Эпизод, в котором Рэйчел рассказывает…

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[SINGING] Bermuda, Bahama

Come on, pretty mama

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Get it out of your system

while we're alone.

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- We came to say goodbye.

- Have a great honeymoon.

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- Thanks.

- I'll go pack.

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I already packed. The only thing

I couldn't find, though, was your Speedo.

00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:31,113

Speedo? Uh, I don't have a Speedo.

00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:35,826

I'm gonna go pack

my regular, long bathing suit.

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Good, you're still here. I wanted

to tell you to have a good honeymoon.

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Oh, thank you.

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And I wanted you guys to know

that I am telling the father today.

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What? What? What?

00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:58,432

- We know it's Ross.

- How? How do you know?

00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:01,643

It was his sweater. But, oh, my God!

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I so wanted Ross to know first.

But I'm so relieved that you guys know.

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- That's so great. I'll be your baby's aunt!

- I know.

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- Me too!

- I'm gonna be an uncle! Come here.

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- You'll all be aunts and uncles.

- But I'm the only one related by blood.

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Okay, great. Now that you all know,

you can give me advice on how to tell Ross.

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What were you gonna say?

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That I'm gonna have the baby,

and he can be as involved as he wants.

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Well, that sounds good.

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Yeah, but how do I start?

What's the first thing that I say?

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- Okay, great. Thanks.

- Hey, good luck.

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PHOEBE:

Yeah, bye.

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What was that all about?

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Well, I guess no harm in telling you now.

Rachel and Ross are having a baby.

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[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] What? I didn't

even know! Why didn't you tell me?

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Why am I talking like this?

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I didn't think

you could keep it a secret.

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[IN NORMAL VOICE] What? I'm an excellent

secret-keeper. I've kept all our secrets.

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- What secrets?

- No, no, Joey.

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I'm not gonna tell you because

I am an excellent secret-keeper.

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- Psst. You'll tell me later?

- You already know.

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It's so romantic to send people off

on their honeymoon.

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You know, Monica and Chandler are married.

Ross and Rachel are having a baby.

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- Maybe you and I should do something.

- All in good time, my love. All in good time.

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Oh, shoot. I left my guitar in their apartment.

You can let me in later, right?

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No, I don't have a key.

They took mine to give to you.

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- What? They took mine to give to you.

- Why would they take away our keys?

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Maybe they don't trust us.

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They let me keep my key

the last time they were out of town.

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You mean the time

you broke the ketchup bottle...

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...and cleaned it up

with Monica's guest towels?

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- I washed those.

- No, you didn't.

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Yeah, that didn't sound like me.

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- What am I gonna do? I really need my guitar.

- I have stuff in there too.

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- What stuff?

- Monica's chicken parm. I'll take care of this.

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Mr. Treeger? It's Joey Tribbiani.

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I need to get into Monica

and Chandler's apartment. It's an emergency.

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Uh... Uh... Gas leak.

Oh, and bring garlic bread.

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- Hey.

- Hey.

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- Did Rachel find you?

- No, why?

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- She was looking for you.

- Well, I guess I'll catch up with her later.

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- She really wanted to talk to you now.

- Yeah, it seemed pretty important.

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- Oh, no.

PHOEBE: What?

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I think I might know

what this is about.

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Really?

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Yeah. We promised we weren't

gonna tell anybody this...

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...but a month ago,

Rachel and I slept together.

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And?

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- Wow, I thought you'd be more shocked.

- Oh, sorry. And?

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Well, we said we'd just

do it that one time...

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...but now I think she may

wanna start things up again.

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Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.

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- Why? What else could it be?

- Oh, wow, I don't feel well.

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I'm telling you, I'm telling you,

that's what it is.

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No wonder she was looking

at me all funny during the wedding.

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She didn't say anything to you?

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- Maybe it's something you ate.

- It could've been...

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- Please, just go and talk to Rachel.

- Yeah, I guess I should.

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Man, you know what I have to realize?

