Эпизод c шуткой

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I made up a joke

and sent it in to Playboy.

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,718

They printed it. Yeah.

00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,680

I didn't know they prints jokes.

00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:17,683

They print jokes, interviews,

hard-hitting journalism.

00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,727

It's not just about the pictures.

00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,438

It didn't work on Mom,

it's not gonna work on us.

00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,733

Here, check it out. It's the first one too.

00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,485

Right there.

00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,863

GROUP:

Ha, ha.

00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,364

CHANDLER:

That is funny.

00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:34,700

It was also funny when I made it up.

00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,871

- What?

- I made that joke up.

00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,914

Uh, oh, oh. No, you didn't. I did.

00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:45,669

Uh, uh, oh. Yes, I did. I told Dan and he said it

was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,921

Hey, tell Dan thanks.

00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,009

[LAUGHING]

00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,427

What?

00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:57,389

I'm sorry. I was just reading the joke below it.

Man, that one is funny.

00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:03,103

Monica, you remember me

telling you that joke, right?

00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,147

- No.

- Seriously?

00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,441

You tell a lot of jokes.

00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:10,444

Look, it's my joke.

00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:14,073

But if it makes you feel any better,

they don't print the name.

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So it doesn't really matter

who gets credit.

00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:17,993

Yeah, I guess.

00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:20,913

- Hey, guys.

- Joey, Playboy printed my joke!

00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,957

No, it's mine! It's my joke. Call them!

They'll tell you!

00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,250

- My joke!

- My joke!

00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:26,877

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,962

Jokes? What...?

00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,757

You guys know they have naked chicks

in there, right?

00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:16,635

Dude! You have got to turn on

Behind The Music.

00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:20,430

The band Heart is having a really tough

time and they may break up.

00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,641

Let's watch that at your place.

00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:26,311

Monica's watching a show. I don't

want to miss when they were skinny.

00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,523

Hey, Chandler.

You know what we should do?

00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:33,402

You and I should go out

and get some new sunglasses.

00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,071

What? No, I want to watch this.

00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:42,578

- Did your cable go out?

- No. No, that's VH1.

00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,706

I gotta tell you, the music

these kids listen to today...

00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,416

...it's a lot of noise to me.

00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,336

Why is your cable out?

00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:55,174

Uh... Oh, because I haven't

really paid the bill. Heh, heh.

00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,886

If you need money, would you

please let me loan you some money?

00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,555

No, Chandler. Forget about it, okay?

00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,767

I know things have been tight since

Janine moved out. God, was she hot.

00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,811

- Whoa.

- I know, yeah.

00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:12,024

Look, I can handle it, all right?

I can listen to the radio.

00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,277

And Ross gave me this great book.

00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:19,698

Want to see if the joke stealer

will let us watch the show at his place?

00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,158

Sure.

00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,954

- Paid your phone bill?

- Not so much.

00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,755

- Hey.

MONICA & RACHEL: Oh.

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It's only you.

00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:39,968

- What are you doing?

- We are looking at a Playboy.

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I want to look too!

00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:45,974

Yikes!

00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,979

Do you think these pictures

are trying to tell a story?

00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,233

Sure. Like in the case

of this young woman...

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...she has lost her clothes.

00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:01,990

So she rides naked on the horse, she's

crying out, "Where are they? Where are they?"

00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,620

She's not gonna find them,

lying in the grass like that.

00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:10,999

PHOEBE:

Oh. Yeah.

00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,835

Remember the days when you'd

go out to the barn...

00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,713

...lift up your shirt and bend over?

RACHEL: Yeah.

00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,512

You see, now, I would date this girl.

00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,348

She's cute, she's outdoorsy.

00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,768

And she knows how to build a fire.

That'll come in handy.

00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,520

I got a question.

00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:35,399

If you had to pick one of us to date,

who would it be?

00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,943

- I don't know.

- Me neither.

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Rachel.

00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:41,738

What?

00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,200

I don't know.

