Эпизод со спящими

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...is because I've been thinking

about my maid of honor.

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Oh, my God. This is it. Oh.

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I hope it's you.

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- I hope it's you.

- Me too.

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First of all, I love you both so much.

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- You're both so important to me.

- Blah, blah, blah. Who is it?

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I was thinking we could

come up with a system...

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...where we trade off being maid of honor.

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- Hypothetically, if Phoebe were mine...

- Yes! Oh.

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Hypothetically.

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Still.

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If Phoebe were mine,

Rachel would be Phoebe's, I'd be Rachel's.

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We all get to do it and no one gets upset.

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- That's a pretty good idea.

- I'll do that. So who's yours?

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Well, that's the best part.

You guys get to decide.

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- Why is that the best part?

- I don't have to.

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Of course we'll help you decide.

We'll do anything we can to help you.

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I'd like to make a toast.

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To the future Mrs. Chandler Bing...

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...my best friend and truly one

of the nicest people that...

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- Really not deciding.

- Fine.

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Excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing.

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- You're marrying Chandler Bing?

- Yeah.

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Huh.

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Good luck!

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Oh, and good luck to you too!

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What a nice lady.

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Yeah!

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- Die Hard, still great.

- Yep.

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Let's make it a double feature?

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What else did you rent?

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Die Hard 2.

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Joey, this is Die Hard 1 again.

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Well, we'll watch it a second time

and it's Die Hard 2.

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- Joey, we just saw it.

- And?

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It would be cool to see it again!

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- Yeah! Die Hard!

- Die Hard!

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Dude, you didn't say Die Hard.

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Is everything okay?

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Yeah, I just got plans.

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Well, John McClane had plans.

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I want to leave before

Joey gets all worked up...

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...and starts calling everybody "bitch."

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What are you talking about, bitch?

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- Hey, Rachel.

- Yeah?

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When I get married,

will you be my maid of honor?

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Really?

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Oh, my God, Phoebe. I mean, I'm just...

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Wait a minute.

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If I'm your maid of honor,

that means that you are Monica's.

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Oh.

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- Well, if that's what you want.

- Oh!

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No way, Phoebe. I want to be Monica's.

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- Why does it even matter?

- Why does it matter to you?

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Because this one is now.

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And it's two of our best friends.

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And who knows what you're gonna marry.

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What if I marry Ross? Or Joey?

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[GASPS]

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You wouldn't.

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Okay, look, Rachel.

I know you really want to do this...

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...but I've never been

maid of honor to anyone before.

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I know you've done it at least twice.

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- Yeah, but, Phoebe...

- Please let me finish.

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I guess that was it.

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Okay.

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Okay. Since you've never done it before,

you can be Monica's maid of honor.

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Oh, thank you so much!

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Yay.

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I'm gonna marry someone good.

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Oh, I know.

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- Better than Chandler.

- Pfft.

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[BOTH YELL]

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- What happened?

- I don't know.

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We fell asleep. That is all.

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Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

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All right, well, I'd better go.

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- I think that would be best.

- Yeah.

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- I'll talk to you later.

- Okay.

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- But not about this.

- No, never. Never!

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- So, uh...

- Uh...

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- Bye.

- No touch. No touch.

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Hey, a weird thing happened at brunch.

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This woman overheard

that I was marrying you...

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...and she wished me good luck.

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That's sweet.

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No, it was more like a "good luck."

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So, what did this woman look like?

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She was like 30, dark hair, attractive.

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Any chance you were looking into

a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?

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Was it someone you dated in college?

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No, I only dated two girls in college...

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...both blond, both not attractive.

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Let me check this out.

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- What are you doing?

- Well, let's see.

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Okay, uh, is that her?

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Oh, my God, yes!

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- Who is she?

- Julie Graff, my camp girlfriend.

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Did you break up with her?

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No, we're still together.

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We went out for two summers

and then I broke up with her.

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- Why?

- She came back the third summer...

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...and she'd gotten really fa... Ahh.

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- Fat?

- I did not say fat.

