Эпизод с конфетками-сердцами

00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:08,465

She barely knows me.

We just live in the same building.

00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,051

- Any contact?

- She lent me an egg once.

00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,469

You're in.

00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,097

Oh, right.

00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,599

- Hey, Ross.

- Hey.

00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,351

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,899

Come on, Ross. You gotta get back

in the game here.

00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:30,279

The Rachel thing's not happening,

your ex-wife's a lesbian, you...

00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,115

I don't think we need a third.

00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:36,577

Excuse me. Could we get an egg

over here, still in the shell?

00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:37,828

An egg?

00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:42,958

Yeah. Go up to her and say, "Here's your

egg back. I'm returning your egg."

00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,169

I think it's winning.

00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,255

- I think it's insane.

- She'll love it.

00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,426

- Thank you.

- Thank you. Here.

00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,387

[STUTTERS]

00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,514

Go with the egg, my friend.

00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,311

JOEY & CHANDLER:

Go, go, go.

00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,566

- Think it'll work?

- It's suicide. The man's got an egg.

00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:00,119

MONICA: You cannot do this.

RACHEL: What? Do what?

00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,912

Roger wants to take her out.

00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,165

No. Pheebs. Don't you remember

why you dumped the guy?

00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,334

Because he was creepy.

00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:10,254

And mean. And a little frightening.

00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:13,048

Still, it's nice to have

a date on Valentine's Day.

00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:15,259

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,137

You can go out with a creep

any night of the year.

00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,097

I know I do.

00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,599

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,269

What are you doing tomorrow night?

00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,813

Actually, tomorrow night

depends on how tonight goes.

00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:32,192

- Oh. Uh, listen, about tonight...

- No, no, don't you dare bail on me.

00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,904

She's only going out with me because

I'm bringing a friend for her friend.

00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,990

But her friend sounds like such a...

00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,450

Pathetic mess. I know, but...

00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,246

Come on, man, she's needy,

she's vulnerable. I'm thinking:

00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,497

[MIMICS CASH REGISTER]

00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:51,253

Thanks.

00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:56,008

You haven't been out with a woman

since Janice. You're doing this.

00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,135

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,304

- She said yes.

- Ahem.

00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,889

Yes! Way to go, man.

00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,307

[EGG CRACKS]

00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,143

CHANDLER: Still got the egg, huh?

- Yeah.

00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:21,909

- How do I look?

- Oh, um...

00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,452

...I don't care.

00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:28,582

There's Lorraine.

00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,584

Now, remember, no trading.

00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:33,128

You get the pretty one.

I get the mess.

00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,881

- Hi, Joey.

- Hey.

00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:39,676

Well, well.

00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,511

Look what you brought.

00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,222

Very nice.

00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,225

And what did you bring?

00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,645

She's checking her coat.

00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,190

Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell

off of my hands.

00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:57,236

Will you get me a white zinfandel

and a glass of red for Janice?

00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:06,411

Janice?

00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:08,956

Oh...

00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,415

...my...

00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,875

...God.

00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,173

Hey, it's Janice.

00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,765

Okay, I'm making a break for it.

I'm going out the window.

00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:31,645

No, don't, please. I've been waiting

for forever to go out with Lorraine.

00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:34,064

- Just calm down.

- Calm down? Calm down?

00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:37,109

You set me up with a woman I've dumped

twice in the last five months.

00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,694

Hey.

00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,156

Can you stop yelling?

You're making me nervous...

00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,745

...and I can't go when I'm nervous.

00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,456

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right.

00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,547

Come on! Do it, do it, do it!

Come on!

00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:03,969

Okay, Roger was creepy, but he was

nothing compared to Pete Carney.

00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,096

- Which one was he?

- Pete the Weeper?

00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:10,017

Remember the guy that used to cry

every time we had sex?

00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,020

[MIMICS SOBBING]

"Oh, was it good for you?"

00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:19,401

Well, I'd take a little crying

any day over Howard, the "I win" guy.

00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,695

"I win. I win."

00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:26,491

I went out with him for two months.

I didn't get to win once.

00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,495

How do we end up with these jerks?

We're good people.

00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,582

I don't know. I think we're like

some kind of magnets.

00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:37,336

I know I am. That's why I can't

wear a digital watch.

00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,215

There's more beer, right?

00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:47,471

Oh. You know my friend Abby

who shaves her head?

00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,767

She says to break the

bad-boyfriend cycle...

00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,311

...you can do a cleansing ritual.

00:05:57,023 --> 00:06:00,650

Pheebs, this woman

is voluntarily bald.

00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,528

Yeah.

