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Фиби и Моника готовятся к вечеринке в честь будущего ребенка Рейчел и забывают пригласить ее мать. Во время вечеринки Моника отчаянно пытается вымолить прощение у Сандры, но безуспешно. Рейчел понимает, что понятия не имеет, как ухаживать за ребенком после родов, поэтому ее мать настаивает на том, чтобы остаться с ней на восемь недель, к большому неудовольствию Рейчел и Росса. В конце концов Росс вселяет в Рейчел уверенность в себе, и Моника дает Сандре понять, что она в ярости от ее злобы. Джои проходит прослушивание на роль ведущего нового игрового шоу под названием «Bamboozled», которое совершенно бессмысленно, и Чендлер с Россом помогают ему потренироваться. Специальный гость: Марло Томас в роли Сандры Грин

Эпизод с детской вечеринкой

The One with the Baby Shower
Сезон: 08Серия: 20

Описание

Фиби и Моника готовятся к вечеринке в честь будущего ребенка Рейчел и забывают пригласить ее мать. Во время вечеринки Моника отчаянно пытается вымолить прощение у Сандры, но безуспешно. Рейчел понимает, что понятия не имеет, как ухаживать за ребенком после родов, поэтому ее мать настаивает на том, чтобы остаться с ней на восемь недель, к большому неудовольствию Рейчел и Росса. В конце концов Росс вселяет в Рейчел уверенность в себе, и Моника дает Сандре понять, что она в ярости от ее злобы. Джои проходит прослушивание на роль ведущего нового игрового шоу под названием «Bamboozled», которое совершенно бессмысленно, и Чендлер с Россом помогают ему потренироваться. Специальный гость: Марло Томас в роли Сандры Грин

Субтитры

eng__.srt

eng__.srt

00:00:07,328 --> 00:00:10,832

So, what's the final head count

on my baby shower?

00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,835

About 20. A couple people from work

who had something else to do.

00:00:14,002 --> 00:00:16,004

Also, your sisters called,

neither can make it.

00:00:16,171 --> 00:00:18,840

What? You mean they're not coming

to a social event...

00:00:19,007 --> 00:00:22,177

...where there's no men and no booze?

That's shocking.

00:00:23,511 --> 00:00:25,430

Well, I don't care.

As long as my mom's here.

00:00:25,847 --> 00:00:29,601

- Oh, my God. Your mother.

- What, my mom's not gonna be here?

00:00:29,809 --> 00:00:31,728

Well, given that we forgot to invite her...

00:00:31,895 --> 00:00:34,439

...it would be an awfully big coincidence

if she was.

00:00:34,856 --> 00:00:36,858

Oh, my God.

00:00:37,066 --> 00:00:39,861

Well, it wasn't my fault.

Phoebe was in charge of the invitations.

00:00:40,028 --> 00:00:42,739

Well, I don't have a mother.

So often I forget other people--

00:00:42,947 --> 00:00:44,782

Oh, give it a rest.

00:00:45,575 --> 00:00:48,203

So my mother is not coming

to my baby shower?

00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:50,246

No.

00:00:50,663 --> 00:00:51,706

Neither is mine.

00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:55,502

You know what? Don't worry.

00:00:55,668 --> 00:00:58,463

Okay? We'll take care of it. We'll call her.

You go home and get ready.

00:00:58,630 --> 00:01:01,925

Please make sure she comes.

It's really important to me. It's my mom.

00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:05,220

- I know. What's her number?

- I don't know.

00:01:05,428 --> 00:01:08,431

Go. I have it in my book. Go.

00:01:14,062 --> 00:01:17,982

Wait a minute. If you're in charge

of invitations, why am I calling her?

00:01:18,149 --> 00:01:21,236

Hello, Mrs. Green.

Hi, uh, it's Monica Geller.

00:01:21,444 --> 00:01:23,071

- Oh, hello, Monica.

MONICA: Hi.

00:01:23,279 --> 00:01:27,158

Um, I know this is last-minute, but we've

decided to throw an impromptu...

00:01:27,408 --> 00:01:31,287

-...baby shower for Rachel today.

- I know. My daughters told me about it...

00:01:31,454 --> 00:01:34,499

...when they received their impromptu

invitations a month ago.

00:01:36,292 --> 00:01:39,921

- Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

SANDRA: For what, dear?

