Эпизод с Чендлером в ящике

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Hello?

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CHANDLER [OVER PHONE]: It's me. I know

you can't stand to be in the same room.

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I just thought I'd try and apologize

over the phone...

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[PHONE RINGS]

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Hello?

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CHANDLER [OVER PHONE]: Look, I never

should've kissed your girlfriend, and I'm...

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[PHONE RINGS]

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Stop calling!

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CHANDLER [OVER PHONE]:

Hey, hey, hey. This is 92.3 WXRK K-Rock...

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...calling with our $1000 daily challenge.

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All right.

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What is the name of...

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...your roommate who is very, very sorry

and would do anything...?

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Ugh, turkey.

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Ugh, giving thanks. Ugh.

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Look, everyone,

it's the spirit of Thanksgiving.

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Are things with Joey any better?

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They couldn't be worse.

I spent eight hours calling him...

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...trying to get him to talk to me.

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Oh, wow. Eight hours.

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So you could probably really use one

of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?

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Should we all expect Christmas gifts

that can be stolen from your office?

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You shouldn't.

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Speaking of Christmas...

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...since Monica and I are starting

a new business and have like no money...

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...this year maybe we could do Secret Santa

and then we each only buy one gift.

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And there's the added mystery of,

you know, who gets who.

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Who gets "whom."

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I don't know why I do that.

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[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]

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Oh, I'm gonna take a nap.

Turkey makes me sleepy.

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We haven't eaten yet.

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I know, but all that work you're doing

to get it ready, and I just...

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Hey, did either of you pick Rachel

for your Secret Santa?

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- Because I wanna trade for her.

- I picked her. Oh, thank God, you want her.

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Ooh.

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Wow, why do you wanna get rid of her

so badly?

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Because she exchanges

every gift she gets.

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It's, like, impossible

to get her something she likes.

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Come on, let's trade.

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That's not true.

I got her that backpack and she loved it.

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I remember how much she was crying

the day that big dog ran off with...

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There was no big dog.

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This sucks, because I already got her

this briefcase and I had "R.G." put on it.

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- Her initials.

- Oh.

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Maybe you can give it to somebody else.

Oh. Like Ross Geller.

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Oh, you know what, though?

It's a girlie briefcase.

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Who cares? He works in a museum.

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Hey, what time is it?

The big game's about to start.

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Ross and Joey aren't here.

You can watch the parade if you want.

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Thanks.

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MONICA:

What is wrong with this freezer? Ow! Ow!

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- God, what happened?

- Oh, my God, ice just got in my eye.

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People are trying to sleep in here.

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Monica got ice in her eye and it hurts.

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- Open it up. Let me see.

- Oh, I can't. It really kills.

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Well, maybe you should put

some ice on it.

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- Ooh, it looks bad.

- Maybe we should take you to a doctor.

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No, my eye doctor is Richard.

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I can't go to him

when I don't have a boyfriend.

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He's really picky about his patients.

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Okay, you've gotta go.

What's his office number?

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Oh, like I remember his office number.

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Speed dial 7.

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Hi, yeah, I'm calling on behalf

of Monica Geller's eye, and...

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Is Richard Burke in today?

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He's out of town.

Does she wanna see the on-call doctor?

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- Yes.

- Yes. She's very excited about that.

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It's so cool.

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Till Monica gets back, it's like I'm head chef

and I get to make all the decisions.

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Hey, hey, I thought she told you

to follow the recipe exactly.

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Okay, get out of my kitchen.

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All right, okay. I think I'm making

some progress with Joey.

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When I went into the apartment,

he went to his bedroom...

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...but he only slammed the door once.

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I mean, yeah,

he gave me the finger while doing it.

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All right, I gotta call my mom and ask her

a left-handed cooking question.

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So listen,

I picked Monica for Secret Santa...

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...but I'm getting her something

for Hanukkah.

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You wanna switch?

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Oh, you know what?

I was trying to trade for, uh, ahem, well, you.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Really? Wow, that's so nice.

What are you gonna get me?

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I don't know, R.G. I was thinking

something girlie for your office.

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Yeah. Well, maybe Phoebe

will switch with me.

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Then you're gonna get stuck with Rachel,

and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.

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Oh, that's not true.

I got her lots of stuff she never took back.

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Like?

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Like that gold necklace

I got her last year.

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When was the last time

you saw her wear it?

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Well, she wore it all Christmas day

and then, uh...

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Big dog?

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- Hey.

- Hey.

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What are you doing?

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Sending back this stuff Chandler bought

out of guilt.

