Эпизод с госпожой Бинг

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MONICA: Why?

- I just wanna check my horoscope...

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...see if it was right.

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Oh, my God. Phoebe. Don't look now,

but, behind you there's a guy...

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...who has the potential to break our hearts

and plunge us into depression.

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Where?

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Ooh, come to Mama.

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Okay, he's coming.

Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

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- Nice hat.

BOTH: Thanks.

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- We should do something. Whistle.

- We're not gonna whistle.

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- Yeah, come on, do it.

- No.

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- Do it. Do it. Do it.

- Woo-hoo!

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[AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING]

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[TIRES SQUEALING THEN THUD]

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I can't believe you did that.

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MONICA:

Why did I woo-hoo?

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I mean, what was I hoping?

He'd turn around and say:

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"Ooh, I love that sound.

I must have you now"?

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I just wish there was something

we could do.

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[EKG BEEPING]

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Hello. Hello, coma guy.

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Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up!

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- Phoebe, what are you doing?

- Maybe nobody's tried this.

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I wish we at least knew his name.

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Would you look at that face?

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I mean, even sleeping he looks smart.

I bet he's a lawyer.

00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,917

Yeah, but did you see the dents

in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.

00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,588

Okay. He's a lawyer who teaches

sculpting on the side.

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And he can dance.

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And he's the kind of guy who,

when you're talking, he's listening...

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...you know, and not saying,

"Yeah, I understand"...

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...but wondering what you look like naked.

- Oh, stop it.

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I wish all guys could be like him.

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I know.

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Are there no conscious men

in the city for you two?

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- He doesn't have anyone.

- Yeah. We feel kind of responsible.

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I can't believe you said, "Woo-hoo."

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I don't even say, "Woo-hoo."

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Oh, she's coming up. She's coming up.

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Folks, when we come back...

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...we'll talk about her new book

Euphoria Unbound...

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...with always-interesting Nora Tyler Bing.

Put the kids to bed for this one.

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Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie's

is on Showtime and HBO and Cinemex.

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- No way.

- Come on. She's your mom.

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Exactly. Weekend at Bernie's.

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Dead guy getting hit

in the groin 20, 30 times.

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- No?

- Chandler, I gotta tell you...

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...I love your mom's books.

I love her books.

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I cannot get on a plane without one.

I mean, this is so cool.

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You wouldn't think it's cool

if you were 11...

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...and all your friends were passing around

page 79 of Mistress Bitch.

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Come on, Chandler. I love your mom.

I think she's a blast.

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- You can say that. She's not your mom.

ROSS: Oh, please. She's the...

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RACHEL:

Hi, sweetie.

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When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?

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- Last night.

- Really?

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So then his plane didn't explode

in a big ball of fire?

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Just a dream I had.

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But, phew.

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Hey, hey, hey. She's on.

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Ah. Nora Bing.

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Before we get to the book.

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What is this about you being arrested

in London? What is that about?

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- Your mom was arrested?

- Shh, I'm busy beaming with pride.

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This is kind of embarrassing...

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...but occasionally after

I've been intimate with a man...

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- Why would she say that's embarrassing?

- Shh.

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- I just get this craving

for Kung Pao chicken.

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That's too much information.

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So now you're doing this book tour thing.

How's that going?

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Oh, fine. I'm leaving

for New York tomorrow, which I hate.

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But I get to see my son, who I love.

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GROUP:

Oh.

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This is the way that I find out.

Most moms use the phone.

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You know, don't take this wrong,

I just don't see you as a mom somehow.

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- I don't mean that bad.

- Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.

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I bought my son his first condoms.

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And then he burst into flames.

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[EKG BEEPING]

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MONICA: Let's see. "Congress is

debating a new deficit-reduction bill.

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The mayor wants to raise

subway fares again.

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The high today was 45."

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And, oh. And teams played sports.

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[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

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PHOEBE: What about Glen?

MONICA: No.

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- He could be a Glen.

- Mm-mm. Not special enough.

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Ooh, how about Agamemnon?

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Way too special.

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I'm famished. What do I want?

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Please, God, don't let it be

Kung Pao chicken.

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Oh, you watched the show.

What did you think?

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Well, I think you need

to come out of your shell just...

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What is this dive?

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- Only you could've picked this place.

- Oh.

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Come on. Shut up. It's fun.

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- Hi.

NORA: Give me a hug.

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- Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.

- I know I am.

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- Who's doing shots?

- Hit me.

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- I'm in.

- There you go. Ross?

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Uh, I'm not really a shot-drinking

kind of guy.

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Hi. Sorry. Sorry we're late.

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We, uh, kind of just, you know,

lost track of time.

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But a man can change.

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Anyone want me to appraise anything?

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Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you,

I've read everything you've ever written.

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No, I mean it.

When I read Euphoria at Midnight...

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...all I wanted to do was become a writer.

