Эпизод, в котором Росс назначает свидание студентке

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I just got my teacher evaluations.

Check out what this one student wrote.

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"I loved Dr. Geller's class.

Mind-blowing lectures.

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Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie

of the Paleontology Department."

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Ah, "Hotties of

the Paleontology Department."

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There's a big-selling calendar, huh?

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Who wrote it?

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I wish I knew,

but the evaluations are all anonymous.

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- Do you still have their final exams?

- Yeah.

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Match the evaluation to the exam with the

same handwriting and there's your admirer.

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A hot girl's at stake

and all of a sudden he's Rain Man.

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Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Why are we so sure that this is a girl?

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It's a girl.

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Anyway, it wouldn't matter, okay?

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- Because I'm a teacher. She's a student.

CHANDLER: Oh, is that against the rules?

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- No, but it is frowned upon.

- I see.

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- Besides, there's a big age difference.

- Think of it like this. When you're 90...

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I know, when I'm 90, she'll be 80...

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...and it won't seem

like such a big difference.

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No, that's not what I was gonna say

at all.

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What I was gonna say is

when you're 90...

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...you'll still have the memory

of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.

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Chandler, you know that girl you went to

college with who became a movie director?

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Oh, yeah, Dana Keystone.

She was in my movement class.

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What's a movement class?

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It's Chandler's way

of pretending he didn't take mime.

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Listen, anyway,

she's directing the new Al Pacino movie.

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- You gotta get me an audition.

- Oh. I haven't talked to her in like 10 years.

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Oh, no, no, no. Please, Chandler,

I would owe you so much.

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You do owe me so much.

You owe me 3400...

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Hey, hey, dude.

Why you changing the subject? What?

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- Will you make the call or what?

- Okay, I'll try.

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JOEY:

All right. Thanks, you're the best.

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The last day of auditions is Thursday,

so I gotta get in by Thursday.

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Just remember Thursday. Thursday.

Can you remember Thursday?

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Yeah, so Tuesday?

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Thursday. Look, if you need help

remembering, just think of it like this.

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The third day. All right?

Monday, one day.

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Tuesday, two day.

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Wednesday, when, huh, what day?

Thursday.

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The third day, okay?

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- Thank you.

- Okay.

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- Hey, Mon, I'm gonna check my messages.

- You just thought of that in there?

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Sure, you know, nature called.

She wants to see who else did.

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Hello?

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Uh...

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Rachel.

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You guys, someone is in our apartment.

Call the cops.

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You're on the phone.

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- Oh, my God.

- What?

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Oh, my God. Thank you.

That was the Fire Department.

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- There was a fire at our place.

- Oh, my God. How bad was it?

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He didn't say, but it was a fire.

I'm guessing not very good.

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- Come on, we gotta go.

- Phoebe, come on.

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What are you smiling about?

What is so funny?

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The part I wanna audition for is a fireman.

This is so meant to be.

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Wow. Looks like you were very generous

with your grades this semester.

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- Professor Geller?

- Yeah? Huh?

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I wanted to say

how much I enjoyed your class.

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Oh, thank you. Thanks very much. Ow.

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I'm a little embarrassed about calling you

a hottie on my evaluation.

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- That was you?

ELIZABETH: Yeah.

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I felt a little weird about it.

You're a teacher. I'm a student.

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But would you maybe wanna go out

with me sometime?

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Oh, I... Heh.

I don't think that would be the best idea.

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Oh, because I was thinking, um,

the semester's over.

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- You're not my teacher anymore.

- What time?

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Oh, you know what? Forget it.

I see you already gave me an A.

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- Gotcha.

- I'm kidding. Ha-ha-ha.

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- Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

- Ha-ha-ha.

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So seriously, what time?

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Coming through. Oh.

Coming through. Oh. Hello. Hi.

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No, right. Coming through.

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- Oh.

- Okay. Well, it's not so bad.

