Эпизод с видеокассетой

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And I had a great time

on our honeymoon.

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I can't wait to go in there and spend

the rest of our life together.

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You're sticking with

the shell necklace, huh?

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[DOOR OPENS]

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- Hey, you're back! Woo-hoo!

- Yay!

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[ALL CHATTERING]

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- Come on in!

- Yeah, come on!

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[PHOEBE LAUGHING]

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How was the honeymoon?

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So much fun. The best part is, we met

this incredible couple on the flight back.

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That was the best part?

Good honeymooning, tiger.

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They're cool.

They were on their honeymoon too.

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They're terrific. They live here in the city.

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Can we go call them? Is it too soon to call?

I wanna call.

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Sorry, we're excited. We finally

have a couple to hang out with.

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A couple? Like two people?

Like one, two people?

00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,730

This is different.

Greg and Jenny are in a relationship.

00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,233

Ugh, Greg and Jenny. Ugh!

"Hi, Greg. I'm Chandler. This is Monica."

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"Hi, Monica. This is Jenny."

"Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg."

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[MUTTERS]

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- Listen, they're great. If you got a chance...

- You know what?

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Why don't you give us our souvenirs

and get the hell out of here.

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- We didn't get a chance to...

- You've got to be kidding me!

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- We didn't get anything for anyone.

- Mm-hm, yeah. Nice necklace.

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That you can have.

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- Hi.

MONICA: Hey!

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- Hello!

- Welcome home.

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So, how was the honeymoon?

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Great! How about you?

I mean, you're having a baby!

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- Oh, look, I have a sonogram picture.

- Oh, good.

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Ross, it's got your wavy, black lines.

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So now that Ross knows,

can you tell us how it happened?

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When did it happen?

How many times did it happen?

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- Monica, that's not right.

- What?

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Start with where.

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Well, it happened about six weeks ago.

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And, uh, I had just got home from work

and Ross was already there.

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- I guess he'd been hanging out with Joey.

- You're welcome, buddy.

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Yeah, thanks.

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And so I had a lot of work, and Ross,

nice guy that he is, offered to help me out.

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And then we had wine,

we got to talking.

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Next thing you know,

out of nowhere Ross comes on to me.

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Um, heh. That's...

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That's a little misleading.

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- What is?

- The lie you just told.

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- That you came on to me?

- There's the one!

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- But you did. Let's be honest.

- Yes, let's.

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You know what? Uh, it's not important.

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Heh, what's important is

that we're having a baby.

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It doesn't matter who came on to who.

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"Whom."

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That's right.

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- You kissed me first.

- What? You were begging me to kiss you!

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You were sending me signals

all over the place.

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- I was sending signals? Please.

- Yeah.

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Okay, anyone think that

I'd actually send Ross begging signals?

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Please, show of hands.

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It doesn't matter what people "believe."

What matters is what happened.

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These signals, explain this.

Maybe I need to be more careful.

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Am I you sending these signals

right now?

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- You know what? Just drop it.

- Show me how I begged you.

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I can show you!

I have it on videotape.

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It's an expression.

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I can't believe he taped

the two of them having sex.

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Yeah. You gotta tell a girl

before you tape her.

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Such a rookie mistake.

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- Know who has a great camera?

- Greg and Jenny?

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- Do you want to call them? I want to.

- Let's call.

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Ask them if they brought

their friends souvenirs.

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Hello? 8th Street Deli?

00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:10,726

Hey, hang up. You get food poisoning

just talking to that place.

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- Sorry, wrong number.

- Here you go, babe.

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Hello? It's the deli again!

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All right, I'll have a sandwich.

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I don't think this number's right.

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[CHUCKLING]

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- What?

- You got fake-numbered.

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- What? People don't do that.

- Oh, I think we do.

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- A fake number? Why would they do that?

- I don't know.

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You were a delight to talk to.

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You asked those insightful,

great questions.

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And you've never been funnier.

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I mean, joke, joke, joke!

You were a hoot!

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Don't worry about it.

You still got me and Phoebe.

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Excuse me, I don't want

Greg and Jenny's rejects.

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Rachel won't talk to me.

She won't open the door.

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Hmm, I wonder why, pervert.

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Okay, listen, I am not a pervert.

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That's, like, the pervert motto.

