Эпизод с рождением

00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:11,385

She's not here yet.

She's having my baby and she's not here.

00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,471

- Everything's fine. Has her water broken?

- I don't know.

00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:17,766

But when I spoke to her, she said

she'd already passed the mucus plug.

00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,852

[GROANS]

00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,272

Do we have to know about that?

00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,816

What are you gonna do

when you have a baby?

00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:29,737

I'm gonna be in the waiting room,

handing out cigars.

00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:33,866

Yes, Joey's made arrangements

to have his baby in a movie from the '50s.

00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:39,121

Aah, I don't believe this. I mean,

she could be giving birth in the cab.

00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,414

Oh, Ross, relax.

00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,750

It's only like $2 for the first contraction...

00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:46,086

...and then 50 cents

each additional contraction.

00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,673

What, it's okay when Chandler does it?

00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,676

You have to pick your moments.

00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,555

- Hi. Did I miss it? Did I miss it?

- No, she's not even here yet.

00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,515

- Oh.

MONICA: What's with the guitar?

00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:02,561

I just thought we might be here for a while,

so, you know, things might get musical.

00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:03,812

[ROSS SHOUTS]

00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,732

ROSS: Hey, where the hell have you been?

- We stopped at the gift shop.

00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,651

I was looking at stuffed animals,

and Susan wanted a Chunky.

00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,697

Susan wanted a... You're having a baby.

A baby. You don't stop for Chunkys.

00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,617

- I used to have that bumper sticker.

- Ha, ha.

00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,494

You see what I mean?

00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,795

- "Stopped for a Chunky."

- Let it go, Ross.

00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,005

I got an extra one. You want this?

00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,466

No.

00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,011

Hey, how's my favorite

parenting team doing?

00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,805

Dr. Franzblau. Hi.

00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,933

So I understand you're thinking

of having a baby.

00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,309

Wow.

00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,062

I see you're nine months pregnant.

That's a good start.

00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,313

[CAROL CHUCKLES]

00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,649

- How you doing with your contractions?

- Oh, I love them.

00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,360

Each one's like a little party in my uterus.

00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,572

Ha, ha. They're every four minutes

and last 55 seconds.

00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:38,824

Fifty-nine seconds. Quartz. Ha.

00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,368

Swiss quartz. Ha, ha.

00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,123

- Am I allowed to drink anything?

- Ice chips, just ice chips.

00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,458

- They're at the nurses' station.

- I'll get them.

00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:51,795

SUSAN: No, I'm getting it. Be right back.

- No, I got it. I'm getting it.

00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,675

Hi. Thought you might like

some ice chips.

00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,218

CAROL:

Thanks.

00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,554

And if you need anything else, I...

00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,639

...do not believe we have met. Hi.

00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,642

I'm Rachel Green.

00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:09,104

I'm Carol's ex-husband's

sister's roommate. Ha, ha.

00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,024

It's nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau.

00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,652

I'm your roommate's brother's

ex-wife's obstetrician.

00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,279

[LAUGHS]

00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,656

Oh, that's funny.

00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,456

I want a baby.

00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,751

Hmm. Not tonight, honey.

I got an early day tomorrow.

00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,503

Get up. Come on, let's get some coffee.

00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:37,049

Oh, okay, because we never do that.

00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,927

Shoot, shoot, shoot.

00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,137

Or just fall down. That's good too.

00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,306

LYDIA: Knick fan?

JOEY: Oh, yeah.

00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,643

- Oh, boy, do they suck.

- Hey, listen, lady, I...

00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:49,144

Whoa.

00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,440

Look. Look at your man Ewing.

Nice shot.

00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,443

You know, he couldn't hit water

if he was standing on a boat.

00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,111

Oh, yeah? And who do you like?

00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,530

- Celtics.

- Celtics? Ha!

00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:03,617

They couldn't hit a boat if... Wait.

00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,537

They suck, all right?

00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,374

Shut up.

You know, it's a rebuilding year. You...

00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:11,875

- Aah! Aah!

- Oh. Aah.

00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,543

Uh, let me get the father. Hey!

00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:16,004

We need a father over here!

We need a father!

00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,506

There's no father.

00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,424

Oh. Oh.

00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:20,676

Oh, sorry.

00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,553

Oh, that's okay. I'm fine. I'm...

00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,430

- Oh!

- Oh, uh...

00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,099

Okay. All right. Uh, right this way.

00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,768

All the other pregnant women

seem to be going in here.

00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,228

Okay.

00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,192

[PLAYING FOLK MUSIC]

00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,196

[SINGING] They're tiny and chubby

And so sweet to touch

00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:45,033

But soon they'll grow up

And resent you so much

00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:51,039

Now they're yelling at you

And you don't know why

00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:58,505

And you cry and you cry and you cry

00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,841

- Thanks, Ross.

- Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.

00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,176

Okay.

00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:08,432

Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.

00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:13,520

No fair. I don't even have one.

How come they get two?

00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,481

- You'll get one.

- Oh, yeah? When?

00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,025

CHANDLER:

I'll tell you what.

00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,569

When we're 40,

if neither of us are married...

00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,613

...what do you say you and I have one?

00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,574

Why won't I be married when I'm 40?

00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,952

Oh, no, no, no.

I just meant hypothetically.

00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,122

Okay, hypothetically,

why won't I be married when I'm 40?

00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,541

- No, no, no.

- No, no, what is it? Seriously.

00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,210

Is there something

fundamentally unmarriable about me?

00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,630

- Uh... Uh...

- Well?

