Эпизод с двумя частями, часть 1

00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:14,221

If this was a cartoon, you'd be

looking like a ham right about now.

00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,348

There's the waitress.

Excuse me, miss.

00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:19,018

JOEY: Hello, miss?

- It's Phoebe.

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CHANDLER: Hi.

- Hi.

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Okay, will that be all?

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Wait, wait.

What are you doing here?

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Yeah, um, I was over there...

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...then you said, "Excuse me, miss."

So now I'm here.

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No, no. How come you're working here?

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Right. Because it's close to where I live,

and the aprons are really cute.

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Can we start over?

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- Yeah. Okay, great. I'll be over here.

- No, no, no, no.

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I don't know whether he's testing me

or just acting out...

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...but my monkey is out of control.

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He keeps erasing

the messages on my machine.

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Supposedly by accident.

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Oh, yeah, I've done that.

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And three days in a row, he got

to the newspaper before I did...

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...and peed all over the crossword.

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I've never done that.

00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:04,998

Now tell me she doesn't look

exactly like her sister.

00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,626

I'm saying I see a difference.

00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,044

They're twins.

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I don't care.

Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.

00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:17,177

You know that thing

when we talk about things?

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- Let's not do that anymore.

- Okay.

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ROSS: Hey, guys.

ALL: Hey.

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Hey, Pheebs.

Guess who we saw today.

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Ooh. Oh, fun. Okay.

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- Um, Liam Neeson.

- No.

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- Morley Safer.

JOEY: Nope.

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- The woman who cuts my hair.

JOEY: No.

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Look, this could be a really long game.

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Your sister, Ursula.

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- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

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She works at that place, uh...

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Riff's. Yeah, I know.

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Oh, you do? She said you guys

haven't talked in years.

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Hmm? Yeah.

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So, um, is she fat?

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Not from where I was standing.

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Where were you standing?

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Uh, Pheebs, so you guys

just don't get along?

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It's mostly just dumb

sister stuff, you know?

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Everyone always thought of her

as the pretty one.

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Oh. Oh. She was the first to walk...

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...even though I did it

later that same day.

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To my parents, by then it was,

"Yeah, what else is new?"

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ROSS:

Oh.

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Pheebs, I'm sorry. I've gotta go.

I've got Lamaze class.

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Oh, and I've got earth science,

but I'll catch you in gym?

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So is this just gonna be you and Carol?

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No. Susan will be there too.

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We've got dads. We've got lesbians.

The whole parenting team.

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Well, isn't that gonna be weird?

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No. It might have been at first...

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...but now I'm comfortable

with the situation.

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- Ross, that's my jacket.

- I know.

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Hi. We're the Rostens.

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I'm J.C. And he's Michael.

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And we're having a boy and a girl.

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Good for you.

Alrighty, next?

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Hi. Um, I'm, uh... Ahem.

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I'm Ross Geller.

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And, uh, that's my boy in there.

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And, uh, this is Carol Willick,

and this is Susan Bunch.

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Susan is, um, Carol's...

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[MUMBLES]

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Who's next?

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I'm sorry, Susan is?

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- Susan is Carol's friend.

- Life partner.

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Like buddies.

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Like lovers.

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You know how close women can get.

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- Susan and I live together.

- I was married to her.

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- Carol. Not me.

- It's a little complicated.

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- But we're fine.

- Absolutely.

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So, twins. Ha.

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That's like two births.

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Ouch.

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[INTERCOM BUZZES]

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[MIMICS INTERCOM BUZZING]

- To you too, Helen.

00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,939

HELEN [OVER INTERCOM]:

Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.

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Oh. Okay, send her in.

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Hi.

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- Hi, Nina. Come on in.

- You wanted to see me?

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Uh, yes.

Uh, I was just going over your data.

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You've been postdating

your Friday numbers.

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Which is bad, because?

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- Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.

- Ha, ha.

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Excuse me?

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WENUS. Ahem.

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- Weekly Estimated...

- Oh, Net Usage Statistics.

00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,718

Right. Gotcha, gotcha.

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Won't happen again. I wouldn't

want to do anything to hurt your...

00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,182

...WENUS.

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It's not just that she's cute, okay?

It's just that...

00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,573

...she's really, really cute.

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It doesn't matter. You don't dip

your pen in the company ink.

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Ross.

00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,834

Your little creature's

got the remote again.

00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,671

Marcel. Marcel, give Rossy the remote.

00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,174

Marcel.

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Marcel, you give Rossy

the remote right now.

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You give Rossy the remote...

00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,726

[CHARACTERS SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,437

- Great.

- Relax. I'll fix it.

00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:44,736

Oh, cool. Urkel in Spanish is Urkel.

00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,907

How did he do this?

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So tell me,

is leaving the Christmas lights up...

00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,996

...part of your plan to keep us merry

all year long?

00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:58,417

No, someone was supposed to take

them down around New Year's...

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...but obviously someone forgot.

