Эпизод со всей этой ревностью

00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,964

- Does everybody hate these shoes?

CHANDLER: Oh, yeah.

00:00:07,132 --> 00:00:12,011

But I don't think anybody's gonna focus on

that as long as you wear that towel dress.

00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:13,971

Tell him.

00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:18,350

It's her first day at this new job.

You're not supposed to start with her.

00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,854

All right. I suppose I can wait a day.

00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,815

- Hey, what are you doing Friday?

- Why?

00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:28,152

I need you to come to this bachelor party

for my weird cousin Albert.

00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:29,820

You know, he's the botanist?

00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,449

Oh, God. Yeah, botanists are such geeks.

00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,284

Yeah.

00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,493

Is that a dinosaur tie?

00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,745

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:40,330

[ROARS THEN GROWLS]

00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,041

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,709

- Morning.

CHANDLER: Hey.

00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,962

Hey. Rach, I'm here with the purses.

00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,966

It must take you forever

to find your keys.

00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,468

Thank you, thank you, Pheebs.

00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,471

Oh, you're welcome.

Oh, please want the one with the turtles.

00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:58,432

No, no, no, turtles scare me.

I don't need that today.

00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,436

Honey, just relax. It's gonna be fine.

00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,230

Hey, why don't I come down there

and take you to lunch?

00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:08,025

Aw, honey, thank you,

but Mark's taking me out.

00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:12,071

Mark? Is that the same Mark

that helped you get the job?

00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:15,699

Yeah. It's kind of like a

"good luck on your first day" sort of thing.

00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,201

Is this actually a lunch box?

00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,662

Um, no, it's a purse.

And there's a thermos in it.

00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,122

Oh.

00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,751

- Hey, so can you make it on Friday?

ROSS: What?

00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,545

Oh, yeah, I think so.

Why am I invited to this again?

00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:30,464

- Apparently, Albert has no friends.

ROSS: Oh.

00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,424

He's excited about the bachelor party,

though.

00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,427

I think the only reason he's getting married

is so he can see a stripper.

00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,804

[ROSS CHUCKLES]

00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:41,308

A stripper at a bachelor party.

That is so cliché.

00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,186

Why don't you guys get a magician?

00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:48,732

If a magician can open my beer

with his butt cheeks, then all right.

00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,200

She's having lunch with him?

Lunch with him?

00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,203

You should've seen the hug he gave her

when she got the job.

00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,081

And he's really good-looking.

00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,002

- What am I gonna do?

- You don't do anything.

00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,796

Keep it inside.

Learn how to hide your feelings.

00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,716

Don't cry out loud.

00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,511

Yes! Unh!

00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,014

Guess who has an audition

for a Broadway musical.

00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,726

I wanna say you,

but it seems like such an easy answer.

00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,269

It is me.

00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,230

It's a musical version

of A Tale of Two Cities.

00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,691

So I think I'm gonna sing

"New York, New York"...

00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:16,778

...and, uh, oh,

"I Left My Heart in San Francisco."

00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:23,202

Uh, Joey, I don't think

you get to pick the cities.

00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:27,080

- What?

- Mr. Dickens gets to pick them.

00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,250

Who?

00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,337

I'll get you the CliffsNotes.

00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,297

The what?

00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:36,924

The abridgment.

00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:40,135

Oh, okay. Ha, ha.

00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,304

The what?

00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,560

Then the style number...

00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:52,773

...the invoice number,

and the shipping date.

00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,900

Good. Any questions so far?

00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,319

Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?

00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:02,032

- Ha, ha. Twenty percent.

- Oh. I love this job. Ha, ha.

00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,450

[PHONE RINGS]

00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,160

- Ah! My first call.

- Here, let me.

00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,037

Okay.

00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,207

- Rachel Green's line. How may I help you?

- Hi, is Rachel there?

00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,335

- And who may I say is calling?

- [OVER PHONE] This is Ross.

00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,544

Ross of?

00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:18,090

Of "Ross and Rachel."

00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,384

Oh. Hi, it's Mark.

00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,594

- Oh, hey, Mark. Heh. Hey.

