Эпизод с наградой Джоуи

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- I just got off the phone with my agent...

- Oh, my God!

00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,970

- I'm sorry. Too soon. You go.

JOEY: Okay.

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I got nominated for my part

on Days of Our Lives!

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PHOEBE: Oh, Joey, good for you!

MONICA: Congratulations!

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- I can't believe you're nominated for an Emmy!

- No, no.

00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:26,775

- Soap Opera Digest Award?

- Nope, I'm up for a "Soapie."

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Honey, is that something you're making up?

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No, no, no, it's real!

And it has been since 1998.

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Hey, Rach, Rach. I'm up for a Soapie!

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[GASPS]

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Oh, my God!

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Oh, my God! That is the third most

prestigious soap opera award there is!

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Thank you! Well, I guess now we know

who I'm taking to the awards.

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Oh, stop that! Don't kid about that!

Will all the stars be there?

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Many are scheduled to appear.

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Oh, my God.

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- Oh, my God. I can't go. I'll be too nervous!

- Okay, I'll go.

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No! You are getting married.

This is all I have.

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And Ernest Muhlbrat first hypothesized

that the velociraptor, when threatened...

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...would expand its collar

and emit a high-pitched noise...

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...to frighten off its predator.

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Yes, Mr. Lewis?

00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,121

What kind of noise?

00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:06,917

Just a high-pitched, intimidating noise.

00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,378

But like how?

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Well, we... We don't know for sure.

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But in my head,

it sounded something like this, uh:

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[SHRIEKING]

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Of course, this is just conjecture.

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Ahem, okay. That's, uh...

That's all for today.

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Mr. Morse, can I see you for a moment?

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Yes, sir?

00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:51,795

Mr. Morse, I need to talk to you

about your midterm exam.

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- I'm afraid I had to fail you.

- Why?

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Well, you need 60 percent to pass.

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- What'd I get?

- Seven.

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That's not so good.

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No, no, it's not. What happened there, Ned?

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Well, maybe you can cut me some slack.

I'm sort of in love.

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I'm sorry, but that's really not my problem.

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I'm in love with you.

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Well, that brings me in the loop a little.

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See, that's why I did so bad on this test.

I'm having a hard time concentrating.

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When you're up there and you're teaching...

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...and your face gets all serious...

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...you look so good. When you wear

that tight little turtleneck sweater...

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Okay. Ned, um...

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I, uh... Ha, ha.

I'm your teacher. I'm sorry.

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You're... You're a student.

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And I... And I like women, ha, ha.

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In spite of what may be written

on the backs of some of these chairs.

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Oh, my God.

00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,327

That guy at the counter

is totally checking you out.

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Really?

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- Oh, my God, he's really cute.

- Heh. Go for it.

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Phoebe, I'm engaged.

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I'm just saying, get his number,

just in case.

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But if Chandler is in an accident

and can't perform sexually, you know...

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...then he would want you to take a lover

to satisfy the needs he can no longer fulfill.

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- Hi. I...

- Oh.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Can I just tell you something? Um...

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I'm very flattered,

but, uh, I'm engaged. Ha, ha.

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Wow, uh... This is kind of embarrassing.

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I was actually coming over

to talk to your friend.

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Well, you should be embarrassed.

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- I thought you knew I was looking at you.

- I did, but that was really fun.

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JOEY [IN DEEP VOICE]:

"The winner is Joey Tribbiani!"

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[GASPS]

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[IN NORMAL VOICE]

"Oh, wow.

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I honestly never expected this. I, uh...

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I didn't prepare a speech.

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But I'd like to thank my parents,

who've always been there for me.

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Also like to thank my friends,

Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel..."

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- I'm fourth?

- Jeez!

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Look at you with your

little maple syrup award!

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Maybe you don't tell anyone

about this.

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What? No.

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It's not a big deal.

I do that too, with my shampoo bottle.

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- Really?

- Yeah.

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- What award are you practicing for?

- Grammy.

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- Best New Artist.

- Ooh.

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Oh, hey, listen. The Soapies people called

today. I also get to present an award.

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- Aw, that's great.

- Yeah.

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So you'll get on stage even if you don't win.

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- You... You don't think I'm gonna win?

- Of course I do.

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Oh.

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But, you know, Favorite Returning Character

is a tough category, Joey.

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I mean, you're up against the guy

who survived his own cremation.

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Yeah. No, I know I might not win.

But it's just...

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I've never even been nominated before.

I want it so much.

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Well, and you'll probably get it.

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But you should probably start practicing

your "gracious-loser" face.

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Like, when the cameras are on you

and you wanna look disappointed...

