Эпизод с обезьяной

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MONICA: Why?

- I just wanna check my horoscope...

00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,507

...see if it was right.

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Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now,

but, behind you there's a guy...

00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,890

...who has the potential to break our hearts

and plunge us into depression.

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Where?

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Ooh, come to Mama.

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Okay, he's coming.

Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,567

- Nice hat.

BOTH: Thanks.

00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,945

- We should do something. Whistle.

- We're not gonna whistle.

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- Yeah, come on, do it.

- No.

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- Do it. Do it. Do it.

- Woo-hoo!

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[AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING]

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[TIRES SQUEALING THEN THUD]

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I can't believe you did that.

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MONICA:

Why did I woo-hoo?

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I mean, what was I hoping?

He'd turn around and say:

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"Ooh, I love that sound.

I must have you now"?

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I just wish there was something

we could do.

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[EKG BEEPING]

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Hello. Hello, coma guy.

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Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up!

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- Phoebe, what are you doing?

- Maybe nobody's tried this.

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I wish we at least knew his name.

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Would you look at that face?

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I mean, even sleeping he looks smart.

I bet he's a lawyer.

00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,917

Yeah, but did you see the dents

in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.

00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,588

Okay. He's a lawyer who teaches

sculpting on the side.

00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,007

And he can dance.

00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:18,220

And he's the kind of guy who,

when you're talking, he's listening...

00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,722

...you know, and not saying,

"Yeah, I understand"...

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...but wondering what you look like naked.

- Oh, stop it.

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I wish all guys could be like him.

00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:31,984

I know.

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Are there no conscious men

in the city for you two?

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- He doesn't have anyone.

- Yeah. We feel kind of responsible.

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I can't believe you said, "Woo-hoo."

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I don't even say, "Woo-hoo."

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Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up.

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Folks, when we come back...

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...we'll talk about her new book

Euphoria Unbound...

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...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing.

Put the kids to bed for this one.

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Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's

is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex.

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- No way.

- Come on. She's your mom.

00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,936

Exactly. Weekend at Bernie's.

00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,731

Dead guy getting hit

in the groin 20, 30 times.

00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,567

- No?

- Chandler, I gotta tell you...

00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,153

...I love your mom's books.

I love her books.

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I cannot get on a plane without one.

I mean, this is so cool.

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You wouldn't think it's cool

if you were 11...

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...and all your friends were passing around

page 79 of Mistress Bitch.

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Come on, Chandler. I love your mom.

I think she's a blast.

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- You can say that. She's not your mom.

ROSS: Oh, please. She's the...

00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,588

RACHEL:

Hi, sweetie.

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When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?

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- Last night.

- Really?

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So then his plane didn't explode

in a big ball of fire?

00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,601

Just a dream I had.

00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,561

But, phew.

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Hey, hey, hey. She's on.

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Ah. Nora Bing.

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Before we get to the book.

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What is this about you being arrested

in London? What is that about?

00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:06,954

- Your mom was arrested?

- Shh, I'm busy beaming with pride.

00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,122

This is kind of embarrassing...

00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:13,502

...but occasionally after

I've been intimate with a man...

00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,964

- Why would she say that's embarrassing?

- Shh.

00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,550

- I just get this craving

for Kung Pao chicken.

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That's too much information.

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So now you're doing this book tour thing.

How's that going?

00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,730

Oh, fine. I'm leaving

for New York tomorrow, which I hate.

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But I get to see my son, who I love.

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GROUP:

Oh.

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This is the way that I find out.

Most moms use the phone.

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You know, don't take this wrong,

I just don't see you as a mom somehow.

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- I don't mean that bad.

- Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.

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I bought my son his first condoms.

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And then he burst into flames.

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[EKG BEEPING]

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MONICA: Let's see. "Congress is

debating a new deficit-reduction bill.

00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,606

The mayor wants to raise

subway fares again.

00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,401

The high today was 45."

00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,695

And, oh. And teams played sports.

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[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

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PHOEBE: What about Glen?

MONICA: No.

00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,227

- He could be a Glen.

- Mm-mm. Not special enough.

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Ooh, how about Agamemnon?

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Way too special.

00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,743

I'm famished. What do I want?

00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:13,246

Please, God, don't let it be

Kung Pao chicken.

00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:16,333

Oh, you watched the show.

What did you think?

00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,628

Well, I think you need

to come out of your shell just...

00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,632

What is this dive?

00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,802

- Only you could've picked this place.

- Oh.

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Come on. Shut up. It's fun.

00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,013

- Hi.

NORA: Give me a hug.

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- Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.

- I know I am.

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- Who's doing shots?

- Hit me.

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- I'm in.

- There you go. Ross?

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Uh, I'm not really a shot-drinking

kind of guy.

00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,526

Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late.

00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:46,321

We, uh, kind of just, you know,

lost track of time.

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But a man can change.

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Anyone want me to appraise anything?

00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,180

Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you,

I've read everything you've ever written.

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No, I mean it.

When I read Euphoria at Midnight...

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...all I wanted to do was become a writer.