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Oh, please, honey.

If I can do it, anybody can.

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You just start with half a dozen

European cities...

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...throw in 30 euphemisms

for male genitalia...

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...and, bam, you have got yourself

a book.

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My mother, ladies and gentlemen.

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Yeah, any messages for room 226?

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- You okay, slugger?

- Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.

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What is with you tonight?

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Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

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NORA:

Okay, thank you.

00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,527

It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?

00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,572

No. It's the one he's licking.

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She's supposed to be with you.

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You're good.

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Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold

100 million copies of my books...

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...and you know why?

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The girl on the cover

with her nipples showing?

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No, because I know how to write men

that women fall in love with.

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Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.

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People will not turn 325 pages

for a Paolo.

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Come on.

The guy's a secondary character.

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He's just a... You know, a complication

you eventually kill off.

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When?

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He's not a hero.

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You know who our hero is?

00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,076

The guy on the cover

with his nipples showing?

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No, it's you.

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- Please.

- No, really.

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Come on. You're smart. You're sexy.

00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,168

- Right.

- Oh, come on, kiddo.

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You're gonna be fine, believe me.

00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,010

Uh-oh.

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Uh, I'll just pee in the street.

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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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Is Chandler here?

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- Yeah.

- Wait. Come here.

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Okay, uh, about last night...

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...um, you know...

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...Chandler. You didn't tell...

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Okay, I'm thinking

we don't need to tell Chandler.

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It was just a kiss. One kiss.

No big deal, right?

00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:57,053

- Right. No big deal.

- Okay.

00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:58,930

In Bizarro-world.

00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,560

You broke the code.

00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,688

- What code?

- You don't kiss your friend's mom.

00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:10,525

Sisters are okay.

Maybe a hot-looking aunt.

00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,694

But not a mom. Never a mom.

00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,154

[ALL SHOUTING]

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What are you guys doing out here?

00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:21,703

Uh, well, Joey and I had discussed getting

in an early morning racquetball game.

00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:26,249

But, um,

apparently somebody overslept.

00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,128

Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet.

00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,422

No. No, I don't,

because it's being restrung.

00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:35,383

Ahem. Somebody was supposed

to bring me one.

00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:39,346

Yeah. Well, you didn't call

and leave your grip size.

00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,809

Okay, you guys are spending

way too much time together.

00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,356

Okay, I'm scum. I'm scum.

00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,983

- Ross, how could you let this happen?

- I don't know.

00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:56,196

Well, it's not like she's a regular mom.

You know? She's sexy. She's...

00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,490

You don't think my mom's sexy?

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Well, not in the same way.

00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,621

I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani...

00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,748

...was a handsome woman in her day,

all right?

00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,294

You think it's easy giving birth

to seven children?

00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,754

Huh?

00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,466

Okay, I think we're getting

into a weird area here.

00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,343

- Aah.

- Hey.

00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,136

- Hey.

- What are you guys doing out here?

00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,473

Well, ha, ha, not playing racquetball.

00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,687

- He forgot to leave his grip size.

- He didn't get the goggles.

00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,689

Oh. Right.

00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:34,526

Well, sounds like you two have issues.

00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,238

Goodbye, baby.

00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:39,698

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,535

Do they wait for me to do this?

00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,543

- So are you gonna tell him?

- I'm not gonna tell him.

00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,962

- Why would I tell him?

- How about, because if you don't...

00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,256

...his mother might?

- Hmm.

00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,550

What are you guys doing here?

00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,845

Uh, he's not even wearing a jock strap.

00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,269

What did I ask?

00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,696

[EKG BEEPING]

00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,449

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,452

What are you doing here?

00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,455

Nothing. I just thought

I'd stop by, you know, after the, ahem...

00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,332

That I, you know.

Um, so, what are you doing here?

00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:35,170

I'm not really here.

00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:39,966

I just thought I'd drop these off

on the way. My way.

00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,555

Do you, um, come here a lot...

00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,265

...without me?

00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,226

No, no, no.

00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,191

So, um, do you think he's doing any better

than he was this morning?

00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,320

How would I know? I wasn't here.

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,948

Really? Not even to,

um, change his pajamas?

00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,828

Oh, my God.

00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,873

You're my friend. I had to tell you.

00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,792

I can't believe it.

00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,044

Paolo kissed my mom?

00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:20,673

Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you noticed,

but he had a lot to drink.

00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,510

I mean, you know how he gets

when he's drunk...

00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,263

I can't do this. I did it.

00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,974

It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom.

00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,768

What?

00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,480

I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo

and I think I had too much tequila...

00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,775

...and Nora... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...

00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,154

She was just being nice, you know?

But nothing happened.

00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,949

Nothing. Ask Joey. Joey came in...

00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,826

- You knew about this?

- Uh...

00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,203

You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.

00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,957

I spent the entire day with you.

Why didn't you tell me?

