Эпизод, где все вспоминают свои Дни благодарения

00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:10,926

Monica, that was the best

Thanksgiving dinner ever.

00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,721

It was so good. I think you killed us.

00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:17,766

I couldn't possibly eat another bite.

00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,269

I need something sweet.

00:00:21,604 --> 00:00:23,230

Does anyone wanna watch TV?

00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,940

GROUP:

Yeah. Sure.

00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,278

Monica, your remote doesn't work.

00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,448

Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.

00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:33,866

Oh.

00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,994

Oh, forget it.

00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,538

Hey, you know what we should all do?

00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,125

We should play that game where everyone

says one thing they're thankful for.

00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:48,088

Oh, I... I am thankful for this

beautiful fall we've been having.

00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,923

- Very nice.

- Sweet, Joe.

00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:52,342

Yeah, the other day,

I was at the bus stop...

00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,928

...and this lovely fall breeze

came in out of nowhere...

00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,097

...and blew this chick's skirt right up.

00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:02,895

Oh, which reminds me,

I'm also thankful for thongs.

00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:57,157

It's not so much an underpant

as it is a feat of engineering.

00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:02,913

It's amazing how much they can do

with so little material.

00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:07,668

And the way they play with your mind.

I mean, is it there? Is it not there?

00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,838

Are you aware that you're still talking?

00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:15,592

Is anyone thankful for anything else

besides a thong?

00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:17,302

Huh. I don't know what to pick.

00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,389

Am I more thankful for my divorce,

or my eviction? Hmm.

00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,851

Wow, see, and I didn't think you'd be able

to come up with anything.

00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,273

I'm sorry. It's just this is the worst

Thanksgiving ever.

00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,817

No, no, no. I am the king

of bad Thanksgivings.

00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,153

You can't just swoop in here

with your bad marriage...

00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,029

...and take that away from me.

00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,073

You're not gonna tell the whole story...

00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,242

...about how your parents

got divorced, are you?

00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,035

GROUP:

No, no.

00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,204

Come on. I want to hear it.

00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,710

It wouldn't be Thanksgiving

without Chandler bumming us out.

00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,713

It's a tradition, like the parade.

00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:57,301

If the parade decided it was gay, moved out

and abandoned its entire family.

00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:01,763

Now, Chandler, dear.

00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,099

Just because your father and I

are getting a divorce...

00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,059

...doesn't mean we don't love you.

00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:07,769

It just means...

00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:11,648

...he would rather sleep

with the houseboy than with me.

00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,987

More turkey, Mr. Chandler?

00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:24,786

You're right, yours is worse.

You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.

00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,289

I don't know about that.

I've got one that's worse.

00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,457

Really? Worse than:

00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,876

[IN SPANISH ACCENT]

"More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"

00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,297

Did the little rich boy

had a problem with the butler?

00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,633

Yes, mine's worse.

00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,928

[GUNFIRE AND BOMBS EXPLODING]

00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:46,725

More bandages! More bandages!

00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,770

Please, can I get

some more bandages in here?

00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,564

This man is... Aah!

00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,070

Oh, no.

00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,991

In this life, Phoebe.

00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,118

Oh, this life.

00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,995

Oh, okay. No, Chandler's is worse.

00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,333

Man, it must be so cool

remembering stuff like that.

00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,044

I don't have any past life memories.

00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,798

Of course, you don't, sweetie.

You're brand-new.

00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:22,010

I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.

00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,721

- Oh, let's not tell this story.

- Oh, come on.

00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,431

Oh, no! I know! I know!

00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:30,394

It's the one where Joey got

Monica's turkey stuck on his head.

00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,604

- What?

- What?

00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,524

Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?

00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,109

Hey, it's not like it sounds.

00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,361

It's exactly like it sounds.

00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,078

JOEY:

Hello?

00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,748

Hello?

00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,461

JOEY: Phoebe?

- Joey?

00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,630

What's going on?

00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,757

[PHOEBE GASPS]

00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:02,801

Oh, my God.