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...but also that your colleague

deserved to win. Sort of like:

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[GASPS]

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- Hey.

- You know?

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- You practice losing at the Grammys too?

- Oh, no, at the Grammys, I always win.

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Ah.

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- Oh, hey.

- Hey. How'd your date go with Jake?

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Great. We couldn't keep our eyes

off each other all night.

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Then every once in a while, he'd lean over

and stroke my hair, and then touch my neck.

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Okay, stop it. You're getting me all tingly.

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[PHOEBE LAUGHS]

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All I could think of was,

"Is he gonna kiss me? Is he?"

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- And did he?

- I'm a lady, Monica. I don't kiss and tell.

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But this hickey speaks for itself.

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Okay, okay, I got it. I got it.

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I just like him so much that

I just feel like I've had 10 drinks today.

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And I've only had six.

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Oh. You know, I haven't had that feeling

since I first starting going out with Chandler.

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- Wow, I'm never gonna have that feeling again.

- You sound like a guy.

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Heh. No, a guy would say, "I'm never gonna

get to sleep with anyone else." Heh.

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Oh, my God.

I'm never gonna sleep with anyone else!

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I've been so busy planning the wedding,

I forgot about all the things I'd be giving up.

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I mean, I'm never gonna

have a first kiss again.

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You'll have a last kiss.

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Can I ask you something? You ever

had a guy have a crush on you?

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Is that why you wanted to tie my tie?

00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:06,818

There's this kid in my class

who said he's in love with me.

00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,069

- Whoa!

ROSS: Yeah.

00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:10,780

- Whoa, what?

- Ross has a boyfriend.

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I do... I do not have a boyfriend.

00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:17,913

There's a guy in one of my classes

who has a crush on me.

00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,706

- Really?

- Yeah. I don't know.

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I mean, last year, Elizabeth, now this kid...

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What... What... What is it?

Am I giving out some kind of...

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...a sexy-professor vibe?

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Not right now.

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The point is, my natural charisma

has made him fail his midterm.

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Aw, see now I feel bad for the kid.

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I had a crush on a teacher once,

and it was so hard, you know.

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I couldn't concentrate and

I blushed every time he looked at me.

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Come on, you remember what it's like

to be 19 and in love.

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- Yeah, guess I can cut him some slack.

RACHEL: Yeah.

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- How'd you get over that teacher?

- I didn't.

00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,000

I got under him.

00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,711

Problem solved.

00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,801

- Bye, Phoebe.

- Okay, bye.

00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:22,060

- All right. Bye.

- Bye.

00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,399

[SIGHS]

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We said goodbye at the door

so as not to flaunt our new love.

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Phoebe, it's okay.

You don't have to tiptoe around me.

00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,951

I've been thinking about it, and um...

You know what?

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I'm okay about not having

that new-relationship feeling.

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- I miss you already!

- I miss you too!

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See, that's what I mean. That's great,

but I wouldn't trade in what I have for that.

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I mean, I'm gonna be with Chandler

for the rest of my life.

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- That's what makes me happy.

- Mm-hm.

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Hey, sweetie, come here, sit down. We

were talking about how our relationship is...

00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:05,478

...deep and meaningful.

It really is, don't you think?

00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:06,980

Oh, totally.

00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,274

Pull my finger.

00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:18,450

ANNOUNCER: Presenting the award

for Favorite Returning Male...

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This is it. This is my category!

00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,245

- Got your speech?

- Got my speech.

00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,039

- Got your gracious-loser face?

- Yep.

00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,252

Now, Joey, remember,

if you win, you have to hug me.

00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:32,047

Okay. Can I squeeze your ass?

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- On TV?

- Yeah.

00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,302

- Yeah.

- Okay.

00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:41,014

In the category of Favorite Returning

Male Character, the nominees are:

00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:43,141

John Wheeler from General Hospital.

00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,602

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,481

Gavin Graham from

The Young and the Restless.

00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:53,276

Duncan Harrington from Passions.

00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:57,405

And Joey Tribbiani

from Days of Our Lives.

00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:01,326

And the Soapie goes to:

00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,913

Gavin Graham from

The Young and the Restless.

00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,248

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:20,553

ANNOUNCER: Presenting

the Favorite Supporting Actress award:

00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,223

Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives.

00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,141

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:34,526

Any one of the brilliant actresses

nominated for this award tonight...

00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:38,321

...deserves to take it home.

Unfortunately, only one can.

00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,532

[SCOFFS]

00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,077

The nominees for

Favorite Supporting Actress are:

00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,913

From Passions, Erin Goff.

00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,378

From One Life to Live,

Mary Lauren Bishop.