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Well, someone was supposed to write:

00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:07,467

"Rach, take down the lights,"

and put it on the refrigera...

00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,638

How long has that been there?

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Hey, where you been?

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I went back to Riff's. I think Ursula

likes me. All I ordered was coffee.

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She brought me a tuna melt

and four plates of curly fries.

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Score.

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She is so hot.

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Listen, okay, before you do

anything Joey-like...

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...you might want to run it by, uh...

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- Yeah?

- Yeah.

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- Pheebs?

- Yeah?

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Would it be okay

if I asked out your sister?

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Why? Why would you

want to do that? Why?

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So that if we went out on a date,

she'd be there.

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Well, I mean, I'm not

my sister's, you know...

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...whatever. And, um...

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I mean, it's true,

we were one egg once.

00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:08,778

But, you know,

we've grown apart, so, um...

00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,739

I don't know. Why not?

00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,365

Cool. Thanks.

00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,245

You okay?

00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,997

Yeah, I'm fine.

00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,791

Do you wanna watch

Laverne y Shirley?

00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,294

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

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Sorry.

00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,310

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,812

Sorry I'm late.

Uh, where's Carol?

00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:46,233

Stuck at school.

Some parent-teacher thing.

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You can go.

I'll get the information.

00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:54,533

No, no, ahem, I think I should stay.

We should both know what's going on.

00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:55,951

Oh, good.

00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,619

This will be fun.

00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:02,332

Alrighty. We're gonna start with some basic

third-stage breathing exercises.

00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,292

Mommies, get on your back.

00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:08,421

And, coaches, you should be

supporting Mommy's head.

00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:16,388

- What?

- What?

00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,348

I'm supposed to be the mommy?

00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,977

Okay, I'm gonna play

my sperm card one more time.

00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:27,691

I don't see why I have to miss out on the

coaching training because I'm a woman.

00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,693

I see. So, what do you propose to do?

00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,195

- I'll flip you for it.

- Flip me for it? No, no, no.

00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,947

Heads, heads, heads.

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On your back, Mom.

00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:44,708

All right, mommies,

take a nice, deep, cleansing breath.

00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,170

Good.

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Now imagine your vagina is opening...

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...like a flower.

00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,435

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,314

Mr. Dee. How's it going, sir?

00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,815

Uh, it's been better.

00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,901

The Annual Net Usage

Statistics are in.

00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,738

- And?

- It's pretty ugly.

00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:18,283

We haven't seen an ANUS

this bad since the '70s.

00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,204

- So, what does this mean?

- We're gonna be laying off people.

00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:27,417

Listen, I know I came in late last week.

I slept funny and my hair was snarly.

00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,918

Not you.

00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:30,795

Relax.

00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,549

Ever have to fire anyone?

00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,135

CHANDLER:

Nina...

00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:43,767

Nina.

00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,686

Nina...

00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:49,230

Are you okay?

00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,816

Yes. Yes, I am.

00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,026

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:57,697

Uh, listen, the reason that

I called you in here today was, uh...

00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,783

Please don't hate me.

00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,451

What?

00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,997

Would you like

to have dinner sometime?

00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,755

So, Pheebs, what do you want

for your birthday?

00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:18,468

Well, what I really want is for my mom

to be alive and enjoy it with me.

00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,390

Okay.

00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,727

Let me put it this way.

Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?

00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:30,855

- Bath salts would be nice.

- Oh, okay. Good.

00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,116

What is this place?

00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:44,035

Look, you're cold, I have to pee,

and there's coffee.

00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,079

How bad could it be?

00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,373

I think we have an answer.

00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,292

What's she doing here?

00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,838

This could be God's way

of telling us to eat at home.

00:11:55,464 --> 00:11:59,384

- Think she got fired at Riff's?

- No, we were there last night.

00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:02,262

She kept bringing swordfish.

Are you gonna go?

00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:04,681

I'll wait until we order.

It's her, right?

00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,641

It looks like her.

00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,436

- Um, excuse me?

- Yeah?

00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,604

Hi, it's us.

00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,569

Right. And it's me.

00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,614

So you're here too?

00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,825

As much as you are.

00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,493

Your turn.

00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,038

- We know what we want.

- Oh, that's good.

00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,834

- All we want is two caffe lattes.

- And some biscotti cookies.

00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,669

Good choice.

00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,508

- It's definitely her.

- Yeah.

00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,181

[CHARACTERS SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,603

I can't believe you.

00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:54,939

You still haven't told that girl

she doesn't have a job yet?

00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,651

Well, you still haven't taken down

the Christmas lights.

00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,364

Congratulations. I think you found

the world's thinnest argument.

00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,992

I'm just trying to find the right moment.

00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:09,287

Oh, well, that shouldn't be so hard,

now that you're dating.

00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:15,043

"Sweetheart, you're fired. But how

about a quickie before I go to work?"

00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:19,798

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,674

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:25,970

Once you're inside,

you don't have to knock anymore.

