Эпизод с няней мужского пола

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[HOARSE]

Hello.

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[COUGHS]

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Hello.

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I love my new job!

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- Honey, you're screaming.

- You bet your ass I am.

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I just had the best first day ever.

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The kitchen?

Twice as big as Allessandro's.

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- Oh, that's great.

MONICA: Yeah.

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And clean? Not just Health

Department-clean, Monica-clean.

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Awesome.

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Oh, and the people are so nice.

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There's this one guy, Jeffrey,

he's the maître d'.

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Chandler, you will love him.

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He is without a doubt

the funniest guy I have ever met.

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- This is nice.

- I know.

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- You need both hands for that?

- Yeah, I kind of do.

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Well, how's this?

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Oh, look at you two holding hands.

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Is this getting serious?

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Well, I, you know...

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Have you not talked about it yet?

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Am I making you uncomfortable?

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If you were bigger you'd hit me, huh?

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I'm sorry, heh.

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It's obviously way too early

for us to be having that conversation.

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- Is it?

- Maybe not. Is it?

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Okay, when I got divorced...

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...I didn't think I'd feel this way about

someone for a really long time.

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Then again, I didn't think I'd meet

someone like you.

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And this may be crazy-soon,

but I want you to have this.

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- No, not... That's gum.

- Oh.

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Oh, five bucks.

I love it when that happens, you know?

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- You don't know it's there...

- I know. Keep digging.

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Oh, sorry.

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Oh. It's a key.

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To be honest, I think I'd prefer

the five dollars.

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- It's to my apartment.

- Oh, wow.

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Ooh. Big step for Phoebe and Mike.

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Look, I don't want you to feel like

you have to give me your key...

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- No, I want to.

- Oh, thank God.

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Yeah.

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Wow. I was starting to think

I'd never meet someone that...

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...you know, I wanted to do this with.

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Here you go.

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- This is cool, huh?

- It really is.

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Oh, I know it. It is amazing.

These little things open doors.

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So I don't go back to work

for another four weeks...

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...but we would like our nanny

to start right away...

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...so that Emma could get

a chance to know her.

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I think that's really smart.

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The easier we can make

the transition for her the better.

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That's great. Great.

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- So do you have any questions for us?

- Not really.

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All right. Well, thank you

so much for coming.

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ROSS: Thank you.

- It was really nice to meet you.

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- We will call you.

- Oh, you know, wait.

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- I do have one question.

RACHEL: Yeah.

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Do you guys do random drug testing?

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Boy, we, uh,

hadn't really thought of that.

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That's cool. But if you do,

I'm gonna need three days' notice.

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Okey-dokey.

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Wow. We're never gonna find a nanny.

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Come on, Rach. We will. I promise.

We have more interviews.

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And worse comes to worst, we can always

reconsider the, uh, first one we met with.

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- What, the blond with no bra?

- She was blond?

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[KNOCK ON DOOR]

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Just a sec.

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- Okay, this one's name is Sandy.

- Okay.

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She's got a degree in

Early Childhood Education.

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Uh, she worked for her last family

for three years.

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Okay.

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Hi. I'm Sandy.

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And she's a little mannish.

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[KNOCK ON DOOR]

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- Ah! Oh, my God. David.

- Hi.

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- Uh, is this a bad time?

- No, it's a great time. Come in.

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Wow. Hi.

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Oh, my gosh. What are you doing here?

Are you back from Minsk?

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Well, just for a couple of days.

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I'm here to explain to the people

who gave us our grant...

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...why it's a positive thing that

we've spent all their money...

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...and, uh, accomplished, uh, nothing.

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Who cares? It got you here.

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Well, it got me to New York anyway.

Then I got in a cab at the airport...

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...and the guy said, "Where to?"

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I just gave him your address.

I didn't even think about it.

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Wow. Where's your luggage?

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Damn it.

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All right, I'll call the cab company.

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We can call them later.

Can you just stand there for a moment?

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[BOTH CHUCKLE]

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Boy.

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There's an old Russian expression, um,

that goes:

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[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

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Roughly translated, that means, um:

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"This thing that I'm looking at: Wow."

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Thank you.

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Uh, no, you should see me when...

Actually, no, I look pretty good.

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Are you kidding?

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You know, when you don't see

someone for a long time...

