Эпизод с акулами

00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:07,923

I'm so glad someone's here.

Could you zip me up?

00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:11,969

- Sure.

- Thank you.

00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,847

Can you believe no one

between my apartment and here...

00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,099

...offered to do that for me?

00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,809

People.

00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,688

So why are you so dressed up?

00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,356

Oh, Mike's picking me up for a date.

00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:28,193

Oh, yeah? Now, how's that going?

Is it getting serious?

00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,822

I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, you know, I like him.

00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,325

But, you know, am I ready to take

my Grade A loins off the meat market?

00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:37,619

I'm not quite sure.

00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:43,167

You know, I really admire

your whole dating attitude.

00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,462

It's so healthy. I'm always like,

"Is this moving too fast?

00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,214

Is this moving too slow?

Where's this going?"

00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,633

Yeah, I know.

You are a bit of a drama queen.

00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:57,598

You're so much better off, you know?

You just go from guy to guy having fun...

00:00:57,766 --> 00:01:00,768

...and not worrying that it

never turns into anything serious.

00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,271

I wouldn't say "never."

00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,815

You know, there is that guy.

00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,610

Okay, well, what about?

00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,696

Okay, well, there has gotta be someone.

00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:17,618

- There isn't! That's what I'm saying.

- Oh, my God, you're right!

00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:21,371

I know. And yet, here you are,

all ready for the next date.

00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:25,709

I can't believe

I never realized this before.

00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:30,130

I'm in my 30s, and I've never been

in a long-term relationship.

00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,050

Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?

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No, no, no.

00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,680

Um, there's nothing wrong with you.

00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:44,269

I mean, you don't strike me as the type

of person that wants to get married anyway.

00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,772

I want to get married!

00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,233

No, please...

Please don't cry because of me.

00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,777

Pheebs,

I don't know what I'm talking about, okay?

00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,695

I've been divorced three times.

00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,198

Well, at least you've been married.

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Oh, my God.

I want to trade lives with Ross?

00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,748

Phoebe.

00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,960

- What's wrong?

- Nothing. I'm excited about our date.

00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:13,048

Mike, this is Ross Geller.

Ross, this is Mike...

00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,383

[CRYING]

00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,303

- Sorry, I didn't catch that.

- Mike Hannigan.

00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,055

- Oh, Ross Geller.

- Hey.

00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:24,476

- Uh, so are you sure you're ready to go?

- Uh-huh.

00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,353

How do I look?

00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,525

- Do you have a compact in your purse?

- No.

00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,527

You look great.

00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,697

- Hey, Joey.

- This girl won't turn around.

00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,408

I can't tell whether she's hot or not.

What do you think?

00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:26,622

Joey, I am not going

to objectify women with you.

00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,916

But if her face is as nice as her ass...

00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:31,835

- Whoo, Mama.

- All right. Thanks.

00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,380

- Hey, have you talked to Chandler?

- He has to stay in Tulsa this weekend.

00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,716

- How come?

- I don't know. He has to work.

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There's some big rush on the...

00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,764

Uh...

00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:46,308

One of these days,

I'm gonna have to start listening...

00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,018

...when he talks about his job.

00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:52,731

Hey, why don't you fly out there

and surprise him?

00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,275

Maybe I will go.

00:03:55,693 --> 00:04:00,656

Yeah. We'll have a little second

honeymoon at the Tulsa Ramada.

00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,366

Oh, and you know what

you should bring?

00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,953

Your black see-through teddy

with the attached garters.

00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,334

- How do you know I have one of those?

- Didn't until just now.

00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,298

Ugh. Hot. Not hot.

00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,342

Hot!

00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,595

Excuse me?

00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:28,725

Uh, I said that I think you're hot.

00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:32,145

And, uh, now I'm embarrassed. Heh.

00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,481

Oh, I thought you said "hi."

00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,234

That would've been better.

00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,612

I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey.

00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,989

I'm Hayley.

