Эпизод со свиданиями вслепую

00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,884

You remembered

to put clothes on this morning.

00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,680

- Fifth day's the charm.

- Oh.

00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:18,436

It's so great to be back here. You're

making it so easy on me and Emma.

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:21,522

It's great having you back.

Stay as long as you want.

00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,400

And when does she stop

crying all night?

00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:31,240

Hey! You're not naked. Heh.

00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:33,993

So, hey, Rash, when will we expect

to see you tonight?

00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,955

I'll probably be back around 6.

But she's in the bedroom, all ready to go.

00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:39,957

But she did fall back to sleep, so...

00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:44,211

She's probably exhausted from all that

adorable screaming she did last night.

00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,880

- Bye.

ROSS: Bye.

00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:49,300

Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it

too hard on you.

00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:50,718

No, hey, it's been great.

00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:51,927

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,597

I want you to know that

with Rachel staying here...

00:00:54,764 --> 00:00:57,933

...all my feelings from before

are totally over.

00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,435

And even if they weren't...

00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:02,188

...when you walk in

on a woman using a breast pump...

00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,565

- Yeah, that'll do it.

- Wow.

00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,485

So how are you?

00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,653

- I'm okay.

- Really?

00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:13,949

Sure. I mean, do I wish me and Rachel

living together would have worked out?

00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:17,953

Of course. You know, I'm disappointed,

but it's not like it's a divorce.

00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,666

- Well, actually it--

- It's not a divorce. It is not a divorce!

00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,880

Anyway, I think Rachel and I

need to get on with our lives.

00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,382

Maybe start seeing other people.

00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,135

Wow. Really?

00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:36,597

Sure, why not? In fact, if you know

anyone that'd be good for me...?

00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:40,017

- Sure. I know lots of girls.

- Yeah? Any names come to mind?

00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,436

Ooh. Names?

00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,480

_H6Y-

_H6Y-

00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,608

- I was just gonna eat. Want something?

- What you got?

00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:33,404

Okay, let's see, we got strained peas,

strained carrots...

00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:36,157

...ooh, strained plums.

We haven't tried that yet.

00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,616

Goody!

00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,744

Thanks. Ha, ha.

00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,998

So how is it living with Rachel again?

00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,667

- I mean, apart from the great food?

- Ha, ha.

00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,836

I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just...

00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:51,505

It's just weird what's happening

with her and Ross.

00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,091

Yesterday he asked me to fix him up

with somebody.

00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,802

Rachel asked me

if I knew anyone for her too.

00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,054

- Why are they doing this?

- I don't know.

00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,599

They're so perfect for each other.

It's crazy.

00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,809

You know what's crazy? These jars.

00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,478

What is there, like, two bites in here?

00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,484

I just wish they'd realize

they should be together.

00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:16,238

When they moved in together, I figured

that's where things were headed.

00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:19,658

They should be a family. They should

marry and have more children.

00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,536

Yes. And they should name

one of their kids Joey.

00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:27,833

I may not have kids. Someone's

gotta carry on the family name.

00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:33,756

You know what? Maybe once they

start dating and see what's out there...

00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:36,508

...they'll realize how good

they are for each other.

00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:39,595

Yeah, because it is slim pickings.

00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:42,556

- I had this date last night. Yuck!

- Mm.

00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,851

But we should probably keep it down,

she's still in the bedroom.

00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:51,649

So, what are we gonna do? Are we

just gonna set them up with people?

00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:55,653

I know, that just pushes them

further and further apart.

00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,448

I know what we can do. We could set

Ross and Rachel up on horrible dates...

00:03:59,615 --> 00:04:02,034

...so they'll realize

how good they are together.

00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:04,370

- Ooh, that's a great plan.

- Yeah.

00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,248

You know what the best part of it is?

I get to do my plan laugh:

00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,500

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,628

[BOTH LAUGH MAN IACALLY]

00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:18,467

Okay. Shh, shh. Not so loud.

We don't wanna wake up, uh...

00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:34,650

Hi. You guys aren't

doing anything tonight, are you?

00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:38,362

See, now, why would you assume that?

Just because we're married?

