Эпизод с фотографией для помолвки

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- What's the matter?

- Someone on the subway licked my neck!

00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:11,176

- Licked my neck!

- Whoa! Willy's still alive.

00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,929

- What are you doing?

- My mom called.

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They're gonna run our engagement

announcement in the paper.

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- We're looking for a good picture.

- Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.

00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:23,814

Not true. There are great pictures of us.

00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:28,152

No, there are great pictures of you

next to a guy who's going like this...

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Oh, my God, that's the creep that

you're with at the Statue of Liberty.

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I don't know what it is.

I just can't take a good picture.

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Oh, here's a great one.

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- Yeah, I'm not in that.

- No, but look at me, all tan.

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Why don't you get portraits done

by a professional photographer?

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That's a great idea. I bet they have

one of those wind machines, like:

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[WHOOSHING]

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Yeah, that's great. Next to that,

Chandler won't look so stupid.

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- Chandler, what do you say?

- All right, but I should warn you.

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I'm not going. I'm going.

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Dude, that reverse lay-up. Ugh!

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- And how about those three-pointers?

- Amazing.

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And those guys were this close

to letting us play this time too.

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Hey, look. Phoebe's talking

to Cute Coffeehouse Guy.

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You call him "Cute Coffeehouse Guy"?

We call him "Hums While He Pees."

00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,877

Yes, and we call Ross

"Lingers in the Bathroom."

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Hey, you guys, "Hums While He Pees"

just asked me out.

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- I thought that guy was married.

- He is, but he's getting divorced.

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Ross, maybe you know him.

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It's not a club.

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If this guy's going through a divorce,

is it a good idea to go out with him?

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Hey, divorced men are not bad men.

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They have that that on the napkins

at the club.

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- Oh, I gotta get back to work.

- You don't have to be back for a half-hour.

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My assistant, Tag, does sit-ups

in the office during lunch. Heh.

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Ugh, I could just spread him

on a cracker.

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If you have a crush on this guy,

why would you hire him?

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- You know you can't date him, right?

- Oh, no, I know that.

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Although we made a joke

that we spend so much time together...

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...he should call me his "work-wife."

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Soon he'll be able to call you

"that lady he knew that got fired."

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I'm not gonna get fired,

because I'm not gonna act on it.

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You wouldn't mind

if he was dating someone?

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Why, is he? He is, isn't he?

He's dating that slut in marketing.

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Maybe I should open

a divorced men's club.

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Dude, that's so sad.

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- I could put a basketball court in the back.

- Heh.

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Could I play?

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Oh, no sit-ups today, Tag?

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- I just did them.

- Oh, well, drop and give me 10 more. Heh.

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What?

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I had a drink with lunch. Did those, um...?

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- Did those cost reports come in?

- Yeah, I filled them out last night.

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Oh, great. Could you make me 4 copies?

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- Sure.

- Great, thank you.

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[CLEARS THROAT]

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Huh.

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Ah.

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- Hey, Rachel.

- Hi. Hi, Melissa. What's up?

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I'm just about to, um, go out to the store.

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Get some stuff to put in my backpack.

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You know, like dried fruit and granola,

and stuff like that.

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- Um, what's up?

- Is Tag here?

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- No. Why?

- Oh, I was gonna talk to him...

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...about doing something tonight.

- Really?

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You got a little crush

on Tag there, do you?

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Well, we've been flirting back and forth...

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...but I was hoping tonight it would

turn into something a little more than that.

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Okay, whoa, whoa. Easy there, Melissa.

This ain't a locker room, okay.

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But you know, I remember him saying

that he had plans tonight.

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- Oh, no.

- Oh, yeah.

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All right, back to work.

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Hey, isn't that Tag's backpack?

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Yeah, Melissa, I don't want to be known

as the, uh, office bitch...

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...but I will call your supervisor.

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PHOTOGRAPHER:

Great, that's great, Monica. Great.

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Now, Chandler,

you want to give us a smile?

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Okay.

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- I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?

- No, I am.

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Chandler, I know you can do this.

You have a beautiful smile.

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- I do?

- Yeah.

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All right, maybe you don't have to smile.

Let's try something else. Let's try, um...

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- Try looking sexy.

- Okay.

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Or not.

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Hi, Joey, what are you doing here?

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I got an audition down the street,

and I spilled sauce all over my shirt.

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- You got an extra one?

- Yeah, sure. Um...

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Here.

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Great.

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You got anything

that's not Ralph Lauren?