00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,251

Hey, hey. You're lucky

I caught them when I did...

00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,169

...or else who knows

what would've happened?

00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,838

Thanks, man. Big help.

00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,465

I can't believe this.

What the hell were you thinking?

00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,759

I wasn't. I don't know. I...

00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:08,263

Of all my friends, no one knows the crap

I go through with my mom more than you.

00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,765

- I know.

- I can't believe you did this.

00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,226

- Me neither.

- I'm mad at you for not telling me.

00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:16,771

- What are you mad at me...?

- Let me slam the door.

00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,357

Chandler, I didn't kiss her. He did.

00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,150

See what happens

when you break the code?

00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,194

- Joey.

- Aah! Uh.

00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,706

- Rach.

- Hey.

00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,042

"A Woman Undone.

By Rachel Karen Green."

00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,629

Yeah, I thought I'd give it a shot.

I'm still on the first chapter.

00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:46,968

Now, do you think his "love stick"

can be "liberated from its denim prison"?

00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,722

Yeah, I'd say so.

00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,142

And there's no "J" in "engorged."

00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,186

- Hey, Rach.

- Hey.

00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,105

- Hello.

- Hello.

00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:02,275

- You going to the hospital tonight?

- No. You?

00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,110

No. You?

00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,656

You just asked me.

00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,909

Okay, maybe it was a trick question.

00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,872

- Um, Rachel, can we do this now?

- Okay.

00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,250

I am so hot.

00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,504

And here's a picture of my mother

and father on their wedding day.

00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,507

Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.

00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,053

I cannot believe

we're having this conversation.

00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,805

Come on, just try to picture her

not pregnant. That's all.

00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,394

Central Perk is proud to present

Miss Phoebe Buffay.

00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:39,979

[CROWD CHEERING]

00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,773

PHOEBE:

Thanks.

00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,691

Hi. Um, ahem. Okay.

00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:47,195

I'd like to start with a song

that's about a man I recently met...

00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,573

...who's, um, come to be

very important to me.

00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,202

Okay.

00:15:56,914 --> 00:16:00,667

[SINGING] You don't have to be awake

To be my man

00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:07,882

Long as you have brain waves

I'll be there to hold your hand

00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,719

Though we just met the other day

00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:15,181

There's something I have got to say

00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,310

Okay, thank you very much.

I'm gonna take a short break.

00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,233

RACHEL: Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay,

everybody. Whoo!

00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,195

- What the hell was that?

- Phoebe just started...

00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,991

I believe I was talking to Joey.

All right, there, mother-kisser?

00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,283

[LAUGHING]

00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,123

"Mother-kisser."

00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,792

I'll shut up.

00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,586

Chandler, can I say something?

I know you're still mad at me.

00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,965

I just wanna say that there were

two people there that night, okay?

00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,051

- There were two sets of lips.

- Yes, well, I expect this from her.

00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,971

Okay? She's always been

a Freudian nightmare.

00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:58,349

Okay, but if she always behaves like this,

why don't you say something?

00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,394

Because it's complicated. It's complex.

00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,229

Hey, you kissed my mom.

00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,444

We're rehearsing a Greek play.

00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,572

- That's funny. We done now?

- No.

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,992

Okay, you mean you're not gonna

talk to her, tell her how you feel?

00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,454

That would be a no. Just because

you played tonsil tennis with my mom...

00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,832

...doesn't mean you know her, all right?

Trust me, you can't talk to her.

00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,376

Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't?

00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:30,965

Okay, that's my finger.

Okay, that's my knee.

00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,925

Still doing the play.

00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,469

[SHOUTS THEN HUMS]

00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,769

All right, what did you do with him?

00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354

[TOILET FLUSHES]

00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,941

- You're awake.

- Look at you.

00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,109

How do you feel?

00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,362

Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.

00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,573

Gosh, you look good.

00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,533

I feel good.

00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911

Who are you?

00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,746

- Sorry.

- I'm Phoebe Buffay.

00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,499

I'm Monica Geller.

I've been taking care of you.

00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:05,666

We both have.

00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:08,836

- So the Etch A Sketch is from you guys?

- Actually, it's just from me.

00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,923

- Yeah, I got you the foot massager.

- Know who shaved you? That was me.

00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,009

- I read to you.

- I sang. Ha.

00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,970

Well, thanks.

00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,389

- Oh, my pleasure.

- You're welcome.

00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,518

So I guess I'll see you around.

00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,354

What? That's it?

00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,606

"See you around"?

00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:32,068

- Well, what do you want me to say?

- Well, I don't know.

00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:33,569

Maybe, uh:

00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,113

"That was nice.

00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,739

It meant something to me.

00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:39,867

I'll call you."

00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:44,038

- All right. I'll call you.

- I don't think you mean that.

00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,377

This is so typical.

00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,670

You know, we give...

00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,296

...and we give...

00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,006

...and we give.