00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:42,741

I mean, I will have you know

that we are very hip, happening people.

00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:47,288

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to

get back to reading the obituaries.

00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,417

I was just asking because I need

someone to watch Emma tonight.

00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,377

Sure we'll do it.

What are you up to?

00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,087

Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.

00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:56,672

- Oh, my God.

- Wow.

00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,843

- Why? What's the big deal?

- I figured because you and Ross are--

00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:04,430

What? Slept together a year

and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,852

I think it's great you're going on a date.

It sounds healthy.

00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:13,355

I mean, you have needs.

Embrace your womanhood.

00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:17,860

You want a job? Turn off Oprah

and send out a résumé.

00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,324

- I'll bring her by around 7, okay?

- That's perfect.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,535

You guys are gonna have so much fun.

She's at such a cute age.

00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:30,247

A couple things. Now that she eats

solid food, she poops around the clock.

00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:33,334

And watch out for your hair

because she likes to grab it.

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,963

She's also in this phase where if you

leave the room, she screams, but, oh...

00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,965

...thanks, you guys. Have fun.

00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:46,305

Suddenly I wish I was reading

my own name.

00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,810

- Ooh, Joey, hey. I'm so excited.

- Hey.

00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:55,814

- I just set Rachel up with the worst guy.

- All right. Who is he?

00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,233

It's this guy I used to massage.

By "massage"...

00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,403

...I mean hold down so he wouldn't

turn over and flash me.

00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,156

Okay, okay.

00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,992

- Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.

- Oh, yeah.

00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:11,497

She's this really boring woman.

She's a teacher.

00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:16,335

- A teacher?

- She's into history and foreign movies.

00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:19,046

Oh, oh. And she loves puzzles. Huh?

00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,424

Come on, who loves puzzles?

00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,052

Well, Ross does.

00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,930

You're ruining the plan!

00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:31,183

Joey, you fixed him up

with his perfect woman.

00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:33,310

- Oh, my God, you're right!

- Yeah.

00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,230

- She even reads for pleasure!

- Ugh.

00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:37,940

[JOEY SCOFFS]

00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:41,777

- How do you know a woman like that?

- I'm not allowed to know smart women?

00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:45,697

- Joey?

- I met her at the library. I went in to pee.

00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:50,786

- So now what do we do?

- Well, okay.

00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:54,790

I'll call her and tell her the date's

canceled and find him somebody else.

00:06:56,458 --> 00:07:00,087

What if we don't find him somebody

else? We'll just tell her the date's off...

00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:03,549

...but we don't tell Ross. He goes

to the restaurant and gets stood up.

00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,134

Ooh!

00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,718

Ooh, I hear that's bad.

00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:11,640

Ooh, so this is great. Rachel's

gonna have a terrible date...

00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:15,644

...Ross gets stood up, and then they'll

realize how good they have it together.

00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,187

Ah, yes, the plan.

00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,648

Ho-ho-ho.

00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,401

It's not Santa's plan.

00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,363

No, it's:

00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,282

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,910

[BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:36,081

- Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.

- No, I think we killed it.

00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:41,086

Emma? Emma, look at me.

00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:45,591

Well, I think I'll go downstairs

for a while.

00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:52,097

[CRYING]

00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:55,225

No, no, no. No, no, no.

It's okay. It's okay. I didn't go.

00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,644

Don't cry, it's just a bit.

00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,856

I'm your Uncle Chandler.

Funny is all I have!

00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:06,111

Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be

ovulating from tomorrow until the 6th.

00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:09,448

So don't touch yourself

for the next 48 hours.

00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,659

I don't do that.

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,203

I'll try to stop.

00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,165

- Wait, did you say until the 6th?

- Yeah.

00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,917

Today is the 6th.

00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:22,753

No, it's not. Look.

00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,797

Yes, it's also 2003.

00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,842

Oh, my God. Today's the 6th?

00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,844

I may be done ovulating!

00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:35,265

I may have also served some very

questionable meat at the restaurant.

00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,602

- Go take the test, see if we're okay.

- Okay.

00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:41,063

[GIBBERING]

00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,402

Tough crib.

00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:52,157

Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks?

There's only one here.

