Эпизод с обкуренным парнем

00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,423

- Thank you.

- Cappuccino.

00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:08,757

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

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And a nice hot cider for Monica.

00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,679

Aw, thank you.

00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,180

- Rach?

- Yeah?

00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,975

Why does my cinnamon stick

have an eraser?

00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,436

Oh.

00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,937

Oh, heh.

00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,814

That's why.

00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,983

Sorry.

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TEDLOCK:

Chandler?

00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,630

Miss Tedlock,

you're looking lovely today.

00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:33,383

May I say that is a very

flattering sleeve length on you?

00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,219

Yes.

00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:39,556

Well, Mr. Costilick would like you to stop

by his office at the end of the day.

00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,727

Oh, listen, if this is about those prank

memos, I had nothing to do with them.

00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,230

Really, nothing at all. Really.

00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:47,606

Nothing.

00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,945

Hey, you guys. You guys.

00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,948

Chandler's coming, and he says

he has this incredible news.

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So when he gets here,

let's all act like, you know...

00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,244

- Hey.

GROUP: Hey.

00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:03,038

Never mind.

But it was gonna be really good.

00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,791

ROSS: What's going on?

RACHEL: What's up?

00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,460

It's a typical day at work.

I'm inputting my numbers...

00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,462

...and Big Al calls me into his office...

00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,632

...and tells me he wants to make me

processing supervisor.

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- That is great!

- Congratulations.

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So I quit.

00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,222

BOTH:

Why?

00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,641

Why?

This was supposed to be a temp job.

00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,727

Yeah, Chandler,

you've been there for five years.

00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,312

I know, but if I took it this...

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...it'd be like admitting

that this is what I actually do.

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So was it a lot more money?

00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:34,403

Doesn't matter. I just don't want

to be one of those guys...

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...that's in his office until 12:00 at night

worrying about the WENUS.

00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,619

"The WENUS"?

00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:46,665

Weekly estimated net usage system.

It's a processing term.

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Oh, that WENUS.

00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,045

So, what are you gonna do?

00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,423

I don't know. That's the thing.

I don't know.

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I'm not gonna figure it out

working there.

00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,094

Oh! I have something you can do.

00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,513

I have this new massage client.

Steve.

00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:06,018

Anyway, um, he's opening up

a restaurant...

00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,021

...and he's looking for a head chef.

00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,983

Um, hi there.

00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,318

Hi.

00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:17,654

Oh, yeah, I know. You're a chef, I know,

and I thought of you first.

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But, um, Chandler's the one

who needs a job right now, so...

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Yeah, I just don't have a lot

of chefing experience.

00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,373

Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.

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- Yeah. Yeah.

- Well, what kind of food is he looking for?

00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,631

He wants to do something eclectic,

so he's looking for someone...

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...who can, you know,

create the entire menu.

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- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, I know.

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So, what do you think?

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Thanks, Pheeb. I just don't really

see myself in a big white hat.

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Okay.

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Oh, Monica. Guess what?

00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,909

Can you see my nipples

through this shirt?

00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,748

No, but don't worry.

I'm sure they're still there.

00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,709

Where you going, Mr. Suit-ey Man?

00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,879

Well, I have an appointment

to see Dr. Robert Pilman...

00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,673

...career counselor-a-go-go.

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I added the "a-go-go."

00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,761

Career counselor?

00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,931

Hey, you guys all know

what you want to do.

00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,808

I don't.

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Hey, you guys in the living room

all know what you want to do.

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You know, you have goals.

You have dreams.

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I don't have a dream.

00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,236

Ah, the lesser known

"I Don't Have a Dream" speech.

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Oh, I love my life. I love my life.

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Brian's Song.

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The meeting with that guy went great?

00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,874

So great. He showed me

where the restaurant's gonna be.

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It's this cute little place on 10th Street.

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It's not too big, not too small.

It's just right.

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Was it formerly owned

by a blond woman and some bears?

00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:06,013

So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him

Monday night. Kind of like an audition.

00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:09,266

And Phoebe, he really wants you

to be here, which will be great for me.

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Because you can make yummy noises.

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- What are you gonna make?

- Yummy noises.

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And, Monica, what are you gonna make?

00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,319

I don't know. I don't know.

It's just gotta be so great.

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Oh! I know what you can make. I know.

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Oh, you should make that thing,

you know, with the stuff.

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You know that thing with the stuff?

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Okay, I don't know.

00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,170

Hey, guys, anyone know a good date place

in the neighborhood?

00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:43,342

Uh, how about Tony's? If you can finish

a 32-ounce steak, it's free.

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Okay. Ahem.

00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:50,223

Hey, does anyone know a good place

if you're not dating a puma?

00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,811

- Who are you going out with?

- Oh, is this the bug lady?