00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:28,681

I'll get it.

00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:33,895

Oh. Hi, Mr. Heckles.

00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,522

You're doing it again.

00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,232

We're not doing anything.

00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,568

We're just sitting around

talking quietly.

00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:42,862

I can hear you through the ceiling.

00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,825

My cats can't sleep.

00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,245

You don't even have cats.

00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:52,372

I could have cats.

00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,124

Goodbye, Mr. Heckles.

00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,877

We'll try to keep it down.

00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,759

Phoebe, can you do me a favor?

00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,011

Try this on to make sure it fits.

00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:11,140

Oh, my first birthday present.

Oh, this is really...

00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,602

Oh, no, no. It's for Ursula.

I just figured, you know, size-wise.

00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,898

Oh. Sure. Yeah.

00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,483

Okay, it fits.

00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,489

- Are you seeing her again tonight?

- Yep, Ice Capades.

00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:27,949

Wow, this is serious.

00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:31,452

I've never known you to pay money

for any kind of capade.

00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,456

I don't know. I like her.

00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,043

She's different.

There's, uh, something about her...

00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,546

That you like.

We get it. You like her. Great.

00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,092

Hey, Phoebe, I asked you,

and you said it was okay.

00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:48,219

Well, maybe now it's not okay.

00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,804

Okay.

00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,057

Well, maybe now I'm not okay

with it not being okay.

00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,392

Okay.

00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,316

Knit, good woman.

Knit. Knit.

00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,287

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,456

And that's the Chrysler Building

right there.

00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,832

NINA:

Oh.

00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,877

- Nina.

- Mr. Douglas.

00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,420

Cool tie.

00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:26,925

She's still here.

00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,844

Yes. Yes, she is.

00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,638

Didn't I memo you on this?

00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:36,768

See, after I let her go, uh, I got a call

from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen...

00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,561

...Dr. Flanan, Dr. Flan.

00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:39,938

[CHANDLER CLEARS THROAT]

00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:44,025

And, uh, he informed me that

she took the news rather badly.

00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,986

In fact, he, uh, mentioned

the word "frenzy."

00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,280

You're kidding. She seems so...

00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,949

Oh, no, no. Nina? She's:

00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,495

In fact, if you asked her now...

00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:58,623

...she'd have no recollection

of being fired at all.

00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,084

That's unbelievable.

00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,961

And yet believable.

00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,713

So I decided not to fire her again...

00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,300

...until I'm sure she will be

of no threat to herself or others.

00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:14,472

I see. Hmm. You never really know

what's going on inside a person's head.

00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:18,643

Well, I guess that's why

they call it psychology, sir.

00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:24,482

NARRATOR [ON TV]:

The sound Mom and Dad will never forget.

00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,944

For this, after all,

is the miracle of birth.

00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:29,487

TEACHER:

Lights, please.

00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,197

And that's having a baby.

00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,658

Next week is our final class.

00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:36,786

Susan, go deep.

00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,085

CAROL:

It's impossible. It's just impossible.

00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,378

What is, honey?

00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,463

What that woman...

00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,715

...did.

00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,427

I am not doing that. Heh.

00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,805

It'll have to stay in, that's all.

Everything will be the same.

00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:59,058

- It'll just stay in. Ha, ha.

- Carol, honey. Shh.

00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,936

- Everything will be all right.

- What do you know?

00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,981

No one's saying to you,

"Hi, is that your nostril?

00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,734

Mind if we push

this pot roast through it?"

00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,570

Carol, sweetie.

00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,238

Cleansing breath.

00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,659

I know it's frightening.

But big picture:

00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,287

The birth part is just one day...

00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:23,875

...and when it's over, we'll all

be parents for the rest of our lives.

00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:27,045

SUSAN: I mean, that's what

this is all about, right?

00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,337

Ross?

00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,506

Ross.

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,259

I'm gonna be a father.

00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:37,722

- This is just occurring to you?

- I always knew I was having a baby.

00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:41,225

I just never realized

the baby was having me.

00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,561

Oh, you're gonna be great.

00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:45,188

How could you say that?

00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:48,524

I can't even get Marcel

to stop eating the bathmat.

00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,610

How will I raise a kid?

00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:53,362

You know, Ross, some scientists

are now saying...

00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:56,657

...that monkeys and babies

are actually different.

00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,245

- Where are you going?

- Out.

00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,914

With?

00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,373

Yes.

00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,793

All right, can I just ask you one question?

00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,255

Have you two, you know,

like, you know?

00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:13,966

You know?

00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:15,968

Yet?

00:18:16,845 --> 00:18:18,805

Well, not that it's any

of your business...

00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,765

...but no, we haven't, okay?

00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,564

You meant sex, right?

00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:36,364

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,867

- Do you have a sec?

- Uh, sure, Nina. What's up?

00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:43,663

I don't know. For the past couple days,

people have been avoiding me...

00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:45,832

...and giving me

these really strange looks.