00:01:40,088 --> 00:01:42,215

For not inviting me,

or for lying about it?

00:01:43,299 --> 00:01:46,135

Oh, my God. My ass is sweating.

00:01:48,096 --> 00:01:51,558

Please, please, can you come?

It's today at 4.

00:01:52,517 --> 00:01:56,938

- Well, all right. I'll see you at 4.

- Thank you.

00:01:57,146 --> 00:02:00,567

- Isn't it at 3?

- Son of a bitch.

00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:40,815

[DOOR OPENS]

00:02:40,982 --> 00:02:42,817

- Hey, Joe. Wanna shoot some hoops?

JOEY: Hey.

00:02:43,109 --> 00:02:47,196

No, I can't go, I'm practicing. I got an

audition to be the host of a game show.

00:02:47,363 --> 00:02:48,448

- Cool.

- Great.

00:02:48,615 --> 00:02:51,784

Yeah, and if I get it, by day,

I'll be Dr. Drake Ramoray.

00:02:51,951 --> 00:02:55,997

[IN EMBELLISHED VOICE]

But by night, I'll be Joey Tribbiani.

00:02:56,623 --> 00:03:00,251

You'll be perfect for this.

That's already your name.

00:03:00,668 --> 00:03:04,047

The audition's in a couple hours,

and I don't even understand the game.

00:03:04,339 --> 00:03:05,673

Do you want some help?

00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,676

Oh, really? That'd be great.

Hey, you guys can be the contestants.

00:03:08,885 --> 00:03:10,511

Awesome.

00:03:10,678 --> 00:03:14,140

Okay, I guess we can lose

to junior-high girls some other time.

00:03:14,682 --> 00:03:18,478

- All right. Let's play Bamboozled.

- Bamboozled?

00:03:18,686 --> 00:03:19,687

Isn't that a cool name?

00:03:19,896 --> 00:03:20,980

ROSS: Yeah.

CHANDLER: No.

00:03:21,147 --> 00:03:25,568

All right. Uh, okay.

Our first contestant is Ross Geller.

00:03:25,777 --> 00:03:28,321

Why don't you tell us a little bit

about yourself, Ross?

00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:32,867

Well, uh, I'm a paleontologist.

Um, I live in New York.

00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:37,914

I have a son, Ben. Uh, hi, Ben. And, uh--

00:03:38,206 --> 00:03:41,542

I said a little bit, Ross.

Now, how about you, Chandler?

00:03:41,709 --> 00:03:45,588

Well, Joey, I'm a headhunter.

I hook up out-of-work Soviet scientists...

00:03:45,755 --> 00:03:49,217

...with rogue Third World nations.

Hi, Rasputin.

00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:53,096

Excellent. Let's play Bamboozled.

Chandler, you'll go first.

00:03:53,304 --> 00:03:56,099

- What is the capital of Colombia?

- Bogoté.

00:03:56,349 --> 00:03:58,601

It's Bogoda, but close enough.

00:04:00,770 --> 00:04:04,941

Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross

or pick a Wicked Wango Card.

00:04:05,191 --> 00:04:09,237

- What does a Wicked Wango Card do?

- I should know that.

00:04:10,405 --> 00:04:12,740

Let's see.

Just one moment, please, um...

00:04:12,907 --> 00:04:19,205

Here we are. A Wicked Wango Card

determines whether you go higher or lower.

00:04:19,372 --> 00:04:21,708

Higher or lower than what?

00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:27,213

- This is embarrassing.

- Can you believe how lame this is?

00:04:27,380 --> 00:04:32,760

I'm sorry. I don't believe contestants

are allowed to talk to each other.

00:04:35,888 --> 00:04:39,434

Oh, I told the stripper to be here at 5.

That's good, right?

00:04:41,644 --> 00:04:44,939

You ordered a stripper for the shower?

That is totally inappropriate.

00:04:45,148 --> 00:04:47,024

Why? He's gonna be dressed as a baby.

00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:52,780

Oh, hi, Mrs. Green.

I'm so glad you could make it.

00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:55,324

Yes, thank you so much.

And again, we're so sorry.

00:04:55,491 --> 00:04:57,118

We could not feel worse about it.

00:04:57,910 --> 00:04:59,454

Try.

00:05:00,663 --> 00:05:02,457

There's my little girl.