00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,344

JOEY:

I know.

00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,596

It's stuck.

00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,892

PHOEBE:

Step. How did it get on?

00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,645

I put it on to scare Chandler.

00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:17,316

Oh, my God.

Monica's going to totally freak out.

00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,984

JOEY:

Well, then help me get it off.

00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,945

Plus, it smells really bad in here.

00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,825

Of course it smells really bad.

You have your head up a dead animal.

00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,202

[KEYS JINGLE]

00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,125

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,670

Hey, did you get the turkey...?

Oh, my God!

00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,505

Oh, my God!

00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,466

Who is that?

00:05:42,633 --> 00:05:44,384

JOEY:

It's Joey.

00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,512

What are you doing?

Is this supposed to be funny?

00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,058

No, it's not supposed to be funny.

It's supposed to be scary.

00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:53,435

Get that off now.

00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,520

JOEY:

I can't. It's stuck.

00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,190

Well, I don't care.

That turkey has to feed 20 people.

00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,400

They're not going to eat it off your head.

00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:04,696

Hold on, okay? Let's just all think.

00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,411

Okay, I got it. Phoebe?

00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:12,954

All right. You pull.

00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:15,582

I'm gonna spread the legs

as wide as I can.

00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,542

[JOEY LAUGHING]

00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:21,463

- Joey, now is not the time.

JOEY: Yeah. Sorry. Right, sorry.

00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:25,342

Okay, count to three. One, two...

00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,010

...three.

00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,678

[CHANDLER YELLS]

00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:34,267

JOEY:

It worked. I scared you. I knew it. Ha, ha!

00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,147

- I'm over here, big guy.

JOEY: Yeah, you are. Ha, ha!

00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:42,526

I scared you. Whoo!

00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,444

[CHUCKLES]

00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,780

You did look like an idiot.

00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,534

Hey, I wasn't the only one

who looked like an idiot, all right?

00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,912

Remember when Ross tried to say

"butternut squash"...

00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,499

...and it came out, "squatternut bosh"?

00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:58,834

[LAUGHING]

00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,170

Yeah, that's the same.

00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,799

That's it. That's my worst Thanksgiving.

00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,760

Oh, wait. That can't be the one

that Rachel was talking about...

00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,388

...because she didn't even know

that that happened.

00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,723

- So, what's yours?

CHANDLER: What was it?

00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,351

Um, I really don't wanna tell this story.

00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,519

Oh, come on, Monica.

00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:21,648

Reliving past pain and getting depressed

is what Thanksgiving's all about.

00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,735

You know, for me, anyway.

And, of course, the Indians.

00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,240

Look, of all people,

you do not want me to tell this story.

00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,200

What is that supposed to mean?

00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:33,410

[DOORBELL RINGS]

00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,454

Monica, I think Rachel's here.

00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,205

MONICA:

I'll get it.

00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,965

- Happy Thanksgiving.

- Not for me.

00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,758

Chip and I broke up.

00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:51,178

Oh. Why?

00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:52,554

Well, what happened?

00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,932

You know how my parents are out of town,

and Chip was gonna come over?

00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,643

Yeah, yeah. And you were

gonna give him, you know...

00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,437

...your "flower."

00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,356

Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?

00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:06,610

It really creeps me out

when you call it that.

00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,153

Okay, and by the way...

00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,073

...while we're at it, a guy's thing

is not called his "tenderness."

00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,995

Believe me.

00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,582

- Hi.

BOTH: Hi, Rachel.

00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,876

RACHEL: Happy Thanksgiving.

JUDY: You too, sweetheart.

00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,628

Hey.

00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:27,047

JACK:

Oh. Hi.

00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,884

Uh, everyone...

00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,178

...this is Chandler.

00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,390

My roommate

and lead singer of our band. Heh.

00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:40,435

Ross?

00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,437

Oh. This is Monica.

00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,981

Hi, I'm Ross' little sister.

00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,400

Okay.

