Эпизод с задницей

00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,426

This is so exciting!

00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,554

You can spot someone who's

never seen his plays.

00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,306

Notice, no fear.

No sense of impending doom.

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The exclamation point scares me.

00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,228

It's not just Freud,

it's Freud!

00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,356

ROSS:

Shh. Magic is about to happen!

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JOEY [IN GERMAN ACCENT]:

Well, Eva...

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...we've done

some excellent work here.

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And I would have to say...

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...your problem is quite clear.

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[ZANY PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]

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[SINGING]

All you want is a dinkle

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What you envy's a schwang

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A thing through which you can tinkle

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To play with or simply let hang

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[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

[ZANY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

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[ALL GROAN]

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I feel violated.

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Did anybody else feel like

peeling their skin off...

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...to have something else to do?

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Ross, 10:00.

00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,205

Is it? It feels like 2.

00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,333

No, 10:00!

00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:12,172

There's a beautiful woman

at 8, 9, 10:00!

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ROSS:

Hello!

00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:16,760

She's amazing!

00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,597

She makes the women I dream about

look like short, fat, bald men.

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Go over to her.

She's not with anyone.

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And what would my opening line be?

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Excuse me...

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[BABBLES]

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Come on, she's a person.

You can do it.

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Could she be more out of my league?

Ross, back me up.

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He could never get a woman

like that in a million years.

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But you always see these beautiful

women with these "nothing" guys.

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You could be one of those guys.

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- You could do that.

- You think?

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RACHEL:

Absolutely!

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I can't believe

I'm even considering this.

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- I'm very aware of my tongue.

- Come on.

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Here goes.

00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,057

Yes?

00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,393

Hi. Um... Ahem.

00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,604

Okay, next word would be...

00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:09,855

...uh, Chandler.

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Chandler is my name and, uh...

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[CLEARS THROAT]

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Hi!

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Yes, you said that.

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Yes! Yes, I did.

But what I didn't say...

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What I wanted to say was, uh...

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...would you like to go out with me?

Thank you. Good night.

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Chandler?

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PHOEBE:

There he is!

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ROSS: I didn't know you could dance!

RACHEL: You were in a play!

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What'd you think?

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ROSS: I didn't know you could dance!

RACHEL: You were in a play!

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Come on, it wasn't that bad.

I was the lead.

00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,477

It was better than the troll thing.

At least you got to see my head.

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RACHEL: You're right.

ROSS: We saw your head.

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She said yes! She said yes!

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MONICA:

Wow!

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Awful play, man! Whoa!

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Her name's Aurora. She's Italian

and she pronounces my name "Chandler."

00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:08,789

I like that better.

The usher gave me this to give to you.

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- What is it?

- The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.

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An agency left me its card.

Maybe they wanna sign me!

00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,505

Based on this play?

00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,134

Based on this play!

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Hey, kids!

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ROSS:

Hey, Chandler.

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No, because this line is passion,

and this is just a line.

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I've been here seven seconds, and you

haven't asked me how my date went.

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How was your date, Chandler?

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It was unbelievable!

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I've never met anyone like her.

She's had the most amazing life!

00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,914

CHANDLER:

She was in the Israeli army.

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None of the bullets hit

the engine block...

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...so we made it to the border.

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But just barely and I...

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I've been talking about myself

all night long. I'm sorry.

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What about you?

Tell me your stories.

00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,347

All right, once...

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...once I got on the subway, right?

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And it was at night...

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...and I rode it

all the way to Brooklyn...

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...just for the hell of it.

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We talked till 2.

It was this perfect evening.

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More or less.

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Suddenly, we realized

we were in Yemen.

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I'm sorry, so "we" is?

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"We" is me and Rick.

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- Who's Rick?

- Who's Rick?

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My husband.

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ALL:

Ooh.

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- Oh, so you're divorced?

- No.

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I'm sorry. So you're widowed?

Hopefully?

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No, I'm still married.

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So how would your husband feel

about you sitting here with me...

00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,479

...sliding your foot

so far up my leg...

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...you can count

the change in my pocket?

00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,193

Don't worry.

00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:04,404

I imagine he'd be okay with you

because he's okay with Ethan.

00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,367

Ethan? There's an Ethan?

00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,453

Ethan is my...

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...boyfriend.

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ALL:

What?

00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,336

So, uh, what kind of relationship

do you imagine us having...

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...if you already have

a husband and a boyfriend?

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I suppose, mainly sexual.

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Huh.

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I'm sorry it didn't work out.

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What not work out?

I'm seeing her again on Thursday.

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Didn't you listen to the story?

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How could you get involved

with a woman like this?

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I had trouble with it at first,

but I get all the good stuff.

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All the fun, all the talking,

all the sex...

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...and no responsibility.

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This is every guy's fantasy!

00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,625

That is not true.