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I said fa... Ahh.

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You broke up with a girl

because she was fat?

00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,447

Yeah. Yeah.

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But it was a really long time ago.

Does she still feel bad?

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Apparently she does.

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You know what they say,

"Elephants never forget."

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Seriously, good luck marrying me.

00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,927

Hey, what's going on?

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Phoebe is gonna be

Monica's maid of honor.

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Hey. Hope it goes better than the last time

you did it for that girl downstairs.

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You have been maid of honor before?

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You see? This is exactly why

you shouldn't lie.

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That's it. I am maid of honor.

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- No, I am.

- How come you are?

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Because I cared enough to lie.

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Hey, I could help you decide

who should do it.

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We could have an audition.

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See how you'd handle

maid-of-honor-type situations.

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- What are you talking about?

- When I want a job...

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...I audition and if I'm the best

of the people they see...

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...they give me the part.

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Okay, so after this audition,

who decides who gets it?

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Oh, me and Ross can be the judges.

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- It's better than us deciding.

- Oh, this is crazy.

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- Can't we just flip a coin?

- No, coins hate me.

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Okay, fine. You know what?

We will let Ross and Joey decide.

00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,110

Hi!

00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,529

Ross, sweetie.

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Hey there, handsome thing.

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Wow, this cologne really is

every bit as good as Giorgio.

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Hey.

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Just brought back your videos.

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Hey, Ross. Look, I think

we need to talk about before.

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No. No, we don't.

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Yes, we do.

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Now, look. That was the best nap I ever had.

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I don't know what you're talking about.

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Come on, admit it.

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That was the best nap you ever had.

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I've had better.

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Okay. When?

00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,963

All right! All right!

It was the best nap ever!

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- Ah!

- I said it, okay?

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But it's over, Joey!

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I want to do it again.

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We can't do it again.

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- Why not?

- Because it's weird!

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Fine.

00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:29,442

You want a drink?

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- Sure. What do you got?

- Warm milk and Excedrin PM.

00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,038

Chandler.

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I just figured out who you are.

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CHANDLER:

Can you figure out what I'm doing?

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- You're Louis Posen.

- Who?

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He was my best friend in fifth grade.

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One day, I asked him to be

my boyfriend and he said no.

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Do you know why?

00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:04,352

Because you kept talking to him while

he was trying to go to the bathroom?

00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:08,106

No, but because he thought

I was too fa... Ahh.

00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,403

Every time I think about it,

I feel as bad as I did then.

00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,364

I really think you should

apologize to Julie.

00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,618

Honey, are you kidding?

That was like 16 years ago.

00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,996

It would make me feel better

if Louis apologized to me.

00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:27,250

I'll do it. But I warn you,

this may make me a better person.

00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,462

And that is not the man

you fell in love with.

00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:33,882

This is how it's gonna work.

00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,635

We'll give you hypothetical

maid-of-honor situations.

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You'll be scored on a scale of one to 10.

00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,723

- One being the highest.

- Ten is the highest.

00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,517

- Why is 10 the highest?

- Because it's the highest.

00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:50,357

Okay, Rachel, you're up first.

00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:53,401

Situation number one:

You're with Monica.

00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:57,697

The wedding is about to start

when Monica gets cold feet. Go!

00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,283

I don't want to marry Chandler.

00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,619

- I've got cold feet.

- It's gonna be okay.

00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:05,413

One man the rest of my life?

I don't know.

00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,083

This means I'll never get to sleep with Joey.

00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,671

Look, Monica...

00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,714

...getting cold feet is very common.

00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:17,550

It's just because of all the anticipation.

00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:21,930

And you just have to remember

that you love Chandler.

00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:24,683

And also, I ran out on a wedding.

00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,644

You don't get to keep the gifts.

00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,397

Very good,

drawing on your own experience.

00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:31,940

Very good.

00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,484

Yes, very nice, Rachel.

00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:35,944

Thank you, judges.

00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,113

- Kiss-ass.

- Oh.

00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,617

- Okay, Phoebe.

