Эпизод с телефонным номером Рэйчел

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And this little guy

in the cat condo is Jinkies.

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Yeah. That's a lot of cats, Jo Lynn.

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Single, are you?

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[PHONE RINGS]

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Chandler Bing.

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JOEY [OVER SPEAKER]:

Hey. You're answering your own phone?

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Where's your crazy assistant?

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What's up, Joe?

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Okay, what have we always wanted

to do together?

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Braid each other's hair

and ride horseback on the beach?

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No. No. No. When you get home

tomorrow night...

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...you and I are gonna be

at the Wizards-Knicks game, courtside.

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- Courtside? Oh, my God.

- Yeah.

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Maybe Michael Jordan will dive for the ball

and break my jaw with his knee.

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That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.

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[PHONE RINGS]

00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,055

- Hello?

- Joey just called.

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He's got courtside Knicks tickets

for him and me tomorrow night.

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Really? But tomorrow night's the only night

I get off from the restaurant.

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If you go, we won't have a night together

for another week.

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But honey, it's courtside.

The cheerleaders are gonna be right in f...

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That's not the way to convince you.

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Chandler, I don't wanna be

one of those wives that says:

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"You can't go to the game.

You have to spend time with me."

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So if you could just realize it

on your own...

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I know. You're right.

I wanna see you too.

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I just gotta figure out a way to tell Joey.

He's really looking forward to this.

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Tell him you haven't seen

your wife in a long time.

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Tell him that having a long-distance

relationship is really difficult.

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Tell him that what little time

we have together is precious.

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Eh, yeah, I'll think of something.

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Wow. Heh. Wow, you look, uh...

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[ROSS CLEARS THROAT]

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I mean, it's just, uh... That dress, uh...

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Well, I hope the ends

of these sentences are good.

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Heh. Oh, they're good. It's just been

a while since I've seen you like this.

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You clean up good.

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Oh, really? Well, thank you.

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[RACHEL CHUCKLES]

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Okay, stop. Stop looking at me like that.

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- Last time that happened, that happened.

- Oh, right, right.

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So are you excited about

your first night away from Emma?

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Yeah, yeah. Phoebe and I

are gonna have so much fun.

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- And thank you for watching the baby.

- Oh, it's fine.

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Actually, I invited Mike over.

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- Phoebe's Mike?

- Yeah.

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- I didn't know you guys hung out.

- We don't...

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...but I thought it'd be nice

to get to know him.

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Maybe have a little dinner,

drinks, conversation.

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Oh, that's so cute.

Ross and Mike's first date.

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Is that gonna be awkward?

What are you guys gonna talk about?

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I don't know. But you know,

we have a lot in common, you know?

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Um, he plays piano.

I played keyboards in college.

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Uh, he's been divorced.

I have some experience in that area.

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[KNOCK ON DOOR]

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RACHEL: Yeah?

- Hi.

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- Hi.

- Hi.

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Ooh. Girls' night out indeed.

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Okay, so I think Emma is probably

down for the night...

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...but if you need anything...

- Rach, we'll be fine.

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- You go have fun.

- Okay, you too.

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- Thanks.

- And I hope you score.

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- Okay. Bye.

- Bye.

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So, welcome.

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- I got beer.

- I got bottled breast milk.

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- Eh, why don't we start with the beer?

- Okay.

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So, um, ahem,

Phoebe tells me you, uh, play piano.

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Yeah.

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You know, I used to, uh,

play keyboards in college.

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Oh. Do you have one here?

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No.

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Okay. Heh.

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MIKE:

Ah.

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Um, uh, you know, I'm divorced.

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Uh, Phoebe... Phoebe says you're...

You've been divorced?

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Yeah, yeah.

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Yeah, I'm sorry.

I don't really like to talk about it.

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That's okay.

We'll talk about something else.

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- So you're a paleontologist, right?

- Yeah.

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- My cousin's a paleontologist.

- Ah.

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Well, he and I would probably have

a lot to talk about.

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MONICA: Hi.

- Hey.

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- Welcome home.

- Oh, well, look at you.

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Yeah. What do you think?

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Well, it looks great. It's just...

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Well, I'm wearing the same thing

underneath, so...

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You see what I mean? Heh.

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[THUD]

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JOEY:

Hey. How come your door's locked?

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- Just a second.

- No, no, no.

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- Joey can't know that I'm here.

- Why not?

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I didn't know how to tell him

I couldn't go to the game...

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...so I told him I had to stay in Tulsa.

- So you lied to him?

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It's always better to lie than to have

the complicated discussion.

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Except with you.

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JOEY:

Hey, open the door. What's going on?