00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:06,740

So we can do it

tomorrow night, you guys.

00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:08,825

It's Valentine's Day.

It's perfect.

00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,453

Okay, well, what kind of ritual?

00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:15,749

Okay, we can, um, burn the stuff

they gave us.

00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,293

Or?

00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:23,340

Or we can chant and dance around naked,

you know, with sticks.

00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,677

- Burning's good.

- Burning's good.

00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,471

RACHEL:

I've got stuff to burn.

00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,391

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING

OVER SPEAKERS]

00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,564

You know...

00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:44,194

...ever since I was little, I've been

able to pick up quarters with my toes.

00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:47,072

Yeah? Good for you.

00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:53,120

Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?

00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:02,421

By the way, Chandler,

I cut you out of all of my pictures.

00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:06,133

So if you want, I have a bag

with just your heads.

00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:09,177

That's okay.

00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,598

Are you sure? Because you

could make little puppets out of them.

00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:17,352

And you could use them in your

Theater of Cruelty.

00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,606

We can't do that.

00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,860

What? What can't you do?

00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,323

Uh, can I talk to you for a second?

Over there?

00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,583

Uh, we might be leaving now.

00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,377

Tell me it's you and me "we."

00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,883

She said she wants to slather my body

with stuff and then lick it off.

00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,802

I'm not even sure what slathering is.

00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:53,930

But I definitely want to be

a part of it.

00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,018

Okay, you cannot do this to me.

00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,730

You're right. I'm sorry.

You're right.

00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:06,234

Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses

to go, please?

00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,403

I'm out of here.

00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:13,533

Here's my credit card.

Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.

00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,369

I hope she throws up on you.

00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,873

Thanks.

00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,961

- So...

- Just us.

00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,631

Ugh, what a crappy night.

00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:32,093

Although I have enjoyed the fact that

your shirt's been sticking out...

00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,222

...of your zipper since you

came back from the bathroom.

00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:37,140

[LAUGHS]

00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:41,478

Excuse me.

00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,274

How you doing?

00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:55,116

So do we have the best friends,

or what?

00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,702

Joey's not a friend. He's...

00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,958

...a stupid man who left us

his credit card.

00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:08,088

Another drink? Some dessert?

A big-screen TV?

00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:09,923

I will go for that drink.

00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,716

You got it. Good woman.

00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:19,641

A bottle of your

most overpriced champagne.

00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,518

- Each.

- That's right. Each.

00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,687

Oh. And a, uh, Rob Roy.

00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,523

I've always wanted to know.

00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:48,503

Happy Valentine's Day.

00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,888

Oh, I miss you already.

00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,975

Can you believe this happened?

00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,685

No, no.

00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:06,605

And yet it did.

00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,774

- Goodbye, Janice.

- Kiss me.

00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:17,532

Oh, Chandler. Sorry.

00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,870

- Hey, Janice.

- Hi, Monica.

00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:24,998

Okay. Well, this was very special.

00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,127

Rach, come see who's out here.

00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,505

What's going on...?

Oh, my God.

00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,883

Janice. Hi.

00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:38,053

Janice is gonna go away now.

00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,056

I'll be right back.

00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,268

Oh. Joey. Look who it is.

00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,103

Whoa.

00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,982

Oh, good. Joey's home now.

00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,568

This is so much fun.

00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,154

This is like a reunion in the hall.

00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,198

[LAUGHS]

00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:02,035

Hi, Ross. There's someone

I want you to say hi to.

00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,747

He just happened to call.

00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,417

Hello, Ross. Yes, that's right.

It's me. How did you know?

00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,960

[LAUGHS]

00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:20,303

I'm just saying if dogs

do experience jet lag, then...

00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:24,849

...because of the whole seven-dog-

years-to-one-human-year thing...

00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:28,395

...that when a dog flies

from New York to Los Angeles...

00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:32,774

...he doesn't just lose three hours,

he loses, like, a week and a half.

00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,110

[LAUGHS]

00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:38,780

- That's funny.

- Yeah.

00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,710

What?

00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,256

Who are they?

00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,758

The, uh, blond is my ex-wife.

00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,053

And the woman touching her is her...

00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,472

...close personal friend.

00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,768

You mean they're lovers?

00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:11,104

If you want to put a label on it.

00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:14,399

Wow. Heh.

00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,485

- Anything else I should know?

- Nope. That's it.

00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,364

Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby.

00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,412

I always forget that part.

00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,623

Hello.

00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:42,093

Okay. So now we need, um,

sage branches and the sacramental wine.

00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,473

All I had is oregano and a Fresca.

00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,516

Um, that's okay.

00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,979

RACHEL: Ooh.