00:05:03,124 --> 00:05:05,293

- She's still mad.

- Yeah, I know.

00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:08,504

Isn't it great? One less person

we have to make small talk with.

00:05:08,963 --> 00:05:12,967

Phoebe, Sandra's mad at you too.

It doesn't bother you?

00:05:13,134 --> 00:05:17,138

Look, we've apologized twice.

I can't do any more than that.

00:05:17,305 --> 00:05:19,807

I know you hate it when people

are mad at you...

00:05:19,974 --> 00:05:23,102

...but, you know,

you just have to be okay with it.

00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:26,606

Okay. I can do that. Heh.

00:05:26,773 --> 00:05:30,026

- I gotta go powder my ass.

- Oh.

00:05:30,318 --> 00:05:33,321

Look at that face.

Just like when you were in high school.

00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:37,950

If I didn't know better,

I'd say you were a cheerleader in trouble.

00:05:38,117 --> 00:05:39,660

- Come on, let's get some tea.

- Okay.

00:05:39,827 --> 00:05:43,164

Ooh, my. Look at that.

Only three weeks to go.

00:05:43,331 --> 00:05:44,832

Now, have you picked your nanny yet?

00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:46,876

I don't want you to just use

your housekeeper...

00:05:47,043 --> 00:05:48,544

...because it'll just split her focus.

00:05:48,711 --> 00:05:52,840

Oh. Actually, I'm not gonna use a nanny.

And, uh, I don't even have a housekeeper.

00:05:53,049 --> 00:05:54,967

It's like you're a cave person.

00:05:56,969 --> 00:05:58,679

Rachel, you must get a nanny.

00:05:58,846 --> 00:06:01,098

You don't know how overwhelming

this is gonna be.

00:06:01,265 --> 00:06:04,477

When you were a baby,

I had full-time help. I had Mrs. K.

00:06:04,644 --> 00:06:08,648

Mrs. K. Oh, yeah, she was sweet.

She taught me Spanish.

00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:11,526

I actually think

I remember some of it:

00:06:11,692 --> 00:06:15,196

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

00:06:16,489 --> 00:06:19,200

- Such a sweet woman.

- Yeah.

00:06:19,450 --> 00:06:22,370

Well, however great she was,

I just can't afford that.

00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:24,205

- Oh, Rachel.

- What?

00:06:24,372 --> 00:06:28,209

I just had the greatest idea.

I'm gonna come live with you.

00:06:29,001 --> 00:06:31,003

What? What?

00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:34,674

Oh, I'm so happy I'm gonna

do this for my little girl.

00:06:35,716 --> 00:06:39,512

Aw, look at you.

You have tears in your eyes.

00:06:41,055 --> 00:06:43,850

Yes, yes, I do.

00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:46,978

All right, Ross, you're in the lead.

00:06:47,186 --> 00:06:50,481

Would you like to take another question,

or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:54,402

The Wheel has not been

my friend tonight, Joey. Uh...

00:06:54,569 --> 00:06:56,404

I'll take another question.

00:06:56,612 --> 00:06:59,031

Okay. This is gonna be tough.

Hold your breath.

00:06:59,198 --> 00:07:00,658

It's okay. I'm ready.

00:07:00,825 --> 00:07:03,911

No, dude, you gotta hold your breath

till you're ready to answer the question.

00:07:04,078 --> 00:07:07,081

-It's part of the game.

- This is ridiculous. He's not gonna hold--

00:07:08,416 --> 00:07:14,714

Okay. What do you have a fear of

if you suffer from this phobia? Triska...

00:07:14,881 --> 00:07:18,968

Holy cow. That's a big word. Tris...

00:07:19,135 --> 00:07:21,596

Seriously, look at this thing, Chandler.

How do you say that?

00:07:21,762 --> 00:07:23,431

- Let me see that.

- This one right here.

00:07:23,598 --> 00:07:24,891

[WHIMPERS]

00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:28,769

- Triskaidekaphobia.

- Fear of Triscuits.

00:07:28,936 --> 00:07:33,316

- No. No. Fear of the number 13.

- Fear of Triscuits?

00:07:33,566 --> 00:07:36,944

It's possible.

They have really sharp edges.

00:07:38,321 --> 00:07:39,780

All right, Chandler, you're up.