MARK [OVER PHONE]: Hey.

00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,096

- Hey, hold on a second.

- Uh, okay.

00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,430

MARK: It's Ross.

RACHEL: Okay.

00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:27,891

- Hi, honey.

- Hi.

00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,686

What's Mark doing

answering your phone?

00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,688

[OVER PHONE]

Oh, he's just goofing around.

00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,774

Oh, that's funny.

00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:40,070

Why isn't he goofing around

in his own office?

00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:44,324

Ha, ha. Honey, this is his office too.

I told you, we're Joanna's two assistants.

00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,743

Why does Joanna need two assistants?

00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,204

How lazy is she?

00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,416

- Oh. Oh, my God. What did I just do?

- What?

00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,710

I think I just shipped 3000 bras

to Personnel.

00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,712

Honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you.

00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,131

Okay. Bye-bye.

00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,758

Ow! Ross!

00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,428

Huh? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

I was just trying to...

00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:07,472

Uh, I was dialing another number.

00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:24,281

All right, I just got changed in 30 seconds

so you could be alone with him.

00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:28,076

- You better go for it.

- Please. I'm not going for anything.

00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:31,621

- Well, if you don't, I will.

- Would you please go?

00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,041

Night, Mon.

00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,502

- Night, Julio.

- Adiós.

00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:50,807

Look, Julio,

someone left their book here.

00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,726

Actually, that is mine.

00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,227

- Oh, yeah?

- Yes.

00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,812

What are you reading?

00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:59,524

Flowers of Evil by Baudelaire.

Have you read it?

00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,444

Ha, ha. Have I read it?

00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,864

No. Are you enjoying it?

00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,951

I thought that I would,

but the translation's no good.

00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,161

[LAUGHS]

00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:13,080

You're a poet and you don't know it.

00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,212

Actually, I, uh... I am a poet.

00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,631

Oh. Ha, ha.

00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,883

So you do know it. Ha, ha.

00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,593

[MONICA CLEARS THROAT]

00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:33,350

Ahem. So, uh, what kind of things

do you write about?

00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:35,727

Things that move me.

00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,938

The shadow of a tree...

00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,232

...a child laughing...

00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,360

...or this lip.

00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,529

Mine?

00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:47,656

Right here?

00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:53,453

I could write an epic poem about this lip.

00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,128

How would that go?

00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,141

Well, it didn't rhyme, ha, ha...

00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,392

...but I liked it.

00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:24,025

[SINGING]

You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys

00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:31,199

You've got to pick a pocket or two

00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,456

Lovely. Just lovely.

00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,249

Really? Thanks.

00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,919

Listen, Joey, we definitely wanna see you

for the callback on Saturday.

00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,379

Excellent.

00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,339

- I'll be there.

- Ha, ha. Okay.

00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:49,926

And listen, don't forget to bring

your jazz shoes for the dance audition.

00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:57,434

Uh, my agent said

that it wasn't a dancing part.

00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,479

Joey, all the roles gotta dance a little.

Ha, ha.

00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,815

But believe me, with your

dance background, it'll be a piece of cake.

00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:07,277

Three years of modern dance

with Twyla Tharp?

00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,239

Five years with

the American Ballet Theatre?

00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,703

Hey, everybody lies

on their résumé, okay?

00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,581

I wasn't one of the Zoom kids either.

00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:22,626

Well, can you, like, dance at all?

00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:25,253

Yeah, I can dance. You know:

00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,306

Oh, no, no, no.

00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,017

What is that?

00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,354

Sure, it looks stupid now.

There's no music playing.

00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,022

[PHONE RINGING]

00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,483

All right, I have to get that. But no, no.

00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,319

Hello?

00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,655

Hi. Ha, ha.

00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:56,910

Yeah, listen, I'm in need of a stripper,

and I was told that you do that.

00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,663

[CHUCKLING]

00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,875

Let me ask you this.

What do you do for the extra hundred?

00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:09,005

So would I have to provide the grapes?

00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,174

- Hi.

- Ooh.

00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,260

How was last night with Julio, señorita?

Ha, ha.