- Okay.

00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:56,941

All right. Now we need the semen

of a righteous man.

00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,783

Huh. Okay, Pheebs, if we had that...

00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,160

...we wouldn't be doing the ritual

in the first place.

00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:12,332

- Can we start throwing things in?

- Um, yeah, okay.

00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,210

Oh. Okay. Um...

00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,587

Okay. Barry's letters.

00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,633

Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.

00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,135

And I have the receipt

from my dinner with:

00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,929

[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,353

- A picture of Scotty Jared, naked.

- Let me see.

00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:35,188

He's wearing a sweater.

00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,398

- No.

RACHEL & PHOEBE: Ew!

00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:44,906

Okay, and here we have

the last of Paolo's grappa.

00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:46,658

Wait. Isn't it almost pure...?

00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,201

[ALL SCREAM]

00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,707

How can I dump this woman

on Valentine's Day?

00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,919

I don't know.

You dumped her on New Year's.

00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,967

Oh, man. In my next life

I'm coming back as a toilet brush.

00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:08,304

Hello, funny valentine.

00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,057

Hi, just Janice.

00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,519

Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker.

00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:17,605

I could just kiss you all over,

and I'm gonna.

00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:21,901

Oh. Okay, heh. Ha, ha, okay.

00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,321

If you don't do it, I will.

00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:41,379

So, um, what do you do for a living?

00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:42,922

Well, um for the past few years...

00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,257

[PAGER BEEPS]

00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,176

Oh, no. You said they could

shoot the spot without you.

00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,428

SUSAN:

I thought they could.

00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:51,931

- Working with children,

which is really fulfilling.

00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:55,393

I'll try to get back

as soon as I can. I'm sorry.

00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:58,938

KRISTEN: So I'm spending most

of my time teaching science, heh...

00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:02,942

...which is funny because

that wasn't even my major.

00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,325

[LAUGHS]

00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,956

Now, that is funny.

00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:21,502

Hey, do you think...?

00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,715

Would it be too weird if I invited

Carol over to join us?

00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,051

Because she's alone now.

00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,386

And pregnant. And sad.

00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,014

- I guess.

- Are you sure?

00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,682

Thanks. Carol.

00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,185

Wanna come over and join us?

00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,645

Oh, no. I'm fine.

00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:41,981

Come on, stand up. These people

will scooch down. Come on.

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,401

Come over here.

You guys will scooch, won't you?

00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,655

Let's try scooching. Come on.

00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,990

ROSS: Come on.

CAROL: Thank you.

00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:56,204

Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willet.

00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,915

- Carol, Kristen.

- How do you do?

00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,417

Um... Oh, uh, Carol teaches sixth grade.

00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:04,170

And, uh, Kristen...

00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,842

Kristen does something...

00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,096

...that, funnily enough...

00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,391

...wasn't even her major.

00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,188

FIREMAN 1:

What do we got there?

00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,441

A piece of silk boxer shorts...

00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,694

...some greeting cards...

00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:31,364

...what looks like a

half-charred picture of...

00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:34,534

Wow, that guy's hairier

than the chief.

00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,499

You know, it's a really funny story

how this happened.

00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,501

It's all right. Don't explain.

00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,838

It's not the first boyfriend bonfire

we've seen get out of control.

00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,843

- You're our third call tonight.

- Really?

00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:55,179

Sure. Valentine's is our

busiest night of the year.

00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,226

I brought you something.

00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,936

Is it loaded?

00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:08,234

Oh, little candy hearts.

00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,280

"Chan and Jan forever."

00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,824

I had them made special.

00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,871

Okay, Janice.

00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:21,998

Janice.

00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,751

Hey, Janice.

00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,214

Look, there's no way for me

to tell you this.

00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,009

At least, there's no new way

for me to tell you this.

00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:38,931

I just don't think things

are gonna work out.

00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:42,852

That's fine.

00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,357

- It is?

- Mm-hm.

00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:52,195

Because I know that this

isn't the end.

00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,741

Oh, no. You see, actually, it is.

00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,827

No, it isn't. Because you

won't let that happen.

00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,537

Don't you know it yet?

00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,957

You love me, Chandler Bing.

00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,755

Oh, no, I don't.

00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,258

Then why do you think

we keep ending up together?

00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,344

New Year's, who invited who?

00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:19,472

Valentine's, who asked who

into whose bed?

00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:22,141

- I did, but...

- You seek me out.

00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:27,522

Something deep in your soul

calls out to me like a foghorn.

00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:31,651

Janice. Janice.

00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,237

You want me. You need me.

00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,698

You can't live without me.