00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:46,451

Oh. Look, I don't normally ask out women

that I meet in coffeehouses.

00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:48,412

Ha!

00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:53,458

Gesundheit.

00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,383

- But...

- I would love to go out with you.

00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,386

Really? Great.

00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,389

Did I...? Did I actually ask you?

00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:10,767

Oh, um, that's just where you were going.

I figured I'd help you out.

00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:14,062

You don't seem like the kind of guy

who does this a lot?

00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,273

Ha!

00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,861

Seriously, Gunther. You should

see someone about that cold.

00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,738

If it gets much worse, you could die.

00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,245

- So how'd the date go?

- Well, it was awful.

00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,040

Every time I thought about

what you said, I started crying.

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- So he hasn't called?

- Would you call this girl:

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[CRYING]

"Thanks for a lovely evening"?

00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,799

Now I feel terrible. This is all my fault.

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[IN NORMAL VOICE] You know what

you should feel terrible about?

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This could have been my serious guy.

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He was sweet and smart and funny.

00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,101

Do you know how hard it is

to meet a guy like that?

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We are a rare breed.

00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,402

What a great dinner.

00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,029

Yeah, and hey, thanks again...

00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,740

...for letting me have that last piece of cake

at the restaurant.

00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:11,119

Ha, ha. You're welcome again.

I'm gonna go make some coffee.

00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,914

- Can I get you anything?

- Uh, do you have any cake?

00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,624

[LAUGHING]

00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,214

JOEY:

So this is going pretty good.

00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,634

Dinner was nice.

We've got a lot in common.

00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,844

Ooh, Victoria's Secret. Huh.

00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,805

We even like the same books.

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Ooh. There's a scary painting.

00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,104

Wait a minute.

00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,773

I think I've been scared

by that painting before.

00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,861

You know what?

This whole place looks familiar.

00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,155

I have definitely been in this apartment.

00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:50,158

I know I've seen

this weird plant before.

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Ow! It did that the last time!

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Oh, my God.

I've gone out with this girl before.

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Yeah! We had sex on this couch!

00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,212

And then on that chair, and... No.

00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,339

No, we didn't do it here...

00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:08,301

...which is weird, because it seems

like a perfectly good place.

00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,178

Ow. That's why.

00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,766

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

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Hey, Mike. Uh, sorry to just drop by

like this. Can I come in?

00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,109

Sure.

00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,403

Who are you?

00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,406

I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend

from the coffeehouse?

00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,574

Right, yeah.

00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,784

I really, really need to talk

to you about something.

00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,245

Okay. Unless...

00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,582

You're not gonna try

and get me to join a cult, are you?

00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,209

- No.

- Oh...

00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:44,588

No, it's just, you know,

you have that look.

00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,257

Damn Supercuts.

00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,305

- Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. No.

00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,725

Oh, Phoebe is great. But, um...

00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,894

I'm an idiot, okay?

00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:03,607

Look, right before you guys went out,

I accidentally got her all upset.

00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:05,984

Oh. That's why she was weird.

00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,945

Yes, yeah. I said something stupid...

00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,573

...about her never having

had a serious relationship.

00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,785

But you should know, she is

so much fun. A wonderful person.

00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:20,123

- Please, don't blow her off.

- I'm not gonna blow her off.

00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,251

I actually just got off the phone with her.

We're going out tomorrow night.

00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:28,131

I mean, I hope that's okay with you,

stranger from the coffeehouse.

00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,426

Well, then, I didn't need to bother you.

00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:36,264

Um, you or the four other

Mike Hannigans I bothered.

00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,562

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Is that true what you said?

00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,940

Phoebe's never had

a serious relationship?

00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,443

Of course she has.

00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,154

If she's never had

a serious relationship...

00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:53,615

...do you think I'd go

around broadcasting it...

00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:58,203

...like some kind of unstoppable moron?

00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,166

- But you did say it.

- Yes. Yes, I did.

00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,337

And I will also say...

00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,839

...what I'm about to say...