00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,606

[AS BUG LADY]

I love you, Ross.

00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,526

Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady.

00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:04,112

She's curator of insects at the museum.

00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,282

So, what are you guys gonna do?

00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,619

Well, I just thought we'd go to dinner,

then bring her back to my place...

00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,330

...and I'd introduce her to my monkey.

00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,834

And he's not speaking metaphorically.

00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,340

- So back to your place?

- Uh-huh.

00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,509

You thinking maybe, heh-heh?

00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:30,180

Ahem, well, I don't know, heh-heh.

00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,766

I'm hoping heh-heh.

00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,144

I'm telling you,

that monkey's a chick magnet.

00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:40,857

She's gonna one look at his furry, cute

little face and it'll seal the deal.

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- Aah!

ROSS: Celia, don't worry.

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Celia, he's not gonna hurt you.

Soothing tones, Celia, soothing tones.

00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,825

- Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Aah!

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- Here, here. Marcel? Marcel?

- I can't stand this.

00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:57,374

- He's got his claws on my...

- Yeah, all right.

00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,884

Okay, try this salmon mousse.

00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,762

- Mm. Good.

MONICA: Yeah?

00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,390

Is it better than

the other salmon mousse?

00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,684

It's creamier.

00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,019

Yeah? Well, is that better?

00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,606

I don't know.

We're talking about whipped fish, Monica.

00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,818

I'm just happy I'm keeping it down,

you know?

00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,617

God, what happened to you?

00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,704

Eight and a half hours

of aptitude tests...

00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:40,333

...intelligence tests, personality tests,

and what do I learn?

00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:43,170

"You're ideally suited for a career

in data processing...

00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:45,714

...for a large multi-national corporation."

00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,385

That's so great, because you

already know how to do that.

00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,804

Can you believe it?

00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,475

Don't I seem like somebody who should

be doing something really cool?

00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:00,479

You know, I just always

pictured myself doing something...

00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,147

Something.

00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,400

Oh, Chandler, I know, I know.

00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:09,154

Oh, hey, you can see your nipples

through this shirt.

00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:11,948

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,577

Here you go.

Maybe this will cheer you up.

00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,247

Ooh, you know, um,

I had a grape about five hours ago...

00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,832

...so I better split this with you.

00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,920

It's supposed to be that small.

It's a pre-appetizer.

00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,173

The French call it an amuse-bouche.

00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,762

Well, it is amusing.

00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,057

[PHONE RINGS]

00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,188

Hello? Oh, hi, Wendy.

00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,190

Yeah, 8:00.

00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,192

What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?

00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:49,861

Okay, great.

00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,155

All right, I'll see you then. Bye.

00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,907

Ten dollars an hour for what?

00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,618

I asked a waitress at work

to help me out.

00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,662

Waitressing?

00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,288

Uh-oh.

00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:04,751

Ha, ha. Of course I thought of you.

00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,336

But...

00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,505

- But...

- But, but?

00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:14,970

But, you see, it's just this night

has to go just perfect, you know...

00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:19,349

...and, well, Wendy's more

of a professional waitress.

00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,351

Oh.

00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,396

I see. Yes. And I've sort of been

maintaining my amateur status...

00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,565

...so that I can waitress in the Olympics.

00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:34,823

You know, I don't mean to brag,

but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76.

00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:40,870

Amuse-bouche?

00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,556

Talk to me.

00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,687

Okay, uh, ahem, a weird thing happened

to me on the train this morning...

00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,608

No, no, no. Talk dirty.

00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,239

- Wow. Here?

- Come on.

00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,866

Come on.

00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,701

Say something...

00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,286

...hot.

00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,581

- What?

- Uh...

00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,083

- What?

- Ooh.

00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,669

- What?

- Um...

00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,129

What?

00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,131

- What?

- Vulva.

00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,389

"Vulva"?

00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:45,810

All right, I panicked, all right?

00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,729

She took me by surprise.

00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,858

You know, but it wasn't a total loss.

I mean, uh, we ended up cuddling.

00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,903

Whoa, you cuddled? How many times?

00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,531

Shut up. It was nice. I just...

00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,785

I just don't think I'm the dirty-talking

kind of guy, you know?

00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:04,537

What's the big deal?

Just say what you want to do to her.

00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,748

Or what you want her to do to you.

00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,959

Or what you think other people

might be doing to each other.

00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,755

Look, I tell you what.

Try something on me.

00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,884

Please be kidding.

00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:21,763

Why not? Come on.

00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,642

Just close your eyes and tell me

what you'd like to be doing right now.

00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,774

Okay, I'm, uh...

00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:35,443

I'm in my apartment...

00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:36,945

Yeah, what else?

00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,906

That's it. You're not there.

We're not having this conversation.

00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,492

- All right. Look, I'll start, okay?

