Эпизод, в котором Чендлер не может плакать

00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,971

Oh, wait, I don't have to lie to you,

you don't live here anymore.

00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,640

I'm eating their food.

What are you doing?

00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,226

Ross is on a date with my sister.

00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,645

They shut the drapes

two and a half hours ago.

00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:24,690

Whoa, I didn't know

we could date your sister.

00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,237

Joey, we know you steal our food.

00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,115

I'm good.

00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,159

MONICA:

Oh, are the drapes still closed?

00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:38,996

Yeah. Who should've shut their drapes

is that perverted couple two doors over.

00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,707

- Is that a swing?

- Oh, don't even ask.

00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,375

Yuck.

00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,047

I can't believe Ross is going out

with Rachel's sister.

00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:51,925

When Chandler made out with my sister,

I was mad at him for 10 years.

00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:55,095

- That was like five years ago.

- Yeah, you got five years left.

00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,306

- Joey...

- You wanna make it six?

00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,017

Oh, Ross, hey. Hi, how are you?

There you are.

00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,602

Hey.

00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,396

RACHEL:

Can I get a cup of coffee?

00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:50,359

So how was your big date last night?

00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:53,987

Uh, it was okay. Yeah, it was fun.

00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,197

- It was fun?

ROSS: Yeah.

00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,740

Great.

00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,745

So, uh... So did you guys hit it off?

00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:06,834

- I guess so.

- So, uh... So did anything happen?

00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,920

Because rumor has it

you guys shut the drapes. Heh.

00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,006

No, no, nothing happened.

00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,635

I shut the drapes to show her slides

of my favorite fossils.

00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,474

Oh, slides. Ha, ha.

00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,060

So really nothing happened.

00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:29,565

Something could've happened, all right?

She really dug my slides.

00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:33,819

RACHEL: Mm.

- And she was definitely giving me the vibe.

00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:38,615

Was it the "Please don't show me

another picture of a trilobite" vibe?

00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,076

Anyway...

00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,329

If she wasn't into me,

why would she ask me out again?

00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,040

- She asked you out again?

- Yeah, uh-huh.

00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,250

[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,459

- Tomorrow night.

- Hmm.

00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:53,422

ROSS: Valentine's Day.

The most romantic day of the year.

00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,549

Who knows what could happen?

00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:59,178

I might not be shutting my drapes

to show her my slides, if you know what...

00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,054

Okay, okay, okay, I got it, I got it.

00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,724

I can't...

I can't go with the you-and-my-sister thing.

00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,351

I just can't. It's just too weird, all right?

00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,687

I imagine the two of you together,

I freak out.

00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,774

- It just freaks me out, and I can't do it.

ROSS: Okay, okay, okay. No... Yes. It's okay.

00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,153

It's okay.

00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,365

Hey, it's too weird for you.

I won't see her again.

00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,118

- Thank you. I... Yeah.

- I mean, after tomorrow night.

00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,288

No, no, no. Please, Ross. I can't do it.

It's gonna freak me out.

00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,415

ROSS:

Okay, okay, okay.

00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:33,754

Okay. I'll tell her tonight

I can't see her anymore.

00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,964

Ross, thanks.

00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:41,929

- You want me to call her right now?

- Oh, no. No, no, no.

00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:44,806

I mean, come on, that's craz...

I mean, that's crazy.

00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,645

So, what's going on with you?

What is going on with you?

00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,147

Well, um... Oh.

00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:56,151

- I may teach another class this semester.

- Yeah, do it now. Call her right now.

00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,657

[MONICA SOBS]

00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,575

- This is my favorite part.

- Yeah, me too.

00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,581

Oh, you know what's sadder than this?

Bambi.

00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:13,126

I cried for three days with that movie.

No, wait, two.

00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:17,589

Because on the third day, my mother killed

herself, so I was partly crying for that.

00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:23,595

Well, see, now, that I can see crying over,

but Bambi is a cartoon.

00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,555

You didn't cry

when Bambi's mother died?

00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:29,893

Yes, it was very sad

when the guy stopped drawing the deer.

00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,816

There's nothing wrong with crying.