00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,960

Oh, well, uh, maybe that's because...

00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:52,255

...they're, uh, jealous of us.

00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:53,965

Maybe.

00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:57,343

But that doesn't explain why

they keep taking my scissors.

00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:02,098

Uh, well, maybe that's, uh,

because you're getting a big raise.

00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,560

- I am?

- Sure. Why not?

00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,813

Oh, my God. You're amazing.

00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,315

Oh, you don't know.

00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:15,611

Helen, make sure we put through the

paperwork on Miss Bookbinder's raise.

00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:19,907

HELEN [OVER INTERCOM]: Still want her

psychological profile sent to personnel?

00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:22,994

- What?

- Helen drinks.

00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,496

Will you marry me?

00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,922

- Well, I ended up telling her everything.

- Ooh. How'd she take it?

00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,217

Pretty well.

Except for the stapler thing.

00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:41,721

Little tip. If you're ever

in a similar situation...

00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,682

...never, ever leave

your hand on the desk.

00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:48,853

Okay, I think I get how to do this.

00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,522

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,777

Can we turn this off?

Can we make them go away?

00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,863

Because I can't watch.

00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,948

- Okay, Pheebs, they're gone.

- Okay.

00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,409

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:07,538

It's just, you know,

this whole stupid Ursula thing.

00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:09,332

Okay, Pheebs, can I ask?

00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,835

So he's going out with her.

Is it really so terrible?

00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,420

Um, yeah.

00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:19,342

I mean, I'm not saying

she's evil or anything.

00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,428

She's just, you know,

always breaking my stuff.

00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,641

When I was 8, I wouldn't let her

have my Judy Jetson Thermos...

00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,893

...so she threw it under the bus.

00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,604

And then there's Randy Brown...

00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,272

...who was like...

00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,651

Have you ever had a boyfriend

who was like your best friend?

00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:38,861

- No.

- No.

00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,907

Well, but that's what he was for me.

00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:45,618

And she, you know,

kind of stole him away...

00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:48,704

...and then broke his heart.

00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:52,166

And then he wouldn't

even talk to me anymore.

00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:56,671

He didn't want to be around anything

that looked like either one of us.

00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,174

Oh, Pheebs.

00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:04,762

I mean, I know Joey's not

my boyfriend or my Thermos...

00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:07,265

...or anything, but...

00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,268

- You won't lose him.

- You gotta talk to Joey.

00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:11,811

Yeah, okay.

00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:15,147

Come on. He doesn't know this stuff.

If he knew how you felt...

00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,983

He's falling in love with her.

00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:19,193

Oh, please.

They've been going out a week.

00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:23,739

They haven't even slept together yet.

I mean, that's not serious.

00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:28,244

Okay.

00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,706

Oh. Okay. Oh.

00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:48,973

Oh.

00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,727

Yeah, um, may we help you?

00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:10,786

Rachel, what are you doing? It's freezing.

Would you come inside?

00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,830

No, no, no.

00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,750

You wanted me to take them down...

00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:18,544

...so I'm taking them down, okay?

00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:20,421

[RACHEL YELLS]

00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:23,257

Rachel!

00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:25,551

I'm okay. I'm okay.

00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:27,928

Mr. Heckles?

00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,599

Mr. Heckles,

could you help me, please?

00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,978

See, this is just the kind of thing

I was talking about.

00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:44,695

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,180

В мультфильме мы бы уже были

красные и шипели

00:00:14,430 --> 00:00:16,310

Вон официантка. Эй, извините!

00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,570

- Аллё, мисс?

- Да это ж Фиби!

00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:24,280

Ну что, это всё?

00:00:24,530 --> 00:00:26,950

Подожди. Что ты здесь делаешь?

00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,320

Я стояла там...

00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,700

...потом вы сказали "Извините,

мисс", и вот я здесь

00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:34,290

А почему ты работаешь здесь?

00:00:34,540 --> 00:00:38,880

Потому что это близко к дому,

и здесь симпатичные фартучки

00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:40,090

Давай начнем сначала, а?

00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:43,130

Отлично. Я отойду туда

00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:46,340

Первый сезон, 16-я серия

"Двухсерийная" (часть 1-я)

00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:35,930

Не знаю, он испытывает мое терпение

или просто хулиганит...

00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:40,350

...но мой обезьян стал

неуправляемым!

00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:44,020

Он постоянно стирает сообщения

на автоответчике

00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,940

Якобы случайно

00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,400

Да, я тоже это делала

00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:55,740

И три дня подряд первым

добирается до газеты...

00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,580

...и обссыкает весь кроссворд!

00:01:58,830 --> 00:02:01,750

Этого я не делала

00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,290

Ну, скажи, что она хоть чем-то

не похожа на сестру

00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:07,580

А я говорю, что вижу разницу

00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:09,040

Они же близнецы

00:02:09,290 --> 00:02:14,380

Мне плевать. Фиби - это Фиби.