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- Everything? Even the TV?

- No, I'm gonna put that in my room.

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Listen, Joey.

I know what he did was wrong.

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But don't you think

you could hear the guy out?

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When you and Rachel were together...

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...if Chandler had kissed her,

would you hear him out?

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That's a good point.

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So how long you gonna punish him?

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Five years.

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You've sentenced him?

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Hey, don't do the crime

if you can't do the time.

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- But, Joey, the guy's your best friend.

- No, was my best friend.

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I don't know why

you're pushing for him so hard.

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With him out of the way as my best friend,

there's a spot open.

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- Who, me?

- Yeah.

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Wow. I'm honored.

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You know what I'm gonna do

as my first act as your best friend?

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I'm gonna get you to talk to Chandler.

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All right.

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Oh, but if you weren't my best friend...

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Ah.

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Oh, my God. Is it really that bad?

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I walk in the room,

and he won't even talk to me.

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He just mumbles something in Italian.

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And I know he only knows

the bad words.

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Hey, Gunther, have you seen Chandler?

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I thought you were Chandler.

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But, um, one of you is over there.

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Oh.

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Hey, Joe.

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[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

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I'll be right with you, okay?

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Thanks for coming in.

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Oh, my God.

How cute is the on-call doctor?

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Oh. So cute that I'm thinking

about jamming this pen in my eye.

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[MONICA CHUCKLES]

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[INTERCOM BUZZES]

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Dr. Burke will see you now.

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Oh, no, no, no, not Dr. Burke.

Dr. Burke's out of town.

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The on-call doctor will see me now.

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Dr. Richard Burke is out.

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Dr. Timothy Burke, his son,

will see you now.

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Ready?

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Hey, I'm sorry. That...

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- Where you going?

- My folks'.

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Oh. Uh...

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When you coming back?

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I don't know.

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I might stay there for a few days

while I look for an apartment.

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What?

00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:48,860

Yeah, you know, at first I thought

we could talk about this, work it out.

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But seeing you two together, I don't...

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Hey, look, what do you want me to say?

Do you want me to say I'll stop seeing her?

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It's not about her. Okay?

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But seeing you two together

just reminds me of what you did.

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And I don't wanna live with someone

who doesn't know what it is to be a friend.

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- So I'll see you.

- Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend.

00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,634

- I just... I screwed up.

- Yeah, you did.

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And that's why I'm leaving.

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[CHICK & DUCK SQUAWKING]

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Look, if you're not gonna stay for me,

then at least stay for them.

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Okay? They have had a very difficult year,

what with the robbery and all.

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When that guy was robbing us...

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...and I was locked in the entertainment unit

for six hours...

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...do you know what I was doing?

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I was thinking about how I let you down.

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- Wow.

- Yeah.

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If I'd have known what kind of friend you

were gonna be, I wouldn't have worried.

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- See you around.

- All right, wait, come on.

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Just wait one second.

There has to be something that I can do.

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If we still had that unit...

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...I would get in there for six hours

and think about how I let you down.

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What?

00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,017

We got a box.

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I remember the last time I saw you.

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It was the morning I left for college.

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You were just standing

outside the Dairy Queen.

00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,199

Heh. Just probably waiting for it to open.

00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,036

Gotta tell you, you look great now.

00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:24,623

- You look great too.

- You're an excellent patient.

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So how does it look?

00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:31,755

You've got a little scratch on your cornea.

You're gonna have to wear a patch.

00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,715

Like a pirate?

00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:35,634

If that helps you.

00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:43,475

Ahem. So how long have you been working

with your dad?

00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,978

Come on, one of us had to mention him.

00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,731

I moved back here a couple months ago.

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Ah.

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- Big family dinner tonight?

- Uh...

00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,446

MONICA:

No way.

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I was gonna have Thanksgiving

at my girlfriend's.

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- Oh.

- But we broke up.

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Oh?

00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,580

She wasn't ready

for a serious commitment.

00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,415

Oh.

00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,795

[IN PIRATE VOICE] So you made her

walk the plank, aye, matey?

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You're not wearing the patch yet.

00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,552

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

I know.

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- He's coming here for Thanksgiving?

- I know. It's sick.

00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,564

- Why is it sick?

- Because it's Richard's son.

00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:34,317

It's like inviting a Greek tragedy

over for dinner.

00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,571

I mean, come on,

Phoebe, you understand, don't you?

00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,950

Yeah, I could see where I'd be

your best shot, but no.

00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,704

- Sorry, honey. I think it's twisted.

- Yeah.

00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,748

- What's twisted?

