Эпизод, в котором Джоуи теряет свою медицинскую страховку

00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,840

This bottle opener.

00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:11,260

- And?

- And it's a magnet.

00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,683

Look at that.

00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,978

How weird is that?

You know, you're moving in with me...

00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,273

...and you have the one thing

I don't have. Ha, ha.

00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:29,403

It's like, in a way, you complete me.

Huh?

00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,365

- Kitchen.

- What?

00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,243

You complete me kitchen, matey.

00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:41,165

- Ross, I know what you're thinking.

- What?

00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,167

That she's gonna move in with you...

00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,335

...and then maybe fall in love with you,

and then...

00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:49,256

...when she finds out you're already

married, oh, she'll be happy.

00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,217

You know? You're just... You're very sad.

00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,721

Oh, my God.

00:00:56,931 --> 00:01:01,894

I see what this is.

You are in love with Rachel.

00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:05,230

- What?

- Of course. It all adds up.

00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,274

I mean, you're obsessed with her.

It's always:

00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,193

"Ross, what are you gonna do

about Rachel?

00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,487

Ross, why are you moving in

with Rachel?

00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:14,281

When are you gonna confess

your secret marriage to Rachel?"

00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,868

- You want her.

- No!

00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,036

[PHONE RINGS]

00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,747

Uh-oh. Saved by the bell.

00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:23,916

Hello.

00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,377

Hey, Rach.

Aren't these candlesticks mine?

00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:28,879

No, no, I bought those.

00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,049

- Oh, right. I forgot.

- Yeah.

00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,009

[WHISPERING]

That you're a liar.

00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:40,057

No, no, that's great. I'll be there Monday.

And thank you again.

00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,725

Okay.

00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:45,479

Um, that was the head

of the paleontology department...

00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:49,525

...at NYU.

00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:53,737

Wow. What did he say?

00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:59,284

Uh, remember that paper I had published

last year on sediment flow rate?

00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,246

- Well, they loved it.

- Well, who wouldn't?

00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,998

I know!

00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:09,211

Anyway, they asked me

to be a guest lecturer.

00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:14,007

I mean, it's temporary, but if they like me,

it could lead to a full-time job.

00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,678

How great would that look

on the mailbox, huh? Professor Geller.

00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,139

Yeah. Professor and Mrs.

00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,058

And Mrs?

00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,937

Oh, yeah, you know,

you and Ross are still married.

00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,815

What?

00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,818

Just kidding.

00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,653

[CHUCKLING]

00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,864

Oh, God.

00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:42,161

Saved your ass.

00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,367

- Hey.

- Hi.

00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:23,660

- Hey.

- What's the matter?

00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,954

Well, ahem.

00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,248

- You know that psychic I see?

- Yeah?

00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,500

She told me

that I'm gonna die this week...

00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,502

...so I'm kind of bummed about that.

00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,089

- What?

- I know you don't know about readings...

00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:39,218

...but that one is pretty much

the worst one you can get.

00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,012

Phoebe, that's crazy.

00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,805

I can't believe she'd say that to you?

00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,724

Yeah, honey,

you don't believe her, do you?

00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,936

I don't know.

She, you know, said that I'd have triplets...

00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,188

...but she also said one of them

would be black.

00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,606

CHANDLER:

Oh.

00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,984

Just out of curiosity,

did she tell you how you were gonna go?

00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:59,321

No, because she didn't tell me

I was gonna die till the end of the session.

00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,032

And I was not gonna waste

a whole other hour there.

00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,909

I mean, I've only got a week left,

you know?

00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,787

I've really gotta start living now.

00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,501

- Hey, everyone.

- Oh, hi.

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,504

- Hey.

- Hey. Well, today's my first lecture...

00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,632

...and I kind of wanted to try it out

on you guys. Do you mind?

00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,761

No, that'd be great.

00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,305

Okay.

00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,642

[SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT]

00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,818

"There are three primary theories

concerning sediment flow rate.