00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,575

And you know it.

00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,830

You just don't know you know it.

00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,335

See you.

00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,510

Call me.

00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:10,106

It's not true. I never called

your mother a wolverine.

00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,859

You did so. I swear.

I swear to...

00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,157

How long has she been in the bathroom?

00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:23,244

Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom.

Her coat is gone.

00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,580

Well, maybe it's cold in there.

00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,169

Maybe I screwed up the first date

I had in nine years.

00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,921

- That could be it.

- Oh, God.

00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,633

You know, this is still pretty hot.

00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:43,472

Mushroom.

00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,017

Smile.

00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:50,980

They won't all be like this.

Some might even stay through dinner.

00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,483

- I'm sorry. That's not funny.

- No, it's just...

00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:58,738

Well, you know the whole

getting-on-with-your-life thing?

00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:01,032

Well, do I have to?

00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:06,329

I mean, well, I'm sitting here

with this cute woman...

00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,623

...and she's perfectly nice,

you know?

00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,750

But there's...

00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,169

That's it.

00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:19,133

And, uh, then I'm here talking to you,

and it's easy and it's fun.

00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,844

And I don't have to...

00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:23,846

- I know.

- You know?

00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:31,145

Here's a wacky thought. Um, ahem.

00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:35,107

- Let's say you and I give it another shot.

- Ross.

00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:37,568

No, no, I know what you're gonna say.

You're a lesbian.

00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:44,575

But what do you say we just

put that aside for now, you know?

00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:47,328

Let's just stick a pin in it, okay?

00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,456

Because we're great together,

you know?

00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,750

You can't deny it.

00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:56,170

And besides, you're carrying my baby.

00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,173

- I mean, how perfect is that?

- Ross...

00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:02,343

You keep saying that,

but there's something right here.

00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:03,552

I love you.

00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,604

I love you too.

00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,941

- But...

- No "but." No "but."

00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:22,113

You know that thing

we put over here with the pin in it?

00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,618

It's time to take the pin out.

00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:33,457

Yeah.

00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:38,004

You'll find someone. I know you will.

The right woman is waiting for you.

00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:41,090

It's easy for you to say.

You found one already.

00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:46,470

All you need is a woman who likes men

and you'll be set.

00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:51,934

Not her.

00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,489

We get off around midnight.

Why don't we pick you up then?

00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,366

RACHEL: Okay.

MONICA: Great.

00:22:08,076 --> 00:22:10,703

So, um, will you bring the truck?

00:22:13,206 --> 00:22:15,708

- I'll even let you ring the bell.

- Wohoo!

00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:18,836

FIREMAN 1: We'll see you later.

FIREMAN 2: Bye. See you later.

00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,755

Thanks. See you.

00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,256

Oh, my God.

00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:25,092

See, there you go.

00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,720

- The cleansing worked.

MONICA: You're right.

00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:29,430

They're nice guys.

00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,058

They're firemen guys.

00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,020

FIREMAN 1: You tell them you're married?

FIREMAN 2: No way.

00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,439

My girlfriend doesn't know.

I'm not gonna tell them.

00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:44,278

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:08,470

Да она меня едва знает.

Мы просто живем в одном доме

00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:09,510

Разговаривали?

00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,010

Как-то раз она одолжила мне яйцо

00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:13,310

Ну и всё!

00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,470

Да уж...

00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:18,350

- Привет, Росс!

- Привет!..

00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,900

Давай, Росс! Тебе пора

снова включаться

00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:30,990

С Рэйчел дело не движется,

твоя бывшая - лесбиянка...

00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,120

Я думаю, третьего уже не надо

00:00:33,370 --> 00:00:36,750

Прошу прощения. Можно

сырое яйцо, прямо в скорлупе?

00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:37,830

Яйцо?

00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:43,290

Подойди к ней и скажи: "Вот ваше

яйцо. Я возвращаю ваше яйцо."

00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:45,840

Это железный вариант!

00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:47,170

Это идиотский вариант

00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:49,470

Она клюнет!

00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,970

- Спасибо.

- Спасибо. Вот.

00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,060

Держи яйцо крепче, дружище

00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,150

Пошел, пошел!

00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:07,900

- Думаешь, получится?

- Ему крышка. Мужик с яйцом в руке?!

00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:11,320

1-й сезон, 14-я серия

"Конфетки-валентинки"

00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,110

- Нельзя тебе этого делать.

- Чего?

00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,860

Роджер зовет ее завтра

на свидание

00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:05,580

Нет! Фибс, ты что, не помнишь,

почему ты его бросила?