00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:58,163

I might have checked to see

if I was ovulating a couple times.

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:00,999

Chandler.

00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:04,169

I am not working! There's not much

to do around here!

00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,268

Excuse me. Um-- Heh.

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:22,646

Is there a woman waiting at the bar'?

00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:27,568

Um, someone average height, dark hair?

Or perhaps doing a puzzle?

00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,737

Uh, there's a drunk Chinese guy.

00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:35,367

Well, if I'm still here in an hour,

buy him a drink on me.

00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:38,412

Um, can I get you another glass of wine?

00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:41,582

I don't know if I should.

I don't wanna be drunk when I...

00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,875

...go home alone tonight.

00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:49,089

- Got stood up, huh?

- Eh, it's no big deal. It's just a blind date.

00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,842

Are you worried your date came,

saw you and left?

00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,429

No!

00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,643

We're okay. I'm still ovulating.

00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:06,231

Oh, good, because as of 4:00

this afternoon, I am not.

00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,817

So let's do this.

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,946

- I don't think I can.

- Oh, come on.

00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,574

I know you're not 18 anymore,

but give it a minute.

00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:21,204

- Because of Emma.

- Oh, my God, Emma.

00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,248

Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here.

00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:24,458

[EMMA coos]

00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,210

Oh, you're right, we can't do this.

We can't leave her alone.

00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,296

Sorry.

00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:31,465

Unless...

00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:34,051

...maybe we do it here.

00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:37,054

I mean, how much can she even

be aware of at this age?

00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:41,433

Well, she's aware when we leave a room.

She may notice if we start...

00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,393

...canoodling in it.

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,522

-"Canoodling"?

- Well, I can't say "hump" or "screw"...

00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,775

...in front of the B-A-B-Y.

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:54,363

I don't know,

I guess having sex in front of a baby...

00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,908

-...isn't so--

- Horrifying? Scarring?

00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,535

Something people go to jail for?

00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:04,247

- I guess you're right.

- You guess?

00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,708

At that bed-and-breakfast,

we didn't have sex...

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,045

...because you thought a deer

was staring through the window.

00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:14,007

Well, what kind of a sick bastard

wants to do it in front of a deer?

00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:23,892

Wow, everything looks so good.

00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,478

I think I'm gonna have the chicken.

00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,401

I just have to say this.

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:36,905

- You're really beautiful.

- Oh. Wow, that's very sweet. Thank you.

00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,824

[CHUCKLES]

00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,076

I'm kind of funny-looking.

00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,913

- What?

- Look, I mean, come on...

00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:49,042

...you're way out of my league.

Everybody in here knows it.

00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,378

I bet that guy over there

is probably saying:

00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,423

"Ooh, why's she out with him?

He must be rich."

00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,427

Well, I'm not.

00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:03,181

What do you think you want to order?

I'm real excited about that chicken.

00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,850

I'm not funny, either.

00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,021

So if you were thinking,

"Well, he's not that good-looking...

00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:14,317

...but maybe we'll have some laughs,"

that ain't gonna happen.

00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:20,198

Well, come on, Steve, let's not rule out

nervous laughter. Ha-ha-ha.

00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,162

Hey, now, wait a minute,

Phoebe told me...

00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:28,457

...that you owned

your own restaurant. That's impressive.

00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:32,335

I lost it to drugs.

00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,384

I silk-screen T-shirts now.

00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:43,138

Really? What's that like?

00:12:43,305 --> 00:12:47,184

It's really fulfilling doing something

you hate for no money.

00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:52,355

That's right. I have no money,

I'm not funny...

00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:58,069

...I live in a studio apartment

with two other guys.

00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:02,824

And I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.

00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,705

Now, come on. Come on, Steve.

00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:12,209

There must be something

that you like about yourself.

00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,338

I do like my hair.

00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,133

Really?

00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,095

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,643

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,855

- Hello?

- Phoebe, it's me!

00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:38,318

I'm going to hunt you down

and kill you.

00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,279

Hey, Rach.

00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:46,993

This is the worst date ever! How could

you set me up with this creep?

00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,372

You know, you are talking about

one of my dear, dear friends.

