Эпизод с маткой Фиби

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[FRANK SQUEALS]

00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,343

Why didn't you tell me

you were eloping?

00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,263

Well, we were at court,

eating lunch...

00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,140

Why were you at court?

00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,975

Lunch.

00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:20,853

We were like...

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...we're here, we're having lunch.

Let's get married! Right?

00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:29,862

A year ago, I didn't know I had

a brother. Now I have a sister!

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[ALL LAUGH]

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PHOEBE:

Oh, it's so great.

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Okay.

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Stop it! Don't!

00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:47,004

I'll get you a gift now.

00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,339

Is there anything you need?

00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,300

Uh, yeah.

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We've been trying to get pregnant.

Thought we'd get a jump on things.

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No one's getting any younger. Ha-ha-ha.

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Because the thing is, um, we're not

able to, you know, uh, conceive.

00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:09,276

We've seen a bunch of doctors.

00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:12,571

They say that our only chance

to have a baby...

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...is that if they take my sperm,

her egg, put it together in a dish...

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...and put it into another girl.

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We were wondering

if you could be that girl.

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That's a really nice gift.

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I was thinking of a gravy boat.

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Check it out!

Guess what job I just got.

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I don't know, but Donald Trump

wants his blue blazer black.

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What?

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Blue blazer back.

He wants it back.

00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:46,623

You said "black." Why would he

want his blue blazer black?

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Well, you know what I meant.

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You messed it up.

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You're stupid.

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So what job'd you get?

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Tour guide at the museum.

Ross got it for me.

00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:06,685

Don't you have to be

a dinosaur expert?

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They give you

all the information.

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It's like memorizing a script.

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On your left, tyrannosaurus rex,

from the Jurassic Period.

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Very nice.

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Yeah, actually, Joey,

it's the Cretaceous Period.

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But I can pronounce Jurassic.

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Hey!

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Frank Jr. And Alice got married!

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Oh, my God!

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They're having a baby!

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They want me to grow it

for them in my uterus!

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- My God!

- Are you serious?

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Yeah.

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You're thinking of

having sex with your brother?

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Ew! And, oh, no!

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They want me to be the surrogate.

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It's her egg and his sperm.

I'm the oven. It's their bun.

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What did you say?

00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:10,332

I had to think about it,

but what is there to think of?

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I'll be giving someone

the greatest gift.

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You'll carry their child,

and get them a Sony PlayStation?

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This is an incredible thing to do.

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But there are things to think about.

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Yeah, you'd be pregnant.

I mean pregnant.

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I know.

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You'll put your body

through an awful lot.

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I mean, morning sickness, uh, labor.

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It's all for somebody else.

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Yeah. What's your point?

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Well, the stuff I just mentioned.

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I couldn't do that.

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I figure, the first time I had a baby,

it'd be with someone I love.

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And that baby was, you know...

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...a keeper.

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You were more supportive when

I wanted to make denim furniture.

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If you decide to do this,

we'll be supportive like crazy.

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Just think it through.

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Talk to somebody who's had a baby.

Like your mom.

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My mom never gave birth.

Oh! But my birth mom did!

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I love this tushy!

Can I take it to work with me?

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Yeah, sure. It's not mine anyway.

It came with the pants.

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MONICA:

I am so jealous.

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You guys are just right there.

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Yes.

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Right where?

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The beginning, where

it's all sex and talking...

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...and sex and talking.

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You got to love the talking.

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And the sex?

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We haven't had sex.

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What's the big deal?

This is special.

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I want our love to grow

before moving to the next level.

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Oh, Chandler, that is so nice.

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That is really nice...

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...lying!

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- No way is that the reason.

- Why?

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You're not mature enough

to understand that!

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He's right. I'm totally lying.

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Then what is it?

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Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.

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And you're afraid you won't

be able to fill his shoes?

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I'm afraid I won't

make love as well as him.

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I was going for the metaphor.

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I was saying the actual words.

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He's had girlfriends.

It doesn't mean he's great in bed.

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We share a wall.

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Either he's great, or she liked

to agree with him a lot.

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It'll be different. The sex will be

great because you are in love.

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- Yeah?

RACHEL: Yeah.

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Just go for it.

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Yeah, you should.

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All right. I'll sleep

with my girlfriend.

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But I'm just doing it for you guys.

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Now, the mastodon is from

the semi-late Jurassic Period.

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Isn't the mastodon

from the Pliocene Epoch?

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Shh.

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This is a museum. No talking.

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Right down here we have...

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...a large foot.

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And over here we have Ross Geller.

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Everyone wave "hi" to Ross.

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Ross is one of our scientists.

Look at him hard at work.

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Okay, moving right along.

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Come on.

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[KNOCK ON DOOR]

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It's open. Come in.

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- I'm sorry I'm late.

- That's okay.

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I had time to finish

glazing my nipples.

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You go all out

when you're expecting company.

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I was working on my pottery.

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Oh! Oh!

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Oh! I didn't know

that you did pot.

