Эпизод с кроватью в виде гоночного автомобиля

00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:08,924

...nobody is allowed

to climb on the dinosaur.

00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,427

But of course,

this went right in one ear...

00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:14,346

RACHEL: I love how he cares so much

about stuff.

00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:18,475

If I squint, I can pretend he's Alan Alda.

00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,897

MONICA:

Oh, good. Another dinosaur story.

00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,027

When are those gonna become extinct?

00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,658

CHANDLER: If I was a superhero

who could fly and be invisible...

00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,077

...that would be the best.

00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:44,293

GUNTHER:

What does Rachel see in this guy?

00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,629

I love Rachel.

00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,593

I wish she was my wife.

00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:57,306

[JOEY HUMMING IN HEAD]

00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,815

PHOEBE:

Who's singing?

00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,158

[HAPPY DAYS THEME PLAYING ON TV]

00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,995

Hey, when you guys were kids

and you played Happy Days...

00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,874

...who were you? I was always Richie.

- I was always Joanie.

00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:10,295

Question: Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers"

the war cry of your neighborhood?

00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,049

Ew, ew! It's the Mattress King.

00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,884

- Don't look. Change the channel.

JOEY: Boo!

00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:18,679

Wait. I want to see this.

After I divorce him...

00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,974

...half of that kingdom

is gonna be mine.

00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,227

Despair fills the mattress showroom.

00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,313

My kingdom is suddenly

without a queen.

00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,065

I'm so depressed...

00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,817

...I'm going to slash...

00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,111

...my prices! Check it out!

00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:38,365

599 for a California king.

499 for a pillow-top queen set.

00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,826

I'm going medieval on prices.

00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,870

What a wank.

00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:47,082

Oh, I cannot believe he's using

our divorce to sell mattresses.

00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:51,420

I know. At 499 for a pillow-top queen,

who cares about the divorce?

00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,922

Those babies will sell themselves.

00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,886

And I'm appalled for you, by the way.

00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:03,432

I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.

00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:12,316

Okay. Okay, Daddy. We'll see you

tomorrow night. Okay, bye-bye.

00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,277

- "We"?

- Ahem.

00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:19,948

- Are, uh, having dinner with my dad

tomorrow night. I hope that's okay.

00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,409

Oh, shoot. Tomorrow's not good.

00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:25,078

I'm supposed to, um, fall off

the Empire State Building...

00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,623

...and land on a bicycle

with no seat, so...

00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,419

Ross, my father doesn't hate you.

00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,631

Please. He refers to me as "Wet-Head."

00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:39,259

Honey, he calls everybody

by a nickname.

00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:42,721

Okay, look, I know. Just one dinner.

Please, one night. For me. Please?

00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,724

I just want him to love you like I do.

00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,852

All right. Well, not exactly like I do.

00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,688

But if you do come to dinner...

00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,234

...I'll love you like I do

in that black thing that you like.

00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,361

I'll go.

00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,492

- Fine.

- Thank you.

00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,497

Hi, Gunther.

00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,707

Yeah. We'll see.

00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:14,336

- Hey, you guys.

CHANDLER: Hey.

00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,088

RACHEL: Hey. Hey.

- Guess what.

00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,881

- I got a gig.

- Great.

00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:21,593

See, that's why I can never be an actor.

Because I can't say "gig."

00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,013

Yeah, I can't say "croissant."

Oh, my God.

00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,809

- What's the part?

- It's not a part. No.

00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,979

I'm teaching Acting for Soap Operas

at the Learning Extension.

00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,397

Come on. That's great.

00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:36,149

It's like my chance

to give something back...

00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,485

...to the acting community.

00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,905

You know, you're probably not allowed

to sleep with any of your students.

00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,537

I know.

00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,795

Ugh. I don't know, Monica.

It feels funny just being here.

00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,756

I mean, if you buy a bed

from Janice's ex-husband...

00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,675

...that's like betraying Chandler.

00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,052

Not at these prices.

00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,183

Hi.

00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:14,104

You know, in England this car would be

on the other side of the store.

00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,527

Whoosh.

00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,406

Oh, oh, oh.

