Эпизод с медузой

00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:06,922

...who knew her mom and dad...

00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,383

...and I don't really know

what happened with that.

00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,552

- I'm your mother.

- Huh?

00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,430

JOEY: Monica joked that she wouldn't

go out with a guy like Chandler.

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- Hi there.

JOEY: He couldn't let it go.

00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:20,394

I don't really know what happened with that.

And then Ross' new girlfriend shows up...

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...and Rachel convinced her

to shave her head.

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And then Ross and Rachel kiss.

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And now Ross has to choose

between Rachel and the bald girl.

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And I don't know what happened

there either.

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You know what? Hold on.

Let me go get Chandler.

00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,795

Hi.

00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,464

- Hi.

- Hey.

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Rachel was just helping me out.

My head got all sunburned.

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Aw.

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- Thanks a million.

- Oh, you're welcome a million.

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- Okay, I'll be in our room.

- Uh.

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Oh, my God.

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I know.

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- Okay, I gotta go.

- Whoa. What? Why?

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Uh, I gotta go break up with Bonnie.

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Here? Now?

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Well, yeah, I can't stay here all night.

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And if I go in there,

she's gonna want to...

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...do stuff.

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Can't you just tell here

that you are not in the mood?

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No, she likes that.

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Ha, ha. Yeah, faking sleep

doesn't work either.

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I can't tell you how many mornings

I woke up with her...

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- Oh.

- Oh, okay.

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- Ha, ha. Yeah, why am I telling you?

- I don't know. Ha, ha.

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Uh, uh...

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- It wasn't every morning...

- Oh, making it worse.

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Okay.

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So I guess you'd like to know

how it all happened.

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I mean, well, I think I can figure it out.

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I guess, you know, I was born...

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...and then everyone

started lying their asses off.

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No, no, it wasn't like that.

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I mean, remember how I told you

how Lily and Frank and I, we were close?

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Well, we were very close.

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How close?

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Well, the three of us,

we were kind of a, um... A couple.

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- I don't even know how that would work.

- Well, we...

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I'm not asking.

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Well, anyhow, somehow I got pregnant...

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...and I was...

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...scared. I was stupid and selfish and...

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I was 18 years old.

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I mean, you remember what it was like

to be 18 years old, don't you?

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Yeah. Let's see, my mom had killed herself

and my dad had run off.

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And I was living in a gremlin with a guy

named Cindy, who talked to his hand.

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Oh, I'm so sorry.

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I thought I was leaving you

with the best parents in the world.

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I didn't even hear about your mom and dad

till a couple of years ago.

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And by then, you were already grown-up.

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I don't know. You're here

and I would really...

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I would like to get to know you.

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Yeah, well, everybody does. Ha, ha.

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I'm a really cool person.

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And you know, you had 29 years

to find that out...

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...but you didn't even try.

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You know what? You walked out on me,

and I'm gonna do the same to you.

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- Wait.

- Okay? I don't ever want to see you again.

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[SIGHS]

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Where's my purse?

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Shoot. We're out of soda.

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CHANDLER:

Oh, I'll go out and get you some.

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- Really?

- No, because I'm not your boyfriend.

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Hey, Pheebs, how'd it go?

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Huh. Well, ahem...

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My mom's friend, Phoebe,

is actually my birth mom.

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I found a dried-up seahorse.

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Sweetie, what are you talking about?

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Oh, my new mom,

who's a big fat abandoner.

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Oh, wait, Pheebs.

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Wait a second. Don't you want to stay here

and talk about it?

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No. I just... I wanna...

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I need to be alone.

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- Monica.

- Oh.

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It's over.

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- Oh. Was it awful?

- Well, it was long.

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I didn't even realize how late it was...

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...till I noticed the five o'clock shadow

on her head.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Anyway, she didn't want to stay.

I called a cab. She just left.

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[SIGHS]

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I wrote you a letter.

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Oh, thank you. Ha, ha.

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I like mail.

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There's just some things

I've been thinking about.

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You know, things about us.

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And before we can even think

about the two of us getting back together...

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...I just need to know

how you feel about this stuff.

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- Okay. Heh.

- Okay.

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Well, it's...

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It's 5:30 in the morning. Heh.