00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:08,080

Потому что он маньяк

00:02:08,330 --> 00:02:10,250

Отвратительный и пугающий

00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:14,590

И все равно хорошо иметь пару

на День Валентина!

00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:18,550

Фиби, свидание с маньяком -

это нехорошо в любой вечер года

00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,630

Уж я-то знаю по себе

00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,220

А что вы делаете завтра вечером?

00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:28,390

Завтрашний вечер зависит от того,

как пройдет сегодняшний

00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:32,190

- Послушай, насчет сегодня...

- Нет, только попробуй соскочить!

00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,860

Она согласилась только затем,

чтобы я привел друга для ее подруги

00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:37,980

Да, но "ее подруга" -

это же почти всегда...

00:02:38,230 --> 00:02:40,740

Унылое страшилище.

Понимаю, но...

00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:43,570

Да ладно, она изголодалась,

она легко доступна

00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:47,030

Так что я думаю... Трах-бах!

00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,000

Спасибо

00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:57,550

Суди сам, у тебя никого не было

со времен Дженис. Ты идешь!

00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,760

Она согласилась

00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:03,880

Молодец, чувак!

00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:07,680

Яйцо осталось у тебя, да?

00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,820

Как я выгляжу?

00:03:22,070 --> 00:03:24,990

Мне наплевать

00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:28,580

А вот и Лорейн

00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,580

Так! И запомни -

никаких обменов

00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:34,670

Тебе - красотка. А мне -

страшилище

00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,630

Так-так!

00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,510

Что это ты нам привел!

00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,050

Очень славно

00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:47,760

А что ты привела?

00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:49,640

Она сдает пальто

00:03:49,890 --> 00:03:53,180

Джои, пойду-ка я смою с рук

запах такси

00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:58,770

Возьмешь мне белого калифорнийского

и бокал красного для Дженис?

00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:04,530

Дженис?

00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:08,950

Бо...

00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:10,410

...же...

00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:13,410

...мой!

00:04:15,870 --> 00:04:19,090

Ой, а вот и Дженис!

00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,760

Я сделаю пролом в стене!

Я выскочу в окно!

00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:31,600

Нет, пожалуйста! Я столько старался,

чтобы вытащить Лорейн на свидание!

00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:34,060

- Давай без нервов.

- Без нервов? Без нервов?

00:04:34,310 --> 00:04:39,360

Ты привел мне женщину, которую

я бросил два раза за пять месяцев!

00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:44,690

Может, хватит орать?

Я от этого нервничаю...

00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:49,070

...и у меня ничего не получается

00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,990

Извини. Прости. Ты прав

00:04:55,290 --> 00:05:00,080

Давай! Ссы, ссы, ссы! Давай!

00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:03,960

Ладно, Роджер был маньяк, но это

цветочки по сравнению с Питом Карни

00:05:04,210 --> 00:05:06,090

- А это который?

- Пит-плакса?

00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:10,260

Помните парня, который плакал

каждый раз после секса?

00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:14,560

"Тебе было хорошо?"

00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:19,350

Ну, я бы лучше пережила плаксу,

чем Говарда-победителя!

00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,860

"Победа! Победа!"

00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:26,860

Я с ним встречалась два месяца.

И ни разу не победила!

00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:30,490

Почему нам достаются такие придурки?

Мы же хорошие девушки

00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:33,580

Не знаю. Может, у нас есть

какие-то магниты

00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:38,870

У меня точно есть. Поэтому

я не могу носить электронные часы

00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:43,750

Пиво еще есть, да?

00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:49,010

Ой! Знаете мою подругу Эбби,

которая бреет голову?

00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:51,760

Она говорит, что для разрыва

порочного круга плохих парней...

00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:55,850

...нужно проделать ритуал

очищения

00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:02,190

Фибс, эта женщина добровольно

лишила себя волос

00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:06,730

Ну? Мы можем проделать ритуал

сегодня вечером, девчонки

00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:09,070

Сейчас день Валентина.

Лучше не придумаешь

00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,450

Ладно, и что это за ритуал?

00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:16,580

Ну, можно сжечь всё,

что они нам подарили

00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:18,290

Или...?

00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:24,880

Или петь заклинания и танцевать

в кругу голыми, с жезлами

00:06:26,550 --> 00:06:27,670

- Лучше сжечь!

- Да!

00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:29,510

У меня есть что сжигать

00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:39,520

Знаешь...

00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:44,190

...с самого детства я умею

поднимать монетки пальцами ног

00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,560

Да?

00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,610

Молодчинка

00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:52,860

Монетки... или столбики монеток?

