Эпизод с фантазией о принцессе Лее

00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,882

You always think somebody's

winking at you.

00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,390

Huh.

00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,448

I say "Tupelo Honey"

by Van Morrison.

00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:15,991

No way!

00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:18,994

The most romantic song ever

was "The Way We Were."

00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:24,333

Ah, I think the one that Elton John wrote

for, um, that guy on Who's the Boss?

00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,295

- What song was that?

- Um.

00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:31,673

[SINGING]

Hold me close, young Tony Danza

00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:37,846

PHOEBE: Hi, Monica.

ROSS: Hi, Mon.

00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,681

RACHEL:

Hey, Mon.

00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,976

Oh, my God!

00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,978

- Has she slept at all?

ROSS: Nope.

00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,064

It's been three nights in a row.

00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,066

She finally stopped crying yesterday.

00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,361

But then she found one of Richard's

cigar butts on the terrace...

00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:56,949

Oh. Okay, that explains it.

I got a call at 2 in the morning...

00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,368

...and all I could hear

was this squeaky sound.

00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:02,204

So I thought,

"Oh, it's a mouse or a possum."

00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:07,209

Then I realized, like, okay...

00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:11,421

...where would a mouse or a possum

get the money to make the phone call?

00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,635

CHANDLER: Morning.

- Morning. Hey.

00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,637

You made pancakes?

00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:19,888

[SCOFFS]

00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,307

Yeah, like there's any way

I could ever do that.

00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,019

[SINGING]

Monica and Rachel had syrup

00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:29,439

Uh, uh

Now I can get my man to cheer up

00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,859

[LAUGHING NASALLY]

00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,443

Good morning, Joey.

00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:34,903

Good morning.

00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:37,030

Here's a thought.

00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:40,075

Why don't you stay home from work

and just hang out with me?

00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,326

Oh, I wish.

00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,705

You have that report to finish,

and I've got to see my lawyer.

00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,041

I can't believe I date

a girl who's getting divorced.

00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,669

- I'm such a grownup.

- Ha-ha-ha.

00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,546

I gotta go, I gotta go.

00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,089

Not without a kiss.

00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,383

Maybe I won't kiss you

so you'll stay.

00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,760

Kiss her. Kiss her!

00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,470

[BOTH MOAN]

00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,223

I'll see you later, sweetie.

Bye, Joey.

00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:05,434

[MOCKING TONE]

Bye-bye, Janice.

00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,146

So when are you dumping her?

00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,397

Nope.

00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:11,648

Not this time.

00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,318

Heh. Come on, quit yanking me.

00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,448

I'm not yanking you.

00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,035

- This is Janice.

- Yeah, I know.

00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,786

She makes me happy.

00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,038

[JOEY SCOFFS]

00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,081

Okay. All right.

00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,752

You look me in the eye and tell me,

without blinking...

00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,755

...that you're not breaking up

with her. No blinking.

00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,507

[JOEY CHUCKLES]

00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,384

I'm not breaking up with her!

00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,558

Ah!

00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,851

[MOUTHS]

What's that?

00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,520

God, look what I found in the drain!

00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,147

What?

00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,525

It's some of Richard's hair!

00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,236

What do I do with this?

00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,405

Getting it away from me

would be job one.

00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,660

It's weird, but I don't want

to throw this away.

00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,870

This is all I have left of him.

00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,622

Gross...

00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,624

...drain hair.

00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,292

Ew!

00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:22,261

Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny

little person drowning in your cereal.

00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,596

[MONICA SIGHS]

00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,808

- God, what is wrong with me?

- You need to get some sleep.

00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,309

I need to get some Richard.

00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,065

You broke up with him for a reason.

00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:39,236

I know. I know.

I'm just so tired of missing him.

00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,531

Tired of wondering why he

hasn't called. Why hasn't he?

00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,825

Maybe because you told him not to?

00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,911

What are you, the Memory Woman?