00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,467

And then we just get nothing back.

00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,471

And then one day, it's just, you know,

you wake up and "See you around."

00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,559

Let's go, Phoebe.

00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:08,896

You know what?

We thought you were different.

00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,357

But I guess it was just the coma.

00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,613

NORA:

The car's running downstairs.

00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,241

I wanted to drop off these copies

of my book for your friends.

00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:25,580

- Anything you want from Lisbon?

- No, just knowing you're there is enough.

00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:29,834

All right. Well, be good. I love you.

00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,130

You kissed my best Ross.

00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,551

Or something to that effect.

00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,846

Okay.

00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,643

Look, it was stupid.

00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,188

- Really stupid.

- Really stupid.

00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,692

And I don't even know how it happened.

00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:58,738

I'm sorry, honey.

I promise it will never happen again.

00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,034

- Are we okay now?

- Yeah.

00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,495

No. No.

00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,960

Ah, the forbidden love

of a man and his door.

00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:14,378

Shh.

00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:18,466

He did it. He told her off. And not just

about the kiss, about everything.

00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,675

- You're kidding?

- No.

00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,511

He said, "When are you gonna

grow up and start being a mom?"

00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,764

- Wow.

- Wait, then she came back with:

00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:29,477

"The question is, when are you gonna

grow up and realize I have a bomb?"

00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,105

Okay, wait. Are you sure she didn't say:

00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,109

"When are you gonna grow up

and realize I am your mom?"

00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,823

- That makes more sense.

- You think?

00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,533

Yeah.

00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,786

So, what's going on now?

00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,997

I don't know. I've been standing here

spelling it out for you.

00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,335

I don't hear anything. Wait, wait, wait.

00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:55,711

What do you see?

00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,297

It's hard to tell.

They're so tiny and upside down.

00:20:58,465 --> 00:20:59,799

Wait, wait, wait.

00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:03,386

They're walking away.

They're walking away.

00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,973

No, they're not. They're coming

right at us. Run, run!

00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,810

You okay, kiddo?

00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:14,230

- Yeah, I'm okay.

- All right. You be good.

00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,148

Drive safe.

00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,692

[CHUCKLES]

00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,778

- Mrs. Bing.

- Mr. Geller.

00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,201

Hey.

00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,621

You mean that?

00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457

Yeah, why not?

00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:36,877

- So I told her.

- Oh.

00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,588

- How did it go?

- Awful. Awful.

00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,674

Couldn't have gone worse.

00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,261

- Well, how do you feel?

- Pretty good.

00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,848

I told her.

00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:51,017

Well, see?

00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,354

So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea,

you know, me kissing your mom, huh?

00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,024

But we don't have to go down that road.

00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,657

Now, this is just the first chapter...

00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:11,954

...and I want your absolute

honest opinion. Okay?

00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:16,834

Oh, and on page two, he's not reaching

for her "heaving beasts."

00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:18,961

What's a "niffle"?

00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:22,131

You can usually find them

on the heaving beasts.

00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:26,510

All right, all right,

so I'm not a great typist.

00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:30,723

Wait, did you get to the part

about his "huge, throbbing pens"?

00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:34,810

Tell you, you don't wanna be around

when he starts writing with those.

00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,105

- All right, that's it. Give them back.

GROUP: No.

00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,943

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:09,843

Хочу проверить, прав ли был

мой гороскоп

00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:13,805

О боже! Фиби, не смотри.

За тобой стоит парень...

00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,850

...способный разбить нам сердца

и ввергнуть в глубокую депрессию

00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,353

Где?

00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:21,647

У, иди к мамочке!

00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,358

Он идет! Спокойно, спокойно!

00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:27,194

- Славная шапочка.

- Спасибо.

00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,988

- Надо что-то делать. Свистни.

- Не буду я свистеть.

00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,073

Позови его!

00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:35,160

Давай, давай!

00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:42,125

Что это тебе в голову взбрело?

00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:47,673

1-й сезон, 11-я серия

"Миссис Бинг"

00:01:29,630 --> 00:01:31,260

И зачем я ему крикнула?

00:01:31,510 --> 00:01:33,760

Я что, надеялась,

что он повернется и скажет...

00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:37,810

..."Какой прекрасный крик.

Ты должна быть моей"?

00:01:37,850 --> 00:01:42,270

Что бы нам для него сделать?

00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,070

Привет, коматозный

00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,360

Поднимайся, девчонка!

Подъем, подъем!!!

00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:49,820

Ты что делаешь?

00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:53,530

Я подумала - может,

никто не пробовал этот метод

00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:57,160

Хоть бы имя его узнать

00:01:57,410 --> 00:01:59,120

Посмотри, какое лицо

00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:03,290

Он даже во сне выглядит умным.