- Joey, please.

00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,078

Come on, come on.

All right, ready? Look.

00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,205

Oh, Ross.

00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:53,253

You get me so hot,

I want your lips on me now.

00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:55,422

See?

00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,720

- All right, now you say something.

- I, uh... I really don't think so.

00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,263

Come on.

00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,889

- You like this woman, right?

- Yeah.

00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,599

- You wanna see her again, right?

- Sure.

00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,894

Well, if you can't talk dirty to me,

how are you gonna talk dirty to her?

00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,439

Now tell me you want to caress my butt.

00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,571

Okay, turn around.

00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,907

I just don't want you staring at me

when I'm doing this.

00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,869

All right, all right.

I'm not looking. Go ahead.

00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,370

Okay.

00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,624

Ahem, I want, um...

00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,918

Okay, I want...

00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,336

...to feel...

00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,548

...your hot, soft skin with my lips.

00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,717

There you go.

00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:43,344

Keep going, keep going.

00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,346

I, uh...

00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,727

I want to take my tongue and...

00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,903

And...

00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,696

Say it.

00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,284

Say it!

00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,496

Run it all over your body...

00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,250

...until you're trembling with...

00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,396

With?

00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,567

- Funny story.

- You're not gonna believe this.

00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,152

It's okay. It's okay.

00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,697

I was always rooting for you

two kids to get together.

00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,577

Hey, while you were sleeping,

that guy from your old job called again.

00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,787

Oh. Again?

00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,540

- And again and again and again.

- And again.

00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,375

[PHONE RINGS]

00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,046

Hello? Heh. And again.

00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,297

Ah.

00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:05,218

Hey, Mr. Costilick.

How's life on the 15th floor?

00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,096

Yeah, I miss you too.

00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:12,392

Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens

from your own home, you know?

00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,562

Well, that's very generous.

00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,189

Uh, but look, this isn't about the money.

00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,400

You know? I need something

that's more than a job.

00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,111

I need something I really care about...

00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,489

And that's on top of the year-end

bonus structure you mentioned earlier?

00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:27,991

BOTH:

Your dream.

00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:31,452

Look, Al.

Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay?

00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,831

This is not a negotiation.

This is a rejection.

00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,833

No... No, no. No, no.

00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,585

No, stop saying numbers!

00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:42,297

I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy!

You got the wrong guy!

00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,965

I'll see you Monday!

00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,970

Ah.

00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,604

Huh?

00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:00,106

Wow. It's huge.

00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,650

It's so much bigger than the cubicle.

00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,945

Oh, this is a cube.

00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,780

Look at this.

00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:10,909

[GASPS]

00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,661

You have a window!

00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:15,830

Yes, indeedy.

00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:20,335

- With a beautiful view of...

- Oh, look. That guy's peeing.

00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:24,923

Okay. That's enough of the view.

All right, check this out.

00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,675

- Ahem. Okay, sit down here. Sit down.

- Okay.

00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,969

Okay, this is great. This is great.

00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:32,430

- Ahem. You ready?

- Yeah.

00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,350

Helen, could you come in here

for a moment?

00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,315

Thank you, Helen, that'll be all.

00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,819

Last time I do that. I promise.

00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,202

Wendy, we had a deal.

00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,496

Yeah, you promised.

00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,290

Wendy. Wendy. Wendy!

00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,750

[GROANS]

00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:05,213

Hmm, who was that?

00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,218

Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.

00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,638

That's too bad.

00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,974

Bye-bye.

00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,559

- Ten dollars an hour.

- Nope.

00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,061

Twelve dollars an hour.

00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,856

Mon, I wish I could,

but I've made plans to walk around.

00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,319

You know, Rachel, when you ran out

on your wedding, I was there for you.

00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:32,407

I put a roof over your head,

and if that means nothing to you...

00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,034

Twenty dollars an hour.

00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,662

Done.

00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,170

- Well, hello. Welcome to Monica's.

- Hello.

00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,964

May I take your coat?

00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,469

- Hi, Steve.

- Hello, Monica.

00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,014

Hello, greeter girl.

00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:59,100

- This is Rachel.

- Yeah, okay.

00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:03,271

Mm, everything smells so delicious.

00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:07,775

You know, I can't remember a time

I smelled such a delicious combination of...

00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,485

Okay, smells.

00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,280

Well, it's a lovely apartment.

00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,074

Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?

00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,077

I was just being polite, but all right.

00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,331

What? What's up?

00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:26,711

In the cab on the way over,

Steve blazed up a doobie.

00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,464

What?

00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,216

Smoked a joint, you know?

Lit a bone. Weed, hemp, ganja.

00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,718

Okay, okay, okay.

00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,097

Okay, I'm with you, Cheech. Okay.