А Урсула - красотка

00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:17,180

Помнишь, что мы говорили

насчет... этого?

00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:20,810

Давай больше так не делать

00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,940

Привет, Фибс. Угадай,

кого мы сегодня видели?

00:02:25,190 --> 00:02:26,690

Ой, давайте поиграем!

00:02:26,940 --> 00:02:28,230

- Лайама Нисона.

- Нет.

00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,940

Морли Сэйфер

00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:31,820

Женщину, которая меня стрижет!

00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,110

Игра может оказаться

очень длинной

00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:35,740

Твою сестру, Урсулу

00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:37,320

Да ну?

00:02:37,570 --> 00:02:39,160

Она работает в одном ресторане...

00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,530

У Риффа. Да, я знаю

00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:45,080

Знаешь? А она сказала, что вы

много лет не разговариваете

00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:51,460

Так она растолстела?

00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:54,630

С моего места

мне так не показалось

00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,840

А с твоего места?

00:02:59,140 --> 00:03:02,560

Фибс, так между вами что,

кошка пробежала?

00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:05,350

Да просто глупая вражда сестер,

понимаешь?

00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:10,310

Все всегда считали ее красоткой

00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:12,360

Она первая начала ходить...

00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:17,030

...хотя я тоже пошла в тот же день

00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:22,530

И с тех пор я для родителей,

"Ну, что там еще случилось?"

00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:25,580

Извините, мне пора. У меня курсы

будущих матерей

00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:30,670

А у меня урок географии.

Встретимся на физкультуре?

00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,340

Там будете только вы с Кэрол?

00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,260

Нет, Сюзан тоже придет

00:03:36,510 --> 00:03:41,220

У нас там и папы, и лесбиянки.

Полный набор родителей

00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:43,310

Тебе не кажется это дурацким?

00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,520

Вначале, бывало, казалось...

00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:48,310

...а теперь я привык к дурацкому

положению

00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,480

Это мой пиджак

00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,360

Сам знаю

00:03:59,950 --> 00:04:01,200

Наша фамилия - Ростены

00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:04,200

Я Джей Си, а это Майкл

00:04:04,450 --> 00:04:08,160

И нас будет мальчик...

и девочка

00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:12,380

Молодцы! Так-так, следующий?

00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:16,170

Я Росс Геллер

00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:18,590

А там, внутри - мой мальчик

00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:24,720

А это Кэрол Виллик и Сюзан Банч

00:04:24,970 --> 00:04:29,270

Сюзан - она с Кэрол...

00:04:33,150 --> 00:04:35,940

Кто следующий?

00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:37,780

Извините, Сюзан - она...?

00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:40,150

- Сюзан - подруга кэрол.

- Партнер.

00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,610

По дружбе

00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:44,030

По совместной жизни

00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:48,040

Знаете, женщины бывают очень близки

00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,250

- Сюзан и я живем вместе.

- А я был на ней женат.

00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,170

- На Кэрол, не на мне.

- Это все так сложно.

00:04:53,420 --> 00:04:56,340

- Но мы довольны.

- Вполне.

00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,210

Значит, близнецы!

00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,300

Как два птенца в гнезде

00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:13,150

- И тебе того же, Хелен!

00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,940

К вам пришла Нина Скоросшивателер

00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,740

Ладно, пусть войдет

00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:27,030

- Заходи.

- Вы хотели меня видеть?

00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,040

Я просматривал твои отчеты

00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:31,790

Ты переносишь цифры с пятницы

на более поздние даты

00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,960

А почему так делать нельзя?

00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,210

У меня от этого ЁПэРэСоТэ

не складывается

00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:38,750

Простите, что?

00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,210

ЁПэРэСоТэ

00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,590

Еженедельное потребление ресурсов

сотрудниками

00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,680

А, точно. Поняла

00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:48,810

Больше не буду. Не хочу, чтобы

у вас не складывалось...

00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:51,730

...ЁПэРэСоТэ

00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:04,070

Понимаете, она не просто

симпатичная! Она...

00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,780

...очень и очень симпатичная

00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:12,700

Неважно. Нельзя тыкать свою вилку

в розетку компании

00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,170

Росс

00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:18,880

Твой мелкий скот опять завладел

дистанционкой

00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:22,880

Марсель, отдай Росси дистанционку

00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:25,260

Марсель!

00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:30,220

Марсель, ты немедленно отдашь

Росси дистанционку!

00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,690

Ты немедленно отдашь Росси...

00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:38,980

- Отлично.

- Спокойно. Я все исправлю.

00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:40,730

Круто!

00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:41,860

Уркель...

00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:46,280

...по-испански будет Уркель

00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:49,700

Как он это сделал?

00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:52,160

Скажи-ка, по-твоему, оставить

рождественские гирлянды...

00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:54,960

...это способ продлить веселье

на весь год?

00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:58,420

Кое-кто должен был снять их

после Нового Года...