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Me neither.

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You know, you forget how many

great songs Heart had.

00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,419

CHANDLER:

Yeah.

00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,841

"Barracuda" was the first song

I learned to play on the keyboard.

00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,594

So you heard it, you repeated it...

00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,514

...so that must mean you wrote it.

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,352

Oh, you guys with this joke.

Well, I gotta say...

00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:15,397

...I know I cracked up,

but I'm not even sure I got it.

00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:17,065

What?

00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,026

You didn't get it?

00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,528

The doctor is a monkey.

00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:22,904

[BOTH LAUGH]

00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,657

And monkeys

can't write out prescriptions.

00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,035

[CHANDLER & ROSS LAUGHING]

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You are not allowed

to laugh at my joke.

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Your joke?

00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,293

Well, I think the Hef would disagree.

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Which is why he sent me a check...

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...for $100.

00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:44,843

So you stole my joke

and you stole my money?

00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,137

I was gonna stick it in the ATM.

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But now I think I'll show

the sexy teller...

00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,310

...that I am a published writer.

00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,771

Well, she'll know that you stole the joke.

00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,481

You gonna follow me down there?

00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,524

- Yeah.

- I'm not gonna go now.

00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,109

Okay.

00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,822

- Here you go.

- Oh.

00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,366

Ah.

00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,618

Uh, Gunther?

00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,621

I can't pay for this now,

because I'm not working.

00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,499

I've had to cut down

on some luxuries like...

00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,210

...paying for stuff, so...

00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,963

Well, if you want, you can work here.

00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,049

Uh, I don't know.

00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:25,509

It's just...

00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,262

See, I was a regular on a soap opera,

you know?

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And to go from that to this,

it's just...

00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,435

And plus, I'd have to wait

on all my friends.

00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,437

Okay. But the money's good.

00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:40,524

Plus, you get to stare at Rachel

as much as you want.

00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,486

What?

00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,780

Flexible hours.

00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,825

Maybe I could be a waiter.

00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,451

Could I use the phone?

00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,043

She picked Rachel.

00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:04,714

She tried to back out of it, but

it was obvious. She picked Rachel.

00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,051

He took my joke. He just took it.

00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:11,513

This is wrong.

You know what else is wrong?

00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,473

Phoebe picking Rachel.

00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,600

You know who else picked Rachel? Ross.

00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,687

You know what else Ross did?

He stole my joke.

00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,691

I'm gonna get a joke journal,

you know?

00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,403

And document the date and time

of every single one of my jokes.

00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,905

Good idea. Know what's a bad idea?

00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:31,408

- Picking Rachel.

- That's right.

00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:33,952

[THUD]

00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,620

Did you hear something?

00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:40,000

Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing

into my brain and stealing my thoughts.

00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,878

It's coming from the living room.

00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,385

I finished my book.

00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,017

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,604

- Hey, you guys.

- Hey.

00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,898

Don't you guys look cute.

00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,066

You guys make a cute couple.

00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,195

Monica, what are you doing?

00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:12,491

Just trying to re-create some of

the fun that we had at my place the other day.

00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,035

Remember?

When you picked Rachel over me?

00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,787

That was funny. Ha, ha, ha.

00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,624

- It was kind of funny.

- It wasn't funny at all!

00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:23,793

Why would you do that?

00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,962

Why didn't you pick me?

00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,506

Fine.

00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:31,885

The reason I was leaning a little

bit more toward Rachel than you...

00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:33,970

...is just, you know, you're...

00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,723

...high maintenance.

Let's go to lunch.

00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,392

That is completely untrue.

00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,937

You think I'm high maintenance?

Prove it.

00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,774

You write out a list,

and we'll go through it point by point.

00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,070

No, you're right, you're easygoing.

00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,575

You're just not as easygoing

as Rachel. She's just more...

00:08:55,826 --> 00:08:58,119

...flexible and mellow. That's all.

00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,750

Well, people are different.