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[KNOCKING]

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- What are you...?

MONICA: Hi.

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Why are you dressed like that?

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[CHUCKLES]

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Because, um, well, Chandler's

gonna be home in a couple of days...

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...so I thought I would just, um, you know,

practice the art of seduction.

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I thought I heard a man's voice before.

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No, I was just doing Chandler's side

of the conversation.

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You know, like, "Hi, how do I look?"

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[MIMICS CHANDLER] "Really sexy.

Could I be any more turned on?"

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You know.

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Okay. Wait a minute.

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Why are there two glasses

of wine out?

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Because one of them is for you.

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Cheers. Okay, bye-bye.

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You know, it's funny. I've been, uh,

practicing the art of seduction myself.

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- You might wanna keep practicing.

- Yeah.

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[PHONE RINGING]

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- It's Joey.

- What?

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- Hey, Joe.

- Dude, come home.

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- What? Why?

- Come home.

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Look, I can't. What's going on?

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I don't know how to tell you this,

but, uh, I think Monica's cheating on you.

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I told you you shouldn't have married

someone so much hotter than you.

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All right, if you can't deal with this,

then I'm gonna.

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- No.

- I just heard him.

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Can you hear him now?

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No. All right, I'm going in.

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- No, wait.

- I heard him again.

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All right, look, just stay there.

I'm coming home.

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Okay, I'll see you when you get here.

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I'm gonna wait out in the hall

in case the dude comes out.

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- Is that really necessary?

- Absolutely. You'd do it for me.

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Not that you ever have to, because

I know how to keep my women satisfied.

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[BOTTLE TOOTING]

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Shouldn't the pizza be here by now?

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I mean, they said 30 minutes or less.

Well, how long has it been?

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Eleven minutes.

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And now 12.

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- So you like the beer?

- I do. I do.

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- Although, it's actually a lager.

- Huh.

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What's the difference

between beer and lager?

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I don't know.

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We could look it up.

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Things are about to get wild.

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Oh, God, remember the girls' nights

we used to have...

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...sitting around talking

about you and Ross?

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Oh, God. It seems like forever ago.

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I know.

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Ah. So, what's going on

with you and Ross?

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Well, um, I don't know.

I mean, for a long time, nothing.

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But, you know, actually,

right before you picked me up...

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...Ross and I had a, uh, little thing.

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Oh, my God. I love things.

What happened?

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Well, um, first he told me

he liked how I looked.

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- Uh-huh.

- And, uh, then we had a little, um...

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...eye contact.

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- Eye contact?

- Mm-hm.

00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,808

I hope you were using protection.

00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:09,482

Excuse me, um, these are from

the two gentlemen at the end of the bar.

00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:13,486

Should we send them something back?

Ooh, let's send them mashed potatoes.

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No, wait. Don't do that.

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That's gonna make them think

they can come over.

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So, what if they do?

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We're not here to meet guys. You have

a boyfriend. I have a baby and a Ross.

00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:29,085

Yeah, but nothing has to happen.

We're just having fun.

00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:33,298

You know, not everything

has to go as far as eye contact.

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Chandler, you have to tell Joey

that you're not in Tulsa.

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Don't you think it's better for him

to think you're cheating on me...

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...than for him to think

I'm cheating on him?

00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,894

I heard it.

00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,855

I don't want him to think

that I'm having an affair.

00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,317

All right, I've got a plan.

I'll go down the fire escape...

00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:55,695

Because all good plans start with,

"I'll go down the fire escape."

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Hear me out, woman.

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I'll go down the fire escape, then I'll wait.

00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,870

Then when I come up the stairs

it'll be like I just got back.

00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:07,040

Then Joey and I will come in

and see that there's no guy in here.

00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:10,669

Aren't you afraid that Joey's

gonna figure all this out?

00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,465

I heard it.

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- I'm just gonna wait.

- The scary pigeon's back?

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It's huge.

00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,054

Oh, my God. I can't believe

you live in that building.

00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,889

My grandmother lives in that building.

00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,475

Ida Green?

No sense of personal space...

00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:10,145

...kind of smells like chicken,

looks like a potato.

00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:13,064

- "Spuds" is your grandmother?

- That's my bubby.

00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,528

So we're on our way

to a couple of parties.

00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:22,782

Um, maybe we can get your numbers

and call if we find something fun?

00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,828

Yeah. I'm sorry, we weren't really

looking for anything to happen...

00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,539

...with you guys. I have a boyfriend.

00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,875

- All right.

- It's no big deal.

00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:38,381

So she has a boyfriend.

What is your situation?

00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:42,343

Oh, well, it's complicated.

I don't actually have a boyfriend, but, uh...