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Yeah, they have you

raise your right hand...

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...put your left hand down your pants

and repeat that.

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Filming Rachel was not

something I planned.

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Look, here's what happened.

And Joey can back me up on this.

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About a month and a half ago,

remember I came to you with a problem?

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Um, a...

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The personal thing?

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- Pers...? What personal thing?

- About... About sex?

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That I hadn't had sex in months?

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Yeah, I knew what

you were talking about.

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- Hey.

- Hey.

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Do you have a minute?

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I'd like to talk about something

I'm uncomfortable talking about.

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Sure, yeah.

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How about, uh,

you showering with your mom?

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I actually had a topic in mind.

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I'm kind of going through

a dry spell, sex-wise.

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- Oh, for, like, months?

- Five, to be...

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...lying. Six.

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Six months? That's rough.

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Well, it's not all bad. I'm learning to

appreciate the, uh, small things in life.

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Like the sound of a bird,

or the color of the sky.

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The sky's blue, Ross.

And I had sex yesterday.

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Please help me.

I have a date tonight.

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It has to go well.

I'm scared for my health.

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Okay, okay. Oh! I got something.

It's this story that I came up with.

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Very romantic.

Any woman that hears it, they're like putty.

00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,855

Really? Tell it to me.

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Okay. Now, you're gonna want to have sex

with me when you hear it.

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But you have to remember,

it is just the story.

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- I'll try to control myself.

- Okay. Ahem.

00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:20,707

Years ago, when I was backpacking

across Western Europe...

00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,919

Heh, you were backpacking

across Europe?

00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,922

- Have a nice six more months, Ross.

- Okay, okay!

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I'm sorry. Please, please.

You were in Western Europe, and?

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I was outside Barcelona, hiking

in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.

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I was at the end of this path.

I came to a clearing, and there was a lake.

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Very secluded.

There were tall trees all around.

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It was dead silent. Gorgeous.

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And across the lake I saw

a beautiful woman bathing herself.

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But she was crying.

00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,587

Why?

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[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

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Mm! Mm, this is great wine.

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It's from France.

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In Europe.

00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:26,147

Western Europe.

00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:34,072

You know, um, a few years ago

I was backpacking across Western Europe.

00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,034

- Really?

- Mm-hm. Wait, it gets better.

00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,706

Um, yeah, I was in, um, Barcelona.

00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:46,793

I studied for a year in Barcelona.

00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:52,716

- Anyway, um, so I was hiking...

- I love hiking!

00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,926

Oh, that's great!

00:09:56,762 --> 00:10:01,308

I was hiking along the foothills

of Mount Tibidaybo...

00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:05,645

- I think it's "Tibidabo."

- Okay, do you want to tell the story?

00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,568

Whoa, what are you doing here?

How'd your date go?

00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,613

Great. I'm across the street

having sex right now.

00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:21,328

- Your story sucks.

- If it didn't work, you didn't tell it right.

00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,914

- Show me how you did it.

- No, I don't want to.

00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:30,462

- How long since you seen a girl naked?

- I was backpacking across Western Europe.

00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:35,925

- I'm not feeling it.

- I was outside Barcelona, hiking...

00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:41,806

- No, Ross, I'm not hot. Are you hot?

- It's been six months. I'm always hot.

00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:46,061

You're not selling the story.

You don't believe it.

00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,272

I gotta go, I got a date.

But try this.

00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:52,067

Do what I do

when I'm preparing for an audition.

00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,069

I'll set you up with my video camera.

00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,155

You can record yourself

and see what you're doing wrong.

00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,948

I'll try that.

00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,911

All right. Now, you're all set up.

Good to go.

00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,330

- Just hit record. Good luck.

- Thanks.

00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:09,292

And Joe, listen. If you ever have

any problem with the ladies...

00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,503

...you know I'll help you out.

00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,468

That means a lot to me, man.

00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:36,569

Hello.

00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:43,410

Can I get you anything?

Lens cleaner? Your battery okay?

00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:45,787

- Rachel.

- Oh, Ross.

00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,414

- Hi.

- Thank God you're here.

00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:50,542

You have to help me.

Were you just talking to yourself?

00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:55,505

That's less embarrassing.

Yes. Yes, I was.