00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,517

Is it dry in here?

00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,814

Let me get you some wine.

00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,650

Yeah, I think we're ready

for our first course too.

00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,652

Okay...

00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,031

These are rock shrimp ravioli...

00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,366

...in a cilantro ponzu sauce...

- Oh.

00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,911

...with just a touch of minced...

00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,417

...ginger.

00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,670

Well, smack my ass and call me Judy.

00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,009

These are fantastic.

00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,804

Oh, gosh. I'm so glad you liked them.

00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,264

Like them?

I could eat a hundred of them.

00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,392

Oh. Well, um...

00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,686

That's all there is of these...

00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:29,273

...but in about eight and a half minutes,

we'll be serving some delicious tartlets.

00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,442

"Tartlets"? Heh.

00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:35,905

"Tartlets."

00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:39,784

Word has lost all meaning.

00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:49,085

Excuse me.

Can I help you with anything?

00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,671

You know, I don't know

what I'm looking for.

00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:09,730

Oh, cool. Taco shells.

00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:15,862

You know, these are... They are like a little

corn envelope, you know?

00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:18,656

You know what?

You don't want to spoil your appetite.

00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,159

Hey. Sugar-O's.

00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:24,120

You know, if you just wait

another six and a half minutes...

00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,998

Oh. Macaroni and cheese.

We gotta make this.

00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,963

No, we don't.

00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,257

Oh, okay.

00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,593

Oh, sorry.

00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,057

Yeah, why don't you

just have a seat here?

00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,228

Okay.

00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:52,106

Okay. Give me the Gummy Bears.

00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:54,567

Yeah, I... No.

00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,863

- Give them to me.

- All right, we'll share.

00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,532

- No. Give me the bears.

- Well, then you can't have any.

00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,409

- Give them to me.

- This is not worth it.

00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:07,997

Oh, oh! Bears overboard.

They're drowning.

00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:12,585

Hey, fellas. Grab onto a Sugar-O.

Save yourselves.

00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:17,798

Help! Help! I'm drowning. Help! Help!

00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,592

That's it, okay? Dinner is over.

00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,927

- What?

- "What"?

00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,511

- Why?

MONICA: "Why"?

00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:25,097

I've waited seven years

for an opportunity like this...

00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,559

...and you can't even wait four and a half

minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?

00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,936

[OVEN TIMER DINGS]

00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:31,520

Hey...

00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:40,947

What a tool.

00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,325

You don't want to work

for a guy like that.

00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:48,621

I know. It's just... I don't know,

I just thought that this was, you know, "it."

00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:50,748

Look, you'll get there.

You're an amazing chef.

00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,709

Yeah, you know all those yummy noises?

I wasn't faking.

00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:58,547

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,387

So, uh, how did it go with Celia?

00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:07,848

Oh, uh, I was unbelievable.

00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,976

All right, Ross.

00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:13,187

I was the James Michener of dirty talk.

00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,856

It was the most elaborate filth

you have ever heard.

00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:19,527

I mean, there were characters,

plot lines...

00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,320

...themes, a motif.

00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,240

At one point, there were villagers.

00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,660

Oh, and, uh...

00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:32,123

Well, um, you know, by the time

we finished with all the dirty talk...

00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,875

...it was kind of late

and we were both exhausted, so...

00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:37,670

- You cuddled.

- Yeah, which was nice.

00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,840

Do you guys want to try to catch

a late movie or something?

00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,134

Maybe, but shouldn't we wait

for Chandler?

00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,678

Whoa. Where the hell is he?

00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,180

Yes, Fran, I know what time it is...

00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:51,475

...but I'm looking at the WENUS

and I'm not happy.

00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,854

Oh, really?

Well, let me tell you something.

00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:59,608

You will care about it because

I care about it. Got it? Good!

00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:04,113

Whoa.

00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:17,084

- How's this?

- Eek!

00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:19,462

- Sorry. How about over here?

- Oh!

00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:21,589

See, now, that just means it's working.

00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,924

- Does this hurt?

- No.

00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,594

- How about this?

- Aah!

00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,970

There you go.

00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:29,597

[CONTINUES YELLING]

00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,354

Oh, I'm gonna throw up.

00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,272

[CONTINUES YELLING]

00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:43,944

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:08,630

- Спасибо.

- Капучино. - Грацие!

00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,880

И вкусный горячий сидр

для Моники

00:00:12,130 --> 00:00:13,760

Спасибо

00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:15,180

Рэйч?

00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:19,470

Почему на моей коричной палочке

резинка?

00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:24,310

А вот почему

00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,480

Извини

00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:32,740

1-й сезон, 15-я серия

"Обкуренный"

00:01:24,830 --> 00:01:27,000

Чендлер?

