Эпизод с ассистентом Рэйчел

00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:08,924

Cheerleaders and high explosives

don't mix.

00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,718

[JOEY LAUGHING]

00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,262

CHEESE [ON TV]:

You can say that again, Mac.

00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,015

I couldn't have done it alone.

You're a genius.

00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:21,353

Oh, yeah? Well, how come I can't get

my VCR to stop blinking 12:00?

00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,938

[BOTH LAUGHING]

00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,523

[JOEY LAUGHING]

00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,737

What did you guys think?

00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,450

[PHONE RINGS]

00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,869

CHANDLER: Hey, the phone.

MONICA: I got it. I got it.

00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,412

Hello.

00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,372

- Hold on. Joey, it's your mom.

- It's Mommy.

00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:41,915

ROSS: Aw...

PHOEBE: That's nice.

00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,001

JOEY:

Ma, so what did you think?

00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,128

Well...

00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,922

...that was, um, okay.

00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,507

It wasn't the best.

00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,218

That was one

of the worst things ever...

00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,972

...and not just on TV.

00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,892

- What should we say?

- The lighting was okay.

00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:03,228

You got lighting last time.

Lighting is mine.

00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:04,730

I have costumes.

00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,398

That means I'm stuck with:

00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:11,779

"So we were watching you in there,

and you were sitting right here. Whoa."

00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,948

- What about you?

- I don't know.

00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,494

I can't lie to him again.

Oh, no, I... No.

00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,497

I'm just gonna press

my breasts up against him.

00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,084

- And say nothing?

- Uh-huh, yeah, that's right.

00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,171

Wow, my folks really liked it.

00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,923

What did you guys think?

00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,098

It wasn't that good.

00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:25,060

Do you think that your favorite animal

says much about you?

00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,104

You mean behind my back?

00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,900

Oh, you'll never believe

what happened to me today.

00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,278

- I am sitting in my office...

JOEY: You guys!

00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,196

Guess what my agent just said?

00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,157

I'm in the middle of a story here.

00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,741

Sorry, you finish.

00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,870

I'm sitting in my office,

and guess who walks in.

00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,164

I'm gonna be on two TV shows.

00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,456

BOTH:

That's great.

00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,376

- Joey.

- You weren't finished?

00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:52,337

Yeah, "Guess who walks

into my office" is my story.

00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,008

Ralph Lauren walked into my office.

00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,928

Uh, if you're starting another story,

at least let me finish mine.

00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:02,723

It's the same story.

00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:05,767

Uh, wow, it's really long.

00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:10,189

Ralph just came in to tell me

that he's so happy with my work...

00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,650

...that he wants me to be the new

merchandising manager for Polo retail.

00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:14,860

PHOEBE:

Aw...

00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,862

- Still get a discount on wedding gowns?

- Yeah.

00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,197

I'm so happy for you.

00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,910

These really are

the days of our lives.

00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,246

- What?

- Well, since you ask, ha, ha...

00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,373

They want me back on

Days of our Lives.

00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:29,583

[PHOEBE & MONICA GASP]

00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,085

- I get a big pay raise!

- Oh, hey!

00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,838

I'll be playing Drake Ramoray's

twin brother, Stryker.

00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,548

MONICA & PHOEBE:

Ooh...

00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,217

I get to hire my own assistant.

00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,760

[SCREAM]

00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,513

Well... I got a head rush

from standing up too fast.

00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,146

You were at this job four years?

00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:55,442

- That's right.

- This is all very impressive, Hilda.

00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:59,363

Um, I just have

one last question for you, uh...

00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,448

How did I do? Was this okay?

00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,993

- What?

- I've never interviewed anyone.

00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,329

I've never had anyone work for me.

00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,874

When I was a kid we had a maid,

but this isn't the same.

00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,335

No, dear, it's not.

00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,420

And I know that.

00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,964

[BOTH LAUGH]

00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,258

Well, thank you so much for coming in.

00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,510

- Nice to meet you.

