Эпизод с девушкой-грязнулей

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PHOEBE:

What are you guys looking at?

00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,552

CHANDLER: Ross and the most

beautiful girl in the world.

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Yeah, come to Papa!

00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,436

I know!

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Probably the only time

I'll say this...

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...but did you see the ass on her?

00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:29,570

What did you?

When did you?

00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:32,740

How did you?

How did you get a girl like that?

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So what is she, like a spokesmodel?

An aerobics instructor?

00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:41,790

Actually, she's a paleontology

doctoral candidate...

00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,168

...specializing in the Cenozoic Era.

00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:47,046

But that's, like, the easiest era.

00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,341

I've seen her at work,

but I always figured...

00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:53,135

[SCOFFS]

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But, uh, I made her dinner.

00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,975

We had a great time.

And we're going out again tomorrow.

00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:06,356

Maybe her friends are betting to see

who gets the biggest geek.

00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,942

Fine by me. Hope she wins.

00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,159

Hey!

00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,203

You have any wrapping paper?

00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:03,038

Is it for my birthday present?

00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,874

It was your birthday months ago.

00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:11,213

You said you ordered something special

and it just hadn't come yet.

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I have a call in about that.

00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,302

Oh. Okay.

00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,390

It's for Kathy. It's an early copy

of her favorite book.

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Oh! The Velveteen Rabbit!

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When the boy's love

makes the rabbit real...

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Don't touch it, because

your fingers have destructive oils.

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Then you'd better keep it away

from Ross' hair.

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This is pretty rare.

How did you get that?

00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,077

No big deal.

I just went to some bookstores...

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...talked to some dealers, called

some of the author's grandchildren.

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Honey, that's so sweet.

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What a great way to say, "I secretly

love you, roommate's girlfriend."

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It doesn't say that.

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Does it?

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How will it look when you get her

something incredibly meaningful...

00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:06,935

...and expensive, and her boyfriend,

Joey, gives her an orange?

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I'll make sure Joey gets her

something really great.

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It's got to be better than that book.

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Ooh! Like a crossbow!

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Once again, I am sorry.

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Thank you. Bye.

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I had to turn down a job

catering a funeral for 60 people.

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Oh, my God! What happened?

00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,460

Sixty guests.

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Why'd you have to turn it down?

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I don't have the money or equipment...

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...to handle something that big

on such short notice.

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Wow, what is with all the negativity?

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You sound like "Moni-can't,"

not "Moni-can"!

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Moni-ca.

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You've been playing around

with this catering for years.

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- Do you want to be a caterer?

- I don't know.

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There you go! That's the spirit!

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If you need money, I will lend

you money. Just get moving!

00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,833

Really? I'd need $500

for all the food and supplies.

00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:16,672

It's worth it if it'll get you moving.

You haven't worked in months!

00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:17,881

Neither have you.

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Yes, but I'm doing this.

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That would be great! Thank you.

00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,306

- Hey!

CHANDLER & KATHY: Hey!

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Can I borrow your apartment keys?

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Why?

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You can pee here.

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Ha-ha-ha. Yes, I can, of course.

Excuse me.

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It's okay.

The duck's using our bathroom anyway.

00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,873

What are you getting

for her birthday?

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We've been dating a couple weeks.

I got to get her something?

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ALL:

Yes!

00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,964

Yes! You have to get her

something really nice.

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- I know!

- And not one of your coupons...

00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,261

...for an hour of "Joey Love."

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Ooh! A crossword! Can I help?

00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,061

No!

00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,605

Last week I got all

but three answers...

00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,400

...and I want to finish one

without any help.

00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:19,818

Fine.

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But you can't help me develop

my new universal language.

00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,867

- Hey!

- How'd it go?

00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:30,078

Oh, my God!

It was the best funeral ever!

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Everyone loved the food.

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I even got another funeral

for tomorrow.

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The dead guy from today's best friend.

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It's like I am the official caterer

for that accident.

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Mon, I'm so happy for you!

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Thanks.

Check out my new catering stuff.

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Look! I'm an omelet station!

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- Omelet? Made to order?

- Ha!

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I'll have one, please.

Plus my money.

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Oh...