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Most of the damage

was contained to the bedrooms.

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RACHEL:

Oh, my God.

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Hey, buddy, you think I could borrow

your uniform this Thursday?

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- Excuse me?

- Joey. He's working.

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You would look good in that.

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- Uh-oh. How bad is it?

- Oh, it's bad, it's really bad.

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The only thing that isn't burned is an ax,

which I do not remember buying.

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- How's your room, Rach?

- Everything's ruined.

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My bed, my clothes.

Look at my favorite blue sweater.

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Isn't that mine?

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Fine. I'm sorry for your loss.

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You're not gonna be able to live here

for a while.

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- You ladies have a place to stay?

- Oh. Wow.

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Okay, look, pal...

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...I am not in the mood

to be hit on right now.

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But if you give me your number,

I will call you some other time.

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Yes, they can stay with us.

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Have you figured out what started the fire,

Mr. Fireman?

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Well, uh, do either of you smoke?

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No, not usually.

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- But yeah, I could use one now. Thanks.

FIREMAN: No, no.

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- Do you light candles, burn incense?

- Yes, I do all the time. I love them.

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[GASPS]

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Oh, my God, I did it. It's me, it's me.

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I burned down the house.

I burned down the house!

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Okay, Phoebe, calm down.

There's no need to place blame. Okay?

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I warned her about those candles.

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It's great to catch up.

I can't believe how long it's been.

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Hey, Chandler, is that?

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- Oh, that's great. Good for you.

- So, hey, hey, is it?

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Okay, so, yeah,

maybe we can get together, um...

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Can you hold on for one second, please?

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What?

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When you're off the phone,

you wanna get a pizza?

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Hi, I'm back.

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Yeah, that sounds great.

Okay, well, we'll do it then. Okay, bye.

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[YELLS]

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Hey, listen, so when's my audition?

I know it's Thursday, but what time?

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Hi. We didn't get to the audition.

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- I'm gonna take her to coffee and do it then.

- Ah.

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Wow, so now you're going on a date

with this girl?

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Not a date.

I haven't talked to her in 10 years.

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You can't call somebody you haven't

talked to in 10 years and ask for a favor.

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There are rules, you know?

You gotta put in some time.

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You're right, I'm sorry.

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- It's not like you're going out with an ex.

- No, we only went out once.

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You dated her?

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Not once.

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Great. Why don't I just go out with an ex,

you know, and do Joey a favor?

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Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor?

Maybe you go out with Joey.

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[YELLS]

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Oh. That's great.

My friend Joey's in the movie business.

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Mm. You know who I ran into from school?

Howie.

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- Hmm. My friend's name is Joey.

DANA: Heh.

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Apparently, Howie's editing now.

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Yeah, he calls me up

and asks me if he can edit my new movie.

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Heh. Can you believe that?

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You know,

I haven't spoken to him in, what, 10 years...

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...and he asks me for a favor?

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Yeah, I've always hated that Howie.

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No "How you doing?" Heh.

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Man, I mean,

not even a cup of coffee first.

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- Heh. The nerve, huh?

DANA: Yeah.

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Refill?

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Now, this is last-minute,

so I want to apologize for the mess.

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- Oh.

PHOEBE: Who cares?

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Oh, my God.

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It sure didn't look this way

when I lived here.

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I know.

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There's one problem, though.

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There's only room for one, so I guess

one of you will have to stay at Joey's.

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Well, since the fire was kind of my fault,

I guess you should get to stay here.

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Hey, hey, hey, now.

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This was no one's fault, Pheebs, okay?

It was an accident.

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It was my fault.

You should get the nice room.

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Okay. Whoo!

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So, Rach,

you're the first guest at Hotel Monica.

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Hotel Monica.

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MONICA:

Just tell me how you like your eggs.

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I thought I'd bring them to you,

you know, in bed.

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RACHEL: Aw.

- You've been through so much.

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I have.

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This right here is where I keep the pizza.