00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:02,420

Кстати, Чендлер, я вырезала тебя

из всех моих фотографий

00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:07,670

Так что если тебе нужно, у меня

есть целый кулёк твоих голов

00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,710

Да нет, спасибо

00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,590

Точно? А то мог бы наделать

из них маленьких куколок

00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:18,890

И открыть собственный

кукольный театр уродов!

00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,480

Нет, так я не могу!

00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:26,400

Как? Как ты там не можешь?

00:07:28,110 --> 00:07:31,860

Можно тебя на секунду? Вон туда

00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:40,490

Мы, наверное, сейчас уйдем

00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:43,620

Скажи, что "мы" - это ты и я

00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:47,880

Она сказала, что хочет умастить

мое тело чем-нибудь и облизать

00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:51,130

Я, правда, не знаю, что такое

"умастить"!

00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:55,130

Но я точно не хочу

это пропустить!

00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:59,180

Слушай, нельзя так

со мной поступать

00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:01,680

Ты прав. Извини. Ты прав

00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:06,770

Можно нам три шоколадных мусса

с собой, пожалуйста?

00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,940

Всё, я пошел

00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,860

Вот моя кредитка. Ужин за мой

счет. Извини, Чендлер

00:08:14,110 --> 00:08:17,910

Надеюсь, ее на тебя вырвет

00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:21,410

Спасибо

00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,250

Ну вот...

00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,120

Остались одни мы

00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:27,710

Какой дерьмовый вечер!

00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:32,090

Хотя.. мне приятно видеть, что

у тебя рубашка торчит из ширинки...

00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:36,720

...с тех пор,

как ты вышел из туалета

00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:43,020

Прошу прощения

00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:46,730

Как делишки?

00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:55,110

Так это, значит,

наши лучшие друзья, да?

00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,240

Джои мне не друг. Он...

00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:04,500

...идиот, оставивший нам

свою кредитную карточку

00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:08,170

Еще по бокалу? Десерт?

Телевизор с большим экраном?

00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:09,920

Пожалуй, я выпью еще бокал

00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:13,250

Без проблем. Эй,

добрая женщина!

00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:19,590

Бутылку вашего шампанского

с самой большой наценкой

00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:20,550

Каждому

00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,100

Правильно. Каждому

00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:24,560

И "Роб Рой"

00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:28,060

Всегда хотел узнать, что это

00:09:44,740 --> 00:09:50,040

С Днем Святого Валентина!

00:09:56,050 --> 00:10:00,010

Ой, я уже по тебе скучаю

00:10:00,260 --> 00:10:01,970

Тебе верится,

что это случилось?

00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:04,810

Нет, не верится!

00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:07,270

И все-таки это правда

00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:11,310

- Прощай, Дженис.

- Поцелуй меня!

00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:14,820

Ой, Чендлер. Извини

00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:19,070

Ой, Чендлер. Извини!

00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:20,660

Привет, Дженис.

00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:21,820

Привет, Моника.

00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,950

Ну вот. Было так здорово

00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,370

Рэйч, иди глянь, кто у нас здесь!

00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:32,460

А что такое...? Боже мой!

00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:35,130

Дженис! Привет!

00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:39,590

А Дженис уже уходит,

прямо сейчас!

00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,600

Я сейчас вернусь

00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:46,810

Джои! Смотри, кто здесь!

00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,980

Прекрасно!

Вот и Джои пришел!

00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:53,570

Как у нас тут весело!

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:58,360

Прямо встреча одноклассников

посреди коридора!

00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:03,580

Привет, Росс. Поздоровайся

с одним человеком

00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:05,740

Он как раз позвонил

00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:12,000

Привет, Росс. Да, ты прав,

это я. А как ты догадался?

00:11:16,590 --> 00:11:20,300

Просто если собаки тоже ощущают

смену часовых поясов при перелете...

00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:24,850

...тогда из-за соотношения возрастов

человека и собаки как семь к одному...

00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:28,350

...если собака летит из Нью-Йорка

в Лос-Анджелес...

00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:34,310

...собака теряет не три часа,

а примерно полторы недели!

00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:38,860

Как смешно!

00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,340

А кто это?

00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,760

Блондинка - моя бывшая жена

00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,220

А женщина, которая ее трогает,

это ее...

00:12:02,470 --> 00:12:06,010

...близкая личная подруга

00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,770

То есть они любовницы?

00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:12,640

Ну, если хочешь повесить ярлык...

00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:19,030

- Я еще чего-нибудь не знаю?

- Не-а. Вроде всё.

00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:22,900

А, еще она беременна моим ребенком

00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,950

Как-то всегда вылетает из головы

00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:32,160

Привет!