- Yes, Your Honor.

00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,161

JOEY:

We're now in the ceremony.

00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,414

Monica is about to say, "I do"...

00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,999

...when her drunk uncle starts yelling.

00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,584

What do you do? Go!

00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,421

When Monica was a little girl...

00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:55,672

...I remember that...

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[PHOEBE YELLS]

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Ow!

00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,512

- Very good!

- Oh.

00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,223

Yes, excellent. Perfect score.

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:08,768

She just made a scene

in the middle of the ceremony!

00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:11,771

Hey, you want a little taste of Pheebs?

00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:17,152

It is time for you to give

your maid-of-honor speech.

00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,903

We haven't even prepared...

00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,323

- Go!

- Okay, okay, okay. Um...

00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,118

Webster's Dictionary

defines marriage as...

00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:29,664

Okay, no! Forget that! That sucks!

Okay, never mind. Forget it. Um, um...

00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:34,961

I met... I met Monica when we were

just a couple of 6-year-olds...

00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:40,175

...and became friends with Chandler

when he was 25...

00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:43,136

...although he seemed like a 6-year-old.

00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,971

Oh.

00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,475

Thank you. Thank you very much. Um...

00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,228

I've known them separately and together.

00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:58,026

To know them as a couple is to know

that you are truly in the presence of love.

00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:01,488

So I would like to raise my glass...

00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,281

...to Monica and Chandler...

00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:08,077

...and the beautiful adventure they

are about to embark upon together.

00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:11,956

I can think of no two people

better prepared for the journey.

00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,250

Wow.

00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,962

- Great speech.

- Yeah, it really was.

00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,255

RACHEL:

Oh, thanks.

00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:24,302

Okay, Phoebe, I guess you're next.

Although I really don't see the point.

00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:28,890

Okay.

00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:34,562

I can't believe that Monica

and Chandler are getting married.

00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,273

I remember talking

about this day with Rachel...

00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,610

...while we were showering together, naked.

00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,036

And she's back in the game!

00:13:59,755 --> 00:14:00,922

CHANDLER:

Julie. Hi.

00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,383

Chandler Bing. I guess you remember me.

00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:06,010

Hello, Skidmark.

00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,140

It's a nickname. I'll explain later.

00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,351

It's pretty clear.

00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:19,315

I owe you a long-overdue apology.

00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:22,986

I shouldn't have broken up with you

because you were overweight.

00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,738

That's why you broke up with me?

00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,160

You didn't know that?

00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,456

Well, I guess my work here is done.

00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:44,591

First of all, I would like to say

you both performed very well, okay?

00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,843

You should be proud.

00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:51,764

And I'd also like to say,

in this competition, there are no losers.

00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,475

Well, except Rachel. Damn it!

00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,604

Really? I won?

00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:00,773

- What?

- I'm sorry, Rach, it was really close.

00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:04,694

- Well, then I demand a recount!

- Actually, it wasn't that close.

00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,947

You know what?

Your thing was so stupid anyway.

00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,450

We're gonna flip a coin, all right?

00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,411

Heads. Oh!

00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,831

What? The coins have finally forgiven me!

00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:21,961

You know what? I hope Monica

forgives you after you throw her...

00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:26,966

...her vegetarian-voodoo-goddess-circle-y

shower.

00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:32,055

Rach, it's gonna be okay.

You guys are the best!

00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:38,019

Boy, I tell you. That judging stuff

took a lot out of me.

00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,395

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:44,067

Thinking about maybe going upstairs

and taking a little nap on my couch.

00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,530

Why would I care about that?

00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:53,743

No reason. I'm just saying that...

00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,245

...that's where I'll be.

00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:20,019

As bad as that went,

I actually enjoyed myself.

00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:24,524

I think that I'm going to apologize

for all the stupid things that I do.

00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:27,318

Why don't you just stop

doing stupid things?

00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:31,656

- Then you wouldn't have to apologize.

- I'd love it if I could do both.

00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:37,662

All right, I have to ask.

00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,497

What?