You don't have to be so macho all the time.

00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,818

I'm not macho.

00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,903

Yeah, you're right.

00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,698

I don't know what I was thinking.

00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:46,785

I guess I just never really cried, you know?

I'm not a crying kind of guy.

00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,955

Come on, man, there's gotta be something

that gets you choked up.

00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,957

Like, uh...

00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,501

What if you saw a three-legged puppy?

00:04:56,045 --> 00:05:00,090

I'd be sad, sure, but I wouldn't cry.

00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:04,136

Okay, what if the puppy said,

"Help me, Chandler.

00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,724

All the other puppies pick on me."

00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,978

Cry? I just found a talking puppy.

I'm rich.

00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:19,609

Oh. I've got it. I have got it.

Pictures from your childhood.

00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:22,279

This will get you going good.

00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:27,242

- All right, what's going on there?

- Oh, that's Parents' Day, first grade.

00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:31,330

That's me with the janitor, Martin.

00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:34,333

- Where are your parents?

- Oh, they didn't wanna come.

00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,418

- Oh, Chandler.

MONICA: You poor thing.

00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,670

So that story doesn't make you cry?

00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:42,174

No. Look, I don't cry.

It's not a big deal, okay?

00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:46,678

No. It's not okay. It's not okay at all.

00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,264

You're dead inside.

00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,562

- Excuse me.

PHOEBE: Yeah?

00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,981

- Are you Phoebe Buffay?

- Yeah.

00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,693

Can I get your autograph?

I'm your biggest fan.

00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:05,655

Oh, you're my biggest fan?

I've always wanted to meet you. Hi. Ha, ha.

00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,741

- Sure, yeah.

- Wow.

00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,201

Wow, thanks a lot.

00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,496

I just wanna say

I think you're really talented.

00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,332

You're just saying that

because you're my biggest fan.

00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:19,795

Joey, listen, take good care of that guy.

He's a fan.

00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,882

Bye.

00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:29,304

So you saw me

on Days of Our Lives, huh?

00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:33,642

You want me to do a little

Dr. Drake Ramoray for you?

00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:39,481

I have no idea what you're talking about.

00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,275

But I just got Phoebe Buffay's autograph.

00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:47,572

- Oh. You're Phoebe's fan.

- Oh, yeah. I've seen all her movies.

00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:53,495

- Movies?

- That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.

00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,750

[CHUCKLES]

00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,211

- I don't think so.

- No, no, it was.

00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,756

She was in Sex Toy Story 2...

00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,008

...Lawrence of a Labia.

00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,637

And I got her autograph.

00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,640

The guys at the comic-book store

aren't gonna believe this.

00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,270

Gunther.

00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:22,524

Hey, don't let that guy in here anymore.

He just said Phoebe's a porn star.

00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:27,279

Well, I wouldn't call her a star,

but she's really good.

00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,240

You should check out

Inspect Her Gadget.

00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:36,746

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,748

You'll never believe what just happened.

00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:41,334

Ross totally blew me off

and didn't even tell me why.

00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,296

Oh, well. You know what, honey?

00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,091

The best thing to do to get over a guy

is to start dating someone else.

00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:52,596

Oh. Oh, there is this great guy

you will just love at work named Bob.

00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:55,807

He's a real up-and-comer

in Human Resources.

00:07:56,601 --> 00:08:00,604

Thanks, but I'm not gonna date

some random guy from your work.

00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:03,064

Not random. Bob.

00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:07,986

It's probably because

I'm not mature enough or smart enough.

00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,946

Maybe he doesn't like the way I dress.

00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:14,242

Pfft. No, that can't be it.

It's really gotta be the smart thing. Ugh.

00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,328

I'm so stupid.

00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,748

I'm just this, like, incredibly pretty,

stupid girl.

00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:22,042

No, honey.

00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,461

Okay.

00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:28,173

Okay. You wanna know why Ross

canceled the date?

00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,175

Because I asked him to.

00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,677

- You asked him to?

RACHEL: Mm-hm.

00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,555

- Why?

- Because you are my sister...

00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,433

...and Ross and I have this huge history.