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[CHUCKLES]

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So I'd better get cracking on this baby.

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So I'll be waiting for you.

Just come up when you're done.

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Okay. I'll be up...

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...in 18 pages.

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Front and back.

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Very exciting.

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Oh, oh.

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Hey.

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What happened to you?

Why didn't you come up?

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Done.

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- You just finished?

- Well, I wanted to be thorough.

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I mean, this is clearly

very, very important to you. To us.

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And so I wanted to read

every word carefully.

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Twice.

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So, um...

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Does it?

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I'm sorry?

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Does it?

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Yeah, I wanted to give that whole

"Does it?" part just another glance.

00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:11,156

What are you talking about, Ross?

You just said that you read it twice.

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Look, you know what? It either does

or doesn't. And if you have to think...

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No, Rach.

No, I don't have to think about it. I don't.

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Uh, in fact...

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...I've decided. I have decided...

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...that it...

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...does.

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- Are you sure?

- Oh, sure, I'm sure.

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All right. There's a nuclear holocaust.

I'm the last man on earth.

00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,126

Would you go out with me?

00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,628

[CHUCKLES]

00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,089

Ehh.

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I've got canned goods.

00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,219

[CHUCKLES]

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Hey, you guys, take a look at this.

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Check this baby out. Dug me a hole.

00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,813

Excellent hole, Joe.

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Oh, no, no. My hole.

00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,819

Ow! My foot. Ow!

00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,404

What? What is it?

00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:36,074

Jellyfish sting.

Ow, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,285

Well, can we help you,

take you back to the house?

00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,703

Oh, it's, like, two miles.

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Yeah, and I'm a little tired

from digging the hole.

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[SHOUTING]

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Damn the jellyfish.

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Damn all the jellyfish.

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We've gotta do something.

00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,423

There's only one thing you can do.

00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,716

What? What is it?

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You're gonna have to pee on it.

00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:58,054

What? Gross.

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Don't blame me.

I saw it on the Discovery Channel.

00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:04,644

You know what? He's right.

There's something like ammonia in that...

00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,354

...that kills the pain.

00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:10,358

Well, forget it. It doesn't hurt that bad!

00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,403

If you want some privacy,

you can use my hole.

00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,452

Well, I'm ready

to get the hell out of here.

00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:22,537

Oh.

00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,747

Are you...?

00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,373

Are you?

00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,417

Oh, that's so great.

00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:28,877

Ooh, not for Bonnie.

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But for you, yay, aah.

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- Hey.

RACHEL: How was the beach?

00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,219

- Nothing. I don't know.

- Uh, let's not worry about it.

00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,599

ROSS: What happened?

- Nothing.

00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:45,310

- I'm gonna take a shower.

CHANDLER: Me too.

00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,062

JOEY:

Me too.

00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,731

Okay, I'm gonna put this in the car.

00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,901

Oh, I have to go pack. Oh!

00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,987

- And it really does?

- It does.

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It really and truly does.

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Oh.

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It so does not.

00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,940

She wants me to take responsibility...

00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:35,068

...for everything that went wrong

in our relationship.

00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:40,323

I mean, she goes on for five pages

about how I was unfaithful to her.

00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,368

We were on a break!

00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,664

Oh, my God. If you say that one more time,

I'm gonna break up with you.

00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:49,499

All right, fine.

00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:53,044

But this breakup was not all my fault.

And she says here:

00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:56,715

"If you accept full responsibility..."

Full responsibility.

00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,842

"...I can begin to trust you again.

00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,512

Does that seem like something

you can do? Does it?"

00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,558

No?

00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:11,187

Look, Ross, you have what you want.

You're back with Rachel.

00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,357

You're gonna wreck the best thing

that ever happened to you.

00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,819

Yeah, I know. I know, you're right.

00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,447

Yeah, I guess I'll let it go.

00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:24,033

But you understand how hard it is

to forget about this?

00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,744

JOEY:

Sure, it's hard to forget...

00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,122

...but that doesn't mean

you have to talk about it.

00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,332

A lot of things happened on that trip...

00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:35,503

...that we should never, ever talk about.

00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,216

What the hell happened on that beach?

00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,888

It's between us and the sea, Ross.

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,066

- Hi, Ursula.

- Hey.