00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:29,590

Мисс Тедлок, сегодня

вы очаровательны

00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:34,880

Смею сказать, эта длина рукава

очень вас стройнит

00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:40,010

Ну... М-р Костилик хочет вас

видеть у себя в конце дня

00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:43,980

Если это насчет тех шуточных

служебных записок...

00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,400

...то это не я. Я ни при чем.

Абсолютно

00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:48,980

Совершенно

00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,820

Эй, ребята! Ребята!

00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:55,860

Сюда идет Чендлер, и у него

какая-то большая новость

00:01:56,110 --> 00:02:00,030

Так что когда придет,

разыгрывайте, ну...

00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,790

Ну, неважно. Но будет круто

00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,460

Ну, что такое?

00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,380

Итак, обычный день на работе.

Сижу себе, ввожу цифры...

00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:13,550

...и тут наш главный вызывает меня

и предлагает мне должность завотдела

00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,880

- Отлично!

- Поздравляем!

00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:17,260

В итоге...

00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:18,590

...я уволился

00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,180

Почему?

00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:22,560

Почему? Это была временная работа

00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,640

Чендлер, ты на ней пять лет

00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:30,060

Но если я останусь, я признаю,

что это мое призвание

00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:31,520

А прибавка к зарплате большая?

00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:35,820

Неважно. Я не хочу быть из тех,

кому приходится до ночи...

00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:39,240

...заниматься Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ

у себя в кабинете

00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,700

Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ?

00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:47,120

Еженедельное потребление ресурсов

сотрудниками. Термин такой

00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,750

А, такое Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ

00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:51,880

И что ты будешь делать?

00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,210

Я не знаю. В том-то и дело,

что не знаю

00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,590

Но работая там, я так и не узнаю

00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,050

У меня есть для тебя кое-что!

00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,970

У меня новый клиент

на массаж, его зовут Стив

00:03:03,220 --> 00:03:05,890

В общем, он открывает ресторан...

00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:10,100

...и ищет туда шеф-повара

00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,980

Аллё!

00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,900

Ну да, я знаю, что ты повар,

и я сперва подумала о тебе

00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:22,620

Но сейчас работа нужна

Чендлеру, так что...

00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,250

У меня не очень много

поварского опыта

00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,830

Если там подают не только тосты

00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:32,420

Какую кухню он хочет готовить?

00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,500

Он хочет нечто эклектическое.

Поэтому он ищет кого-нибудь...

00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,760

...кто смог бы сформировать меню

00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,680

- Боже мой!

- Ага, именно!

00:03:39,930 --> 00:03:43,140

Так что скажешь?

00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:47,980

Спасибо, Фибс. Как-то не вижу себя

в белом колпаке

00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:52,770

Ой, Моника! Знаешь что?

00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:05,330

Через эту рубашку видны

мои соски?

00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:11,210

Нет... но не волнуйся.

Уверена, они на месте

00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,630

А куда это ты, такой весь из себя?

00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:19,130

К доктору Пилману, "Консультация-

профориентация", ламца-дрица!

00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,380

Ламца-дрица добавил я

00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,680

Профориентация?

00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,800

Вы, ребята, все знаете,

что вы хотите делать

00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:27,770

Я - нет

00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:31,640

Вы, ребята в гостиной, все знаете,

что вы хотите делать

00:04:31,890 --> 00:04:34,270

У вас есть цели и мечты

00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:35,560

А у меня нет!

00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:40,610

Классная вступительная речь

к тренингу безуспешности

00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,610

Обожаю свою жизнь! Обожаю!

00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:46,870

"Песня Брайана"!

00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:49,750

Встреча с тем мужиком удалась?

00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,790

Очень! Он показал мне

место будущего ресторана

00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,000

Уютное местечко на 10-й

00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:58,000

Не большое и не маленькое -

в самый раз

00:04:58,250 --> 00:05:02,170

Это не оттуда медведи шуганули

одну блондиночку?

00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:05,930

И вот я готовлю ему ужин

в понедельник. Типа пробы

00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:09,180

Фиби, он хочет, чтобы ты пришла.

Это хорошо и для меня

00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,850

Будешь делать звуки "ням-ням"

00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,690

- А что будешь подавать?

- Сигналы "ням-ням".

00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,520

А ты, Моника, что будешь подавать?

00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:20,230

Не знаю. Но что-то очень вкусное

00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,740

Я знаю, что! Я знаю!

00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:27,280

Приготовь ту штуку с этими

штучками...

00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:28,450

Ну ты знаешь...

00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:32,290

...ту штуку с этими штучками?

00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,290

Ладно, не знаю

00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,710

Кто подскажет, ребята, куда

у нас можно пойти с девушкой?

00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:44,800

"У Тони"! Если доешь бифштекс

весом 1 кг, денег не берут

00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:51,600

Кто подскажет, куда пойти

с девушкой, а не с пумой?