Ross, is this your fantasy?

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No, of course not.

00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,714

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:09,136

You'd go out with someone else

who's going out with someone else?

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I couldn't.

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Good for you.

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When I'm with a woman,

I need to know...

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...that I'm going out

with more people than she is.

00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,854

You know...

00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:22,065

...monogamy can be a tricky concept.

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I mean, anthropologically...

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[ALL SNORING]

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Fine. Now you'll never know.

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We're kidding. Tell us.

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MONICA: We wanna know.

JOEY: Come on!

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All right. There's a theory

put forth by Richard Leakey...

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[ALL SNORING]

[ROSS GROANS]

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Ta-da!

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Are we greeting each other

this way now? I like that.

00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,847

Look! I cleaned!

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I did the windows.

I did the floors.

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I used all the attachments on

the vacuum except for that round one.

00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,480

I don't know what it's for.

00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,899

Nobody knows, and we're

not supposed to ask.

00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,318

RACHEL:

What do you think?

00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,279

CHANDLER: It's very clean.

MONICA: Really, it looks great!

00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:16,369

Oh. Heh.

I see you moved the green ottoman.

00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,371

ROSS & PHOEBE:

Uh-oh.

00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:21,791

How did that happen?

00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:25,712

I don't know.

I thought it looked better there.

00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:29,257

And also, it's an extra seat

around the coffee table.

00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,801

Yeah, it's interesting.

00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,472

But you know what? Just for fun...

00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:39,434

...let's see what it looked like

in the old spot.

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Just to compare.

00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:43,647

Let's see. Ha!

00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,732

Well, it looks good there too.

00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,318

Let's leave it there for a while.

00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,155

I can't believe you tried

to move the green ottoman.

00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:55,492

Thank God you didn't

fan out the magazines.

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She'll scratch your eyes out.

00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,663

You guys, I am not that bad!

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Yeah, you are.

00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,042

Remember, I lived with you?

00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,710

You were a little, you know...

00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,546

[MIMICS STABBING SOUND

FROM "PSYCHO"]

00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,424

That is so unfair!

00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:15,470

When we were kids, yours was the only

Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.

00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,934

Okay, so I'm responsible.

I'm organized.

00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,978

But, hey, I can be a kook!

00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,440

All right, you madcap gal!

00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:30,360

Try to imagine this.

00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:34,281

The phone bill arrives,

but you don't pay it right away.

00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,117

- Why not?

- Because you're a kook!

00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,997

Instead, you wait until

they send you a notice.

00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,124

I could do that.

00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:48,295

Okay, then you let me

go grocery shopping...

00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,297

...and I buy laundry detergent.

00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:53,967

But it's not the one

with the easy-pour spout.

00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:55,802

Why would someone do that?

00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,140

One might wonder.

00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,101

A glass is on the table.

There's no coaster.

00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:05,145

It's a cold drink. It's a hot day.

00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:10,150

Beads of condensation are inching

their way closer to the wood...

00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:11,443

Stop it!

00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,448

Oh, my God!

00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:18,825

It's true. Who am I?

00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,369

Monica, you're Mom.

00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,789

[MIMICS STABBING SOUND

FROM "PSYCHO"]

00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,795

JOEY:

Uh-huh? Oh, my God!

00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,048

Okay.

00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,175

Okay, I'll be there.

00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,137

That was my agent.

00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:45,852

My agent has just gotten me a job

in the new Al Pacino movie!

00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,647

CHANDLER:

Whoa! That's great!

00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,023

What's the part?

00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,275

Can you believe this?

Al Pacino!

00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,361

This guy's why I became an actor.

00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,905

"I'm out of order?

You're out of order!

00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,991

This whole courtroom's out of order!"

00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,702

Seriously, what's the part?

00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:06,623

"Just when I thought I was out,

they pull me back in!"

00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:10,001

Come on. Seriously,

Joey, what's the part?

00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,544

[MUMBLES]

00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,546

You're, you're...

What?

00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,510

I'm his butt double, okay?

00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,475

I play Al Pacino's butt.

00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:30,980

All right? He goes

into the shower, and then...

00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,732

...I'm his butt.

00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,818

Oh, my God!

00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,277

Come on, you guys.

00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,823

This is a real movie,

and Al Pacino's in it and that's big!

00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:41,491

Oh, no, it's terrific.

00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,910

After all your years of struggling...

00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,330

...you've finally been able

to crack your way into show business.

00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,877

Okay, fine.

Make jokes, I don't care.

00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,546

This is a big break for me!

00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,423

You're right. It is.

00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,468

So are you gonna invite us all

to the big opening?

00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,018

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:15,066

- I need to borrow some moisturizer.

- For what?

00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,277

What do you think?

Today's the big day!

00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,655

Okay, go into the bathroom.

Use whatever you want.