00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,613

I'm so glad you could come, Chandler.

00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,949

We've got plenty of food,

so I hope you're hungry.

00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,243

Oh, Mom, no, no,

Chandler hates Thanksgiving...

00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,411

...and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.

00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:02,165

Oh. Well, I'm so glad

you brought him here, then.

00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,626

Hey, Chandler, um...

00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,629

If you want, I can make you some

macaroni and cheese for dinner.

00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,798

As long as the Pilgrims didn't eat it,

then I'm in.

00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,508

[LAUGHS THEN CHOKES]

00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,720

Damn it.

00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,647

So, uh, Rach...

00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,650

Does it...? Does it feel weird

around here now?

00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,695

You know,

since I've been away at college?

00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,113

Oh.

00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,281

No, not really.

00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,367

That's cool.

00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,327

So...

00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:49,129

Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me

for that slut, Nancy Branson.

00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,880

I am never going out with him again.

00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,592

I don't care how much he begs.

00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:56,845

I think his begging days are over,

now that he's with Nancy Branson.

00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,808

You know what?

I've just had it with high-school boys.

00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,602

They're just silly.

00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:06,855

They're just silly, stupid boys.

00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,398

I'm gonna start dating men.

00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,943

Uh, I'm sorry, Judy.

00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,780

I couldn't find that bowl

you and Jack were looking for.

00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,619

Call them Mom and Dad, you loser.

00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,830

Monica.

00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:30,545

Hey, Chandler?

00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,217

Did you like

the macaroni and cheese?

00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,428

Oh, yeah. It was great.

You should be a chef.

00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,764

Okay.

00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:45,935

Guess what.

00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:49,314

All this stuff about Nancy Branson

being a slut was all a rumor.

00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,859

Chip dumped her, and he wants

to come over to my house tonight.

00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:55,403

- Oh, that is so great.

RACHEL: I know.

00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,406

Oh, gosh. Listen,

if you and Chip do it tonight...

00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:01,368

...um, promise me

you'll tell me everything?

00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:05,413

Oh, totally, totally. It's not that big a deal.

We already kind of did it once, you know.

00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,917

I know, but this time you're gonna

definitely know whether or not you did it.

00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,335

I know.

00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:15,590

Oh, and Chip promised that this time

it would last at least for an entire song.

00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,512

So I'm thinking of asking

Rachel out tonight.

00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,223

You know, maybe playing her that song

we wrote last week.

00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:26,059

- "Emotional Knapsack"? Right on.

- Right on.

00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:31,606

Oh, uh, but don't take long, okay?

Because we're testing our fake ID's tonight.

00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,775

Right, Clifford Alvarez?

00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:38,488

Listen, Roland Cheng...

00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:42,325

...if things go well,

I may be out with her all night.

00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,786

Dude, don't do that to me.

00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,497

Oh, no. It's cool, you can stay here.

My parents won't mind.

00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,709

It's not that. I don't wanna be stuck here

all night with your fat sister.

00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:52,168

Hey.

00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,549

Monica, why don't you finish off

these pies?

00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,135

I don't have any more room in the fridge.

00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,596

No.

00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,182

No, thank you.

00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:07,767

Well, Judy, you did it.

00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:10,478

She's finally full.

00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,067

I called you fat?

00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,611

- I don't even remember that.

- Well, I do.

00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,615

I'm so sorry. I really am.

But, come on, I was an idiot back then.

00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,535

I rushed the stage at a Wham! Concert,

for crying out loud.

00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,664

Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.

00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,084

I can't believe you let

George Michael slap you.

00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,879

I am really sorry.

00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:39,340

That is so terrible. I'm so, so sorry.

00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:42,260

Actually, that's not the Thanksgiving

I was talking about.

00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,138

- Yes, it was.

- No, it wasn't. It was actually...

00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,056

Thanksgiving's over.

Get ready for Christmas.

00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:48,558

Who wants to get a Christmas tree?

00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:53,146

Oh, no. I have the cutest Christmas story.