00:07:40,031 --> 00:07:43,618

Wait a minute. I believe I'm entitled

to use my Angel Pass for a free turn.

00:07:43,784 --> 00:07:48,122

- This game makes no sense.

- You're just upset because you're losing.

00:07:48,289 --> 00:07:50,875

Oh, come on, Ross.

I think we're all losers here.

00:07:52,919 --> 00:07:56,672

All right. Chandler, you can either

spin the Wheel or pick a Google Card.

00:07:56,839 --> 00:08:00,468

Let me think, let me think.

Oh, uh, I don't care.

00:08:02,428 --> 00:08:04,096

You must choose, Mr. Bing.

00:08:04,263 --> 00:08:08,643

- Either. It makes no difference.

- Choose, you jackass.

00:08:09,644 --> 00:08:13,272

- I'll take a card.

- Okay, you picked the Gimme Card.

00:08:13,439 --> 00:08:16,567

- You get all of Ross' points.

- What?

00:08:17,318 --> 00:08:18,986

This game is kind of fun.

00:08:20,154 --> 00:08:23,282

You don't think it's a little crazy

that you get all my points--?

00:08:23,491 --> 00:08:26,869

I don't think the contestants

are supposed to speak to each other.

00:08:29,664 --> 00:08:33,125

- Why did you invite my mother?

MONICA: What?

00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:36,587

She wants to move in with me and Ross

to help take care of the baby.

00:08:36,837 --> 00:08:39,173

- For how long?

- Eight weeks.

00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:43,094

I mean, I love my mother, but, my God,

a long lunch with her is taxing.

00:08:44,095 --> 00:08:47,098

I personally would be honored

if she wanted to live with me.

00:08:47,306 --> 00:08:48,349

She can't hear you.

00:08:51,018 --> 00:08:52,687

You guys, come on.

What am I gonna do?

00:08:52,853 --> 00:08:56,065

If you don't want your mother

to move in with you, just tell her.

00:08:56,857 --> 00:08:59,860

You're right. You're right.

I'm about to have a baby.

00:09:00,027 --> 00:09:03,197

I can tell my mother that I don't want her

to be sleeping on my couch.

00:09:03,364 --> 00:09:06,701

Oh, my God. She's gonna wanna sleep

in my bed with me. This cannot happen.

00:09:06,867 --> 00:09:07,994

That's right. That is right.

00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,163

You go over there and tell her

you do not want her to live with you.

00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:13,624

- Do not take no for an answer.

- Okay.

00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:18,462

This is great.

Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel.

00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:23,718

And I'm just gonna swoop in there

and be like the daughter she never had.

00:09:25,136 --> 00:09:27,263

I have new respect for Chandler.

00:09:29,765 --> 00:09:34,061

PHOEBE: All right, everybody.

It's time to open the presents.

00:09:34,228 --> 00:09:37,231

Yes, and I think that the first gift

that Rachel opens...

00:09:37,398 --> 00:09:39,859

...should be from the grandmother

of the baby.

00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:44,405

Because you're the most important person

in this room. And in the world.

00:09:46,407 --> 00:09:49,827

Well, um, I don't have a gift because

I wasn't invited until the last minute.

00:09:49,994 --> 00:09:54,206

But thank you so much, dear,

for bringing that to everybody's attention.

00:09:56,751 --> 00:10:00,629

How about you less important people?

Let's open your presents.

00:10:02,256 --> 00:10:06,218

- Mom, it's okay that you didn't get a gift.

- Well, I kind of did.

00:10:06,385 --> 00:10:08,721

- Me. Eight weeks of me.

- Yeah.

00:10:08,888 --> 00:10:12,725

Okay. See, Mom, the truth is,

I can do this on my own.

00:10:12,892 --> 00:10:15,644

Sweetheart, I know you're gonna be

a terrific mom.

00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:18,856

I just think you need a little help,

especially at the beginning.

00:10:19,023 --> 00:10:21,609

But, Mom, I really know what I'm doing.

I can handle this.

00:10:21,776 --> 00:10:23,611

Really? Remember Twinkles?

00:10:23,819 --> 00:10:27,782

He was a hamster.

I'm not gonna vacuum up my baby.

00:10:27,948 --> 00:10:31,285

Okay, come on, Rach.

It's present time.