00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:41,530

Each of these theories can be further

subcategorized into two..."

00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,449

Oh, this is it.

This is what's gonna kill me.

00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:51,331

"...subcategories.

The first of these subcategories is..."

00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,125

JOEY:

Um, Ross? Heh.

00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,877

Are there, uh, naked chicks

on that piece of paper?

00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,548

No. Why?

00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,134

Well, I just never seen a guy

stare so hard at paper...

00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,844

...that didn't have naked chicks on it.

00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:09,433

Oh, okay. Okay.

00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,771

"There are three primary theories...

00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,443

...concerning sediment flow rate.

00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,572

Each of these theories...

00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:27,826

...can be further subcategorized into..."

00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,037

Why don't you open with a joke?

00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:35,083

Open with a joke?

It's a university, not a comedy club.

00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,210

Wait a minute, hold the phone.

00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,297

You're not talking about

Chuckles University?

00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:42,716

Okay.

00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,426

GROUP:

Come on, we're kidding.

00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,636

You know what might make it

less boring?

00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:48,096

Thank you.

00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,016

Some, um... Some visual aids.

00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,851

Oh, oh!

You know what's a good visual aid?

00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,895

Please don't say naked chicks.

00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,522

Why not?

00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:01,151

I don't even know why I bothered

to even talk to you guys about it.

00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,613

You know, I'm just gonna do it on my own,

with no naked chicks.

00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,574

That's the way I did it till I was 19.

00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,289

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,916

Any good mail?

00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,293

Yes, you got something

from the Screen Actors Guild.

00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:22,422

Ooh, it's probably a residual check.

Hey, can you open it? I got...

00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:27,219

- "Benefits lapsed."

- Hmm. That's weird.

00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,430

I don't remember being in a movie

called Benefits Lapsed.

00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,516

Okay, it's not a check.

00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,852

They're saying your health insurance

expired because...

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...you didn't work enough last year.

- Let me see that.

00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,107

All right.

00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,734

Oh, I can't believe this.

00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,653

This sucks.

00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,489

When I had insurance,

I could get hit by a bus...

00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,158

...or catch on fire, you know?

00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,245

And it wouldn't matter.

Now I gotta be careful?

00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,290

I'm sorry, man.

There's never a good time to have to...

00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,793

...stop catching on fire.

00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,671

All right, well...

00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,298

...I guess I gotta go get a job.

I'm gonna see my agent.

00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:08,343

Okay, make sure to look both ways

before you cross the street.

00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,139

[MIMICKING] "Make sure to look both ways

before you cross the street."

00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,523

- Hey.

- Hey, Pheebs, you're still alive.

00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,068

How are you feeling?

00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:27,946

It's so exhausting, waiting for death.

00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,699

Oh, by the way, do you think you...

00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,576

[CHOKES]

00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,746

Pheebs, what are you doing?

00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,541

I was preparing you for...

Didn't you think I was dead?

00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,293

Did that not come off?

00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:46,089

Oh, yeah, scared the hell out of me.

I thought we'd lost you forever.

00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:49,050

- Pheebs, you wanna lie down?

- Yeah, thanks.

00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,344

And listen, can you do me a favor?

00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,472

Could you just wake me up

in a couple hours.

00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,724

You know, if you can.

00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,646

RACHEL:

Monica?

00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,650

Did you take these back?

00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:10,697

No, no. I just liked them so much

that I went out and bought some for myself.

00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,116

Oh, yeah, they're really great,

aren't they?

00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,743

- I love them.

- Yeah.

00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,037

Nice try.

00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,917

- Hello.

- Hey, how'd the lecture go?

00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,336

It went great.

00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,423

And I didn't need any jokes

or naked chicks either.

00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,635

Oh, that's great. I'm sorry

we weren't supportive before.

00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:34,971

I knew all I had to do

was let the material speak for itself.

00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:38,225

Everyone's all, uh,

"Ross, you have to be funny and sexy."

