Эпизод со списком

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Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,510

It was unbelievable!

00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,763

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,390

We wanna hear everything.

00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,600

Monica, get the wine

and unplug the phone.

00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,436

-Okay.

-Rachel.

00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,896

Does this end well

or do we need to get tissues?

00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,275

-Oh, it ended very well.

-Oh.

00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:29,361

Do not start without me!

Do not start without me!

00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,239

Okay. All right.

Let's hear about the kiss.

00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,867

Was it like a soft brush

against your lips...

00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,704

...or was it like a, you know,

"l gotta have you now" kind of thing?

00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:43,250

Well, at first it was really intense,

you know? And then....

00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:46,295

Oh, God. And then we just

sort of sunk into it.

00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:50,674

Oh.... So, okay, was he holding you?

Or were his hands on your back?

00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:54,386

No, actually, ahem, first

they started out on my waist...

00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,181

...and then they slid up

and then they were in my hair.

00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,599

-Oh.

PHOEBE: Oh.

00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:01,602

And, uh....

00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:02,978

And then I kissed her.

00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,271

Tongue?

00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,023

-Yeah.

-Cool.

00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,073

All right, check out this bad boy!

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Twelve megabytes of RAM,

500-megabyte hard drive...

00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,662

...built-in spreadsheet capabilities...

00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:05,833

...and a modem that transmits

at over 28,000 BPS.

00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,876

Wow. What are you gonna use it for?

00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,546

Games and stuff.

00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,092

There are no jobs.

There are no jobs for me.

00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,553

Oh, wait, here's one. Uh....

00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,974

-Would you be willing to cook naked?

-There's an ad for a naked chef?

00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:27,104

No, but if you're willing to cook naked,

then you might be willing to dance naked.

00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,565

- And then....

-Mm.

00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,650

-Hi.

-Hey.

00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,486

MONICA: Hey.

-Oh, so how'd you make out last night?

00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,868

That is funny.

That is painfully funny.

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No, wait, wait.

00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:44,997

Yeah, that's just painful.

00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,333

Wait a minute.

I thought last night was great.

00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,502

Yeah, it was.

But I get home, okay...

00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,755

...and I see Julie's saline solution

on my night table...

00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,466

...and I think, "Oh, my God.

What the hell am I doing?"

00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,553

I mean, here I am with Julie,

this incredible, great woman...

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...who I care about

and who cares about me...

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...and am I just gonna

throw all that away?

00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,436

You got all that

from saline solution?

00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:12,232

Wait a minute. We're talking

about Rachel here. You and Rachel.

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Believe me, I've been dreaming

about me and Rachel for 1 0 years.

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But now I'm with Julie.

00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,407

You know? So it's like, me and Julie,

me and Rachel.

00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,784

Me and Julie, me and Rach--

00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,578

Rachel! Rachel.

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-Hey, you.

-How are you?

00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,583

Good. How are you?

00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,084

-Good. Um....

RACHEL: Good.

00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,712

-Hi, honey.

-Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie?

00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,464

ROSS:

Julie!

00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,425

Um, how are you?

00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,052

-Good.

ROSS: Good.

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So everybody's here.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Everybody's good.

00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,228

Were you gonna play something?

00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,313

-Oh. Well, actually--

-Play it!

00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,564

PHOEBE:

Oh.

00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,859

All right.

00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,903

-Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.

-What?

00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,613

Shh.

00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,658

PHOEBE:

Okay. Um, hi.

00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,410

Hello. Hi. Okay.

00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,954

So, um.... Ahem.

00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:10,207

This is a song, um,

about a love triangle...

00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,417

...between three people I made up.

00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,129

[GUlTAR STRUMMlNG]

00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,049

Um, it's called, um,

"Two of Them Kissed Last Night."

00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:26,223

[SlNGlNG] There was a girl

we'll call her Betty

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And a guy

Let's call him Neil

00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:34,273

Now I can't stress

This point too strongly

00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,442

This story isn't real

00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:44,658

Now our Neil must decide

Who will be the girl that he casts aside?

00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,077

will Betty be the one

Who he loves truly?

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Or will it be the one

Who we'll call Loolie?