00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:14,886

It was so amazing.

00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,139

He's so sexy and smart,

which makes him even sexier.

00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,892

Oh, my gosh.

Last night we were fooling around...

00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,104

...and all of a sudden he stops

to write a poem.

00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,857

Get out.

I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.

00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:34,906

Okay, we have our stripper,

a Miss Crystal Chandelier.

00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,535

Well, sure. You name a kid that,

what do you expect them to grow up to be?

00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,665

Ahem. Anyway, when he left

he forgot to take the poem with him.

00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:48,420

Now, I am totally dense about poetry,

but I think this is pretty good, all right?

00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,339

Check it out. Read it.

00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,842

"The Empty Vase."

00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,176

Translucent beauty...

00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,178

To yourself.

00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,893

- Hey, you know, that's pretty good.

- Yeah, I think so too. Phoebe?

00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:06,563

- Oh, yeah.

- Oh, great. I'm so glad you guys like it.

00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,774

- Yay. All right, I gotta go to work.

- No, no. I'm not done.

00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,652

Give it back when you're through.

00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,446

- Okay, see you guys.

- Bye-bye.

00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,947

PHOEBE:

Bye.

00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,450

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Poor Monica.

00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,910

- What? What? What?

PHOEBE: What?

00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:23,496

He was with her

when he wrote this poem. Look.

00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:26,499

My vessel so lovely

With nothing inside

00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:29,586

Now that I've touched you

You seem emptier still

00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:32,672

He thinks Monica's empty.

She's the empty vase.

00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,217

- You really think that's what he meant?

- Totally.

00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,137

Oh, God.

Oh, and she seems so happy too.

00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,181

Done.

00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,027

Do you have the Ralph Lauren file?

00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,946

Oh, yeah, sure. It's, uh right...

00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,115

[FRANCIS LAI'S "LOVE STORY" PLAYING

ON SPEAKER]

00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,286

What's that?

00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,747

Uh, it's from Ross. It's a love bug.

00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,956

[CHUCKLES]

00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:10,460

Wow. Somebody wants people to know

you have a boyfriend.

00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,630

Oh, no. No, no, no.

That's not what he's doing.

00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,675

- He's just really romantic.

- Okay.

00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,135

Excuse me. Are you Rachel Green?

00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,512

Yes, I am.

00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,721

[PLAYS TONE]

00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:22,972

One, two, three.

00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,183

QUARTET [SINGING]:

Congratulations on your first week

00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,810

At your brand-new job

00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,770

It won't be long

Before you're the boss

00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,021

[SCATTING]

00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,899

And you know who will be there

To support you

00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,484

Your one and only boyfriend

00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,277

It's nice to have a boyfriend.

00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,323

Your loyal, loving boyfriend, Ross

Ross!

00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,790

I'm hurt. I'm actually hurt...

00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:53,002

...that you'd think I'd send you those things

out of anything other than love.

00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,796

Hurt.

00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,258

- Hurt.

- All right, Ross, I get it. You're hurt.

00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:03,763

Can't a guy send a barbershop quartet

to his girlfriend's office anymore?

00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:07,934

Oh, please. Ross, it was so obvious.

00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,103

It was like you were marking

your territory.

00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:14,858

I mean, you might as well have just come in

and peed all around my desk.

00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,445

I would never do that.

00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,032

Look, I know

what's going on here, okay?

00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,495

Mark explained it all to me.

He said this is what you guys do.

00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:31,499

Yeah, well, if Mark said that,

then Mark's an idiot.

00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,001

Mark's a genius.

00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:37,130

- Why? How? How is he a genius?

- Look, don't you see what's happening?

00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:40,425

Instead of hitting on her right away,

he's becoming her confidant.

00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,053

Now he's gonna be the guy that she goes to

to complain about you.

00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,430

What am I gonna do?

00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,557

Well, why don't you send her

a musical bug?

00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,976

Oh, no, you already did that.

00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,981

All right, look, you're gonna have to

go there yourself now, okay?

00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,776

- Make a few surprise visits.

- I don't know, you guys.

00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:00,445

Fine, don't do anything.