00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,825

Phoebe, come here.

00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,952

Ah, this is my new bed.

00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,913

You gotta feel this bad boy.

00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:35,208

Ugh. Monica, it still feels so weird,

you know?

00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,877

Chandler's your friend. Oh.

00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,086

[GASPS]

00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,588

Oh, my God.

00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:45,385

Oh. All right, take this bed.

You can make other friends. Oh.

00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,103

Good evening.

00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,773

I am Mr. Tribbiani.

00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,777

And I will be teaching

Acting for Soap Operas.

00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,820

Now, um...

00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:09,409

...on my first day as Dr. Drake

Ramoray on Days of our Lives...

00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:15,332

...uh, ahem, I learned that

one of the most important things...

00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,502

...in soap opera acting is reacting.

00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:21,380

This does not mean acting again.

00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:26,051

It means you don't have a line,

but someone else just did.

00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,595

And it goes something like this. Ahem.

00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,306

[GASPS]

00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,020

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,023

By the way, before I forget.

To work in soap operas...

00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,235

...some of you are gonna have to become

much more attractive.

00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,154

All right, moving right along...

00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,868

- Hi.

- Hey.

00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:55,664

- Oh! How was teaching last night?

- Oh, it was great. You get to say stuff like:

00:06:55,873 --> 00:07:00,419

"Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you.

I dismiss you."

00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,296

- Oh, nice.

- Yeah.

00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,799

Oh, and guess what.

I got an audition for All My Children.

00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,968

- Oh, yay!

- Yeah, it's this great part.

00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,678

This boxer named Nick.

00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,597

And I'm so, so right for it, you know?

He's just like me...

00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,599

...except that he's a boxer...

00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,393

...and has an evil twin.

00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:17,894

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,271

Oh.

00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,275

Dum-datta-dum.

00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,695

Hear ye, hear ye.

Delivery from the Mattress King.

00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,740

You Miss Geller?

00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,076

- Okay.

- Sign here.

00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,037

- Ooh. Do I have a middle name?

- Mm-hm.

00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,374

All right. Monica Felula...

00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,293

...Geller.

00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,462

It's that bedroom there.

00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,548

[CHUCKLES]

00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,217

Hey, Monica bought a bed

from the Mattress King?

00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:52,721

Yeah. So please, please, please

don't say anything to Chandler.

00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,682

- You want me to lie to Chandler?

- Is that a problem?

00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,392

No.

00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:01,146

Oh, hey, hey, Nick the boxer.

Let's see what you got.

00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,064

- Yeah.

- All right, put them up. Come on.

00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:05,650

- Hey, you're pretty good at this.

- Ha, ha.

00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,944

Yeah, I had to learn.

I was staying at the Y...

00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,739

...and some of the young men

weren't acting Christian enough.

00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,203

Hey, now. Hey.

00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:19,331

- Ow. And I'm bleeding. Okay, great.

- Oh, oh!

00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,083

Wow. And I'm a vegetarian.

00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,712

All right, I'm sorry.

We'll put some ice on it.

00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,964

- Put your head back. Ooh.

- Okay. All right.

00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,758

- I can't see.

- I have you.

00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,051

Oh, God.

00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,888

DELIVERY MAN: Which bedroom

do you want it in, Ms. Geller?

00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:38,308

Oh. It's the compulsively neat one

by the window, okay?

00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,101

Gotcha.

00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,693

Hi, Daddy.

00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,654

This is where they put us?

00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:53,782

What? There was no table

available in the kitchen?

00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,618

- Hello, baby.

- You remember Ross.

00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,787

- Mm-hm.

- Nice to see you again, Dr. Green.

00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,122

So.

00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,005

- How's the library?

- Uh, museum.

00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:13,343

- What happened to the library?

- There never was a library.

00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,137

I mean, there are libraries.

It's just that I, um...

00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:18,807

I've never worked at one. Ha, ha.

00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,603

You know what's really good here?

00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,146

- The lobster.

- Mm.

00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:29,568

- What do you say? Shall I just order three?

- Yeah, if you're really hungry. Ha, ha.

00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,116

It was a joke. I made a joke.