Он наверняка адвокат

00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:07,210

Но следы на пальцах

выдают в нем художника

00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:11,630

Тогда адвокат, по совместительству

преподающий скульптуру

00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,930

И он еще танцует!

00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:18,430

И он такой парень, который

слушает, когда ты говоришь...

00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,390

...и не говорит "Я понимаю"...

00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,810

...а откровенно представляет

тебя голой

00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:30,400

Вот бы все парни были как он

00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:33,200

Точно

00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:40,370

То есть в городе для вас

не нашлось мужчин в сознании?

00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:41,870

У него никого нет

00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,710

Мы чувствуем ответственность

00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,840

И что это за жлобские выходки?

00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:49,590

Даже я бы не додумался

00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,420

Ой, вот она!

00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:56,350

И далее у нас Нора Тайлер Бинг,

автор "Эйфории без границ"!

00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,640

Отправьте детей в постель

00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:02,480

Переключите. По двум программам

идет "Уикэнд у Берни"!

00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:03,940

Ни за что!

00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:05,690

Ты что? Это твоя мама!

00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:07,820

Именно. "Уикэнд у Берни"!

00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:12,320

Там покойника бьют по яйцам

20-30 раз за фильм

00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:16,070

Чендлер, знаешь, я обожаю книги

твоей мамы. Обожаю!

00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,990

Я без них в самолет не сажусь.

Они классные!

00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,620

Ты бы так не думала

в свои 11 лет, если бы...

00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:26,380

...по рукам всех твоих друзей ходила

страница 79 "Сучки-любовницы"

00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,840

Да ну, Чендлер!

Твоя мама - просто бомба!

00:03:29,090 --> 00:03:30,920

Хорошо тебе. Она не твоя мать

00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,470

Да ладно! Она...

00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,050

- Буона сэра!

- Привет, сладкий!

00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:40,390

Когда это из Рима

макароны подвезли?

00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:41,930

- Вчера вечером.

- Да ну?

00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,440

И его самолет не сбила

шаровая молния?

00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:47,690

Мне это снилось

00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:50,150

Но к счастью, пронесло

00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,190

Эй, эй! Вот и она!

00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:57,620

А! Нора Бинг!

00:03:57,870 --> 00:04:02,500

Вернемся к книге. Как это вас

арестовали в Лондоне?

00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,330

Твою маму арестовали?

00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:07,120

Ш-ш! Я тут сияю от гордости

00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,960

Мне немного неудобно

00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:13,710

После того, как я

уединилась с мужчиной...

00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:17,050

Что тут неудобного?

00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,560

...я страшно захотела

курицу "Гунбао"

00:04:20,810 --> 00:04:24,430

Не надо пошлых подробностей!

00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:29,480

Итак, у вас тур по раскрутке книги.

Как идут дела?

00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:33,730

Отлично. Завтра я еду в Нью-Йорк,

город, который я ненавижу

00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:37,700

Чтобы увидеть сына,

которого я люблю

00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:41,910

Вот так я это узнаю. Обычные

мамы звонят по телефону

00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,040

Не поймите меня превратно.

Я не представляю вас в роли мамы

00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:50,540

- Не подумайте плохого.

- Да я отличная мама!

00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:54,340

Я купила сыну первые презервативы

00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,720

И тут он покраснел, как мак

00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:14,280

Так, так. "Конгресс обсуждает

законопроект о дефиците бюджета"

00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:16,940

"Мэр хочет поднять плату за метро"

00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,160

"Температура днем 7 градусов"

00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:23,280

Команды играют в спорт

00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:50,690

А если - Глен?

00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:52,100

Может быть

00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,570

Недостаточно оригинально

00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,940

Тогда Агамемнон?

00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,110

Немножко слишком оригинально

00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,750

Умираю с голоду. Что мне взять?

00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:13,250

Боже, только не курицу "Гунбао"

00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,300

Ты смотрел передачу! Что скажешь?

00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:20,550

Тебе немного не хватает

откровенности и раскованности

00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,760

Что это за дыра?

00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:26,680

Только вы могли выбрать такую

00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:30,940

Да ладно, молчи. Тут классно.

Обними меня

00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,980

- Думаю, пора выпить текилы.

- Давно пора.

00:06:34,230 --> 00:06:36,190

- Кто хочет опрокинуть?

- Я! - И я.

00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,900

Поехали. Росс?

00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:40,650

Я никогда, знаете ли,

не любил "опрокидывать"

00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,530

Привет! Извините за опоздание

00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:47,830

Мы немножко, знаете,

потеряли счет времени

00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:52,000

Но люди меняются

00:06:56,210 --> 00:07:00,300

Оценить вам что-нибудь

драгоценное?

00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:12,020

Миссис Бинг, я читала все,

что вы написали

00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:16,480

Когда я читала "Полночную эйфорию",

я сама захотела писать

00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:19,730

Так вперед, лапочка!

Если я могу, любая сможет

00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:22,070

Упомяни десяток

европейских городов...