00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,915

They're not breaking up!

Chandler and Janice?

00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,584

They're not breaking up!

He didn't blink!

00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,505

I'm not surprised.

Have you seen them together?

00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,965

They're really cute.

00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,093

"Cute"? This is Janice!

00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:04,594

You remember Janice?

00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:07,264

Yes, I remember. She's annoying.

But you know what?

00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:10,183

She's his girlfriend now.

I mean, what can we do?

00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:14,021

There you go! That's the spirit

I'm looking for! "What can we do?"

00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:15,856

Huh?

00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,567

All right, who's first, huh? Ross?

00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,403

Chandler's our friend,

and Janice makes him happy.

00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,364

So I say we be adult about it

and accept her.

00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,366

We'll call that Plan B.

00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:49,931

Honey...

00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:52,434

...I was wondering...

- Mm.

00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:56,438

...do you still have

that, um, Navy uniform?

00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:00,609

No, I had to return it

to the costume place.

00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:01,860

Oh.

00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,196

I think I have an old band uniform

from high school.

00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,324

You remember not having sex

in high school, right?

00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,368

Yeah.

00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,623

Well, honey, what about you?

00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,874

- What?

- I mean...

00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,125

[SIGHS]

00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:22,297

Do you have any fun, you know,

fantasy-type things?

00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,883

No.

00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,178

Come on. You gotta have one.

00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,180

Nope.

00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,849

- Ross, you know what?

- What?

00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,728

If you tell me, I might do it.

00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,236

[ROSS CLEARS THROAT]

00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,154

Okay.

00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,073

- Ahem.

- Um.

00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:52,160

Did you ever see, um,

Return of the Jedi?

00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,876

Yeah.

00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,839

Do you remember the scene...

00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,676

...with, um, Jabba the Hutt?

00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,515

Jabba had as his prisoner...

00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,891

...Princess Leia.

00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,687

Oh.

00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,856

Princess Leia was wearing...

00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:25,694

...this, um, gold bikini thing.

00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:30,031

It was pretty cool.

00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:36,705

Yeah, Princess Leia and the gold bikini?

Oh, every guy our age loved that.

00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,333

- Really?

- Mm-hm. Mm.

00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,421

It's huge! That's the moment when

she stopped being a princess...

00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,424

...and she became, like, you know,

a woman.

00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:52,220

Did you ever do the Leia thing?

00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,972

Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.

00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,392

[GIGGLES]

00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,270

Really? That great, huh?

00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,773

No, it's just that I got this new

pager, and I have it on "vibrate."

00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,275

[CHUCKLES]

00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,489

See you.

00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:11,740

Hey.

00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:12,991

RACHEL:

Hi, you guys!

00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,744

Look who I found standing

outside the Szechuan Dragon...

00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,622

...staring at a parking meter.

00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:23,084

- Ahem. Mon. Hi.

- Hi.

00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,463

- Why aren't you at work?

- Oh, they sent me home.

00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,131

Why?

00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:31,176

Because I don't work

at the Szechuan Dragon.

00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,512

RACHEL:

You really need to get some sleep.

00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,846

I know I do.

00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:36,473

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,517

Guess what?

They published my paper.

00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,853

- Oh! Really? Let me see, let me see.

- Uh-huh.

00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,230

Rach, look!

00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,564

RACHEL: No.

- Ooh.

00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,316

Hi. Ha, ha.

00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,236

Ha, ha! Oh.

00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,030

Where is my strong Ross Skywalker

to come rescue me?

00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,823

[LAUGHS]

00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,579

There he is!

00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,585

- Hey.

- Wheel!

00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:08,088

- Of!

- Fortune!

00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,590

This guy's so stupid.

00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,259

It's Count Rushmore!

00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,473

You should really go on this show.

00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:24,020

I got three tickets to

the Rangers tonight. What do you say?

00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,231

I say I am there!

00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,108

Cool! Oh.

00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,359

Is Ross going too?

