Эпизод с двумя вечеринками

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Since it's RacheI's birthday

and we want it to be special...

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-...I thought !'d poach a salmon.

GROUP: Oh.

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What?

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Question: Why do we always have to

have parties where you poach things?

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You wanna be in charge

of the food committee?

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Question two: Why do we always

have parties with committees?

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Yeah, yeah.

Why can't we just get some pizzas...

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-...and gets some beers and have fun?

-Yeah.

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Yeah, ! agree. You know,

I think fancy parties are only fun...

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...if you're fancy on the inside,

and I'm just not sure we are.

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All right.

You guys don't want it to be special?

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Fine. You can throw

any kind of party you want.

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-Joey, they're not real.

-Huh? Huh.

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I start miles beneath the surface

of these things, okay? They're fake.

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See? Honk, honk.

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Wow, it's like porno for clowns.

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I talked to RacheI's sisters.

Neither of them can come.

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Okay, so ! still have to invite Dylan

and Emma and Shannon Cooper.

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Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh, no Shannon Cooper.

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Why not her?

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Because she, uh.... She steals stuff.

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Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff...

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...and Joey slept with her

and never called her back.

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-Joey, that is horrible.

-Hey, I liked her.

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All right? Maybe too much. I don't know.

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I guess I just got scared.

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I'm sorry. ! didn't know.

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Heh. I didn't think anyone

would buy that. Okay.

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-Hi, honey. How did it go?

-Ugh. It was the graduation from hell.

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You know, my cousin went to hell

on a football scholarship.

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You know, I mean, this is supposed to be

a joyous occasion.

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My sister's graduating from college.

Nobody thought she would.

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It's a true testament to what a girl

from Long Island would do for a Celica.

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-So, what happened?

-My parents happened.

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All they had to do was sit

in the same stadium, smile proudly...

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...and not talk about the divorce. But no.

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They got into a huge fight in the middle

of the commencement address.

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Bishop Tutu actually

had to stop and shush them.

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Ugh. But you know what?

You know what the good news is?

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I get to serve coffee

for the next eight hours.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Okay, so ! guess

we don't invite her parents.

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-Well, how about just her mom?

-Why her mom?

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Because I already invited her.

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Ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth?

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Uh, can't invite her.

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She also steals.

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Okay, here are the candles.

Where's the birthday cake?

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Okay, we're not having birthday cake.

We're having birthday flan.

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Excuse me?

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It's a traditional

Mexican custard dessert.

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Whoa, that's nice.

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Happy birthday, Rachel.

Here's some goo.

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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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MONICA:

Dr. Green.

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Oh, my God. It's RacheI's dad.

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What are you doing here?

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What, the father can't drop by to see

the daughter on her birthday?

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No, no, the father can.

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But, um, since I am the roommate,

I can tell you that she's not here.

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And I'll pass along the message.

Okay? So bye-bye.

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Oh. You're having a party.

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No, no, not a party.

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Just a surprise gathering

of some people Rachel knows.

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-Uh, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.

-I'll never remember all of that.

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So, uh, what's the deal?

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Rachel comes home, people pop out

and yell stuff? ls that it?

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This isn't your first

surprise party, is it, sir?

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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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Hi, Monica.

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The Chinese menu guy.

Forgot the menus.

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So basically, just a Chinese guy.

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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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Hey, Dr. Green, come with me.

We'll put your jacket on RacheI's bed.

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All right.

That sounds like a two-person job.

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Well, my goodness. What was that?

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Sandra, I am so sorry.

I thought you were Rachel.

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And we weren't ready for you yet.

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-You thought ! was Rachel?

-Yes, because, uh, you look so young.

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And because you're both,

you know, white women.

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Oh, I missed you kids.

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Well, should ! put my coat in the bedroom?

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No.

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-No, I'll take that for you.

-Oh, well, thank you.

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-Okay.

-Such a gentleman. Thank you.

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Oh.

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Oh, it all looks so nice.

So festive. All the balloons.

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Oh, the funniest thing happened

to me on the way here.

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-I was driving--

-That's great. Ha-ha-ha.

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I can't wait to hear the rest,

but I have to go to the bathroom.

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So-- Hey, come with me.

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-What?

-Yeah, yeah. lt will be like we're gal pals.

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You know, like at a restaurant.

Oh, it'll be fun. Come on.

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Ha, ha. Come on.

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-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

-Okay, think. Think.

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What would Jack and Chrissy do?

