Эпизод c аптекарским столиком

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ROSS: Hey.

CHANDLER: Hey.

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Listen, uh...

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You think I have a chance with Janine?

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Ugh, we've been through this.

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Don't do this to yourself.

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She made it clear it isn't

going to happen.

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All right, then. I guess I shouldn't

get too excited about the fact...

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...that I just kissed her!

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- Are you serious?

- That's great!

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Yeah, well, we'll see.

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You kissed her?

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Oh, we kissed it up real nice.

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So you kissed. Then what happened?

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I came over here to tell you guys.

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So she's waiting over

there for you?

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Yeah.

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- I gotta go.

- Okay.

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I'm gonna be late

for dance class.

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Okay.

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- Okay, now I'm really leaving.

- All right.

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But can you just...

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...just leave your lips?

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- Bye.

- Bye.

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Have you kissed her yet?

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It's awesome!

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I could do it forever.

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You know what? She kisses better

than my mom cooks.

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- I'm so glad you said "cooks."

- Right?

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Rachel, you've got to tell

the post office that you've moved.

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We still get your bills and stuff.

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Oh! Oh! Pottery Barn!

You can throw the rest away.

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I'm not your garbage man.

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I'm your mailman.

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Monica, look.

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Here is that table that I ordered. Ah!

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- You got it from Pottery Barn?

- Yeah. It's an apothecary table.

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Does anyone even know what

an apothecary is?

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A pharmacist.

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[IN MOCKING TONE]

A pharmacist.

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Phoebe hates Pottery Barn.

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I hate Pottery Barn too.

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They kicked me out just

because I sat on a bed.

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You took off your pants

and got under the sheets.

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I was tired.

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Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?

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She hates mass-produced stuff.

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She thinks her furniture

should have a story behind it.

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This has a story behind it.

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They had to ship it all the way

from the White Plains store.

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It's got to be one-of-a-kind.

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Like that God-awful ceramic fruit

bowl she has on her counter?

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Hey! I made that for her.

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- You made pottery?

- Yeah.

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I made it out of a fruit bowl

I found in the garbage.

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If you put that in her apartment,

you'll never hear the end of it.

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I'll tell her that it's an antique.

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She doesn't have to know

where it came from.

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Ah, I love these little drawers.

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Oh, look!

It says that it holds 300 CDs.

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Ah, just like the apothecary tables

of yore.

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So the farmer says:

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"That's not a cow,

and you're not milking."

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[ALL LAUGHING]

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I'm so glad you're together.

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We wanted a couple to go out with

and now we have one.

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We're a couple of couples.

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I had so much fun tonight.

What a great restaurant!

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And Chandler, I can't believe

I let you pay for this one.

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Thanks again, man.

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If you come over tomorrow,

I'll make pasta.

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- That'd be great!

- Okay.

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But at least let us

bring the wine.

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- You don't have to.

- Ah, I insist.

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- You'll get the wine, right?

- Yeah.

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- Okay, good night.

- See you tomorrow.

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Can't wait.

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How are we going to get

out of that one?

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- What?

- I can't handle two nights in a row...

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...with them.

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What's wrong with them?

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They're just a little...

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...blah!

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Blah?

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Well, you know, he's blah.

She's just...

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She's very loud for such

a small person.

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Uh, they're my best friends.

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Are you saying we can't go out?

'Cause that'd be a problem.

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Of course we can still

hang out with them.

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Just not two nights in a row.

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- Okay?

- I guess.

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Thank you.

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[JOEY MOANING]

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I'll sell my friends and use

the money to buy you presents.

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- Hey.

- Hey.

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Ooh! What a great table!

Where did you get it?

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Guess.

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Um, a flea market?

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Ha, I knew you would get it

on the first guess.

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Isn't it cool?

It's an apothecary table.

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Ah, wow.

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You can just imagine

that this is where...

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...they kept all their stuff

to make potions.

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- You know?

- Ooh, yes.

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Ooh, you can almost smell the opium.

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Almost.

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Oh, how much was it?

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Just only 500 bucks.

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500 bucks at a flea market?

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I thought you meant how much was it...

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...when it was new, back then.

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- Oh, no.

- Yeah, no.

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It was at a flea market,

so it was like a dollar.

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- A dollar?

- And fifty?

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So it was like

one and fifty dollars.

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- They gave you the old-time pricing.