00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,479

Oh, please, honey.

If I can do it, anybody can.

00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,357

You just start with half a dozen

European cities...

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...throw in 30 euphemisms

for male genitalia...

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...and, bam, you have got yourself

a book.

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My mother, ladies and gentlemen.

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Yeah, any messages for room 226?

00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,252

- You okay, slugger?

- Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.

00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,600

What is with you tonight?

00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,728

Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,938

NORA:

Okay, thank you.

00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,527

It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?

00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,572

No. It's the one he's licking.

00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,158

She's supposed to be with you.

00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,368

You're good.

00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:20,165

Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold

100 million copies of my books...

00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,458

...and you know why?

00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,585

The girl on the cover

with her nipples showing?

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No, because I know how to write men

that women fall in love with.

00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,595

Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.

00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,057

People will not turn 325 pages

for a Paolo.

00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,975

Come on.

The guy's a secondary character.

00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:42,979

He's just a... You know, a complication

you eventually kill off.

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When?

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He's not a hero.

00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,198

You know who our hero is?

00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,076

The guy on the cover

with his nipples showing?

00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,411

No, it's you.

00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,205

- Please.

- No, really.

00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,582

Come on. You're smart. You're sexy.

00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,168

- Right.

- Oh, come on, kiddo.

00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,004

You're gonna be fine, believe me.

00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,010

Uh-oh.

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Uh, I'll just pee in the street.

00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,035

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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Is Chandler here?

00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,373

- Yeah.

- Wait. Come here.

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Okay, uh, about last night...

00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,169

...um, you know...

00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,297

...Chandler. You didn't tell...

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Okay, I'm thinking

we don't need to tell Chandler.

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It was just a kiss. One kiss.

No big deal, right?

00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,053

- Right. No big deal.

- Okay.

00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:58,930

In Bizarro-world.

00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,560

You broke the code.

00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,688

- What code?

- You don't kiss your friend's mom.

00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,525

Sisters are okay.

Maybe a hot-looking aunt.

00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,694

But not a mom. Never a mom.

00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,154

[ALL SHOUTING]

00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,657

What are you guys doing out here?

00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:21,703

Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting

in an early morning racquetball game.

00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,249

But, um,

apparently somebody overslept.

00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,128

Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.

00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,422

No. No, I don't,

because it's being restrung.

00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,383

Ahem. Somebody was supposed

to bring me one.

00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,346

Yeah. Well, you didn't call

and leave your grip size.

00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,809

Okay, you guys are spending

way too much time together.

00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,356

Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum.

00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,983

- Ross, how could you let this happen?

- I don't know.

00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:56,196

Well, it's not like she's a regular mom.

You know? She's sexy. She's...

00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,490

You don't think my mom's sexy?

00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,535

Well, not in the same way.

00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,621

I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...

00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,748

...was a handsome woman in her day,

all right?

00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,294

You think it's easy giving birth

to seven children?

00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,754

Huh?

00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,466

Okay, I think we're getting

into a weird area here.

00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,343

- Aah.

- Hey.

00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,136

- Hey.

- What are you guys doing out here?

00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,473

Well, ha, ha, not playing racquetball.

00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,687

- He forgot to leave his grip size.

- He didn't get the goggles.

00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,689

Oh. Right.

00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:34,526

Well, sounds like you two have issues.

00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,238

Goodbye, baby.

00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,698

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,535

Do they wait for me to do this?

00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,543

- So are you gonna tell him?

- I'm not gonna tell him.

00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,962

- Why would I tell him?

- How about, because if you don't...

00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,256

...his mother might?

- Hmm.

00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,550

What are you guys doing here?

00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,845

Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.

00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,269

What did I ask?

00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,696

[EKG BEEPING]

00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,449

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,452

What are you doing here?

00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,455

Nothing. I just thought

I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem...

00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,332

That I, you know.

Um, so, what are you doing here?

00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,170

I'm not really here.

00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:39,966

I just thought I'd drop these off

on the way. My way.

00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,555

Do you, um, come here a lot...

00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,265

...without me?

00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,226

No, no, no.

00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,191

So, um, do you think he's doing any better

than he was this morning?

00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,320

How would I know? I wasn't here.

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,948

Really? Not even to,

um, change his pajamas?

00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,828

Oh, my God.

00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,873

You're my friend. I had to tell you.

00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,792

I can't believe it.

00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,044

Paolo kissed my mom?

00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,673

Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed,

but he had a lot to drink.

00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,510

I mean, you know how he gets

when he's drunk...

00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,263

I can't do this. I did it.

00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,974

It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.

00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,768

What?

00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,480

I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo

and I think I had too much tequila...

00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,775

...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...

00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,154

She was just being nice, you know?

But nothing happened.

00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,949

Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in...

00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,826

- You knew about this?

- Uh...

00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,203

You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.

00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,957

I spent the entire day with you.

Why didn't you tell me?

00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,251

Hey, hey. You're lucky

I caught them when I did...

00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,169

...or else who knows

what would've happened?

00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,838

Thanks, man. Big help.

00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,465

I can't believe this.