00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:53,416

I don't care. This guy is a nightmare.

00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,294

All right, so he gets a little crazy

when he's stoned.

00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,591

- He's not stoned.

- Did he go out for a cigarette?

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,095

- Yeah. Four times.

- My dear, sweet Rach.

00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,555

Oh.

00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:11,852

Well, our plan is working.

Rachel's having a miserable time...

00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:15,063

...and Ross is just stood up somewhere

at a restaurant all alone.

00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,274

Great. Pretty soon

they'll be back together.

00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,987

By the time anyone's figured out what

we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico.

00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,783

Oh, wait, that's the end

of a different plan.

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,454

[WHISPERS]

Oh, she's asleep. Chandler?

00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:36,918

- What are you doing?

- Emma was doing it.

00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:39,838

She's asleep.

00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,381

Ooh!

00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,801

- She's asleep. That means we can...

- Yes. But we have to be fast.

00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,679

Oh, okay, I'll try.

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:51,099

- And you can't make any noise.

- Okay, I'll try.

00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,189

[WHISTLES]

00:14:58,356 --> 00:14:59,399

Hello?

00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,318

[EMMA CRYING]

00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,987

Emma?

00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,409

Hey! Hi!

00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:13,622

How are you? How are you?

00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,249

Where are your babysitters, huh?

00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:19,711

Why is the bedroom door closed?

00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:23,632

[CHANDLER & MONICA MOANING]

00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:30,931

You can't have S-E-X

when you're taking care of a B-A-B-I-E.

00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:40,774

I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,320

Eh, if it was meant to be,

it's meant to be.

00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:47,447

Look, you got stood up. Who cares?

00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,533

We're gonna show you a good time.

Sit and relax.

00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:54,329

In fact, let me bring you

a crab-cake appetizer on the house.

00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:58,291

Wow, free crab cakes? Well, that's nice.

00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:02,420

Although I was hoping

to have sex tonight. Heh.

00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,839

Ooh.

00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,637

Just the crab cakes.

00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:14,516

What are you doing? Are you trying

to get him to stay? You can't do that.

00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:18,520

- Just get out of here, okay?

- I'm sorry, what's going on?

00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:22,107

Uh, okay, um, the waiters have

a little pool going.

00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:26,903

We have a bet on how long it'll take

before you give up and go home.

00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,490

What?

00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:34,160

You're making money off my misery?

00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,038

Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.

00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:41,835

This is unbelievable. I have never

been so insulted in my life.

00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:45,755

Now, if you'll wrap up my free

crab cakes, I'll be on my way.

00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:53,054

Well, that was weird.

You were loud and I was fast.

00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,140

I think we may have done it this time.

00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:58,059

Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait

to take a pregnancy test.

00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,310

[CHUCKLES]

00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,312

You may wanna get

some more of those too.

00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,483

Where's Emma?

00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,153

Oh, my God, where's Emma?

Where's Emma?

00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,531

Don't ask me.

I was in there canoodling you.

00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:16,119

Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel

came home early and picked up Emma.

00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,663

You go look across the hall,

I'll call her cell.

00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,915

- Okay.

- You better hope we're pregnant...

00:17:21,082 --> 00:17:24,627

...because one way or another,

we're giving a baby back to Rachel!

00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:27,630

[STEVE SOBBING]

00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,759

I can't believe I'm crying

in front of you.

00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,969

You must think I'm so pathetic.

00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,514

No, no, no, I admire a man

who can cry.

00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,476

- Really?

- Don't touch my coat!

00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:41,352

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,772

Oh. Sorry, that's my phone.

00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:46,566

- Hello?

- Hey, Rach, how's it going?

00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,402

Oh, my God,

this is the worst date ever.

00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,529

[WHINES]

00:17:51,696 --> 00:17:53,156

Oh, come on.

00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:57,368

Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did

you really think that this was going well?

00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,791

- What's up?

_Hey, did you stop by here?

00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:06,336

- No.

- Oh, my God! Then...

00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,798

Oh, thank God! Emma, there you are!

00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:15,303

What? What do you mean,

"there you are"? Where was she?

00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:21,142

Uh, we were playing peekaboo.