00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:30,902

No. Janice.

00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,113

Janice?

00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:37,242

Because I just feel bad for Ross,

you know?

00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:42,163

We always go together. We're like

The Three Hockey-teers, you know?

00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:47,210

I may be way out on a limb here,

but do you have a problem with Janice?

00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,004

No!

00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:50,880

Yes...

00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,175

Oh, God, how do I say this? Uh...

00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,095

Oh! Ah!

00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,140

You know that girl from the

restaurant with the hair?

00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:03,351

Ooh! That girl that I hate?

Ugh! She drives me crazy. Ew.

00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,312

Oh.

00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:09,774

Look, I don't hate Janice.

She's just a lot to take, you know?

00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,738

- Well, there you go.

- Oh.

00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,698

Don't look at me like that.

00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,326

She drove you nuts before too,

remember?

00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,621

I'm crazy about her now.

This could be the real thing.

00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,873

Capital R, capital T!

00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,711

Don't worry, those are

the right letters.

00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,632

Look, what do you want me to say?

00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,217

I want you to say that you like her!

00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,346

I can't. It's like this chemical thing,

you know?

00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,474

Every time she starts laughing,

I just wanna...

00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,396

...pull my arm off so

I have something to throw at her.

00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:51,775

Thanks for trying.

00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,318

[SIGHS]

00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:57,489

Oh, and by the way,

there is no Count Rushmore!

00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,909

Then who's the guy that painted

the faces on the mountain?

00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,416

- Ugh.

- How could you tell her?

00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,461

I didn't think

it would be that big a deal!

00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,505

Oh. She didn't think

it would be a big deal!

00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,965

Who are you talking to

when you do that?

00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:21,596

Look, that was supposed to be

a private, personal thing between us.

00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:26,017

Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay?

We tell each other everything.

00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,019

Guys do the same thing.

00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,106

I mean, what about all that

locker-room stuff?

00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:34,150

That's different.

That's like, uh, who dated a stripper?

00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:37,821

Or who did it on the back

of the Staten Island ferry?

00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,781

- Both of those Joey?

- Yeah.

00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,282

[CHUCKLES]

00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:44,536

But you don't talk about

your girlfriend...

00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,914

...and the intimate stuff

you do with her.

00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,792

- Not even with your best friend?

- No.

00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,043

That is so sad.

00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,131

You're missing out on so much.

00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,050

I mean, the bonding and the sharing...

00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,971

...and knowing they're going through

the same thing you are.

00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:07,642

Oh. So, what, you tell each

other everything?

00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,561

Pretty much.

00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,025

Did you talk about

the Night of Five Times?

00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,157

Do you tell people about

the Night of Five Times?

00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,659

Uh, honey, that was with Carol.

00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:28,079

I know, but it's still worth

mentioning, I think.

00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:33,209

Relax every muscle in your body.

00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,878

[SOOTHING MUSIC

PLAYING ON STEREO]

00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:39,174

Listen to the plinky-plunky music.

00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,844

Okay, now close your eyes...

00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:46,014

...and think of a happy place.

00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,057

Tell me your happy place.

00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,685

Richard's living room, drinking wine.

00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:56,065

No, no, no. Not a Richard thing.

Just put down the glass and get out.

00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:59,194

I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.

00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:04,199

Okay, fine. Use my happy place.

Just don't move anything in there.

00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,618

I'll try not to.

00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,872

Okay. All right, so,

you're in a meadow...

00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,917

...millions of stars in the sky...

00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,127

You think breaking up was a mistake?

00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,713

There are no questions

in the happy place.

00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:26,387

Just the warm breeze and the

moonlight flowing through the trees.

00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,890

I'll bet he's over me.

I'll bet he's fine.

00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:32,769

Betting and wagering of any kind

are not permitted in the happy place.

00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,229

Okay?

00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,899

There's just, you know,

the lovely waterfalls...

00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,610

...and the trickling fountains...

