Эпизод с библиотечной книгой Росса

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How was your date?

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- Pretty good.

- Oh, good.

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- Aah!

- My God. Sorry about that.

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Okay, really good.

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I gotta go. I'm late.

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You're going to leave her with me?

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Don't worry, she's a terrific girl.

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Can you do me a favor?

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Could you mention I'm not looking

for a relationship? That'd be great.

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What, are you kidding?

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Just casually slip it in, you know.

Lay the groundwork.

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Tell her I'm a loner. No, an outlaw.

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She doesn't want to get mixed up

with the likes of me.

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That's a lot to remember.

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Can't I tell her that you're a pig?

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I'm gonna call her later myself.

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Honest.

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Chandler used to do it.

He'd make her pancakes.

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He'd make extras and leave them for me.

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I'm not telling her anything.

It's not my responsibility.

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Fine.

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Now, where did we land

on those pancakes?

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- Hi.

- Hi.

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Sorry, but I couldn't get

that lock to work.

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Yeah, Joey kind of disabled it

when I moved in.

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- You must be Rachel. I'm Erin.

- Hi.

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I don't mean this to sound like high

school, but did he talk about me?

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Would you like some pancakes?

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CHANDLER: Come on. Why are we here?

ROSS: Okay, okay, take a guess.

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The hot chicks?

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Okay, okay, I was typing names

into the library computer earlier...

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...you know, for fun.

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And I typed mine in,

and guess what came up?

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My doctoral dissertation.

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It's right down here in the biggest

library in the university.

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Wow, that's actually pretty cool.

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There's also a book here

by a woman named Wendy Bagina.

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[MAN & WOMAN MOANING]

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What is that?

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Sounds like two people are really

enjoying the Dewey decimal system.

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[GASPS]

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WOMAN:

We're so sorry.

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You didn't bring me here to do that,

did you?

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She sent the chicken back again?

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She said it's too dry and wants

to explain to you how she wants it.

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I'd like to meet this chicken expert.

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Send the colonel in.

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Oh, my God!

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Lucky bastard.

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- Janice.

- How are you...

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...Ms. Hotshot-Chef-at-the-Big-Fancy-

Restaurant-With-the-Best-Chicken-Ever?

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I'm fine.

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Oh, what is that on your finger?

I'm blind.

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Oh, uh...

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So who's the lucky guy?

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Oh, my God.

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I am so sorry, sweetie.

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Are you okay?

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You didn't tell her we're engaged?

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- She saw the ring.

- Did she freak out?

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She was shocked,

but then again, so were most people.

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Eh.

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She actually has a boyfriend herself.

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Name's Clark.

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She also invited herself to our wedding.

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Clark too.

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You said no, right?

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Huh?

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You said no, right?

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She cornered me. She asked me

if the wedding was in town.

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- What was I supposed to do?

- Lie.

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How hard is that?

"Your check's in the mail."

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"Oh, your baby's so cute."

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"I can't wait to read your book, Ross."

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So she comes to the wedding.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

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Think she'll sit quietly?

Think she'll want to make a toast?

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You don't think she'll want

to sing "Part-Time Lover"?

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Oh, my God. She's not gonna like

the chicken either, is she?

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You know what? It'll be okay.

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She's probably not gonna even

want to come.

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- Really?

- No, that was a lie.

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See how easy that was?

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So you would have just lied?

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Yes.

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- It would have really been that easy?

- Yes.

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Do it Saturday. We're having

dinner with her and Clark.

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[MIMICS JANICE'S LAUGH]

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Hey, what's up?

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- Hey.

- Hey.

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Hey, who's your friend?

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Hey!

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- Hey, Joey.

JOEY: Erin.

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You're still here.

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We ended up spending the day together

and had such a great time.

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Why wouldn't you? Erin is great.

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And then there's you guys.

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Well, listen, I better get going.

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- Today was great. Thanks.

RACHEL: I know.

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Okay.