- Yeah.

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Well, what period is it from?

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Uh, it's from yore.

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Like, the "days of yore," you know?

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Yes. Yes, I do.

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- It's just perfect.

- Oh, good.

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I bet it has a great story too.

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Did they tell you

where it's from or...

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Yes, that I know.

This is from, uh, White Plains.

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[GASPS]

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- White Plains.

- Mm-hm.

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Ooh, it sounds like

such a magical place.

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- I'm here.

- Hi!

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[RACHEL GASPS]

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Oh, my God!

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- You like it?

- Oh, my God!

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It's my new apothecary table!

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Phoebe'll be here any second.

She can't see this.

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Why not? She'll love it.

It's the real thing.

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I got it at Pottery Barn.

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I know. I bought the same one.

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And if she sees your table,

she'll know I lied.

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- I said ours was an original.

- Why?

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Because she hates Pottery Barn.

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She hates Pottery Barn?

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She says it's all mass-produced...

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...nothing is authentic, and everyone

winds up having the same stuff.

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So come on!

Can we cover this up, please?

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What? No, no.

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I am not gonna hide it from Phoebe.

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Although I did get some great

Pottery Barn sheets.

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[GASPS]

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Ooh, I forgot they made sheets!

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Heh, yeah.

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I still can't believe

she hates Pottery Barn.

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It's not like she hates you.

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Yeah, but Pottery Barn?

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You know what I think?

She's just weird.

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It's because she's a twin.

Twins are weird.

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She's not weird. She likes

her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.

00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:53,823

Huh. You know what's

not one-of-a-kind? A twin!

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Let's turn out the lights

and watch the movie.

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- Hey, ooh, cool sheet!

- You like it?

00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:08,213

- You want to know where I got it?

- Sure.

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At a flea market.

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You buy your sheets

at a flea market?

00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:17,889

Come on, you gotta loosen the

purse strings a little.

00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:21,518

- Hey.

- Hey.

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Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes.

00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,898

Here is the wine to bring

over tonight.

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You were also gonna

buy Monica flowers...

00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,488

...but you couldn't because

you paid for dinner last night.

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Thanks. But, uh, it's just

gonna be me tonight.

00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:42,080

- What happened to Janine?

- She's, uh, really sick.

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- That's too bad.

- Yeah, she's been in there all day.

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Uh, high fever, nose problem. It's...

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...phlegm, phlegm,

phlegm, phlegm, phlegm.

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Monica! Chandler!

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I'm sorry about tonight.

I don't know if Joey told you...

00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:05,270

...but I couldn't get out

of going to this play.

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Have a great time, huh?

00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:16,573

That's funny, I saw no phlegm.

00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:22,996

Oh, no, she really is sick.

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Then why is she going to a play?

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Uh, well, you know, "Starve a fever...

00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,711

...go to a play for a cold."

00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:34,799

Why is Janine not coming

over for dinner?

00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:38,637

Uh, she didn't want to hang out with

you guys two nights in a row.

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I'm so sorry.

00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,600

Why doesn't she want

to hang out with us?

00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,897

Because she, uh, thinks that

you are "blah."

00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,777

And that, uh, you, Monica,

are too loud.

00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,445

What?!

00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,115

[WHISPERING]

What?

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So she just pretended to

have a good time?

00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,036

She was lying to our faces?

00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,080

MONICA [IN NORMAL VOICE]:

I can't believe this.

00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:06,289

Who is she to judge us?

00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:10,835

- We couldn't have been nicer to her.

- And I am not "blah." I am a hoot!

00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,045

I know, I know.

00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,589

Come on, please, you guys.

Don't be mad.

00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,591

I'm sure she said it...

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...because she was nervous 'cause

you're my best friends.

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And it was our first date.

00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:25,350

Plus, she's really sick.

00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,479

You said you made that up!

00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,565

But isn't the "sick" thing

better than the "play" thing?

00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,986

They're both good. I generally just

go with, "Monica's drunk again."

00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:42,534

Come on, please just

give her another chance.

00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,287

- She'll come around, I promise.

- Of course we will.

00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,082

- Come on, we gotta make dinner.

- Okay.

00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,130

MONICA:

I do not like that woman!

00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:57,549

I can hear you!

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MONICA:

I am loud!

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[IN UNISON]

Aw.

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[ALL LAUGHING]

00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,396

PHOEBE:

Isn't it good?