She loves it when I'm dramatic. Heh.

00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:28,650

- Why the hell did you take her?

- Because you two were having sex!

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:34,155

- No, we weren't.

- Don't you lie to me.

00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:38,409

I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are

so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?

00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,792

All right. All right, we were.

00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,336

We were trying to make a baby.

Monica's ovulating.

00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:51,714

It is unacceptable that you'd

have sex with Emma in the next room.

00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:55,552

- I'm gonna have to tell Rachel about this.

- No, please don't. She will kill us.

00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:58,263

Hey, I gotta. Unless...

00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,514

Unless what?

00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,976

Unless you name

your first-born child Joey.

00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,772

- What? Why?

- Hey, I may never have kids...

00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:10,525

...and somebody's gotta

carry on my family name.

00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,071

Your family name is Tribbiani.

00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:25,123

Oh, ha, ha. You almost had me.

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,922

- Well, um...

- Look“.

00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:37,093

...I think I know the answer

to this question, but...

00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,597

...would you like to make love to me?

00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,189

Really, really not.

00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,358

Ah, it's just as well.

00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,903

It doesn't work anyway.

00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:06,456

All right, well, that's good to know.

Good night, Steve.

00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:14,172

[GRUNTS]

00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,591

[SIGHS]

00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:19,677

- Hey, what's wrong?

- I just had a rough night.

00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,095

Oh. Crab cake?

00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,847

Ugh.

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,350

- Well, what happened?

- Uh...

00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:28,436

Well, I-- It's kind of weird

to talk to you about this, but--

00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:30,647

Monica told me you had a blind date.

00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,315

Yeah.

00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,691

- I did too.

- Oh.

00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:37,987

Uh, but is it technically a date

if the other person doesn't show up?

00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:39,489

Oh.

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:43,326

Oh, no. Do you think she walked in,

saw you and left?

00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,332

Why does everyone keep saying that?

00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,586

If it makes you feel any better,

I wish my date hadn't shown up.

00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,631

- That bad?

- Well, he makes T-shirts for a living...

00:20:56,798 --> 00:21:01,010

...and he thought it would be

appropriate to give me...

00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,804

...this.

00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:07,350

"Female Body inspector"?

00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,728

- What size is that?

- Ugh.

00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:13,481

Now wait a minute.

00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,984

- So they'll name their first child Joey?

- Uh-huh.

00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:18,861

How do I get them to name

the next one after me'?

00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:22,824

It's easy. You just

walk in on them having sex.

00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:26,327

Oh, so they owe me,

like, three Phoebes.

00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:29,789

Oh, my God!

Look, it's Ross and Rachel!

00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,624

The plan is working!

00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,084

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,295

Don't do the plan laugh.

00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:36,754

[CHUCKLES]

00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,841

The first dates we've had in months,

and they were both such disasters.

00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,676

Oh.

00:21:42,093 --> 00:21:44,887

Huh. You know, it is weird...

00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:49,517

...that Phoebe would set me up

on a date that was awful...

00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:54,147

...on the same night Joey set you up

on a date that didn't even show.

00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:57,066

Wait a minute.

00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:00,653

You don't think it was intentional?

00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,281

I mean, that's just stupid.

00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:06,617

We're geniuses. Huh?

00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:11,706

- Look at them! They're really bonding.

- They're falling in love all over again.

00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:16,085

Oh, they see us. Oh, they look mad.

00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,256

Oh, they figured it out.

They're coming. Run!

00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:22,550

- Where?

- Mexico!

00:22:28,306 --> 00:22:30,516

Can you believe they're still not here?

00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:34,896

I know. A double blind date

and we both get stood up.

00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:37,315

What are the chances?

00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:40,526

I know, I'm so bummed.

00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,071

Could we have

our free crab cakes now?

00:22:44,781 --> 00:22:47,533

- What?

- We've been stood up.

00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:50,787

And we want our free crab cakes.

00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:53,623

Guys, give it a rest.

Nobody's betting on you tonight.

00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:58,127

Although we do have a pool going

to see how long it takes that guy to cry.

00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:02,757

I have such fat hands!

00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:10,973

[English - US - SDH]