00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,575

Just don't ever tell me

what you did in there.

00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,076

JOEY:

Thank you.

00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,123

- Joey's mom's on the phone.

- He's in the bathroom.

00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:33,793

- You don't wanna go in there!

- Come on, we're roommates.

00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,253

[CHANDLER YELLS]

00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,006

My eyes! My eyes!

00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,051

MONICA:

I warned you.

00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,095

Who is being loud?

00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,306

Oh, that would be Monica.

00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,642

Can I borrow some things?

I wanna make Aurora breakfast.

00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,644

You got the whole night, huh?

00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,190

Well, I only have 20 minutes

until Ethan, so...

00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,358

Do I sense a bit of resentment?

00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,695

No, no, no. No resentment.

Believe me...

00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,031

...it's worth it, okay?

00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,450

In a relationship,

you have these key moments...

00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,119

...you'll remember

for the rest of your life.

00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,581

Well, every single second

is like that with Aurora.

00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,334

And I've just wasted

35 of them talking to you.

00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:17,796

So, uh, Monica, can you

help me with the door?

00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:21,508

Um, Chandler, you know, the old Monica

would remind you...

00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:25,512

...to scrub that Teflon pan

with a plastic brush.

00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,848

But I'm not gonna do that.

00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,981

DIRECTOR:

Damn it! Hire the girl.

00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:39,317

Okay, everybody ready?

00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,738

Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you

for this great opportunity.

00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,032

Lose the robe.

00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,159

Me?

00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,661

That would work.

00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:53,039

Right. Okay.

Losing the robe!

00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,501

Okay, and the robe is lost.

00:13:57,294 --> 00:14:00,088

Everybody, I would like

to get this in one take.

00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:01,631

Let's roll it.

00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,258

Water's working.

00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,844

And action!

00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,347

And cut!

00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,641

Butt guy, what are you doing?

00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,352

I'm showering.

00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,354

No, that was clenching.

00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:20,984

Well, the way I see it,

the guy's upset here, you know?

00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,486

His wife's dead,

his brother's missing.

00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,406

I think his butt would be angry here.

00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:30,076

I think his butt would like

to get the shot before lunch.

00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,913

Once again, rolling.

Water working.

00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,833

And action!

00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,587

And cut! What was that?

00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,299

I was going for quiet desperation.

00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,511

But if you have to ask...

00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,061

God, I love these fingers.

00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,479

Thank you.

00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,232

No, actually, I meant my fingers.

00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,777

Look at them.

Look at how happy they are.

00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,824

- Oh, my God, I'm late!

- Oh, no, no, no.

00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,994

- Don't go, don't go.

- Okay, okay.

00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,914

- I have to.

- Look, she's leaving.

00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,208

I'm sorry.

He'll be waiting for me.

00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,044

I thought you talked to Rick.

00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,171

It's not Rick.

00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,506

Ethan? He gets

the whole day with you!

00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,425

No, it's Andrew.

00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,016

I know there'll be many moments...

00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,561

...when I'll regret asking

the following question, but...

00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:40,813

And Andrew is?

00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,149

He's... new.

00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,655

So you're not completely fulfilled

by Rick, Ethan and myself?

00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:51,324

No, that's not exactly what I was...

00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,368

Most women would kill...

00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,662

...for three guys like us.

00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,414

So, what do you want?

00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,166

You.

00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,211

- You have me.

- No, no. Just you.

00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:04,629

What do you mean?

00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,714

Lose the other guys.

00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,468

Like, all of them?

00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:14,138

Come on, we're great together.

Why not?

00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,516

Why can't we just have

what we have now?

00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:19,060

Why can't we just talk,

laugh and make love...

00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:22,105

...without feeling obligated

to one another?

00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:26,109

Up until tonight, I thought

that's what you wanted too.

00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,237

Well, part of me wants that...

00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,656

...but it's like I'm two guys.

00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,867

I mean, one guy's saying,

"Shut up! This is great!"

00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,745

But there's this other guy.

00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,957

It's the guy who wells up

every time the Grinch's heart...

00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,043

...grows three sizes

and breaks that measuring device.

00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:48,840

He's saying, you know,

"This is too hard. Get out, get out!"

00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,552

So which one of the two guys

will you listen to?

00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:57,348

I have to listen to both.

They don't let each other finish.

00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,059

Which one?

00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,023

The second guy.

00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:07,900

I see.

00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,907

Call me if you change your mind.

00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:26,794

Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.

00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,518

Look at it this way.

You dumped her!

00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,147

Right? I mean, this woman was...

00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:47,982

...unbelievably sexy...

00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:51,569

...and beautiful,

intelligent, unattainable...

00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,782

Tell me why you did this again?

00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:57,950

ROSS: Hey!

MONICA: Hey!

00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,619

RACHEL:

Movie star!