00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,842

...vis-à-vis...

00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,761

...the following.

00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:21,560

Phoebe has never had

a serious relationship...

00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,312

...since...

00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,984

...her super-serious relationship...

00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,402

...with...

00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,153

...Vikram.

00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,408

- Vikram?

- What? That's a real name.

00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,456

[SINGING]

Oklahoma, where the wind comes

00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,417

sweeping down the plain

00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,544

Stop it.

00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,255

Why couldn't they have

sent me to Texas?

00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,632

Seven o'clock.

00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,552

Maybe I'll hit the gym.

00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:04,728

Ah, who am I kidding?

Pay-per-view porn.

00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,535

- Do not disturb! Do not disturb!

- Surprise!

00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,458

- Monica?

- Is everything all right?

00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,793

Yeah, everything's great. I was just, uh...

00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,630

...watching some

regular television there.

00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,050

What a pleasant surprise.

00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,852

- I'm gonna go freshen up, okay?

- Okay, honey.

00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,901

Ooh. That was close.

00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,819

[PHONE RINGS]

00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,864

- Hello.

MONICA: Rach, it's me.

00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:02,327

Okay, I just got to Chandler's room,

and I caught him...

00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,579

...molesting himself.

00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:08,458

Ugh. That couldn't have been pretty.

00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,752

But you know, guys do that.

00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,420

Uh, well, the weird part is...

00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:16,049

...he was getting off

to a shark-attack show.

00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:20,970

- No!

- Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!

00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,479

- While watching sharks?

- Yeah.

00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,981

Are you sure that's what he was doing?

00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,068

Do you know how many times

I've seen him jump up like that?

00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,320

Believe me, I know what he was doing.

00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:40,782

Man. Sharks.

00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,243

I always knew there was something weird

about that dude.

00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,830

You promised to love him

no matter what.

00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:51,167

"What" means, like, if he gets a disease

or kills someone.

00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:55,130

- Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws.

- Oh.

00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,425

You know what, honey?

Guys are just different.

00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:01,177

They like things

that we can't understand.

00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,680

You know, I once dated this guy

who wanted to pretend...

00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:07,016

...that he was an archeologist,

and that I was this...

00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:11,938

...naughty cavewoman

who he unfroze from a block of ice.

00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,859

Ew, are you talking about my brother?

00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,236

Yeah, I didn't disguise that very well, did I?

00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,157

- Hey.

- Hi.

00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,534

Listen to this.

I went out with this girl last night.

00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,661

Halfway through our date I realized...

00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,246

...I already slept with her.

00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:32,167

You've slept with all the women

in New York...

00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,669

...and now you're going around again?

00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:36,337

That's not even the weird part.

00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,715

I don't think she remembered

sleeping with me!

00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,675

But you don't remember

sleeping with her.

00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,012

Yeah, but she should remember sleeping

with me. I am very memorable!

00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,640

- You guys know.

- How do we know?

00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,185

- We've never slept with you.

- And whose fault is that?

00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,689

What's the big deal?

You forgot, she forgot.

00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,776

- Maybe you were having an off night.

- Hey!

00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,239

I never have an off night. Okay?

00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:06,785

Although, sometimes if I'm a little bloated,

I don't feel that sexy.

00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,037

But even then, I'm better than most.

00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:13,666

Honey, why don't you just let it go

and ask her out again?

00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,669

Yeah, you're both so slutty,

you don't remember who you slept with.

00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,546

You're made for each other.

00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,342

Interesting. Yeah.

00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,013

All right, well, I'll go out with her again

and I'll try to get past it.

00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,557

No salt! Bloaty!

00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,476

- Joey?

- What?

00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,728

You don't think sharks are sexy, do you?

00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,355

No.

00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,650

Wait a minute.

Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?

00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,321

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,572

It's open!

00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:48,117

- Hey.

- Hey. Mike called! We're going out again!

00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,203

- Yay! Yay!

- Yay.

00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:55,083

- Quick thing. I went to talk to Mike.