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Okay, now that your coat

is safely in the bed--

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Okay. We can come back out

in the living room. Ha, ha.

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So, Joey and Chandler, I think it's time

that you take Dr. Green over to your place.

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Uh, yes, absolutely.

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Um, why, again?

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Because that's where

the party is, you goon.

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See, this is just the staging area.

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-Right, it's the staging area.

-This is the staging area.

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This is clearly in the wrong apartment.

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All right, you guys are off

to party number one.

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And you....

You are off to party number two.

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All right, fellas, let's keep it moving,

let's keep it moving.

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Chandler, could you at least

send some women to my party.

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[DOOR BUZZER]

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Okay, that's Ross. All right.

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Okay, they're coming. Shh!

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Thank you for such a wonderful dinner.

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Thanks for being born.

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Oh, thank you for my beautiful earrings.

They're perfect.

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-Aw.

-I love you.

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Oh. Now, you can exchange them

if you want, okay?

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Hmm. Now I love you even more.

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ALL:

Surprise!

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Oh, my gosh. Wow.

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Oh, Monica. Oh, my God. Mom.

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This is so great.

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SANDRA:

Happy birthday, sweetie.

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Wow. You. I had no idea.

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-Really?

-No, I knew.

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All right.

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Everybody, there's food and drinks

on the table.

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-Go across the hall.

BOTH: What?

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Right now, Joey and Chandler's. Go.

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-Why?

-Just go.

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-Weird.

ALL: Surprise!

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[LAUGHlNG]

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Happy birthday, sweet pea.

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Daddy! Ha, ha.

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Both of them are here? Both of them?

Both of them are here?

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Well, we could count again?

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[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

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-I can't believe this is happening.

-You know what? This is ridiculous.

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Okay, this is your birthday,

this is your party.

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I say we just put them all together.

If they can't deal with it, who cares?

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-I do.

-That's who.

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Look, are you gonna be okay?

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Well, I have to be.

I don't really have a choice.

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I mean, I can look at the bright side.

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I get two birthday parties

and two birthday cakes.

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Well, actually just one birthday flan.

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-What?

-It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.

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Look, talk to Monica.

She's on the food committee.

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[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

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Joe, Joe, hey, some girl just walked up

to me and said, "! want you, Dennis"...

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...and stuck her tongue down my throat.

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I love this party.

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-Quick volleyball question.

-Volleyball.

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Yeah, we set up a court in your room.

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Uh, you didn't like that gray lamp,

did you?

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Joey, a woman just stuck her tongue

down my throat.

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I'm not even listening to you.

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G!RL: Dennis.

-Okay, that's me.

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Listen, ahem, honey,

can you keep Dad occupied?

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I'm gonna go talk to Mom for a while.

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Okay, do you have any ideas

for any openers?

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Uh, let's just stay clear of "I'm the guy

that's doing your daughter"...

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...and you should be okay.

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Okay, people, I want you

to take a piece of paper--

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Here you go. And write down

your most embarrassing memory.

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And I do ask that when

you're not using the markers...

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...you put the caps back on them...

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...because they will dry out.

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Hi, Dr. Green.

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So how's everything in the, uh...

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...vascular surgery game?

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It's not a game, Ross.

A woman died on my table today.

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I'm sorry.

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See, that's the good thing about my job.

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All the dinosaurs on my table

are already dead.

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Listen, you guys, um,

I don't mean to be a pain about this...

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...but, um, !'ve noticed that some of you

are just placing them on.

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You want to push the caps...

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...until you hear them click.

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Gunther. Where you going?

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I, uh, was sort of thinking

about maybe--

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No. No, you can't go. No, this is fun.

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Come on, come on, we're just

getting started. Here's your marker.

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Listen, if you want to go, just go.

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No. She'll yell at me again.

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[CLEARS THROAT]

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All right, ahem, I can get you out.

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What?

00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,718

Shh.

00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,429

In a minute,

I'm gonna create a diversion.

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When I do, walk quickly to the door

and don't look back.

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-I think I need a drink.

-Oh, I'll get it for you.

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-What do you want?

-Scotch.

00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:36,194

All right, I'll be back in 1 0 seconds

with your Scotch on the rocks in a glass.

00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,737

Neat.

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-Cool.

GREEN: No, no, no.

00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,826

Neat, as in no rocks.

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Heh. I know.

00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,126

Oh, hello, Ross.

Now, where have you been?

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Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom.

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Ahem. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.

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Oh. Scotch neat.

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You know, that's RacheI's father's drink.

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Oh. Huh.