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And that's where the napkin is.

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- What's that smell?

- I know. I don't...

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Oh, please, it was such a big class.

You never even noticed me.

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What? Of course I did.

You sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.

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Who?

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Oh. I had trouble

remembering everyone's names...

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...so I came up with nicknames.

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Like the guy on the other side of you

was Smelly von Brown-Shirt.

00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,524

Oh, yeah. Ha, ha.

00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:14,321

- So, um, did you have a nickname for me?

- Uh, no. No.

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Yes, you did. What was it?

00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,200

Um, it's...

00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:20,869

Cutie McPretty.

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Oh, that's so sweet.

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Listen, I gotta tell you,

I'm having a great time.

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You know how you said it might be weird,

the whole student-teacher thing?

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And to be frank, I thought it would be too.

But it's not. I mean, it's not at all.

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- Dr. Geller.

- Burt.

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So did you sleep well last night?

00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,482

RACHEL: I did.

- Yeah?

00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,985

I did. Monica was so sweet.

She left a little mint on my pillow.

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- Know what Joey left on my pillow?

RACHEL: What?

00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,864

Gum.

00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:04,287

- Well, we determined the cause of the fire.

- Yeah, I know. It was my candle, my candle.

00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,207

No, there was an appliance left on

in the bathroom.

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It looks like a curling iron.

00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,544

- I don't use a curling iron.

- Well, someone does.

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Don't look at me, my hair's straight.

Straight, straight, straight.

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- It could've been a hair-straightener.

- Oh.

00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,099

This is where I keep the pizza.

00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,143

And... Hey, where'd the napkin go?

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There you go. I wouldn't want

my best guest to strain her eyes.

00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,865

Thanks, Monica.

00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,702

- Does that smell bother you?

- What, the smell from Joey's?

00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,745

No, I can hardly smell it over here.

00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,917

Well, you let me know if you can.

Because I can bake a pie to cover it.

00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,921

- I can smell it a little. Bake the pie.

- Okay.

00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,549

[PHONE RINGS]

00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,427

Hello?

00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:03,471

Oh, yes, one minute, please.

It's for you. It's the fire inspector.

00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:07,642

Oh. Hello? Yeah, this is Phoebe.

00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:08,852

Really?

00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:12,814

[IMITATING INSPECTOR] Yeah, so it turns

out that it wasn't the hair-straightener...

00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,899

...that started the fire.

00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,402

No, no. It was the candles.

00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,072

Yeah. It's very not good

leaving candles unattended.

00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:25,910

In fact, one of the first things

they teach you in fire school is...

00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,412

Uh...

00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,417

Uh, okay, well, I have to go now.

00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,383

We had such a great time.

She's incredible.

00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,553

I thought the age difference

might be a problem, but it wasn't.

00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,931

It wasn't at all.

Elizabeth is very mature for her age.

00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,689

A concept lost on some people.

00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,524

So it's okay to date a student?

00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:57,859

Well, not really.

00:12:58,027 --> 00:13:00,779

I mean, technically,

it's not against the rules or anything.

00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:02,197

But it is frowned upon...

00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,866

...especially by that professor

we ran into last night.

00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,951

Judgy von Holier-Than-Thou.

00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,080

Just be careful, okay?

00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:15,001

You don't wanna get a reputation

as Professor McNails-His-Students. Ha, ha.

00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:21,382

- Yeah. What should I do?

- Well, Ross, it seems pretty clear.

00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:25,094

I mean, what's more important,

what people think or how you feel? Huh?

00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:28,515

- Ross, you gotta follow your heart.

- Joey, that is so sweet.

00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:36,314

- Hey.

- Hey, hey. So how'd it go with Dana?

00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:40,235

Any reason I should leave a block

of time open, say, Thursday?

00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,821

- I couldn't do it.

- You couldn't do it?

00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:45,448

Relax, I just need more time.

We're going to dinner.