00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:44,343

Dear God. This parachute is a knapsack.

00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,513

- Hey.

- Hey. Ooh.

00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,682

- Look at you, dressy-dress.

- Yeah.

00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,726

Did you go home and change?

00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:56,229

Yeah, well, it's an important day.

I wanna look nice.

00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,066

Um, has Dr. Franzblau been by?

00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:01,818

No, I haven't seen him.

00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,988

Well, where is he?

He is supposed to be here.

00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,159

What if the baby needs him?

00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,453

Rachel, what is the deal

with you and doctors?

00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:15,624

- Is, like, your father a doctor?

- Yeah. Why?

00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,834

No reason.

00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,963

Mom, we've been through this.

00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:24,758

No, I am not calling him.

00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,886

I don't care if it is his kid.

The guy's a jerk.

00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,973

No, I am not alone. Joey's here.

00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,643

What do you mean, "Joey who?"

00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,103

[MOUTHS]

Joey who?

00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,606

- Tribbiani.

- Joey Tribbiani.

00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:44,528

Yes. Okay. Hold on.

00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,072

- She wants to talk to you.

- No.

00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,032

Take the phone.

00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,951

Hi. Yeah, it's me.

00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,285

[JOEY CHUCKLES]

00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,997

Oh, no, no, no. We're just friends. Yeah.

00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,125

Yeah, I'm single.

00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,335

Twenty-five.

00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,753

An actor.

00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,505

Hello?

00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,804

- She's not much of a phone person.

- Yeah.

00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:14,808

So, uh, what's the deal

with this father guy?

00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:18,854

I mean, if someone was having my baby

somewhere, I'd wanna know about it.

00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:23,233

Hey, Knick fan, am I interested

in your views on fatherhood? Um, no.

00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,321

Okay. Uh, look, maybe I should just go.

00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:31,199

- Maybe you should.

- Good luck.

00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,703

And, uh, take care, huh?

00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,379

Know what the Celtics' problem is?

They let the players run the team.

00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,755

Oh, that is so not true.

00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,716

- Oh, it is. It is.

- It isn't. Isn't.

00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:50,427

- Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

- Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,512

You're gonna kill me!

00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,475

- Fifteen more seconds. Fourteen, 13, 12...

- Count faster.

00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,811

It's gonna be okay. We're doing it for Jordy.

Keep focusing on Jordy.

00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,104

Who the hell is Jordy?

00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:03,398

- Your son.

- Whoa, whoa whoa.

00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:04,858

I don't have a son named Jordy.

00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,152

We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.

00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,113

Well, Jamie was the name

of Susan's first girlfriend...

00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,574

...so we went back to Jordy.

00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:13,992

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,703

What do you mean, "back to Jordy"?

We never landed on Jordy.

00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:22,125

We just passed by it

during the whole Jesse/Cody/Dillon fiasco.

00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,376

Ow, ow, ow!

00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,212

- What? What? What?

- Leg cramp, leg cramp.

00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:27,422

ROSS: I got it. I got it.

- I got it. I'm doing it.

00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,008

You get to sleep with her.

I get the cramps.

00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,343

No, you don't.

00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,803

- That is it. I want both of you out.

- What?

00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,430

- She started it.

- He started it.

00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:36,640

I don't care.

00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,059

I'm trying to get a person

out of my body here...

00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:42,687

...and you're not making it any easier.

Now go!

00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,608

- Thanks a lot.

- See what you did?

00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,152

- Yeah. Listen...

- Out.

00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:55,742

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,702

Oh, no.

00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,080

Ew.

00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:03,667

What is that? Something exploded.

00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,169

It's just her water breaking.

Calm down, will you?

00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:09,714

Water breaking? What do you mean?

What's that, water breaking?

00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:13,510

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:18,557

- Oh, please. This is so your fault.

- How? How is this my fault?

00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,685

Look, Carol never threw me out of a room

before you came along.

00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:25,480

Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did

before I came along.

00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,568

- Are you trying to be clever?

- You are so threatened by me.

00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,779

- Everything I say is a problem.

PHOEBE: Hey, hey, hey. Okay. All right.

00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,447

That's it. Get in here. Come on.

00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:38,410

My God, you guys. I don't believe you.

00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,746

There are children coming into the world

in this very building...

00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:45,458

...and your fighting noises are not

the first thing they should be hearing.

00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,086

So just stop all the yelling! Just stop it!

00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,714

Yeah, Susan.

00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:54,593

Don't make me do this again!

I don't like my voice like this!

00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:02,225

Okay, who wants to hear

something ironic?

00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:08,565

PHOEBE & SUSAN:

Help!

00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,108

ROSS: Come on!

PHOEBE & SUSAN: Help!

00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,902

ROSS: I'm having a baby in there!

SUSAN: Hello?

00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,238

- Help!

ROSS: Okay, everyone stand back.

00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:20,785

Ow.

00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:25,332

Are they here yet?

00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,917

No, honey, but don't worry,

we're gonna find them.

00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:31,254

And until we do,

we are all here for you, okay?

00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,839

- Okay. Okay.

RACHEL: Okay?

00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:36,509

Anyway, you were telling me about Paris.

It sounds wonderful.

00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:40,138

It really was. There was this

great little pastry shop right by my hotel...

00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,389

[CAROL YELLING]

00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,601

There you go, dear. You...

00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,770

Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push.

00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:50,148

Push him out, push him out.

Harder, harder.

00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,609

Push him out, push him out. Way out.

00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,612

Let's get that ball and really move.

Hey, hey. Ho, ho.