00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:55,480

- С кем это?

- С той девчонкой с мухами?

00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:59,110

Ж-ж, я люблю тебя, Росс

00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,400

Ее зовут Селия. И она не с мухами

00:06:01,650 --> 00:06:05,530

Она куратор отдела насекомых

в музее

00:06:05,650 --> 00:06:07,030

Что же вы собираетесь делать?

00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,620

Сперва пойдем поужинаем,

потом придем ко мне...

00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:14,870

...и я познакомлю ее

со своим другом

00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:19,250

С четвероногим -

не подумайте плохого!

00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:26,380

Значит, к тебе, да?

Думаешь, сложится хм-хм...

00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,600

Ну, я не знаю насчет хм-хм...

00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:33,600

Но я надеюсь хм-хм...

00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:36,060

Говорю тебе, та обезьяна

просто притягивает девчонок

00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:42,320

Она посмотрит на ее славную

мохнатую мордочку - и готово

00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:45,690

Селия, не волнуйся. И не кричи.

Он тебя не тронет!

00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:49,280

Успокаивающим тоном, Селия

00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:52,030

Вот, вот. Марсель, хочешь банан?

00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,830

Я этого не переживу

00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,660

Его когти у меня...

00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:58,830

Ну вот и все

00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,510

Так. Попробуй лососевый мусс

00:07:09,890 --> 00:07:10,680

Вкусно

00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,890

А лучше, чем другой

лососевый мусс?

00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,520

Жирнее

00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:17,940

Ну? Это лучше?

00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:22,230

Не знаю. Это же взбитая рыба,

Моника

00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,490

Я рад, что хотя бы не вырвал

00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,530

Боже, что с тобой?

00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:35,700

Восемь с половиной часов

тестов наклонностей...

00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:40,670

...тестов интеллекта, тестов

личных качеств, и что я узнал?

00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:46,710

"Идеальный статистик для большой

транснациональной корпорации."

00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,720

Отлично, ты уже умеешь это делать!

00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,720

Можете в это поверить?

00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:56,390

Я что, из тех, кто неспособен

делать что-нибудь классное?

00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,600

Знаете, я всегда представлял,

как я делаю что-то...

00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:02,060

Такое!

00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:05,690

Чендлер, я знаю, я знаю

00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:10,570

Ой! А через эту рубашку

таки видны твои соски!

00:08:13,370 --> 00:08:16,240

Держи. Может, это тебя

подбодрит

00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:21,920

Знаешь, часов пять назад я съел

виноградину, так что давай пополам

00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:24,920

Оно и должно быть маленькое.

Это аперитив

00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:29,590

По-французски - "амуз-буш"

00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:34,850

Да, гл-амуз-ненько

00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,150

Привет, Венди

00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,440

Да, в 8:00

00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:48,360

Как договорились, $10 в час?

00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:49,820

Вот и хорошо

00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:52,070

Тогда до встречи. Пока

00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:53,820

10 долларов в час за что?

00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:56,910

Я попросила официантку

с работы помочь мне

00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,870

Официантку?

00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,710

Я, конечно, подумала о тебе

00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,250

Но...

00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,420

Но...

00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:10,010

Но-но?

00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:15,050

Но, понимаешь, в этот раз

все должно быть идеально...

00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:20,810

...а Венди, видишь ли, она -

профессиональная официантка

00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:28,020

А я, значит, поддерживаю любительский

статус, чтобы взяли на Олимпиаду

00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:36,280

Не хочу хвастать, но я подавал

на Олимпиаде в Инсбруке в 76-м

00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:42,000

"Амуз-буш"?

00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:00,970

Давай говорить

00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:07,480

Утром со мной в метро

случилось кое-что...

00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:11,070

Нет. Давай говорить грязно

00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:16,450

- Прямо здесь?

- Да.

00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,740

Ну давай

00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:19,660

Скажи что-нибудь...

00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,580

...сексуальное!

00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,410

Что?

00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,300

Вульва

00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:43,100

"Вульва"?

00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,940

Ну запаниковал я, понятно?

00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:47,900

Она застала меня врасплох

00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:52,020

Но еще не все потеряно.

Мы немного позажимались

00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:56,320

Ура, позажимались? Сколько раз?

00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:58,700

Да ну тебя. Было хорошо

00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,950

Просто я не из тех, кто может

сказать что-нибудь в этом роде

00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,540

Большое дело! Просто скажи,

как ты ее сейчас...

00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,910

Или как ты хочешь,

чтобы она тебя...

00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,540

Или как другие люди -

друг друга

00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:15,420

Знаешь что, давай

попробуй на мне

00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:19,550

Хоть бы это была шутка

00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,800

Почему нет? Давай

00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:27,350

Закрой глаза и скажи, чего бы

ты хотел прямо сейчас

00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,990

Так, я в своей квартире...