00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:03,498

Aren't you the guy who plays

the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?

00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:06,709

Nope.

00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,545

No? What happened, big guy?

00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,214

Big guy?

00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,593

It felt like a "big guy" moment.

00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,595

I got fired!

00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:20,765

They said I acted too much with it.

00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,436

I told everybody about this.

00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,605

Everybody will be

expecting to see me.

00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,399

You know what?

No one will be able to tell.

00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,276

My mom will.

00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,280

There's something so sweet...

00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,741

...and disturbing about that.

00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:42,954

I've done nothing

but crappy plays for six years...

00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:46,207

...and I finally get my shot,

and I blow it!

00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,167

Maybe this wasn't your shot.

00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:52,922

I think when it's your shot,

you know it's your shot.

00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,050

Did it feel like your shot?

00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,054

Hard to tell. I was naked.

00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,889

I don't think this was your shot.

00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,392

I don't even think

you just get one shot.

00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:07,979

I really believe big things are

gonna happen for you. I do.

00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:12,108

You've gotta keep thinking about

the day that some kid will go...

00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:15,987

..."I got the part! I'm gonna be

Joey Tribbiani's ass!"

00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,909

You think? That's so nice.

00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,704

Oh, come here.

00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,835

I'm sorry, Joey.

I'm gonna go to bed, guys.

00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,128

ROSS:

Good night.

00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,714

RACHEL: You're gonna leave

your shoes out here?

00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,342

Uh-huh.

00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:43,181

Really? Just casually

strewn about...

00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,683

...in that reckless,

haphazard manner?

00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:51,314

It doesn't matter.

I'll get them tomorrow. Or not!

00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,233

Whenever.

00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,655

She is a kook.

00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,290

[HUMMING]

00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:17,465

MONICA [THINKING]: If it bothers you

that much, just go out and get the shoes.

00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,636

No, don't do this!

00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,304

This is stupid!

00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,641

I don't have to prove anything.

I'm gonna go get them.

00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,185

But then everyone will know.

00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:34,982

Unless I get them, and then wake up

really early and put them back.

00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,943

I need help!

00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:44,158

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:08,870 --> 00:00:11,170

Ой, смотрите, смотрите!

Здесь фотография Джои!

00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:12,710

Здорово, так интересно!

00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,880

В зале всегда можно отличить тех,

кто не видел его пьес

00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:18,590

Они еще не затравлены ужасом

от обреченного ожидания неизбежного

00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,050

Меня пугает восклицательный знак

в названии

00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:24,720

Не просто "Фрейд", а "Фрейд!"

00:00:24,970 --> 00:00:27,560

Ш-ш, волшебство начинается!

00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:29,850

Ну фот, Ефа...

00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:34,230

...ми есть зделаль хороший рапота

00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,490

И я тепхерь мошет скасаль...

00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:42,030

...фаш проплем есть софсем понятный

00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,660

Хошется фам быть с мудями

00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:48,750

Хошется шланг фам иметь

00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,290

Ссать в писуар с мушиками

00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:55,170

Деркать, чесать и сфенеть

00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:59,760

1-й сезон, 6-я серия

"Задница"

00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:53,940

Ой, меня как будто изнасиловали

00:01:54,190 --> 00:01:57,280

А никто больше не хочет

содрать с себя кожу...

00:01:57,530 --> 00:01:59,870

...просто чтобы как-то отвлечься?

00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,160

Росс, десять часов

00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:04,290

Правда? А кажется, что уже два

00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:07,870

- Нет, десять часов!

- Что?

00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:13,710

Там красотка сидит на

8... 9... 10 часов!

00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,510

Ого. Приве-ет!

00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:16,590

Она просто красавица!

00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:21,550

Рядом с ней мои самые смелые фантазии

кажутся мелкими лысыми толстяками

00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,470

Так иди к ней. Она без спутника

00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,560

И с какой реплики мне,

по-твоему, начать?

00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:28,730

Прошу прощения... Ва-ва-ва!

00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:32,060

Да ну, она тоже человек. Что тут такого?

00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:35,280

Я тебя умоляю! Это не мой уровень.

Росс, поддержи меня

00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:39,990

- Здесь тебе никогда ничего не светит.

- Спасибо, друг.

00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:44,330

Но мы же постоянно видим красавиц

с совершенно никакими мужиками

00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:47,330

Ты тоже можешь быть одним из таких

00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:49,420

- Ты сможешь.

- Правда?

00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,500

Еще бы!

00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,380

Боже, не верю, что я на это повелся

00:02:53,630 --> 00:02:56,210

- Язык уже колом в горле встал.

- Давай, давай!

00:02:56,460 --> 00:02:59,220

Ну поехали

00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:04,060

Да?

00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,430

Привет!

00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,560

И следующее мое слово будет...