- Yeah.

00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,459

What?

00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,212

What did you...? What did you do, Ross?

00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,798

Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.

00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:06,010

I went over there, you know,

to tell him how...

00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,806

How great you are. Ahem, but...

00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,642

Well, you know me. Blah, blah, blah.

00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:18,731

- And I ended up telling him, um, that...

- What?

00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:23,194

Um, you had a six-year-long

relationship...

00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,280

...with a guy named Vikram.

00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,950

What? Why?

00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,744

Well, he seemed...

00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:36,791

...to bum hard when I told him you'd

never been in a serious relationship.

00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,007

If you hadn't just had a baby

with my best friend...

00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:47,552

...I swear to Lucifer...

00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,806

...a rabid dog would be feasting

on your danglers right now.

00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:56,311

Phoebe, I think you'll feel differently

when you know...

00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,855

...a little bit about Vikram.

00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,399

Okay, he's, um...

00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,861

He's a kite designer.

00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:10,158

And he used to date Oprah.

00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:15,496

I'm not going along

with some lie you made up, Ross.

00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,082

- I'm just gonna be honest with him.

- Good.

00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,584

Yeah, just be honest with him.

00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,253

- Yeah, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

- No.

00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,756

Okay, so, all right,

I haven't been in a relationship...

00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,883

...that lasted longer than a month.

00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,510

Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend.

00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:34,307

You know, if he can't handle it,

then he can leave. Which he will.

00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:38,102

And, you know, that's okay.

So I'll just be alone forever.

00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,022

You know, all right.

It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:44,817

I'll go on walking tours

with widows and lesbians.

00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,861

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,197

- I'll get it.

PHOEBE: Okay.

00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:56,204

I'm trying to remember the last time

I opened a door and you weren't there.

00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,960

Phoebe, are you okay?

00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:07,006

Uh-huh. Yeah. There's just, um...

00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,634

There's something you should know.

00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,347

Vikram just called.

00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,811

So it was really a shock

after 25 years of marriage...

00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,897

...my parents getting divorced.

I took it the hardest...

00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,525

...because I was the youngest.

- Mm-hm. Sure. Yeah.

00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,194

How can you not remember me?

00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,071

What?

00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,198

How could you not remember

that we slept together?

00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,326

- What? When?

- I don't know.

00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:39,205

I really, really think

I would remember sleeping with you.

00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,792

Come on, come on.

Search your brain, all right? It was...

00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,587

...a certain amount of time ago.

Okay, I was here. You were here.

00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,215

We had sex here, here, here...

00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,300

Not there.

00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:54,595

- Anything?

- No, it's not ringing any bells.

00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,931

My God, woman.

00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,976

How many people have you been with

not to remember this?

00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:03,271

Hey, Hayley.

We really gotta fix that doorknob.

00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,149

Joey?

00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,401

Oh.

00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,780

I slept with you!

00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,369

And you obviously remember me.

Hey, I still got it!

00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,787

So we're good.

00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,291

I'll let myself out.

00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,337

And I said, "Okay, Vikram...

00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,673

...you can't just call

every time you get lonely.

00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,924

- Yeah.

- You know?

00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,553

You gave up that right

when you slept with Rachel."

00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,098

Rachel? I thought she just

had a baby with Ross.

00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,559

Yeah, well...

00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,227

Yeah.

00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,647

You know, but Emma's birth certificate

might say "Geller"...

00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,776

...but her eyes say "Mukherjee."

00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:54,947

That is so wrong.

And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?

00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,034

I know. But he calls,

and my heart goes to him.

00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:03,414

You know, that bastard is one

smooth-talking freelance kite designer.

00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,960

I think there's somebody

better out there for you.

00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,589

I mean, you know, I'm...

I'm not saying me, but...

00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,176

Maybe me.

00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:17,595

Oh.

00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,723

And you don't have to worry about

glue-sniffing with me.

00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:24,102

Although, I do smell

the occasional Magic Marker.