- Oh. Me going out with Richard's son.

00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:50,458

Ew.

00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,628

Ew, ew, ew.

00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,756

CHANDLER:

It sounds like a really bad idea to me.

00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,760

Is he okay in there?

00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:03,346

He's fine.

00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,808

You know, if things work out

between you and Richard's son...

00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:11,271

...you'll be able to tell your kids

that you slept with their grandfather.

00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,064

[CHUCKLES]

00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,607

Fine, judge all you want to.

00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:18,903

But married a lesbian, left a man at the altar,

fell in love with a gay ice dancer...

00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,115

...threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire,

live in a box.

00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,250

So, now, ahem,

what exactly is the point of the box?

00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,169

Chandler?

00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,630

CHANDLER:

The meaning of the box is threefold.

00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:42,260

One, it gives me the time

to think about what I did.

00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:47,807

Two, it proves how much I care

about my friendship with Joey.

00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,517

And three...

00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,437

...it hurts.

00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,899

- Oh, hey, hey, uh...

- Hmm?

00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,276

Remember that necklace

I gave you last year?

00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,694

Can I see it?

00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,280

Why?

00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,657

I just wanna check something.

00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,534

Okay.

00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,372

Now we'll see.

00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,250

CHANDLER:

Air hole! Air hole!

00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,088

Here it is. I love it. I wear it all the time.

00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:25,678

The necklace I got you was gold.

This is silver.

00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:27,722

Huh.

00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,892

Well, maybe, it, uh...

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,727

...it changed.

00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:36,356

Oh, my God. You actually exchanged it.

00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,442

Isn't it better that I exchange it

for something that I enjoy...

00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,361

...and I can get a lot of use out of?

00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,238

What did you get?

00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,156

Credit.

00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,408

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:52,247

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.

00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:55,792

- Hi, Tim.

- Hi.

00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,337

Hi. Thank you. Come meet my friends.

00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,632

- This is Phoebe.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,842

- And Joey.

- Hey.

00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,593

TIM: Joey.

MONICA: My brother, Ross.

00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:06,928

- Hey.

MONICA: And Rachel.

00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,763

- Hi.

CHANDLER: Ahem.

00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:09,931

[MONICA CLEARS THROAT]

00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:14,269

- That's Chandler.

CHANDLER: How do you do?

00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,189

- What's...?

- Um, well, he's, um...

00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,692

He's doing some thinking.

00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,529

MAN [ON TV]:

He's got it.

00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,947

- Yes!

- Yeah!

00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:29,534

CHANDLER: What happened?

- You kissed my girlfriend.

00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,081

Ooh, I like those sunglasses.

00:14:35,624 --> 00:14:36,666

"Like them" like them...

00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:40,128

...or "I'd like to get store credit

for that amount" like them?

00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,173

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,596

All right, everybody. This turkey is ready.

00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,348

- Where can I wash up?

MONICA: Here.

00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,100

Let me show you.

00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:58,313

The towels are hanging next to the sink.

And you can use the fancy soap. Ha, ha.

00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,189

Thank you.

00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:04,110

Fancy soap?

I thought we were saving that for the Pope.

00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,155

See? He's nice, right?

00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:11,034

Do you really wanna be in a relationship

where you can actually use the phrase...

00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:13,328

..."That's not how your dad

used to do it"?

00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,710

Wow, everything looks great.

Where should I sit?

00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,961

Saved you a seat.

00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,298

Sick, sick, sick.

00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:26,966

[KNOCKING]

00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,718

Oh, I'll get it.

00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:29,928

CHANDLER:

Gotcha.

00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:31,387

[CHANDLER LAUGHS]

00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,934

That doesn't sound like thinking to me.

00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,479

CHANDLER: Sorry.

- I don't think you should be talking at all.

00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,941

I think you got too much thinking to do

to be talking and making jokes.

00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:44,817

CHANDLER:

Okay, okay, you got it.

00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:47,403

- Ross, could you pass me the yams?

- Sure.

00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:50,823

Oh, and Joey's got the mashed potatoes

if you want to exchange them.

00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,705

Will you stop?

What is the matter with you?

00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,499

Heh, heh. We've got company.

00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,836

There's nothing the matter with me.

00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,214

See, I'm not completely devoid

of sentiment.

00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,007

See, I have feelings.

00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,135

Okay, fine.

00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:21,104

CHANDLER: You can't tell, but I'm trying

to break the tension by mooning you guys.

00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,403

All right, look.

00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,656

If this is just a big joke to you,

then forget about it, all right?

00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,658

This means something to me.