00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:56,863

Let's get...

00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,242

I was just... Yeah, okay.

00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,703

Push, push, push.

00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:08,416

What are you gonna do,

suck the door open?

00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,381

- Help! Help! Help!

- Help!

00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:18,677

[SINGING] And they found their bodies

The very next day

00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:22,764

And they found their bodies

The very next...

00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,517

La, la, la, la, la, la

00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,477

ROSS & SUSAN:

Help!

00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:32,190

No, Mom, everything's going fine, really.

Yeah, Ross is great. He's, uh...

00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,945

He's in a whole other place. Yeah.

No, he's gone.

00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,281

No, no, you don't have to fly back.

Really.

00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,575

What do you mean,

this might be your only chance?

00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,120

Oh. Would you stop? I'm only 26.

00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,122

I'm not even thinking about babies yet.

00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,623

[BABY COOING]

00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,792

[SOBBING]

00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,753

[CHANDLER MIMICS

STATIC CRACKLING]

00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,347

- Where have you been?

JOEY: Oh, I just had a baby.

00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:07,684

Mazel tov.

00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,982

I don't know.

It could be an hour, it could be three.

00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,109

But relax, she's doing great.

00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:20,864

So, uh, tell me,

are you currently involved with anyone?

00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:24,075

No. No, not at...

At the moment, no, I'm not, no.

00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,035

- Are you?

- No, no.

00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,079

It's hard enough to get women

to go out with me.

00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:32,167

Heh. Right, yeah,

I've heard that about cute doctors.

00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:33,877

No, no, really.

00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:38,548

I suppose it's because

I spend so much time, you know...

00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,341

...where I do.

00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,012

- Oh.

- Mm.

00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:48,892

I try not to let work affect my personal life,

but it's hard when you do...

00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:51,770

...what I do. It's like, uh...

00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,189

Well, for instance, what do you do?

00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:56,983

- I'm a waitress.

- Okay, all right.

00:12:57,151 --> 00:13:00,320

Well, aren't there times when you come

home at the end of the day...

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:04,949

...and you're just like,

"If I see one more cup of coffee..."

00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,831

Ahem. Yeah. Gotcha.

00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:17,754

- I'm gonna check up on your friend.

- Okay, that's fine.

00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:29,390

- So how did you know I was even here?

ROY: Your mom called me.

00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,726

So is this her?

00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,645

No, this is a loaner.

00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,899

Listen, I'm sorry you had to do this

by yourself.

00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:43,988

Oh. I wasn't by myself.

I had a doctor, a nurse and a helper guy.

00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,242

So did you see who won the game?

00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:50,954

Yeah, Knicks by 10. They suck.

00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,915

Eh, they're not so bad.

00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,730

ROSS:

Come on. Come on.

00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:24,070

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

This is all your fault.

00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,948

This is supposed to be, like,

the greatest day of my life.

00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:30,076

My son is being born,

and I should be in there, you know?

00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,161

Instead I'm stuck in a closet with you.

00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:35,665

I've been waiting for this

just as much as you have.

00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:39,002

Believe me, no one has been waiting

for this as much as I have, okay?

00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:40,879

And you know what the funny thing is?

00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,631

When this day is over,

you get to go home with the baby.

00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,217

- Where does that leave me?

- You get to be the father.

00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:50,138

Everyone knows who you are. Who am I?

There's Father's Day. There's Mother's Day.

00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,599

There's no Lesbian Lover Day.

00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,226

Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:59,814

This is so great.

00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,570

You wanna explain that?

00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,532

I mean, well, because when I was

growing up, you know, my dad left...

00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,744

...and my mother died,

and my stepfather went to jail.

00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,664

So I barely had enough pieces of parents

to make one whole one.

00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,336

And here's this little baby

who has like three whole parents...

00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:25,256

...who care about it so much that they fight

over who gets to love it the most...

00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,842

...and it's not even born yet.

00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,553

It's just the luckiest baby

in the whole world.

00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,433

I'm sorry. You were fighting.

00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,020

Where are they?

00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:42,190

- I'm sure they'll be here soon.

- They wouldn't miss this.

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:47,362

Relax. You're only at nine centimeters,

and the baby's at zero station.

00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,575

Okay, you are really frightening me.

00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,619

[CAROL SCREAMS]

00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,580

Somebody wanna help me?

Trying to rip out my heart.

00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:02,210

Uh... Oh, that's great.

Anybody seen a nipple?

00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,464

All right. Ten centimeters. Here we go.

00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,926

- All right, honey, time to start pushing.

- But they're not here yet.

00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,220

Sorry, I can't tell the baby

to wait for them.

00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,223

Oh, God.

00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,101

[ROSS GRUNTS]

00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,228

Okay, got the vent open.

00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,813

Hi, I'm Ben.

00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,481

[CHUCKLES]

00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,359

I'm hospital worker Ben.

00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,361

It's Ben to the rescue.

00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,947

- [SINGING] La, la, la

- Okay, okay, okay.

00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,198

- Ben, you ready?

- Yeah.

00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,033

- All right, give me your foot.

- Okay.

00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:38,204

- Okay, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Unh.

PHOEBE: Ooh.

00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:42,583

- Come on, Ben. Okay. That's it, Ben.

PHOEBE: Okay. Uh-huh.

00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,460

SUSAN:

What do you see?

00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:48,381

PHOEBE: Well, Susan,

I see what appears to be a dark vent.

00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,882

Wait.

00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:53,594

Yes, it is, in fact, a dark vent.