00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,602

Well, I proved them wrong.

00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,648

And now I'm gonna pass

the news on to Joey and Chandler.

00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,609

- That you're not funny or sexy?

- That's right.

00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:57,244

- Hey, Estelle, listen...

- Well, well, well.

00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:58,912

Joey Tribbiani.

00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,206

So you came back, huh?

00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,792

They think they can do better,

but they all...

00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,962

...come crawling back to Estelle.

00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,549

What are you talking about?

00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,426

I never left you.

You've always been my agent.

00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,679

- Really?

- Yeah.

00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,224

Oh, well, no harm, no foul.

00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:24,145

Look, Estelle, you gotta get me some work.

I lost my health insurance.

00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,607

All right, first thing we gotta do:

Damage control.

00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,318

- Why?

- Well, I think, uh...

00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,779

...someone out there...

00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:36,449

...may have been bad-mouthing you

all over town.

00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,494

The bastard.

00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,045

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,091

So Estelle lined up a bunch

of auditions for me tomorrow.

00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:56,177

And I'll have my health insurance

back in no time.

00:09:57,346 --> 00:10:00,890

That's great, but shouldn't you

be on the toilet right now?

00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,855

- What?

- What's wrong with you?

00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,023

Nothing.

00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:13,028

Well, I got this blinding pain in my stomach

when I was lifting weights before.

00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,155

And then I, uh, passed out...

00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,575

...and, uh, I haven't been able

to stand up since. Ha, ha.

00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,536

But I don't think it's anything serious.

00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,706

This sounds like a hernia.

You have to... Go to the doctor.

00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,124

No way.

00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,043

If I'm gonna go to the doctor

for anything...

00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:31,463

...it's gonna be for this thing

sticking out of my stomach.

00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,009

That's a hernia.

00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:39,054

Why'd I have to start

working out again?

00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,556

Damn you, 15s.

00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,104

We're a little early.

The lecture doesn't end for 15 minutes.

00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,732

- Yeah, but we can sneak in and watch.

- Yeah. Good.

00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,610

Oh, hey, look.

There's some Kappa Kappa Deltas.

00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,863

I was a Kappa. Hey, sisters.

00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,409

Wow, we really are bitches.

00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,165

[IN BRITISH ACCENT]

Right. So when Rigby got his samples...

00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,833

...back from the laboratory...

00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,670

...he made a startling discovery.

00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:18,760

What he believed to be igneous

was, in fact, sedimentary.

00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,597

Imagine his consternation when...

00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,645

Oh, bloody hell.

00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,735

What the hell are you doing?

00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,279

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

Look, I was nervous.

00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,116

You guys had me all worried

I was gonna be boring.

00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,744

I got up there and they were

all, like, staring at me.

00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:48,623

I opened my mouth and this

British accent just came out.

00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,501

Yeah, and not a very good one.

00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,712

Will you, please?

00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,755

Dr. Geller? Kurt Rathman.

00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,383

I'm a professor in the paleontology

department here.

00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,553

Do you have a moment

to talk about your lecture?

00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:04,723

[IN BRITISH ACCENT]

I'm sorry, I've got plans with my sister.

00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,891

[IN IRISH ACCENT]

Monica Geller.

00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:11,938

Right. Will you excuse us

for one moment?

00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,523

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

What are you doing?

00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,817

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

You can have an accent, but I can't?

00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,278

[IN IRISH ACCENT]

Top of the morning to you, laddies.

00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,989

Would you just please stop?

00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,074

[IN EAST INDIAN ACCENT]

Yes.

00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,286

Bombay is very, very nice

this time of year.

00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,836

[JOEY GRUNTING]

00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,929

Hey, will you grab me a cruller?

00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,057

Sit down.

00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:53,104

- Will you go to the hospital?

- Dude, hernia operations cost, like...

00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:55,106

...a lot probably, okay?

00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,692

Besides, it's getting darker

and more painful.

00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,861

That means it's healing.