What the hell were you thinking?

00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,759

I wasn't. I don't know. I...

00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,263

Of all my friends, no one knows the crap

I go through with my mom more than you.

00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,765

- I know.

- I can't believe you did this.

00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,226

- Me neither.

- I'm mad at you for not telling me.

00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,771

- What are you mad at me...?

- Let me slam the door.

00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,357

Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did.

00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,150

See what happens

when you break the code?

00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,194

- Joey.

- Aah! Uh.

00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,706

- Rach.

- Hey.

00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,042

"A Woman Undone.

By Rachel Karen Green."

00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,629

Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot.

I'm still on the first chapter.

00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:46,968

Now, do you think his "love stick"

can be "liberated from its denim prison"?

00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,722

Yeah, I'd say so.

00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,142

And there's no "J" in "engorged."

00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,186

- Hey, Rach.

- Hey.

00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,105

- Hello.

- Hello.

00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,275

- You going to the hospital tonight?

- No. You?

00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,110

No. You?

00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,656

You just asked me.

00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,909

Okay, maybe it was a trick question.

00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,872

- Um, Rachel, can we do this now?

- Okay.

00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,250

I am so hot.

00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,504

And here's a picture of my mother

and father on their wedding day.

00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,507

Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.

00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,053

I cannot believe

we're having this conversation.

00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,805

Come on, just try to picture her

not pregnant. That's all.

00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,394

Central Perk is proud to present

Miss Phoebe Buffay.

00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,979

[CROWD CHEERING]

00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,773

PHOEBE:

Thanks.

00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,691

Hi. Um, ahem. Okay.

00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:47,195

I'd like to start with a song

that's about a man I recently met...

00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,573

...who's, um, come to be

very important to me.

00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,202

Okay.

00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,667

[SINGING] You don't have to be awake

To be my man

00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:07,882

Long as you have brain waves

I'll be there to hold your hand

00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,719

Though we just met the other day

00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:15,181

There's something I have got to say

00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,310

Okay, thank you very much.

I'm gonna take a short break.

00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,233

RACHEL: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay,

everybody. Whoo!

00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,195

- What the hell was that?

- Phoebe just started...

00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,991

I believe I was talking to Joey.

All right, there, mother-kisser?

00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,283

[LAUGHING]

00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,123

"Mother-kisser."

00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,792

I'll shut up.

00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,586

Chandler, can I say something?

I know you're still mad at me.

00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,965

I just wanna say that there were

two people there that night, okay?

00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,051

- There were two sets of lips.

- Yes, well, I expect this from her.

00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,971

Okay? She's always been

a Freudian nightmare.

00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,349

Okay, but if she always behaves like this,

why don't you say something?

00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,394

Because it's complicated. It's complex.

00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,229

Hey, you kissed my mom.

00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,444

We're rehearsing a Greek play.

00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,572

- That's funny. We done now?

- No.

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,992

Okay, you mean you're not gonna

talk to her, tell her how you feel?

00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,454

That would be a no. Just because

you played tonsil tennis with my mom...

00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,832

...doesn't mean you know her, all right?

Trust me, you can't talk to her.

00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,376

Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?

00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,965

Okay, that's my finger.

Okay, that's my knee.

00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,925

Still doing the play.

00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,469

[SHOUTS THEN HUMS]

00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,769

All right, what did you do with him?

00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354

[TOILET FLUSHES]

00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,941

- You're awake.

- Look at you.

00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,109

How do you feel?

00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,362

Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.

00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,573

Gosh, you look good.

00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,533

I feel good.

00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911

Who are you?

00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,746

- Sorry.

- I'm Phoebe Buffay.

00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,499

I'm Monica Geller.

I've been taking care of you.

00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,666

We both have.

00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,836

- So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys?

- Actually, it's just from me.

00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,923

- Yeah, I got you the foot massager.

- Know who shaved you? That was me.

00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,009

- I read to you.

- I sang. Ha.

00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,970

Well, thanks.

00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,389

- Oh, my pleasure.

- You're welcome.

00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,518

So I guess I'll see you around.

00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,354

What? That's it?

00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,606

"See you around"?

00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,068

- Well, what do you want me to say?

- Well, I don't know.

00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,569

Maybe, uh:

00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,113

"That was nice.

00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,739

It meant something to me.

00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,867

I'll call you."

00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:44,038

- All right. I'll call you.

- I don't think you mean that.

00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,377

This is so typical.

00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,670

You know, we give...

00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,296

...and we give...

00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,006

...and we give.

00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,467

And then we just get nothing back.

00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,471

And then one day, it's just, you know,

you wake up and "See you around."

00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,559

Let's go, Phoebe.

00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,896

You know what?

We thought you were different.

00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,357

But I guess it was just the coma.

00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,613

NORA:

The car's running downstairs.

00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,241

I wanted to drop off these copies

of my book for your friends.

00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:25,580

- Anything you want from Lisbon?

- No, just knowing you're there is enough.

00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:29,834

All right. Well, be good. I love you.

00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,130

You kissed my best Ross.