Just sit here and talk to us.

00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:04,949

Meanwhile, she is talking to him about you.

And he's being Mr. Joe-Sensitive.

00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:09,287

She starts thinking, "Maybe this is the guy

for me because he understands me."

00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,456

And before you know it, she's with him.

00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,459

And you'll be all, "Oh, man."

00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,795

And he'll be all, "Yes!"

00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,633

And us, we'll be like, "Oh, dude."

00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,012

And pretty soon you'll be like:

00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,264

[IN SAD VOICE]

"Hi."

00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:34,229

And, "Well, I can't go.

Rachel and Mark might be there."

00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,149

[IN NORMAL VOICE] And we'll be like,

"Man, get over it. It's been four years."

00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,279

He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?

00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,618

Here's the Shelli Segal stuff

for December.

00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:51,788

- Oh, wait, I've got something for you.

- What? Oh... Mark.

00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,832

It's okay. Rachel knows.

00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,167

Yeah, but even so... Ha, ha.

00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,546

I can't help it. I'm just crazy about you.

00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,799

Oh, that is so sweet.

00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:04,801

MARK:

Okay, okay.

00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,720

I know I'm Mr. Inappropriate today,

but it's just so tough.

00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:11,057

I see you walking around,

and I just wanna touch and hold you.

00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,018

- Aw.

- Come on, no one's around. Just kiss me.

00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:17,856

- All right, that's it. Get off. Get off of her.

- What is going on?

00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,817

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,861

Ross.

00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:31,953

I have been down in your store

for 20 minutes, trying to get a tie.

00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,791

What do I have to do

to get some service?

00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,420

Hi, Rach.

00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,847

Uh, Joey? Joey Tribbiani?

00:14:56,312 --> 00:15:00,023

Listen, Joey, I got a problem.

I just got a call from my dance captain.

00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:03,359

He's having a relationship crisis

and can't get out of Long Island.

00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,653

So does that mean the audition's off?

00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:09,407

Listen, Joey,

seeing as you've got the most experience...

00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,161

...I want you to take these dancers

and teach them the combination.

00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,705

What?

00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,248

Oh, Joey, come on, it's easy.

00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:22,086

You know, it's hand, hand, head, head...

00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,088

...up, pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée...

00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,883

...big turn here, rond de jambe,

sissonne, sissonne...

00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,385

...slide, step, step...

00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,471

...and jazz hands.

00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,310

So that's steppity-step and jazz hands.

00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,479

Have fun.

00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,314

Bye.

00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,902

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,570

- What are you wrapping?

- Oh.

00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,156

Look what I got Julio.

00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:55,995

- Yeah, it's a vase.

- Yeah.

00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:57,538

Just like the one in the poem.

00:15:57,706 --> 00:16:01,000

Yeah, well,

not exactly like the one in the poem.

00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:02,585

What do you mean?

00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,463

Remember how you said

you were really dense about poetry?

00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,465

Yeah.

00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,592

Oh.

00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:16,516

- So I'm just an empty vase, huh?

- What?

00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:19,060

So I don't read as many important books

as you do.

00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:23,815

I don't write poems that seem to be about

one thing but are about something else.

00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,526

And you know what?

I get excited about stupid stuff...

00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:29,070

...like when my People magazine comes

on Saturday...

00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,948

...and the new Hold Everything catalog.

00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,700

But that does not mean I'm empty.

00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:36,452

I care about things.

I care about my friends and family.

00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,871

You have no right

to make that judgment about me.

00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,957

- You don't even know me.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,251

The poem is not about you.

00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,381

- What?

- "The Empty Vase" is not about you.

00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,633

My baby preciosa.

00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,094

You make me so sad

that you would think this.

00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:59,976

- I'm sorry. It's... My friend Phoebe said...

JULIO: No, it's...

00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,228

It's about all women.

00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,150

Well, heh, all American women.

00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:10,403

You feel better now?

00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,031

Oh, yeah.

00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,201

All right, let's do it.

00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,037

[UPBEAT SHOW TUNE PLAYING

ON PIANO]

00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,056

No, no, no.

00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,141

What was that?