00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:40,245

Yeah, actually, Daddy,

Ross is allergic to lobster.

00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,080

What kind of person's

allergic to lobster?

00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,000

I guess the kind of person

that works in a library. Ha, ha.

00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,835

- It's not...

- I know. It's a museum.

00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,671

What, you're the only who can make a joke?

At least mine was funny.

00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,840

Uh, waiter.

00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,968

We will have two lobsters and a menu.

00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:01,641

So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?

00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,685

They found rust.

00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,814

- Do you know what rust does to a boat?

- Gives it a nice antique-y look?

00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:16,448

Rust is boat cancer, Ross.

00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,074

Wow, I'm sorry.

00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,577

When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.

Ha, ha.

00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:28,376

Excuse me for a moment,

will you, please?

00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,879

I wanna say good night

to the Levines before we go.

00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,714

Okay.

00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,886

Honey, stop. It's not that bad.

00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,013

Yeah. Oh.

00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,724

Uh-oh. I think your dad

must have added wrong.

00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,559

He only tipped, like, 4 percent.

00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,561

Yeah. Ahem, that's Daddy.

00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:51,316

"That's Daddy"? Doesn't it

bother you? You're a waitress.

00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,109

Yes, it bothers me, Ross.

00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,570

But, you know, if he was a regular

at the coffee house...

00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,405

...I'd be serving him sneezers.

00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,158

- So?

- So, Ross...

00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:04,329

...I've bugged him about this

a million times. He's not gonna change.

00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,873

Do you really serve people sneezers?

00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,668

Ahem, well, um, I don't.

00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,671

- All right, kids. Ready?

- Yes.

00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,632

- Thanks again, Dr. Green.

- Uh-huh.

00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,181

Wait, wait, wait,

I think I forgot my receipt.

00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,225

- Oh, you don't need that.

- Ahem, why not?

00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:29,562

The carbon. It's messy. I mean,

gets on your fingers and causes...

00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,272

...the, uh, night blindness.

00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,277

What is this?

00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,321

Who put a 20 down here?

00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,740

- Huh?

- Oh, yeah, that would be me.

00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,951

Um, I have... I have a problem.

00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,286

I tip way too much, way, way too much.

00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,539

- It's a sickness, really.

- Yeah, it is. It is.

00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,792

- We have to do something about that.

- Excuse me.

00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,044

You think I'm cheap?

00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,505

- He didn't mean anything by that.

- Huh?

00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:59,426

- He really didn't.

- Nothing I do means anything. Really.

00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,930

This is nice. I pay $200 for dinner.

00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:07,434

You put down 20 and you come out

looking like Mr. Big-Shot.

00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,352

- You really wanna be Mr. Big-Shot?

- Oh.

00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:14,399

Here. I'll tell you what. You pay the

whole bill, Mr. Big-Shot. All right?

00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:20,613

Well, "Mr. Big-Shot"

is better than "Wet-Head."

00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,325

Okay, some tricks of the trade.

00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,828

Now, I've never been able to cry

as an actor...

00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,581

...so if I'm in a scene

where I have to cry...

00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,666

...I cut a hole in my pocket...

00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,043

...take a pair of tweezers...

00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,337

...and just start pulling.

00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,010

Okay. Or uh...

Or let's say I want to convey...

00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:45,096

...that I've, uh,

just done something evil.

00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:49,267

Well, that would be your basic I've-got-a

fish-hook-in-my-eyebrow-and-I-like-it.

00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:57,025

No? Okay.

Let's say I've just gotten bad news.

00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:02,363

Well, all I do there

is try and divide 232 by 13.

00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,791

And that's how it's done.

00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,335

Great soap opera acting

tonight, everybody.

00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,253

Class dismissed.

00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,965

- Hey, Mr. Trib.

- Hey.

00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,176

Guess what. I got an audition.

00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,805

Oh. One of my students got an audition.

I'm so proud.

00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,892

I was wondering if you would consider

coaching me for it.

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,895

- Oh, you bet. What's the part?

- Oh, it's great.

00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,898

It's a role on All My Children.

Nick the boxer.

00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,909

Had to do it, didn't you?