00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,190

We wanna hear Monica's

Thanksgiving story.

00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,942

Fine, all right. Mine had a dwarf

that got broke in half.

00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,069

But, you know, whatever.

00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,449

So, Rachel, your mom tells me

you changed your major again?

00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:05,950

Oh, yeah, I had to.

00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:09,245

There was never any parking

by the Psychology building.

00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,581

- Hi, Rachel.

- Oh, hi.

00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,667

- Wow. Love your new nose.

- Jack.

00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,420

What? Dr. Wolfson's an artist.

00:13:17,588 --> 00:13:19,005

He removed my mole cluster.

00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,590

Want to see?

00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,925

[DOORBELL RINGS]

00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,010

No, God. Please, let me.

00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,808

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,104

- Happy Thanksgiving.

- Hi.

00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,607

God, your hair sure is different.

00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,526

Yeah, we were just talking about that.

00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,445

Can't we can't believe

how stupid we used to look.

00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,283

So, uh, where's Monica?

00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,285

She's upstairs. Monica.

00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,204

Come down, everyone's here.

00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:55,208

Ross, Rachel and the boy

who hates Thanksgiving.

00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,921

Hi, Chandler.

00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,131

Oh, my God.

00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,592

What's the matter?

00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,220

Is there something on my dress?

00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,933

You just... You look so different. Terrific.

00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,685

That dress, that body...

00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,186

- Dude.

- Sorry.

00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,148

Yes, yes, Monica is thin. It's wonderful.

00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:22,652

But what we really want to hear about

is Ross' new girlfriend.

00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,196

Oh, Mom... Okay.

00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,490

Um, ahem, her name is Carol...

00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,701

...and she's really pretty and smart.

00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,204

And, uh, she's on the lacrosse team

and the golf team.

00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,914

Can you believe it?

00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,000

She plays for both teams.

00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,714

So, Chandler,

I guess I'll see you at dinner.

00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,050

- Dude.

- Sorry.

00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,553

Oh, my God.

00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,305

That was so awesome.

00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,599

You totally got him back

for calling you fat.

00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,517

He was just drooling all over you.

00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,312

- That must have felt so great.

- Well, it didn't.

00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,063

What?

00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,357

Yeah, I mean, I look great.

00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:04,235

And yeah, I feel great, and, yeah,

my heart's not in trouble anymore.

00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,029

Blah, blah, blah.

00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,907

I just don't feel like I got him back,

you know?

00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,242

I mean, I just want to humiliate him.

00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,119

I want him to be, like, naked...

00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,039

...and I want to point at him

and I wanna laugh.

00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:20,627

Okay. That, we may be able to do.

00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,754

How?

00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,716

Well, guys tend to get naked

before they're gonna have sex.

00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:30,428

What? I mean, I didn't work this hard

and lose all this weight...

00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:34,057

...just so I could give my flower

to someone like him.

00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:38,269

Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that,

no one is ever gonna take it.

00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,106

And then second of all, you're not gonna

actually have sex with him.

00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,525

You're just gonna make him think

that you are.

00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,570

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,030

And then when he's naked...

00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,032

...I can throw him out, lock the door...

00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,743

...and all our neighbors

will just humiliate him.

00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,329

And then you will definitely

get him back.

00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,665

Okay, so how do I make him think

I want to have sex?

00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,917

Uh, Oh! Here's what you do.

00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:05,546

Just act like everything around you

turns you on.

00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,802

- What do you mean?

- Well, like, anything can be sexy.

00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,681

Like, um... Oh, okay. Like this dish towel.

00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,850

Ooh, ooh.

00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,729

This feels so good against my cheek.

00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:25,608

And if I get a little hot,

I can just dab myself with it.

00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,113

Or I can bring it down to my side

and maybe run it through my fingers...

00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,781

...while I talk to him.

00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,909

- I can do that.

- Okay, good, good, good.

00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,744

Get busy. He's coming. He's coming.

00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,706

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey.