00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,709

Will you break up with me if I get fat again?

00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,085

What?

00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:47,588

You broke up with Julie.

How much weight did she gain?

00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,133

A hundred and forty-five pounds.

00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,802

In one year?

00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:55,304

My God, what did she eat? Her family?

00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,434

That's not the point.

00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:03,604

I know it was a stupid reason

to break up with someone, but I was 15.

00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:08,067

Yeah, well, that's not

the only time this was an issue.

00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,530

You remember when you spent

Thanksgiving with us?

00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,865

You called me fat.

00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,199

Wait a minute.

00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,119

- That was totally different.

- How?

00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:22,081

You were not supposed to hear that.

I said that behind your back.

00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:26,961

What if I have babies, okay?

I'm gonna look different.

00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,630

I'm okay with that,

but I'm not sure you are.

00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:33,092

You have to realize I don't think

of you as a thin, beautiful woman.

00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:41,350

This is one of the things

that I can apologize for later.

00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,438

What I mean is, you're Monica.

00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:48,733

Okay? And I am in love with Monica.

00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,485

Keep going.

00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:54,864

So you can balloon up

or you can shrink down...

00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,033

...and I will still love you.

00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:02,121

Even if I shrink down to 2 inches tall?

00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,916

I'd carry you around in my pocket.

00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,460

I love you.

00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:13,758

Skidmark still got a way with the ladies.

00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,720

Hi, Pheebs.

00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,347

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,390

I just want to apologize.

00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,976

I'm really sorry I was a baby.

00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:27,730

That's ridiculous.

Rachel, we were all babies once.

00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,152

- Oh, you mean today.

- Yeah.

00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,073

Yeah, and you know, you deserve to win.

00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,866

And I was thinking about it.

00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:42,411

If you're Monica's maid of honor,

I get to be yours.

00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:45,123

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.

00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:50,128

When Monica and Chandler got engaged,

I put some stuff together.

00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,506

- Just in case.

- Oh, that's so sweet. Thanks.

00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:57,051

Here is a book of poetry

that I know Monica loves.

00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,512

Oh, God, this is funny. Look.

00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,182

Here's a picture from one Halloween

when she dressed up as a bride.

00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,184

She made me carry her train...

00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,604

...which was weird

because I was Wonder Woman.

00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:13,025

Oh, and here's a little purse that I found.

00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:16,070

I just thought they could hold

the rings in there.

00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,948

- Oh.

- Something. And...

00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:23,661

...vintage handkerchiefs, you know,

because people cry at weddings.

00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,497

I'm just gonna grab a couple of these.

00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,876

This stuff is great.

00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:32,628

I forgot this was in here.

00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,551

This was the garter

that I was saving for my wedding.

00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:42,763

And I wanted it

to be Monica's "something borrowed."

00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,432

And it's blue.

00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,811

Yeah.

00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,900

Rach, I think that you should be

Monica's maid of honor.

00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:57,820

You do?

00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,866

- Why?

- Because I think it means more to you.

00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,827

But, Pheebs, honey, you earned it.

00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,038

It's fine. I mean, this is something...

00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:11,125

...that you've been thinking about

since you were, what, 14?

00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:14,503

No, I was 10. I just developed early.

00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,131

Man alive!

00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,719

- Hey, what's going on?

- Hey!

00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:25,139

We decided Rachel is

going to be your maid of honor.

00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,808

Oh, that's great!

00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:31,270

Oh, wow. Okay, we really

have to start planning.

00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:33,648

I have really specific ideas.

00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,067

We should meet four times a week.

00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:39,654

Come to my place,

we'll get together before work.

00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:43,115

What do you say, 6:30, my place?

So excited!

00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,334

Yeah, okay. You laugh now.

00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,044

She's gonna be yours.

00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:13,062

Great nap.

00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:15,273

It really was.

00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,191

[RACHEL CLEARS THROAT]

00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,459

Dude, what the hell are you doing?

00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:38,254

God!

00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:46,053

Excuse me.

00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:54,061

[English - US - SDH]