00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,436

- You wanna go out with Ross?

- No.

00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,648

You don't want him,

but you don't want me to have him?

00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,609

- You know, Bob in Human Resources...

- Ugh.

00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,029

I cannot believe you did this to me.

You had me doubting how smart I was.

00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,239

[GASPS]

00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,824

You had me doubting my fashion sense.

00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,327

This is not that big a deal.

Just don't date Ross.

00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:01,706

- There's a million other guys out there.

- You have no right to tell me what to do.

00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:05,627

I'm not telling you what to do.

I am telling you what not to do.

00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:10,840

- Why are you always so jealous of me?

- This is not about me being jealous of you.

00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:14,177

This is about you being a brat,

wanting what you can't have.

00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,720

Can't have?

00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,974

Excuse me,

the only thing I can't have is dairy.

00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,437

RACHEL: All right, all right.

You just blew your chances at dating Bob.

00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:26,565

- Who?

- In Human Resources!

00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,277

I am jealous of her?

00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,863

I mean, who does she think she is,

Princess Caroline?

00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:38,159

- You're jealous of Princess Caroline?

- Do I have my own castle?

00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,706

Hey. Phoebe's not here, is she?

00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,417

- No.

- Oh, great, did you get a movie?

00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,048

Uh...

00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,425

Yeah. Yeah.

00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:57,053

But, uh, I don't think it's the kind

you're gonna like.

00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:02,642

You didn't get more that are gonna have us

reaching for the tissues all night, did you?

00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,317

Sort of.

00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,611

Guys, what's going on?

00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:13,903

[JOEY SIGHS]

00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:17,324

Phoebe's a porn star.

00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:18,867

RACHEL & CHANDLER: What?

JOEY: Yeah.

00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,453

RACHEL: What are you talking about?

- Where?

00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:26,207

"Phoebe Buffay in

Buffay the Vampire Layer."

00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:30,670

- Oh, my God. Ha, ha.

- That's Phoebe. Where did you get that?

00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,214

Down at the adult video place

on Bleecker.

00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:38,136

And I saw Joey was about to go in,

so I ran in ahead of him...

00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,388

...to surprise him.

00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:46,227

And then... Ha, ha. Then I pretended

that I didn't know he was in there.

00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,442

Wow. I mean, I just can't...

I can't believe this.

00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,986

You know?

I mean, you think you know someone.

00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,530

Even Phoebe, who's always been

somewhat of a question mark.

00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,199

Hmm.

00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,910

This is so bizarre.

00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,580

I guess it kind of makes sense, though.

She had such a terrible childhood.

00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,958

Hey, I had a terrible childhood

and I don't do porn.

00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,294

- Yes, but you're dead inside.

- Ah.

00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:15,340

- All right, well, I'd better take that back.

- What? Why? Why?

00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,676

We can't watch that.

I mean, that's Phoebe.

00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:23,181

- You're right. We shouldn't watch this.

- Absolutely not. That goes back.

00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,726

- But, you know, maybe a little bit.

- How about just the first half?

00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,896

Hey, no, this is wrong, you guys.

Phoebe's our friend.

00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:32,524

- I'm not gonna watch it.

- Yeah.

00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,359

- Good for you, Joe.

- Yeah.

00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,533

[SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,584

Ah. I thought I'd find you here,

Nosferatool.

00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:57,132

Buffay, are you going to plunge your stake

into my dark places?

00:11:57,299 --> 00:12:01,302

Actually, I was kind of hoping

it would be the other way around.

00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:09,018

- Hold on, what is that on her ankle?

- Her ankle is what you're watching?

00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,647

- Well, it's hard to tell.

PHOEBE [ON TV]: Ooh.

00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,483

Oh, God, if she would just stop moving.

00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,153

She's just doing her job.

00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:21,030

You sick bastards.

00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:26,119

Oh. It's a tattoo.

That's weird. Phoebe doesn't...

00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:30,165

Wait, that's Ursula.

That's not Phoebe. That is Ursula.

00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:34,544

Wait, wait. I can watch that.

Rewind it. Rewind it.

00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,088

- Hey.