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And Joey, last night was fun.

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Yeah. I'll call you.

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- I'll call you too.

- Or I'll call you.

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- And call me.

ERIN: Okay.

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- Good to see you again.

- Bye.

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JOEY: Bye-bye.

RACHEL: Bye.

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The system kind of broke down, huh?

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Joey, I'm sorry. I just couldn't

tell her all those things.

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And we got to talking, and I...

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We want you to marry her.

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What?

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She is so amazing. You have no idea.

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Who do you think brought her here?

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Cupid.

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She's so cool.

She speaks four languages.

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Man, do you know what guys want.

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Come on, she's so perfect for you.

She's sweet.

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She likes baseball.

She had two beers at lunch.

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My beers?!

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Look, she's a very nice girl.

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We had a very good time,

but I don't see it going anywhere.

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You always say that.

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Maybe if you gave her a chance,

it would go somewhere.

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I'm sorry, you guys. I just don't think so.

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- Whatever.

- Fine.

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Hey, don't start judging me.

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You're in love with your assistant.

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You're sleeping with the guy

who keeps pigeons on the roof.

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Phoebe!

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Secret affair.

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People are doing it in front of my book.

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I'm sorry?

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My doctoral dissertation is in the library

at school. I went to see it.

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And there were students making babies

right in the paleontology section.

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Oh, my God.

Did you get to see anything good?

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At your school...

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...was there a place on campus

where students went to fool around?

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Yeah, there was.

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In the corner of the library where all

the books were that nobody ever read.

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Yes, there was.

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Great, because people kept showing up.

I think it's like a thing.

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Hold on a second.

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Fifth floor, against that back wall?

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Oh, for crying out loud!

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- So we should go catch our movie.

- What's the rush?

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I'd like to see the previews.

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The candy.

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- Oh, hey.

RACHEL: Well, look who's here.

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- Hey, Joey.

- Hey, Erin.

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- Hey, Rachel.

- Hi.

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We were about to take off

and see a movie.

00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,420

- Oh, no!

- What's wrong?

00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:11,841

Phoebe, we forgot that party

we have to go to.

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Oh, no.

00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:15,971

What party?

00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,098

A birthday party.

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Whose birthday party?

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Alison's birthday party.

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Oh. And how old is Alison?

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Thirty-two.

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[MUMBLES]

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Wait a minute.

Why don't you guys do something?

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Look how that worked out.

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Excuse me. Hi, I'm a professor here.

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Do you know the paleontology section,

fifth floor, stack 437?

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Well, yes. Just give me five minutes.

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I just have to find someone

to cover my shift.

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No, no, no.

00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,645

Can I speak to someone in charge?

00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:10,567

How can I help?

00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:14,112

Hi, I was wondering, is it possible

to increase security...

00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,281

...in the paleontology section?

00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,199

I wrote a book that's up there.

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And instead of reading it, people are...

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Well, they're rolling around in front of it.

00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:29,085

We are aware of the problem

you're referring to.

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As far as increasing security,

I'm afraid the library's understaffed.

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I can't help you.

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Well, fine.

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If I'm the only person

with any appreciation...

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...of the sanctity of the written word,

then I'll go defend it myself.

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Don't you follow me.

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- Hey.

PHOEBE & RACHEL: Hey.

00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,157

- How did it go with Erin?

- Unbelievable.

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We had the best time.

00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,535

Yay!

00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:06,164

- So you're not mad anymore?

- No, no. You guys were totally right.

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This was much better than the first date.

00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,378

It was awkward. We were both nervous.

00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,673

- Didn't you sleep together?

- Yeah, that calms me down.

00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,677

And we have so much in common.

00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:24,349

She loves sandwiches, sports.

Although she is a Met fan.

00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,060

Not an issue now, but if we had kids...

00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:31,356

Oh, my God! Listen to you talking

about having kids.

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Oh, my Joey.

00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,862

- Please don't get married before I do.

- Oh.