00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,689

Yeah. Uh, anyway, I just...

00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,442

I think I can make you happy.

00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,365

- Okay, I can't do this.

- What's wrong?

00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,577

Well, there is no Vikram.

Ross made him up.

00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:43,204

Because I...

00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,290

I really never have been

in a long-term relationship.

00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:51,003

I've never lived with a guy.

I've never even celebrated an anniversary.

00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,713

So...

00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,176

You know, if that's too weird for you...

00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,512

...and you want to leave,

I totally understand.

00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,099

In fact, I'll close my eyes

to make it less awkward.

00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,567

You kissed me.

00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,027

Uh-huh.

00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:18,406

- So you don't think I'm a total freak?

- No.

00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,283

Well...

00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,618

Look, can I?

00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,830

Can I think you're a little weird

and also cool...

00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,666

...for telling me the truth

and also want to kiss you?

00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,835

I guess so.

00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,671

Can I think it's cool

that you kissed me...

00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,424

...and also want to kiss you again?

00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:42,305

And, um, be a little concerned

about the Magic Markers?

00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,764

Definitely.

00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,353

[PHONE RINGS]

00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,771

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:53,357

ROSS [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]:

This is Vikram.

00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,076

Hi, honey, I'm home.

00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:05,995

Hi.

00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,749

- How was your flight?

- Oh, it was great.

00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,876

Why don't you sit down.

00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,502

Get yourself comfortable.

00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:16,339

Because I have a little...

00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:18,758

...surprise for you.

00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:22,470

Well, well, well. It must be 5 in Tulsa...

00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:26,390

...because it's sex o'clock in N.Y. C!

00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:32,396

Okay. This is how much I love you.

00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,733

NARRATOR [ON TV]:

The great white...

00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,990

Honey?

00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,619

Why am I watching

a bunch of sharks swimming around?

00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,789

Oh, is this...? Is this not the good part?

00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:54,669

Do you want me to fast-forward

to something toothier?

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,090

No, I'm just not sure that you

got the right movie, that's all.

00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:02,802

Oh. This is the only one

they had at our video store.

00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,097

Though they did have something

called Crocodile Killers.

00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,058

Or does it always have to be sharks?

00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,229

Does what always have to be sharks?

00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,606

Honey, look, we can do something else.

00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,902

Do you want me to

get into the tub and thrash?

00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:25,074

- What's going on?

- Sweetie, it's okay. It's okay.

00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:27,076

I still love you.

00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:31,247

- Let me be a part of this.

- Let me be a part of this!

00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,834

I saw what you were doing in Tulsa.

00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:37,753

Angry sharks turn you on!

00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,715

No, they don't.

00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:45,553

Then why were you watching them

and giving yourself a treat?

00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:49,390

Oh, my God. When you came in,

I switched the channel.

00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,226

I was just watching regular porn.

00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:54,478

Really?

00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:58,983

Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned,

American, girl-on-girl action.

00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:04,405

- Can I tell you how happy that makes me?

- Oh.

00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,617

You are an amazing wife.

00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:12,163

Really, you are amazing.

You were actually gonna do this for me?

00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:15,791

I mean, where do you find the strength

and the understanding for that?

00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:19,670

I'm very, very drunk right now.

00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:31,724

See, ordinarily, I would talk to her,

but my confidence is shaken.

00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,477

Did I sleep with her?

Did I not sleep with her?

00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,937

You know, maybe this is a wake-up call.

00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:40,232

You know,

about your whole dating attitude.

00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,986

You're in your 30s and you have

never been in a long-term relationship.

00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:47,656

Here you go from woman to woman...

00:22:47,824 --> 00:22:50,201

...meaningless experience

to meaningless experience.

00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:53,746

Never even worrying that it doesn't

turn into something more serious.

00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,915

You're right. I love my life!

00:23:01,421 --> 00:23:03,881

I actually did sleep with her. Heh.

00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:12,014

[English - US - SDH]