00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:36,536

If it doesn't mean anything to you,

then get out of there.

00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,372

Otherwise, you're just an idiot in a box.

00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,583

CHANDLER: You're right. I'm sorry.

This means a lot to me.

00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:47,922

I want you to be my friend again.

I swear I won't say another word tonight.

00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,259

- So you're gonna take this thing seriously?

CHANDLER: Absolutely.

00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,970

That sounds like another word to me.

00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:57,390

Are you gonna take this seriously?

00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,603

Okay.

00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:07,358

Don't say that I have no sentiment.

00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:11,446

This is a movie stub from our first date.

00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:15,450

This is an eggshell from the first time

you made me breakfast in bed.

00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:20,246

This is from the museum,

the first time we...

00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:21,873

...were together.

00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:28,087

Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes,

but I keep the things that matter.

00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,424

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,093

Though...

00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:36,345

...you're not supposed to take these.

00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:42,643

It's like a million years old.

00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:46,272

We actually...

We have people looking for that.

00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,029

Oh, this always happens.

00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,073

Here, let me, um...

00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,033

Thank you.

00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,247

You have very beautiful...

00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,041

...eye.

00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,669

My friends all think this is weird.

00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:13,466

I thought it was gonna be weird.

I almost called to cancel, but it really isn't.

00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:17,428

I know. I mean, it's like me and your dad,

that's a totally separate thing.

00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,930

Oh, I totally agree.

00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:22,975

I mean, we're just two people

who find each other...

00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,228

...very attractive.

00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:26,979

Right?

00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:41,035

- What?

- Nothing, nothing.

00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,454

No, no, really. Oh, was that not okay?

00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:44,997

No, no, no, that was good.

00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,584

That was, uh... That was a good kiss.

00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,547

- Oh, my God. It didn't remind you of my...?

- Oh, don't say it.

00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,632

- But it did, didn't it?

- Yes!

00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,467

Oh, man.

00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,469

I know.

00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,887

[BOTH SHUDDER]

00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:05,143

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]

00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,853

[SHUDDERS]

00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,062

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,814

I got it.

00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,399

[JOEY CLEARS THROAT]

00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,736

Oh.

00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:18,614

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:22,326

- I want you to know how sorry I am...

- It's okay.

00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,370

Chandler's the one I'm mad at, so...

00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,415

Well, I'm still sorry.

00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,002

- Is he here?

- In the box.

00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:39,927

Chandler?

00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,722

Oh, he can't talk right now.

00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,016

Why not? What's going on?

00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,227

He's trying to show Joey

how much he means to him.

00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,481

- By being in a box?

- Joey had reasons.

00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,401

They were threefold.

00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,864

Oh. Well, uh...

00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,951

...you not being able to talk

might actually make this easier.

00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,288

Listen, um...

00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,173

Listen.

00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:23,638

I don't wanna be someone

who comes between two best friends.

00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:27,642

I just... I can't stand seeing

what this is doing to you guys.

00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:30,603

And I don't wanna be the cause of that.

00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,148

So I don't think

we can see each other anymore.

00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,735

I'm gonna go to my mom's in Chicago.

00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,571

I'm gonna stay there for a while.

00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:49,455

I think this could have been something

really amazing.

00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:54,168

But, you know,

this is probably for the best.

00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,170

You know?

00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,802

I'm gonna miss you.

00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:07,932

Goodbye, Chandler.

00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,230

[DOOR OPENS]

00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:16,857

[DOOR CLOSES]

00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,027

Open the box.

00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:22,029

RACHEL: What?

- He can still catch her.

00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:25,825

Hey, come on. Get out of there.

Get out of there.

00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:30,121

- So...?

- Yeah, we're gonna be fine. Get out.

00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:33,708

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,168

You did some real good thinking in there.

00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:38,087

I mean, this is...

00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:39,380

[MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]

00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:44,969

Now go. You could still catch her.

00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,888

And merry Christmas

from your Secret Santa.

00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,395

All right, who got Chandler?

Because I need to trade.

00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,194

Oh, he sees her.

00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:05,239

Aw, and he's catching up to her.

00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,908

Oh, she sees him.

00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,494

- Oh, they're hugging.

RACHEL: Aw.

00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,373

He's taking her purse.

00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:19,378

Uh, that's not them.

I'm gonna go call the police.

00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:23,257

- Oh, there they are.

- Where?

00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:24,800

- Ah!

- Oh.

00:22:24,968 --> 00:22:26,260

Aw.

00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,600

All right, get a room.

00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:41,567

[English - US - SDH]