00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:14,733

Can you please not put your

feet up on my new...

00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,735

...old sheet.

00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:18,778

Oh, sure.

00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:19,988

[ALL SHOUT]

00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,948

My apothecary table!

00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,743

PHOEBE: What?

- No!

00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,747

- Where did you get this?

- At Pottery Barn, okay?

00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,251

Oh, my God!

00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:37,797

Pottery Barn has ripped off

the design of our antique!

00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:39,007

[PHOEBE GASPS]

00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:42,343

Wow. If they've ripped off our table...

00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:45,513

...ours must be worth much more

than one and fifty dollars.

00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:50,018

This doesn't even

smell like opium.

00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,188

It smells like wine,

which you spilled.

00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,356

And thanks for wrecking my sheet.

00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:59,569

Ross, calm down.

I'll give you the 80 cents.

00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,534

Okay, one more time.

00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,411

Would you like some orange juice?

00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:12,165

- Perfect decibel.

- [SHOUTING] I know!

00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,460

Hey.

00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,712

Uh, what are you guys doing?

00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,424

Nothing. We're just talking.

You know, blah-blah-blah.

00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,220

Come on, you said you were gonna try.

00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:29,057

I came over to invite you to

a movie with me and Janine.

00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,767

- What do you say?

- I'd like to...

00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,353

[WHISPERING]

...but I'm not sure if we have the time.

00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,106

Ha, very funny. I don't know

what to do.

00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:39,234

I really want you to get along.

00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:42,195

Please, come to the movie with us.

You owe me.

00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,113

- We owe you?

JOEY: That's right.

00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,367

I helped you out in the

start of your relationship.

00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,744

I helped you sneak around

for six months.

00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,412

I looked like an idiot.

00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,414

And I was humiliated.

00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,291

And I only made $200.

00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,879

We didn't give you any money.

00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,884

You don't think I know that?

00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:12,559

I can't decide if it goes

better by the new chair...

00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:13,768

...the Sahara desk...

00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,187

...or the Parker console table.

00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,773

I didn't know there was

a Pottery Barn up here.

00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,527

- I know, I went a little crazy.

- A little?

00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,572

Your place looks like page 72

of the catalog.

00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,283

Look at that!

00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:32,579

- The ornamental birdcage! Large.

- Ha, ha.

00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:38,501

Oh, Ross? Be careful.

That is very old.

00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:42,964

Colonial bird merchants used to

bring their birds to market in that.

00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,508

Fascinating.

00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:47,677

[PHOEBE GASPS]

00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:51,347

Another amazing find! Wow.

00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,976

- I bet this has a great story too.

- It does.

00:14:55,144 --> 00:15:00,148

It is a room-separating apparatus

from Colonial times.

00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,611

Huh, a lot of this stuff is from

the Colonial times.

00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,822

What are some other

time periods, Rachel?

00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,826

Well, there's yore.

00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,874

Ahem, and, uh, you know, yesteryear.

00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:22,795

Rachel has such a

good eye for this stuff.

00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,423

Ross, if you ever decide

to redecorate...

00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,051

- and I think you should...

00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,969

- you should ask Rachel to help.

00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,679

Aw, he doesn't need my help.

00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:35,141

I think he's ready to get rid

of the... What'd you call it?

00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,644

The, uh, "cheap knockoffs

and dinosaur junk"?

00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,275

Really?

00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:49,530

You know, since you have such a

great sense of what I need...

00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:51,574

Uh, here's 60 bucks.

00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:55,703

Why don't you take Phoebe down

to that Colonial, uh, flea market...

00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,413

...and get me some stuff?

00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,587

I don't think Phoebe wants to come.

00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,589

- I do want to.

- She does want to.

00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,257

- She does want to.

PHOEBE: Yeah!

00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,267

I guess the flea market

was just better last time.

00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:21,354

Well, at least I got these

sheets for Ross.

00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,400

Ugh, look at this. Pottery Barn.

00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:29,112

Ugh, yeah, you know what?

Don't look at it.

00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,781

- Seriously, don't look at it.

- Look!

00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,158

There's the table

they stole from us.

00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,285

Oh, those bastards! Let's go.

00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:42,458

That fan kind of looks like ours,

and the birdcage, and...

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,795

Wait a second, this is our

exact living room!

00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,131

No, it's not.