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Yeah, I don't think so, Joe.

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I guess this'll be fine.

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- Listen, uh, what are you doing tonight?

- Nothing. Why?

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How would you feel about

taking out my assistant Tag?

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- I'll pay.

- Heh.

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It's gonna take a lot of money for

me to go out on a date with a dude.

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I'm not asking you to go on

a date with him.

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Really? Because I could kind of

use the money.

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Joey, just... He's new in town

and he doesn't have any guy friends.

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Take him to a ball game or something.

I'd appreciate it.

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- Yeah, okay, no problem.

- Thank you.

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- Ooh, hey, doughnuts!

- Uh-huh.

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[CHUCKLES]

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I know. Let's try a look...

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...of far-off wonderment.

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Gaze into our future and think about

our marriage and the days to come.

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Chandler, what is the matter

with your face?

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This picture's supposed to say

"Geller and Bing to be married"...

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...not "Local woman

saves drowning moron."

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- Ha-ha-ha.

MONICA: Hey, don't laugh at him.

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He's my drowning moron.

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- Aw.

- That's it, that's it! Take it, take it!

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I like this one.

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It seems to say, "I love you

and that's why I have to kill you."

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Can't all be bad.

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Find the one where you make

your bedroom eyes.

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Oh, there it is.

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Oh, my God,

those are my bedroom eyes?

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Why did you ever sleep with me?

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Do you really want to pull

at that thread?

00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,374

- I'm having a really good time.

- Me too.

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Sorry that guy on the subway

licked your neck.

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Oh!

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No, that's okay. He's a friend.

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Uh, I don't mean to be presumptuous...

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...but I have tickets to the

ballroom-dancing finals tomorrow.

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Yeah, I...

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Well, I missed the semifinals,

so I think I would just be lost.

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Heh, I know that it's lame,

but I got these tickets from my boss...

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Oh, no, no, no, my God!

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- Okay, don't freak out. I'll go.

- No, it's...

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My ex-wife Whitney is out there.

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I cannot deal with her now.

That woman is crazy.

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Okay, I know. Hold on.

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- Hey, Ross.

- Yeah.

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Yeah. Um, that's Whitney,

Kyle's ex-wife out there.

00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:06,878

Do you think you could divert her

so we could slip out?

00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,130

What? No.

00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:14,344

Okay, but I have two tickets

to the ballroom-dance finals.

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I don't think so, Pheebs. I, heh...

00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:22,143

All right, I'll do it.

00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:26,147

- But just because you're a friend.

- Okay.

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Aah!

00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,038

Hi, Ginger.

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I want my key back.

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- I don't have it.

- It's right there.

00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:49,045

Ugh. Okay, Sherlock.

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I'm sorry, but you'd better go, Pheebs.

00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,427

All right. I just wanted to thank you

for diverting Kyle's ex.

00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,597

Oh, yeah, no, you're welcome.

We'll, uh, talk about it later.

00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:00,056

- Okay.

- Heh.

00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:03,268

- Hi, Whitney.

- Hi, Ross.

00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:06,605

- Are you ready for breakfast?

- Yep. Ooh.

00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:12,444

Kyle's ex-wife? You were supposed

to divert her, not date her.

00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:16,740

Sorry, can you give me a second

while I talk to this woman...

00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:19,451

...uh, who, by the way,

did not spend the night?

00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,246

- Sure.

- Okay. Eh, heh...

00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,710

I did divert her, and we ended up

having a great time, okay?

00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,462

- Watching ballroom dancing?

- Yes.

00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,798

That's where we realized

we are both super cool people.

00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:39,137

Look, okay, Ross. Kyle just told me

some really bad stuff about her.

00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,848

- Like what?

- Like she's really mean.

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And she's overly critical and... And... No.

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She will paint a room a really bright

color without even checking with you.

00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,817

Okay.

00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:56,154

And she uses sex as a weapon.

00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,781

Fine. Thank you for warning me.

00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:02,786

At breakfast, I'll be on full alert

for room painting and sex weapons.

00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,706

- You're still gonna go out with her?

- Yeah.

00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:09,376

Well, didn't you hear

what I just said?

00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,629

Pheebs, come on.

I mean, consider the source.

00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,800

Of course her ex-husband's gonna say

that stuff. Now if you'll excuse me.

00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,260

No, listen to me, she is crazy!

00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,598

WHITNEY:

Uh, your door isn't soundproof.

00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,353

You see? Nothing is good enough

for her.

