Эпизод после Суперкубка, Часть 2

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Closed set. We know. But we're

friends with the monkey, hmm?

00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,841

[CHUCKLES]

00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,259

Good morning.

00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,052

Look who ! brought!

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Your old friend, Harry Elafonte!

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Whoa, dude. Burn!

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I don't get it.

00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,732

He seemed so happy

to see me yesterday.

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Don't take it personal. He's under pressure,

starring in a movie and all.

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Oh.

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How big of a star is Marcel?

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In human terms? I'd say...

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-...Cybill Shepherd.

ROSS: Whoa.

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RACHEL: Really?

JOEY: Whoa.

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So you guys in the movie

or you just really paranoid?

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-Hey, Sal?

-Mm-hm?

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Jerry wants to know

if the monkey's ready.

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JOEY:

Excuse me?

00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:54,178

Jerry is the director?

Which one's he?

00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:57,139

-The one in the director's chair?

JOEY: Gotcha.

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[WH!SPER!NG]

Pheebs, walk with me.

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Okay.

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Um, why am I walking with you?

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[!N NORMAL VOICE] Well, uh, we're just going

over here so that we can get away from...

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...the horrible flesh-eating virus!

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For the love of God, woman,

listen to me!

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Is he looking? ls he looking?

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SUSlE: We've got a problem.

-Tell me.

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[SUSIE SlGHS]

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I can't do Chris' makeup.

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She refuses to acknowledge

her mustache.

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-Is it bad?

-It looks like her eyebrow fell down.

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Unless we convince her

to let me bleach it...

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...Jean-Claude Van Damme will be

making out with Gabe Kaplan.

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I'll talk to her.

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I hate actors.

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Nice camouflage. For a minute there,

I almost didn't see you.

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-Excuse me. Whoa.

- Ah!

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[BOTH LAUGH!NG]

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Uh, is your name Chandler?

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Uh, yes, it is.

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Chandler Bing.

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Do you know me or are you

just really good at this game?

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I'm Susie Moss.

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Fourth grade? Glasses?

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I carried a box of animal crackers

like a purse?

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Susie Moss!

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Right! Yeah! Wow!

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You look....

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Great job growing up.

00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:09,730

It's nice to see you don't still

wear the cap with the mirrors on it.

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Oh, I graduated fourth grade

and realized ! wasn't a pimp.

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Heh, heh. Remember the class play?

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You pulled up my skirt and the

entire auditorium saw my underpants?

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[BOTH LAUGH!NG]

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Yes. Back then, l, uh, used humor

as a defense mechanism.

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Thank God ! don't do that anymore.

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[BOTH LAUGH!NG]

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-Oh, my God!

-What? What?

00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,883

It's Jean-Claude Van Damme.

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I didn't know he was in this movie.

He is so hot!

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You think?

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The Muscles from Brussels?

Wham-Bam-Van-Damme?

00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:47,809

Did you see Timecop?

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No. Was he any good in it?

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Rachel, he totally changed time!

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Wow.

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-So why don't you go talk to him?

-Oh. Yeah.

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Go tell him he's cute.

What's the worst that could happen?

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He could hear me.

00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,575

Oh.

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-I'm doing it for you.

-Don't you dare! Don't!

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Don't!

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Tell him ! cook!

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RACHEL:

Excuse me.

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-Hi. Ha, ha.

-Hi.

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Um, this is gonna sound kind of goofy.

Ha, ha.

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But, um, my friend over there...

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...who cooks, by the way....

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Um, she thinks you're cute. Heh.

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You don't think I'm cute?

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[CHUCKLES]

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I don't know. Um....

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Do you think you're cute?

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[CHUCKLES]

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We're getting off the track.

Um, ! was supposed to tell you...

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...my friend thinks you're cute.

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What should I tell her?

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You can tell her

I think her friend is cute.

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-Oh. Ha, ha.

-Huh?

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Whoa. Ha, ha.

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MAN: Makeup!

-Oh, that's me. ! gotta go.

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Oh, uh....

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Okay.

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Um, how many times do ! have to touch you

on the arm before you ask me on a date?

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[SCOFFS]

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Well, uh, let's try one more.

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There you go. Ernie's, 8:00?

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I'll be there.

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And if things go well,

maybe this time...

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...I'll get to see your underwear.

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No one was around to hear that?

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[CLEARS THROAT]

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-So, what'd he say?