- Good meeting you.

00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,136

RACHEL:

All right.

00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,265

I'm a total pro.

00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:30,018

- Hello.

- Wow. Huh, um...

00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,523

Hi, yes, I'm sorry.

The models are down the hall.

00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,025

I'm here about the assistant job.

00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,568

Really?

00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:42,948

Okay, well, then, all right.

Well, just have a seat there.

00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,741

Um, so what's...? What your name?

00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,076

Tag Jones.

00:04:46,327 --> 00:04:48,120

Uh-huh, go on.

00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,290

That's it. That's my whole name.

00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,583

That's your whole name.

Of course.

00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,545

Okay, let's just have a look-see here.

00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,507

I haven't worked in an office before.

I don't have much experience...

00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:04,845

What are you talking about?

You got three years painting houses...

00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:09,016

...two whole summers

at T.G.I. Friday's.

00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,934

It's lame, I know.

00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:14,021

But I'm a goal-oriented person,

eager to learn...

00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,189

Just hold on a second, please.

00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:23,864

It's for Human Resources. Everybody

has to. Would you stand up?

00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,249

Ha, ha, no, no, no.

00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,595

- Hey.

- Shh, shh, shh.

00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,432

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,061

- Anyway, I should go.

- Okay. Bye.

00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,063

- Hey, sweetie.

- Hi, sweetie.

00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,357

What was with all the whispering?

00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,817

I can't tell you. It's a secret.

00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:04,821

Secret? Married people aren't

supposed to have secrets.

00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,699

We love and respect

one another too much.

00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,534

Aw...

00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,453

But still, no, ha, ha.

00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:15,749

We should tell each other everything.

I don't have secrets from you.

00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:20,462

Really? So tell me what happened

to Ross, junior year at Disneyland.

00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:21,838

No, I can't do that.

00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,298

[MONICA CHUCKLING]

00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,175

I'll tell you what Phoebe said.

00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,010

- Okay.

- Okay.

00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,596

So, ahem, Ross and I

are going to Disneyland.

00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:32,015

We stop at this restaurant for tacos.

00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:36,895

When I say restaurant, I mean a guy,

a hibachi, and the trunk of his car.

00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:39,564

So Ross has about ten tacos.

00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:44,361

Anyway, we're on Space Mountain

and Ross starts to feel a little iffy.

00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,196

Oh, my God. He threw up?

00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:49,408

No, he visited a town

a little south of throw up.

00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,035

Oh, my God!

00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,413

What was Phoebe's secret?

00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,916

Um, Nancy Thompson, from Phoebe's

old massage place, is getting fired.

00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,167

Oh.

00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,757

That's it? I gave up

my Disneyland story for that?

00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,926

Hm, that's right. You lose, sucker!

00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,889

Please still marry me.

00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,770

You have an assistant, right?

00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,063

Did she call?

00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:24,109

You told her I was sick, right?

Always tell her I am sick.

00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,696

I don't know.

How do you decide who to hire?

00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,614

I have it down to two people.

00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,909

One has great references

and a lot of experience.

00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,537

- And then, there's this guy.

- What about him?

00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:36,997

[SIGHS]

00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,415

I love him.

00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,294

He's so pretty, I want to cry.

00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,879

I don't know what to do.

00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,716

Come on, you know what to do.

You hire the first one.

00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:52,596

Don't hire assistants because they're

cute. Do it because they're qualified.

00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,598

Uh-huh.

00:07:56,017 --> 00:08:00,353

I hear you. You make a lot of sense.

Can I just say one more thing?

00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,813

Look how pretty.

00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:04,941

Let me see.

00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,944

Oh, my God.

00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,489

Oh. But, no.

00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,950

No. You can't... You can't hire him

because it's not professional.

00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,746

Um, this is for me, yes?

00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,708

Okay, you're right.

I'll hire Hilda tomorrow.

00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:24,711

Dumb, old, perfect-for-the-job Hilda.

00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,546

Let me see.

