Эпизод с младенцем в автобусе

00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:08,799

Oh,

you the winny-winny-binny-binny boy!

00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:10,050

Yes.

00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,343

[CRYING]

00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,595

Don't cry.

00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:17,307

Don't cry, huh?

00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,727

Why is he still crying?

00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,062

Let me hold him for a sec.

00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,189

Here we go. Huh?

00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:25,983

Huh. There we are.

00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:27,484

[CHUCKLES]

00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:28,902

Maybe it's me.

00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:33,115

Don't be silly. Ben loves you.

He's just being Mr. Cranky Pants.

00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:36,285

You know, I once dated

a Miss Cranky Pants.

00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:40,289

Lovely girl. Kind of moody.

00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,416

There we go, all better.

00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,960

There's my little boy. Eh.

00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,420

[CRYlNG]

00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,589

[CHUCKLES]

00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,719

Can l, uh, see something?

00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:06,565

[BEN CRlES]

00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:10,069

-Cool!

-He hates me.

00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,696

-My nephew hates me!

-Come on, don't do this.

00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,616

What if my own baby hates me, huh?

What do I do then?

00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,326

Monica, stop! This is nuts.

00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:21,205

Do you know how long it'll be

before you have to deal with this?

00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:23,999

You don't even have a boyfriend yet.

00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,463

Joey, she does not look fat.

00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:18,762

Here you go.

00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,222

Oh, hey, Mon.

00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,933

[CRlES]

00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,519

Goo, goo, goo!

00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,479

[CRlES THEN CHUCKLES]

00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:31,567

That is so funny!

Let me see that a sec. Ha-ha-ha.

00:02:31,776 --> 00:02:33,068

Whoa.

00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:37,364

[GAGGlNG]

00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,242

You okay?

00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,577

I don't know.

00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:45,289

What's in this pie?

00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:49,376

I don't know. Um, butter and eggs

and flour and lime and kiwi--

00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,587

Kiwi? Kiwi?!

00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,922

You said it was a key lime pie.

00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:58,051

No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime.

That's what makes it so special.

00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,137

That's what's gonna kill me.

00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,599

Ahem. I'm allergic to kiwi.

00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:06,894

No, you're not. You're allergic

to lobster and peanuts and--

00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,896

[GROANS]

00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,275

-Oh, my God!

-Uh. It's definitely getting worse.

00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,736

All right. Is your tongue swelling up?

00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:19,072

[lN NASALLY VOICE] Either that

or my mouth is getting smaller!

00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,825

-Get your coat. We'll to the hospital.

-Uh.

00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,286

-Will he be okay?

-He's gotta get a shot.

00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:27,873

Uh, you know, actually,

it's getting better. lt is.

00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,459

Let's not go. Anyone up for Scrabble?

00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,295

Jacket, now!

00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:37,090

What about Ben?

We can't bring a baby to the hospital.

00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,592

We'll watch him.

00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:41,470

Uh. Ha, I don't think so.

00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:46,308

What? I have seven Catholic sisters.

I've taken care of hundreds of kids.

00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,311

Come on, we want to do it.

Don't we?

00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,605

I was gonna play basketball...

00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,732

...but I guess that's out the window.

00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:58,070

If you take him out

for a walk, remember to bring his hat.

00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:01,156

There's milk in the refrigerator

and diapers in the bag.

00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,951

Hat, milk.... Got it!

00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,661

-Let's go.

-Okay.

00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,579

[SPEAKlNG INDlSTlNCTLY]

00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,836

JOEY:

Consider it done!

00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,213

You understood?

00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:19,174

My uncle Sal has a really big tongue.

00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:23,595

Is he the one

with the beautiful wife?

00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,352

Hey, Rach.

00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,021

You want to hear the song

I'm singing this afternoon?

00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:36,066

-I wrote it this morning in the shower.

-Okay.

00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,776

[PHOEBE CLEARS THROAT]

00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:42,572

[SlNGlNG]

I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song

00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:46,868

Stop me if you've heard it

00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:52,916

My skin is soapy and my hair is wet

00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:57,504

And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget

00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,049

[CHUCKLES]

00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:05,387

Uh, Rachel, sweetheart,

could I see you for a minute?