00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,614

Look, I will loan you the money.

00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,367

Just go to the hospital and

let's just get that thing...

00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,369

...pushed back in.

00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:11,790

Thank you, but it'd take me

forever to pay you that money back.

00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,375

And I don't want that

hanging over my head, okay?

00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,586

Besides, as soon as my insurance

kicks in...

00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,631

...I can get all the free operations I want.

00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,884

I think I'll probably start

with that laser eye surgery.

00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,596

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,223

JOEY: Hey.

- What's going on?

00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,891

Well, Joey's got a bad hernia...

00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,228

...but it's nothing a little

laser eye surgery won't fix.

00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,106

Look, I'm telling you, if I put my hand

on my stomach right here...

00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,442

...it doesn't hurt that bad. Ah.

00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,320

Hey, maybe you'll die.

00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,824

Chandler, I'm scared.

00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,826

PHOEBE:

No, we can go together.

00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,369

Just don't wait too long, though...

00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,038

...because I'm out of here

sometime before Friday.

00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,707

But I don't want to die.

00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:55,875

No, no. It'll be fun.

00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,169

We can come back

and we can haunt these guys.

00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,386

- Give me them.

- No, they are mine.

00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:08,680

- You stole them from me.

- You stole them from me.

00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,431

Give me them.

00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,644

You just wanna each take one?

00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,897

Yeah, that seems fair.

We never use them.

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,318

Look, I really need some help, okay?

00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:26,406

Why? Why did I have to speak

in a British accent?

00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,032

What do I do?

00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,744

Well, why don't you phase it out?

Yeah, phase the accent out.

00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:35,039

People will think that you're

adjusting to life in America.

00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,625

Yeah, I mean, come on.

No one will even notice.

00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,211

I mean, they're probably

not even listening to you.

00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,840

They're not listening to me?

00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,843

Of course they're listening to you.

00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,511

Everybody listens to you.

00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:52,390

Monica, do you really think I should

try this phasing-out thing?

00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,183

I think you look fine.

00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:00,565

DIRECTOR: Whenever you're ready.

- Okay.

00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,610

Hey, Timmy.

00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,738

I've got a surprise...

00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,448

...for you.

00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,283

DIRECTOR:

Hold it. I'm sorry.

00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,953

The surprise is a new swing set.

If you could play it less intense.

00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:18,166

Oh, yeah. Sure, no problem.

Just hold on one second.

00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:21,669

[GROANS]

00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,966

Hey, Timmy.

00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,553

I've got a surprise for you.

00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:31,721

Oh, my God!

00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,773

So that's why I feed my dog Purina One.

00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,608

Pick up a bag today.

00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,321

- That's where you pick up the bag.

- Exactly.

00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:53,284

No, the line is, "Pick up a bag,"

so you need to pick up the bag.

00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,829

Or I could just point to it. Huh?

00:15:56,997 --> 00:16:01,960

Blah, blah, blah. Purina One.

Point to a bag today.

00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,465

- I didn't get it, did I?

- No.

00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,925

Yeah, okay.

00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,513

Hi.

00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,431

I'm Joey Tribbiani.

00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:18,226

I'm here to audition for "Man."

00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,311

You mean "Dying Man."

00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:22,814

Yes.

00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:28,361

- Okay, come on. Do it one more time.

- Really? Really? Okay.

00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:33,449

[IRISH ACCENT]

Ross, this is Dr. McNeely...

00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:36,327

...from Fake Accent University.

00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,830

We'd like you to come onboard

with us full-time.

00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,081

[BOTH LAUGHING]

00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,043

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,628

PHOEBE:

Listen to this.

00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,506

My reading was wrong.

I'm not going to die.

00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,592

- Really? How do you know?

- Because my psychic is dead.

00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,682

- She must have read the cards wrong.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,767

Ah, better her than me.

00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:02,061

Hey, let's bake cookies!

00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,777

Listen, I'm really glad you got the part.