00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,492

What? You're going out with her again?

00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:52,413

- Going out with who?

- Dana Keystone, from college.

00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,708

Oh, yeah. Wasn't she, uh, mm?

00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,461

No, that was Dana Kaplan.

00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,548

CHANDLER & ROSS: Oh.

JOEY: Ah.

00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:04,300

- Joey, you didn't even know her.

- Yeah, whatever.

00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,390

Great story again.

00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,433

The yarns that you weave.

00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,019

Ha-ha-ha. Woo-hoo!

00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:18,523

You know, uh, actually,

I should get going.

00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,859

Oh, no, no, no, stay, stay,

because you should...

00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,777

You should stay.

00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,613

Wow.

00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:28,616

Oh, I am really flattered.

00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:33,204

But I just...

I don't feel that way about you.

00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:37,333

- Oh, no, no, no. That's not... No, no, no.

DANA: I'm sorry, Chandler.

00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:42,130

You know, you are such a sweet guy,

and I don't wanna hurt you.

00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:45,508

Oh, I wish there were something I could do

to make you feel better.

00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,177

No, no, no... Really?

00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,596

Of course.

00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:53,433

Well, it just hurts so bad, I, uh...

00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,852

Oh, I'm sorry.

00:14:56,020 --> 00:15:00,398

- Well, maybe there is one thing you can do.

- What? Anything. Anything.

00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:05,069

Well, I mean, this is just off the top

of my head now. Um...

00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:08,448

Ahem. But I have this friend, uh,

this actor friend...

00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:12,535

...and he would kill me

if he knew that I was doing this, um...

00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:18,207

...but, um, would it be possible for him

to get an audition for your movie...

00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,376

...say, on Thursday?

00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,921

Absolutely.

00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:27,175

But you'd really feel better

about me rejecting you...

00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,510

...if your friend can audition

for my movie?

00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:32,847

Well, the heart wants what it wants.

I'll see you later.

00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,648

Hey. How's it going?

00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,858

Well, not much has changed

in the last five minutes.

00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,568

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,278

Yes, it has. I made cookies.

00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:50,448

That's all right. I'm still full

from your homemade potato chips, so...

00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:54,994

Oh. But you should eat them now

because they're hot from the oven.

00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:56,371

[MONICA CHUCKLES]

00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:59,040

- Okay.

- Oh. But not in here.

00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,876

Can't eat them in bed, remember?

No crummies.

00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,211

Oh.

00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,296

[THROUGH GRITTED TEETH]

I'll be out in a second.

00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,923

Okay.

00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,725

- What are you doing?

- This doesn't lock, does it?

00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:28,403

- Oh. Joey, sorry. Oh.

- Oh, it's all right, don't worry about it.

00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,072

No, but look.

Oh, that's gonna leave a stain.

00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,284

Rach, hey, it's fine. You're at Joey's.

00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,413

- Really?

- Yeah, look.

00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,501

- Huh.

- Yeah.

00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:47,296

- I've never lived like this before.

- I know.

00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,758

Whoo! Ha-ha-ha.

00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:53,803

All right, well, don't waste it.

I mean, it's still food.

00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,854

What do you wanna do now, huh?

You wanna go get a drink?

00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,147

Uh, I can't.

00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:08,776

- Oh, you have some studying to do?

- No, I have some turning 21 to do.

00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,403

Okay. Ha, ha.

00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:13,531

You know, I remember

when I was in college, we used to...

00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,283

[ROSS MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:18,786

- What are you doing?

- Nothing, I'm just...

00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:21,873

I'm so comfortable with you.

00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:27,170

- Do you not wanna be seen with me?

- What?

00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,714

No, of course I do. Are they gone?

00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:34,093

No, they're still here.

But I think I'm about to leave.

00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:37,263

What? No, no, wait, wait.

00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:40,933

You're right, this is stupid.

Who cares what people think?

00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:45,605

I mean, we like each other, right?