00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,030

...добавь 30 эвфемизмов

для мужских гениталий...

00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,740

...и бац - книжка в руках!

00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:33,080

Это моя мама, дамы и господа!

00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:38,960

Есть сообщения для номера 226?

00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,630

- Как ты, здоровяк?

- Хорошо. Все в порядке.

00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,480

Да что с тобой сегодня?

00:07:56,730 --> 00:07:59,900

Ничего. Ничего, ничего, ничего

00:08:00,150 --> 00:08:03,070

Хорошо, спасибо

00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:07,620

Итальянский лизун, да?

00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:11,120

Нет. Та, кого он лижет

00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:13,790

Она должна быть с тобой, да?

00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,960

А вы специалист

00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:21,170

Я продала 100 миллионов книг,

а знаешь почему?

00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:26,010

У девушки на обложке видны соски?

00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:31,430

Нет, я умею изображать мужчин,

в которых влюбляются женщины

00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,560

Поверь мне, Паоло я бы не продала

00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:36,940

Ради Паоло никто не перевернет

325 страниц

00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:40,360

Этот парень - второстепенный

персонаж

00:08:40,610 --> 00:08:44,900

Просто осложнение, от которого

ты со временем избавишься

00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:47,950

Когда уже?

00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:51,620

Он - не герой

00:08:51,870 --> 00:08:53,290

А знаешь, кто герой?

00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:56,540

Мужик на обложке, у которого

видны соски?

00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:58,250

Нет, это ты

00:08:58,500 --> 00:08:59,960

- Да ну.

- Нет, правда.

00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:03,090

Да ну, ты же умный, красивый...

00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:04,960

- Ага...

- Не дрейфь.

00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:09,590

Все будет хорошо, поверь мне

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,200

Я пописаю на улице

00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,040

- Чендлер дома?

- Ага.

00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,800

Подожди. Иди сюда

00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:47,380

Насчет прошлого вечера...

00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,470

...ну знаешь...

00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,680

...Чендлеру же ты не сказал?..

00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:55,310

Не надо говорить Чендлеру.

Один поцелуй - ничего особенного

00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,390

Ага. Ничего особенного

00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,850

В мире извращенцев!

00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:03,900

Ты нарушил кодекс!

00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:07,070

- Какой кодекс?

- Нецелования мамы друга.

00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,780

Сестер - можно. Иногда -

аппетитных тетушек.

00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:14,990

Но не мам. Мам - никогда!

00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:18,250

Что это вы тут делаете?

00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:23,290

Джои и я договаривались

с утра побить мяч в стенку

00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:28,130

Но кто-то, наверное, проспал

00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:30,470

Но у тебя же и ракетки нет

00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,390

Нету. Ее перетягивают

00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,810

Кое-кто должен был мне принести

00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:41,560

Но ты не позвонил сказать

размер своей руки

00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:46,770

Вы слишком много времени

проводите вместе

00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,690

Ладно, я подонок

00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,360

- Как ты мог допустить?

- Не знаю.

00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,530

Ну, она же не обычная мама

00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,490

Она соблазнительная. Она...

00:10:56,740 --> 00:11:00,040

Так что, моя мама - нет?

00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,830

Ну, не то чтобы...

00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:08,080

Чтобы ты знал, в свое время

Глория Триббиани была красоткой

00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:08,210

Думаешь, так легко родить

целых семь детей?

Чтобы ты знал, в свое время

Глория Триббиани была красоткой

00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:13,090

Думаешь, так легко родить

целых семь детей?

00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:18,010

Мы начинаем углубляться

в скользкие темы

00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,680

Что вы здесь делаете?

00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,020

Не бьем мяч об стенку

00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:31,360

- Он не сообщил свой размер.

- А он забыл защитные очки.

00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:35,860

У вашей пары семейные проблемы.

00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:40,110

Пока, моя радость

00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:44,870

Они специально меня поджидают?

00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:52,500

- Ты ему скажешь?

- Зачем мне ему говорить?

00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:56,260

Если не скажешь ты,

может сказать его мать

00:11:56,510 --> 00:11:59,130

Что вы здесь делаете, ребята?

00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:03,300

Он даже шлем не надел!

00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:10,900

А что я спросила?

00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,370

Что ты здесь делаешь?

00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,750

Ничего. Решила вот зайти

после, ну, знаешь...

00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,210

...того, как я. Вот

00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:33,080

А ты что здесь делаешь?

00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:35,130

А я не совсем здесь

00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:41,470

Вот решила занести это по пути.

По дороге

00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:45,760

Ты сюда часто приходишь...

00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:47,180

...без меня?

00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:51,100

Нет. Нет. Нет!

00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:57,730

Как ты думаешь, ему стало лучше

после утра?

00:12:57,780 --> 00:13:00,280

Откуда я знаю?

Меня с утра не было.