00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,551

Or something to that effect.

00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,846

Okay.

00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,643

Look, it was stupid.

00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,188

- Really stupid.

- Really stupid.

00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,692

And I don't even know how it happened.

00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,738

I'm sorry, honey.

I promise it will never happen again.

00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,034

- Are we okay now?

- Yeah.

00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,495

No. No.

00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,960

Ah, the forbidden love

of a man and his door.

00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,378

Shh.

00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:18,466

He did it. He told her off. And not just

about the kiss, about everything.

00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,675

- You're kidding?

- No.

00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,511

He said, "When are you gonna

grow up and start being a mom?"

00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,764

- Wow.

- Wait, then she came back with:

00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:29,477

"The question is, when are you gonna

grow up and realize I have a bomb?"

00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,105

Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say:

00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,109

"When are you gonna grow up

and realize I am your mom?"

00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,823

- That makes more sense.

- You think?

00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,533

Yeah.

00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,786

So, what's going on now?

00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,997

I don't know. I've been standing here

spelling it out for you.

00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,335

I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.

00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,711

What do you see?

00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,297

It's hard to tell.

They're so tiny and upside down.

00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,799

Wait, wait, wait.

00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:03,386

They're walking away.

They're walking away.

00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,973

No, they're not. They're coming

right at us. Run, run!

00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,810

You okay, kiddo?

00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:14,230

- Yeah, I'm okay.

- All right. You be good.

00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,148

Drive safe.

00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,692

[CHUCKLES]

00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,778

- Mrs. Bing.

- Mr. Geller.

00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,201

Hey.

00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,621

You mean that?

00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457

Yeah, why not?

00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,877

- So I told her.

- Oh.

00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,588

- How did it go?

- Awful. Awful.

00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,674

Couldn't have gone worse.

00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261

- Well, how do you feel?

- Pretty good.

00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,848

I told her.

00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,017

Well, see?

00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,354

So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea,

you know, me kissing your mom, huh?

00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,024

But we don't have to go down that road.

00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,657

Now, this is just the first chapter...

00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:11,954

...and I want your absolute

honest opinion. Okay?

00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:16,834

Oh, and on page two, he's not reaching

for her "heaving beasts."

00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:18,961

What's a "niffle"?

00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:22,131

You can usually find them

on the heaving beasts.

00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,510

All right, all right,

so I'm not a great typist.

00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,723

Wait, did you get to the part

about his "huge, throbbing pens"?

00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:34,810

Tell you, you don't wanna be around

when he starts writing with those.

00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,105

- All right, that's it. Give them back.

GROUP: No.

00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,943

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,640

Погоди-ка... Что это такое?

00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,560

Это Марсель. Хочешь

с ним поздороваться?

00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:18,980

Нет! Не хочу

00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:21,310

Ой, какая прелесть!

Где ты его взял?

00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,650

Моя подруга Бетель спасла его

из какой-то лаборатории

00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:25,110

Это так жестоко

00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:30,080

Зачем? Ну зачем родители

назвали ребенка "Бетель"?

00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:35,120

Эй, у этой обезьяны

Росс к жопе прилип!

00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,880

Росс, он что, будет жить с тобой,

прямо у тебя в квартире?

00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:45,220

Ну да. У меня скучновато с тех пор,

как ушла Кэрол, так что...

00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:47,220

Мог бы подселить к себе соседа!

00:00:47,470 --> 00:00:49,310

Ну не знаю. В определенном возрасте...

00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,270

...жить с соседом уже как-то унизи...

00:00:55,310 --> 00:01:00,360

Я хотел сказать, "унизизи", что

на суахили означает "круто и весело"

00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:04,240

1-й сезон, 10-я серия

"Обезьяна"

00:01:50,940 --> 00:01:53,110

На сегодня у меня только

новый материал

00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:59,240

12 новых песен о самоубийстве

мамы и одна про снеговика

00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:03,620

Предлагаю начать со снеговика

00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,700

Привет, Джои!

00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,790

Ну, как дела?

00:02:07,790 --> 00:02:08,540

А-а... Работу я не получил

Ну, как дела?

00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:10,210

А-а... Работу я не получил

00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:15,740

Как это не получил? Ты же был

Санта-Клаусом в прошлом году!

00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:20,620

Сам не знаю. Какой-то толстяк

спит с директором магазина

00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:23,790

А сам еще и скучный.

Это все политкорректность.

00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,210

Кем же будешь ты?

00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,380

Кем-то из его помощников

00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:30,720

Это такой плевок в лицо, знаете

00:02:30,970 --> 00:02:35,050

Эй, ребята, а у вас всех уже есть

планы на новогоднюю ночь?

00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:38,060

Что такое? Чем вам не угодил

Новый Год?

00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:42,560

Тебе хорошо. У тебя есть Паоло.

Тебе не нужно лихорадочно метаться...

00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:46,820

...в поисках лишних губ, чтобы было

что поцеловать под бой часов!

00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:50,190

Черт, как громко я говорю!