00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,389

[ROSS & SUSAN GASPING]

00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,891

Pheebs, it's open! It's open!

00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:05,231

Wait! You forgot your legs!

00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:08,026

ALL: Push. Push.

- We're here!

00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,861

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,822

ROSS: We're here.

- Where have you been?!

00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,115

Long story, honey.

00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,451

FRANZBLAU:

All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing.

00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,411

I need... Excuse me, can I have this?

00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:20,246

Oh, sorry.

00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,664

All right, all right.

00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,917

There's too many people in this room.

There's about to be one more.

00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:29,464

So anybody who's not an ex-husband

or a lesbian life partner, out you go.

00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,340

- Come on, out.

RACHEL: Okay, good luck.

00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:33,676

- Bye, bye, bye.

- Good luck, you guys, good luck.

00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,805

Let me ask you, do you have to be

Carol's lesbian life partner?

00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:39,515

NURSE:

Out.

00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,227

FRANZBLAU: All right.

All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.

00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:46,230

Let me see. I gotta see, I gotta see.

00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,066

Oh... Oh.

00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,319

Oh! A head.

00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,489

Oh. It's huge.

Carol, how are you doing this?

00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,825

Not helping.

00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,952

FRANZBLAU:

You're doing great. You're doing fine.

00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,121

- Hello?

- Oh, sorry.

00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:04,248

What do you see? What do you see?

00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,959

We got a head, we got shoulders,

we got arms, we got...

00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:10,171

Oh, look at the little... The fingers.

00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,672

Oh, a chest and a stomach...

00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,759

...and it's a boy, definitely a boy.

00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:18,262

All right. Okay, legs, knees and feet.

00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:19,514

Oh, oh.

00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,726

[GASPING]

00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,687

He's here. He's...

00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,439

He's a person.

00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:29,690

Oh!

00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,859

- Look at that.

- What does he look like?

00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:36,030

Kind of like my Uncle Ed,

covered in Jell-O.

00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,032

Really?

00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,743

PHOEBE [FROM ABOVE]:

You guys, he's beautiful.

00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,329

Aw, thanks, Pheebs.

00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:53,673

No shouting,

but we still need a name for this little guy.

00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,717

How about Ben?

00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,011

I like Ben.

00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:02,557

Ben.

00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:03,766

[BEN COOS]

00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,935

- Ha, ha. Ben's good.

- Yeah?

00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,187

How come you never

mentioned Ben before?

00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:11,440

- We, uh, just cooked it up.

SUSAN: Ha, ha.

00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,777

That's what we were off doing.

00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:17,029

- Hi.

- Hey.

00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:19,782

- Can we come in?

- Yeah, come in. Come in.

00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,618

[RACHEL GASPS]

00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,873

[BEN CRYING]

00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,749

I know. I know.

00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,752

Everybody,

there's someone I'd like you to meet.

00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,921

Yeah. This is Ben.

00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:35,673

- Hi, Ben.

- Hi, Ben.

00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,634

- Ben, this is everybody.

- Hey, Ben.

00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,637

Susan, he looks just like you.

00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,808

SUSAN:

Thanks. Ha, ha.

00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:49,312

Oh, God, I can't believe one of us

actually has one of these.

00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:51,981

I know. I still am one of these.

00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:55,818

- Ross?

ROSS: Yeah?

00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,528

Can I?

00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:03,034

Okay, the head, the head. You gotta...

00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:10,374

Hi, Ben. Hi.

00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,336

I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes, I am.

00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:16,255

I'm your Aunt Monica.

00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,508

I...

00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,054

I will always have gum.

00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,268

Ben...

00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:32,772

...I want you to know

that there may be some times...

00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:35,650

...when I may not be around...

00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,401

...like this.

00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,820

["TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR"

PLAYING ON MOBILE]

00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,949

But I'll still always come back...

00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,576

...like this.

00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:50,539

And sometimes I may be away longer...

00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,375

...like this.

00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,464

But I'll still always come back...

00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,843

...like this.

00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:09,016

And sometimes I'll want you to steal third,

and I'll go like this.

00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,610

Oh, he is so amazing.

00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:22,238

Yeah, I know. Look at him.

00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:25,950

Ben.

00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,785

Hey, Ben.

00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,664

Nothing. I don't think that's his name.

00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,876

Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes.

00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,921

Oh, look, he's opening his eyes.

00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:43,551

He doesn't do much, does he?

00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,554

Nope, this is pretty much it.

00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:56,981

- You guys wanna get some coffee?

ALL: Yeah.

00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:59,984

All right, I'll see you guys later.

00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,703

[MOUTHS]

Hi, Ben.

00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,789

- [MOUTHS] I love you.

- Hi, Ben.

00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:16,083

[BRAHMS' "WIEGENLIED"

PLAYING MOBILE]

00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:29,889

[JOEY BLOWS RASPBERRY]

00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,558

[CHANDLER BLOWS RASPBERRY]

00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:35,561

Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.

00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,522

[English - US - SDH]

00:00:11,710 --> 00:00:13,550

Успокойся, все нормально.

Воды уже отошли?

00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:14,630

Не знаю

00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:19,430

Она сказала, что уже вышла

слизистая пробка

00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:23,810

Нам обязательно это знать?

00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:25,810

Джои, что ты будешь делать

во время родов твоего ребенка?

00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:29,980

Буду сидеть в приемной

и угощать всех сигарами

00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:35,570

Да, Джои подготовился к родам

в кинофильме 50-х годов

00:00:36,150 --> 00:00:39,240

Это какой-то абсурд! Она,

может быть, уже рожает в такси!