00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:08,807

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,684

RACHEL: What's up?

-Uh....

00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,728

FYl:

00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:16,982

I've decided to pay a professional

musician to play here on Sundays.

00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:21,403

Her name is Stephanie something.

Uh, she's supposed to be very good.

00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,280

But what about Phoebe?

00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:27,367

Rachel, uh,

it's not that your friend is bad.

00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:30,454

It's that she's so bad...

00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:36,626

...she makes me want to put my finger

through my eye into my brain...

00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,587

...and swirl it around.

00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,091

Okay, so you're not a fan.

00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:46,762

But, I mean, come on.

You cannot do this to her.

00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,388

Uh.

00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,515

Oh, no, no, no.

00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:52,434

-I have to do this to her?

-Mm-hm.

00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,770

Lather, rinse, repeat

00:05:54,937 --> 00:06:00,817

And lather, rinse, repeat

00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,778

As needed

00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,078

We didn't bring enough stuff.

00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,747

Did you forget to pack

the baby's anvil?

00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,999

I'm telling you, it'll be worth it.

00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:19,252

It's a known fact

that women love babies, all right?

00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,923

Women love guys who love babies.

It's the sensitive thing.

00:06:23,758 --> 00:06:27,636

Aim him at that pack of babes.

Maybe one of them will break away.

00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,765

Wait, forget them.

We got one. Hard left.

00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,725

-Give me the baby.

-No, I got him.

00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,185

Come on, seriously.

00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:37,229

Oh, seriously, you want him?

00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,314

Hello.

00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,024

BOTH:

Hello.

00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,652

Who is this little cutie-pie?

00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,655

Well, don't think me immodest, but...

00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,281

...me.

00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,533

[CHUCKLES]

00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,784

Want to smell him?

00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,120

I assume we're talking

about the baby?

00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,664

Oh, yeah. Ha, ha.

00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:59,126

He's got that great baby smell.

Get a whiff of his head.

00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,044

[SNIFFS]

00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:03,213

My uterus just skipped a beat.

00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:05,674

[WHlSPERS]

What'd I tell you?

00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,384

It's great you're doing this.

00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,928

Well, we are great guys.

00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,056

My brother and his boyfriend

have been trying to adopt.

00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,016

What agency did you two go through?

00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,479

[BEN WHlMPERS]

00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,982

But this is my gig.

00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,483

This is where I play.

00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,361

My name is written out there in chalk.

00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,156

You know, you can't just erase chalk.

00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,910

Honey, I'm sorry.

00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,371

And he's going to

be paying this woman?

00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:39,458

Why doesn't he just give her

a throne and a crown?

00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:44,754

And, like, you know, a gold stick

with a ball on top?

00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:49,134

Terry is a jerk! That's why

we always say, "Terry's a jerk!"

00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,053

That's where that came from.

00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:54,347

Yeah, okay.

00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:57,058

You probably did everything you could.

00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:02,105

You know what? Let me just

see what else I can do.

00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:04,900

All right, look, look.

00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,069

Just let her go on after

Stephanie whatever her name is.

00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:10,697

You won't be here.

You don't pay her.

00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,574

I don't know.

00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,701

I'll clean the cappuccino machine!

00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,245

You don't clean

the cappuccino machine?

00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,497

[SCOFFS]

00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,541

Of course I clean it.

00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:26,087

I mean, I will clean it.

00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:29,549

All right, fine, fine, fine!

00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,261

Oh.

00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:35,889

-Done.

-Really?

00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,641

Who's working for you, babe?

00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:41,520

-Oh, my God! This is so exciting!

RACHEL: I know.

00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,063

How much am I gonna get?

00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,606

What?

00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,317

He's paying the people

who were playing.

00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,027

Oh, no, no, no.

00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:53,281

I meant, he's paying that other woman

because she's a professional.

00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,660

I'm not gonna be the only one

who's not getting paid.

00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,161

But, Pheebs--

00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,621

Uh-uh, I'm sorry, no!

00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:04,417

No, I'm not some sloppy second,

you know, charity band.