00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:34,455

You know, you're the glue

holding this whole party together.

00:10:34,622 --> 00:10:36,999

It's kind of falling apart here.

00:10:38,125 --> 00:10:40,377

- Ooh, look.

RACHEL: Wow.

00:10:40,544 --> 00:10:42,254

This is from your friends at work.

00:10:42,421 --> 00:10:48,094

Ooh, my gosh. Oh, wow.

Oh, I know what this is.

00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:50,096

Wait a minute.

00:10:50,262 --> 00:10:53,224

That can't be right.

00:10:53,808 --> 00:10:56,435

Is that a beer bong for a baby?

00:10:57,978 --> 00:11:00,314

Darling, that's a breast pump.

00:11:00,815 --> 00:11:07,279

Heh. Did I say I was done guessing?

Okay, thank you for that.

00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:10,032

Ooh, wow. What's this?

00:11:10,282 --> 00:11:13,828

- It's a Diaper Genie.

- Oh, it dispenses clean diapers.

00:11:13,994 --> 00:11:15,955

No, it's where you put dirty ones.

00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:20,167

Well, that's gross. Why don't you just

take it outside and throw it in a Dumpster?

00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:25,339

- You're gonna do that 10 times a day?

- What, it goes 10 times a day?

00:11:25,506 --> 00:11:28,050

What are we feeding this baby,

Indian food?

00:11:28,676 --> 00:11:31,387

No, dear. That's what babies do.

00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,890

Rachel, listen to your mother.

She is very smart.

00:11:37,601 --> 00:11:41,897

Plus, what are you planning on doing with

the baby while you trot out to the garbage?

00:11:42,523 --> 00:11:44,900

I don't know,

I'd leave it on the changing table?

00:11:45,067 --> 00:11:46,152

[ALL GASP]

00:11:46,318 --> 00:11:50,364

- What? What did I do? What did I do?

- You can't leave a baby alone.

00:11:51,490 --> 00:11:53,200

Of course, I know that.

00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:56,245

I mean, of course you never

leave a baby alone. Ha, ha.

00:11:56,412 --> 00:11:58,873

I mean, it would--

She wouldn't be safe.

00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:03,210

You know, not as safe as she would be

with me, the baby dummy. Ha, ha.

00:12:03,377 --> 00:12:07,298

Okay, you know what? Opening the

presents is a little overwhelming right now.

00:12:07,464 --> 00:12:10,843

So I think, um, I'm just gonna maybe

open them all a little bit later.

00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:13,554

But thank you all for coming,

and for these beautiful gifts...

00:12:13,721 --> 00:12:17,850

-...and this basket is beautiful.

- It's actually a bassinet.

00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:22,563

Okay, Mommy, don't ever leave me.

00:12:26,650 --> 00:12:28,611

In what John Huston film

would you hear this line:

00:12:28,777 --> 00:12:30,696

"Badges? We don't need

no stinking badges."

00:12:30,863 --> 00:12:32,448

- Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

- Correct.

00:12:32,615 --> 00:12:34,033

There's a possible Backwards Bonus.

00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,578

- Madre Sierra the of Treasure.

- Yes.

00:12:37,995 --> 00:12:40,706

I'd like to go up the Ladder of Chance

to the Golden Mud Hut, please.

00:12:40,873 --> 00:12:42,208

- Wise choice. How many rungs?

- Six.

00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,418

[MIMICS MONKEY GIBBERING]

00:12:44,585 --> 00:12:49,006

- That noise can only mean one thing.

ROSS & CHANDLER: Hungry Monkey.

00:12:49,423 --> 00:12:53,219

- I'd like a Wicked Wango Card.

- Okay. It's an audio question.

00:12:53,385 --> 00:12:55,930

Name this television theme song:

00:12:56,096 --> 00:12:58,599

[HUMMING "I DREAM OF JEANNIE"

THEME sows]

00:12:58,766 --> 00:13:01,602

Oh. Oh, my God. Okay, I know this.

Give me a second.

00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,771

- Tell it to the Time Turtle.

- Shut up.

00:13:03,938 --> 00:13:06,148

- I Dream of Jeannie.

- Yes. Yes, you're back in the lead.

00:13:06,315 --> 00:13:07,691

Uh, I'd like to spin the Wheel.