URSULA [ON TV]: Oh.

00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:40,008

What's up? Oh, my God.

What am I doing?!

00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,020

- Hey, sweetie.

- Hey.

00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,526

Chicken Soup for the Soul?

00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,696

There's no back to this couch.

00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:06,034

Why are you reading this?

You hate this kind of stuff.

00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,786

I figured I'd give it a shot.

00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,996

Maybe one of those stories

would make me cry.

00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,582

Then you wouldn't think

I was all dead inside.

00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:15,502

Aw, that's so sweet.

00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,046

Chandler, I don't care if you can't cry.

I love you.

00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:22,300

Oh, that makes me feel so warm

in my hollow tin chest.

00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,929

- Stop it.

- I mean, come on, seriously. Think about it.

00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:29,516

We get married, I'm up at the altar,

and I'm like this:

00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,602

I won't care.

00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,980

Because I know that you'll be feeling it

all in here.

00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,149

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,443

And if we have a baby one day...

00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,613

...and the doctor hands it to you

in the delivery room...

00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,324

...and you don't cry, so what?

00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:50,286

And if we take him to college

and we come home...

00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:53,790

...and we see his empty room

for the first time...

00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,292

...and you got nothing?

00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,712

Won't matter to me.

00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,674

Okay.

00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:06,010

Well, I won't worry

about this anymore, then.

00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,471

Yeah. And, you know, if I die...

00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,433

...from a long illness...

00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,644

...and you're writing out my eulogy...

00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,481

...and you open the desk drawer

and find a note from me that says:

00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:21,860

"I will always be with you"...

00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:26,739

...and you still can't shed one tiny tear...

00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:29,659

...I know you'll be crying a river inside.

00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:34,455

- Aw, I love you, sweet...

- What is wrong with you?

00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,541

- What?

- What?

00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,127

You can't shed a tear for your dead wife?

00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,880

I mean, I left you a note from the beyond.

00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,049

- So you didn't mean any of that?

- No, you robot!

00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,179

[DOORBELL RINGING]

00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:55,476

You damn kids.

You ring my bell one more time, I swear to...

00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:58,688

Oh, uh, Jill. Um...

00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,733

That's just a little game I play

with the kids down the hall.

00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,653

They've really taken a liking to me.

00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,157

What's the matter?

00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:12,577

Rachel and I had a really big fight.

Can I come in?

00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:16,080

I know we're not supposed to see

each other anymore. I'm okay with that.

00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,792

I don't know anybody in the city,

and I need somebody to talk to about it.

00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,754

- Oh, of course. What happened?

- I don't wanna talk about it.

00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,551

Okay. Um...

00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,639

- But you know what might cheer me up?

- What?

00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,683

Seeing some more

of your super-cool slides.

00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,937

- Wow, really?

- Totally. I loved them.

00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:43,316

And maybe you could finish telling me

about all the different kinds of sand.

00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:50,114

I'd love to. You wait right here.

I'll go get the projector and my notes.

00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,617

Oh, great. Thanks, Ross.

You're such a good friend.

00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,202

Oh.

00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,918

Hey. Have you guys seen Jill?

I can't find her anywhere.

00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,503

- No, I haven't.

- Is Ross home?

00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,631

Maybe I'll just call him

and see if he's actually seen her.

00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,342

[GASPS]

00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:16,599

URSULA:

Who is it?

00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,353

It's Phoebe, "Phoebe."

00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,315

- Hey.

- Oh, God.

00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:30,446

- So you're making porn movies.

- No, I'm not.

00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,865

MAN:

We're still rolling.

00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,784

You're making one right now.

00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:38,913

MAN: Let's go, Phoebe.

- And you're using my name.

00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,040

Yeah, can I help you with something?

00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:43,418

MAN:

Phoebe, come on.

00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:47,755

Look, I'm talking right now.

You're... You mean her. Oh.

00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:51,342

You know,

twin stuff is always a real big seller.

00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,052

What?

00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:57,765

Yeah. I could talk them into giving you

like $30.

00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,020

No. No way. No.

00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,440

And stop using my name.

And shame on you.