00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,460

I was wondering if you could make me

some mac and cheese...

00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,087

...like last year?

00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,923

I'd love to.

00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,388

Ooh.

00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,099

I love macaroni and cheese.

00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,896

I love the way this box feels

against my cheek.

00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,530

- Okay.

- Ooh, and I love carrots.

00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,948

Oh!

00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:19,579

Sometimes I like to put them

between my fingers.

00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:22,915

Like this.

00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:26,002

And hold them down here

while I talk to you.

00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:33,259

Um, and, you know, if I get really hot...

00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:37,138

...um, I like to pick up this knife.

00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:42,769

And, um, I put the cool steel...

00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,604

...against, um...

00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:47,023

...my body.

00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,902

Are you all right?

00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,279

I'm fine.

00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,712

- What do got?

- Twenty-year-old male.

00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,090

He's got a severed toe on his right foot.

00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,508

Ow!

00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:16,844

Could you please not do that feet first?

00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:20,389

You know where his injury is.

Severed toe, you just said it!

00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,393

It says here the knife

went right through your shoe.

00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,979

Of course it did. They're made of wicker.

00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,273

- Did you bring the toe?

- Oh, yes.

00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,609

I have it right here on ice.

00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:35,655

Don't worry, son.

We'll just reattach it and then...

00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,908

- What is it?

- You brought a carrot.

00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,620

- What?

- This isn't your toe.

00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:46,040

This is a small, very cold piece of carrot.

00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,376

You brought a carrot?

00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,336

Oh, my God.

00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,588

There's a toe in my kitchen.

00:18:54,591 --> 00:18:56,300

God, I'm sorry. I'll go back and get it.

00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,469

It's too late.

All we can do is sew up the wound.

00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,930

- Without my toe? I need my toe.

MONICA: Okay.

00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,433

No, no, no. I can go really fast.

Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche.

00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,978

Oh, I'm not falling for that one.

00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,524

That's why I lost my toe?

Because I called you fat?

00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,279

I didn't mean to cut it off.

It was an accident.

00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:20,116

That's why for an entire year

people called me Sir Limps-a-lot?

00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,827

I'm sorry.

00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,288

It wasn't your whole toe.

00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:27,623

Yeah, well, I miss the tip.

00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:28,958

It's the best part.

00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,794

It has the nail.

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,590

MONICA:

Chandler...

00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,551

Sir Limps-a-lot.

00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,761

I came up with that.

00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:44,891

You're a dork.

00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,478

- I can't believe this.

- Chandler, I said I was sorry.

00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:53,649

Yeah, well, "sorry" doesn't bring back

the little piggy that cried all the way home.

00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:58,487

I hate this stupid day

and everything about it.

00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,615

- I'll see you later.

- Wait, Chandler.

00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,158

Come here.

00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,119

Is there anything I can do? Anything?

00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:09,081

Yeah, just leave me alone

for a little while.

00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,296

[QUACKING]

00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,925

Oh, I'm a duck. I go quack-quack.

I'm happy all the time.

00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:20,593

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,520

Nice try.

00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,522

MONICA:

Wait, wait, wait.

00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,735

- Look, Monica...

- Look.

00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,699

This is not gonna work.

00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,660

I bet this will work.

00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,581

[CHUCKLES]

00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,754

You're so great. I love you.

00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:07,765

What?

00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:11,852

Nothing. I said you're so great,

and then I just stopped talking.

00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,815

MONICA: You said you loved me.

I can't believe this.

00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:17,108

No, I didn't.

00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,404

- Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't.

00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,823

MONICA:

You love me.

00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:26,993

No, I don't. Stop it, stop it, stop it.

00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,203

[YELLS]

00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,046

[GUNFIRE AND BOMBS EXPLODING]

00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,674

[IN FRENCH ACCENT]

Gauze!

00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:45,261

Gauze!

I need to get some gauze in here!

00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:48,931

Can I please get some more gauze?

00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,360

This is getting ridiculous.

00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,493

[English - US - SDH]