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Oh!

00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:47,372

I just cannot believe

that Clark stood me up.

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He may still show up.

00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,542

What are you, stupid?

00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:55,338

- It's been three hours.

- Is that all?

00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:59,926

Let's go on to happier things.

00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,679

Why don't you tell me

about your lovely wedding?

00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:07,684

There was something that we wanted

to tell you about the wedding.

00:12:07,935 --> 00:12:11,187

It's going to be a small ceremony.

00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,314

Tiny.

00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,152

We're not even sure why we're having it.

00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,905

It's actually going to be just family.

00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:25,577

Oh, wait.

00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,456

You two think of me as family?

00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:36,421

I have to ask you something now,

and be honest.

00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:41,259

Do you want me to sing

"Careless Whisper" or "Lady in Red"?

00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,890

How can you say that?

The Mets have no closer.

00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:50,393

- What about Benitez?

- What about game one of the Series?

00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:53,104

- What about shut up?

- You shut up.

00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,065

I love arguing with her.

00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,401

- Be right back.

- Okay.

00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:01,154

How's it going with Joey?

00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,323

Oh, okay.

00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,949

Okay?

00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:09,162

Tell me that you like him, please.

I mean, tell me that you like him.

00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:13,750

He's a really great guy, and I know

you really want this to work out...

00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,920

...but I just don't see this having a future.

00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,421

What?

00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,342

But you said that you liked him.

What happened?

00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,345

Did you just change your mind?

00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,556

- Kind of.

- Then change it back!

00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:33,394

I'm sorry. It's just there's no real spark.

00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,438

Didn't you sleep together?

00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,065

Yeah.

00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,983

Tramp.

00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,362

Does Joey have any idea?

00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,948

I don't think he does. You know what?

00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,951

Maybe you could tell him

I'm not interested...

00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,119

...in a serious relationship.

00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,790

You mean, like,

that you're kind of a loner?

00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,416

Yeah, that'd be great.

00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:59,504

- And maybe that you're a real stronzo.

- I'm sorry?

00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:03,383

I guess Italian isn't one

of the four languages you speak.

00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,388

- Hey. Want to go?

- Yeah, let's go.

00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,891

- Okay. See you guys later.

- Bye, guys.

00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,811

Hey, thank you so much.

00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,524

Wow.

00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:22,569

I guess it wasn't Cupid

that brought her here.

00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,364

No, just a regular old flying dwarf.

00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:36,040

Yes, yes. How can I help you?

00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,001

We were just looking around.

00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,587

Oh, you're fellow scholars.

00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,256

What exactly were you looking for?

00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,424

Perhaps...

00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,594

Perhaps Dr. Chester Stock's musings...

00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,597

...on the Smilodon californicus?

00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,099

- Uh...

- Uh! Uh!

00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,434

Get out of here!

00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,653

Meeting someone?

00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,573

Or are you just here to brush up...

00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,743

...on Merriam's views on evolution?

00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:16,623

Actually, I find Merriam's views

far too progressionist.

00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:24,547

I find Merriam's views

far too progressionist.

00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,967

I'm sorry. Who are you?

00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,386

I'm a professor here. Ross Geller.

00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,307

Ross Geller?

Why do I know that name? It's a...

00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:35,725

Wait.

00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,022

Did you write this?

00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,399

Yes.

00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:50,490

You're the person

who checked out my book?

00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:56,412

You know, you look nothing

like I would have thought.

00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,331

You're so young.

00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,544

Well, I skipped fourth grade.

00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:15,640

I am very, very sorry.

00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:22,897

- Hey.

PHOEBE: Hey.

00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,148

Hi.

00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:28,236

- So how was your date?

- Great. We walked around the Village.

00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,030

We went to this ice cream place.

Split a milk shake.

00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,949

Seventy-thirty, but still.

00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:37,787

I'm thinking of taking her upstate

to one of those bed-and-breakfasts.

00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,289

Really? She said she wants to go?