00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:10,770

...Чендлер

00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:13,980

Чендлер - это мое имя, и...

00:03:14,230 --> 00:03:16,610

Привет!

00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,740

Да, вы уже говорили

00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:21,910

Да! Да, говорил.

Но что я не говорил...

00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,200

...но собирался...

...хотел сказать...

00:03:24,450 --> 00:03:28,080

...может, как-нибудь встретимся?

Спасибо. Всего хорошего

00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:31,080

Чендлер?

00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:32,920

А вот и он!

00:03:33,170 --> 00:03:36,380

- А ты, оказывается, танцуешь!

- Играешь в пьесе! С бородой!

00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:38,760

Ваше мнение?

00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:42,090

- А ты, оказывается, танцуешь!

- Играешь в пьесе! С бородой!

00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:44,970

Да ладно, не все так плохо.

У меня главная роль

00:03:45,220 --> 00:03:49,350

В пьесе с троллями было гораздо хуже.

Здесь хоть мою голову видно

00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,770

- Ты прав.

- Голову мы видели.

00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,770

Она согласилась! Согласилась!

00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:58,190

Пьеса - кошмар, дружище. Фу!

00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:05,120

Ее зовут Аврора. Она итальянка, и

произносит мое имя "Чандлерр".

Чандлерр!

00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:08,740

Так оно даже лучше звучит.

Кстати, билетёр мне вот что дал

00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,040

- Что это?

- "Агентство Эстель Леонард".

00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:15,080

Агентство дало мне карточку.

Они хотят меня взять!

00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:18,050

Увидев эту пьесу?

00:04:19,130 --> 00:04:22,680

А, увидев ЭТУ ПЬЕСУ!

00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,350

- Привет, детки!

- Привет, Чендлер.

00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,110

Нет, это линия страсти,

а это просто линия

00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:40,860

Как вы можете? Я здесь уже семь секунд,

а никто не спросил меня про свидание

00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:43,700

Ах, да. Как прошло твое свидание,

"Чандлерр"?

00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,160

Просто сногсшибательно!

00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:49,120

Первый раз встречаю подобную

женщину. Ох и повидала она в жизни!

00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:50,700

Она служила в израильской армии

00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:53,210

К счастью, ни одна пуля не попала

в двигатель...

00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,790

...так что мы добрались до границы

00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,790

Но еле-еле, и я...

00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:02,920

Я проговорила о себе весь вечер.

Извини

00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,890

А как же ты? Расскажи

какую-нибудь историю про себя

00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,350

Ладно. Как-то раз...

00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,310

...как-то раз сел я в метро, так?

00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,180

Это было ночью...

00:05:12,430 --> 00:05:15,730

...и я доехал аж до Бруклина...

00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,360

...просто забавы ради

00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:22,190

Мы разговаривали до 2-х ночи.

Уникальная была ночь

00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,320

Более-менее

00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:26,110

И вдруг мы поняли,

что заехали в Йемен

00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,570

Извини, а мы - это...?

00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:30,080

"Мы" - это я и Рик

00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,240

Кто такой Рик?

00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:33,790

Кто такой Рик?

00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,540

- Мой муж.

- У-у-у.

00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:40,540

- А, так ты в разводе?

- Нет.

00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:45,050

Извини. Ты вдова? Надеюсь?

00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:48,260

Нет, я замужем

00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:53,060

Тогда скажи, как твой муж отнесется к тому,

что ты здесь сидишь со мной...

00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:55,430

...и забралась своей ногой

мне в штанину...

00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:59,770

...так высоко, что можешь

посчитать мелочь в кармане?

00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,150

Не беспокойся

00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,950

Полагаю, он не рассердится на тебя,

раз не сердится на Итана

00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:09,320

Итан? Есть еще и Итан?

00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,830

Итан - это мой...

00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:12,990

...парень

00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,870

Что?!

00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:19,290

Объясни мне кое-что. Какие у нас,

по-твоему, могут быть отношения...

00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:22,800

...раз у тебя уже есть муж и парень?

00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:27,090

Предполагаю, что в основном сексуальные

00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,930

Мне жаль, что у тебя не сложилось

00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:34,430

Что "не сложилось"?

Мы снова встречаемся в четверг

00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,730

Ты что, плохо слушала?

00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,310

А ты хорошо слушал?

00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,270

Это ненормально. Как можно

связываться с такой женщиной?

00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,900

Вначале я тоже беспокоился. А потом

подумал о положительной стороне

00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:50,530

Повеселиться, поболтать,

заняться сексом...

00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:53,990

...и не нести никакой ответственности

00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,830

Это же мечта каждого мужика!

00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,620

Да ну, это неправда.

Росс, вот ты об этом мечтаешь?

00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:02,130

Нет. Конечно, нет!