00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,003

There are thousands of places

in this city...

00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:10,090

...where people would pay

to hear me play.

00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,175

PHOEBE [SlNGING]:

When I play, I play for me

00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:14,469

I don't need your charity

00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,929

Thank you!

00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,357

[lN NASALLY VOICE] I'm not getting a

shot. Maybe they can take the needle...

00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,860

...and squirt it into my mouth.

Like a squirt gun.

00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,447

Hello there. I'm Dr. Carlin.

00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:38,618

I see someone's having

a little allergic reaction.

00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,538

Doctor, can I see you

for just a moment?

00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:47,168

My brother has

a slight phobia about needles.

00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,337

Did you tell him

about my squirt gun idea?

00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,256

[CHUCKLES]

00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,217

My brother, the Ph.D.,

would like to know...

00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,595

...if there's any way

to treat this orally?

00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:57,846

No.

00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:02,142

Under these circumstances, it has to be

an injection, and it has to be now.

00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,603

So?

00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,438

Oh.

00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:10,817

Go and have a seat. Um, the doctor

says it's got to be a needle.

00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:15,822

You're just going to have to be brave.

Can you do that for me?

00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,450

-Okay.

-Okay.

00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,453

Oh, boy! You are doing so good.

00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,246

[CHUCKLES]

00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,165

-You want to squeeze my hand?

-Yes.

00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,376

Ross, don't squeeze it so hard.

00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,879

Honey, really.

Don't squeeze it so hard!

00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,173

[SHOUTS]

Let go of my hand!

00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,054

Good plan. Next time

we want to pick up women...

00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,140

...we should go to

the park and make out.

00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,017

Taxi! Taxi!

00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:49,064

Look at that talent.

00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,901

Just practicing. You're good.

00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,819

Carry on.

00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,030

JOEY:

Wait, wait, wait!

00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,533

Hey, you. He's just adorable.

00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:05,038

Can you tell him that?

Because he thinks he looks too pink.

00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,289

[CHUCKLES]

00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,125

-What are you guys out doing today?

-We're not out.

00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:11,252

No, no. No.

00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:14,297

We're two heterosexual guys

hanging with the son...

00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:18,176

...of our other heterosexual friend,

doing the usual straight-guy stuff.

00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,844

[CHUCKLES]

00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,263

-You done?

-Yeah.

00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:23,848

Oh, there's our stop.

00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,227

Get out of here!

This is our stop.

00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,479

-You guys live around here too?

-Yeah, sure.

00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,399

We live in the building

by the, uh, sidewalk.

00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,860

You know it?

00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:41,533

Ha, ha. Since we're neighbors, what do

you say we, uh, get together for a drink?

00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,707

So, uh, you want to go to MarkeI's?

00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,126

Oh, sure, they love us over there.

00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,044

Where's your baby?

00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,594

JOEY [SHOUTS]:

Ben! Ben!

00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:06,433

Ben! Ben!

00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:10,562

That's good. Maybe he'll

hear you and pull the cord!

00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,896

Stop the bus! Hey!

00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,525

JOEY: Hey, there's a baby!

CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait!

00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,280

[SlGHS]

00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,408

Are you sure he didn't break it?

It hurts.

00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,994

No, it's just a good bone bruise.

00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:30,749

And right here is

the puncture wound from your ring.

00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,211

-I'm really sorry.

-It's okay.

00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,504

Sorry.

00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:40,467

Hmm, sorry! I got my S's back!

Ha, ha.

00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,803

Which we can celebrate later.

00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,514

Celebrate. Celebrate....

00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,726

[SlNGlNG]

He was a double, double

00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,562

Double-jointed boy

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,565

Hey.

00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,610

So, um, are you the

professional guitar player?

00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,695

Yeah, I'm Stephanie.

00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:05,200

Oh, right. My name was on there,

but now it just says carrot cake.

00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:07,660

Okay.

00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,288

So, um,

how many chords do you know?

00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,625

- All of them.

-So you know D?

00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,920

-Yeah.

-Do you know A-minor?

00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,756

-Yeah.

-Okay.

00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,592

Do you know how to go

from D to A-minor?