00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,054

Then can I have your number?

00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,390

I'm sorry, no.

00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:48,933

Okay.

00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,227

Oh, sure.

00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,856

Oh, my God, you're giving

your real number.

00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,528

Okay, thanks.

I'll give you a call later tonight.

00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,614

- Great.

- Bye.

00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,032

Bye.

00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,702

Wow. So that's great.

00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:11,581

You, Bill, Ross and Emma

are gonna be so happy together.

00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,166

What were you thinking?

00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:16,795

I don't know. He was cute and he liked me.

It was an impulse.

00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,214

But what about Ross?

What about your moment?

00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,424

- Don't you wanna talk to Ross about it?

- No.

00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:24,719

No, because I know exactly

how the conversation's gonna go.

00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,931

"Hey, Ross, you know,

I think we had a moment before."

00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:31,392

[MIMICS ROSS]

"Yeah. Ahem. Me too."

00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,938

[IN NORMAL VOICE] "Well, but I'm not sure

I really want to do anything about it."

00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:37,732

[MIMICS ROSS]

"Yeah. Ahem. Me neither."

00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,318

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

"Should we just live together...

00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,445

...and not tell each other

how we're feeling?"

00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:44,322

[MIMICS ROSS]

"Yeah, that works for me."

00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,407

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:49,202

Yeah, I see what you mean.

00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:52,664

By the way, nice Ross imitation.

00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,374

But your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.

00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,042

- What? Hey.

- Better.

00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:02,674

The point is maybe I should just stop

waiting around for moments with Ross.

00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:06,052

You know?

I should just move on with my life.

00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,138

So really, you're moving on from Ross?

00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,641

I don't know.

Do I have to decide right now?

00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,769

You kind of just did.

That guy is gonna call you tonight.

00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,939

Ross is gonna pick up the phone,

and that's a pretty clear message.

00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,858

Oh, my God, Ross.

00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,151

Ross is gonna pick up the phone.

00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,363

Oh, I have to get my number back.

Oh, my God, he's gone.

00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,491

[MIMICS RACHEL] "Oh, I have to get

my number back. Oh, my God. He's gone."

00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,909

Dead on.

00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,927

- You know, I'm gonna take off.

- So soon?

00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:49,470

- Yeah.

- Okay.

00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:52,181

Well, thanks, uh... Thanks for the beer.

00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:56,019

- You mean lager?

- Ah, yeah. Good times.

00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,070

[PHONE RINGING]

00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,826

- Hello?

- Hey, Mike, it's me.

00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,912

Listen, is, um... Is Ross near you?

00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,663

Uh, no, I just left.

00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:17,624

Well, you have to go back in.

00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:23,046

What? Go back?

To the land where time stands still?

00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,381

I'm so sorry, honey, but...

00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,550

Okay, Rachel gave this guy

her number...

00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,053

...and, um, she doesn't want Ross

to answer the phone.

00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,221

So you have to intercept all his calls.

00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,932

I can't do that.

00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:37,143

- He says he can't do that.

- Oh, give me the phone.

00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:40,980

Hi, Mike. Hi, listen, I know that this

is a lot to ask, but you know what?

00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:46,527

If you do this,

Phoebe will do anything you want.

00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:50,907

- Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.

- All right. Thank you. Hello?

00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:54,953

Hi, I'm sorry about her. But actually,

she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.

00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,539

All right, I'll do it.

00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,419

But really, how much dirtier can it get?

00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,756

Oh, Mike.

00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,467

Bye.

00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,636

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,807

Hey, buddy.

00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,394

Uh, hi.

00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:23,106

- Um, can I come back in?

- Why?

00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:30,154

Well, I was just thinking about

how much more we have to talk about.

00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,032

But you left.

00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,831

Wow, that didn't take long.

00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,001

I thought you said Tulsa

was like a three-hour flight?

00:16:44,461 --> 00:16:48,172

Well, you're forgetting

about the time difference.

00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,849

JOEY:

Yeah.

00:16:58,642 --> 00:16:59,684

[MONICA GASPS]

00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:00,893

Chandler, you're home.

00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:05,523

That's right. Your husband's home.

So now the sex can stop.

00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:11,988

What are you saying?

00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,032

Joey said you're in here

with another man.

00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,994

There's no man in here.

How dare you accuse me of that.

00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:21,414

All right. All right.

00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:26,169

Then maybe you won't mind if me

and my friend take a look around, huh?

00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,338

[BANGING]

00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:30,548

What's he doing?

00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,051

I arranged some pillows on the bed

to look like a guy.

00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:40,308

Bedroom's clear. Although

you might need some new pillows.