00:13:07,858 --> 00:13:10,027

[MIMICS WHEEL SPINNING]

00:13:13,948 --> 00:13:15,032

ROSS & CHANDLER:

Oh, come on.

00:13:15,199 --> 00:13:18,077

Uh, uh, Super Speedy Speed Round.

00:13:18,244 --> 00:13:21,038

- Is there a Hopping Bonus?

- Of course.

00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,752

- Who invented bifocals?

- Ben Franklin.

00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:29,755

Correct. Which monarch

has ruled Great Britain the longest?

00:13:29,964 --> 00:13:31,215

- Queen Victoria.

- Correct again.

00:13:31,423 --> 00:13:34,969

But you forgot to switch legs between

questions. So no Hopping Bonus.

00:13:35,135 --> 00:13:38,013

- Oh! Every time.

- Yeah.

00:13:38,180 --> 00:13:41,558

- Now over to Chandler.

- I'd like a Google Card.

00:13:42,351 --> 00:13:47,064

- Are you sure?

- Yes. No. Google.

00:13:48,649 --> 00:13:52,403

Oh, my God. Congratulations, Ross.

Because, Chandler...

00:13:52,569 --> 00:13:54,738

-...you've been Bamboozled.

- No!

00:13:54,947 --> 00:13:59,743

- Yes!

- This is the best game ever!

00:14:01,078 --> 00:14:03,539

So, um, you're gonna stay with me

as long as I need you?

00:14:03,706 --> 00:14:06,375

- Of course I am.

- Mom, I swear I'm not an idiot.

00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:09,545

I read all kinds of books on pregnancy

and giving birth.

00:14:09,795 --> 00:14:14,049

But I just didn't think to read the part

about what to do when the baby comes.

00:14:14,216 --> 00:14:15,926

And, guess what, the baby's coming...

00:14:16,093 --> 00:14:19,972

...and I don't know what to do.

Oh, can I throw up in my Diaper Genie?

00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:24,435

Oh, sweetie, you're gonna be fine.

00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:27,855

- Wait, where you going?

- I'm going to the bathroom.

00:14:28,063 --> 00:14:31,734

Now, don't worry.

Everything's gonna be okay.

00:14:33,694 --> 00:14:35,904

It is gonna be okay.

00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:42,202

Worth a shot.

00:14:43,704 --> 00:14:45,205

- Hey.

PHOEBE: Hey.

00:14:45,372 --> 00:14:46,957

Why are you all red and sweaty?

00:14:47,207 --> 00:14:49,710

I just Bamboozled Chandler.

00:14:52,755 --> 00:14:55,090

Which is not a sexual thing.

00:14:57,092 --> 00:14:59,887

- Well, that was a quick shower.

- Not if you were here.

00:15:01,722 --> 00:15:03,557

Wow, looks like we got

a lot of good stuff.

00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:06,560

We did. But my mom got us

the greatest gift of all.

00:15:06,769 --> 00:15:08,729

A Play-Doh Barbershop?

00:15:09,897 --> 00:15:14,026

No. She's going to live with us

for eight weeks.

00:15:14,276 --> 00:15:15,652

What?

00:15:15,861 --> 00:15:19,656

Yes. She's gonna help us

take care of the baby. Woo-hoo.

00:15:20,574 --> 00:15:22,743

You're not serious.

00:15:22,910 --> 00:15:24,411

I mean, she's a very nice woman...

00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:27,247

...but there's no way we can take

eight weeks of her.

00:15:27,414 --> 00:15:29,458

- She'll drive us totally crazy--

- Hi, Ross.

00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,835

Hey, roomie.

00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,969

Hey, Joey, hi, I'm Ray.

I'm the producer of the show.

00:15:41,178 --> 00:15:43,847

[IN EMBELLISHED VOICE]

It's a pleasure to meet you, Ray.

00:15:44,473 --> 00:15:47,267

And this is Duncan and Erin.

They're gonna help out with the audition.

00:15:47,434 --> 00:15:48,769

So let's get the camera rolling.

00:15:48,936 --> 00:15:52,940

- Righty-0, Ray.

- Whenever you're ready.

00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:57,694

Hello. I'm Joey Tribbiani.

Let's play Bamboozled.

00:15:57,903 --> 00:16:02,533

Erin, you get the first question. In hockey,

who is known as "The Great One"?