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Mine too. !sn't that neat?

00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,315

Scotch neat.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Would you excuse me?

00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,452

Hey. Hey.

00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,371

Where are you sneaking off to, mister?

Heh.

00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,957

I'm getting my cigarettes

out of my jacket.

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-No.

-No. What do you mean "no"?

00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:36,629

No, um, see,

because that's the staging area.

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You go in there, it'll ruin

the whole illusion of the party.

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Yeah, ! think, you take your Scotch

back in there...

00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:47,140

...and I will get your cigarettes

for you, sir.

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-And get my glasses too.

-All righty-roo.

00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,317

What a great moment to say that

for the first time.

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Okay, the first person's

most embarrassing memory is:

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"Monica, your party sucks."

00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,121

All right. Very funny.

00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,541

PHOEBE: Oh, no. Ooh.

Did someone forget to use a coaster?

00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,251

MONICA:

What?

00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,968

I don't see anything.

00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,347

Great, !'m seeing water rings again.

00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,602

Ross, whose glasses are those?

00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,771

Mine.

00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:37,857

You wear bifocals?

00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:39,359

Mm-hm.

00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:42,987

I have a condition apparently...

00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,240

...that I require...

00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,077

...two different sets of focals.

00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,872

Do you know my husband

has glasses just like that?

00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,209

-Oh.

-Well, those are very popular frames.

00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,753

Neil Sedaka wears them.

00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,384

I hear you can get people out of here.

00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:07,887

-Rachel?

-Yeah?

00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:11,140

You didn't tell me

your boyfriend smokes.

00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,643

Yeah, like a chimney.

00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,229

Big smoker.

00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,148

Big, big smoker.

00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:23,486

In fact, I'm gonna go out into the hallway

and fire up this bad boy.

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Are you wearing my glasses?

00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,796

Yes.

00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:47,886

I was just warming up

the earpieces for you.

00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:50,138

Thank you.

00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,641

Is that one of my cigarettes?

00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,273

Yeah.

00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:04,777

Yes, it is. I was just moistening the tip.

00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:10,033

Okay, okay. She's taking the trash out,

so I can get you out of here.

00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,577

But it has to be now.

She'll be back any minute.

00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:13,912

What about my friend Victor?

00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,624

No, only the three of you. Any more

than that and she'll get suspicious.

00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,460

-All right. Let me just get my coat.

-There isn't time.

00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,464

Just leave everything.

00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,091

They'll take care of you next door.

00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,677

Is it true they have beer?

00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,847

Everything you've heard is true.

00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,351

Could you guys please

try and keep it down?

00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:39,270

We're trying to start

a Boggle tournament.

00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:41,564

[BOTH LAUGH!NG]

00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,694

You. And you.

00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,990

You're supposed to be at my party.

And Gunther.

00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,080

What are you doing here?

00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,790

Um....

00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,877

Hey, welcome to the fo--

00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,673

Phoebe?

00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,759

All right, I'm sorry.

But these people needed me.

00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,261

You know, they work hard all week.

It's Saturday night.

00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,806

They deserve to have a little fun. Go.

00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,725

You know, my party is fun.

00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:20,645

I mean, maybe it's a little quieter,

less obvious sort of fun.

00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,023

But, you know, if people

would just give it a chance, it's--

00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:32,740

-You want me to see a therapist?

-Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem.

00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:36,703

You've chosen a boyfriend

exactly like your father.

00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,789

Okay, Mom, you know what? Fine.

I'll make an appointment.

00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:43,376

Okay? But you know what?

Right now, I gotta go. I gotta go do a thing.

00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:48,381

Did you know your mother

spent $1 200 on bonsai trees?

00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,426

I felt like Gulliver around that place.

00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,761

Daddy, Daddy,

I really want to hear more about this...

00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,890

...I really do,

but I just have to do, uh, some stuff.

00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:01,144

You work and you work

and you work at a marriage...

00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:03,730

...but all he cares about

is his stupid boat.

00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:06,816

You work and you work

and you work on a boat.

00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,902

He always ridiculed my pottery classes.

00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,071

And you sand it and you varnish it.

00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:15,908

But when all is said and done,

he still drinks out of the mugs.

00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:19,203

One night of her yoga

and her Bridges of Madison County....

00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,290

sANDRA: Scotch, cigarettes....

gEEEN: Bonsais, the Chihuahua....

00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,667

SANDRA: I've only been

in therapy three weeks now but--

00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,336

GREEN: What the he/l

does she want with half a boat?