00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:59,759

ROSS: When she came in, I got distracted

and totally forgot about the camera.

00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:03,054

It kept rolling and recorded everything.

00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,476

- Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape.

- Yeah.

00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:13,189

What a great idea!

That'll get Rachel to forgive me.

00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,443

This is not fair to her.

Let's forget the tape.

00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,403

Thank you.

00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,405

[MOUTHS]

You'll show it to me.

00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,701

- No.

- You're right.

00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:30,248

- Joey, no.

- Loud and clear.

00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,966

I don't get why Greg and Jenny

would give us a fake number.

00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,635

You know, if they knew

what they were doing...

00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:46,181

...they didn't give you real names either.

- Okay.

00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:50,226

Maybe people give out fake numbers,

but they don't give out fake names.

00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,853

Oh, yeah?

00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:54,147

Hi. Ken Adams. Nice to meet you.

00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,068

Regina Phalange.

00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,530

- We didn't do anything wrong.

MONICA: I know.

00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:08,036

Although you did tell

an awful lot of jokes.

00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:12,707

I thought you said those jokes

were funny. Joke, joke, joke!

00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,042

Joke, joke...

00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,627

[BABBLES]

00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:23,551

- Maybe it was your questions.

- What about my questions?

00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:27,806

The sheer volume.

It was like flying with the Riddler.

00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:34,187

- Ooh, sorry, was that another joke?

- Was that another question?

00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,901

- Hey, is Ross still here?

- Uh, no, Rach, he's gone, but listen.

00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,571

He told us what happened.

It sounds like an honest mistake.

00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:48,535

Really? How would you like it if I had sex

with you and I taped it?

00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:50,995

Oh, forget it.

00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:57,836

Oh, there he is, the father of my child,

the porn king of the West Village.

00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,172

Look, it was an accident, okay?

00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:04,676

I feel bad it happened.

I swear, I didn't even watch it.

00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,720

Anyway, here.

00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:11,891

I thought you might be more comfortable

destroying it yourself.

00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,143

Thank you.

00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,397

[ALL SHOUTING]

00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,402

What?

00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,195

[ALL SHOUTING]

00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:28,533

- You don't want to see this, do you?

- Hell, yeah!

00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,245

I am not gonna show you this.

00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:36,291

Not the sex part.

Just the stuff leading up to it.

00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,668

Forget it. She's destroying it.

00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:42,255

Okay, fine! Fine. We'll just have to think

of some other way...

00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,674

...to put the "who came on to who"

thing to rest.

00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,176

Come on now, think!

00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:52,891

Forget it. It's Rachel's tape,

and she can do whatever she wants with it.

00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:57,562

And she wants to destroy it,

so end of story.

00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:01,649

- I want to see it.

- What?

00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,027

Clearly you don't want people

to see this tape.

00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,195

I don't want people

to see this tape either.

00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:10,575

But you so badly don't want people to see

it that it makes me want to see it. See?

00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,663

Are we watching the tape or not?

00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:22,045

- I don't want people to see it for your sake.

- Oh, I don't believe you.

00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:25,298

I think you don't want them

to see you begging me.

00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:31,095

- Rachel, please?

- Oh, a little preview.

00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:37,977

Fine. But I want the record to show

that I tried to take the high road.

00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:40,939

Because in about five minutes,

I'm gonna be saying:

00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,733

[LAUGHING]

00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:51,282

Okay, here we go.

00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,577

Hello. Can I can get you anything?

00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,996

I'm so happy.

00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,502

RACHEL:

Oh, thank God you're here.

00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,046

I need you to help me.

Were you talking to yourself?

00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:09,258

- Oh, there I am.

- You're gonna get pregnant.

00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,636

RACHEL:

I screwed up so bad.

00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:17,141

I told Monica that I'd stuff and send

those wedding invitations weeks ago.

00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,476

ROSS:

You didn't do it?

00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,187

I had put them in...

In my desk at work...

00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,273

...and I forgot about them until today.

00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:32,448

Sweetie, it's okay.

Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine.

00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:37,161

- Kind of hurting my hand though.

- I know.

00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,122

I can not believe that I did this.

00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:43,001

Especially after Monica

just went on and on and on about it.

00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:47,588

"Here are the invitations, Rachel.

Be very careful, Rachel.