00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,586

He must decide

He must decide

00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:02,217

Even though I made him up

He must decide

00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,846

Well, this is a nice resume.

00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,097

[MONlCA CHUCKLES]

00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,890

Nice, nice, nice.

00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,560

[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH

THEN CHUCKLES]

00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:16,356

Uh, Mr. Rastatter, what does this

job entail? The ad wasn't clear.

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Mockolate.

00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,194

-I'm sorry?

-Mockolate.

00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,613

It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.

00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,657

Ooh.

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[BOTH CHUCKLE]

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-Well, go ahead, try a piece.

-Oh.

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Yeah, we think that Mockolate

is even better than chocolate.

00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,124

-All right.

-Ha, ha.

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Mm.

00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,673

Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.

00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,258

I love how it crumbles.

00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,593

[CHUCKLES]

00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,637

-You see, chocolate doesn't do that.

-Ha-ha-ha. No, ma'am.

00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,641

Anyhoo, we should be getting

our FDA approval any day now.

00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,143

RASTATTER:

Ha-ha-ha.

00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,812

-Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving.

-Mm.

00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,482

See, the way we look at it,

chocolate dominates...

00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:02,569

...your major food-preparation holidays.

Easter, Christmas, what have you.

00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,864

-Mm-hm.

-But we think given the right marketing...

00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,575

...we can make Thanksgiving

the Mockolate holiday.

00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,078

Wow.

00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,914

-Aren't you gonna swallow that?

-Ha, ha.

00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,042

-Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.

-Oh.

00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,668

Yeah. lsn't that great?

00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,004

-Mm.

RASTATTER: Ha-ha-ha.

00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,589

Well, anyhoo, um...

00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:26,218

...we're looking for chefs who can

create Thanksgiving-themed recipes.

00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,677

You interested?

00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,304

Abso--

00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,264

Ahem. --lutely!

00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:32,974

[RASTATTER CHUCKLES]

00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:36,686

See, I love creating new recipes,

I love Thanksgiving, and, well, now...

00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,105

...I love Mockolate.

00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,398

-Really?

-Mm.

00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,275

Especially that aftertaste.

You know, I tell you...

00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,985

...that'll last you till Christmas.

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[RASTATTER LAUGHS]

00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,617

How about Mockolate mousse?

00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,285

It's not...

00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,121

...very Thanksgiving-y.

00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,124

Okay, how about

Pilgrim Mockolate mousse?

00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,251

What makes it Pilgrim?

00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,003

We'll put buckles on it.

00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:03,797

-Hey.

-Hey.

00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,216

-Hey.

-Did Ross call?

00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,135

MONICA:

No, I'm sorry.

00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,470

Why didn't he call?

00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,514

He's gonna stay with Julie.

00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,850

He's gonna stay with her

and she'll be:

00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,352

[lN HlGH-PlTCHED VOICE]

"Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me.

00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,690

We'll get married and have lots

of kids and dig up stuff together!"

00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,027

No offense, but that

sounds nothing like her.

00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,993

I don't know what I'll do. What am I gonna

do? This is like a complete nightmare!

00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:37,330

Oh, I know. This must be so hard.

"Oh, no! Two women love me!

00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,918

They're both gorgeous and sexy,

my wallet's too small for my 50s...

00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,629

...and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:50,010

-Hey, here's a thought, Ross--

-Don't ever touch the computer.

00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,847

Ross, listen.

I got two words for you:

00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,807

Threesome.

00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,022

Right, look. Let's get logical

about this. We'll make a list.

00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,815

"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons."

00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,066

[ROSS SlGHS]

00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:07,068

-Oh.

-Oh.

00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,573

We'll put their names

in bold with different fonts...

00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,326

...and I can use different

colors for each column.

00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,869

Can't we just use a pen?

00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,246

No, Amish boy.

00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,751

Let's start with the cons

because they're more fun.

00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,753

Ha-ha-ha. Rachel first.

00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:26,046

[SlGHS]

00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,297

I don't know.

00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,632

I mean....

00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:33,386

All right, I guess you can say

she's a little spoiled sometimes.

00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,679

You could say that.

00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,431

ROSS:

Yeah.