00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,894

I know,

it's the best I could get out of them.

00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:48,649

- Well, people.

- People, people, people.

00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:53,446

Let's try it again.

And this time, let's everybody watch Joey.

00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,200

Show them how it's done.

00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,873

Count it off, Mack.

00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,833

[UPBEAT SHOW TUNE PLAYING

ON PIANO]

00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,930

So did you have fun

at the bachelor party last night?

00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,598

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look what I got.

00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,642

- See, she's fully dressed, right?

- Right.

00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:26,229

And then you click it and,

uh-oh, she's naked.

00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:30,691

And then you click it again

and she's dressed.

00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,277

She's a business woman,

walking down the street.

00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,030

She's window shopping,

and, oh, oh, oh, she's naked.

00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,705

Hi.

00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,999

Hello.

00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,920

You know what? I'm gonna spend

some alone time with the pen.

00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:03,057

I'm sorry. I was an idiot.

00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:06,435

- A big idiot.

- A big idiot. Heh.

00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:12,024

It's just, you have to realize,

this whole Mark thing is really hard for me.

00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:15,903

Honey, why is it hard?

We've been together for almost a year now.

00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:22,410

Well, I was with Carol for like eight years,

and I lost her.

00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:26,247

And now, if it's possible,

I think I love you even more.

00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,042

So it's hard for me to believe

I'm not gonna...

00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:34,088

Well, that someone else

isn't gonna take you away.

00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,258

Let it be me. Let it be me.

00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,224

Honey, that's very sweet.

00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:49,228

It just seems to me, though,

that if two people love each other...

00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:51,898

...and trust each other, like we do...

00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,275

...there's no reason to be jealous.

00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,660

I gotta get going. Bye, Chandler.

00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:05,870

Oh, okay, Ross.

00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,916

Listen, this pen's getting kind of boring,

so can you pick me up some porn?

00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,087

- Where you going?

- I've gotta go pick up Ben.

00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,923

We've got a playdate this afternoon.

00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,758

Oh. With who?

00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,594

Just this woman I met last night

at the party.

00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,429

There was a woman at?

00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:26,933

The stripper?

00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,602

Yeah.

00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,146

You have a playdate with a stripper?

00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,816

Man, I gotta get a kid.

00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,029

[LAUGHING]

00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,366

Uh, yeah, yeah.

00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,244

We started talking after she,

you know, did her thing...

00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,788

...and it turns out she's got a boy

about Ben's age.

00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:50,915

So we're gonna take the kids

to a Gymboree class.

00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,333

- Meh.

RACHEL: Oh.

00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,710

- Is that okay?

- Sure. Is she married?

00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:57,380

- No.

- Huh.

00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,177

Are you jealous?

00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:08,224

No. You know, I just don't see why

she has to play with you, that's all.

00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,101

I mean, doesn't she, you know...

00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,813

...have any other stripper-mom friends

of her own?

00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:21,028

- You are totally jealous.

- Ugh. I'm not jealous, all right?

00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:23,531

This is about...

00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:27,952

...um, people feeling certain things...

00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,288

...you know, about...

00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:31,622

...strippers.

- Oh.

00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,793

- And, you know... And, um... I... Ugh.

- Honey, I love you too.

00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:38,421

- Bye.

- Wait, wait, wait.

00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,047

What?

00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,347

[GRUNTS]

00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:56,272

Well, there's a kiss he won't forget

for a few hours, you know?

00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,732

- Yeah.

- Ha, ha.

00:21:57,899 --> 00:22:01,444

Either that or you just turned him on

and sent him off to a stripper.

00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,785

Is there a Julio here?

00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,329

I am Julio.

00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,080

[SCATTING]

00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:14,832

[SINGING]

Mr. Pretentious

00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:16,834

You think there's no one finer

00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:20,588

Well, your poems are unpublished

And you work in a diner

00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:26,093

QUARTET: You're no God's gift to women

That's all in your head

00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:27,428

You are just a butt-munch

00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:28,804

No one likes a butt-munch.

00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:32,266

And you're also bad in bed

00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,321

[English - US - SDH]