00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:42,820

Росс, успокойся. Там, небось,

берут 2 доллара за первую схватку...

00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:47,160

...и по 50 центов за каждую

следующую

00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:50,830

Что? А когда Чендлер шутит,

ему можно?

00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,000

Нужно правильно выбирать момент

00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:56,840

- Привет, я уже всё пропустила?

- Нет, она еще даже не приехала.

00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:58,420

А зачем гитара?

00:00:58,670 --> 00:01:03,600

Я подумала, нам еще долго тут сидеть.

Может, придёт вдохновение!

00:01:03,850 --> 00:01:06,850

- Где вас носило?

- Мы зашли в сувенирный магазин.

00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,390

Я хотела мягкую игрушку. А ей

захотелось конфетку "Толстушку".

00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,770

Сюзан захотелось...

Ты же рожаешь!

00:01:12,020 --> 00:01:13,770

На кой хрен нам сдались

эти толстушки!

00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:17,190

У меня была такая наклейка

на бампере

00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,200

Видишь, что я имел в виду?

00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,570

Первый сезон, 23-я серия

"Роды"

00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,290

"Она хотела Толстушку!"

00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:09,710

Да успокойся, Росс

00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,510

У меня есть лишняя. Хочешь?

00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:19,680

- Привет. Как тут моя бравая троица?

- Доктор Францблау, здравствуйте.

00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:22,810

Я так понял, вы собираетесь

завести ребенка

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:27,650

Ага! И вы на девятом месяце

беременности. Хорошее начало

00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:29,150

Как проходят схватки?

00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:34,280

Я их обожаю! Каждая - как маленький

праздник у меня в матке!

00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,410

Они идут каждые четыре минуты,

а последняя - 55 секунд

00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:39,490

59 секунд. Кварцевые - ха!

00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,540

Швейцарские кварцевые - ха-ха!

00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,960

Мне можно что-нибудь пить?

00:02:45,210 --> 00:02:47,460

Лед. Сосать ледяные стружки.

Они есть на посту медсестры.

00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:51,590

- Я принесу! - Нет, я принесу!

- Я принесу! - Нет, я принесу!

00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:57,010

Привет! Я подумала,

тебе захочется ледяных стружек

00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,430

- Спасибо.

- А если понадобится еще, то...

00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,100

...кажется, мы незнакомы

00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,520

Я Рэйчел Грин

00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:09,270

Я соседка сестры бывшего мужа Кэрол

00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,940

Приятно познакомиться.

Я доктор Францблау

00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:17,110

Я акушер бывшей жены брата

вашей соседки

00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,660

Ой, как забавно!

00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:28,120

Я хочу ребенка!

00:03:28,370 --> 00:03:31,380

В другой раз, дорогая.

Мне завтра рано вставать

00:03:31,630 --> 00:03:34,300

Вставай. Давай сходим,

возьмем кофе

00:03:34,550 --> 00:03:37,630

Ладно. Это будет так оригинально

00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,720

Бросай, бросай, бросай!

00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,890

Или просто падай.

Так тоже хорошо

00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:44,310

- Болельщик "Никс"?

- Ага!

00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,480

Вот блин, какие калеки!

00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:49,140

Слушайте, девушка... Ого!

00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,310

Смотрите!

00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,650

Посмотрите на вашего Юинга

00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:56,400

Какой бросок! Знаете, он не попал

бы в воду, даже стоя в лодке!

00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,070

Да ну? А за кого болеете вы?

00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,490

- За "Селтикс".

- "Селтикс"?

00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,490

Ха! Да они не попали бы

в лодку, даже...

00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:05,120

Стоп...

00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,750

Короче, они - пижоны, ясно?

00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,880

Да ну вас! В этом году

у них реорганизация...

00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:15,920

Эй, приведите сюда отца!

Нам нужен отец! Отец!

00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:19,510

Нет... никакого отца

00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,430

Ой, извините

00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,390

Все нормально. Ничего страшного.

Ничего...

00:04:25,510 --> 00:04:27,270

Ладно! Так. Давайте сюда

00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:32,190

Кажется, все остальные беременные

женщины заходят сюда

00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,110

Малышек-крепышек так славно держать

00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:46,540

Когда ж вы большие,

на нас вам начхать

00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:50,920

Вот вырастут детки,

и вынудят мать

00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:55,090

И рыдать, и рыдать, и рыдать

00:04:55,340 --> 00:04:58,460

И рыдать, и рыдать, и рыдать

00:04:58,710 --> 00:05:02,340

- Спасибо, Росс.

- Это чтобы ты прекратила.

00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:09,270

Ой, смотрите, близняшки.

Привет, детки. Какие славные!

00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,480

Это нечестно!

00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:13,560

У меня нет даже одного!

Почему у них сразу двое?

00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,360

И у тебя тоже будет

00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:16,400

Да? Когда?

00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:20,900

Вот что. Когда нам будет 40,

если мы оба останемся холостыми...

00:05:21,150 --> 00:05:23,410

...что если нам пожениться

и завести ребенка?

00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:27,080

Почему это я не выйду замуж

до сорока лет?

00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,830

Нет-нет, я просто сказал

гипотетически

00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:33,580

Ладно, гипотетически - почему я

не выйду замуж до сорока лет?

00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:38,710

В чем дело? Серьезно! Я что,

патологически непригодна в жёны?

00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,550

Ну?

00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:45,390

Господи боже! Этот парашют -

просто вещмешок!