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...and you kind of build them up

in your head, you start thinking:

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"Come on, don't be crazy,

nobody's that beautiful."

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But, well, you are.

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Well, so, um, are you seeing anyone?

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No.

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I'm just the worst person ever.

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How can I not tell David

that I'm seeing Mike?

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Maybe he didn't give you a chance.

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He said, "Are you seeing someone?"

And I said, "No."

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- Oh, well, that would've been your window.

- Yeah.

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I mean, I don't know.

I was looking in his eyes...

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...and I was just thinking,

"Oh, my God, it's David. David's here."

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He's just so irresistible.

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- Really? The scientist guy?

- Really? Chandler?

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Continue.

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Okay, then it gets worse...

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...because I told him

I would see him tomorrow night.

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- Phoebe.

- I know. Evil.

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And, and, and, and...

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I like Mike so much, you know?

It's just going really well. Oh, my God.

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Wow, isn't it ironic that David

would show up...

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...on the same day that

you and Mike exchange keys?

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Uh-huh.

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Yeah. You know, and given

my lifelong search for irony...

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...you can imagine how happy I am.

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- What are you gonna do?

- I mean, I guess I just have to...

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...tell David that nothing

can happen between us.

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Unless I don't.

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You know, complicated moral situation?

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- No right, no wrong?

- You have to tell David.

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I knew I should've had this conversation

with Joey.

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Funniest guy she's ever met.

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I'm funny, right?

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What do you know? You're a door.

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You just like knock-knock jokes.

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Save it for inside.

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- Hey.

- Hey.

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So Oklahoma's a crazy place. You know,

they call it the Sooner State.

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Frankly, I'd sooner be in any other state.

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And what's with Oklahoma

having a panhandle?

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Can all states have stuff like that?

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Hey, yeah, I'm from the, uh,

waistband of Wyoming.

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But when I was 7,

we headed over to the crotch.

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Was your cabin pressurized?

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And don't get me started on the way

the people from Tulsa talk.

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Okay.

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What's with the word "y'all"? You know,

just two words just pushed together?

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Are we all allowed to do that?

Because if so, I say why stop there?

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You know, your new poodle

could be your noodle.

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And fried chicken could be fricken.

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Waiter? Waiter, excuse me,

I'll have the fricken.

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See, that's funny with the fricken, right?

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No, it just reminds me of something

this guy did today at work.

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I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey,

right?

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Yeah, he came up.

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Well, he did this bit.

You probably had to be there...

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...but it was Liza Minnelli locked

in our freezer eating a raw chicken.

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Oh, ha, ha.

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- Were you there?

- No, but it sounds fricken funny.

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I really understand how hard it's gotta be

to leave your child with another person.

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I mean, it's like leaving behind

a piece of your heart.

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Sandy, that's exactly what it is.

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- Are you gay?

- Ross.

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It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do.

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- But I am straight. I'm engaged, actually.

- Oh.

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- Her name's Delia.

- That's pretty.

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So you're just, like,

a guy who's a nanny.

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I realize how it's a bit unorthodox

for some people.

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But I really believe the most satisfying

thing you can do with your life...

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...is take care of a child.

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Okay.

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Like at my last job.

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I met Daniel when he was

3 weeks old.

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And I got to watch him grow

into this awesome person.

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When I left, I said, "I'll see you soon."

00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:13,630

And he said to me, "Skadandy?"

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- That was his name for me.

- Oh, ha, ha.

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"I'll see you every day right in..."

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[SOBBING]

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- It's okay.

- Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap.

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[EMMA CRYING]

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Oh, God, she must need

her diaper changed.

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- I can take care of that, if you want.

- Oh, that would be great.

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I love him, I love him, I love him.

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Oh, come on. Rach, he's a guy.

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So what? He's smart. He's qualified.

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Give me one good reason

we shouldn't try him out.

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Because it's weird.

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Why?

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What kind of a job is that for a man?

A nanny?

00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,268

I mean, it's like if a woman

wanted to be...

00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,728

Yes?

00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,481

King?

00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:18,903

I, uh, hope you don't mind. I used

some of my homemade lotion on Emma.

00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:23,199

It's a mixture of calendula and

honey cream. It'll dry that rash right up.

00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:26,494

Plus, it keeps the hands young.

00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,420

Yes. Sandy, you're hired.