00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,103

All right, well, I'll check the guest room.

00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,106

[SNIFFING]

00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,988

Why do I smell men's cologne?

00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,367

I think that's you.

00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:04,540

Oh, yeah. I rubbed a magazine

on myself earlier.

00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,752

There's nobody here, Joe.

00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:09,587

I guess not.

00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:14,383

I can't believe you thought I was cheating.

You owe me an apology.

00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:17,512

- You're right, Monica. I'm so sorry.

- It's an honest mistake.

00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,806

It could happen to anybody.

All right, see you.

00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,391

JOEY:

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:26,729

If you just got back from Tulsa,

how did your suitcase beat you here?

00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,778

I climbed down the fire escape,

and you can't put that in the closet?

00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:40,660

So with the exception

of the fermentation process...

00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:44,247

...beer and ale

are basically the same thing.

00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,458

Fascinating, isn't it?

00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:51,462

Maybe you should look up "fascinating."

00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:52,839

[PHONE RINGING]

00:18:53,006 --> 00:18:54,674

I'll get it.

00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:03,766

Hello? Ross' place. Mike speaking.

00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,061

It's for you.

00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:14,318

I don't understand

what just happened here.

00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,406

What's going on?

00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,699

I'm sorry.

00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:23,995

I told you I was in Tulsa because I wanted

to spend the night with Monica...

00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,999

...and I didn't know...

I didn't think you'd understand.

00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:32,879

You think I'm too dumb to understand

a husband needs to be with his wife? Huh?

00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:36,174

You think I'm, like, duh.

00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,304

- Joey?

- Yeah.

00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,849

I don't know what to say.

We shouldn't have lied to you.

00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,311

Yeah, I feel so bad. Is there anything

I can do to make it up to you?

00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:54,150

Yeah, you could go to the game with me.

Even though you said you couldn't.

00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:58,779

But then you lied to me and tricked me

and gave me a bump on the head.

00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:02,867

I'm sorry, that's the one thing I can't do.

I promised I'd be with Monica.

00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:04,785

All right.

00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,330

- You can go.

- What?

00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:10,333

You should go to the game.

It's okay. I want you to.

00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:13,461

- Really? You gonna be okay?

- Yeah, I'll be fine.

00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:17,465

You know, maybe I'll stay here

and practice the art of seduction.

00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:22,261

- You're gonna put sweats on and clean.

- It's gonna be so hot.

00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:23,888

- Bye.

- Bye.

00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,223

Thanks.

00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,558

Here's your ticket.

00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,936

Thanks. Hey, listen...

00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:32,730

...I'm never gonna lie to you again, okay?

00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:36,192

And I want you to know

that nobody thinks you're stupid.

00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,069

Thanks, man.

00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,700

- Where you going?

- Game's tomorrow night, Joe.

00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:51,332

- Hi.

- Hi.

00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,335

MIKE:

Oh, God. So glad you're back.

00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,212

[ALL CHUCKLING]

00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,714

So, what did you guys do?

00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:01,717

Oh, you know, we just drank some beer.

00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:04,595

Mike played with the boundaries

of normal social conduct.

00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:05,846

[MIKE CHUCKLES]

00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:08,683

It's true, I did.

00:21:09,559 --> 00:21:10,601

- Well, goodbye.

- Okay.

00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,396

- Bye. That was fun, Pheebs.

- I know. It was fun.

00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:15,356

See you, guys.

00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,733

Rachel, lock the door.

Lock the door, seriously.

00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,071

Oh, shoot, I forgot to pay Phoebe

for the drinks.

00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,493

Wait, wait. Wait, sorry.

Did he call? Did that guy call?

00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,161

No, just his mom.

00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:30,579

Oh. Around 8:30?

00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:32,373

- Yeah.

- Then again at 9:00?

00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:34,792

- Uh-huh.

- Yeah.

00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:36,419

[PHONE RINGING]

00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,008

Hello?

00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:46,012

Uh, no, she's not here right now.

Can I take a message?

00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:49,432

Bill from the bar?

00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:56,022

Okay, Bill from the bar,

I'll make sure she gets your number.

00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:03,696

[DOOR OPENS]

00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:05,781

Ah.

00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,910

So, uh... So how was it?

00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,204

Did you guys...?

You guys have a good time?

00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:16,876

We had so much fun.

It felt so good to be out.

00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,297

Uh, Rach?

00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,215

Yeah?

00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:27,511

Never mind.

00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:36,896

- Hey, you guys.

PHOEBE: Hey.

00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,481

MIKE:

Hey.

00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:42,193

I'll be right back.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:59,168

Stout. That's a kind of beer.

00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,053

[English - US - SDH]