00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:08,880

Yeah, Rachel will do whatever you want.

You can just walk all over her.

00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:13,927

What? Are you saying, that I'm

a pushover? I'm not a pushover.

00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,347

Oh, okay. You're not a pushover.

00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,768

You think I'm a pushover.

Well, watch this.

00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,853

You're not invited to lunch!

00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,565

What do you think?

I think that's pretty strong.

00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,025

Come on, Monica, let's go to lunch.

00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:30,902

Pssh.

00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,780

You start working on that list.

00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,868

- I cannot believe her.

- I know. Where do you want to eat?

00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:43,623

- Oh... Oh, I love that Japanese place.

- I'm sick of Japanese. Not going there.

00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:46,334

- Wherever you want to go is cool.

- All right.

00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,632

Oh, hey, Gunther...

00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:54,467

...check this out.

00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,970

[GUNTHER LAUGHING]

00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,681

Yeah. Man, that Chandler cracks me up.

00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,813

Hey, Ross, you want anything to drink?

I'm heading up there.

00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:09,441

- Yeah. I'll take a coffee. Thanks.

- Sure.

00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,276

- Coffee?

- No.

00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,069

Coffee? I'm going up there.

00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,529

- RACHEL: No.

- No, thank you.

00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,491

You need anything?

I'm heading up there.

00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,243

I'd love ice water.

00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:21,995

You got it.

00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:24,706

Joey, what are you doing?

00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,291

Just being friendly.

00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,046

Joey, you're not supposed to go back there.

00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,256

No, it's okay. Right, Gunther?

00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,176

Don't wink at me.

00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,304

And put on your apron.

00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,515

Okay. Heh, heh.

00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:46,394

I don't see you asking other

paying customers to put on aprons.

00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,440

- Joey, do you work here?

- No.

00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,192

- Waiter.

- Yeah!

00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,660

Joey, what's going on?

Why didn't you tell us you work here?

00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,078

Uh...

00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:09,376

It's kind of embarrassing. I mean,

I was an actor, now I'm a waiter.

00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,836

It's supposed to go

in the other direction.

00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,382

So's your apron.

You're wearing it like a cape.

00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:19,803

I mean, the job's easy

and the money's good, you know?

00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:23,973

I guess if I'm hanging out here,

I might as well get paid for it. Right?

00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,435

I just feel kind of weird

serving you guys, you know?

00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:28,770

MONICA:

It'll be great.

00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,439

Come on, I did it and it was fine.

00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,149

Why would it be weird?

00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:36,361

Hey, Joey? Can I get some coffee?

00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,572

Okay. It doesn't seem that weird.

00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,492

Seriously, I asked before.

You still haven't gotten it.

00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,454

See, now it's weird again.

00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:50,583

I think it's great. You're gonna make

a lot of money. Here's your first tip.

00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:55,004

Don't eat yellow snow. Ha, ha, ha.

00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,300

2: 15, coffeehouse.

00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:04,389

This is great. Finally, I have

someone I can pass my wisdom to.

00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,559

Let me tell you some things

I learned working at the coffeehouse.

00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,854

First, the customer is always right.

00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,566

A smile goes a long way.

00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:19,988

And if anyone is ever rude to you,

sneeze muffin.

00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:22,991

Thanks, Rach.

00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:27,746

Hey, look, you guys are just terrific,

you know?

00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,082

How about clearing out

so I can get some new customers, huh?

00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,376

It's all about turnover.

00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,379

Joey.

00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,548

Seriously, can I get my coffee?

00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,135

I'm sorry, Ross. I'll get it right now.

00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:45,472

And since you wait,

I'll toss in a free muffin.

00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,897

Phoebe, we'd like to talk to you.

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,690

Okay.

00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,068

So, maybe I am

a little high maintenance.

00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,197

And maybe Rachel is

a little bit of a pushover.

00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,115

But you know what we decided you are?

00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:08,077

We are sorry to tell you this,

but you, Phoebe, are flaky.