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Maybe I'm not the type of guy

women can have just one night with.

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They always seem to want

a little bit more.

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I should remember that.

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CLERK:

Next.

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- They're kissing. Let's go around them.

- Leave them alone. They're in love.

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I'm in love too.

But in an orderly fashion.

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- Next.

- Hi. Can you do that and walk?

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Because she said, "Next."

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Sorry, we didn't hear you.

We're on our honeymoon.

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Aw. Let me see what I can do.

There are some first-class seats available.

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They bumped them up to first class

because they're on their honeymoon.

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Let's act like we're on our honeymoon.

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We are on our honeymoon.

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- Grab my ass.

- Next.

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Sorry, I almost didn't hear you because

I'm so in love with my new husband.

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- We're on our honeymoon.

- Congratulations.

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Mr. Bing, you'll be in 25J,

and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K.

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We're on our honeymoon, so can you do

your little thing, bump us up to first class?

00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,982

I'm sorry, all the first-class seats are taken.

That couple got the last two.

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If we'd gone around them like I said,

she'd have given us those tickets. Damn it.

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25J and K, any chance

those aren't together?

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I still can't believe they took away my key.

You trust me with yours.

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Of course I do.

And I'll give it back to you...

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...as soon as they're done with it

at the key-shining place.

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[LOUD BANGING]

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What the hell is that?

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- Whoa, whoa. Treeger, what are you doing?

- You said there was a gas leak in here.

00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:59,478

- Why don't you use your key?

- I won't find it before the place explodes.

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If that happens at another building

I manage, people will start asking questions.

00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,317

Come on, hurry up.

00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:06,985

Oh!

00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:11,031

We could have done that.

00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:16,536

Look at that. They're going into

the first-class lounge.

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- Do you know what they have in there?

- No.

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Me neither. We have to get in!

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- Just act like you belong.

- Oh, my God! Oranges!

00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,923

Shh!

00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:34,179

- Nice to see you again.

- Sir, may I see your tickets, please?

00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,056

Yes, of course.

00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,768

Would you move your thumb.

I can't see the seat number.

00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:43,813

That's all right.

I have it memorized. It's 1A.

00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:49,653

- Sir, this isn't a first-class ticket. I'm sorry.

- Apology accepted. Excuse us.

00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:54,616

Sir, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to ask you to leave.

00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,826

Fine.

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Go, go, go!

00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,386

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:15,762

Hi.

00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:20,141

I think there's something that

we really need to talk about.

00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:24,980

I think we do.

Why don't we go inside.

00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,485

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:35,323

- Look, I know why you're here.

- You do?

00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:41,621

Yeah, and to save you from any

embarrassment, I think I should talk first.

00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,707

- Okay.

- Okay.

00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:45,292

Here.

00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:58,847

Ross and Rachel.

Rachel and Ross. Heh.

00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,852

It's been one heck of a seesaw,

hasn't it?

00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:05,895

What?

00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:12,819

I mean, look, that one night we had

was fun and certainly passionate.

00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,781

But don't you think it's better

if we just stay friends?

00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,827

Seriously, what?

00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:25,582

Okay, okay. You know what?

00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:29,711

If you want to,

we can do it one more time.

00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:38,094

I'd be okay with that.

In fact, I have some time right now.

00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,641

- You know what? Ahem. Can I talk now?

- Oh, sure.

00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,982

I'm pregnant.

00:10:55,071 --> 00:11:03,078

Ross?

00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,665

Okay, whenever you're ready.

00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:17,258

And you're the father, by the way.

But you're good.

00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:33,483

- Can I get you some water?

- I'm good, I'm good.

00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:40,115

Ross, there is no pressure on you. Okay?

You can be as involved as you want.

00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:49,916

Yeah, I, uh... I'm just, I don't know.

I don't understand...

00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,878

...how this happened.

00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,300

- We used a condom.

- I know.

00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:04,556

But you know, condoms only work,

like, 97 percent of the time.