00:16:02,783 --> 00:16:03,951

- Wayne Gretzky.

- Correct.

00:16:04,159 --> 00:16:08,038

Now, would you like to pick a Wicked

Wango Card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

00:16:08,288 --> 00:16:11,458

Uh, Joey, didn't your agents

give you the revised rules?

00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:14,711

We've eliminated all that.

No wheel. No cards.

00:16:14,878 --> 00:16:16,213

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

What? Why?

00:16:17,047 --> 00:16:21,385

Well, the game was too complicated and

research showed people didn't follow it.

00:16:21,552 --> 00:16:25,389

What's complicated? You spin the Wheel

of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance...

00:16:25,556 --> 00:16:28,892

...past the Mud Hut through the

Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey.

00:16:29,059 --> 00:16:32,229

You yank his tail, and boom,

you're in Paradise Pond.

00:16:32,855 --> 00:16:34,773

Yeah. All that's gone.

00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:38,360

Um, it's basically just a simple

question-and-answer game now.

00:16:38,569 --> 00:16:41,029

Well, what's fun about that?

00:16:41,196 --> 00:16:43,073

You expect me to be the host

of a boring game...

00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,492

...that's just people standing around

answering questions?

00:16:45,659 --> 00:16:48,412

Well, there'll be women in bikinis

holding up the scores.

00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:51,540

[IN EMBELLISHED VOICE]

Let's play Bamboozled.

00:16:51,707 --> 00:16:54,418

And all those dinosaur

knickknacks you have...

00:16:54,585 --> 00:16:57,588

...Ross, I thought they might be

more at home in the garage.

00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:02,342

- Well, we don't have a garage.

- Did I say garage? I meant garbage.

00:17:04,428 --> 00:17:09,433

You know what, Mrs. Green? Maybe it's

not absolutely vital that you live with us.

00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:15,314

- Well, Rachel needs help with the baby.

- I do. I really do. I don't know anything.

00:17:15,481 --> 00:17:17,191

I'm sure that's not true.

00:17:17,399 --> 00:17:20,235

Oh, no? Pheebs, Monica,

do I know anything about babies?

00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:23,489

- Nope. Not a thing.

- Mm-mm. It's frightening.

00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:26,783

Well, um, you know what?

Even if she doesn't know anything, I do.

00:17:26,992 --> 00:17:30,204

I have a son.

His mother and I didn't live together.

00:17:30,370 --> 00:17:33,957

Whenever he was with me,

I took care of him all the time, by myself.

00:17:34,833 --> 00:17:38,003

- That's true. You do have another child.

- Yeah.

00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,547

With another woman.

00:17:40,756 --> 00:17:42,716

Have you no control, Ross?

00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:47,346

That's a different issue.

00:17:49,223 --> 00:17:53,977

Um, the point is, when the baby comes,

I will be there to feed her...

00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:55,812

...and bathe her and change her.

00:17:55,979 --> 00:17:58,690

And more than that,

I want to do all those things.

00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:02,694

Well, then you don't need me

to live with you.

00:18:02,861 --> 00:18:04,404

Yes!

00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:08,951

Yes. You're gonna be so missed.

00:18:09,409 --> 00:18:10,911

You're gonna be a great father.

00:18:11,078 --> 00:18:13,455

Well, you're gonna be

a wonderful grandma.

00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:17,834

Hello? I still don't know

what the hell I'm doing.

00:18:18,043 --> 00:18:21,338

Come on, every first-time mother

feels that way.

00:18:21,505 --> 00:18:27,511

You're gonna pick it up. Hey, you will.

Look, when you first came to the city...

00:18:27,678 --> 00:18:30,347

...you were this spoiled,

helpless little girl...

00:18:30,514 --> 00:18:33,016

...who still used Daddy's credit cards,

remember?

00:18:33,433 --> 00:18:35,644

I hope you're going somewhere with this.

00:18:36,436 --> 00:18:39,273

Look at you. You're this big executive.

00:18:39,439 --> 00:18:42,150

You are much more capable

than you give yourself credit for.

00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,821

I have no doubt you're gonna

be an incredible mother.

00:18:46,738 --> 00:18:49,866

- Really?

- I'm telling you.

00:18:50,784 --> 00:18:52,661

Thank you.

00:18:55,038 --> 00:18:57,124

All right, you two. I'm gonna get going.