00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,110

Что дальше?

00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,360

Тебя нет у меня в квартире,

и мы не разговариваем!

00:11:40,610 --> 00:11:42,490

- Давай начну я.

- Джои, прошу тебя...

00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:45,410

Давай, давай.

Ну что, готов?

00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:48,500

О, Росс...

00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:53,750

...я вся горю, я хочу

ощутить твои губы везде

00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:56,550

Понял?

00:11:58,670 --> 00:11:59,930

Теперь ты говори

00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,890

Нет, правда, лучше не надо

00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,430

Да ну!

00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,100

Она тебе нравится, да?

00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,680

- Ты хочешь ее видеть, да?

- Ну да.

00:12:06,930 --> 00:12:09,890

Если не можешь сказать мне,

как ты скажешь ей?

00:12:10,140 --> 00:12:14,150

Сейчас же скажи, что хочешь

схватить меня за жопу!

00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:20,450

Ладно, отвернись

00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,070

Не хочу, чтобы в процессе

ты на меня пялился

00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,990

Ну хорошо, я не смотрю. Давай

00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,830

Ладно

00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:31,580

Я хочу...

00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,960

Так, я хочу...

00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:35,420

...ощутить...

00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:38,760

...твою горячую мягкую кожу

своими губами

00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,300

Вот видишь!

00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:44,640

Продолжай, продолжай

00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,940

Я хочу... высунуть язык и...

00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,950

Говори

00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:07,030

Говори!

00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,000

Облизать тебя с ног до головы...

00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:16,170

...чтобы ты задрожала от...

00:13:33,890 --> 00:13:36,560

От?..

00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,730

- Тут такое дело...

- Понимаешь...

00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,240

Да все нормально

00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:46,160

Мне всегда хотелось,

чтобы у вас двоих сложилось

00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:49,740

Чендлер, пока ты спал, звонил

тот мужик с твоей работы

00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:51,040

Снова?

00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:55,750

И снова, и потом опять

00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,460

И опять!

00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:06,300

Да, м-р Костилик.

Как там жизнь на 15-м этаже?

00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,180

Да, я тоже скучаю

00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:13,680

Красть карандаши из дому

совсем не так интересно

00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,980

Это очень щедро

00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,440

Но послушайте,

дело не только в деньгах

00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:23,360

Мне нужна больше чем работа.

Мне нужно настоящее призвание...

00:14:23,610 --> 00:14:26,570

И это в дополнение к тем

предыдущим бонусам?

00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:28,120

А твоя мечта? Мечта!

00:14:28,370 --> 00:14:31,790

Слушайте, Эл. Я не ломаюсь!

00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:36,460

Это не переговоры, это отказ!

00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,710

Нет, хватит уже о деньгах!

00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,420

Говорю вам, я не тот человек!

Не тот я человек!

00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:45,670

До встречи в понедельник!

00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:00,310

Ого, какой огромный!

00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,650

Гораздо больше того закутка

00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,200

Это целый закут!

00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:09,070

Смотри сюда

00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:14,450

У тебя есть окно!

00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,000

Да уж, где уж

00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:21,670

- И прекрасный вид на...

- Смотри! Там мужик ссыт!

00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,630

Ну все, хватит видов. Зацени

00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,630

Садись, садись

00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,510

Это класс, тебе понравится

00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,100

Готова?

00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:37,020

Хелен, зайдите, пожалуйста,

на минутку!

00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:43,980

Спасибо, Хелен, это все

00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,490

Это последний раз, клянусь

00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:54,370

Венди, мы же договорились

00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,210

Да, ты обещала.

Венди, Венди!

00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:06,550

Кто это был?

00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:08,470

Венди отказалась

00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,930

У меня нет официантки

00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,350

Ой, как плохо

00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,930

Пока

00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:18,890

- 10 долларов в час!

- Не-а.

00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:20,480

12 долларов в час!

00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:25,150

Мон, я бы с радостью, но уже

собралась гулять

00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,490

Рэйчел, когда ты сбежала

со свадьбы, я тебя поддержала

00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:33,160

Дала тебе крышу над головой,

и если это для тебя пустой звук...

00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:36,130

20 долларов в час

00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,880

Договорились

00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:49,470

Здравствуйте! Добро пожаловать

к Монике! Можно ваш плащ?

00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,440

- Привет, Стив.

- Привет, Моника.

00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:56,230

Привет, приветливая девушка

00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,070

- Это Рэйчел.

- Ну и ладно.

00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:03,150

Ой, все так вкусно пахнет

00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,700

Давно не нюхала такого вкусного

сочетания разных...