00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,820

К твоему сведению, Паоло

на этот Новый Год будет в Риме

00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:56,240

И я буду чувствовать себя

такой же жалкой, как и все вы

00:02:56,490 --> 00:02:59,540

Ага, размечталась

00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,170

Надоело уже одному на Новый Год

тупо втыкать в телевизор

00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:05,920

Давайте в этом году договоримся -

никаких пар со стороны,

00:03:06,170 --> 00:03:08,500

Нас шестеро, и все. Просто ужин

00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:09,860

- Ладно.

- Согласны.

00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:13,990

Я надеялся, что будет немного

больше энтузиазма

00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,200

Фиби, тебе пора

00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:17,780

Ой, хорошо

00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:21,620

Здравствуйте. Дамы и господа,

снова у нас по просьбам публики...

00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:25,710

...мисс Фиби Буффе!

00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:30,550

Спасибо. Привет.

00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:36,180

Я хочу начать с песни, особенной

для меня в это время года

00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,060

"Снеговик во дворе на пригорке стоит"

00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:46,900

"И дети вокруг играют"

00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:49,730

"А на кухне моей работа кипит"

00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:54,400

"Там маму в мешок сгружают"

00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,660

Прах моей мамы

00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,920

Вместе с бровями

00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:12,090

В горшочке стоит на столе

00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,680

Зимою в морозы

00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:21,010

Пускаю я слезы

00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,680

Над той... Прошу прощения!

Прошу прощения!

00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,310

Вы, шумелки!

00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,860

Если у вас там что-то интересное,

может, поделитесь со всеми?

00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,860

Да нет, спасибо

00:04:35,110 --> 00:04:38,030

Да ну, если вам так важно говорить

об этом, когда я пою...

00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,280

...то, наверное, это стоит послушать

всем присутствующим

00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:45,200

Ну все, тот чувак имеет

двойку по поведению

00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,960

- Я тут говорил...

- Погромче, пожалуйста!

00:04:52,210 --> 00:04:54,170

Извините

00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:59,300

Я говорил другу, что вы - самая красивая

женщина из всех, что я видел в жизни

00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,220

А он сказал... ты сказал, что Дэрил Ханна...

00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:04,470

...самая красивая женщина из всех,

что видел он в своей жизни

00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,890

А я сказал: она хороша во "Всплеске",

но не очень в "Уолл-Стрит"

00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:12,520

- Она там такая жесткая.

- Да, именно.

00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,610

Дэрил Ханна, конечно, красивая

в классическом смысле слова...

00:05:15,860 --> 00:05:20,990

...но вы зато так и лучитесь

нежным легким изяществом

00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:26,700

И в этот момент вы на нас накричали

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,760

Давайте сделаем небольшой перерыв

00:05:39,510 --> 00:05:44,060

Кажется, он будет иметь не только

двойку по поведению

00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:50,600

Иди ко мне, Марсель. Сядь здесь

00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:55,610

Фибс, как же так? Он тебя

до сих пор не поцеловал!

00:05:55,860 --> 00:06:02,450

Паоло к нашему шестому свиданию

уже дал имена обеим моим сиськам

00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,040

Это было слишком откровенно?

00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:10,540

Самую чуточку

00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:14,210

Дэвид, он из этих, яйцеголовых.

Он очень методичный

00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:15,460

Я думаю, это романтично

00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,300

Я тоже!

00:06:17,550 --> 00:06:20,720

Вы видели фильм

"Офицер и джентльмен"?

00:06:20,970 --> 00:06:25,760

Он как раз похож на парня,

с которым я на него ходила

00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:34,310

Только он умнее, добрее и милее

00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,730

Я хочу быть с ним постоянно

00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:40,240

Знаете, днем и ночью.

И ночью, и днем

00:06:40,490 --> 00:06:44,570

И на праздники тоже

00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:48,410

Вот к чему ты клонишь. Ты хочешь

пригласить его на Новый Год

00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:50,830

Ты нарушаешь договор.

Она нарушает договор

00:06:50,830 --> 00:06:52,710

Нет, нет, нет!

00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,460

Ну да, а можно мне...?

00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,670

Можно, поскольку я уже

пригласил Дженис

00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,510

Слушай, это же был договор!

Причем твой договор!

00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,350

Ну я сломался! Не выдержал

давления и сломался!

00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,520

Но Дженис? У вас же был

худший разрыв в истории!

00:07:09,770 --> 00:07:13,850

Я не сказал, что это была

удачная мысль. Я сказал, что сломался!

00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:18,860

Привет, извините за опоздание

00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:29,040

Шутки распирают

00:07:29,290 --> 00:07:32,160

Срочно высмеять Джои!

00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:35,790

Классные боты, а?

00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,380

Господи, ты меня доведешь!

00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,050

Росс, он опять играет

с кухонными приборами!

00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,800

Послушай, он же их не поломает, да?

00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:49,220

Зачем ты его вечно таскаешь сюда?