00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,310

I guess, you know, sometimes

she's a little ditzy, you know?

00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:41,645

[CHUCKLES]

00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,606

And I've seen her be a little

too into her looks.

00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,442

Uh. Oh, and Julie and I have

a lot in common...

00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,612

...because we're both

paleontologists, right?

00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,614

But RacheI's just a waitress.

00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,199

Waitress.

00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,785

Got it.

You guys wanna play "Doom"?

00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,790

Or we could keep doing this.

00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,918

What else?

00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,878

I don't know.

00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,255

[ROSS SlGHS]

00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:11,049

Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.

00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,219

CHANDLER:

Okay, let's do Julie.

00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,762

What's wrong with her?

00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,974

[SlGHS]

00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,810

She's not Rachel.

00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:28,483

MONICA: Okay. This is pumpkin pie

with a Mockolate crust.

00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:32,362

This is Mockolate cranberry cake,

and these are Mockolate-chip cookies.

00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,781

Just like the lndians served.

00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,244

Oh, my God!

00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,495

"Oh, my God" good?

00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:44,457

Oh, my God! I can't believe

you let me put this in my mouth.

00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,750

Oh! Ugh!

00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:49,004

Sweet Lord!

Oh, this is what evil must taste like!

00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:56,886

I'm telling you, this thing won't print.

00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,682

Yes, I pressed that button, like, 1 00 times.

00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,976

You know, for a hotline,

you're not so hot.

00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,147

What is that in the background?

00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,815

Are you watching Star Trek?

00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,614

Hey.

00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,533

So how'd it go with Julie?

Did you break her heart?

00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:19,826

Yes.

00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:24,497

It was horrible. She cried, I cried.

She threw things, they hit me.

00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,207

Mm.

00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,668

I did the right thing.

00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,504

So Spock actually hugs his father?

00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,508

Hey, do you guys have--?

00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:39,095

-Hi.

-Hi.

00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,430

Where you going?

00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,516

I just got back from, uh....

00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,560

From Julie's.

00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,021

Oh.

00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,272

No, no.

00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,274

Uh, it's not what you think. Um....

00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,026

It's the other thing.

00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:03,161

Well, heh, ahem, what's the other thing?

What do I think?

00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:05,246

[ROSS SlGHS]

00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,748

Well, uh....

00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,166

He broke up with Julie!

00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,542

[JOEY CHUCKLES]

00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,837

Well, go hug her, for God's sakes!

00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,215

Really?

00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,466

Really.

00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,344

It's always been you, Rach.

00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,262

Oh, God.

00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,770

BOTH:

Oh.

00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,774

Oh.

00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,567

Oh, this is good.

00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,945

-This is really good.

-I know. I know.

00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,988

It's almost....

00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,456

What do you say we go take a walk?

Just us. Not them.

00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,167

-Okay. Let me get my coat.

-Okay. No, hey, whoa, whoa.

00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,545

I'll get your coat.

00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,922

Okay.

00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,882

[GlGGLES]

00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,139

He's going to get my coat.

He's going to get my coat, Joey!

00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:08,685

Oh, my God, you guys, I can't believe this!

This is unbelievable!

00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,938

-What's that?

CHANDLER: What? Nothing!

00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:16,860

-What? I saw my name. What is it?

-No, no, see? See?

00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:20,947

Hey, it's printing!

00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,450

What is it? Let me see!

00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,243

Hey, someone order a coat?

00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,747

Ross, Chandler wrote something about me

and he won't let me see.

00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,082

He won't? He won't!

00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,461

Because isn't that...

00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,838

...the short story you were writing?

00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,091

Yes, it is a short story...

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,676

...that I was writing.

00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,762

And I'm in it? Well, let me read it.

00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,638

[lN UNISON]

No!

00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:51,019

-Come on!

-Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?

00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,697

All right.

00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,748

[CHANDLER CLEARS THROAT]

00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,500

"lt was summer.

00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,420

And it was hot.

00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:18,797

[SlGHS]

00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,215

-Rachel was there.

-Eh?

00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,133

[ROSS CHUCKLES]

00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,221

A lonely gray couch.

00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:27,680

[GRUNTS]

00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,766

'Oh, look!' cried Ned.