00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:07,016

What? What?

00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,979

What?

00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:15,650

Well, they should put that on the box!

00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:20,572

- They do.

- No, they don't!

00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:30,749

Well, they should put it

in huge block letters!

00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:36,588

- Let's just forget about the condoms.

- Well, I may as well have!

00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:44,804

- Listen, I was really freaked out too when...

- Freaked out? No, I'm not freaked out.

00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:48,475

I'm indignant as a consumer!

00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:53,688

- You know what? Let's talk later.

- No. No, I wanna talk now.

00:12:53,898 --> 00:13:00,737

In fact, I wanna talk to

the president of the condom company.

00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:04,157

- Okay, maybe I should come back...

- Shh!

00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:07,494

Yeah, I'll press one!

00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:16,669

- I looked everywhere. There's no gas leak.

- So now I can heat this up?

00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,464

Anyway, I'll get moving on that new door.

00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:24,636

Great. And could you do us a favor and

not tell Chandler and Monica about this?

00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:28,306

Because, you know,

they don't have any kids of their own...

00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,935

...and this door was

like a child to them.

00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,355

I have to put on a new lock.

They'll find out anyway.

00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,065

Oh, no.

00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:43,029

This looks like an all-day job.

I'll have to cancel my yoga class.

00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:44,531

- Hey, Ross.

- Hey.

00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,699

Could you tell Jasmine

I can't make it to yoga?

00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:47,992

Sure.

00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,869

[BOTH SPEAKING HINDl]

00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:57,752

- My God. What happened to the door?

- So it's noticeable, huh?

00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:01,548

- Is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.

- Didn't you two already talk?

00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,008

Yeah, but...

00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:09,180

Okay, look. You guys know Rachel and I slept

together, but there's something else.

00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,351

Rachel's pregnant.

00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,980

- Holy mother of God!

- Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:24,279

- With my child.

- That is brand-new information!

00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:32,203

- You already know, don't you?

- A little bit.

00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:36,165

- How you doing?

- Okay. Okay. I mean, I'll be okay.

00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,835

It's just I don't think

I handled it very well.

00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,170

- What did you say to her?

- Nothing.

00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:46,134

But the complaint department

at the condom company got an earful.

00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,136

Then when I turned around,

she was gone.

00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,762

Oh, Ross.

00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:55,184

But in my defense, I found out

that condoms are only 97 percent effective.

00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,062

- What?

- I gotta go find her.

00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:04,944

Hold on! Are you serious? So, like,

3 percent of the time they don't even work?

00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:08,781

Huh? They should put that on the box!

00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,577

- Evidently, they do.

- What?

00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:25,381

- I can't believe we're here.

- You've gotta be kidding.

00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,091

What?

00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:32,722

As a wedding gift to you, the hotel would

like to give you the Honeymoon Suite.

00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:36,392

No! You have been screwing us all day!

00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:40,688

- Who are you?

- We're you. Just 10 seconds later!

00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:46,235

You already got the first-class tickets,

the lounge. We should get free stuff too!

00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,530

You're not the only ones

on your honeymoon!

00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:54,994

You can have the suite, if you want.

We don't care about where we stay.

00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:59,582

We're here to celebrate our love for

each other. We don't have to get free stuff.

00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,043

We just want to be together.

00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:06,673

We need the stuff.

00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:13,471

Hey, Monica, it's Joey. Phoebe and I

smell gas coming from your apartment.

00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:18,768

- Are you serious? Joey smells gas.

- What else is new?

00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:23,773

- We'd check it out, but you took our keys.

- Do something. Get in there!

00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:28,361

- How? I guess I could break down your door.

- Yeah, do that.

00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:31,823

- You won't blame us for any damage?

- No.

00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:38,538

- Are you doing it? I can't hear anything.

- Okay, I'll break it down.

00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:46,421

He's doing it,

he's breaking down the door.

00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,551

Okay, we're in.

00:16:55,597 --> 00:17:00,560

- Rachel, are you comfortable?