00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:45,740

...and the calming sounds

of the babbling brook.

00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,742

- Okay, this isn't working.

- Oh.

00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,452

I'm still awake,

and now I have to pee.

00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,079

Oh.

00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,122

So I hear...

00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,707

...you hate me!

00:13:55,918 --> 00:14:00,421

I, uh, never said hate.

I was very careful about that.

00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:05,844

A little birdie told me you wanting to

rip your arm off and throw it at me.

00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:11,558

And you got "hate" from that?

You're taking a big leap there, I, uh...

00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,601

All right, fine, fine, fine!

00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:17,605

We have got to do something about

our little situation here.

00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,399

So this is my idea.

00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:23,486

You and me spending

some quality time together.

00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,030

But what does that...?

00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,615

For Chandler!

00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:30,577

Okay. I'm in.

00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:36,749

Okay! This is what we'll call it:

Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!

00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:39,002

Does it have to be a day?

00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:43,631

Yes, because that's how long

it takes to love me.

00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:48,303

Yeah, I know. Ha.

I sleep in the next room.

00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,559

I went down to the post office...

00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,645

...and it turns out it was

those videos that I ordered...

00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,815

...for Richard about the Civil War.

00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,109

He loved the Civil War.

00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,527

[MONICA SOBS]

00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,739

Do you want us to take you home?

00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,073

Uh-huh.

00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,034

[SNIFFLES]

00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,995

Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.

00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,173

Women tell each other everything.

Did you know that?

00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,508

Ha, ha. Yeah.

00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,511

No, Chandler, everything.

00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:34,265

Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes.

00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,852

Technique. Stamina. Girth.

00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,730

Girth?

00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,191

Why? Why? Why?

00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,401

Why would they do this?

00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,906

Rachel says sharing's great

and supposedly...

00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,575

...we ought to be doing it.

00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,954

Uh, do you want to?

00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,041

- We're not gonna talk about girth?

- No.

00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,418

- Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

- Yeah?

00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,712

All right, you go first.

00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,632

- Okay. Okay, I'll go first.

- Okay.

00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,884

So, uh, the other night...

00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:13,638

...Rachel and I are in bed

talking about fantasies...

00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,809

...and I happened to describe

a particular...

00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,894

...Star Wars thing...

00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,271

- Princess Leia and the gold bikini.

- Yes.

00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,524

- I know!

- Yes.

00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,694

Whoa. Wow.

00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,404

- Well, that was easy. Ha, ha.

- Ha, ha.

00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,655

Okay, you go.

00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,906

- Okay.

- Okay.

00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:35,451

Okay, you know when you're

in bed with a woman...

00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:36,703

Uh.

00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:40,248

...and, uh, ahem, you know,

you're fooling around...

00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,209

...and you get all these

mental images in your brain?

00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,671

Like Elle MacPherson

or the girl at the Xerox place?

00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,549

- With the bellybutton ring? Oh.

- Oh! I know.

00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:52,301

And then all of a sudden,

your mom pops into your head.

00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,886

[CHUCKLES]

00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:57,724

And you're, like,

"Mom, get out of here!"

00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,601

But after that,

you can't think of anything else.

00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:06,065

And you can't stop what you're doing.

So it's kind of like you're...

00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,860

...you know, you know...

00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,029

You don't know!

00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,449

Your mom?

00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:18,202

You're telling me about your mom?

What's the matter with you?

00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,123

- You said...

- I said "share," not "scare"!

00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,375

Go sit over there!

00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,216

- We're back!

JOEY: Hey.

00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,178

What are you guys doing together?

00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,306

Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!

00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,558

[LAUGHS NASALLY]

00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,518

- Really?

JOEY: Yeah, yeah.

00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:45,021

We went to a Mets game.

We got Chinese food.

00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,232

And, uh, you know,

I love this woman. Ha-ha-ha.

00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,567

[JANICE LAUGHS NASALLY]

00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,277

You have got competition, buddy.