00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,210

Да. Конечно, да

00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:09,380

То есть вы, мужики, не против

встречаться с кем-то, кто

встречается еще с кем-то?

00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,430

Я бы не смог

00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,760

Молодец, Джои

00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:14,140

Если я с женщиной, я просто должен...

00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:17,730

...иметь больше баб, чем она мужиков

00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:18,810

Знаете...

00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:22,020

...моногамия - это иногда

расплывчатое понятие

00:07:22,270 --> 00:07:26,320

В смысле, с точки зрения

антропологии...

00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,530

Ладно. Хорошо. Так никогда и не узнаете

00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:30,320

Мы шутим. Расказывай

00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:32,110

- Нет-нет, мы хотим знать.

- Давай!

00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:37,750

Ладно. Так вот, Ричард Лики

выдвинул теорию...

00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:52,050

Теперь это наше новое приветствие?

А то мне понравилось

00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,800

Смотрите! Я убрала!

00:07:54,050 --> 00:07:56,260

Я помыла окна. Я помыла полы

00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:59,810

Использовала все насадки для пылесоса,

кроме той кругленькой с усиками

00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:01,480

Я не знаю, зачем она

00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:04,860

Никто не знает,

а спрашивать нам запрещено

00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,320

Ну, что скажете?

00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:10,820

- Очень чисто.

- Правда, здорово!

00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:17,910

Я вижу, ты переставила зеленый пуфик

00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:23,000

Как это получилось?

00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:25,710

Не знаю. Я подумала, там он будет

лучше смотреться

00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,630

И будет лишнее сиденье

у кофейного столика

00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:33,340

Да, интересная идея

00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:35,720

Но знаешь что? Просто так...

00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:39,890

...давай посмотрим, как он

смотрится на старом месте

00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:41,890

Просто чтобы сравнить

00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:43,600

Посмотрим...

00:08:43,850 --> 00:08:46,020

Ха! Ну вот, здесь тоже хорошо

00:08:46,270 --> 00:08:49,070

Вот пусть здесь и постоит. Пока

00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:53,030

Чем ты думала,

когда переставляла пуфик

00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,450

Слава богу, хоть не разложила

журналы веером

00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,580

Она бы тебе глаза выцарапала

00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,620

Эй, ребята, я не такая злая!

00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:02,290

Ты именно такая, Моника

00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:04,040

Помнишь, как я жила с тобой?

00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:07,670

Так ты постоянно, знаешь ли...

00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,380

Это так несправедливо!

00:09:11,630 --> 00:09:17,010

Да ну! В детстве у тебя одной кукла

Степка-растрепка не была растрепкой

00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,890

Ну ладно, я ответственная.

Я организованная

00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,520

Но я могу быть и оторвой!

00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:28,980

Ну-ну, оторванная ты наша!

00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:30,320

Представь себе вот что

00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:34,280

Приходит счет за телефон,

а ты его оплачиваешь не сразу

00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:35,320

Почему?

00:09:35,570 --> 00:09:38,660

Ну ты же оторва!

00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,660

Вместо этого ты ждешь,

пока тебе пришлют извещение

00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,080

Могу себе представить

00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:48,250

Так, так, теперь ты

посылаешь меня в магазин

00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,380

Я покупаю стиральный порошок

00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:53,920

Но в нем нет удобного носика

для насыпания

00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:57,340

Как такое вообще можно делать?

00:09:58,090 --> 00:10:00,180

Спросил бы кто-нибудь другой

00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:03,100

На столике кто-то оставил стакан.

Без подставки

00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:05,600

Напиток холодный. День жаркий

00:10:05,850 --> 00:10:10,150

Капельки конденсата по сантиметру

подбираются к голой столешнице...

00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,980

Прекратите!

00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:16,650

О боже!

00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,070

Это правда. Что я за человек?

00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,910

Моника, ты - наша мама

00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:32,340

Боже мой! Хорошо!

00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:36,720

Хорошо, я приду

00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:40,680

Это была мой агент

00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:47,020

Мой агент только что раздобыла мне роль

в новом фильме Ала Пачино!

00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:48,940

О боже! Молодец! Отлично!

00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:49,980

А что за роль?

00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,270

Можете поверить? Ал Пачино!

00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,320

Это из-за него я стал актером

00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,900

"Я нарушаю порядок? Фе!

Это вы нарушаете порядок!"

00:10:57,150 --> 00:11:00,780

"Весь этот суд нарушает порядок!"

00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:02,700

Серьезно, что за роль?

00:11:02,950 --> 00:11:06,700

"Как только я решил, что завязал,

меня опять развязали!"

00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:11,540

Нет, Джои, серьезно,

что это за роль?

00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,090

Ты, ты... Бу-бу-бу... Кто?

00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:20,050

Я дублер его задницы, понятно?