00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:50,770

У-у, какие мы нарядные

00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:52,690

Ты что, ходила домой переодеваться?

00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:56,690

Ну, это важный день. Хочется

хорошо выглядеть

00:05:56,940 --> 00:06:00,570

Доктор Францблау здесь...

не проходил?

00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,780

Нет, я его не видела

00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:06,240

И где же он?

Он обязан быть здесь

00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,030

Что если ребенку понадобится

помощь?

00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:11,370

Рэйчел, что за пунктик у тебя

насчет врачей?

00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:13,540

У тебя что, отец - врач?

00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,210

Да. А что?

00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:19,170

Ничего

00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,880

Мама, сколько можно об этом

00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:24,630

Нет, я не собираюсь ему звонить

00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,890

Мне плевать, что это его ребенок.

Этот мужик - козёл!

00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:32,560

Нет, я не одна. Со мной Джои

00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,560

В смысле "Джои, а как дальше"?

00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:35,980

Джои, а как дальше

00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:40,860

- Триббиани.

- Джои Триббиани... Да.

00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:44,400

Хорошо. Сейчас

00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:46,990

Она хочет с тобой поговорить

00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,740

Бери трубку!

00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,950

Здравствуйте! Да, это я

00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,830

Нет-нет, мы просто друзья

00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,250

Да, я холостой

00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,250

Двадцать пять

00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,170

Актёр. Аллё?

00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:10,760

Она не очень разговорчива

по телефону

00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,600

Так что... что там за дела

с этим отцом?

00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:18,770

Уж если женщина рожала бы от меня

ребенка, я бы хотел об этом знать

00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:24,740

Слышишь, болельщик "Никс", а мне

никак нельзя без твоего мнения

об отцовстве, да?

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,200

Ну тогда... мне лучше уйти

00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:29,870

Видимо, да

00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,540

Удачи тебе...

00:07:32,790 --> 00:07:35,500

...и всего хорошего

00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:44,210

Знаешь, почему "Селтикс" - козлы?

У них игроки управляют командой!

00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:45,630

Это наглая ложь!

00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,630

- Неправда! - Правда!

- Неправда! - Правда!

00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,140

- Дыши. - Дыши.

- Дыши. - Дыши.

00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:52,390

Вы меня убьете!

00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,730

- Еще 15 секунд! 14, 13, 12...

- Считай быстрее!

00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:59,650

Все будет хорошо! Помни -

мы делаем это ради Джорди!

00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:01,730

Что за хрен этот Джорди?

00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:02,730

Твой сын

00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:04,820

Стоп-стоп-стоп, моего сына

не будут звать Джорди

00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:08,070

Мы все решили, что моего сына

будут звать Джейми

00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,820

Ну... Джейми звали первую

девушку Сюзан...

00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:12,740

...так что мы вернулись к Джорди

00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:17,160

Что значит "вернулись к Джорди"?

Мы и не останавливались на "Джорди"!

00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:23,590

Мы пролетели мимо во время всей

этой вакханалии Джесса-Коди-Диллона

00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,920

Ногу судорога схватила!

00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:27,420

- Я помогу!

- Я помогу! Это сделаю я!

00:08:27,670 --> 00:08:30,010

Эй! Ты с ней спишь!

А судороги будут мои!

00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,180

Нет, не твои!

00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:33,600

Всё, хватит! Вы оба - выметайтесь!

00:08:33,850 --> 00:08:35,180

- Что? Это она начала!

- Это он! - Она!

00:08:35,430 --> 00:08:38,850

Мне плевать! Я тут целого человека

из себя выпихиваю...

00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:43,900

...а вы никак не облегчаете процесс!

Пошли вон!

00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:47,030

- Спасибо огромное.

- Вот что ты наделал!

00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,360

- Слушай...

- Вон!

00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,240

Дышите! Дышите! Дышите!

00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:01,210

Что это такое?

00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:03,790

Там что-то взорвалось!

00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,050

Просто у нее воды отошли.

Успокойтесь!

00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:09,550

Воды отошли? Это что такое?

Вы о чем? Какие воды?

00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,220

Дышите. Дышите. Дышите

00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,640

Да брось ты!

Это всё целиком твоя вина!

00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,970

Почему? Почему это моя вина?

00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:21,560

Кэрол никогда меня не выгоняла,

пока тебя не было

00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:25,810

Да? Кэрол много чего еще

не делала, пока меня не было

00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:29,570

- Ты чего, умничаешь, да?

- А ты перестань от меня

шарахаться!

00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,910

Эй! Ладно! Всё!

00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,620

С меня хватит! Ступайте туда!

Пошли

00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:38,330

Господи, ребята!

От вас можно с ума сойти!

00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:41,620

В этом самом здании на свет

появляются дети...

00:09:41,870 --> 00:09:45,330

...и первым звуком в их жизни

не должен быть шум вашей ссоры!

00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:49,590

- Поэтому прекратите орать! Хватит!

- Да уж, Сюзан!

00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:56,100

Не заставляй меня всё это повторять!

Мне не нравится такой мой голос!

00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:03,730

Так, кто хочет узнать

об иронии судьбы?

00:10:08,490 --> 00:10:10,530

- На помощь!

- Сюда!

00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:10,580

- У меня там ребенок рождается!

- Эй! На помощь!

- На помощь!

- Сюда!

00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:13,100

- У меня там ребенок рождается!

- Эй! На помощь!

00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:13,950

Так, а ну отойдите все назад

- У меня там ребенок рождается!

- Эй! На помощь!

00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:16,100

Так, а ну отойдите все назад

00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:25,210

Где-же-о-ни?