00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,886

Okay, okay, okay,

you can be shirts and I'll be skins.

00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,680

I'll be skins.

00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:40,850

[S!GHS]

00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:43,561

Hey.

00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:45,730

How you holding up there, tiger?

00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:51,694

Oh. Sorry. When my parents were getting

divorced, I got a lot of "tigers."

00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:56,074

Ahem. I got a lot of "champs,"

"chiefs," "sports."

00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,034

Ahem. I even got a "governor."

00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,453

[S!GHS]

00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,915

This is it, isn't it?

I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like.

00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,501

My mom there, my dad there.

00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,128

Thanksgiving, Christmas.

00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:14,008

She gets the house, he's in some condo

my sister's gonna decorate with wicker.

00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,053

Chandler, how did you get through this?

00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:21,557

Well, I relied on a carefully

regimented program...

00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,935

...of denial...

00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,729

...and wetting the bed.

00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,859

You know, I just-- It's so weird.

00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:36,697

I mean, I was in there just listening

to them bitch about each other.

00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:39,784

All I kept thinking about

was the Fourth of July.

00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,371

Because it reminded you of the way...

00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,873

...our forefathers used

to bitch at each other?

00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:47,917

It's just this thing.

00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:52,380

Every year we would go out

on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks.

00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:57,051

Mom always hated it because

the ocean air made her hair all big.

00:18:57,219 --> 00:19:00,513

My sister Jill would be

throwing up over the side...

00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:03,224

...and my dad would be upset

because nobody was helping.

00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:06,769

And then when we did help,

he would scream at us for doing it wrong.

00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,313

[S!GHS]

00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:14,193

But then when the fireworks started,

everybody just shut up.

00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,946

You know, and it'd get really cold.

00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:20,908

And we'd all just sort of

smoosh under this one blanket.

00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:24,120

It never occurred to anybody

to bring another one.

00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,874

And now it's....

00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,587

Yeah, ! know.

00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,862

MONICA: Thanks for coming.

I hope you had fun.

00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,198

All right, Monica, dear,

I'm gonna hit the road.

00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,284

Now, I've left my 1 0 verbs on the table.

00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,786

Yes, and you be sure and send me

that finished poem.

00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:07,997

-Okay, will do. So glad you came.

-All right, dear.

00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,625

-I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.

-Okay, let me go check.

00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,293

Oh, all right.

00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,963

-Your mom wants to say goodbye.

-Oh, okay.

00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,257

SANDRA:

Happy birthday, sweetie.

00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:20,092

RACHEL:

Okay.

00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,553

JOEY:

Uh, you drive safe.

00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,681

RACHEL: Okay.

-What are you doing?

00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,478

I'm getting ready for the water skiing.

00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,939

Okay, big hug. One more. Come on.

00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,443

How are you?

00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,530

-Dr. Green. Where are you going?

-To get my coat.

00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:43,366

No, no, no.

We'll get that for you.

00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,369

All right, all right.

I can get my own coat.

00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,247

[ALL SlNGING]

00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:56,796

Sorry, we're on a major flan high.

00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,260

Oh, no. No, you're not

supposed to be here.

00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:05,846

This is the staging area.

It's all wrong. You should leave.

00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:09,225

Ha, ha. You know, just get out.

00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:12,812

[JOEY & ROSS & JOEY YELLlNG]

00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,069

Or perhaps you'd like a creme de menthe.

00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,739

I have to be heading toward my chateau.

Thank you.

00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:26,867

All right, well, then ! guess

we're going back into the hallway again.

00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,995

Thanks for coming, Mrs. Green.

00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,506

Okay.

00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,426

You take care.

00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,723

Oh, you kids.

00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:52,727

Well.

00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:57,064

This is the best party

I've been to in years.

00:21:58,025 --> 00:21:59,567

Thank you.

00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,325

MONICA:

Okay, everybody, it's time for flan.

00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:11,078

CHANDLER:

Yep. Get ready for the gelatinous fun.

00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,790

JOEY: Kind of looks like that stuff you get

when you get a bad infection.

00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:17,209

MONICA:

Okay, that's enough.

00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:20,463

PHOEBE: Okay, Rachel,

make a special flan wish.

00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,424

RACHEL:

Okay, I've got one.

00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,219

[GROUP CHEERlNG]

00:22:27,387 --> 00:22:28,971

MAN:

Heads up.

00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:34,060

RACHEL:

Wow. Those things almost never come true.

00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,111

[English - US - SDH]