00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:50,633

Come on, ours is totally different.

00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:54,595

I mean, we don't have the...

We don't have that lamp.

00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:59,767

And that screen is on

the other side.

00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,938

Oh, my God. This is where you

got all our stuff.

00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:07,108

- Pottery Barn! Oh, my God!

- No. No.

00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,736

Okay, I did, all right?

I'm sorry.

00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:13,990

I wanted this stuff and I know

how you feel about Pottery Barn.

00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:17,076

- Come on, don't be mad.

- No, but I am mad.

00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:20,329

Because this stuff is what's

wrong with the world...

00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,874

...and it's in my living room...

00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:27,003

...and all I can think about is

how I don't have that lamp!

00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,131

Well, then, honey, buy the lamp.

00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,633

We have that 60 bucks from Ross.

00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,971

I can't! I can't!

00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,098

Unless...

00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:43,102

Are you saying you'd move out

if I didn't buy that lamp?

00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,354

No, I'm not gonna move out!

00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:49,484

But are you saying that you would

move out if I didn't buy that lamp?

00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:54,280

- Yes! I would so move out.

- Then I don't have a choice.

00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:57,825

- I have to buy that lamp!

- That's right.

00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,828

But at least the apothecary

table's real.

00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:09,921

This was great.

Didn't everybody have a great time?

00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,757

I did. I really did.

And I've got to say...

00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,469

...I'm sorry if I was weird after

the last time we went out.

00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,387

I guess I was just nervous.

00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,432

- That's understandable.

- Don't worry about it.

00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,850

So we can go out again?

00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,644

- Absolutely.

JANINE: Well, good.

00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:27,063

- Okay, well, good night.

- Good night.

00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,277

See, huh?

00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,695

Wasn't that fun?

00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,781

We have got to move.

00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,991

What?

00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,493

I knew it!

00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,705

You're not so quiet yourself, missy!

00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,585

I'm blah? The only thing more

boring than modern dance...

00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,129

...is you talking about it.

00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,755

[MIMICKING JANINE]

"Oh, Chandler...

00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,966

...I just lost myself in the movement."

00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,346

You know, I know you're talking...

00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,349

...but all I hear is

blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:06,894

All right, you and me!

Let's go, right now!

00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:08,396

All right, enough!

00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,608

Enough! You two, go home.

I gotta talk to Janine.

00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,236

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

I really think you could take her.

00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,989

You better hope I don't

see you in the hallway!

00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,121

All right. Uh...

00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,999

Look, we got a little bit

of a problem here.

00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,626

You can't my treat

my friends that way.

00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:35,381

- They said stuff to me too.

- I know, I'll talk to them about it.

00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,258

They mean so much to me.

00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,719

They're like my family, you know?

00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:43,055

If you guys are gonna be

fighting all the time...

00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:48,311

I don't think we can be together.

It just can't work, okay?

00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:49,645

It can't.

00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:51,606

I'm very upset.

00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,817

Okay.

00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:57,278

Would it help if I apologized?

00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,155

Yeah.

00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,115

That'd be very helpful.

00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,789

What did I tell you about the hall?

00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,878

I was coming over to

apologize for my behavior.

00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,090

I'd really like it if we

could be friends.

00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:24,931

Well, I know that would

make Joey happy, so...

00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,225

...I would like that too.

00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,895

- Great.

- Now, come on.

00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:36,359

- I'm glad we worked it out.

- Me too.

00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:38,486

- I'll see you.

- Bye.

00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:41,822

- Or I'll hear you.

- That's it, big girl!

00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,493

Wait!

00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,249

You'd better run!

00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,126

Did you hear that?

00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,964

- What am I gonna do?

- I'm sorry, man.

00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,842

- Want to go watch?

- Yeah!

00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:11,519

- Hey.

ROSS: Hey.

00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,397

- How you doing?

- So, uh, did she move out?

00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:16,399

Pretty much.

00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:18,943

I can't believe you just

broke up with her.

00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,195

When it's not right, you know it.

00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:24,615

- You okay?

- I'll be all right.

00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:28,953

- You know what'd cheer you up?

- What?

00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:33,082

I'm giving this lecture on

erosion theories tomorrow night.

00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,169

I think you should come.

00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:42,258

[LAUGHING]

00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,304

You're right, that did cheer me up.

00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,312

[English - US - SDH]