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That's great.

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I'm sorry.

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It's just such an emotional thing

when you're welcomed into a new family.

00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,766

Oh, God. Come here.

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You gotta be at least bi.

00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,531

Hey.

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I need you to set me up for a joke.

00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,711

When Monica's around,

ask me about fire trucks.

00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:21,883

Ooh, I don't know, Chandler.

I'm not so good with remembering lines.

00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,846

Well, thank God your livelihood

doesn't depend on it.

00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,848

I know, right?

00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,351

Why are we doing this?

00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:35,146

Monica says that her maître d'

is the funniest guy she's ever met.

00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:39,317

- Seriously? She actually said that?

- Yes. Am I crazy to be this upset?

00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,529

- No. Being funny's your thing.

- Yeah.

00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:45,198

Without that, you just got

"lame with women."

00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,326

Hi. There you are.

00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:49,744

Fire trucks.

00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,624

[INAUDIBLE]

00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:04,968

Wow. You look even more beautiful

than you did yesterday.

00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:09,222

- Ooh.

- In fact, I'm going to kiss you now.

00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,350

- Oh, wait, wait.

- Yeah, I can't get away with stuff like that.

00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,520

It sounded sexy in my head, so I...

00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,897

No, no, it's not that.

00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,357

[PHOEBE CLEARS THROAT]

00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:23,319

Remember when you asked me

if I was seeing someone and I said no?

00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:29,993

- Well, um, I am. His name's Mike.

- Oh. Oh.

00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,371

- I should've told you.

- No.

00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,165

- Well, yeah.

- Yeah.

00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:42,046

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Well, it's okay. I understand.

00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,757

Well, are you happy with this guy?

00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,051

- I am happy.

- Damn it.

00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,680

I'm sorry. I don't mean that.

I want you to be happy.

00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:54,142

But only with me. No, that's not fair.

Who cares. Leave him.

00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,687

I don't mean that. Yes, I do.

I'm sorry. Um...

00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:02,108

- I think I should probably, uh, go.

- Well...

00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:06,321

But, David, I just want you to know that,

you know...

00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:11,075

...telling you this is one of the

hardest things I've ever had to do.

00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,995

Well, just so you know...

00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:17,290

...hearing it wasn't exactly

a Vladnik carnival, either.

00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:23,796

- Can we at least hug goodbye?

- Of course. Yeah.

00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:34,849

You know, and a kiss on the cheek

wouldn't be totally inappropriate.

00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,810

- No. No.

- I mean...

00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:42,190

- In Minsk?

- Yeah?

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,984

- It's, um, two on each cheek...

- Mm-hm.

00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:48,821

...and, uh, one on the lips.

- Well, if that's what they do in Minsk...

00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,997

In New York, it's...

00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,257

RACHEL:

Oh, boy.

00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,719

Hi.

00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,180

Is everything all right?

00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:16,557

Oh, yeah. No, it's fine. It's fine.

00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:20,561

Sandy was just telling me about how he

proposed to his fiancée...

00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,605

...and it was so beautiful.

00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,025

Well, her favorite flower is the camellia.

From the poem...

00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,777

I can't hear it again.

00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,947

You know, I can't tell it again.

00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,491

And I'm fine never having heard it.

00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:40,331

- Rach, can I see you for a sec?

- Yeah. Excuse me.

00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:48,965

Do you realize that man has cried

in our apartment three times? Huh?

00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,176

I haven't cried that many times

since I moved in.

00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,722

Look, Ross, Sandy's just sensitive.

That's all.

00:16:55,889 --> 00:17:00,309

Okay, okay. See, that is the problem.

He is too sensitive.

00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,437

Too sensitive to take care of our baby?

00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:05,940

No, I mean, all I'm saying is that guy...

These are amazing.

00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:09,027

Sandy made madeleines.

00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,488

This is exactly

what I'm talking about.

00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:18,202

What kind of a guy makes delicate

French cookies? Huh?

00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,831

They're not even butch,

manly cookies with...

00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:25,126

You know, with chunks.

00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,424

Well, you know,

I don't know what to say.

00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:35,511

I mean, I never thought of you as a guy

who needed his men to be men.

00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:39,140

I gotta tell you, Ross, it's not like you

just came in from branding cattle.