You couldn't leave it alone.

00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:52,580

Four percent, okay? I tip more than that

when there's a bug in my food.

00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:55,625

Ross, tonight was about the two of you

getting along.

00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:56,918

BOTH:

Ugh.

00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,628

Would you see

my chiropractor already?

00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:02,882

Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went

to medical school in a mini-mall.

00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,222

Hey, Pheebs. What are you doing?

00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,225

I'm... I'm freaking out.

00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:18,147

Monica kind of trusted me with something

and she shouldn't have.

00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,276

All right, I haven't lived here in a while,

so I have to ask you.

00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,820

Does Monica still turn the lights on

in her bedroom?

00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,907

- Ahem. Yeah.

- I am so dead.

00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,453

All right, look,

here's the bottom line, Ross.

00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,164

This is fixable if we act fast, okay?

00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:38,126

So I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow

and you can make nice.

00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,546

Honey, I have tried to make nice.

It doesn't work.

00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,882

Okay. Look,

I realize my father is difficult...

00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,677

...but that's why you have got to be

the bigger man here.

00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,556

Look, sweetie, I could be the bigger man.

I could be the biggest man.

00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:55,435

I could be a big, huge, giant man

and it still wouldn't make a difference.

00:14:55,644 --> 00:15:00,023

Except that I could pick your father up

and say, "Like me. Like me, tiny doctor."

00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:05,320

Okay, well, can't you just try it

one more time, Ross? For me? For me?

00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:08,114

Rachel, one brunch

is not gonna solve anything.

00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,575

You've gotta face it.

We're never gonna get along.

00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,994

Okay, well, you are just going to have to.

00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,748

Okay? I've already got a mother and father

who cannot stay in the same room.

00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,917

I don't want to have

a separate room for you too.

00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,169

Okay, okay. Okay.

00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,671

I'll get the bagels.

00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,261

What's this?

00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:34,015

Isn't it cool? Vroom. Vroom.

00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,726

This is not the bed I ordered.

00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:40,688

I know. You must have won,

like, a contest or something.

00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,023

[MIMICKING RACING CAR]

00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,733

Phoebe.

00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,277

Why is this car in my bedroom?

00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,529

I'm sorry, okay. I wasn't looking...

00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,741

...and the store said that they won't

take it back because you signed for it.

00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,702

- When did I sign for it?

- When I was you.

00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,539

You know what? It's all Joey's fault

because he left his nose open.

00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,751

Did you make brownies today?

00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:04,504

CHANDLER:

Knock, knock.

00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,674

Quick. Take off your dress.

He won't notice the bed.

00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,719

Hey, I'm going for sushi.

Does anybody want, uh...?

00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,221

[LAUGHING]

00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,599

Whoa. Somebody missed the off-ramp.

00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,521

It's Monica's bed. What?

00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,398

Okay...

00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,234

It's a race car.

00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:30,113

So? This has always been Monica's bed.

What, you're just noticing now?

00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,906

How self-involved are you?

00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,660

Okay, well, if this bed isn't new...

00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,371

...then how come there's plastic

on the mattress?

00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,458

Sometimes I have bad dreams.

00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,006

[SOBBING]

Look...

00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:52,719

...I just saw my best friend's brain

smeared across the canvas.

00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,512

It's not gonna be me.

00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,472

Not me.

00:16:57,891 --> 00:16:59,225

Wow.

00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,812

That was good. That was...

00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,481

- Tweezers?

- No.

00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:06,774

Oh, wow.

00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,945

- That was really good.

- Thanks.

00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,697

Any suggestions?

00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,158

Hmm, I...

00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,331

You told him to play the boxer gay?

00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:30,298

Well, I might have said "super-gay."

00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,259

You totally screwed him over.

00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:36,471

Joey, you're this guy's teacher.

I mean, how could you do this?

00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,723

Because, Monica, the guy's so good.

00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,184

And I really, really want this part.

00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:44,353

Well, if you really, really want it,

then it's okay.

00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,566

- Hi, Daddy.

- Baby.

00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:54,072

- Ross?

- Dr. Green, how are you?