00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:30,467

Wo-ha-ow!

00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:32,761

Don't show this to Monica.

00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,388

And don't tell her

about the "Wo-ha-ow!"

00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,064

- Ha, ha, hey, Joey.

- Hey, Terry.

00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,525

- Nice to see you again.

- Been a while.

00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,569

Funny, these halls look smaller

than they used to.

00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,155

It's a different building.

00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,449

So...

00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,202

...Stryker Ramoray, huh?

00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,704

- When do I start?

- How about right now?

00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,331

Okay.

00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,042

Here are the audition scenes.

00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,215

I thought you

were offering me the part.

00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:11,550

Why?

00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:14,177

I was Doctor Drake Ramoray,

Stryker's twin brother.

00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,387

[CHUCKLES]

00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,056

Who looks more like me

than me, right?

00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,434

Everybody has to audition. Ha, ha.

00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,147

You know, Terry,

I don't really need to do this.

00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:29,067

I got my own cable TV series...

00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,528

...with a robot.

00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,448

I'm sorry, Joey.

That's the way it is.

00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,617

Well...

00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,787

...I guess you think

you're pretty special, huh?

00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:44,499

Sitting up here in your fancy,

small-halled building...

00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,587

...making stars jump

through hoops for you, huh?

00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,338

Well, you know what?

00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:55,010

This is one star whose hoop...

00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,429

This is the star the hoop...

This hoop...

00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,639

I was Doctor Drake Ramoray!

00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,858

Hi, Tag. What are you doing here?

00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,528

I came to thank you for not laughing

in my face yesterday.

00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:17,198

I noticed there were no plants

so I brought you your first.

00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,743

There is a plant in your office.

00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:21,953

Kind of.

00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,705

Right.

00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:27,042

So I guess I shouldn't put

"good at noticing stuff" on my résumé.

00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,251

Oh...

00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,629

- Thank you.

- Anyway...

00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,922

...I'm guessing you hired somebody.

00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,799

Well...

00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:36,426

Gotcha.

00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,928

Thanks again for meeting with me.

00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,057

But I hired you.

00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:46,019

- What?

- Yeah, you got the job.

00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,229

- You're my new assistant.

- I am?

00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,898

Yeah.

00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:54,361

- I can't believe it.

- Ha, ha, me either.

00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,448

First, I need you to go downstairs...

00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,451

...find a woman named Hilda,

and tell her to go home.

00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,458

- Hey.

- Hey, good, you're home.

00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,961

Always nicer to hear than,

"Oh, crap, you again."

00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,882

Hey, sweetie, I made you a surprise.

00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:17,967

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah, tacos.

00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:21,179

Ever since that story,

I've had such a craving.

00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,308

Did you not understand the story?

00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,229

- Hey.

- Hey, what's up?

00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,816

Ah, nothing. Just figuring out

what to do for dinner.

00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,612

Hey, ooh, what's that? Dinner stuff?

00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,822

- You making dinner?

- No.

00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,156

[OVEN PINGS]

00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,366

CHANDLER:

Shh!

00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,370

What's over there? Tacos?

00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:46,705

No. No.

00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:47,956

[BOTH LAUGH]

00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:49,874

They're just, uh... They're...

00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,335

They're ground beef smileys.

00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:55,630

Uh, those are tacos.

00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,383

Excuse me, Mr. Mexico.

00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,137

Either way, I'll pass.

Still can't eat those.

00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,097

Ha, ha.

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,142

[MONICA GIGGLING]

00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,063

What's so funny?

00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,529

I'm not laughing.

00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,121

[MONICA GIGGLES]

00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,956

You told her!

00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,542

Nancy Thompson's getting fired.

00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,759

Okay, okay. I had food poisoning.

It's not like I chose to do it!

00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:44,888

It's not like I said,

"What would make this ride more fun?"

00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,684

Right. You're right, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be laughing.

00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,312

I should be

laying down papers for you.

00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:58,234

- How could you?

- I had to. We're getting married.