00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:27,750

Нет, милая, их нет, но

не волнуйся, мы их найдем

00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:32,880

А до тех пор мы все будем с тобой.

Ладно? - Ладно! - Ладно? - Ладно!

00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:36,390

Так вы рассказывали про Париж.

Мне так интересно!

00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:41,220

Значит, там была маленькая

паштетная прямо возле гостиницы...

00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:44,560

Спокойно, дорогая моя

00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,940

Давай, Лидия, ты сможешь!

Тужься!

00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:49,980

Тужься-тужься, тужься-тужься.

По-шел, по-шел!

00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,490

Тужься-тужься, тужься-тужься.

У-шел!

00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:55,490

Хва-таем мяч, бе-жим вперед!

Хей-хей! Хоу-хоу!

00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:58,320

А сейчас...

00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,080

Я просто... Да ладно

00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:05,160

Тужься, тужься, тужься!

00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:09,630

Что ты собрался делать -

высосать дверь?

00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:14,220

На помощь! На помощь!

00:11:14,470 --> 00:11:18,510

"Трупы нашли через несколько дней"

00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:24,230

"Трупы нашли через несколько..."

00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,690

Мама, всё идет нормально, правда

00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,110

Да, у Росса всё в порядке

00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,610

Он совершенно не здесь!

00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,780

Нет, его нет

00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,200

Нет, тебе не нужно поворачивать

назад. Правда!

00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:42,870

Что значит: "Это может быть

твой единственный шанс"?

00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,040

Ты прекратишь? Мне всего 26

00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:49,630

Я... я вообще еще не думала

о детях

00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:05,390

- Ты где был?

- А, у меня только что родился ребенок.

00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,600

Мазлтов!

00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:13,570

Не знаю. Может, час, а может, три

00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,070

Но успокойтесь. Все идет нормально

00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:21,490

Так скажите мне... вы сейчас...

ни с кем не встречаетесь?

00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,990

Нет! Прямо сейчас - ни с кем

00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,160

А... а вы?

00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:28,830

Нет. Мне обычно нелегко вытащить

женщину на свидание

00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,920

Да, я слышала, это бывает

с симпатичными врачами

00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:38,760

Нет, правда. Это, наверное, потому,

что я провожу слишком много времени...

00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,800

...сами понимаете где

00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,350

Я пытаюсь не смешивать работу

и личную жизнь

00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,850

Но это трудно, когда занимаешься...

00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:51,600

...тем, чем я. Это наподобие...

00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,190

Вот, например, вы кем работаете?

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,860

- Я - официантка.

- Ну вот.

00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,530

Бывает так, что вы приходите

с работы в конце дня...

00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,860

...и думаете типа того:

00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:06,370

"Если я сейчас увижу

еще одну чашку кофе"...

00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,710

Я вас поняла

00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:18,670

- Пойду посмотрю вашу подругу.

- Ладно... Валяйте.

00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:27,560

Как ты вообще узнал,

что я здесь?

00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:29,480

Твоя мать мне позвонила

00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:31,560

Так это она?

00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:35,110

Нет, это я напрокат взяла

00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:38,650

Слушай, прости меня, что тебе

пришлось всё делать самой

00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:45,450

Я была не сама. У меня был врач,

сестра и... хороший помощник

00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:47,580

Ты видел, кто выиграл матч?

00:13:47,830 --> 00:13:52,250

Да. "Никс" с перевесом в 10 очков.

Они - пижоны

00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:55,380

Вообще они неплохо играют

00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:19,190

Давай! Давай!

00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:21,440

Черт! Черт!

00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,950

Черт, черт!

Это всё ты виновата!

00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,700

Это должен был быть величайший

день в моей жизни!

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,450

У меня рождается сын,

я должен быть с ним!

00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:32,040

А вместо этого я застрял

в кладовке с тобой!

00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:35,460

Моя любимая рожает! Я ждала этого

так же долго, как и ты!

00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:38,880

Поверь мне, никто не ждал этого

так, как я, понятно?

00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:40,380

И знаешь, что смешно?

00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:44,130

Когда всё кончится, вы поедете

домой с ребенком. А что я?

00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,720

Ты будешь отцом ребенка!

Это почётно!

00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:49,890

А кто такая я? Есть День отцов!

Есть День матерей!

00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,480

А Дня лесбийских сожительниц

нету!

00:14:52,730 --> 00:14:56,690

У вас каждый день -

день лесбийских сожительниц!

00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:01,280

Как это всё классно!

00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,990

Не хочешь объясниться?

00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,410

Просто когда я была ребенком,

мой отец ушел...

00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:13,410

...а мать умерла, а отчим

сел в тюрьму, так что...

00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:17,500

...из кусочков моих родителей

не получилось бы и одного целого

00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,000

А тут у новорожденного

есть целых три родителя...

00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:25,090

...которые прямо подраться готовы

за то, кто его больше любит...

00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:27,760

...хотя он еще даже не родился!

00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:32,020

Это просто самый счастливый

ребенок во всем мире

00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:36,730

Прошу прощения. Вы там ссорились

00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:38,940

Где они?

00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:42,030

- Уверена, они скоро придут.

- Милая, они этого не пропустят.

00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:48,610

Успокойся! У тебя всего девять

сантиметров, и ребенок пока

на исходной позиции

00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:54,040

Ты меня серьезно пугаешь

00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:58,290

Кто-нибудь, помогите.

Мне вырывают сердце!

00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:03,420

Ну вот, прекрасно!