00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,310

Не хочу оставлять его одного

00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,730

У нас утром уже была первая ссора

00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,730

Из-за того, что я поздно

прихожу с работы

00:07:57,980 --> 00:08:02,610

И я сгоряча наговорил

много лишнего

00:08:02,990 --> 00:08:05,660

А он немного побросался калом

00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:11,240

Если ты задерживаешься на работе,

я могу за ним присмотреть

00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,660

Было бы здорово!

00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,830

Только сделай вид, что ты

специально пришел к нему...

00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,750

...а не делаешь одолжение лично мне

00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,590

Ладно. Но если он спросит,

я врать не буду

00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:32,180

Однако проверить эту теорию

экспериментально нельзя

00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:36,520

Нынешние ускорители частиц

слишком маломощны

00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:38,690

...для создания таких условий

00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:41,690

- Понятно. Тогда у меня вопрос.

- Да!

00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:45,360

Ты когда-нибудь собираешься

меня поцеловать?

00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,120

Вопрос очень уместный...

00:08:50,370 --> 00:08:52,450

...и ответ на него...

00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,950

...будет "да"

00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,830

Да, собираюсь

00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:04,130

Но видишь ли, я хотел сделать

этот поцелуй незабываемым...

00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:07,550

...и выбрать для него незабываемый

момент, потому что это же ты

00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,720

Ну да

00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:12,970

Именно. Но чем дольше я жду,

тем более незабываемым

должен быть поцелуй

00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:17,230

И теперь пора уже переходить

к варианту, когда я...

00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,730

...сметаю все со стола

и валю тебя на него

00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:23,650

А я вообще-то не из таких,

сметальщиков

00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:28,910

А я как раз думаю, Дэвид,

что ты из таких - сметальщиков

00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:33,160

Ты - сметальщик, заключенный

в физикоподобное тело

00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:34,870

- Правда?

- Я уверена.

00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:39,540

Пора уже приступать.

Сметай и вали меня

00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,250

Сейчас?

00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,630

- Прямо сейчас.

- Хорошо, хорошо.

00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:52,430

Знаешь, эта вещь стоит очень дорого

00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,520

А это - подарок

00:09:55,770 --> 00:10:00,230

- Это уже похоже на уборку.

- А, гори оно все огнем.

00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:07,610

- Хочешь, чтобы я тебя бросил...?

- Я могу подпрыгнуть.

00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:26,050

То есть наш договор не приглашать

пары для тебя пустой звук?

00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:30,550

Извини. Просто у Чендлера уже

есть пара, и у Фиби есть пара

00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,720

И я тут подумала пригласить

Бобби-Весельчака

00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:35,140

Твоего бывшего

Бобби-Весельчака?

00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:38,060

А ты знаешь несколько

Бобби-Весельчаков?

00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:41,440

Я знаю одного Боба-Весельчака

00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,310

Так... Вот и твой заказ

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,860

Эй-эй-эй! Там же нет

места для молока

00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,910

Вот. Теперь есть

00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:58,740

Итак, на наш вечер без пар

трое из вас уже имеют пары

00:10:59,000 --> 00:10:59,830

- Четверо.

- Четверо.

00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,830

- Пятеро.

- Пятеро.

00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,750

Извините. Паоло успевает

на более ранний рейс

00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,920

А я встретил в магазине

такую классную мать-одиночку

00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,260

А чем еще заняться эльфу?

00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:15,850

То есть я один буду стоять под

бой часов без пары, как дурак?

00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:19,930

Да ладно. Гостей будет много,

никто не будет знать, кто с кем

00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,140

Именно этого мне как раз не хватало

00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,350

В чем дело?

00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,560

Да это все Марсель

00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:29,610

Он меня бойкотирует

00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:33,860

Все время ходит кругами,

понурив голову

00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:37,120

Странно. А мы с ним вчера

здорово провели время

00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:39,370

- Правда?

- Мы играли, смотрели телевизор

00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:43,620

А жонглирует он вообще потрясающе

00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,460

Как жонглирует?

00:11:47,710 --> 00:11:52,300

Носками, скатанными в шарики.

Разве не ты его научил?

00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:56,720

Да ладно, ничего особенного.

Просто мячики из носков

00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:59,560

И еще дыня

00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,730

- Фиби! Привет!

- Привет, Макс. Ты знаком со всеми?

00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,800

Нет! Ты видела Дэвида?

00:12:08,050 --> 00:12:09,550

Нет, его здесь не было

00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,470

Если увидишь - скажи, пусть

собирает вещи. Мы едем в Минск.

00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:14,560

В Минск?

00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:17,310

В Минск. Это в России

00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,730

Я знаю, где Минск

00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:22,070

Нам дали грант!

00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,650

На три года, с оплатой всех расходов

00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:27,150

И когда вы уезжаете?

00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,860

Первого января

00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:47,830

- Привет! Какими судьбами?

- Макс рассказал мне про Минск.

00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,920

Ну вот, значит, поздравляю!

Это так здорово!

00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:55,970

Было бы еще лучше,

если бы мы поехали

00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:59,730

Так вы не едете? А почему?