-Ugh!

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What a jerk!

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I kept talking about you,

and he kept asking me out.

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Oh.

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Naturally, you know, I said no.

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[SCOFFS]

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Well....

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Thanks, anyway.

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He just kept asking...

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...and asking, asking, asking....

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If you want to go out with him, you can.

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Sounds like a jerk to me, but--

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Jean-Claude, she said yes!

I'll see you tonight!

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[CHUCKLES]

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Thank you.

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Then Jean-Claude took me to Crossroads...

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...and we hung out

with Drew Barrymore.

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Oh, man. She's so smoking!

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She's got the greatest set of--

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No guys around, huh?

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[CHUCKLES]

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-Anybody need anything?

-Oh, I'll have an espresso.

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Oh, I'll get it.

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If I ask you to,

you'll end up drinking it yourself.

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-That is so unfair.

-I know.

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Like you'd drink her coffee after

what you did to her with Van Damme?

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I have to cancel racquetball tonight.

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MarceI's trainer will let me

have him for a couple of hours.

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You're blowing me off for a monkey?

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We can reschedule for Saturday.

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Yeah, unless you hook up

with a bunch of pigeons.

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Hey.

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Stick a fork in me...

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...I am done!

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PHOEBE:

Uh....

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Stick a fork what?

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Like when you're cooking a steak.

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Oh, I don't eat meat.

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How do you know vegetables are done?

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Well, you don't.

You eat them and you can tell.

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Okay, then eat me, I'm done!

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Mm.

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-I've met the perfect woman.

-What?

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We're sitting on her couch,

fooling around...

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...and then she turns to me and says:

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"Did you ever want to do it

in an elevator?"

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[MON!CA CHUCKLES]

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What did you say?

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I believe my exact words were:

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[SPEAK!NG INDlST!NCTLY]

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How do you know if you wanna do that?

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Oh, you just know.

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Oh, we gotta go.

Got a reservation in 30 minutes.

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No, no, no.

00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:08,487

What ! had planned shouldn't take

more than two, three minutes, tops.

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Two hundred seconds of passion!

We gotta go.

00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,410

But, um...

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...here's an idea.

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Have you ever worn

women's underwear?

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Well, yes, actually...

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...but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's.

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And there were three of us in there.

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I was thinking

it would be, um, kind of sexy...

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...if you wore mine tonight at dinner.

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You want me to wear your panties?

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Could you?

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If I was wearing your underwear...

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...then, uh, what would you be wearing?

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You're swell!

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I made MarceI's favorite dish,

banana cake...

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-Ooh.

-...with mealworm.

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[GROANS]

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Ah.

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-Candle. Ha, ha.

-Ha, ha.

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What do you think is

gonna happen here tonight?

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[PHONE RINGS]

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Hello.

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Oh, hi, are you on your way over--?

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Oh.

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No, I understand.

A monkey's gotta work.

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[ROSS CHUCKLES]

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It's no big deal.

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It's not like I, uh, had anything

special planned, you know.

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Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay, bye.

00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:57,679

Okay. Rachel, why don't you

start talking first?

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All right. I feel that this is totally unjustified.

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She gave me the green light,

I did nothing--

00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,274

Do you think I can't see you

in the TV set?

00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,822

Monica, if there's something

you'd like to share--

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You had no right to date him!

00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:20,952

-That's the most ridiculous--

-You sold me out!

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-I did not!

-You absolutely--

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Would you let me talk!

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Did you just flick me?

00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,171

[S!GHS]

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Well, you wouldn't let me

finish and ! was--

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-Ow, that hurt!

-Ow.

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Quit flicking!

00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,597

Ow! Stop flicking!

00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,432

You flicked me first!

00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,683

Ow!

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BOTH:

Ow!

00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,730

PHOEBE:

Okay, no, no.

00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:49,981

Let's not do this!

00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,652

-Come on. Happy thoughts.

RACHEL: No! No!

00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:55,570

Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!

00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,448

No! Ow! No!

00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,076

PHOEBE: Oh! Oh!

RACHEL: Oh, God!

00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:04,371

Oh! Ow!

00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,414

Now !'m gonna kick some ass!

00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,001

-Ow.

-Ow.

00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:15,256

BOTH:

Ow, ow, ow.

00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:19,219

All right. Now, I will let go if you both stop.