00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:08,276

And shame on all of you.

You're disgusting.

00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,611

Especially you, with that.

00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,701

Slides are almost ready.

00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:20,788

Yeah. Ooh, I know what this is missing.

00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,623

Alcohol.

00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:27,545

- Okay, well, there's wine in the kitchen.

- Oh, great.

00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,881

[PHONE RINGING]

00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:32,633

Hello?

00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:37,180

What is my sister doing there,

and why are the drapes shut?

00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,434

Okay. Rach, calm down, okay?

00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,604

She's really upset. We're just talking.

00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:48,232

I think she's trying to make something

happen with you to get back at me.

00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,235

Oh, so that's the only reason

she could be here, huh?

00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,781

It couldn't have anything to do

with the fact that I'm a good listener...

00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:58,201

...and I put on a great slide show?

00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:06,000

Ross, I am telling you,

she is using you to get back at me.

00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:11,005

You know, I think I can take care of myself.

I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.

00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,716

Whoa.

00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:18,679

Uh, that was your sister, actually.

00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,182

She thinks you're just using me. Heh.

00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,726

So?

00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,150

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:34,529

So I just came from the company

Ursula works for.

00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,323

Oh, no, not you too.

00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,368

No, no.

I went to pick up Phoebe Buffay's checks.

00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:41,702

There were a lot of them.

00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,539

- Nice.

PHOEBE: Mm-hm.

00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,208

And I won't have to

go back there anymore...

00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:50,586

...because I gave them

my "correct address."

00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:56,300

That's great, but isn't it gonna bother you

that people think you're a porn star?

00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,719

Oh, no, no. I know how to handle it.

00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,513

JOEY: Good.

- Yeah.

00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,559

You're trying to figure out

where you know me from?

00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:08,229

All right, I'll give you a hint.

From porn. Okay?

00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:13,025

Yeah, your pervert boyfriend

watched me in a porno movie!

00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:17,989

- See?

- Yeah.

00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,077

Hey.

00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:27,790

- You, uh, may have been right about Jill.

- Oh, I knew it. What happened?

00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,378

- Um, she kissed me.

- What? You kissed?

00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,131

- Maybe we should give them some privacy.

- Shh!

00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:40,178

Look, I tried not to kiss her, okay?

00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,598

It doesn't sound like it.

It's pretty easy not to kiss someone.

00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:47,185

You just don't kiss them.

See? Look at us right now, not kissing.

00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,562

Let me finish, okay?

00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:53,941

She started kissing me,

and I didn't stop it.

00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,985

I guess I just wasn't thinking.

00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:59,155

Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna give you

something to think about.

00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,781

ROSS:

Hold on.

00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:04,702

But then I started thinking

and I stopped the kissing.

00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:09,832

Oh, well, thank you for taking your tongue

out of my sister's mouth to tell me that.

00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:16,005

Look, I realized if anything were to happen

with me and Jill...

00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:19,508

...then nothing could ever happen

with us.

00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,720

- What?

- No, I mean...

00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:29,101

Look, I don't know if anything

is ever going to happen with us again, ever.

00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,188

But I don't wanna know

that it never could.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,650

So I stopped it...

00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:39,862

...and she got mad

and broke my projector.

00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:47,703

Wow.

00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,416

I don't even know what to say.

00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,839

Thank you.

00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:02,260

You're welcome.

00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,012

[CHANDLER SOBBING]

00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,851

Oh, my God, are you crying?

00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:14,480

I just don't see why those two

can't work things out.

00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,989

All right, I'm leaving.

I'm not gonna spend one more day...

00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:25,658

...with someone

who's out to sabotage my every move.

00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,076

That's you, Rachel.

00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:29,328

Yeah, I got that.

00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,082

And you.

I throw myself at you, and you say no?

00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,458

How gay are you?

00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:42,008

You take care, Jill.

00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:45,052

- Okay, see you.

- Bye-bye.

00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,764

[CRYING]

I can't believe Jill's gone.

00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:51,517

[SOBBING]

00:21:51,685 --> 00:21:53,436

I can't help it. I opened a gate.

00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:59,942

[English - US - SDH]