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,561

And then the kingdom was his forever.

The end!"

00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,527

That's it? That's all you wrote?

You're the worst writer in the world!

00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,446

This isn't funny anymore.

00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:47,659

There's something about me

on that piece of paper, and I want to see it.

00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,661

No, you don't.

00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:55,416

All right, you know what? Fine.

If you guys wanna be children, that's fine.

00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,835

-I do not need to see it!

-Ha!

00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,127

No, no, no!

00:13:58,295 --> 00:13:59,921

CHANDLER:

Go, go, go!

00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,716

JOEY:

Ooh.

00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:04,968

What is this?

00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,219

CHANDLER:

That is....

00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,720

JOEY: No, no, no.

ROSS: Ah....

00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:08,972

Ross, what is this?

00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,432

CHANDLER: Thank you.

JOEY: Good luck.

00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:17,647

Okay. Just remember how crazy

I am about you, okay?

00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,982

"Kind of ditzy"?

00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,317

Ahem. "Too into her looks"?

00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,778

"Spoiled"?

00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,489

A little spoiled. He was supposed

to type "little," the idiot!

00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:27,949

[CHUCKLES]

00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:30,952

"Just a waitress"?

00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,122

Now, that was, uh....

00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,958

I mean, as opposed to, uh....

00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,295

The, um.... Okay, is this over yet? Rach?

00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:44,340

Ah! I do not have chubby ankles!

00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,842

No! I-- No. Rach, Rach....

00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:49,262

Okay, look at the other side.

Look at Julie's column.

00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,514

"She's not Rachem"?

00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:53,975

-No--

-What the helI's a Rachem?

00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,769

-No, no--

-Is that some stupid paleontology word...

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,355

...that I wouldn't know

because I'm just a waitress?

00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,608

No. Rach, come on! Rach--

00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,443

Rach! Rach! No, no!

00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,778

It's "She's not Rachel"!

She's not....

00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,531

[LOCK CLICKS]

00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,451

Rachel?

00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,665

My diary. My diary! That's brilliant!

00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,877

If I'd said it was my diary,

she wouldn't have made me read it.

00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:26,257

No, that's true. You'd be a great person

to have around the day after an emergency.

00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,636

I cannot believe Ross

even made this list.

00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,722

-I know.

-What a dinkus!

00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,601

Hey, cut him some slack.

It was Chandler's idea.

00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,186

-What?

-What?

00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,980

Oh, good. I was hoping

that would come up.

00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,441

-This was your idea?

PHOEBE: What?

00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:48,196

Let's get some perspective here, okay?

These things happen for a reason.

00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,572

Yeah. You!

00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,324

[PHOEBE SCOFFS]

00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:55,745

All right, Pheebs, back me up here.

You believe in that karma crap, don't you?

00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,832

Yeah. Listen, by the way, good luck

in your next life as a dung beetle.

00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,554

[GRUNTS]

00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,769

ROSS:

Rach! Whoa--

00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,354

Rach!

00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,023

Hey! Uh, open up! Please?

00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:28,152

When somebody does not buzz you in,

Ross, that means, "Go away."

00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,697

That doesn't mean,

"Climb up the fire escape."

00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,449

I just want to read you something,

your "Pro List."

00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,243

Not interested.

00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,869

Okay, okay.

00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:40,373

"Number one:

the way you cry at game shows. Aw.

00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:44,335

Number two:

how much you love your friends.

00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,589

Number three: the way you play

with your hair when you're nervous.

00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,677

Number four: how brave you are

for starting your life over.

00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:56,055

Number five:

how great you are with Ben.

00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,600

Number six: the way you smell."

00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,311

What are you doing?

00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,397

Joey, you wanna open the window?

00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,524

Oh, yeah.

00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,569

-What are you doing out there?

-I'm, um....

00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,280

My gosh, you must be freezing.

You know what you need?

00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:16,075

How about a nice, steaming

cup of hot Mockolate?

00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:20,955

Rach, come on, open up.

00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,248

[ROSS PANTlNG]

00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,293

Rach, come on. Come on.

You gotta give me another chance.

00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,211

No.

00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,547

-No?

-That's what I said.