00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:23,431

-Oh! You want me to stop seeing him?

-Uh-huh.

00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,976

You want me to just tell him

you're seeing him instead?

00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:30,188

-Is that what you want?

-Okay.

00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,441

Oh, that's what you want?

00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,693

Yes.

00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,321

-Fine!

-Fine!

00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,906

There we go.

00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:41,157

-Ow.

-Oh.

00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:44,744

Ha. If we were in prison,

you guys would be, like, my bitches.

00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,839

Thanks for letting me tag along.

00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,340

Forget about it.

00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:02,137

-How you doing there, squirmy?

-I'm hanging in.

00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,222

And a little out.

00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,186

So assistant to the director?

00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:14,232

That's an exciting job.

You must have a ton of responsibilities--

00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,942

I don't do the casting.

00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,027

So, what are you guys gonna eat?

00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:23,450

How come all I can think about

is putting that ice in my mouth...

00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:27,203

...and licking you all over?

00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:33,251

Because I went to an all-boys high school,

and God is making up for it?

00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,466

I want you right here...

00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,301

...right now.

00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,553

Right now, right here?

00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,347

Don't you think we're in

kind of a public place?

00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,019

They do have the shrimp.

00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,898

-Oh.

-Meet me in the bathroom.

00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:04,073

I'm going to the bathroom now.

00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,043

Come on.

00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,755

All right, mister.

00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:21,132

Let's see those panties.

00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,968

CHANDLER:

Alrighty.

00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,055

SUSlE:

Ooh. Ooh.

00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,433

But you know what would be even sexier?

00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,185

CHANDLER:

What?

00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:35,271

SUSlE: lf you didn't have

your shirt tucked into them.

00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:37,941

CHANDLER:

Oh.

00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:42,570

SUSlE: All right. Now, I would like

to see you wearing nothing but them.

00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,073

Take your clothes off.

00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,492

CHANDLER:

But, uh, ! hope you realize this means...

00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,661

...we'll miss hearing about the specials.

00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,371

[SUSIE CHUCKLES]

00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:52,705

SUSlE:

Come on, hurry!

00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,959

CHANDLER:

Do you want this done quick or done right?

00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:59,838

SUSlE: All right, turn around.

I wanna see you from behind.

00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:04,968

Oh, oh. Somebody's been doing

his Buns of Stee/ video.

00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:08,596

CHANDLER: So you want me

to, uh, clench anything or...?

00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:14,644

Susie?

00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:17,063

This, ha, ha, is for the fourth grade.

00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,402

-Huh? What do you mean?

-What do I mean?

00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,653

What do I mean?

00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,489

I mean underpants, mister!

That's what I mean!

00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,033

What? What do you mean?

00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,535

My skirt...

00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,454

...you lifted. Kids laughing!

00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,291

I was Susie Underpants till I was 1 8!

00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,629

That was in fourth grade!

How could you still be upset?

00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,006

Well, um....

00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:47,260

Call me in 20 years and tell me

if you're still upset about this.

00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,727

I hope you realize you're not

getting these underpants back!

00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,363

I can't believe this. Ha, ha.

00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:10,909

Just two weeks ago,

I was watching Sudden Death...

00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:14,662

...and now !'m on a date

with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,372

Can you beat up that guy?

00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:17,957

Yeah.

00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,543

-Can you beat up that guy?

-Sure.

00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,212

Oh, this is so wild.

00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:28,509

I gotta admit, I was surprised

that you agreed to go on a blind date.

00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,637

Normally, I would not do it.

00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:31,888

Yeah?

00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,224

What made you make the exception for me?

00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:36,517

Rachel told me, uh...

00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:40,438

...you were dying to have a threesome

with me and, uh, Drew Barrymore.

00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,858

By the way,

Drew has some ground rules and....

00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,779

-Say you're sorry!

-No!

00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:48,947

MONICA:

Say it!

00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,990

No! I'm not gonna!

00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,244

-Say it! Say it! Great!

-Oh!

00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,205

MONICA:

Rachel.

00:15:57,373 --> 00:16:00,333

Say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.

00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:05,129

That is my favorite sweater!

That is my third-date sweater!

00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,509

Say you're sorry.

00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,971

You wanna play? Okay, let's play.

00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,305

Let's play.

00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,062

What are you gonna do?

00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,148

Give me back my sweater

or it's handbag marinara.