00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,401

- Morning.

- Hi, Tag.

00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:37,362

Hey, so did you have fun with,

uh, Joey last night?

00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,197

Yeah, we went to the Knicks game.

00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,116

Aw, that's nice.

00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,828

Then we went to this bar, and he

hooked us up with all these women.

00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:51,126

Women? You mean, like old women?

00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,087

Kind of old, like 30.

00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,970

- Oh.

- I never used to be able...

00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,888

...to just talk to girls in bars...

00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:07,225

...but I got, like, 20 phone numbers

last night.

00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,812

That's great.

00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:14,482

Oh, man. So Joey must have

really taught you some stuff.

00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,818

- A little.

- Yeah.

00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,112

How you doing?

00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:31,458

See? That's a great smile.

Easy, natural.

00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,543

Now pretend I have a camera.

00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,047

- You're changing it.

- I can't help it.

00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:41,718

All right. You want to know what I do

when I take résumé shots?

00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,887

Borrow money from me?

00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:49,768

Yeah. Okay, first of all,

you want to make it look spontaneous.

00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:54,522

So here's what I do. I look down,

look down, keep looking down.

00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,191

Then I look up.

00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,570

See? All right, now you try.

00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:04,032

Look down. You're looking down.

Keep looking down.

00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,284

Why is there jelly on your shoe?

00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,536

- I had a doughnut.

- Oh.

00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,123

- Hi.

- Hey.

00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,502

So, I heard you had some fun

with Tag last night.

00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,045

Yeah, that guy's all right.

00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:21,299

Yeah, and you had fun teaching him

how to be all "Joey."

00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,469

- What?

- You know, all the women.

00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,388

You can't teach someone

to be good with women.

00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:30,183

That's why I never had

any luck with Chandler.

00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,899

I'm right here.

00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,487

Would you mind just not

going out with him again?

00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:46,032

Just the idea of you and he

and all these women...

00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,660

I know he's my assistant,

and I can't date him, blah!

00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,703

But it bothers me, all right?

00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,540

No, no, no, you can't take him

away from me.

00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:57,502

I got a great partner to pick up

girls with. Finally!

00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,967

I'm still right here.

00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:06,427

All right, will you talk to him...

00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:11,140

...and tell him how hollow and unsatisfying

this dating-tons-of-women thing is?

00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,351

What?

00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,189

I don't want him to meet anybody

until I'm over my crush.

00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,691

And I will get over it.

00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,861

It's not like I love him. It's just physical.

00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:26,948

I get these crushes all the time.

Hell, I had a crush on you when I met you.

00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,992

I know. Monica told me.

00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,954

Did you have a crush on me

when you first met me?

00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,208

Yeah, sure.

00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,590

Can you people not see me?

00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,219

So will you talk to him?

00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:52,265

- I don't know, Rach.

- I'll give you 10 Ralph Lauren shirts.

00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:53,850

One.

00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,728

No, 10. You said 10.

You can't take that back.

00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:06,362

Hey. You wanted to talk to me?

00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,907

I don't know.

You, uh, got something for me?

00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,658

Oh, yeah, this is from Rachel.

00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,748

Ten. Okay.

00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,250

Tag, there's such a thing

as too many women.

00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,170

- Really?

- Yeah, for you.

00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,386

- Hey, there you are.

- There I am.

00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:34,140

- You okay?

- Yeah, Joey said I, uh, needed to relax.

00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:36,142

So he gave me an antihistamine.

00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:37,936

- What?

- Yeah.

00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,813

Then I fell asleep on the subway

and went to Brooklyn.

00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,399

Brooklyn is far.

00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:45,777

What were you thinking?

00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:49,656

But don't worry, because

I know how to take a picture now.

00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,785

Okay, see. Look down.

00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:58,122

Look down.

00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:05,630

- Chandler?

- Yeah?

00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:13,763

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,976

So how are things going with Crazy?

Has she cooked your rabbit yet?

00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:22,313

Listen, you are hearing one side

of the story. Okay?

00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:26,234

FYI, she must have shown Kyle

over 30 paint samples...

00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:27,986

...before she painted that room.

00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:34,283

And his response to each one was,

"I don't give a tiny rat's ass."

00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,787

Maybe she should have spent

a little less time decorating...

00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,331

...and a little more time

in the bedroom.

00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:43,543

I don't think we are going

to have that problem...

00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:47,505

...but maybe that's because I am not

emotionally unavailable.

00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,299

You think he's emotionally unavailable?