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I didn't realize

you needed it right away.

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You told me to go and be a caterer.

So I went. I be'd.

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I used it to buy all this stuff.

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I got another job tomorrow,

so I'll pay you back then.

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Oh! Okay.

Sorry I acted like a bank.

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[ROSS GROANS]

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Um, would you like to come in?

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Did Homo erectus hunt

with wooden tools?

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According to recent findings.

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[BOTH LAUGHING]

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Here, Mitzi! Here, Mitzi!

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Uh, Mitzi is?

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My hamster.

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I hope she's okay.

I haven't seen her in a while.

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Have a seat.

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[MOUTHS]

Where?

00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,674

Uh, oh! Do you, uh...?

00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,676

[CANS CRUNCHING]

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Do you have any, um,

Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?

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- What?

- Well, I do.

00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,522

Let's go back to my place,

light a couple candles...

00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:24,526

...break open a box

of Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?

00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:29,197

- I'd rather not.

- Oh, yeah? Why not?

00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:33,034

Okay, um...

Don't take this the wrong way...

00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:36,705

...but your place kind of

has a weird smell.

00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,215

- Is everything in the car?

- Did you settle the bill?

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No. I hate this part.

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Ooh! Oh! Look what we almost left!

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- That's not mine.

- Oh.

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Ooh. Look what we almost took!

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[CROWD CHATTERING]

00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,735

Excuse me, Ms. Burkart?

00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:08,904

Well, we're all cleaned up.

00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:12,532

Oh. Good. Thank you.

00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,535

Um, ahem...

00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,915

And, well, there's

this small matter of the, um...

00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,751

- Dear?

- The matter of...

00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:25,170

...payment.

00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:30,091

Jack used to handle the finances.

00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,427

[SOBBING]

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You know what we should all do?

00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,608

Go see a musical.

00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,612

Sure.

00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,323

You know which one?

00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,494

The 1996 Tony Award winner.

00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,331

Do you know the name of that one?

00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,125

I don't know, um, Grease?

00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,170

No.

00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,340

Rent?

00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,634

Yes! Rent!

00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,095

So when do you want to go?

00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,722

What? I'm sorry. I can't, I'm busy.

00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,978

Hey...

00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:27,566

Man, it is so hard to shop for girls. Ugh!

00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,819

Yes, it is, at Office Max!

00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,406

What did you get her?

00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,492

A pen.

00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:42,914

It's two gifts in one.

It's a pen that's also a clock. Huh?

00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,835

- Ha, ha. You can't give her that.

- Why not?

00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,336

She's not 11!

00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,674

And it's not the seventh night

of Chanukah.

00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:59,180

What he means by that is,

while this is a very nice gift...

00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,017

...maybe it's not something

a boyfriend gives.

00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,518

Sure, it is.

00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,020

She needs a pen for work.

00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:09,774

She's writing. She turns it over.

"Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"

00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:16,072

All right. What did you get

for Angela Del Veccio's birthday?

00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,366

She didn't have one.

00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,869

For three years?

00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,207

Look, it's too late,

and I got an audition.

00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,418

I can't shop anymore.

00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:33,381

I will go out

and try to find something for her.

00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,216

Thanks, man.

00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,553

While you're at it,

could you get her a card?

00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:42,432

Would you like me to write her

a little poem as well?

00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:46,061

Or just get a card

that has a poem already in it.

00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:52,233

- Oh! You have to get our money.

- She couldn't stop crying.

00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,945

With those thick glasses,

her tears look giant.

00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,614

I know, it's tough.

00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,992

You know what the first thing I did

after my mom's funeral was?

00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,078

- What?

- Pay the caterer!

00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,580

I've had a lot of jobs.

00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:09,751

And there are some people

who always try to get out of paying.

00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,587

It's either "That massage

wasn't long enough"...

00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,090

...or "I don't know

any of those songs"...

00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:19,302

...or "These sombreros aren't

big enough. Bad little white girl!"

00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,638

Okay.

00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,598

So you think she's faking?

00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:27,435

There weren't any tears

till you showed her the bill.

00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:29,604

She sounded pretty upset to me.