00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,736

You don't have the guts.

00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:29,988

[SCOFFS]

00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:33,282

Yeah? At least I wasn't too chicken

to tell some guy he was cute.

00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,534

[GASPS]

00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,577

[GRUNTS]

00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:37,787

[GASPS]

00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,247

[SCREAMS]

00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:42,125

[BOTH SCREAM!NG]

00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:46,587

Oh, all right, stop! Stop the madness!

00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,759

This is crazy!

00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,054

Who can remember why

you're fighting in the first place?

00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,639

[BOTH SPEAKING IND!STlNCTLY]

00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,102

Yes, that's right.

00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,148

But still....

00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,816

Look at your purse!

00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,152

Look at your sweater!

00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,780

Look at yourselves!

00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,827

I'll help you fix your sweater.

00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,954

I'll help you...

00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,165

...throw out your purse.

00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,210

I'm sorry I made you stop seeing him.

00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,089

I'm sorry I went out with him

when I knew you liked him.

00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,633

[S!GHS]

00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:36,095

I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.

00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:46,647

[WH!STLlNG]

00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:51,319

[CHANDLER WHlSTLES]

00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,490

[WH!STLES]

00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:57,742

CHANDLER:

Joey?

00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,660

Ma?

00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,122

CHANDLER:

Joey!

00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,542

What are you doing here?

I thought you guys took off.

00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,920

CHANDLER:

She took off with my clothes!

00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:14,425

-Are you naked in there?

-Well, not exactly.

00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,096

I'm wearing panties.

00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,015

Huh.

00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,352

You, uh, always wear panties?

00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:28,314

No, no. This is the first time.

00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:31,776

Wow. Talk about your bad luck!

00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:36,322

I mean, the first time you try panties

and someone walks off with your clothes.

00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,116

[CHUCKLES]

00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,953

CHANDLER: I was not trying them out.

Susie asked me to wear them.

00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,621

Let me see!

00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,250

No! I'm not letting you

or anybody else see, ever!

00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,502

All right, all right!

00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,589

Whoa.

00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,592

Someone's flossing!

00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,393

Joey, some people don't like that.

00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,688

Chandler's wearing panties.

00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,106

What?

00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,276

-Let me see!

CHANDLER: You don't have to see!

00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:15,611

Hi, tushy!

00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:16,988

[CHUCKLES]

00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:21,075

-One of you give me your underpants.

-Oh, no.

00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,535

I'm not wearing any.

00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,039

How can you not be wearing any?

00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:31,002

Oh. I'm getting heat from the guy

in the hot-pink thong.

00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,631

Look, Ross. !'ll give you

$50 for your underpants.

00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,675

ALL:

Hey.

00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,442

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,828

-Can ! have the milk?

-I'm almost done with it.

00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,079

Keep your panties on.

00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:08,539

[CHUCKLES]

00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:13,878

Hey. Hey.

00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,255

- And I'm in the movie!

-Hey.

00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,799

-What happened?

- A virus victim called in sick...

00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,386

...so Cathy recommended me and boom!

I'm dying on a gurney!

00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,639

-Hey!

-Oh.

00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:28,809

Oh, Marcel just finished his last scene,

if you wanna go say goodbye.

00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:34,398

Uh, that's okay. He's probably

got parties to go to and stuff.

00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:40,238

You know, he's moved on.

That's the way it goes, right?

00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:43,074

Oh, my God!

00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,742

What?

00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,499

I think I want to write a song about all this.

00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,543

RACHEL: Oh, yeah?

PHOEBE: Yeah.

00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:39,130

Ooh, except one of the strings

on my guitar is broken.

00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:41,382

Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?

00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,633

[RACHEL LAUGHS]

00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:46,178

-How long you been waiting to say that?

- About 20 minutes!

00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,020

Can't you see what's going on here?

This man is dying!

00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,689

[GROAN!NG]

00:21:56,857 --> 00:21:57,982

DlRECTOR:

Cut!

00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:01,485

Can't you see what's going on here?

This man is dying!

00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,821

[GROAN!NG]

00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,072

DlRECTOR:

Cut!

00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,615

[YELPS]

00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:09,118

Can't you see what's going on here?

This man is dying!

00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,912

[SCREAMS]

00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,748

-Mommy!

- Ah.

00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:17,918

Can't you see what's going on?

This man is dead!

00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,888

[English - US - SDH]