00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:23,968

[SCOFFS]

00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,596

-Yeah.

-Okay.

00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,474

Um, so does your guitar have a strap?

00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:32,644

-No.

-Oh.

00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:33,978

Mine does.

00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,984

[SlNGlNG]

Stephanie knows all the chords

00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,197

Come on! Pick up, pick up!

00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,740

Hello. Ahem.

00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,826

Transit Authority? Yes, hello.

00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:50,161

I'm doing research for a book.

00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:54,165

I was wondering what somebody might

do if they left a baby on a city bus.

00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,042

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,878

Yes, I realize that would be

a stupid character.

00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,798

Here's the deal:

We lost a car seat on a bus.

00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,592

It's white plastic and

it fits onto a stroller.

00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,220

Oh, and there was a baby in it.

00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,139

He wants to talk to you.

00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:15,520

Everybody, let's give a warm

Central Perk welcome to--

00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,523

PHOEBE [SlNGING]:

Terry's a jerk and he won't let me work

00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,650

And I hate Central Perk

00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:24,988

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,448

Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer!

00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,325

Whoo!

00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,327

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:37,041

I'd like to start with a song I wrote

for the first man I ever loved.

00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:41,880

[SlNGlNG]

Zachary--

00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,258

PHOEBE [SlNGING]:

Are all invited to bite me

00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:58,062

BOTH: We're the guys that called

about the baby! ls he here?!

00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,189

-He's here.

- Aah!

00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,652

I assume one of you is the father.

00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,029

-That's me.

-I'm him.

00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:12,911

Actually, uh, ahem,

we're both the father.

00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,297

BOTH [IN UNlSON]:

Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy.

00:15:24,506 --> 00:15:26,466

[BABY BABBLlNG]

00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:30,219

[LAUGHS]

00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:33,139

Please tell me you know

which one is our baby.

00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:38,019

That one has ducks on his T-shirt

and this one has clowns.

00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,271

And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.

00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,940

Or clowns.

00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,400

Oh, wait.

00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,820

That one's Ben! Remember he had

that cute little mole by his mouth!

00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:49,072

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:51,282

Hey, Ben! Remember us?

00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,993

Okay, the mole came off.

00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,747

-What are we gonna do?

-Uh.

00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,833

We'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.

00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,127

-Flip for the baby?

-You got a better idea?

00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,046

All right, call it in the air.

00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,840

Heads.

00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,384

-Heads, it is.

-Yes.

00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:10,802

[WHlSTLES]

00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,222

We have to assign heads

to something!

00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,684

Right! Okay.

00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,352

Okay, uh....

00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:23,815

Ducks is heads

because ducks have heads.

00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,280

What kind of scary-ass clowns

came to your birthday?

00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:43,626

Just call me angel

Of the morning, angel

00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:48,631

Just touch my cheek

Before you leave me, baby

00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:53,219

Just call me angel

Of the morning, angel

00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:57,640

Then slowly turn away

00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,686

I won't beg you to stay

00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,522

With me

00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,699

-Hey

-Oh, hi.

00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,660

Here. I thought you might be cold.

00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,537

Thank you.

00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,331

Oh.

00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,546

Oh, look at you!

You did pretty well.

00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,841

$8.27.

00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,510

But not really, because

I put in the first two.

00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:40,433

Just to get the ball rolling

and to make myself feel better.

00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:41,809

Do you?

00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,436

No.

00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:47,899

You know, this whole playing

for money thing is so not good for me.

00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,652

I don't know, when l

sang "Su-su-suicide"...

00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:56,574

...I got, like, $1 .75.

00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,910

But then "Smelly Cat"? Oh.

00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,956

I got 25 cents and a condom.

00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:09,170

So, you know, now I just feel

really bad for "Smelly Cat."

00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:11,547

Well, you know.

00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:15,885

Honey, I don't think

everybody gets "Smelly Cat."

00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:22,183

I mean, if all you've ever actually

had are healthy pets, then whoosh!

00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,478

But it's not even that, you know?

00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:28,523

I used to do my songs

because it made me happy.

00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,693

Now it's just all

about the money, you know?