00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:00,900

Скажи ей, Дэвид

00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:05,570

"Я не хочу ехать в Минск и работать

с Липсоном, Ямагучи и Фланком"

00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:08,650

"Я хочу остаться здесь

и зажиматься со своей девушкой!"

00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:13,160

Все, спасибо, Макс. Спасибо

00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:15,160

Так ты правда не едешь?

00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:19,160

Не знаю. Я не знаю, что мне делать. Я...

00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:20,580

Решай ты

00:13:20,830 --> 00:13:22,000

- Вот этого не надо.

- Пожалуйста!

00:13:22,250 --> 00:13:23,250

- Но я тебя прошу.

- Не могу.

00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,000

- Я не могу принять решение.

- Придется.

00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,590

- Просто скажи...

- Ладно. Оставайся

00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:32,260

- Остаться.

- Оставайся.

00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:42,100

Здорово ты научился!

00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:45,560

Это вещи Макса

00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:55,200

Обожаю эту штучку с артишоками

00:13:55,450 --> 00:14:00,500

Не говори мне, что там.

На диету я сажусь завтра

00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:06,290

Помнишь Дженис, да?

00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,590

Очень ярко

00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:17,640

Привет, я Сэнди

00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:21,600

Привет, Сэнди. Проходи

00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:31,070

А, ты детей привела

00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,570

Ага. Можно, да?

00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:37,990

Гуляем!

00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,740

Нет, ЭТО я сюда не пущу!

00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,420

ЭТО? Так вот как ты

встречаешь гостей?

00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:48,670

Если бы я пришел с девушкой,

ты бы ей тоже так сказала?

00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:53,010

Твоя девушка не обмочила бы

мой кофейный столик

00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:58,100

Между прочим, ему было так стыдно,

как никому другому

00:14:58,350 --> 00:15:02,770

Знаешь, каково ему - решиться

снова войти в эту комнату...

00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:05,270

...как будто ничего не было...

00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,690

Ладно. Ладно. Только держи его

подальше от меня

00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:11,440

Спасибо. Заходи, Марсель

00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:15,030

Что если нам с тобой немного

повращаться в обществе?

00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,360

Ладно...

00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:21,160

...догоню тебя потом

00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,960

О боже! Рэйчел, милая...

00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:29,880

...что с тобой?

00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,550

Где Паоло?

00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,050

В Риме

00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,220

Идиот пропустил свой рейс

00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:38,510

А потом у тебя голова взорвалась?

00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:41,470

Нет! Значит, так.

00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:44,810

Я в аэропорту садилась в такси...

00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,480

...и тут эта бабища...

00:15:46,730 --> 00:15:49,980

...белобрысая, размером с гору,

с женским романом под мышкой...

00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:51,570

...начала на меня орать

00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,490

Якобы она заняла это такси первая

00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:58,740

И тут же стала вытаскивать

меня за волосы!

00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:01,830

А я начала дуть

в свой свисток самозащиты...

00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,660

...и тут приехало еще три такси

00:16:04,910 --> 00:16:09,750

Я опять кинулась к машине,

а она пошла на перехват!

00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:16,630

В итоге я ударилась головой о бордюр

и рассекла губу о свисток

00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:22,640

Ой, какой у вас веселый праздник!

00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,020

Гостям понравился мой соус?

00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,280

Когда я на той неделе

увидела тебя в магазине...

00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:43,410

...я впервые в жизни

мысленно раздела эльфа

00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,620

- Ого, какой разврат!

- Ага.

00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,040

Здорово, детки

00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:58,630

Вы посмотрите. Нет, он не обязан

весь вечер сидеть со мной...

00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,140

...но хоть бы подходил иногда

00:17:02,140 --> 00:17:05,560

А, вот ты где!

00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,230

Ты от меня сбежал

00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,560

А ты меня нашла

00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:12,480

Эй, Росс, сфотографируй нас

00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:16,650

Улыбочку. Ты на аппарате Дженис

00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:20,240

Убей меня. Немедленно!

00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:26,080

Эй, все, это Бобби-Весельчак!

00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:28,910

Привет. Извини за опоздание,

00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,170

Но у меня дедушка...

00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:33,080

...умер два часа назад

00:17:33,330 --> 00:17:37,670

А вылететь я не смогу

аж до завтра, так что...

00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,420

...вот он я

00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:42,430

Привет, Весельчак!

Как дела, дружбан?

00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,470

Ого! Кто у нас умер?

00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:53,190

Ну, хотя бы гроб будет открытым,

понимаете?

00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,860

Я хотя бы увижу его напоследок

00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,990

Я закажу целый плакат с надписью

блестками "Воссоединение"

00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,830

Ну все, Дженис, с меня хватит!

00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:10,910

Дженис! Дженис. Так, Дженис.

00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,130

Когда я пригласил тебя,

я не имел в виду, что мы опять...

00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:18,130

О нет!

00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:23,220

- Извини, что не сказал прямо.

- Боже мой!

00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,640

Послушай меня, Чендлер!

Слушай внимательно!

00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:32,180

Один из таких случаев может оказаться

твоим последним шансом!