00:11:22,930 --> 00:11:27,020

Я играю задницу Ала Пачино

00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,980

Поняли? Он заходит в душ, и тут...

00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,360

...появляюсь я - его жопа

00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,860

Боже мой!

00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:36,280

Да ладно вам, ребята

00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:39,820

Это настоящее кино, и там играет

Ал Пачино! Это успех!

00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:41,450

Да-да, это великолепно!

Ты это заслужил

00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,870

После стольких лет усилий...

00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,870

...ты наконец нашел, каким местом

пролезть в шоу-бизнес

00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,880

Ну и ладно. Шутите, мне все равно

00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,540

Для меня это большой прорыв!

00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:57,380

Ты прав, ты прав. Так и есть

00:11:57,630 --> 00:12:02,010

Ты обязательно раскройся

в этой роли как следует

00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:15,000

- Мне нужно немного лосьона.

- Зачем?

00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:17,540

А ты как думаешь?

Сегодня у меня дебют!

00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:20,590

А, ну да. Ладно, иди в ванную.

Пользуйся на здоровье

00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,800

Только не рассказывай, как именно

00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:26,590

Спасибо

00:12:28,010 --> 00:12:30,060

- Где Джои? Его мама звонит.

- Он в ванной.

00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:35,310

- Думаю, тебе не стоит туда ходить.

- Да ну, мы же живем вместе.

00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,520

Глаза! Глаза!

00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,030

Я предупреждала

00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,030

Кто у нас такой шумный?

00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,570

Шумная у нас Моника

00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:49,620

А можно одолжить у тебя еды?

Я готовлю Авроре завтрак

00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,620

У-у, так вы провели всю ночь, а?

00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:55,160

Ага. Осталось всего 20 минут

до Итана, так что...

00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:57,330

Ой-ой-ой, я слышу нотки негодования?

00:12:57,580 --> 00:13:00,670

Нет, нет, никакого негодования.

Поверьте...

00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,960

...оно того стоит, поняли?

00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:05,380

Знаете, бывают в любви такие моменты...

00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:08,090

...которые запоминаешь до конца жизни

00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:11,560

Так вот, каждая секунда с Авророй

именно такая

00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:14,270

А я только что потратил 35 из них

на вас, ребята

00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:18,650

Моника, не откроешь ли мне дверь?

00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:21,440

Чендлер, знаешь, старая Моника

напомнила бы тебе...

00:13:21,690 --> 00:13:26,650

...почистить тефлоновую сковородку

пластмассовой щеткой

00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:30,370

А вот я - не буду

00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:37,830

Ну и черт с ней, берите уже ее!

00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,790

Так, все готовы?

00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:44,710

Послушайте, я сразу хочу поблагодарить

вас за эту возможность

00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,050

Скидай халат

00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,130

Я?

00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:49,890

А ты сам подумай

00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:54,260

Ладно. Хорошо. Снимаю халат!

00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:57,020

Итак, халат снят

00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,020

Так, люди - я хочу снять эпизод

за один дубль

00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:01,560

Начинаем

00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:03,770

Пошла вода

00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:07,360

Мотор!

00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,910

Стоп!

00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,870

Эй, жопа, что ты творишь?

00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,620

Моюсь в душе

00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,910

Нет, ты сжимаешься

00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,960

Понимаете, как я вижу -

он в расстроенных чувствах, да?

00:14:21,210 --> 00:14:23,420

Ну, жена умерла, брат пропал

00:14:23,670 --> 00:14:27,050

Я думаю, его задница должна

выражать гнев

00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,760

А я думаю, его задница

хочет снять эпизод до обеда

00:14:31,010 --> 00:14:34,640

Еще раз, поехали. Пошла вода

00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:37,890

Мотор!

00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,520

Стоп!

00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:41,650

Что это было?

00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:45,400

Я изображал тихое отчаяние

00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:50,030

Неужели не очевидно?

00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,040

Господи, как я обожаю эти пальцы

00:14:57,290 --> 00:14:58,410

Спасибо

00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:02,040

Нет, вообще я имел в виду свои

00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:06,290

Посмотри, посмотри,

какие они счастливые

00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,800

- Боже, я опаздываю!

- Нет, нет, нет.

00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:13,680

- Не уходи, не уходи.

- Ладно, ладно.

00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:16,390

- Но мне нужно.

- Ну вот, она уходит.

00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,140

Извини. Он будет меня ждать

00:15:19,390 --> 00:15:21,020

Ты же вроде поговорила с Риком

00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:23,100

Это не Рик

00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:25,650

Итан? Но у него весь день впереди!

00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:28,940

Нет, это Эндрю

00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:34,950

Я знаю, еще много раз в будущем...

00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:39,120

...я пожалею, что задал

этот вопрос, но...

00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:40,750

Эндрю - это кто?

00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:41,870

Он...