00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,409

Thanks for dinner last night.

00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,204

Thank you for teaching me

a valuable lesson.

00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,956

Nice hair. What did you do, swim here?

00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,088

Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore.

00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,798

What, what? He's interested in you.

00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:15,384

- He just wants to know how you got here.

- Oh, please.

00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:19,180

- Sweetie, it's hopeless. I'm just gonna go.

- What? Ross.

00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,349

- I'm sorry. It's just...

GREEN: Ross?

00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,101

What's with the neck?

00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:26,145

He's got this thing and I keep

telling him to go to my chiropractor.

00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,231

You still going to that chiropractor?

00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,775

That man couldn't get into med school

in lxtapa.

00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:34,237

Yeah, thank you.

That's what I keep saying.

00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:38,199

Excuse me, ahem, Dr. Bobby happens

to be an excellent doctor.

00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,577

Wait a minute. His name is Dr. Bobby?

00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,081

- Well, that's his last name.

- And his first name.

00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,542

He's Bobby Bobby?

00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,795

Ahem. It's Robert Bobby.

00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,213

Oh.

00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,966

And, um, excuse me. He helps me.

00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,344

- Oh. Please. Ask her how?

- What do you need help for?

00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,805

With my alignment.

One leg's shorter than the other.

00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,224

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah. Argue with that.

00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,601

What? It's true.

My right leg is two inches shorter.

00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:07,979

Come on, you're just tilting.

00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,190

- Her legs are fine.

- I know that.

00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:14,235

- So why do you let her go to a chiropractor?

- I'm sorry, "Let her"?

00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,947

What can I do? She doesn't listen to me

about renter's insurance, either.

00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,992

Wait a minute.

You don't have renter's insurance?

00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,079

- No. Ahem.

- So, what if somebody steals something?

00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:29,917

How you gonna run after him

with one leg shorter than the other?

00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,335

[BOTH LAUGHING]

00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,383

Hey, would you, uh...?

Would you like some juice?

00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,969

- I'd love some juice.

- Okay.

00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:44,140

Well, this is going so well.

Did you see us? Did you see?

00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,893

Yeah, honey. I was standing right there.

00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,770

Why don't you tell him about the mole

I haven't gotten checked?

00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,272

Excellent.

00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,237

There will come a time

in each of your careers...

00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:02,491

...when you'll have a chance to screw over

another soap opera actor.

00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,954

I had such an opportunity

in the recent present.

00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,459

And I'm ashamed to say...

00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,252

...that I took it.

00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:18,633

I advised a fellow actor to play a role...

00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,552

...homosexually.

00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:25,973

Yeah.

00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,560

We both auditioned for the part and, uh...

00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,980

...as it turned out...

00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,399

...they...

00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:40,029

They liked the stupid gay thing

and cast him.

00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,991

And now...

00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:47,078

...he's got a two-year contract...

00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,581

...opposite Susan Lucci...

00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:53,918

...the first lady of daytime television.

00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,170

And me?

00:20:56,672 --> 00:21:00,466

Me, I'm stuck here teaching

a bunch of people...

00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,970

[SOBBING]... most of whom are too ugly

to even be on TV.

00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,933

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,319

Thank you.

00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,200

- Uh, may I help you?

- Yes, hi.

00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,786

I'm the lady who got stuck

with the race-car bed.

00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:33,374

Look, it's like I told you.

There's nothing I can do.

00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:37,837

You signed for it.

"Monica Felula Geller."

00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,715

All right, jester man, look,

we wanna see the king.

00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,842

Nobody sees the king.

00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,928

Okay. I'm talking to the king.

00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,097

Hey, you can't go back there.

00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:57,732

Oh, my God.

00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:09,076

[MIMICKING RACE CAR]

00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:13,706

Hey, watch it, lady.

00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:15,583

[MIMICKING RACE CAR]

00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:21,922

Hey, good-looking.

00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:25,843

[HONKING HORN]

00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:28,012

[MIMICKING RACE CAR]

00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,559

All right, I'll leave.

00:22:33,727 --> 00:22:35,978

My bed's so boring.

00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,196

[English - US - SDH]