00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:30,923

Maybe we should go.

00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,217

No, you don't have to go.

We're done talking.

00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,011

Rach, come on.

I know how you must--

00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,929

No, you don't, Ross.

00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:41,434

Imagine the worst things

you think about yourself.

00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,897

Now, how would you feel if the one person

that you trusted the most in the world...

00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,774

...not only thinks them too...

00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:51,986

...but actually uses them

as reasons not to be with you.

00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:56,616

No, but see, I wanna be with you

in spite of all those things.

00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,161

Oh. Well, that's mighty big of you, Ross.

00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,038

I said, don't go!

00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,209

You know what?

00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:11,339

If things were the other way around,

there is nothing you could put on a list...

00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,300

...that would ever make me

not wanna be with you.

00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:18,221

Well, then I guess that's

the difference between us.

00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,057

See, I'd never make a list.

00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:41,077

I never know how long you're supposed to

wait in this situation before you can talk.

00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,664

Maybe a little longer.

00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,339

In some of these recipes,

the quantities may seem a little unusual.

00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,425

Uh, like these coconut Mockolate

holiday nut bars?

00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,804

I've indicated four cups of coconut

and four cups of crushed nuts...

00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,224

...and only one tablespoon

of Mockolate.

00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,434

Doesn't matter.

00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:06,769

What?

00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,397

Our FDA approval didn't come through.

00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,525

Something about laboratory rats.

Huh.

00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,902

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,404

Yeah.

00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,406

Well, anyhoo, here's your check.

00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,200

Thank you for all

you went through.

00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:22,535

[RASTATTER CHUCKLES]

00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:26,622

Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it

while you were cooking, did you?

00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,374

Well, I ate some.

00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,835

Oh, some. That's fine. Some's not a lot.

00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,420

-Ha-ha-ha.

-Okay.

00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,590

So it doesn't burn

when you pee, does it?

00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:47,018

[PHONE RINGS]

00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,896

Hello.

00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,189

Hi.

00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,817

Is that him again?

00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,779

Tell him I'd come to the phone,

but my ankles are weighing me down.

00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,618

Listen, I don't think this is the best time.

00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:06,787

Look, can you do something for me?

00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,915

Sure. What?

00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,417

Okay.

00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,920

All right.

00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,466

Music?

00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,885

-Sure.

-Okay.

00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:26,557

[UPBEAT MUSlC PLAYS ON RADlO]

00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,852

WOMAN [ON RADlO]: The next one's

dedicated to Rachel from Ross.

00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,855

Rachel, he wants you to know

he's sorry for what he did...

00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:36,275

...and he hopes you can

find it in your heart to forgive him.

00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:40,863

[ON RADIO]

See the stone set in your eyes

00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,951

See the thorn twist in your side

00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:49,247

I'll wait for you

00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,546

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:03,135

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:07,556

And I'll wait without you

00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,809

WOMAN [ON RADlO]: Uh,

we've just gotten a call from Rachel...

00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,687

...and she told us what Ross did.

00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,815

It's pretty appalling.

And, Ross, if you're listening...

00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:19,151

...l don't wanna play

your song anymore.

00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,368

why don't we devote our time

to a couple that stands a chance?

00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:30,037

Avery, Michelle's sorry

she hit you with her car...

00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:32,331

...and she hopes you two

will work it out.

00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:36,043

[ON RADIO]

There's a room where

00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:39,588

I can go and

00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:45,177

Tell my secrets to

00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:55,563

In my room

00:21:55,731 --> 00:22:02,570

In my room, in my room

00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,614

In my room

00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:07,575

Hi.

00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:09,076

Thanks for coming in again.

00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:11,746

Oh, not at all. I have no morals,

and I need the cash.

00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:14,081

It's like I'm looking in a mirror.

Ha-ha-ha.

00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:18,419

Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios.

00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:22,131

Now, they taste exactly

like pistachios...

00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,467

...but they're made

of reconstituted fish bits.

00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,428

Here, try one.

00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,681

-All right.

-You're not allergic to anything?

00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:33,976

-Uh, cat hair.

-Oh, sorry.

00:22:44,279 --> 00:22:46,280

[English - US - SDH]