00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:48,399

Hey, there's sensitive

and there's too sensitive.

00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,444

Okay, what is too sensitive?

00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,447

[RECORDER MUSIC PLAYING]

00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:19,263

No, I can't. I can't do this. It's bad.

00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:24,185

- But it's nice. And nice is good.

- Mm-hm.

00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,939

And good is not bad.

Ergo, we should keep kissing.

00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,650

- No, no. No.

- But...

00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,236

Ergo.

00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,657

Look, David, if you had never left, then...

00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,576

...yeah, we'd probably still be together

right now.

00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:47,208

But you did leave. And I'm with Mike,

and I really care about him.

00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:54,298

Well, um, goodbye. Uh...

00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:58,302

[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]

00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,596

[DOOR OPENS]

00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:03,015

Well, the key works.

00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:07,520

And, you, thanks for the face massage.

Thank you.

00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,651

Did Rachel tell you we hired

a male nanny?

00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,945

- Yeah. I think that's great.

- Oh, really?

00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:21,784

Did she tell you he plays the recorder,

recites poetry and bakes madeleines?

00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:28,249

- Oh. How are they?

- Lighter than air, but that's not the point.

00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,544

- Hey.

- Hey.

00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,963

Rachel and I hired a male nanny.

00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,382

Really?

00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,634

Guys do that?

00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:40,845

- That's weird.

- Thank you.

00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,681

- That's like a woman wanting to be a...

- What?

00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,435

- What's the end of that sentence?

- Yes. What is the end of that sentence?

00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,062

Uh...

00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,523

A penis model.

00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:01,032

Anyway, hey, did you tell Chandler

that some guy from work...

00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,075

...is the funniest guy you ever met?

00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,412

- Yeah. So?

- Wow.

00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,540

Really? Do you not know Chandler?

00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:15,963

Is that why he's acting so weird?

He's jealous?

00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,298

Oh, my God, that is crazy.

00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,884

- It's not like I'm attracted to Jeffrey.

JOEY: So what?

00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:24,931

Being funny is Chandler's thing.

You know, like Ross' thing is...

00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,729

Science?

00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:37,235

- Academia? Being a good father?

- No.

00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:43,324

- I can't believe he's that upset about this.

- You have to do some damage control.

00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:44,825

Because he's feeling like...

00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,745

CHANDLER: Hey.

- Hey. Hey.

00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,831

- What are you guys talking about?

ROSS: Uh, ahem.

00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:54,627

Rachel and I, uh, hired a male nanny.

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,505

You got a man who's a nanny?

00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,674

You got a "manny"?

00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,011

[ALL LAUGHING]

00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,352

You know, I don't mind a male nanny...

00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,354

...but I do draw the line

at male wet nurse.

00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:21,195

Oh! Oh! You are on a roll, mister.

00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,991

If I'd known you guys were coming over,

I would've brought more pizza.

00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:31,455

Okay. Okay. Stop it, you.

You stop it.

00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,668

What is so funny about that?

00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:39,755

I don't know, it's...

Well, just the way you say it.

00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:43,884

I mean, you're funny. You have

that funny thing. You're a funny guy.

00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:48,597

Did you tell her what we talked about?

00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:50,683

[LAUGHS]

00:21:54,229 --> 00:21:55,896

Yeah.

00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,945

So those were pity laughs?

Pity laughs?

00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,990

MONICA:

Honey, listen.

00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:08,409

You have nothing to worry about

with Jeffrey.

00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:10,703

Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me?

00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:13,581

Well, you're different funny.

00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,083

I mean, you're more sarcastic.

00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:19,962

And, well, he does bits and impressions

and limericks.

00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:21,255

I do limericks.

00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:26,927

Uh, there once was a man named Chandler

whose wife made him die inside.

00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:31,098

Honey, you know I think you're hilarious.

00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,184

You know that joke

you told me last week?

00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:36,228

The one about Jerry Lewis

and the girl with the lazy eye?

00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:37,980

That slayed me.

00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:42,568

Hey. I made up that joke

and told it to you.

00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,366

- Not knowing when to shut up.

- Yep, that's my thing.

00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:50,159

Yup.

00:22:57,167 --> 00:23:00,461

So how many guys have your key?

00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,506

No, no, no. It's not as bad as it looks.

00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,758

I was saying goodbye to an old friend.