00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,154

[GRUNTS]

00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,198

- Are you sure you can do this?

- Yeah.

00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,950

And, hey, thanks for coming with me.

00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:19,287

And thanks again

for helping me take a shower.

00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:25,209

Now, is that

"never talking about it again"?

00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:29,297

Hey, Joey. We're ready for you.

00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,175

Joey, this is Alex.

He's gonna be playing your son.

00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,551

Hi, Alex.

00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,888

And, uh, as you can see,

my hands are not in my pants.

00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,308

Okay.

00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:44,687

All right, uh, Alex.

Now, when Joey says his line:

00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:48,816

"Take good care of your mama, son,"

that's your cue to cry. Got it?

00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,902

All right, let's do this.

00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,741

Scene five, take one.

00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,535

DIRECTOR:

And action.

00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:12,423

Take good care of your mama, son.

00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,428

Come on, son.

00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,223

Your mama's good people.

00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,183

Cut.

00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,186

Alex, remember,

you're supposed to cry.

00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,605

- Can you cry for us this time?

- Okay.

00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,191

All right. From the top.

00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:35,154

Scene five, take two.

00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,824

Take 36 is up.

00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,201

DIRECTOR:

Let's try this again.

00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:41,702

You ready, Joe?

00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,664

Uh, one thing,

is it all right with you if I scream...

00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,749

...right up until you say, "Action"?

00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,793

- Sure.

- Okay.

00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,336

[SCREAMING]

00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:54,590

- Action!

- Take good care of your mama, son.

00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,095

- Cut.

- Aah!

00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,348

I'm sorry. Hey, hey.

Joe, why don't you lift up your shirt?

00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,392

Take a look at this, kiddo.

00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,020

[CRYING]

00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:11,357

We have a crying child!

Roll the damn cameras!

00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,026

[PHONE RINGING]

00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,739

- Hello.

- Hello, is Ross there?

00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,449

No, he's not. Can I take a message?

00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:23,035

Yes, this is Russell,

Ross' divorce lawyer.

00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,246

Just tell him that since

I haven't heard from him...

00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,665

...I assume he's decided

to give the marriage a try.

00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,127

Ross got married again? Aah! No.

00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,133

ROSS: All right, keep going.

We are phasing the accent out.

00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,218

Phasing it out.

00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:43,973

"So without retesting their results

in the laboratory...

00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,685

...the team would never

have identified...

00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:56,152

...the initial errors

in their carbon dating analysis."

00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:00,489

Were there any questions

at this point?

00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,327

- Yes.

- What's happening to your accent?

00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,124

[IN BRITISH ACCENT]

Come again? What's this nonsense?

00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,626

[CHUCKLES]

00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,964

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

All right. I'm not English.

00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,927

I'm from Long Island.

00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,846

I was really nervous, and the accent...

00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,806

...just, um... Just came out.

00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,184

Ha, ha. I'm sorry.

00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:33,022

So if we could just

get back to the lecture.

00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,984

Um, were there any questions?

00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:41,322

About paleontology?

00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:47,703

All right, look, I was just trying

to make a good first impression.

00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:49,747

Obviously, I screwed up.

00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,083

But what you guys think of me

is really important...

00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,294

...because I'm hoping

to get a permanent job here.

00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:58,839

So if you'd just give me another

chance to make a good impression...

00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,258

[DOOR OPENS]

00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,510

Ross. Are you crazy?

00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:06,055

I am still your wife?

What, were you just never gonna tell me?

00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,391

What the hell is wrong with you?

00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,977

Ugh, I could just kill you!

00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:17,775

[BRITISH ACCENT]

Well, hello, Rachel.

00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,662

- You've really done this before?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:32,456

You just take a big, big swing, okay?

00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,542

Now, don't hold back.

00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:39,005

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,381

What are you doing?

00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:44,093

We're just celebrating that Joey

got his health insurance back.

00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,804

Oh, all right.

00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,145

[English - US - SDH]