00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,945

Married couples can't keep secrets.

00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,073

I... I guess Monica should know

about Atlantic City.

00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:05,950

Du... ude!

00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,913

- What happened?

- Chandler and I are in a bar...

00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,540

Did you not hear me say, "Du... ude"?

00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,711

- And this girl

is making eyes at Chandler.

00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:21,716

So he goes over to her and, uh, after

a minute or two, I see them kissing.

00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:26,429

You're thinking he's not the type

to go to bars and make out with girls.

00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,681

And you're right.

He's not the type...

00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:33,061

...to go to bars

and make out with "girls."

00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,773

You kissed a guy?

00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,399

[MONICA LAUGHING]

00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,151

Oh, my God!

00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:44,572

In my defense, it was dark

and he was a very pretty guy.

00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,159

Oh, Mon, I laughed so hard...

00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:52,539

Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out

your underwear again?

00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,626

Whatever, dude. You kissed a guy.

00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,800

- Hi.

- Hey.

00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,760

How's Hilda working out?

00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:11,391

Oh, my new assistant

is working out. Yes.

00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,226

She happy she got the job?

00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:18,940

My new assistant is very happy

that I hired my new assistant.

00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,400

[PHONE RINGS]

00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,360

Hello.

00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,946

Oh, hey! Can you hang on a second?

00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,240

It's the producers at

Mac and C.H.E.E.S. E...

00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,325

...if you'll excuse me for a minute.

00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:35,498

Hey, funny you should call. I was

just looking over next week's script.

00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,001

Canceled?

00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,462

Like, they're taking it off the air? Oh.

00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,925

All right, I'll see you Monday.

00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,720

We're not even shooting them anymore!

00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,973

All right. Bye.

00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,976

They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.

00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,936

- Oh, sorry.

- Oh, sorry, Joey.

00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,939

Why would they do that?

It was a good show, right?

00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,746

You want to tell secrets?

Okay, in college...

00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:17,123

...Ross used to wear leg warmers.

00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,791

[MONICA LAUGHS]

00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:24,505

All right, Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice

look-alike contest and won.

00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,468

Ross came in fourth and cried!

00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,470

Oh, my God!

00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,723

Oh, is that funny?

You find that funny?

00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,809

Maybe Chandler should know

your secrets too.

00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,270

Ha, ha.

Oh, I... I already told him everything.

00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,105

You shush!

00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,359

Once, she was sent to bed

without dinner...

00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,570

...so she ate the macaroni off

a jewelry box she'd made.

00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:54,077

Ross stayed home every Saturday night

to watch Golden Girls.

00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:59,165

Monica couldn't tell time

until she was 13.

00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,503

It's hard for some people!

00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:05,922

Of course it is.

00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,132

[WHISPERS]

Wow.

00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:11,678

- Chandler wore my underwear to work!

- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey!

00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:16,474

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't think

of any more for Ross.

00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,476

In college, Chandler got drunk...

00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,728

...and slept with the lady

who cleaned our dorm.

00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:21,980

[MONICA LAUGHS]

00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,564

That was you.

00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:24,774

[MONICA LAUGHS]

00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,695

Whatever, dude. You kissed a guy.

00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,491

How could this happen to me?

00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:38,454

Yesterday, I had two TV shows.

Today, I got nothing.

00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,541

Wait a minute,

what happened to Days ofour Lives?

00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:44,877

Uh, well, they might be a little mad

at me over there.

00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,546

What happened?

00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:51,968

Well, maybe I got a little upset, and

maybe I told them where they could go.

00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,679

Joey, why would you do that?

00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,390

Because! They wanted me to audition.

00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:01,019

You, an actor? That's madness!

00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,319

Rachel Green's office.

00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:13,865

Tag.

00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,575

Hi, who was that?

00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:19,078

Nobody. I was just practicing.

00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:20,538

Really?

00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,206

[CHUCKLES]

00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,088

- Hi.

- Hi, Rachel Green's office.