00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,454

Ha!

00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,333

That's true, I am flaky.

00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,421

So, what, you're just okay

with being flaky?

00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,298

Yeah, totally.

00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,676

Then I'm okay

with being high maintenance.

00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,805

Yeah. And I am okay

with being a pushover.

00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,390

That's great. Good for you guys.

00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,811

- I am not high maintenance!

- I am not a pushover!

00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,564

- Who said you were?

BOTH: You did!

00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,150

I'm flaky. I'll say anything.

00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,616

JOEY:

Hey, Gunther.

00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:49,244

Can you cover for me?

I got an audition.

00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,996

No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed.

00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,708

Really? I like your natural color.

00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:01,714

It's a great part. Check it out.

I'm the lead guy's best friend.

00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,300

I wait for him in this bar and save his seat.

Listen.

00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,637

"I'm sorry, that seat's saved."

00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:13,852

- That's the whole part?

- Okay, maybe he's not his best friend, but...

00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,354

Okay, I'll see you in an hour.

00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,273

Oh, man.

00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:22,277

I could totally get that part.

"I'm sorry, this seat is taken."

00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,822

- Excuse me.

- No, I didn't mean you.

00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,323

But you believed me, huh?

00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,411

I believed you were saving this seat

for someone.

00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,746

So you'd hire me, right?

00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,624

For what?

00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,878

Exactly!

All right, everybody listen up!

00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,881

The coffeehouse will be closed

for about an hour.

00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,258

CUSTOMERS:

What?

00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,093

It's for the kids.

00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:50,096

Yeah, to keep the kids off drugs.

00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,933

Yeah. It's a very important issue

in this month's Playboy.

00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,019

I'm sure you all read about it.

00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,740

- It's my joke.

- It's my joke.

00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,786

BOTH:

It's my joke.

00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,624

I don't think we're gonna settle this.

00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,501

- No. Let's have Monica decide.

- Yeah.

00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,795

- Hey, Mon!

- Mon, get out here!

00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,006

ROSS: Monica?

CHANDLER: Okay.

00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,550

You have to help us decide

whose joke this is.

00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,801

Why do I have to?

00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,179

- You're the only one that can be fair.

- Yeah.

00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,306

I can't be. You're my boyfriend.

00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,642

But I'm your brother. We're family.

00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:39,687

That's the most important thing

in the world.

00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:43,441

Don't try to sway her.

00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:46,694

I'm your only chance to have a baby.

00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,033

- Okay, let's go.

- All right.

00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:55,870

We'll each tell you

how we came up with the joke...

00:15:56,121 --> 00:16:00,083

...then you decide which one of us

is telling the truth. Me.

00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,043

Chandler, you go first.

00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,672

I thought of the joke two months ago

at lunch with Steve.

00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,424

- Did I meet him at Christmas?

- Can I finish my story?

00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,134

Do you want me to pick you?

00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:14,639

See, I would never

snap at you like that.

00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,060

[MOUTHING]

Two babies.

00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,232

- Continue.

CHANDLER: Okay.

00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:29,153

Steve said he had to go to the doctor.

And his doctor's name is Dr. Mompey.

00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:34,450

I said, "Dr. Monkey?" And that is how

the whole Dr. Monkey thing came up.

00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,415

Are you kidding?

00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,543

Okay, look, I study evolution.

00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,211

Remember? Evolution.

00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,005

Monkey into man.

00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,923

Plus, I'm a doctor. And...

00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,176

...I had a monkey.

00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,264

I'm Dr. Monkey!

00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,352

- I'm not arguing with that.

MONICA: All right.

00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,730

I've heard enough. I've made my decision.

00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,565

CHANDLER: Oh!

ROSS: Okay, so what...? Do tell.

00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,984

You are both idiots.

00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:12,238

The joke is not funny,

and it's offensive to women.

00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,615

And doctors. And monkeys.

00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,161

You shouldn't argue

over who gets credit.