- If I said I was, would you judge me?

00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,146

The doctor will be here soon

to do your sonogram.

00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,564

Okay.

00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:13,156

Oh, man, I swear, if they sold

these at Pottery Barn...

00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,449

[KNOCKING]

00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:16,409

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,327

We need to talk.

00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:22,582

Right now? I kind of got an alfresco

situation going on over here.

00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:27,962

Please. Please, I want to apologize

for the way I acted earlier today.

00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:31,924

- That's fine. Can you stay up near my head?

- Yeah, sorry.

00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:37,847

I went crazy. I was thinking about myself

when I should've been thinking about you.

00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,308

- Head, Ross. Head, Ross. Head, Ross.

- Right.

00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:45,021

I want you to know that I'll be

there through this whole thing. Okay?

00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:50,318

The doctor's appointments, Lamaze classes,

baby-proofing the apartment.

00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:54,072

- We can do that after we get married.

- Married?

00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:55,948

Yeah, we should get married.

00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:59,118

Because that's your answer

to everything?

00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,082

No, because that's the right thing to do.

00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:09,879

Yeah, maybe, if you're in love.

But, Ross, we are not in love, are we?

00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:15,676

No, but still, I mean,

you can't possibly do this alone.

00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,386

Excuse me?

00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:22,350

Come on, you can't even eat alone

in a restaurant.

00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,061

- What?

- I'm saying if you can't eat by yourself...

00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,188

...how can you have a baby by yourself?

00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,942

- I can too eat by myself.

- When have you ever?

00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:35,822

When certain people leave the table

and I am not finished!

00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:39,492

Well, certain other people take two hours

to eat a bowl of soup.

00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:41,953

Please, you inhale your food.

00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,456

I grew up with Monica. If you

didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!

00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,878

Am I interrupting?

00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,674

No, Dr. Long, please come in.

This is Ross, he's the father.

00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:58,928

But not the husband,

because she can do this alone.

00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,307

Nice to meet you.

I'll get started on this.

00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:10,398

- Why can't you admit you need me?

- I need you. I need you to stay near my head!

00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:16,904

Okay. Everything looks good.

Here it is on the screen.

00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,949

There's your uterus...

00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:24,245

...and right here is your baby.

00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:28,332

Oh, my God.

00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,418

Wow.

00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:34,213

There it is, I see it.

00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:38,384

Congratulations.

I'll give you two a minute.

00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:40,761

Thank you.

00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,267

[SOBS]

00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,062

Pretty amazing, huh?

00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,899

I don't see it!

00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:05,077

- What? What?

- I can't see it.

00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:08,623

- You just said that you did.

- I know, I lied.

00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:12,877

I didn't want her to think I was a terrible

mother. I can't even see my own baby.

00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:19,050

Come here. Sure you can.

Come here. Look, it's right there.

00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,054

Oh.

00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,016

Oh, it's beautiful.

00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:30,144

I see it now.

00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,732

- Do you really?

- No, I don't see it!

00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:37,610

Okay, come on. Come on.

All right. Okay. Okay.

00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:43,199

You see this tiny thing

that looks like a peanut?

00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,076

Yeah.

00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,787

Sweetie, that's it.

00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:52,541

That's it? Well, I saw that.

00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,712

Oh.

00:20:57,881 --> 00:21:01,175

- Oh, thank you.

- You're welcome.

00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:08,849

Wow, I can't believe that's our baby.

00:21:11,645 --> 00:21:14,730

Yeah, that's our baby.

00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,491

- Hi.

- Hey.

00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:29,245

- So how was the doctor?

- Everything went great.

00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:32,873

- Good.

- Hey, show them the picture of your uterus.

00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,211

PHOEBE:

Aw.

00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:40,673

I don't see the baby. Where is it?

00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:45,511

I know, I couldn't see it either

at first. But it's right, um...

00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:48,347

Ross, I lost it again.

00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:55,855

[English - US - SDH]