00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:30,772

["YOU'RE A GRAND OLD FLAG"

PLAYING ON PIANO]

00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,440

[SINGING]

You're a grand old flag

00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:36,736

You're a high-flying flag

And forever in peace may you wave

00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,447

She seems fine now.

00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:49,332

So you just left?

Her place was really that bad?

00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,253

You throw your jacket on a chair

at the end of the day.

00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:57,298

Like that, only instead of a chair,

it's a pile of garbage.

00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,886

And instead of a jacket,

it's a pile of garbage.

00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,766

And instead of the end of

the day, it's the end of time...

00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,269

...and garbage is all

that has survived.

00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,815

- Here.

- Wow. Thanks.

00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,192

So, uh, what happened?

00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,695

Nothing. I had to get out of there.

00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,322

Next time, you take her

to your place.

00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,325

I tried that.

She says it has a weird smell.

00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:28,830

- What kind of smell?

- I don't know. Soap?

00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,791

- Listen, you like this girl, right?

- Yeah.

00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:33,918

- You want to see her again?

- Yeah.

00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,880

So you're going to have

to do it in the mess!

00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,675

Yeah, okay. You're right.

00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,345

I mean, uh, who cares about

a little sloppiness?

00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,181

Yeah.

00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,850

- It's endearing, really.

- All right!

00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:52,061

Now you go get that beautiful pig!

00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,899

[SNORTS]

00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:05,450

I just spent the entire

afternoon looking for a present...

00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,495

...for Kathy that would be

better than the rabbit.

00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:09,662

Any luck?

00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:14,250

Yeah, I found this great place

called "Invisible Things for Kathy."

00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:17,378

Can you give me a hand

with all this stuff?

00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,216

Just return the book,

let Joey give her the clock pen...

00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:24,219

...and you get her

something worse than that...

00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,762

...like a regular pen.

00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,766

She's really going

to love this, you know?

00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:33,061

The bottom line is,

I want her to have it...

00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,606

...even if I don't get to be

the one who gives it to her.

00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,775

Aw, honey, that's so sweet.

00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:42,237

Yeah? You don't think it's just pathetic?

00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,280

Oh, "pathetic"!

00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:50,495

Hey! I've been looking

all over for you.

00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:53,998

- Where?

- Our place. The hall.

00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:58,920

I got something.

00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,679

It's a book.

00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,764

A book?

00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,768

Is it a book that's also a safe?

00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,022

It's a book that's just a book.

00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:22,110

It's The Velveteen Rabbit.

It was her favorite as a kid.

00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:24,821

So, uh, just let me know

if she likes it, okay?

00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,114

You got it.

00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,616

Thanks for doing this. I owe you one.

00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,498

There wasn't any change

from that twenty, was there?

00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,002

No, it came out to an even twenty.

00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,798

Wow. That's almost

as much as a new book.

00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:48,011

["JEEPERS CREEPERS"

PLAYING ON PIANO]

00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:51,097

[SINGING]

Jeepers Creepers

00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,974

Where'd you get those peepers?

00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:56,769

Jeepers Creepers

Where'd you get those eyes?

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,937

You didn't get the money?

00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,648

Maybe I can try at intermission?

00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,318

You know what? Let's just go.

00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:06,571

No! Hey!

We're not leaving till we get paid!

00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,865

I don't know who she thinks she is.

00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,950

Enough is enough!

00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,453

Hey, widow?

00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,790

Widow? Excuse me? Excuse me!

00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,083

[PIANO STOPS]

00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:24,339

Thanks. Um, clearly this is

a very, very hard time for you.

00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,842

Um, but we provided a service,

and we deserve to be paid...

00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,969

...because you ate that service.

00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:34,474

We are not leaving here until

we are paid every penny, because...

00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:38,853

...we're part-time caterers

and we have no place else to go.

00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,565

All right. I'll get my bag.

00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,067

Good.

00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,410

I'm going to leave some cards here.

00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,707

Please think of us

for your next event.

00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,382

You want to come inside?

00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:09,759

Yes.

00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,805

Yes, I do.

00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,275

I'll be right back.

Make yourself comfortable.

00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,636

- Guess who.

- Uh...

00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,347

Department of Sanitation?