00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,797

From All My Children, Sarah Renee.

00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:58,967

And from Days of Our Lives,

Jessica Ashley.

00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,428

And the winner is:

00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,264

Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives.

00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,852

Uh, unfortunately, Jessica

couldn't be with us tonight...

00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:12,814

...so I'll be accepting this award

on her behalf.

00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,362

And I'm sure that Jessica...

00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,614

...would like to thank my parents...

00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,867

...who always believed in me.

00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:26,369

And she'd also like to thank my friends:

00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:30,915

Chandler, Monica, Ross,

Phoebe and Rachel...

00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,251

...who's sitting right there.

00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,337

[UPBEAT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING]

00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,640

Joey, why did we have to

rush out of there so fast?

00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,851

We had to get out of there because...

00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,187

Look what I won! Ha-ha-ha.

00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:57,233

Oh, my God. You stole her award.

00:12:57,401 --> 00:13:01,029

No, no, no.

I'm accepting it on her behalf.

00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,238

[RACHEL SCOFFS]

00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,616

I don't think you know what "behalf" means.

00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:08,953

Sure I do. It's a verb. As in "I be half-in' it"!

00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:12,081

Joey...

00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:17,587

- You have got to take this back.

- Why? I should've won one. I really wanted it.

00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:22,258

She didn't even care enough to come

to the thing. It could also be a Grammy.

00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:27,138

No, Joey.

00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:31,142

Come on, Rach. No one saw me take it.

There was a whole table full of them.

00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,853

Do you really want an award

that you didn't win?

00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:37,816

No, I want an award I did win.

But nobody's given me any of those!

00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:43,238

Plus, look, hey, Rach. If I put it up,

when people come over, they'll see it...

00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,989

...and they'll think I won it.

00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:48,034

Joey, it says "Best Supporting Actress."

00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:50,703

I can scratch that right off.

00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,290

Joey, no, this is wrong.

You have to take it back.

00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:59,462

Okay? You don't wanna win an award

this way. You're very talented.

00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:04,509

And someday you're gonna win one of these

for real and that one is gonna mean something.

00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,639

- Oh, all right.

- All right? Thank you.

00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:10,890

[JOEY SIGHS]

00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,185

- I'll take it back tomorrow.

- Thank you.

00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,991

- If I can't have it, you can't have it!

- Aah!

00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:38,501

- Professor Geller?

- Yes, Mr. Lewis? How can I help you?

00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,754

I know I didn't do well

on my midterms and stuff...

00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:45,466

...but I was kind of hoping

you could change my grade.

00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,136

And why exactly would I do that?

00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,513

Because I'm in love with you.

00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,059

What?

00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:59,188

Yeah. I'm all in love with you and stuff.

00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,861

- So could you change my grade?

- No!

00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,280

Well, why not? You changed Ned's grade.

00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:11,618

Well, that's different, okay?

Because he was actually in love with me.

00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:15,038

No, he's not!

He's totally yanking your chain.

00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,665

He's done this with three other teachers.

00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,711

- What?

- He's got a girlfriend.

00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,549

I can't believe someone

would do that for a grade.

00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,092

I know.

00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,510

It's awful.

00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:32,722

I love you.

00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,811

- Have you seen Chandler?

- No, why?

00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:42,190

I just keep thinking about

all these things I'm not gonna have...

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,234

...and it's freaking me out.

I don't know what to do about it.

00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:46,778

Okay. Don't sweat it.

00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:51,574

Chandler is nowhere around, so get it

out of your system. That guy's cute.

00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,911

Phoebe, come on, I'm serious.

00:15:56,580 --> 00:16:00,541

- I've just gotta talk to him about all this.

- That is the last thing you wanna do.

00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:04,545

- Why?

- Because you're marrying him!

00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:07,548

You gotta help me out here, Pheebs.

00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:11,094

All right, I've never been engaged

and I've never really been married.

00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:13,930

But I can only tell you

what my mother told me.

00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:18,351

Whenever you have doubts or fears

or anxieties about a relationship...

00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,270

...do not communicate them

to your husband.

00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,609

So I'm not supposed to share

my doubts and fears...

00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,278

...with the guy I'm spending

the rest of my life with?

00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,572

That is correct. Yes.

00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:35,284

You're supposed to put all that stuff

in a little box in your mind...

00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,203

...and then lock it up tight.

00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,956

- Your mother told you this?

- Yes.

00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:44,085

The woman that got married a bunch of times

and killed herself when you were 13?

00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,588

Oh, my God, you're right.

00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,758

All right, go. Go tell Chandler.

Hurry, before it's too late!

00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:55,596

Wait, no! Does this also mean

that putting out doesn't get you love?