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Mostly nudes. It combines

my two passions: Pottery and erotica.

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Erottery!

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Hey! Okay!

00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,767

Thanks for coming out to see me.

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I thought it'd be a good idea to

talk about this baby stuff in person.

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I don't think it's a good idea.

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Why not?

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You'd be giving up a baby.

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And I really don't...

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I don't know if anything I say...

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...would make you understand the pain

of giving up a baby.

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So...

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No, no, I understand the pain.

Don't hurt the puppy!

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No, no. The puppy is yours.

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I get a puppy?

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But for only three days.

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Why?

00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:25,730

I realize I don't have any right

to start getting parenty on you now.

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Look at me and not the puppy.

It's very important.

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I know what I'm talking about.

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I gave up two babies.

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I only wish I had someone

who'd given up babies that told me...

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...how terrible it is.

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It'd be something you'd regret

every day for the rest of your life.

00:09:56,387 --> 00:10:00,265

So however hard it is for you

to give up this puppy...

00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:04,686

...it'd be a million times harder

to give up a child.

00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,609

I shouldn't have given you

the puppy first.

00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,950

Could you sit there? I'm saving

this seat for my friend Ross.

00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,577

You mean Dr. Geller?

00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,955

Doctor? I didn't know

he had a nickname.

00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,167

Oh, he won't sit here.

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Only people in white coats

sit there.

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Only people in blue blazers

sit here.

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How come?

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That's how it is.

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That's crazy.

00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:43,475

It's crazy in a perfect world:

A world without lab coats and blazers.

00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:47,103

But you not in a perfect world.

You in a museum now.

00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,899

See that scientist?

00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:56,071

He and I used to play together

in grade school, but now...

00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,574

Peter! Hey, Peter!

00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:03,828

It's me, Rhonda from P.S. 129?

00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,248

I shared my pudding with you, man!

00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,503

I gave you my snack pack!

00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,716

See? He pretend

he don't even hear me!

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Everyone's pretending

they don't hear you.

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I don't know about your jackets

and separate tables...

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...but Ross is my friend.

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And if I save him a seat,

he will sit in it.

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Ross. Ross.

00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:36,736

Here! I saved you a seat!

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I'm cool here.

I'll catch up with you later.

00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,499

This is saved.

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Gift shop.

00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,140

I'm sorry about

what happened today.

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You do what you got to do.

00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:13,314

The scientists and the tour guides

never sit together.

00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:19,279

It's like that everywhere.

Mon, back me up.

00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:22,657

Where you work, the waiters

eat with the waiters.

00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,368

And the chefs eat

with the other chefs?

00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:29,998

I eat by myself in the alley,

because everybody hates me.

00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,918

Look, Ross.

00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,670

It's no big deal.

00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,339

You wear a white coat.

I wear a blue blazer.

00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:42,302

If that means we can't be

friends at work, so be it.

00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,928

I understand, you know?

00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:48,933

When I'm in a play and you're in

the audience, I don't talk to you.

00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,187

So it's, you know, it's, uh, cool.

00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,938

I'll see you tomorrow.

00:12:57,067 --> 00:13:00,069

When we're in the audience,

he does wave.

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[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,206

- Hi.

MONICA: Hey.

00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,627

Why's Phoebe singing

to Karl Malden?

00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:20,465

I think it's time for puppy

to go out again.

00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,926

- Come on, let's go to the balcony.

- What?

00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,346

The street.

Come on, let's go to the street.

00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,058

Don't go on the balcony

until after I get back.

00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,062

So did you do it?

00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,731

Yes, yes, we had the sex.

00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:38,983

Uh-oh. It was bad?

00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:44,072

It was fine, but she didn't agree

with me as strongly as with Joey.

00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,619

She was like, uh, "I see your point.

I'm all right with it."

00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:55,083

There's not always a lot of agreement

the first time.

00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:59,254

Yeah. Not for girls, anyway.

Guys agree like that.

00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,257

Look, you have to help me.

00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,633

I mean...

00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:08,429

I know what to do with a woman.

It's always nice.

00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,931

I need to know...

00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,141

...what makes it go from nice to...

00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:15,270

..."My God! Somebody's killing her

in there!"

00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:19,440

I'll show you something

a lot of guys don't know.

00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,443

All right.

00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:23,945

Now.

00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:27,991

You don't have to draw an actual...

Whoa, she's hot!

00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:31,786

Everyone knows the erogenous zones.

00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,538

You got one, two, three...

00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:35,623

...four...

00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,918

...five, six and seven.

00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,879

There are seven?

00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,381

Let me see that.

00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,466

Oh, yeah.

00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,262

That's one?

00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,306

Kind of an important one.

00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,392

I was looking at it upside down.

00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,856

Well, you know sometimes that helps.

00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:09,824

Most guys will hit one, two, three

and then go to seven and set up camp.

00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,161

That's bad?

00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:17,373

At Disneyland, you don't spend

the whole day on the Matterhorn.

00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,084

You might if it were like seven.