00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:00,790

...но, видимо, кое-кто забыл!

00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,300

А кое-кто должен был написать:

00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:09,010

"Рэйч, сними гирлянды" и повесить

записку на холо... дильник

00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,180

И долго она уже там висит?

00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:14,560

Где ты был?

00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:18,350

У Риффа. Похоже, я нравлюсь Урсуле.

Я заказал всего лишь кофе.

00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:23,820

А она принесла мне рыбное ассорти

и четыре тарелки картошки фри

00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,150

Зачо-от!

00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,740

Она такая аппетитная!

00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:32,530

Знаешь, прежде чем действовать

в стиле Джои...

00:07:32,780 --> 00:07:36,580

...ты бы перетёр эту тему с...

00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,210

Фибс?

00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,960

Что если я приглашу твою сестру

на свидание?

00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:47,260

Зачем? Зачем тебе это надо?

Зачем?

00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:52,050

Чтобы когда я пришел на свидание,

она была там

00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:58,890

Ну ладно, я же не моя сестра,

так что, наверное...

00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:01,980

...кто его знает

00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:05,820

Да, конечно, в свое время

мы были одной яйцеклеткой

00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,780

Но, знаешь ли, с тех пор

мы росли отдельно, так что...

00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,860

Не знаю. Почему бы и нет?

00:08:11,110 --> 00:08:13,910

Круто. Спасибо

00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,250

Ты как?

00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,460

Спасибо, нормально

00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:23,880

Хочешь посмотреть

"Эль сериаль комико"?

00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,350

Извините

00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,810

Извини, опоздал. А где Кэрол?

00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:46,230

Задерживается в школе.

Какое-то родительское собрание

00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,700

Можешь идти. Я всё запомню

00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:54,490

Нет... я лучше останусь. Нам обоим

стоит знать, что там и как

00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:55,950

Отлично

00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,580

Будет так интересно

00:08:57,830 --> 00:09:02,290

Мы начнем с некоторых дыхательных

упражнений третьего этапа

00:09:02,540 --> 00:09:04,290

Мамы, ложитесь на спину

00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:09,970

А партнеры будут поддерживать

головы мам

00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:16,390

- Что?

- Что?

00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,310

Я должна изображать мамочку?

00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:23,520

Пожалуй, я еще раз зайду

со своего полового козыря

00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:27,650

И я должна пропустить тренинг партнера

из-за того, что я женщина?

00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,690

Понял. И что ты предлагаешь?

00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:32,150

- Кинуть монетку.

- Монетку?

00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,320

Орел, орел, орел!

00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:38,160

На спину, мамочка!

00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:46,250

Так, мамаши, сделайте хороший

глубокий очистительный вдох-выдох

00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:49,130

Хорошо

00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,260

Теперь представьте,

что ваша вагина раскрывается...

00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:56,050

...как бутон цветка

00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,270

Мистер Ди! Как дела, сэр?

00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,150

Бывало и лучше

00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,030

Поступили сведения по потреблению

ресурсов восточными отделениями

00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,700

Выглядит жутко

00:10:14,950 --> 00:10:19,370

Такое страшное ПОРЕВО у меня

бывало только в семидесятые

00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,830

И что в итоге?

00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,410

Придется повсеместно

сокращать штаты

00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:27,380

Я знаю, что на той неделе опоздал.

А еще у меня волосы со сна спутаны

00:10:27,630 --> 00:10:29,090

Да не тебя

00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:32,340

Успокойся

00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,090

Приходилось увольнять кого-нибудь?

00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:38,680

Нина...

00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:41,970

Нина

00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,020

У вас проблемы?

00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:53,690

Нет. Никаких проблем

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:58,070

Послушай, я тебя вызвал сюда,

чтобы...

00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,370

Прошу тебя, не надо меня

ненавидеть

00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:03,000

Что?

00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:07,540

Хочешь как-нибудь

со мной пообедать?

00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:14,010

Фибс, а что ты хочешь себе

на день рождения?

00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:20,010

Я хочу, чтобы мама была жива

и встретила его вместе со мной

00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,690

Поставим вопрос по-другому.

Что ты хочешь из косметики?

00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:29,650

Морскую соль для ванны!

00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,400

Отлично

00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:41,120

Что это за тошниловка?

00:11:41,370 --> 00:11:43,990

Тебе холодно, я хочу писать,

и тут есть кофе

00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,120

Что тут может быть плохого?

00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:49,920

Вот тебе и ответ

00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,290

Что она здесь делает?

00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:55,210

Это нам Господь намекает,

что питаться нужно дома

00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:59,340

- Думаешь, ее уволили из Риффа?

- Нет, мы же там вчера были.

00:11:59,590 --> 00:12:02,260

И она все еще подавала там рыбу.

Так ты пойдешь в...?

00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:04,680

Я подожду, пока мы закажем.

Это же она, да?

00:12:04,930 --> 00:12:07,350

По крайней мере очень похожа

00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,900

Прошу прощения?