00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,480

- I can't believe I'm gonna meet Jessica Ashley!

- Wait, wait.

00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,859

Please be cool, okay?

I work with this woman.

00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,028

- Okay, I'm totally cool.

- Okay.

00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,530

JESSICA:

Come in.

00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:14,782

Hey, Jessica.

00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,868

Hey, Jess.

00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,619

This is my friend Rachel.

00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:21,372

- Hi.

- What's up?

00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,378

Uh, listen, here's your Soapie.

I accepted it for you.

00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:31,549

Oh, my God. I won?

Do you have any idea what this means?

00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:38,139

That's it. You're not gonna put it

on your shelf or anything?

00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:43,227

No, I try to save that for real awards.

Now if you'll excuse me?

00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:45,730

JOEY:

Hm!

00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,106

- Take it back?

- Absolutely.

00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,608

Yep.

00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,114

Yeah, you do.

00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,495

- Honey? As we get closer to the wedding...

- Hm?

00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,247

...is there anything you'd like to

talk about or share?

00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:07,418

Okay. Well, I think the centerpieces

are too big.

00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,837

You're wrong. The centerpieces are fine.

00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,094

- Do you ever get scared at all?

- Kind of. They're really big.

00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:23,226

Doesn't it ever freak you out that you're

never gonna be with anybody new again?

00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,061

What?

00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:26,604

Just...

00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,398

I love you so much. Just...

00:18:29,566 --> 00:18:33,277

It's just sometimes it bothers me

that I'm never gonna have that feeling.

00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:35,738

When you first meet someone

for the first time...

00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:39,450

...and it's new and exciting.

You know that rush?

00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,536

No.

00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,247

No, see, when I first meet somebody...

00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:49,669

...it's mostly panic, anxiety

and a great deal of sweating.

00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,256

Okay, but... All right, you're a guy.

00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:57,426

Does it not freak you out that you're

never gonna sleep with anybody else?

00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,138

Sleeping with somebody, no.

00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:04,433

Anxiety, panic and

I'm afraid even more sweating.

00:19:05,769 --> 00:19:06,978

Even with me?

00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,399

I was dangerously dehydrated during

the first six months of our relationship.

00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:18,322

Look, for me the rush is knowing that we

are gonna be together for the rest of our lives.

00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,742

- Really?

- Well, yeah.

00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:27,248

Knowing you're having these thoughts,

we're back to panic, anxiety and, uh...

00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:30,293

...I'm definitely gonna need

some kind of sports drink.

00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,461

Come here.

00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:36,215

Come here.

Oh, sweetie, you don't have to worry.

00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:41,137

No. Besides, you know what?

I'm gonna have a lot of new things with you.

00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:45,850

The first time we buy a house,

our first kid, our first grandkid.

00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:48,477

Water. Water. Water.

00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,441

Uh, Mr. Morse?

Can I speak to you for a moment?

00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,363

That was a great lecture today.

00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:00,823

- Did you get a haircut?

- Mm-hm.

00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,619

Yeah, yeah. Do you like it?

Do you love it?

00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:09,040

I want you to know that

I'm changing your grade back.

00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,667

What? Why?

00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,588

Because I know what you're trying

to pull here. It's not gonna work.

00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:20,426

I'm not trying to pull anything.

Look, I love you, dude.

00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:25,431

You know what, I'm not even gonna talk

about this. This little "thing" is over.

00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:30,561

I know you have a girlfriend. Yeah.

And I know about the other professors.

00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:34,357

How do you think that makes me feel, Ned?

You used me!

00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,817

You don't love me and you never did!

00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,740

Ah, Professor Winston.

Professor Frederickson.

00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:47,286

I'll be right with you.

00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,498

Don't make this worse

and I'll give you a C. Shall we?

00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:58,089

Rach?

00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,509

RACHEL: I'll be out in a second.

- Hm.

00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,890

"It's just so unexpected! I...

00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,725

Ha-ha-ha.

00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,730

I'll tell you, it's just such an honor

to just be nominated...

00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,817

...for a Nobel Prize.

00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:23,572

And, you know, to win one

for a massage! Oh...

00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:27,660

Especially after having just won

a Tony Award for Best Actress..."

00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:29,745

We have to go.

Our reservations are at 8.

00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:33,499

"...in Reservations at Eight

by Neil Simon.

00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:37,545

Thank you, Neil.

Thank you for the words."

00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,840

You can finish this later.

We're gonna be late. We gotta go.

00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:43,342

Please don't play the music.

Just one more thing.

00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:44,552

Okay.

00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,681

"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:54,895

[English - US - SDH]