00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:36,060

Отдай мне эту штуку

00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:39,230

Привет, Макс

00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,110

Привет, Йоко

00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:50,490

Я решил поехать в Минск без тебя

00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:53,410

Конечно, это будет не то...

00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:55,420

...но все-таки Минск есть Минск

00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:58,840

С Новым Годом

00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,500

Ты как, нормально?

00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:04,180

Да, я в порядке. Все нормально

00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,680

Ты едешь в Минск

00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:15,850

Нет, я не еду в Минск

00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:17,770

Нет, ты еще как едешь в Минск

00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:21,030

Твое место - в Минске.

Нельзя тебе оставаться ради меня

00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,530

Можно. Если я уеду, мне придется

расстаться с тобой

00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,950

- А я не могу с тобой расстаться.

- Нет, можешь.

00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:32,620

Просто скажи: "Фиби, я тебя люблю,

но работа - это моя жизнь."

00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:34,540

"Я сейчас не могу поступить по-другому."

00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:39,210

А я скажу: "Работа? Работа?!

Как ты можешь такое говорить?"

00:19:39,710 --> 00:19:42,000

А ты скажешь:

"Я разрываюсь на части...

00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:44,880

...но у меня нет выбора.

Разве ты не понимаешь?"

00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:46,880

А я скажу: "Нет!"

00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,890

"Нет! Я этого никогда не пойму!"

00:19:49,890 --> 00:19:50,930

- Ой.

- Извини.

00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,560

И в этом месте ты меня обнимаешь...

00:19:55,810 --> 00:19:57,390

Давай, обнимай

00:19:57,650 --> 00:19:59,730

Извини

00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:04,490

И говоришь мне, что любишь меня,

и никогда меня не забудешь

00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:08,200

Я никогда тебя не забуду

00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:11,200

А потом говоришь, что уже

почти полночь, и тебе пора...

00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:17,580

...потому что нельзя начинать год со

мной, если не получится его закончить.

00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:24,130

Я буду скучать по тебе...

00:20:24,380 --> 00:20:27,630

...яйцеголовый ты мой

00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:30,430

Привет, в прямом эфире Дик Кларк

с Таймс-Сквер

00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:35,600

Здесь, на Таймс-Сквер, мы стоим

посреди целого бурана конфетти

00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:37,560

С каждым годом праздник все лучше

00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:39,940

Вот так, детки

00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:43,400

И в итоге павлин меня укусил

00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:47,030

Прошу, поцелуй меня в полночь!

00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:51,530

Ты видел Сэнди?

00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:54,200

Как бы это правильно сказать...

00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:58,540

...она в спальне, налаживает

отношения с Максом, этим ботаном.

00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:02,040

Гляди-ка! Я сумел

правильно сказать

00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:04,710

Эй, люди, минута до Нового Года

00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,760

Что?

00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:10,430

Сейчас часы пробьют!

00:21:11,550 --> 00:21:13,890

Через двадцать секунд наступит полночь

00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:17,220

И вот он, радостный момент

00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,560

Кажется, договор о празднике без пар

все-таки выполнен

00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:23,270

Все такие счастливые. Ненавижу!

00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,820

Нет, счастливы не все. Эй, Бобби!

00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:28,740

- Четыре, три, два...

00:21:28,990 --> 00:21:33,320

...один! С Новым Годом!

00:21:33,820 --> 00:21:36,830

Я тут подумал об одном варианте.

Я не математик, но...

00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:43,000

...мне кажется, здесь у нас есть

три девчонки и три парня

00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:46,340

Мне не хочется сейчас никого целовать

00:21:46,590 --> 00:21:48,300

А я не могу никого целовать

00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:50,840

Так что, мне целовать всех?

00:21:51,090 --> 00:21:54,050

Тебе нельзя целовать Росса.

Он твой брат

00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:57,060

Отлично. Теперь всех целуют,

кроме меня

00:21:57,310 --> 00:21:58,520

Кто-нибудь, поцелуйте меня

00:21:58,770 --> 00:22:02,600

Кто-нибудь, поцелуйте! Уже полночь!

Кто-нибудь, поцелуйте! Уже полночь!

00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:04,860

Ладно, ладно, ладно!

00:22:05,110 --> 00:22:07,690

На тебе!

00:22:13,780 --> 00:22:16,780

Я так хотел, чтобы у нас все получилось

00:22:17,030 --> 00:22:18,700

Я все еще стараюсь, понимаешь?

00:22:18,950 --> 00:22:22,290

Меняю ему подгузники. Выбираю блох

00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:26,050

А он... вроде так и надо

00:22:26,050 --> 00:22:26,380

Как тяжело принять, что кто-то,

кого ты так любишь...

А он... вроде так и надо

00:22:26,380 --> 00:22:28,630

Как тяжело принять, что кто-то,

кого ты так любишь...

00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,640

...не отвечает тебе взаимностью,

понимаешь?

00:22:31,890 --> 00:22:36,470

Из-за этой суки у меня зуб треснул

00:22:38,230 --> 00:22:40,900

Перевод В.Бродового