00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:43,630

Так. Теперь нам нужны ветки шалфея

и особое ритуальное вино

00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,260

У меня тут есть мята и

спиртованный сок

00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,060

Нормально, подойдет!

00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:58,480

Ну вот. Теперь нам нужно семя

праведного мужа

00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:08,700

Знаешь, Фибс, если бы мы его имели,

на кой бы нам был нужен этот ритуал

00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,790

Можно начинать бросать вещи?

00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,870

Ага, давайте!

00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,750

Так. Письма Барри

00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,630

Трусы-боксёры Адама Риттера

00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:27,470

А у меня есть счет за ужин с

Ноколулу Н'А-А

00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:33,470

- Фотка Скотти Джареда, голого!

- Дай посмотреть!

00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:37,020

- Но на нем же свитер.

- Не-а...

00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:44,900

Так, а здесь у нас остатки

виноградной водки от Паоло

00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:48,160

Стоп, Рэйчел! Это же почти чистый...

00:13:51,950 --> 00:13:55,580

Как я могу бросить эту женщину

на день святого Валентина?

00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:59,460

Не знаю.

На Новый Год ты уже ее бросал

00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:05,510

Вот блин! В следующей жизни мне

суждено быть ершиком для унитаза

00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,010

Привет, мой смешной валентинчик!

00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,800

Привет, просто Дженис

00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,520

Привет, Джои, наша маленькая сваха

00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:19,900

Я бы тебя просто всего зацеловала!

Сейчас так и сделаю!

00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,860

Если ты ее не бросишь,

я брошу тебя

00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,330

А... а кем ты работаешь?

00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:44,250

Ну, в последние несколько лет

я работала...

00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:47,130

Ты же сказала, что они там

справятся и без тебя

00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,380

Я так и думала!

00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:51,930

...работаю с детьми, это приносит

мне большое удовлетворение

00:14:52,180 --> 00:14:55,390

Я попытаюсь освободиться и

вернуться побыстрее. Извини

00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,940

И теперь в основном я преподаю

естественные науки...

00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:04,480

...что забавно... потому что у меня

совсем другая специализация

00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,500

Да, это даже смешно!

00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:21,670

А как ты думаешь...

00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,710

Не будет неловко, если я приглашу

Кэрол пересесть к нам?

00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,340

А то она сейчас одна

00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,380

И беременна. И одинока

00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:33,010

- Ладно уж.

- Правда?

00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:35,350

Спасибо. Кэрол!

00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,140

Хочешь пересесть к нам?

00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:38,640

Да нет. Мне и здесь хорошо

00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:42,100

Да ладно, вставай. Наши соседи

подвинутся

00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:45,480

Иди к нам. Ребята, подвиньтесь, а?

00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:48,610

Давайте двигаться! Шевелитесь!

00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:52,530

- Давай к нам!

- Спасибо.

00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:56,200

Это Кристен Ригс,

а это Кэрол Виллик

00:15:56,450 --> 00:15:57,370

Кэрол. Кристен

00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,290

Приятно познакомиться

00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,580

Кэрол преподает в шестом классе

00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:05,710

А Кристен...

00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:11,380

Кристен делает что-то...

00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:14,640

...что, как ни смешно...

00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:17,930

...даже не было ее специализацией!

00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,100

Так, что у нас тут?

00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,810

Кусок шелковых мужских трусов...

00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:28,110

...какие-то открытки...

00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,780

...полусгоревшая фотография...

00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:36,070

Ого! Этот мужик еще мохнатей,

чем наш брандмейстер!

00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:41,500

Знаете, все это получилось

смешно и нелепо

00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,460

Да все в порядке. Не объясняйте

00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:48,380

Мы тушим уже не первый

ритуальный женский костер

00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,840

- Вы - наш третий выезд за сегодня.

- Правда?

00:16:52,090 --> 00:16:56,720

Конечно. Вечер святого Валентина -

самый трудный вечер года!

00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,180

Я тебе что-то принесла

00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:03,480

Оно заряжено?

00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:09,400

Ой, конфетки-валентинчики!

00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:12,440

"Чен и Джен - любовь до гроба!"

00:17:12,690 --> 00:17:16,360

Я их специально заказала

00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,740

Так, Дженис

00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:23,540

Дженис

00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:26,290

Эй, Дженис

00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,210

Мне очень трудно

говорить это тебе

00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:34,550

В общем, так же трудно,

как и раньше

00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:40,470

Но я не думаю, что у нас с тобой

что-нибудь получится

00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,390

Ну и ладно

00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:48,350

Правда?