00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,174

The important thing is

to take your time.

00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,009

You want to hit them all...

00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,637

...mix them up.

Keep them on their toes.

00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:31,971

Oh, toes!

00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,896

For some people.

00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,190

MONICA:

All right.

00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,860

You could, uh, start out

with a little one.

00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,403

A two.

00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,905

A one, two, three.

00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:50,782

A three.

00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,326

A five.

00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,328

A four.

00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:57,205

A three, two.

00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,415

Two. A two, four, six.

00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,168

Two, four, six.

00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,045

Four. Two.

00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,923

Two. Four, seven!

00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,718

Five, seven! Six, seven!

00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,304

Seven! Seven!

00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,390

Seven, seven, seven!

00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,559

Seven!

00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,118

Dr. Geller? There's a seat here.

00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,579

Thank you, Dr. Phillips.

00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,456

But I'm having my lunch...

00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,835

...at this table.

Here in the middle.

00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:45,753

I'm eating...

00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:49,799

...right here

with my good friend, Joey.

00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:51,968

If he'll sit with me.

00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,600

I will sit with you, Dr. Geller.

00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:05,940

You know...

00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,610

...we work in a museum

of natural history.

00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,363

And yet, there is something...

00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:14,115

...unnatural...

00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,118

...about the way we eat lunch.

00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:22,999

I look around, and you know what I see?

I see division.

00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:28,212

Division between people in white coats

and people in blue blazers.

00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,673

I ask myself, "My God, why?"

00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:35,845

Now, I say we shed these coats...

00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:37,764

...that separate us.

00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:41,976

And we get to know

the people underneath.

00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,272

I'm Ross!

00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:49,776

I'm divorced and I have a kid!

00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,367

I'm Joey! I'm an actor!

00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,871

I don't know squat about dinosaurs!

00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:09,587

I'm Ted, and I just moved here,

and New York really scares me.

00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,757

- There you go!

- Hang in there, Teddy!

00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:15,510

I'm Andrew.

00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,471

And I didn't pay for this pear.

00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,391

Okay. Good for you.

00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:27,438

I'm Rhonda!

And these aren't real!

00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,569

Wow, Rhonda.

00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:38,324

- I'm Scott.

- Yeah, okay, Scott!

00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:43,579

I flip the light switch on and off

17 times when I leave a room...

00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,248

...or my family will die.

00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:51,129

My mom will be here soon.

00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,714

I can't. I can't give him up.

00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,509

Yes, no. I can.

00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,386

I don't want to.

00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,471

But I can.

00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,265

No.

00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:06,561

I can't watch this.

It's like Sophie's Choice.

00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:09,856

You know, I never saw that.

00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,150

Oh, it was only okay.

00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,319

I can't do this.

00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:19,699

My mom was right.

If I can't give him up...

00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,201

...there's no way

I can give up a baby.

00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:26,455

Frank and Alice

are going to be so crushed.

00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:30,293

What else can I give them?

A kidney!

00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,382

We were in the neighborhood.

00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:40,720

We want to let you know that

there's still no pressure.

00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:41,929

ALICE:

None.

00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:46,601

If there was something you wanted

to say, we'll be right there.

00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,227

Okay.

00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,438

Who's this little guy?

00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,024

PHOEBE:

Oh, um, well...

00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,820

He's so cute! He reminds me

of my old dog, Tumor.

00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:03,367

You are so precious,

I'd take you home.

00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:05,912

Why don't you?

00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:07,663

Are you serious?

00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,998

Uh-huh. Yeah.

00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:10,958

Thanks.

00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:12,835

[CHUCKLES]

00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,131

- What are you doing?

- I'm okay with this.

00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,759

You know why?

Because look at them.

00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,802

Look how happy they are.

00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,931

And I made that, so you know...

00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:31,437

...it'll be a million times harder

to give up a baby. But God!

00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:34,398

It'll feel a million times

better, right?

00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,861

I'll do this.

I want to carry your baby.

00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:42,907

Oh!

00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,493

Thank you so much!

00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,496

You don't know what this means to us.

00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,333

I think I'm going to cry!

00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,757

It's going to be so great.

00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:01,968

Hi.

00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:05,513

- What's going on?

- I gave them the puppy.

00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:09,600

It made them so happy,

I decided to carry their baby.

00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,186

- Phoebe...

- No, I know.

00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,063

We're different, though.

00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:16,565

This is a different situation.

00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,193

I am not going to regret this.

00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:22,280

I understand all that.

00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,824

It's just, that was my puppy.

00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,033

Oh!

00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,999

Would you ever be a surrogate?

00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,709

Depends who asked.

00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:36,627

What if I asked?

00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,463

Oh, Mon, sure!

00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,924

- Really?

- Yes.

00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,805

- You're not asking me, are you?

- No.

00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,182

Yes. Totally.

00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,064

Thank you! Thank you!

00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:58,524

Thank you!

00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,693

Yes, thank you!

00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:10,119

[English - US - SDH]