00:17:07,950 --> 00:17:10,700

Запахов

00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:12,830

Красивая квартира

00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,080

Спасибо. Показать вам ее?

00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:19,550

Я из вежливости, ну да ладно

00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:22,300

В чем дело?

00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:27,850

По дороге сюда

Стив потянул косяк

00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:29,390

Чего?

00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:34,520

- Курнул травы! Дури, ганджубаса!

- Я поняла, поняла!

00:17:35,350 --> 00:17:38,940

Ладно, держись, маруха

00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:42,820

Что-то меня здесь сушит

00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:46,820

Давайте я вам вина налью

00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:51,120

И кстати, пора подавать

первое блюдо

00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,910

Это равиоли с креветками...

00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,330

...в соусе "чилантро понзу"...

00:17:57,580 --> 00:18:01,420

...с капелькой мелкого...

00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:07,010

...имбиря

00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:11,140

Просто усраться и не жить!

00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,930

Капец, как вкусно!

00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,770

Слава богу, вам понравилось

00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:21,730

Понравилось? Да я бы таких

сотню сожрал!

00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,700

Ну, таких больше нет...

00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:29,570

...но примерно через 8,5 минут

мы подадим луковые тарталетки

00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:31,450

Тарталетки?

00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,950

Тарталетки

00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,210

Тарталетки

00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:41,210

Слова утратили всякий смысл

00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:48,930

Извините, что вам подать?

00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:53,140

Знаете... я не знаю, что я ищу

00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:11,160

О! Класс! Лепешки для тако!

00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:15,790

Правда, похожи на

конвертики для кукурузы?

00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,370

Нет, не надо портить аппетит

00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:20,960

Ура, сахарные колечки!

00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:24,590

Если вы подождете 6,5 минут...

00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,470

Макароны с сыром!

Давайте их приготовим!

00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:35,470

- Нет, не давайте.

- Ладно...

00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:39,730

Ой, извините

00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:46,530

Может, пока присядете?

00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,570

- Отдайте мне "Мишек Гамми"

- Нет.

00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:57,620

Отдайте их мне

00:19:57,870 --> 00:19:58,790

Поделимся

00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,330

- Нет. Отдайте мишек.

- Вам их нельзя.

00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:02,500

Отдайте мне!

00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:04,880

Не надо!

00:20:05,130 --> 00:20:08,510

Мишки за бортом! Они тонут!

00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,260

Эй, пацаны! Хватайте колечки!

Спасайтесь!

00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:17,600

"На помощь! Я тону! Помогите!"

00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:19,520

Ну все! Ужин окончен!

00:20:19,770 --> 00:20:20,690

- Что?

- Что "что"?

00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:22,440

- Почему?

- Что "почему"?

00:20:22,690 --> 00:20:24,900

Я семь лет ждала такого шанса...

00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:29,940

...а вы не можете минуту

подождать паршивых тарталеток?

00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:41,960

Ну и конченый

00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,250

Не надо тебе работать у такого

00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:48,670

Знаю. Но я было подумала,

что это уже "оно"

00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,880

У тебя все будет. Ты чудо-повар

00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:55,180

Слышала звуки "ням-ням"?

Я не притворялась

00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:05,480

Ну, как всё прошло с Селией?

00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,770

Я был неподражаем

00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:09,940

Молодец, Росс!

00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:13,030

Это был самый пафосный

секс-монолог в истории

00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,660

Я развернул эпическую

картину происходящего

00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:19,450

Там были персонажи,

сюжетные ходы...

00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:21,200

...темы, лейтмотив

00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:25,670

Не обошлось без реальных

исторических личностей

00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,460

Ну и... хм-хм?

00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,010

Ну, к моменту окончания

всех этих секс-разговоров...

00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:34,800

...было уже поздно,

мы немного устали...

00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:37,890

- И вы позажимались.

- Да, и было приятно.

00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:41,220

Ребята, хотите в кино

на вечерний сеанс?

00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:43,600

Может, подождем Чендлера?

00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,900

Опа! А он где пропадает?

00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:48,110

Да, Фрэн, я знаю, который час...

00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,490

...но у меня не складывается

Е-Пэ-Рэ-Сэ-Тэ!

00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:54,650

Да ну? Знаете что!

00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:01,040

Мне не все равно, и вам будет

не все равно. Поняли? Хорошо!

00:22:15,380 --> 00:22:17,090

А как здесь?

00:22:17,340 --> 00:22:19,600

Извините. А здесь?

00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:21,640

Это значит, лечение действует

00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,140

- А тут больно?

- Нет.

00:22:24,390 --> 00:22:26,600

А так больно?

00:22:26,850 --> 00:22:29,770

Вот и хорошо!

00:22:35,490 --> 00:22:38,030

Меня сейчас вырвет!

00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:40,780

Перевод В.Бродового