00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,226

- It's me.

- Ha, oh!

00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,771

[BOTH LAUGHING AND MOANING]

00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,488

Aw!

00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,490

What?

00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:17,493

- Oh, Cheryl!

- Oh, Ross!

00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,205

Oh! Oh!

00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,085

[SHOUTING]

00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,838

Oh! God!

00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,508

Aah! Oh, my God!

00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,598

No! No!

00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,392

It's my hamster! It's Mitzi!

00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:45,313

Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.

I must have freaked out.

00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,106

Thank God it's not Mitzi!

00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,984

It's just a rat.

00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,490

I did it! Aah!

00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,743

I finished it! I did it all by myself!

00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,870

And there's nobody to hug.

00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,790

Move!

00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,214

Hey! Hey, you guys!

00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,633

I finished it all by myself!

Hug me.

00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,426

Yay! So good!

00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,221

MONICA: Congratulations.

RACHEL: Thank you.

00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,639

How did it go?

00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:23,851

The widow wouldn't pay, so

Phoebe yelled at her till she did.

00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,229

I'm a hard-ass.

00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,526

And I'm a wuss.

We should be partners.

00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:34,529

Hard-ass and wuss.

We could fight crime.

00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,199

Wait a minute, Phoebe.

00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,409

We should be partners.

00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:42,745

We should be catering partners.

00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:46,707

You're not working now,

and we have a great time together.

00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,585

- Okay.

- I cook and you take care of the money.

00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,963

Oh! Lt'll be like

I have a wife in the '50s!

00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,172

[BOTH SCREAM]

00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:58,803

- Hey.

- Hey!

00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,721

How did she like the gift?

00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,808

She loved it.

She's showing the girls right now.

00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,226

Yeah? That's great.

00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:06,769

I got to tell you...

00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,897

...I feel bad taking credit

for this, because...

00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,150

...am I going to get

a lot of credit for this!

00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,777

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,237

[CHANDLER GROANS]

00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:18,781

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,117

Hey. Happy birthday.

00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:22,743

Thank you.

00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,246

You know, uh,

Chandler got you a gift too.

00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,082

No, he didn't.

00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:33,337

Yeah, he did. Look,

it's right there on the counter. Ho, ho!

00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,762

Happy birthday.

00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:44,015

I'm sorry.

00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,269

You really didn't have to.

00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,272

- Wow!

- See...

00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,818

You think it's just a pen, but you

turn it over and it's also a clock.

00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,779

Really? No, this is great!

00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,033

- Thank you, Chandler.

- Oh. Yeah.

00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,118

Aw. Heh.

00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,370

Want to go to bed?

00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,457

I'll be in, in a minute.

00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:16,130

Oh, uh... Don't forget your coupon.

00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,471

Good night.

00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,475

Um, thank you for the gift.

00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:32,647

Oh, uh, I just knew that

sometimes when you're writing...

00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,650

...you don't always

know the exact time.

00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:40,321

No, I didn't mean the pen.

Thank you for the book.

00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:42,907

Uh, the book?

00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,700

The Velveteen Rabbit?

00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,828

I have a feeling you had

something to do with it.

00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,288

What do you mean?

00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,832

When Joey gave it to me he said:

00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:56,587

"This is because I know you like rabbits,

and I know you like cheese."

00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,175

Thanks. I love it.

00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,386

I know how hard

it must have been for you to find.

00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:04,929

[STAMMERS]

00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:09,684

In case you missed that,

that sound was, "Oh, well."

00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,729

You must really like Joey

to go to all that trouble.

00:21:14,022 --> 00:21:15,439

Oh, yeah. He's my...

00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,697

He's my best friend.

00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,867

- Well...

- Good night.

00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:39,422

Hey, that coupon expires, you know.

00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:48,639

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:53,394

Hi, uh, you don't know me.

I'm Monica Geller, Ross' sister.

00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:56,856

You know, it's too bad

that didn't work out.

00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,400

Anyway, he told me

about your apartment.

00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:02,570

Well, I couldn't sleep

thinking about it.

00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:07,825

So, uh, would it be okay

if I cleaned it?

00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:11,120

No?

00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,593

[English - US - SDH]