00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:13,150

Привет, это мы!

00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:19,110

Ну да. А это я!

00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:21,870

Так ты и здесь тоже?

00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,080

Собственно, как и вы

00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,450

Твоя очередь

00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:27,830

Мы уже решили, что закажем

00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,000

Отлично

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,130

- Два кофе "латэ".

- И песочного печенья.

00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:36,210

Хороший выбор

00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:42,050

Это точно она

00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,600

Не верю своим ушам

00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:55,520

Ты до сих пор не сказал ей,

что она уволена?

00:12:55,770 --> 00:12:59,530

А ты до сих пор не сняла

рождественские гирлянды

00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:03,780

Поздравляю! Ты нашел самый

шаткий аргумент в мире

00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:05,990

Я дожидаюсь подходящего момента

00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:10,460

Теперь, когда вы встречаетесь,

это будет легко

00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:16,590

"Лапочка, ты уволена. Может,

перепихнемся, пока я не ушел?"

00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,010

Когда ты вошел, стучать уже

не обязательно

00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:30,230

Я открою

00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:34,230

Здравствуйте, мистер Хеклз

00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,480

Вы опять за свое

00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:37,190

Мы же ничего не делаем

00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,610

Мы сидим и тихонько

разговариваем

00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:44,410

Я слышу вас через потолок

00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:48,370

Мои кошки не могут заснуть

00:13:48,540 --> 00:13:50,200

У вас нет никаких кошек

00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:53,920

У меня могли бы быть кошки

00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,080

Всего хорошего, мистер Хеклз

00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:59,420

Мы постараемся говорить потише

00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:04,890

Фиби, сделай мне одолжение?

00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:06,970

Примеряй, подходит ли

00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:11,140

Ура, мой первый подарок!

Ой, он такой...

00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:16,150

Это Урсуле. Я просто подумал,

ну, насчет размера

00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,860

А, ну да

00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:22,030

Подходит

00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:24,030

Ты опять с ней встречаешься?

00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,700

Ага. Идем на балет на льду

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:27,910

Ого, это уже серьезно

00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:33,000

Раньше ты признавал лед

только в стаканах

00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:35,460

Ну не знаю. Она мне нравится

00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:39,000

Она другая.

В ней есть что-то такое...

00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:43,090

Что тебе нравится. Мы поняли.

Она тебе нравится

00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:46,050

Фиби, я тебя спросил, и ты

не возражала

00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,760

Ну а теперь я, может, возражаю

00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:55,520

Ну а теперь и я, может, возражаю,

против того, чтобы ты возражала

00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:02,860

Вяжи, добрая женщина, вяжи, вяжи!

00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:19,080

А там у нас здание концерна

"Крайслер"

00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:21,130

Мистер Дуглас

00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,960

Классный галстук

00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:27,340

Она еще здесь?

00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:30,100

Да. Да, она здесь

00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:31,640

Разве я не посылал вам докладную?

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:36,770

После того, как я ее уволил, мне

позвонил ее психиатр, доктор Фланен...

00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,110

...доктор Фланан, доктор Флан

00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,980

И сообщил, что она приняла

эту новость довольно тяжело

00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:47,700

Вообще-то он упомянул слово

"бешенство"

00:15:47,950 --> 00:15:49,240

Но она же такая...

00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,870

О нет, нет. Нина? Да она...

00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,450

Если вы ее сейчас спросите...

00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:59,670

...она вообще ничего не вспомнит

о том, что ее уволили

00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,040

Прямо не верится

00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,420

И все же поверьте

00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:05,670

Так что я решил не увольнять

ее снова...

00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,930

...до тех пор, пока она может

угрожать себе или окружающим

00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:14,810

Я понял. Никогда не знаешь, что

там у человека в голове творится

00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:20,190

Наверное, потому и есть такая

наука - психология, сэр

00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,440

Этот звук мама и папа

не забудут никогда

00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:27,940

Ибо это есть не что иное,

как чудо рождения

00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,490

Включите свет

00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:31,200

Вот как рожают детей

00:16:31,450 --> 00:16:35,200

На следующей неделе последнее

занятие

00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,330

Сюзан, иди в прорыв

00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,040

Это невозможно.

Нет, этого не может быть

00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:45,380

Что такое, милая?

00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,420

Да то, что эта женщина...

00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,510

...проделала

00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,430

Я этого делать не буду!

00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,810

Он останется там, и точка.

И всё всегда будет, как сейчас

00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:59,020

- Он останется внутри.

- Кэрол, милая.

00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:01,900

- Все будет хорошо.

- Да что ты знаешь?

00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:04,980

Тебе-то никто не говорит:

"Ой, это твоя ноздря?

00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:08,740

А давай-ка пропихнем через нее

окорок!"

00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:10,570

Кэрол, лапочка

00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,320

Очистительное дыхание

00:17:13,570 --> 00:17:16,660

Я знаю, это страшно.