00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,842

Please drinking no liquids

around the invitations, Rachel."

00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,261

Whoa, oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,430

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:04,063

Did you do it on our invitations?

00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:11,154

Not on the ones we sent out.

00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:16,784

So just the ones you gave back to us

and we had framed?

00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,793

Can you believe this is happening?

00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:29,881

- It seems like yesterday they got engaged.

- I know.

00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:35,219

Remember the night they got engaged?

How you and I almost...

00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:38,389

Oh, I remember how we almost.

00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,685

You think we would've gone through with it

if we hadn't gotten caught?

00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,563

You think we would have done it?

00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:51,903

I know I wanted to.

I just wasn't sure if you wanted to.

00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,947

Oh, I wanted to.

00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:59,952

So we... We both wanted to.

00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,081

- Interesting.

- Mm.

00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:11,297

Anyway, um,

probably worked out for the best.

00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,258

Yeah, sure.

00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,053

In about 10 seconds,

you're gonna see him kiss me.

00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:21,349

And in about 5 seconds,

you're gonna see why.

00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,938

Ross, did I ever tell you about the time...

00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:30,525

...that I went backpacking

through Western Europe?

00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,409

Okay, get ready to see some begging.

00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:43,579

Oh, you came on to Ross!

00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:47,667

- What?

- Now I'm so happy.

00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:52,046

- What are you talking about?

- You used the Europe story!

00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:55,675

That's the magic story you use

when you want to have sex!

00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:03,182

- How do you know about that story?

- How do you know about that story?

00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:06,811

I heard it from my friend Irene

who heard it from some guy.

00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:09,689

Some guy!

00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,153

No, no, she told me that

his name was Ken Adams.

00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,532

Ken Adams!

00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,623

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,251

Hi.

00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:34,088

So apparently, uh, people are familiar

with the Europe story?

00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,132

Yeah, listen, about that...

00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:40,219

...the whole "who came on to who"

thing really doesn't matter.

00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:43,347

I think it would have happened

either way.

00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:47,393

I mean, if you hadn't initiated it,

I know I would have.

00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:53,566

- It was an amazing night.

- It was. It was an amazing night.

00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:59,280

You think it looked amazing?

00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:05,119

I, uh... I don't know.

I honestly didn't watch it.

00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,079

Yeah, me neither.

00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:09,457

Yet.

00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,003

Uh...

00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:18,716

- That... That may be weird.

- Yeah, it would be really weird.

00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:32,980

- Good luck.

- Good luck to you.

00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:37,318

- Mind if I mute?

- Oh, please.

00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:42,573

- Oh, there go the clothes.

- You are undressing awfully quickly.

00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:45,952

Six months, Rachel. Six months.

00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,080

- Huh.

- Huh.

00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:53,501

- Huh.

- Hey. Heh.

00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:58,589

- We look pretty good.

- I was gonna say.

00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,842

- Ooh, nice tan.

- Thank you.

00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:05,346

- I'd just gone to the beach that weekend.

- Ah.

00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:07,974

Ugh.

00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:12,895

- Have you been working out?

- I have been working out.

00:21:14,564 --> 00:21:16,565

Well, this is so much better than I ever...

00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,067

- Oh.

- Oh.

00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:21,821

- Ew.

- Ew.

00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,200

- Oh, that's not pretty.

- Oh.

00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,077

- Oh. Oh, God.

- Oh.

00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:31,622

- Oh, no. Oh, no! No!

- Make it stop. Make it stop.

00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:40,381

Hello, Greg?

Hi, this is Monica from the plane.

00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:44,468

Listen, the number that

you gave me, uh, 8-5-3...

00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:47,722

Their old number! Jenny's been

giving it out since they moved!

00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:51,851

- Jenny! That is so Jenny!

- I know.

00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:55,938

Listen, um, how would you like to

get together next Saturday?

00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:58,316

Okay, how about Sunday?

00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:01,193

Okay, um, the week after that?

00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:02,987

The week after that?

00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,947

You know what, Greg? Heh.

00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:09,410

We are good, interesting,

funny people with good questions.

00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:13,456

And if you and your precious Jenny

can't see that, then...

00:22:13,623 --> 00:22:15,333

January 15?

00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,127

We'll see you then! Okay!

00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,008

[English - US - SDH]