00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:05,490

Да? И пижамку ему не сменила?

00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,790

О боже!

00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,830

Ты мой друг. Я должен был сказать

00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,540

Прямо не верится

00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,590

Паоло целовал мою маму?

00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:20,630

Не знаю, заметил ли ты,

но он много выпил

00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:25,050

Ты же знаешь, какой он,

когда выпьет...

00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,220

Нет, не могу. Это я

00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:30,230

Это был я. Извини.

Я поцеловал твою маму

00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,730

Что?

00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:36,440

Меня расстроили Рэйчел и Паоло,

я перепил текилы, и тут Нора...

00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:40,320

...миссис Мама, твоя Бинг...

00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:43,070

...проявила внимание.

Но ничего не было. Абсолютно

00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,570

Ничего. Спроси Джои

00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:45,700

Вошел Джои...

00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,740

Ты знал?

00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:51,290

Ну, знание - вопрос философский

00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,920

Ты был со мной весь день.

Почему не сказал?

00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,920

Тебе еще повезло, что я их застал,

а то мало ли что могло быть!

00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,050

Спасибо. Ты очень помог

00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,420

Не могу поверить! Чем ты думал?

00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:04,720

Ничем. Не знаю. Я...

00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:08,220

Никто лучше тебя не знает,

что я пережил с моей мамашей

00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,720

- Я знаю...

- И тут такое прямо на голову!

00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,230

- Это точно!

- Ты тоже провинился!

00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,110

- А я-то в чем...?

- Дайте уже хлопнуть дверью!

00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:23,110

Чендлер, ее не я целовал, а он.

Видишь, как оно - нарушать кодекс?

00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,960

"Падшая женщина".

Автор Рэйчел Карен Грин

00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,550

Я решила попробовать.

Пока что пишу первую главу

00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:48,300

Как думаешь, его "жезл любви" может

"вырваться из джинсового плена"?

00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,720

Да, только так

00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:55,270

И "налился кровью",

а не "напился"

00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,150

- Привет, Рэйч.

- Привет. - Привет.

00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:02,440

- Идешь в больницу вечером?

- Нет. А ты?

00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:05,650

Нет. А ты?

00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,490

Ты уже спросила

00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:12,410

А может, вопрос был сложный

00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:16,580

- Рэйчел, давай начнем?

- Хорошо.

00:15:16,830 --> 00:15:20,340

Я такая возбужденная!

00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,460

Вот мои мама и папа

в день свадьбы

00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:27,880

Только посмей сказать,

что она не красотка

00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,010

Ты соображаешь, о чем мы говорим, а?

00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:34,350

Да ну, ты только представь

ее не беременной!

00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:40,400

"Центроварка" с гордостью

представляет мисс Фиби Буффе

00:15:40,650 --> 00:15:43,070

Спасибо. Привет.

00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:47,070

Начну с песни о мужчине,

которого я встретила недавно...

00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:52,120

...но успела к нему

очень привязаться

00:15:56,910 --> 00:16:02,130

Пусть лежишь ты в коме,

всё равно ты будешь мой

00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:09,050

И пока пищит машина,

рядом буду я с тобой

00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:11,470

Хотя знакомы мы два дня,

00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,020

Но ты так важен для меня...

00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,810

Большое спасибо. Сделаем перерыв

00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:26,190

Итак, это была Фиби Буффе!

00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,150

- Что здесь такое было?

- Фиби начала...

00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:34,450

Вообще я говорил с Джои.

Понял, мамкосос?

00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:41,210

"Мамкосос"

00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:42,750

Молчу, молчу

00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,420

Чендлер, я знаю, что ты

на меня злишься...

00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:48,800

...но в тот вечер там было двое

00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:52,260

- Две пары губ.

- От нее этого следовало ожидать.

00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,930

Она всегда была фрейдистским

кошмаром

00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,270

Если она всегда такая,

скажи ей что-нибудь!

00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,520

Все это сложно. Это сложно!

00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,770

Это ты целовал мою маму!

00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:10,820

Мы репетируем греческую пьесу

00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:12,490

Смешно. Ты закончил?

00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,950

Ты так с ней и не поговоришь

о своих чувствах?

00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,370

Нет уж. Хоть ты и играл с моей

мамой в спасение утопающих...

00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,790

...ты ее не знаешь. Поверь мне,

она не слушает.

00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,420

Она вообще не слушает?

Или не слушает тебя?

00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,090

Так, это мой палец

00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,920

А это мое колено

00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,140

Это все еще пьеса

00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:44,310

Так. Что ты с ним сделала?

00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,860

- Ты встал!

- Какой молодец!

00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,070

Как здоровье?

00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,360

Слабость, а вообще нормально

00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:55,490

Боже, отлично выглядишь!

00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:58,160

И чувствую себя хорошо

00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,870

А вы кто?

00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,660

- Извини.