00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,490

Well, people missed you in there.

00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:40,910

In fact, there was actually

a request for "Smelly Cat."

00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,787

Really? From who?

00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:44,664

Well, me.

00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:50,461

And I know it's not your big

money song, but it's my favorite.

00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,549

Hi.

00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,176

Uh. Did I accidentally drop

a condom in your case?

00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,432

It's kind of an emergency.

00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,059

PHOEBE:

Yeah.

00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:06,769

-Here you go.

-Thanks a lot.

00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,230

Hey, Christine! I got it!

00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,364

I want to thank you

for being there for me.

00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,950

And I'm sorry

I almost broke your hand. Ha, ha.

00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,245

That's okay.

I'm sorry I poisoned you.

00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,705

Mm.

00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:29,167

Remember the time I jammed

that pencil into your hand?

00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:33,129

Remember it? What do

you think this is, a freckle?

00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,589

Oh.

00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:38,593

What about the time I hit you

in the face with Sylvian's pumpkin?

00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,179

Remember when I stuck

that broom in your spokes...

00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,890

...and you hit your head on the curb?

00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,308

No.

00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,143

But I remember

people telling me about it.

00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,728

Oh.

00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,731

I hope Ben has a little sister.

00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,316

Yeah.

00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,526

And I hope she can kick his ass.

00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:56,819

[CHUCKLES]

00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,863

I'm gonna get a new Band-Aid.

00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,825

How about the time I cut

the legs off your Malibu Ken?

00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:04,911

MONICA:

That was you?

00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,205

Uh.

00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:10,499

They were infected.

He wouldn't have made it.

00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,420

Aw.

00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,005

My little nephew.

00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,924

Come here, little one!

00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:22,386

Oh. There's my little baby, Ben!

00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:25,014

Hey, my little boy. Oh.

00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:29,018

Hey, he's not crying!

00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,020

[CHUCKLES]

00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,732

Hey, he's not crying!

00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,359

[CHUCKLES HESlTANTLY]

00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,902

[BEN CRYlNG]

00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:39,862

Yes.

00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:43,282

There's still pie! Ha-ha-ha.

00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:46,535

I'm here. I'm here.

00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:49,121

Uh. How's my little boy, huh?

00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:53,751

You want Daddy to change

your diaper? I know, I know.

00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:58,047

Did you have fun with, uh, Uncle Joey

and Uncle Chandler today?

00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,298

JOEY:

Oh, yeah.

00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:01,842

-He rode the bus today.

ROSS: Ooh.

00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,346

Well.

00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:08,516

Big boy riding the bus--

00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:11,018

Hey, I have a question.

00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:16,732

How come it says,

"Property of Human Services"?

00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,861

You....

00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,239

You are gonna love this.

00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,824

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,492

Can you hold Ben for a sec?

00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:28,411

Come here. Come here.

00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,664

Stay back! I've got kiwi!

Run, Joey, run!

00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:40,965

[SlNGlNG]

Smelly cat, smelly cat

00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,551

What are they feeding you?

00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,553

No, no. I'm sorry, it's, ahem:

00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:48,723

[SlNGlNG]

Smelly cat, smelly cat

00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:53,019

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:56,814

[SlNGlNG]

Smelly cat, smelly cat

00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,607

-Better!

STEPHANlE: Yeah?

00:21:58,775 --> 00:21:59,859

Much better. Good.

00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,653

Don't feel bad,

because it's a hard song.

00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:04,113

Yeah.

00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:07,533

-You want to try it again?

-From the top?

00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:09,785

There is no "top," all right?

00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:12,872

That's the beauty of "Smelly Cat."

00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:17,209

Um. Ahem.

Why don't you just follow me?

00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:18,919

-Okay.

PHOEBE: Mm-hm.

00:22:19,129 --> 00:22:22,715

BOTH [SINGlNG]:

Smelly cat, smelly cat

00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:25,801

What are they feeding you?

00:22:26,553 --> 00:22:29,513

Smelly cat, smelly cat

00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:32,808

It's not your fault

00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,103

That's too much. Sorry.

00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:46,489

[English - US - SDH]