00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,552

I think he can be.

00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,721

Maybe he wouldn't be...

00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:57,348

...if she didn't bring the office

home every night.

00:16:57,516 --> 00:17:00,893

Well excuse her for knowing

what she wants to do with her life.

00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:05,273

Well, she certainly knew what

she was doing New Year's Eve 1997.

00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:09,444

I knew you were gonna

throw that in my face!

00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:13,531

That was three years ago.

She apologized and apologized.

00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,117

What more do you want?

00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:18,911

We want the last six years back!

00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,956

So do we! So do we!

00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,838

I'm sorry you had to see that.

00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,552

- Morning, Rachel.

- Hi.

00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,971

Hey, so, uh, what'd you do last night?

00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,931

- Went out with Joey.

- Oh, yeah?

00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:42,810

Another night of bird-dogging

the chicas?

00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:47,482

- No, we had a really good talk.

- Oh.

00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:50,068

I don't think I'm gonna do

that bar scene anymore.

00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,237

Wow, I did not see that coming.

00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,740

It's just not really who I am.

00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,409

No, I've always been happier when...

00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,078

Why am I telling you this?

00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,747

- You don't care about this stuff.

- Yes, I do. I do.

00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:07,376

Go on. You were saying,

"I'm happier when I'm..."

00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,128

When I'm in a relationship.

00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,547

- I love having a girlfriend.

- Really?

00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:14,050

Yeah. Someone I can spoil, you know.

00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,677

- Sp... Spoil?

- Uh-huh.

00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:20,848

- Let me ask you something.

- Uh-huh?

00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,935

Do you believe there's one perfect

person for everyone?

00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,604

I'm starting to.

00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,650

If that person's in your life,

you should do something about it?

00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,443

Yes. Hell, yes.

00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,987

- All right, then, it's settled.

- Okay.

00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:38,449

- I'm getting back together with my ex.

- I would love to!

00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:40,159

What?

00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,040

Hello?

00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,169

Oh. This is gonna be a while.

Excuse me.

00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,964

Um, yeah.

00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,966

Yeah.

00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,062

My God!

00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,691

Oh, I'm sorry. Is that annoying?

00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,819

And speaking of being selfish in bed,

how's Whitney?

00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,115

Maybe she wouldn't have to be

selfish in bed...

00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,493

...if someone else knew where

everything was.

00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,454

Oh, he knows. Heh.

00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:27,290

For the most part.

00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:32,044

Oh, hey. Good, you're both here.

00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,172

We kind of need to talk.

00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,674

- Both of you together?

- What's up?

00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:40,928

Well, I went over to Kyle's last night

to pick up a few things...

00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:44,056

...and we got to reminiscing.

00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,892

KYLE:

We talked most of the night...

00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:49,020

...and realized the reason

we're angry with each other...

00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,732

...is because there are still

feelings there.

00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,443

So...

00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,697

Oh, just say it, Kyle!

00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,785

We're gonna give it another try.

00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:08,581

What about her whining,

and her constant need for attention?

00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,957

I'm gonna work on that.

00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,418

Oh, right, because you're so

capable of change.

00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,088

You know, he hums when he pees.

00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,386

- I do know.

- Makes him miss the bowl, but whatever.

00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,348

We're so sorry.

00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:30,019

That's all right. We don't need you.

I'm over it already.

00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:33,397

Yeah, and I don't even give

a tiny rat's ass.

00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,734

Yeah, we're gonna go.

00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,531

I'm sorry.

00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:43,866

Agh.

00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:47,203

Pheebs, you were right about her.

00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:51,123

You know, she did try to use

sex as a weapon.

00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,417

Yeah, I hurt my back a little.

00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:58,965

You know, he hums while he does

other stuff too.

00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:04,470

- We're better off without them.

- Heh.

00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:09,141

Even if they break up again, you better

not let him in your sad men's club.

00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:12,603

- Divorced men's club.

- Potato, "potato."

00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:19,902

Hey, guys, check it out.

00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:23,948

- My mom sent me the paper.

- Ooh, let's see it. Yay.

00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:29,161

- Oh, yeah, that looks good.

- You make a very attractive couple.

00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:35,751

- Yeah, we look great together.

- We really do.

00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:37,712

Okay.

00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:40,464

Imagine what our kids would look like.

00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,258

You know, we don't have to imagine.

00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,012

I'm marrying her.

00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:47,888

We'll just see.

00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,687

[English - US - SDH]