00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:23,249

You should be arguing over who gets blamed

for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world.

00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,917

Now, let it go.

00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,003

The joke sucks.

00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,924

[DOOR SLAMS]

00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,761

- It's your joke.

- It is not.

00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,226

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:53,696

- Oh, my God, Chandler, there you are.

- Hi.

00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,449

Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel.

00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,076

Why don't you tell them...

00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:01,829

...what you were telling me earlier about me

not being high maintenance.

00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:08,503

Monica is a self-sufficient,

together lady.

00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,257

Being with her

has been like being on a vacation.

00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,554

And what may be perceived

as high maintenance...

00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,432

...is merely attention to detail...

00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,975

...and...

00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,437

...generosity of spirit.

00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:33,027

Wow. You know what? That is the best

fake speech I think I've ever heard.

00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,987

Really? I've heard better.

00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:39,117

Wait, he came up with that himself.

Tell them, Chandler.

00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,411

I'm out of words.

Should I say it again?

00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,622

Look, I am not high maintenance!

00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,707

I am not. Chandler!

00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,753

You're high maintenance.

00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:51,963

[GASPS]

00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,881

You are on my list!

00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,426

Look, I'm sorry, but you're not...

00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,471

You're not easygoing,

but you're passionate.

00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:01,973

And that's good.

00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:06,102

And when you get upset about little

things, I think I'm pretty good...

00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,187

...at making you feel better about that.

00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:11,357

That's good too.

They say you're high maintenance...

00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,193

...but it's okay, because I like...

00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,947

...maintaining you.

00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,583

I didn't even tell him to say that.

00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,960

MONICA: Aw.

CHANDLER: Okay.

00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,630

- All right, you're off my list.

- I'm off the list.

00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,299

Phoebe?

00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,678

It's okay that you don't want me

to be your girlfriend.

00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,638

Because I have the best boyfriend.

00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,560

You know,

suddenly I find you very attractive.

00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,273

CHANDLER:

How'd the audition go?

00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:53,900

Oh, not good. No.

00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:57,820

I didn't get the part.

And I lost my job here, so...

00:19:58,071 --> 00:19:59,947

Wow, that is a bad audition.

00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:04,660

Well, how did you lose your job here?

00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,162

I had the audition...

00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:10,041

...but Gunther said I had to stay

so he could get his hair dyed.

00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,418

So I went anyway, and he fired me.

00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:15,504

He left work in the middle of the day

to do a personal errand...

00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:19,091

...and left you in charge

when you've been here two days?

00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,635

That's not right.

00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:23,012

What are you gonna do?

00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,932

Joey, you can't let him get away with that.

00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:29,310

I won't let him get away with that.

I'm gonna say something to him...

00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:32,855

I really shouldn't say anything.

No, I should say something to him!

00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:39,278

Gunther?

I want you to give Joey his job back.

00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:43,699

- That is really not fair that you have to fire him...

- Okay.

00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,372

- What?

- He can have his job back.

00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:53,834

That's right,

he can have his job back.

00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,838

Glad we got that all straightened out.

00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,466

RACHEL:

There you go, Joey.

00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:04,136

- Got your job back.

- That's great. Thanks, Rach.

00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,223

Pretty nice, huh?

Now who's a pushover?

00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:10,142

- Rach, you're in my seat.

- I'm sorry.

00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:19,485

Hey, I never got to hear who you'd pick

to be your girlfriend.

00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:23,114

- I'd pick you, Phoebe.

- Yeah, definitely you, Pheebs.

00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:24,907

Yeah, I kind of thought.

00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,289

MONICA [MOUTHING]: Never.

- It would totally be you.

00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:33,332

Hey.

00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:36,877

A question: If you had to pick one

of the other two to go out with...

00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,587

...who would you pick?

00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,214

- No way.

- I'm not answering.

00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:41,966

Joey.

00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:47,471

No way, I'm not answering that.

00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:54,520

[English - US - SDH]