00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,800

- You must be Hilda.

RACHEL: Ahem.

00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,054

He's Tag. This is Phoebe.

00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,181

- Phoebe, can I see you for a sec?

PHOEBE: Mm-hm.

00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,515

- Phoebe.

PHOEBE: Mm-hm.

00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,851

- Great name.

- You like that?

00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,729

- You should hear my phone number.

- Okay.

00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,279

So you hired yourself

a little treat, did you?

00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,657

I know how it looks,

but I am telling you...

00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,410

You can't get involved

with your assistant.

00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:04,373

I know that, and I know hiring him was

not the smartest thing I've ever done.

00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,376

But, from now on,

I swear this is strictly professional.

00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:08,586

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,046

- Yes.

- Hey, Rachel.

00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,255

RACHEL:

Hi.

00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,050

Cute assistant. What's his story?

00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:16,552

- Is he...?

- Gay? Yeah.

00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:21,349

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,602

Hey, Terry.

00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,104

TERRY:

Joey Tribbiani.

00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:30,024

Surprised your big head

could fit through our small halls.

00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,361

TERRY: I gotta go, Joey.

JOEY: Wait, Terry! Look, uh...

00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,530

I'm really sorry about before.

00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,991

I was an idiot, thinking I'm too big

to audition for you.

00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,452

- Give me another chance.

- I can't.

00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,496

Wait, Terry, please!

00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,707

Look, I just lost my other job, okay?

00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:50,128

You have no idea

how much I need this.

00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,879

Please, help me out.

00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,173

For old times' sake.

00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,803

This guy's been in a coma

for five years. It's hopeless.

00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:02,056

It's not. Dr. Stryker Ramoray

is a miracle worker.

00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,349

Here he comes.

00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,643

Good morning.

00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:16,487

Drake, it's your brother, Stryker.

Can you hear me?

00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,030

DIRECTOR:

And cut.

00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:20,032

[BUZZER BEEPS]

00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,118

I'm back, baby!

00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,327

[LAUGHS]

00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,675

You know, in my defense, um...

00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:41,512

...there was no glitter on

the macaroni and very little glue.

00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:45,516

And in my defense,

the cleaning lady came on to me.

00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,979

- Do you have trouble telling time now?

- No.

00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:52,940

- Quick, what time is it?

- Time to kiss a guy?

00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,738

What are you laughing at, Pampers?

00:20:02,242 --> 00:20:04,285

You know when I said

married people...

00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,371

...should share everything

and not have any secrets?

00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,458

- Yeah?

- That was stupid. Let's not do that.

00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,709

MONICA:

Oh.

00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,169

Absolutely.

00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:17,465

We should keep the stuff we told

each other secret from everyone else.

00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,550

CHANDLER: Ha, ha.

- Yeah, definitely.

00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,011

Okay, ha, ha.

00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,680

If you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna hang out with people...

00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:27,350

...who don't know

the Space Mountain story.

00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:31,854

- Then I'd steer clear of Phoebe.

- Man!

00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,818

Not that you would, but I wouldn't

hang out with the guys at my office.

00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,078

[KNOCKING]

00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:49,705

Hi.

00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:51,791

[DOOR CLOSES]

00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,418

- Do you have a minute?

- Sure. What's up?

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,506

I got asked out twice today

while I was at lunch...

00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,466

...by guys.

00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:03,970

- Really?

TAG: Yeah.

00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,597

Did you tell someone that I was gay?

00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:10,142

Oh, did you not want people

to know that?

00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:16,190

I'm not gay. I especially wouldn't

want you to think I was gay.

00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,276

Why is that?

00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:23,698

- I don't think I should say.

- Oh, you can say.

00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:29,203

Come on, I don't want you to feel

like you can't tell me things.

00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,082

- Okay.

- Okay.

00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,918

- Well...

- Yeah.

00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,671

...I'd love to ask out

your friend Phoebe.

00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:43,467

Yeah, she's gay.

00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:51,600

[English - US - SDH]