There's nothing wrong with that.

00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,774

Come on.

00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:54,405

Burt. Lydia. Mel.

00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:58,117

- This is Elizabeth.

- Hi.

00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,787

Aren't you in my Popular Culture class?

00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,456

That's right, Lydia.

Elizabeth here is a student.

00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,333

And we're dating.

00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,502

And you may frown upon that...

00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:11,464

...but we're not gonna hide it anymore.

00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,134

You are so fired.

00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,554

- What?

- They're gonna fire you.

00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:21,307

You can't date a student.

It's against the rules.

00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:24,268

Really? It's not just frowned upon?

00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,773

JOEY: Oh. Ah.

RACHEL: Ah!

00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,484

I love it at Joey's.

00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:33,194

There you go.

00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,739

RACHEL: Ooh. Thanks.

- Nice.

00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,992

- So you busy Thursday?

- Oh, very funny.

00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,496

I don't know if you remember, but my

audition was supposed to be Thursday.

00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,251

You got me the audition?

00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,086

CHANDLER: Yeah.

- Oh, let's hug it up.

00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:52,713

Okay, okay, okay.

00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,383

What are you gonna do to me

if you get the part?

00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:57,468

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:58,678

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,847

- Yeah, okay, I need to talk to you.

RACHEL: Uh-huh.

00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:04,183

Now, I know that they said

that the hair-straightener started the fire...

00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,435

...but I think I'm partly at fault.

00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:12,066

You see, I didn't tell you,

but, um, I had recently refilled the tissues.

00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,069

And so, you know,

let's face it, that's just kindling.

00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,322

So I think it's better that I stay at Joey's.

00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,117

No, no, no, Phoebe, this was my fault.

00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:24,120

- Besides, you know what? I'm fine here.

PHOEBE: Okay.

00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,498

- Oh, Chandler, Monica's looking for you.

- Really?

00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,961

- Yeah, she said something about crummies.

- No, no, no. I was so careful.

00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,716

Okay. You have to switch with me.

Monica is driving me crazy.

00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:40,803

That's right.

All the ladies wanna stay at Joey's.

00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,390

No, Phoebe, come on,

I don't wanna switch.

00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:47,310

Please. Come on,

I can throw wet paper towels here.

00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:51,522

No, but at Monica's,

you can eat cookies over the sink.

00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,193

I know. I'm sorry.

00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,070

All right, fine.

00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,656

- This looks like so much fun.

RACHEL & JOEY: Ha, ha.

00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,159

PHOEBE:

God, what a mess.

00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,792

Wow, it actually is in the handbook.

00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,589

I can't date you

or have a hot plate in my office.

00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,886

Oh, I can't believe

we have to stop seeing each other.

00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:26,807

For what it's worth,

I did appreciate you standing up for me.

00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,894

That felt really nice.

00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,480

Kind of made me like you even more.

00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:36,817

I know, I know. I really like you too.

But we can't date.

00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:39,403

It's against the rules. It's forbidden.

00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:41,906

Wow.

00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,866

- What?

- Just hearing you describe it...

00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:49,247

...as forbidden, it's really hot.

00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,416

Really?

00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,418

Yeah.

00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:59,590

Well, I don't care how hot it is, it's, uh...

It's wrong.

00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,092

[ELIZABETH PANTS]

00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:05,221

- Stop it.

- No, no. It's wrong. It's...

00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,348

It's naughty.

00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,809

It's...

00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,769

...taboo.

00:21:12,479 --> 00:21:14,355

Shut the book.

00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:19,318

- Hey. Let's also get a hot plate.

- Oh.

00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,909

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,745

- So?

- So?

00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:33,165

- It's Thursday. How was the audition?

- It's Thur...?

00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,168

Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day.

Wednesday, when, huh, what day? Thur...

00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:37,378

[GASPS]

00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,214

Oh!

00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,562

[English - US - SDH]