00:18:57,958 --> 00:19:00,002

ROSS: Oh.

- Oh, no, sweetheart, you stay put.

00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:03,964

I'll let myself out. It's like I'm not here.

Which I almost wasn't.

00:19:04,131 --> 00:19:06,174

[LAUGHS]

00:19:06,341 --> 00:19:11,597

You're just so funny. You're so funny.

What do I do?

00:19:11,972 --> 00:19:15,809

Nothing. You have apologized

to her like a million times.

00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:18,312

And she's been nothing

but terrible to you.

00:19:18,478 --> 00:19:20,439

And don't forget,

you just threw her daughter...

00:19:20,606 --> 00:19:24,568

...a lovely, albeit slightly boring, shower.

00:19:24,735 --> 00:19:29,823

- And she hasn't even thanked you for it.

- You know what? You're right.

00:19:30,073 --> 00:19:33,118

Yeah, I mean, if you wanna

say anything to her, I'd tell her off.

00:19:33,285 --> 00:19:34,828

- Really?

- Uh-huh.

00:19:36,288 --> 00:19:38,582

Okay, I will.

00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:41,126

Mrs. Green?

00:19:41,376 --> 00:19:42,836

Mrs. Green?

00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:45,922

It is rude to leave a party

without saying goodbye to the host.

00:19:46,131 --> 00:19:48,508

And also, when someone

apologizes to you...

00:19:48,675 --> 00:19:50,761

...the decent thing to do is to accept it.

00:19:50,927 --> 00:19:53,388

Because what I did to you,

it wasn't on purpose.

00:19:53,555 --> 00:19:57,225

But what you're doing to me now

is plain spiteful.

00:19:57,434 --> 00:19:58,769

- Spiteful?

MONICA: That's right.

00:19:59,019 --> 00:20:02,898

Maybe it's time you took a good,

hard look in the mirror, young lady.

00:20:03,065 --> 00:20:04,816

Old lady.

00:20:05,025 --> 00:20:06,818

Lady.

00:20:07,027 --> 00:20:09,863

Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up.

00:20:10,739 --> 00:20:15,661

So whenever you're ready to apologize

to me, I will forgive you. Good day.

00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,167

I can't feel my legs.

00:20:22,918 --> 00:20:25,837

You were fantastic.

I'm so proud of you.

00:20:26,463 --> 00:20:30,050

- Yeah? I'm proud of me too.

- You should be.

00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,844

- Could you get me something to drink?

- You got it.

00:20:34,888 --> 00:20:38,266

Mrs. Green? Okay, I'm really sorry.

I apologize. If you just-- Aah!

00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:39,851

[THUDDING]

00:20:41,186 --> 00:20:43,939

MONICA [LISPING]:

Okay. I bit my tongue.

00:20:44,606 --> 00:20:47,943

But I'm still really sorry.

00:20:54,491 --> 00:20:56,576

- Okay, I'm ready.

- You sure?

00:20:56,743 --> 00:20:59,705

Yes. I've done my studying,

and I really know my stuff.

00:20:59,913 --> 00:21:02,082

All right, then.

00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,378

Rachel Green, let's play Bamboozled.

00:21:07,003 --> 00:21:09,756

How do you test the temperature

of the baby's bathwater?

00:21:09,923 --> 00:21:12,050

- Uh, put your elbow in it.

- Excellent.

00:21:12,259 --> 00:21:16,596

- How do you put a baby down for a nap?

- Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.

00:21:16,763 --> 00:21:17,848

That's correct.

00:21:18,056 --> 00:21:22,102

This is an audio question. What do you do

when a baby makes this sound:

00:21:22,269 --> 00:21:25,021

[MIMICS BABY CRYING]

00:21:27,065 --> 00:21:29,651

Uh, check if it's wet,

check if it's hungry, burp it.

00:21:29,860 --> 00:21:34,781

Excellent. Now, do you want another

question or a Wicked Wango Card?

00:21:35,031 --> 00:21:38,452

- A card. A card. I pick a card.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:21:38,618 --> 00:21:42,372

You've been Bamboozled.

You're gonna be a terrible mother.

00:21:45,792 --> 00:21:48,462

I've lost sight of why

we're doing this.

00:21:52,924 --> 00:21:54,926

[English - US - SDH]

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