- Я Фиби Буффе.

00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:04,500

А я Моника Геллер.

Я за тобой ухаживала

00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,630

Мы обе

00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,840

- Так рисовальная доска от вас?

- От меня.

00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:11,800

- А от меня - массажер.

- А я тебя брила.

00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:12,920

А я тебе читала.

00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:15,840

А я пела. Ха!

00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,930

Ну, спасибо.

00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,350

- Ой, пожалуйста.

- Не за что.

00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,520

Ну тогда, до встречи

00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,810

Что? И всё?

00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:28,690

"До встречи"?

00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:32,030

- А что мне сказать?

- Ну не знаю.

00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,570

Может быть...

00:18:33,820 --> 00:18:35,110

..."Вы умнички."

00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,740

"Мне было так приятно."

00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:40,330

"Давайте созвонимся."

00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:45,580

- Ладно. Созвонимся.

- По-моему, ты врешь.

00:18:47,290 --> 00:18:49,340

Как это типично

00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:50,710

Мы, понимаешь, даем...

00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,260

...и даем...

00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:54,050

...и даем.

00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,430

А взамен ничего не получаем

00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:02,060

В один прекрасный день

ты просыпаешься и "До встречи"

00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:05,810

Идем, Фиби

00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:09,690

Знаешь что? Мы думали,

ты другой

00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,690

А разница было только в коме

00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:20,950

Машина ждет. Я хотела только

завезти твоим друзьям мою книгу

00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,960

- Хочешь что-нибудь из Лиссабона?

- Нет, лишь бы ты туда уехала.

00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:30,960

Хорошо. Будь здоров.

Я тебя люблю

00:19:32,550 --> 00:19:35,670

Ты целовалась с моим

лучшим Россом!

00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:40,090

Ну ты поняла смысл

00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,600

Слушай, это было глупо.

00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:51,610

- Очень глупо.

- Очень глупо.

00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,820

Даже не знаю, как это получилось

00:19:55,070 --> 00:20:00,240

Извини, дорогой. Обещаю,

что это не повторится

00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,540

- Теперь мир?

- Да.

00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,580

Нет

00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:15,000

А, извращенная любовь

мужчины к его двери

00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:18,420

Он ей сказал. Обо всем,

не только про поцелуй!

00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:19,630

Да ты что?

00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,850

Говорит: "Когда ты повзрослеешь

и поймешь, что у тебя есть сын?"

00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,720

А она в ответ...

00:20:24,970 --> 00:20:30,940

..."Когда ты уже повзрослеешь

и поймешь, что у тебя есть бомба?"

00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,900

А может, она сказала...

00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:38,610

..."Когда ты уже повзрослеешь

и поймешь, что у тебя есть мама?"

00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,120

Да, так больше смысла

00:20:42,370 --> 00:20:44,990

Думаешь?

00:20:45,290 --> 00:20:46,700

А что там сейчас?

00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:51,830

Не знаю. Я как раз тебе

все пересказывал

00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,250

Ничего не слышу. Подожди!

00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,500

Что ты видишь?

00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:58,170

Трудно сказать.

Они маленькие и вверх ногами

00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,670

Стоп, стоп, стоп!

00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,430

Они уходят. Уходят!

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:08,680

Нет, они идут сюда, на нас.

Бежим!

00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:10,850

Ты в порядке, сынок?

00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,190

Да, в порядке

00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,230

Вот и хорошо. Счастливо

00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,650

Осторожно за рулем

00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:21,910

- Миссис Бинг.

- Мистер Геллер.

00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,080

Эй!

00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,120

Ты это серьезно?

00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:34,330

Да, почему бы нет!

00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:37,340

Я ей все сказал

00:21:37,590 --> 00:21:39,510

- Как прошло?

- Ужасно. Кошмар.

00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,180

Хуже не бывает

00:21:42,430 --> 00:21:44,090

Ну... и как ты?

00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:46,810

Неплохо

00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:48,770

Я же все сказал

00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:50,770

Вот видишь!

00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:55,270

Может, не так уж и плохо,

что я поцеловал твою маму, а?

00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,440

Но развивать эту тему не стоит

00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:06,730

Это только первая глава...

00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:11,990

...и меня интересует ваше

откровенное мнение. Хорошо?

00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,820

И на странице 2 он тянется

не к ее "дымающимся гудям"

00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:18,950

А при чем тут "совок"?

00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,660

Это то, что можно найти на

"дымающихся гудях"

00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:26,460

Ну да, я плохая машинистка!

00:22:26,710 --> 00:22:31,300

Вы уже дочитали до места про

"дрожащий от страсти челн"?

00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:35,760

Не хотелось бы мне плавать

на чем-то подобном!

00:22:36,010 --> 00:22:37,760

Ну всё. Отдайте назад!

00:22:38,350 --> 00:22:39,350

Перевод В.Бродового