00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:45,169

No, it's a surprise. It's gonna be tricky,

because she's busy at work.

00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,671

- Oh.

- Oh.

00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,508

Joey, look, honey, we need to talk, okay?

00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,719

Um...

00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:54,929

I got the feeling from her...

00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:59,600

...that she's not looking

for a serious relationship.

00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,312

- Where are you getting this?

- She told me.

00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,525

She said she's kind of a loner.

00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:14,198

Oh.

00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,369

- Joey...

- Hey, Rach, it's cool, you know.

00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:21,289

I'm a loner too, right?

00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,752

Hey, Joey. You know what?

You are way too good for her.

00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:30,882

I promise, next time I will tell them

you're not looking for a relationship.

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,550

No.

00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,721

No, don't do that. Just...

00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:41,726

- Next time, make sure she likes me.

- Well, that too.

00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,191

Joey?

00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:50,693

JOEY:

Yeah?

00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:53,613

- Do you want some pancakes?

- Finally.

00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,202

What are we gonna do?

00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:01,454

I say we go with "Careless Whisper."

00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:04,707

[KNOCKING]

00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,626

Chandler?

00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,462

Did she see us yet? Did she see us?

00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,344

Janice, what are you doing here?

00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:19,388

I thought I was gonna go back

to my apartment...

00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:24,852

...but I just felt like I really

couldn't be alone tonight.

00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,112

I was just wondering if I could maybe

stay here with you.

00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:37,698

Just I really feel like I need

to be with family.

00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,912

Our kids are gonna call her

Aunt Janice, aren't they?

00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:48,334

Please. Because otherwise,

I really don't know what I might do.

00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,630

Aren't you just a teensy bit curious?

00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:53,881

[CRIES]

00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,634

- You have any tissues?

- Yeah, in the bathroom.

00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,973

We'll just let her stay.

00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:06,602

No. If we let her stay,

she will stay forever.

00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:10,857

- Kind of like your Barcalounger.

- Is that what you're thinking about?

00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,859

I never stop thinking about it.

00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,070

Hey, you guys?

00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,323

Do either one of you want to get

in there before I take my bath?

00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,536

Janice, I'm sorry...

00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:27,123

...but you can't stay here tonight.

00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:28,791

Why not?

00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,585

Honestly?

00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:34,046

Our apartment is a hotbed...

00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,841

...for electromagnetic activity.

00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,679

Monica and I have been immunized,

but sadly...

00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:45,474

...you have not.

00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,561

[LAUGHS]

00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,773

I'm gonna need a comforter.

00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:56,527

Do you have a hypoallergenic one?

Because otherwise I get very nasal.

00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,281

[JANICE GRUNTS]

00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:03,367

Do you have a cat?

Because it's already happening.

00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,785

Eh. Do you hear that? Listen.

00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,370

[GRUNTS]

00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:07,955

[MIMICS JANICE'S GRUNT]

00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,251

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You have to go.

00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:13,461

Why?

00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,799

Because Chandler still has

feelings for you.

00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,554

He does?

00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:25,640

Say again?

00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,684

That's right. That's right.

00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,979

And that is why you can't

stay here tonight.

00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,358

And probably why you shouldn't come

to the wedding.

00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:39,445

Feelings. Such strong feelings.

00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:45,660

I mean, I realize that his feelings

may never completely go away...

00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,912

...but you can.

00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,832

Oh, my God.

00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,711

I understand. I am so sorry.

00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,421

I'll go.

00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,220

Goodbye, Monica.

00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:08,516

I wish you a lifetime

of happiness with him.

00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:09,767

Chandler.

00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,063

You call me when this goes

in the pooper.

00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,287

I've got this section covered.

00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:32,498

Yeah, in fact, I've got this baby

to shine in people's eyes.

00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,375

Okay, see you later.

00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,971

I just wanted to show Monica your book.

00:21:52,602 --> 00:21:54,603

[English - US - SDH]