00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,528

[JOEY CHUCKLES]

00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:56,199

Well, I just came by

to give you a kiss.

00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:57,617

BOTH:

Mwah.

00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:02,997

I have to go pick up the baby.

So I'll see you later, sweetheart.

00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,373

You too, Chandler.

00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:07,043

[LAUGHS NASALLY]

00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,007

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:18,429

- You still can't stand her, can you?

- I'm sorry, man. I tried! I really did!

00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:19,931

[SIGHS]

00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:22,600

I appreciate you giving it a shot.

00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,103

But you know, the good thing...

00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:28,731

...is that we spent the whole day

together and I survived.

00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:32,151

And what's even more amazing,

so did she. Ha, ha.

00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,278

It was Bat Day at Shea Stadium.

00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,657

I guess that's something.

00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,659

Oh, man, that's huge!

00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,246

Now I know I can stand to be

around her. Which means...

00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,123

...I get to hang out with you.

00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:48,167

Which is kind of

the whole point anyway. Ha, ha.

00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,878

Okay.

00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:57,552

Oh, hey! We, uh, stopped by

the coffee shop and, uh, ran into Ross.

00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,350

Oh, God.

00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,103

If it makes you feel any better,

I do it too.

00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:09,814

[MOUTHS]

Oh.

00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,899

- Really?

- Oh, yeah!

00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,569

I always picture your mom

when I'm having sex.

00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,076

MAN [ON TV]:

April 12, 1861.

00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:28,875

The United States garrison

at Fort Sumter was fired upon.

00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,293

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,253

It is now under bombardment by...

00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,921

[PAUSES VIDEO]

00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,925

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,391

Dad, what are you doing here?

00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:49,687

It's your mother's bridge night, so I

came into the city for a Moni-cuddle.

00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,689

Oh.

00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:56,360

Since when did you start

smoking cigars?

00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:01,282

I don't.

I just like the smell of them.

00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,827

So, uh,

what are you really doing here?

00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,205

I just wanted to make sure

you're okay.

00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,625

Why wouldn't I be okay?

00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,210

I saw Richard.

00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,171

Oh?

00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,215

So how you doing?

00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,799

I'm fine.

00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,094

I'm just a little tired,

but I'm okay.

00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,097

- Ahem. How's Richard doing?

- You don't want to know.

00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:28,017

No, I really, really do.

00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,811

Well, he's doing terrible!

00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,565

Really?

00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:37,485

Worse than when he broke up

with Barbara.

00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:43,199

- You're not just saying that, are you?

- No, the man is a mess!

00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,661

- Was he crying?

- No.

00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,539

Do you think he was waiting till

after you left, so he could cry?

00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,416

Maybe.

00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,544

I think so.

00:20:55,712 --> 00:20:58,923

Honey, relationships are hard.

Like with your mom and me.

00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,927

You know, after we graduated from

college, we broke up for a while.

00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,638

It seems her father,

your grandfather...

00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:08,432

...wanted her to travel around Europe

like he did.

00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,352

Of course, he got to do it

on Uncle Sam's nickel...

00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,773

...because he was also strafing

German troop trains at the time.

00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,024

However...

00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,586

[VIDEO RESUMES]

00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,140

[HUMMING "STAR WARS" THEME]

00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:00,609

Okay, here we go.

00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,946

I am Jabba's prisoner.

And you...

00:22:04,614 --> 00:22:07,116

...have a really weird look

on your face.

00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,743

What? Honey, what is it?

00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,411

Did I get the hair wrong?

00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,039

Or what? Did you just

picture it differently? What?

00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:17,043

No, no. It's, um...

It's not you. It's, um...

00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:26,052

What is it? Come on, sweetie.

You're, like, freaking me out here.

00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:28,346

[SIGHS]

00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:31,307

I hate Chandler.

The bastard ruined my life!

00:22:38,148 --> 00:22:40,149

[English - US - SDH]