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:53,740

Я-то знаю, что это все равно

не конец

00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,740

О нет. Видишь ли,

это именно конец

00:17:56,990 --> 00:17:59,820

Нет, не конец. Потому что ты

никогда не положишь этому конец

00:18:00,070 --> 00:18:01,530

Разве ты еще не понял?

00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:06,500

Ты любишь меня, Чендлер Бинг!

00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,250

О нет, не люблю

00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:14,260

Тогда почему, по-твоему,

мы все сходимся и сходимся?

00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,340

На Новый Год кто кого пригласил?

00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:19,470

На День Валентина кто затащил

кого в чью постель?

00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:20,600

Я, но...

00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,140

Ты меня добиваешься!

00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:27,600

Что-то глубоко у тебя внутри

трубит мне, как гудок в тумане!

00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:31,690

Дженис! Дженис!

00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,280

Ты хочешь меня! Я нужна тебе!

00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,780

Ты жить без меня не можешь!

00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:39,700

И ты сам это знаешь!

00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:45,370

Просто ты не знаешь,

что ты это знаешь

00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,880

Ну пока

00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:59,050

Созвонимся!

00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:10,060

Вот и неправда. Не называла я

твою мать росомахой

00:19:10,310 --> 00:19:14,400

Называла, клянусь.

Клянусь чем угодно...

00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,820

И долго она уже в туалете?

00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:23,320

По-моему, она не в туалете.

Ее пальто здесь нет

00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,120

Ну, может быть, там холодно

00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,170

А может, я запорол первое свое

свидание за девять лет

00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,960

- Скорей всего.

- О боже.

00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:39,170

Знаешь, она до сих пор

довольно горячая

00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:44,680

Грибочек

00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:46,810

Улыбнись

00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:51,560

Не со всеми будет так. Некоторые

досидят до конца ужина

00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:54,980

- Извини, не смешно.

- Нет, я просто...

00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:58,740

Знаешь, как говорят: "жизнь

продолжается, у тебя все впереди"?

00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:01,240

А зачем мне это?

00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:06,330

Я имею в виду... ну, сижу я здесь

с этой симпатичной девушкой...

00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,620

...ну, она такая милая и приятная,

понимаешь?

00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:11,790

Но это...

00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:13,960

Это и всё

00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:19,130

А когда я разговариваю с тобой,

мне легко и весело

00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,010

И совсем не нужно...

00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:25,390

- Я знаю.

- Ты знаешь?

00:20:27,970 --> 00:20:31,060

У меня возникла дурацкая мысль

00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:35,060

Что если нам с тобой попробовать

начать всё сначала

00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:39,110

Нет-нет, я знаю, что ты скажешь.

Что ты лесбиянка

00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:44,570

Но что если нам... пока отложить

этот факт в сторону, понимаешь?

00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:47,330

И пришпилить его булавкой, да?

00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,450

Потому что... нам же

хорошо вместе, правда?

00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,540

Ты не будешь отрицать

00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:56,170

А еще ты носишь моего ребенка

00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:59,170

Это же просто прекрасно, правда?

00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:02,470

Ты протестуешь, но ведь есть

кое-что очень важное

00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,090

Я люблю тебя

00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:15,140

Я тебя тоже люблю

00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:18,480

- Но...

- Не надо "но". Не надо.

00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:23,650

Помнишь то, что ты отложил туда

и пришпилил булавкой?

00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:29,160

Пора вынуть эту булавку

00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:38,000

Ты найдешь себе кого-то, я уверена.

Где-то тебя ждет та самая женщина

00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:42,630

Тебе легко говорить.

Ты свою уже нашла

00:21:43,590 --> 00:21:48,010

Тебе легче - тебе нужна женщина,

которая любит мужчин, вот и всё

00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,470

Не она

00:22:03,150 --> 00:22:07,660

Мы сменяемся в полночь.

Может, заехать за вами?

00:22:08,070 --> 00:22:12,240

А вы... будете

на пожарной машине?

00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,620

И даже дадим вам

позвонить в колокольчик

00:22:15,870 --> 00:22:18,790

- Тогда до встречи.

- Пока! До встречи!

00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,750

Спасибо. Пока

00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,130

Боже ж мой!

00:22:23,380 --> 00:22:25,090

Вот видишь,

жизнь налаживается

00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:27,720

- Очищение помогло.

- Ты была права!

00:22:27,970 --> 00:22:29,590

Такие симпатичные ребята!

00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,600

Такие симпатичные пожарники!

00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,350

- Ты им скажешь, что женат?

- Ни за что!

00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:39,430

Если моя подружка не знает,

зачем же говорить им!

00:22:39,980 --> 00:22:41,390

Перевод В.Бродового