00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:08,219

Your lipstick's on his mouth.

00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:12,014

Oh, uh, we just, uh,

happen to wear the same shade.

00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:16,477

No, um, David and I did used to go out.

00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:21,774

But years ago. And he lives in Minsk.

He's only in town for a couple days.

00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,151

- Did you, uh...?

- No. No.

00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:25,986

- Kiss him?

- Oh, well, yeah.

00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:30,741

Yes, but you should know,

she really likes you.

00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:34,370

In fact, I don't think you realize

just how lucky you are, fella.

00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,914

- Don't point your finger at me.

- Why?

00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,666

What are you gonna do about it?

00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:41,752

Well, I'll show you

what I'm gonna do about it.

00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,464

- Oh, really? Really?

- You want some of that? Huh? Huh?

00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:51,429

Stop it. Stop it.

Before someone gets really hurt.

00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:56,600

Here, David, you should just go.

00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,060

All right.

00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:04,024

But if I ever do come back from Minsk,

well, you just better watch out.

00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,445

- If I go to Minsk, you better watch out.

- Oh, you're going to Minsk?

00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,489

- Well, I might.

- Really?

00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:13,993

Well, if you do, come in the spring.

It's just lovely there.

00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:17,663

- Okay, well, guys?

- Well...

00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:19,748

- Goodbye, Phoebe.

- Bye.

00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:23,502

- Hey, what, are you kidding me?

- Right-o. Right-o.

00:24:27,215 --> 00:24:29,133

Take good care of her.

00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,138

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:37,641

If you want your key back,

I totally understand.

00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:42,313

- It's never gonna happen again, right?

- Right. Never. I swear.

00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:50,196

I... Oh, I just want to say, if you do ever

come to Minsk, that's my number.

00:24:50,363 --> 00:24:53,824

We'll, uh, party up Vladnik-style.

00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:03,375

[RECORDERS PLAYING]

00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:11,342

JOEY:

Yeah. All right.

00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:15,930

Hey, Ross. Check it out.

Sandy taught me "Hot Cross Buns."

00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:19,058

Really? Sounded like "Three Blind Mice."

00:25:19,351 --> 00:25:22,186

- No, "Three Blind Mice" goes like this.

- I swear to God.

00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:29,318

- Who's up for puppets?

- Me. I'm up for puppets.

00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:32,613

Well, please welcome:

00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,740

The Snufflebumps.

00:25:34,908 --> 00:25:38,577

Who wants to be Mr. Wigglemunch

and who's gonna be the Grumpus?

00:25:38,745 --> 00:25:43,958

Okay, okay, how exactly is a 2-month-old

supposed to appreciate puppets?

00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:48,462

Studies show that the movement and

colors help their cerebral development.

00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:52,174

The whimsical characters are just for us.

00:25:56,263 --> 00:25:59,139

I want to be Mr. Wigglemunch.

00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:01,559

Oh, my God.

00:26:01,726 --> 00:26:04,520

Well, I guess we know

who's gonna be the Grumpus.

00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:06,647

[RACHEL & JOEY LAUGH]

00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:12,653

- That was kind of rude.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:16,865

Please apologize to Sandy

and the Snufflebumps for me.

00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:20,369

- You know, he was just doing his job.

- You know what?

00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:26,750

I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't

in love with Gary Poppins out there.

00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:31,797

But I just... I can't go through with this.

00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:33,632

- Come on.

- No. You know what?

00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:38,846

I would never force you to hire someone

you were this uncomfortable with.

00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,393

Ugh, that's true.

00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:45,728

Thank you.

00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:48,314

You want to fire him,

so you're gonna have to go do it.

00:26:48,815 --> 00:26:50,316

[CHUCKLES]

00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:57,573

So you see, Wigglemunch,

that's why it's important to share.

00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:02,620

I am learning so much from you.

00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:08,792

Well, I'm off to Tulsa.

00:27:09,085 --> 00:27:12,421

So if your maître d' friend

has any funny Oklahoma jokes...

00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:17,343

...tell him to e-mail me at

www-dot-ha-ha-not-so-much-dot-com.

00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:21,138

Honey, you can relax.

00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:24,725

Last night at work

Jeffrey told this really sexist joke.

00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:27,811

- After that, not so funny anymore.

- Really?