00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,320

Okay, well, um, I know that

we haven't talked in a long time.

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,490

But, um, okay, our mom

is not our birth mom.

00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,950

This other lady is our birth mom.

00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,245

Right, okay, the one that lives in Montauk.

Mm-hm.

00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:10,789

You know her?

00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,793

No. I, um... I read about her

in Mom's suicide note.

00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,253

There was a suicide note?

00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,297

Well, do you still have it?

00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:21,883

Hang on.

00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:27,305

I can't believe you didn't tell me

there was a suicide note.

00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,724

URSULA:

Yeah, so how have you been doing?

00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,101

I... Shut up.

00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,442

"Goodbye, Phoebe and Ursula.

I'll miss you.

00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:42,403

P.S. Your mom lives in Montauk."

00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,781

You just wrote this.

00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:48,952

Well, it's pretty much the gist.

00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,331

Except for the poem.

You read the poem, right?

00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,166

No.

00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,752

All right. Hang on.

00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,884

Pass the cheese, please.

00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,596

Ugh.

00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,725

My God, you can't even look at me,

can you?

00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,352

No.

00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,147

Yay, it's Phoebe. We can talk to Phoebe.

00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,443

No, I'm too depressed to talk.

00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,654

I'll give you $1000 to talk to us.

00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,031

Hey, you guys...

00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,118

...what do you think about making

that beach trip an annual thing?

00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,120

ALL:

No.

00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,706

All right, that's it, you guys.

What happened out there?

00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:38,251

What? We took a walk.

Nothing happened.

00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,461

I came back with nothing all over me.

00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,132

- Come on, what happened? Joey?

- What does that mean?

00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,259

- All right.

- No.

00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,469

Joey, we swore we'd never tell.

00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,805

They'll never understand.

00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,643

But we have to say something.

00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,770

We have to get it out.

It's eating me alive.

00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:04,193

- Monica got stung by a jellyfish.

- All right.

00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,740

All right.

00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,870

I got stung.

00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,956

Stung bad.

00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,668

I couldn't stand. I...

00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,545

I couldn't walk.

00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,131

We were two miles from the house.

00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,885

We were scared and alone.

00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,346

We didn't think we could make it.

00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,852

I was in too much pain.

00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,271

And I was tired

from digging the huge hole.

00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:45,485

And then Joey remembered something.

00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,905

I'd seen this thing

on the Discovery Channel.

00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,657

Wait a minute, I saw that.

00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:55,370

On the Discovery Channel.

Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you...

00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,791

Ew.

00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,501

You peed on yourself?

00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,503

PHOEBE & RACHEL:

Ew.

00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:07,215

You can't say that. You don't know.

00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,676

I thought I was gonna pass out

from the pain.

00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:13,888

Anyway, I tried, but I couldn't...

00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,139

...bend that way.

00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,394

So...

00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:22,730

RACHEL & ROSS & PHOEBE:

Ew.

00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:27,902

That's right. I stepped up.

00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,074

She's my friend and she needed help.

00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:36,035

If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.

00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,252

Only, uh, I couldn't.

00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,841

I got the stage fright.

00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:54,095

I wanted to help,

but there was just too much pressure...

00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,222

...so I, uh... I turned to Chandler.

00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,849

[CHANDLER SCREECHES]

00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:05,440

Joey kept screaming at me,

"Do it now. Do it. Do it. Do it now."

00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:10,111

Sometimes, late at night,

I can still hear the screaming.

00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,447

[CHUCKLES]

00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:16,617

That's because, sometimes, I just do it

through my wall to freak you out.

00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:21,956

PHOEBE [SINGING]:

And fuchsia and mauve

00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:26,627

Those are the 66 colors of my bedroom

00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,088

Thank you. Thank you.

00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:33,885

Oh, and I invite all of you

to count the colors in your bedroom.

00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,263

Except for you. You go away.

00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,227

I'll go in a second.

00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,480

I just want to tell you...

00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:49,442

...that there hasn't been a day

when I didn't regret giving you up.

00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,778

Okay, bye.

00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,614

No, I'm not done.

00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:58,242

I just want you to know, the reason

I never looked you up was because...

00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,495

...well, I was afraid that you'd react...

00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:04,082

...just, well, like the way

you're reacting now.