00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,080

...новенький

00:15:44,330 --> 00:15:48,590

То есть ты хочешь сказать, что тебе

недостаточно Рика, Итана и меня?

00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,260

Нет, я не совсем это хотела...

00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:53,340

Знаешь что, большинство женщин

убить готовы...

00:15:53,590 --> 00:15:56,850

...за таких трех парней, как мы

00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:59,060

Чего ты хочешь?

00:15:59,310 --> 00:16:00,180

Тебя

00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:03,520

- Я у тебя есть.

- Чтобы только ты и я.

00:16:03,770 --> 00:16:04,600

Ты о чем?

00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:08,230

Брось остальных парней

00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:10,900

Типа... всех, что ли?

00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:14,320

Да ну, нам же так хорошо вдвоем.

Почему нет?

00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:16,450

А почему нельзя все оставить так,

как сейчас?

00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,030

Просто болтать, смеяться,

любить друг друга...

00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,250

...и не быть ничем обязанными

друг другу?

00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:27,040

До сегодняшнего дня я думала,

что именно этого хочешь и ты

00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,170

Ну, часть меня хочет этого...

00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,630

...но во мне сидят два человека

00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,720

Один говорит:

"Молчи! Все прекрасно!"

00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:37,680

Но есть еще и второй

00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,930

Это такой, который всегда

пускает слезу...

00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:44,430

...когда в "Один дома"

воссоединяется семья

00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:49,480

И он говорит, типа,

"Это тяжело. Брось ее, брось!"

00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:53,440

Которого же из двух ты слушаешь?

00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:58,870

Слушаю-то я обоих, но они не дают

друг другу договорить

00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,580

Которого?

00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,540

Второго

00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:09,420

Понятно. Что ж

00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:16,430

Позвони, если передумаешь

00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,310

Извини, губами управляет первый

00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:43,700

Посмотри на это так -

это ты ее бросил!

00:17:43,950 --> 00:17:46,080

Правильно я понял?

Эта женщина была такая...

00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:47,960

...невероятно сексуальная...

00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:53,090

...и красивая, и умная, и загадочная...

00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:57,300

Зачем, говоришь, ты ее бросил?

00:17:58,180 --> 00:17:59,550

О, кинозвезда!

00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:05,020

Стоп! Разве это не задница

Ала Пачино из того самого фильма!

00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:06,850

Не-а

00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,520

Нет? Что случилось, гигант?

00:18:09,770 --> 00:18:12,730

Гигант?

00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,360

Я почувствовал, это ему не помешает

00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:18,570

Меня уволили!

00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:22,280

Сказали, что я ею переигрываю

00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,370

А я уже всем рассказал

00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:27,580

Все придут в кинотеатр посмотреть на меня

00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,420

Джои, знаешь что - все равно

вряд ли кто-то отличит

00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:33,790

Моя мама отличит

00:18:34,170 --> 00:18:36,250

В этом есть что-то трогательное...

00:18:36,510 --> 00:18:39,760

...и несколько пугающее

00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:42,930

Знаете, я шесть лет не играл ничего,

кроме говенных пьес...

00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:46,140

...и вот был такой шанс прорваться,

а я его профукал!

00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,100

Может, это и не был такой уж шанс

00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:53,310

Когда это действительно шанс,

это сразу чувствуется

00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,190

У тебя действительно был шанс?

00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,030

Вряд ли. Кого там удивишь

голым задом?

00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,820

Нет, ты бы не прорвался

00:19:02,070 --> 00:19:04,320

Это совсем не тот материал

00:19:04,570 --> 00:19:07,950

Но я уверена - у тебя еще будет

твой шанс. Правда-правда

00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,040

А пока думай о том дне, когда какой-нибудь

пацан прибежит к друзьям и скажет...

00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:17,500

"Я получил роль! Я получил роль!

Я - задница Джои Триббиани!"

00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:23,430

Думаешь? Приятно это слышать

00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:30,810

Извини, Джои. Я пойду спать

00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:32,230

Спокойной ночи, Моника

00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,230

Мон, ты оставишь здесь обувь?

00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,770

Ага

00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:43,110

Да? Просто вот так - разбросанную...

00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:47,200

...по комнате небрежно и

без всякого порядка?

00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:52,830

Неважно. Соберу завтра.

Или не завтра!

00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,750

Когда-нибудь

00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:01,170

А она таки оторва

00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:18,960

Если это тебя так беспокоит,

пойди и подбери свои туфли

00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,580

Нет, не надо!

00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:23,250

Какая глупость!

00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:27,130

Не надо никому ничего доказывать.

Пойду соберу

00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:30,380

Но тогда все догадаются

00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:35,060

Что если собрать, потом встать

очень рано и вернуть на место?

00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:38,430

Мне надо лечиться!

00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:40,390

Перевод В.Бродового