00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:31,815

See, that's the thing.

You gotta keep it smart, people.

00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:35,319

Okay. Don't miss that flight.

You know I love you.

00:27:35,570 --> 00:27:37,321

I love you too.

00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:41,825

- And I like you as a friend.

JOEY: Right.

00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,536

- See you later.

CHANDLER: See you.

00:27:46,039 --> 00:27:49,625

- Did the guy really make that joke?

- No, he still kills me.

00:27:49,793 --> 00:27:54,088

Last night he had me laughing so hard,

I swear, a little pee came out.

00:28:02,430 --> 00:28:03,597

Here goes.

00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:07,101

I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo.

00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:13,148

Sandy? Hi.

00:28:13,316 --> 00:28:15,067

- Hi.

- We, uh...

00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:17,277

We kind of need to talk.

00:28:21,282 --> 00:28:23,575

I'm afraid it's not working out.

00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:28,247

- Oh.

- Yeah, um...

00:28:28,456 --> 00:28:33,752

I mean, Rachel and I think

you are great with Emma. Um...

00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,172

- We just feel...

RACHEL: You. You feel.

00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:40,718

I just feel...

00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:46,098

...that the chemistry isn't right.

I'm sorry.

00:28:46,266 --> 00:28:48,934

We're more than happy to give you

a good recommendation.

00:28:49,185 --> 00:28:53,522

No, that's okay. I had a lot of offers

from other families.

00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:55,983

I just picked you guys because...

00:28:56,151 --> 00:29:00,237

...I liked you the best.

RACHEL: Oh, damn you, Geller.

00:29:03,491 --> 00:29:06,493

Anyway, uh, well, I'm glad

there's no hard feelings.

00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:11,540

No, none at all. You need to be happy

with whoever is in your home.

00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:15,294

Although, if you don't mind telling me...

00:29:15,462 --> 00:29:18,922

...what was the problem? Maybe it's

something I can work on in the future.

00:29:19,132 --> 00:29:25,262

No, you know, it's, uh, nothing you did.

It's... It's, uh, my issue.

00:29:26,389 --> 00:29:27,973

What is it?

00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:30,267

Uh, heh...

00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:32,060

Please?

00:29:35,648 --> 00:29:38,358

You know, I'm just not, um,

that comfortable...

00:29:38,526 --> 00:29:42,112

...with a guy who's as sensitive as you.

00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:44,198

That's fair.

00:29:45,241 --> 00:29:48,869

Although, can I ask,

why do you think that is?

00:29:49,496 --> 00:29:51,330

Why? I don't know.

00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,587

Um... Uh...

00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:01,590

Maybe because of my father?

00:30:01,758 --> 00:30:03,217

Mm.

00:30:04,511 --> 00:30:08,430

I mean, uh, you know, when I was

growing up, he was a tough guy.

00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:13,477

You know, and as a kid,

I wasn't the athlete I am now.

00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,354

[RACHEL LAUGHS]

00:30:15,855 --> 00:30:18,649

I play squash.

00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:27,825

Anyway, I, uh... I always got the feeling

he thought I was too sensitive.

00:30:28,326 --> 00:30:29,660

That must have been hard.

00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:33,247

It was hard.

00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:39,711

I remember I was in my bedroom,

playing with my dinosaurs...

00:30:40,797 --> 00:30:42,130

Playing and learning.

00:30:44,801 --> 00:30:50,639

And my father walks in and says,

"What are you doing with those things?

00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:56,770

What's wrong with you? Why aren't you

outside playing like a real boy?"

00:30:57,063 --> 00:31:00,357

- But you are a real boy.

- I know I am.

00:31:02,652 --> 00:31:07,781

And when it's summer and it's hot,

why can't you wear a tank top?

00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:15,372

It's all right. Crying is good.

It lets the boo-hoos out.

00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,876

Here comes some more.

00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,679

And what's the one kind of boat

that can never ever sink?

00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:35,851

- What kind?

- A friend ship.

00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:41,064

Wow. You blow my mind.

00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:45,068

- Oh, I gotta go.

- Aw.

00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:47,029

- How much do I owe you?

- Twenty bucks.

00:31:47,655 --> 00:31:50,699

It's like the cheapest college ever.

00:31:53,661 --> 00:31:55,662

[English - US - SDH]