00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:07,543

Can't we just, you know, start from here?

Please?

00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:10,671

No.

00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:15,426

Okay.

00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,678

Sorry.

00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,307

But just one last thing.

00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,186

You know, you came looking for family.

00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,189

I'm family.

00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:29,440

[SIGHS]

00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,983

I'm it.

00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,613

Well, now I'm done.

00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:42,120

Yeah, but it's not like

we're losing anything, you know?

00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,331

Yeah, I guess you're right.

00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:49,919

It's not like we know each other or anything

or that have anything in common.

00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:55,383

Oh, I don't know. I mean, it's not like

we don't have anything in common.

00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,220

I mean, I like, uh, pizza.

00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,681

I... I like pizza.

00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,599

You do?

00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,185

Wait, I like, um, the Beatles.

00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,854

Oh, my God. So do I!

00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:10,064

I knew it. Wow.

00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,108

Wait, wait, wait. Puppies. Cute or ugly?

00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,318

- Oh, so cute.

- Oh!

00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:17,155

- Well? Ha, ha.

- You see?

00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,866

But I'm still... I'm mad at you.

00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,659

I know.

00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,579

I'm mad at me too.

00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,583

Well, um, do you want to get

something to eat?

00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,585

Because I'm kind of hungry.

00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,545

Hey. Me too.

00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,965

All right, stop it. Now you're just

doing it to freak me out.

00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:44,140

Aw, I missed you.

00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,392

I missed you too.

00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:52,273

Oh, I was so nervous about that letter.

00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,278

But the way you

owned up to everything...

00:19:57,446 --> 00:20:02,241

...it just showed me

how much you've grown, you know?

00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,953

I suppose.

00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:11,209

No. You have, Ross. You have.

You should give yourself credit.

00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,712

I mean, my mom never thought

this would work out.

00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,716

Heh. She was all,

"Once a cheater, always a cheater."

00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,554

- Mm-hm.

- Oh.

00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,641

I just wish we hadn't lost

those four months.

00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:32,438

But if time was what you needed

just to gain a little perspective...

00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,484

ROSS:

We were on a break!

00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,946

- Coffeehouse?

- You bet.

00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:44,533

And for the record, it took two people

to break up this relationship.

00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,827

Yeah, you and that girl

from the copy place...

00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:49,580

...which yesterday

you took full responsibility for.

00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,667

I didn't know what I was taking

responsibility for, okay?

00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,627

I didn't finish the whole letter.

00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,796

- What?

- I fell asleep.

00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:59,173

You fell asleep?

00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:02,927

Yeah, it was 5:30 in the morning.

00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:08,516

And you had rambled on for 18 pages.

00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:11,394

Front and back!

00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:12,645

[GROANS]

00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,438

Oh, oh, oh. And by the way.

00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:18,192

"Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E" means "you are."

00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,111

"Y-O-U-R" means "your."

00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:24,323

I can't believe I even thought

of getting back together with you.

00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:26,075

We are so over.

00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,702

[FAKE SOBBING]

00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,245

Fine by me!

00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:31,789

RACHEL:

Oh, and hey, hey, hey.

00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:35,167

Those spelling tips will come in handy

when you're at home on Saturday nights...

00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:36,794

...playing Scrabble with Monica.

00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,005

- Hey.

- Sorry.

00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:43,426

I just feel bad about all that sleep you're

gonna miss, wishing you were with me.

00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:46,012

Oh, no, no.

Don't you worry about me falling asleep.

00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,764

I still have your letter!

00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,728

And hey, just so you know,

it's not that common.

00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:57,815

It doesn't happen to every guy

and it is a big deal!

00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,818

I knew it!

00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:07,283

Gin.

00:22:08,368 --> 00:22:10,244

We were playing gin?

00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:15,249

You know, if we were a couple,

we could play this game naked.

00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:18,085

- Ha, ha. Would you stop?

- Okay.

00:22:18,253 --> 00:22:19,754

All right.

00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,257

Okay, all right. I think you're great.

00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:26,635

I think you're sweet and you're smart...

00:22:26,803 --> 00:22:27,887

...and I love you.

00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,683

But you will always be the guy

who peed on me.

00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,985

[English - US - SDH]