Никто не видел здесь сосок?

00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:06,300

Десять сантиметров. Ну, поехали

00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,380

Всё, лапочка. Пора тужиться!

00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:09,720

Но они еще не пришли!

00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,310

Извини, не могу попросить

ребенка подождать их

00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,930

О боже!

00:16:18,810 --> 00:16:20,650

Так, люк открыли

00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,230

Привет, я - Бен

00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,320

Я - работник больницы Бен

00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:29,820

Бен спешит на выручку!

00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:32,410

- Бен, ты готов?

- Ага.

00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:33,990

Отлично, давай ногу

00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,410

На счет "три", Бен.

Раз, два, три.

00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:42,500

Пошел, Бен. Хорошо. Так, Бен

00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:45,000

Что ты там видишь?

00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:48,340

Сюзан, я вижу нечто похожее

на темную трубу

00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,680

Стоп!

00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:54,510

Да, это на самом деле

и есть темная труба!

00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:00,350

Фибс, нас открыли! Открыли!

00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:02,520

Подождите!

00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:05,610

Вы забыли свои ноги!

00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:07,030

Тужься! Тужься!

00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,110

Мы пришли! Мы здесь!

00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,780

Где вас носило?

00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,030

Это долгая история, милая

00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,200

Так, Кэрол, продолжаем тужиться.

А сейчас...

00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:19,830

Извините, можно мне это?

00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:24,710

Так-так, здесь слишком много людей!

Тем более сейчас будет одним больше!

00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,460

Так что все, кто не бывший муж

и не лесбийская сожительница...

00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,470

...выйдите вон!

00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:33,550

- Всё, пока!

- Удачи вам, друзья!

00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:37,640

Можно вопрос - а обязательно быть

лесбийской сожительницей Кэрол?

00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,690

Вон!

00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,730

Так-так, он идет!

00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:47,280

Дайте посмотреть! Я должен видеть,

должен видеть!

00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,740

Ого, голова!

00:17:51,990 --> 00:17:55,490

Какая огромная!

Кэрол, как ты это делаешь?

00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,740

Ты не облегчаешь мне задачу!

00:17:57,990 --> 00:17:59,750

Все отлично! Все идет хорошо!

00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,910

- Аллё?

- Ой, извините!

00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,170

Что ты видишь? Что ты видишь?

00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:06,670

Вышла головка. Вышли плечики,

ручки. Вышли...

00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,880

Ой, какие маленькие пальчики!

00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,010

Грудь, животик...

00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:15,760

...и это мальчик, точно мальчик!

00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:19,680

Попка, коленки, ножки

00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,110

Он уже здесь!

00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:29,360

Это целый человек!

00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,200

- Ой, вы посмотрите!

- А на кого он похож?

00:18:32,450 --> 00:18:36,450

На моего дядю Эда,

вымазанного вареньем

00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,330

Правда?

00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:40,870

Ой, ребята, он такой красивый!

00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,210

Спасибо, Фибс!

00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:54,220

Не будем ссориться, но мы еще

не выбрали имя для этого

маленького человечка

00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:56,890

Как насчет "Бен"?

00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:58,890

"Бен" мне нравится

00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:01,930

Бен... Бен

00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,810

"Бен" будет хорошо

00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:07,980

Почему ты раньше не предлагал

"Бен"?

00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,650

Да мы... только что придумали

00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,490

Этим-то мы там и занимались

00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:21,120

- Можно войти?

- Да, давайте. Входите.

00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,580

Да, да, это он

00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,760

Народ, я хочу вас кое с кем

познакомить

00:19:33,010 --> 00:19:34,340

Это Бен

00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,590

Привет, Бен

00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,510

Бен, это все

00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,810

Сюзан, он - вылитая ты

00:19:44,020 --> 00:19:45,600

Спасибо

00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:49,190

О боже! Не верится, что у одного

из нас уже есть такой

00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,440

Ага. Например, я еще сам такой

00:19:55,950 --> 00:19:58,660

Можно?

00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:03,620

Так, головку. Нужно...

00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,210

Я твоя тетя Моника! Это я!

00:20:13,460 --> 00:20:17,010

Я твоя тетя Моника!

00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:24,470

И у меня всегда будет жвачка

00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,410

Бен...

00:20:29,410 --> 00:20:29,560

...Хочу, чтобы ты знал,

что время от времени...

Бен...

00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,250

...Хочу, чтобы ты знал,

что время от времени...

00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,250

...меня не будет рядом...

00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,710

...вот так

00:20:40,010 --> 00:20:43,510

Но потом я все равно вернусь...

00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,430

...вот так

00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,430

А еще иногда меня не будет

довольно долго...

00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,520

...вот так

00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:59,990

Но потом я все равно вернусь...

00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:03,740

...вот так

00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:09,700

И не забывай врываться на

третью базу, а я сделаю тебе так

00:21:17,630 --> 00:21:19,550

Он такой замечательный!

00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:24,010

Это точно. Какой малыш!

00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:29,060

Никакой реакции

00:21:29,310 --> 00:21:32,730

По-моему, это не его имя

00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:35,850

Смотрите, он закрывает глаза

00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:40,230

Смотрите, он открывает глаза

00:21:41,070 --> 00:21:43,490

Пока что он умеет немного, а?

00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:47,530

Не-а. Это практически и всё

00:21:53,830 --> 00:21:57,130

Может, ребята, пойдем кофе выпьем?

00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:01,090

Пока, ребята, увидимся позже

00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:36,290

Смотрите, он опять закрывает глаза