Но представь себе:

00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:19,450

Роды - это всего один день...

00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:24,250

...а потом мы станем родителями

до конца наших дней

00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:27,050

Ведь ради этого все это и

делается, так?

00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,420

Росс?

00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:31,050

Росс.

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,180

Я стану отцом

00:17:34,430 --> 00:17:37,680

- Ты только сейчас понял?

- Я знал, что у меня будет сын.

00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:41,390

Но я не понимал, что и я сам

буду принадлежать сыну

00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,560

Ты будешь отличным отцом

00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:45,150

С чего ты взяла?

00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,980

Да я никак не могу отучить

Марселя грызть коврик в ванной

00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:50,860

Как же я буду растить ребенка?

00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:53,360

Знаешь, некоторые ученые сейчас

утверждают...

00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:58,200

...что обезьяны и дети -

это разные биологические виды

00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,250

- Куда ты идешь?

- Туда.

00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,460

К ней...?

00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,050

Можно задать один вопрос?

00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:12,800

Вы двое уже, ну, понимаешь,

в общем, ты понял?

00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,720

Ты понял?

00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:16,600

Уже?

00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:18,810

Вообще-то это не твое дело...

00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:22,310

...но нет, еще нет

00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:30,110

Ты же про секс, да?

00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:40,200

- Есть минутка?

- Да, Нина. Что такое?

00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:43,620

Последние пару дней

люди стали меня избегать...

00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,540

...и бросать странные взгляды

00:18:46,790 --> 00:18:50,460

Ну, может, это просто потому...

00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,380

...что они нам завидуют

00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:53,920

Может быть

00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:58,010

Но это не объясняет, почему

они прячут мои ножницы

00:18:58,260 --> 00:19:03,230

Может, это потому, что ты

получаешь большую прибавку!

00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,600

- Правда?

- Конечно. Какая уже разница?

00:19:05,850 --> 00:19:09,150

Боже мой! Таких, как ты,

не бывает!

00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,940

Не бывает - это точно

00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:15,900

Хелен, подготовь-ка документы по

поводу мисс Скоросшивателер

00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:21,160

Вы хотите, чтобы я передала

диагноз психиатра в отдел кадров?

00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,450

Хелен пьет

00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:27,040

Ты выйдешь за меня замуж?

00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:35,090

- В конце концов я ей рассказал.

- Как она это восприняла?

00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,390

Неплохо. Если не считать степлера

00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,680

Даю совет. Если окажетесь

в аналогичной ситуации...

00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,640

...никогда не кладите руку

перед собой на стол

00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:50,400

Вот, кажется, я поняла, как

это делать

00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:56,780

Можно это выключить?

Можно их отсюда убрать?

00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,990

Я их видеть не могу

00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,660

Все, убрала

00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,370

Ты в порядке?

00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:07,660

Да. Просто все эти глупости

с Урсулой

00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,330

Можно вопрос?

00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:13,300

Ну встречается он с ней.

Что, это так ужасно?

00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,960

Да.

00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:19,340

Я не хочу сказать, что она -

какой-то черт с рогами

00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:23,100

Она просто, ну, всегда

ломала мои вещи

00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:26,600

Когда нам было восемь,

я не подарила ей свой термос...

00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,560

...и она бросила его под автобус

00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,560

А потом был еще Рэнди Браун...

00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,480

...он был такой...

00:20:33,730 --> 00:20:38,200

У тебя был когда-нибудь парень

и одновременно твой лучший друг?

00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:42,870

Ну так вот, он был именно такой

00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,620

А она взяла его и увела...

00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:49,290

...и разбила ему сердце

00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:52,170

А потом он даже разговаривать

со мной не хотел

00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:58,220

Не хотел быть рядом ни с кем,

даже похожим на нее

00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:05,600

Конечно, Джои - не мой парень,

и не мой термос...

00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:07,270

...он вообще не мой...

00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,640

- Ты не потеряешь его.

- Надо тебе поговорить с Джои.

00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:11,770

Ну ладно

00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:15,110

Он всего этого не знает.

Если бы ты ему сказала...

00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,940

Он в нее влюбляется

00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:19,190

Да они встречаются неделю

00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:25,280

Они еще даже не переспали.

Это не может быть серьезно

00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:52,890

Ты что-то хотела?

00:22:06,820 --> 00:22:10,120

Рэйчел, что ты делаешь?

Там же холодно! Заходи внутрь!

00:22:10,890 --> 00:22:12,680

Нет-нет-нет

00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:15,730

Ты хотела, чтобы я их сняла...

00:22:15,980 --> 00:22:20,110

...и я их сниму, понятно?

00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,200

Рэйчел!

00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:26,450

Все нормально, нормально

00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,620

Мистер Хеклз?

00:22:28,870 --> 00:22:32,540

Мистер Хеклз, помогите мне,

пожалуйста!

00:22:32,790 --> 00:22:37,540

Вот именно об этом я и говорил