Эпизод с пластикой груди

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I know. God, I haven't seen

my savings take a hit like this...

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...since I was a kid and they came up

with Double Stuf Oreos.

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- What happened to all of our money?

- Well, I'm not sure exactly what they did...

00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:22,064

...but I'm inclined to blame Enron.

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Well,

I guess with you doing the internship...

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...we're just spending more

than we're bringing in.

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Yeah, maybe I should quit

and get a job that pays.

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But you're finally doing something

that you love.

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I mean, I can't ask you to give that up.

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Although it would be nice if the thing

that you loved was, you know, finding gold.

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You know what? I think we're making

too big a deal out of this.

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Okay? So we pay our bills late

this month.

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Maybe next month,

we cut back on a few things.

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And maybe we start eating

out of Joey's refrigerator for a change.

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You're a chef. What can you make

out of baking soda and beer?

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All right. Worst-case scenario is,

we borrow some money from my parents.

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No, we're not borrowing money.

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- Why not?

- Because we don't do that. We are Bings.

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If there's one thing my father

taught me, it was...

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...well, to always knock

before going into the pool house.

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But the other thing was,

never borrow money.

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Wow, I had no idea

you had this much pride.

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That's right, I do. I am your man.

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And I'm gonna get us

through this situation...

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...even if it means you working

twice as hard.

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[TV PLAYING]

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- I'm gonna go.

- Why?

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I haven't been home in a couple days

and I need to get more clothes.

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You don't have to go.

I have something that'll fit you.

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I put that tube top on as a joke.

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- I want you to stay.

- I want to stay too.

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But I've got as much use

out of these boxers as I can.

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- Why don't you turn them inside--

- Done it.

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- I'll be back in a couple of hours.

- All right. I'll miss you.

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Me too.

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You know what? I just realized

something. I don't want to go home.

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- Great! Okay, I'll go get the tube top.

- No, no, what I mean is...

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-...I hate going back to my apartment now.

- Mm-hm.

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Partly because I live above

a known crack den...

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...but, you know, mostly because

when I'm there, I really miss you.

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So...

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...do you want to move in together?

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Wow, Mike Hannigan...

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...you sure know how to

make a girl say "Hell, yeah."

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- So we're doing it?

- Yeah, let's do it. Let's live together.

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Wow.

We're really gonna move in together?

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Yeah.

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I've always wanted to live with a guy.

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Pick up your socks.

Put down the toilet seat.

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No, we are not having sex anymore.

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It's gonna be fun.

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- Hey, JOEY-

- Hey.

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Listen, I need to know

that what I'm about to ask you...

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...will never get back to Chandler.

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I'd be lying if I said

I hadn't thought about it myself.

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But Chandler is my best friend.

It would be wrong.

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Good, but wrong.

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Okay, first of all, it would be great.

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But that's not what I'm here to talk

to you about. I need to borrow money.

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Oh, I don't know, Monica. You know...

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...lending friends money

is always a mistake.

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- But Chandler lent you money.

- And he would tell you it was a mistake.

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Come on, I just-- I need it

for some rent and some other bills.

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Oh, well... Well, how much?

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- Two thousand dollars?

- Two thousand dollars?

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What do you think I am,

a soap-opera star?

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- Yeah.

- That's right, I am.

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[LAUGHS]

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- Hi, you guys.

MONICA & JOEY: Hey.

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- What's in the bag?

- You know how Emma started crawling?

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I realized that this place

is very unsafe for a baby...

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...so I went to the store and I got some

stuff to baby-proof the apartment.

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Oh, God, baby-proofing.

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Why is it such a big deal now?

You know, when I was a kid, it was like:

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"Whoops, Joey fell down the stairs."

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Or, "Whoops,

Joey electrocuted himself again."

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Anyway, um, are you going to get

a handyman to install this stuff?

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- No, I was just gonna do it myself.

- Ha, ha.

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- You're gonna do it'?

- Yeah. Why?

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- You don't think a woman can do this?

- Women can. You can't.

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Monica, will you please tell Joey

that he is a pig.

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- You're a pig. And you can't do this.

- What?

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What? Come on, I found

the hardware store all by myself.

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The hardware store's

right down the street.

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There is a hardware store

right down the street?

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Hey, you guys?

Okay, we've got great news.

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- Phoebe and I are moving in together.

- Congratulations.

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I know, it's so exciting. You know,

I've never lived with a guy before.

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Well, it's just like living with a girl,

only they don't steal your makeup.

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Unless they're playing

"This ls What My Sister Would Look Like."

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Yeah, she's not so cute.

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- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

- Well, you put down the toilet seat.

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Yes, dear.

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- Is that a bit you guys do?

- Uh-huh. We're playing you two.

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We don't do that.

Tell her we don't do that.

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Yes, dear.

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I can't believe you're moving in together.

That's gre-- I'm happy for you guys.

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- I hear wedding bells.

- Monica, slow down, okay?

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I'm just excited to be living with him.

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You know, I mean, I don't know...

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...can I see someday being

married to Mike? Sure. Yeah.

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You know, I could picture myself

walking down the aisle...

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...in a wedding dress that highlights

my breasts in an obvious yet classy way.

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But do I want that house in Connecticut,

you know, near the good schools...

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...where Mike and I could send

little Sophie and Mike Jr.?

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Oh, my God, I do.

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Phoebe, I had no idea

you were so conventional.

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I know. I guess I am.

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Oh, my God, load up the Volvo,

I want to be a soccer mom.

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- You ready to go?

- Yeah, you bet, roomie.

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Don't you mean "groomie"?

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- What are you talking about?

- Please.

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These guys.

We haven't even moved in yet...

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...and they have us picking out

china patterns.

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[CHUCKLES]

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China patterns!

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This is easy. "Can't do this..."

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Wow, seriously. Can't do this.

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CHANDLER: Hey, Joe.

JOEY: Hey.

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Listen, um, I need to ask you a favor,

and we can't tell Monica anything about it.

00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,743

- I thought you guys didn't have secrets.

- That will remain the official party line.

00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,621

[SIGHS]

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Look, Monica and I are having

a little financial trouble.

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- Yeah, I know.

- What? What do you mean, you "know"?

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Uh...

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I just figured it out, you know?

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I mean, you're not working

and, uh, the economy is bad.

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Oh, right.

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That is the fastest I have ever thought.

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Anyway, uh...

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...I need to borrow some money.

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Oh, sure. Yeah, how much?

Two thousand dollars?

00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,365

Yes, $2000 exactly.

How did you know that?

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Uh, well, I know how much

you used to make...

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...and I know how much your rent is.

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Oh, okay.

00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,711

I am on fire.

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Listen, this is really nice.

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Did you write a check to Monica

for $2000?

00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,222

Did Monica borrow money from you?

00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:19,935

- Uh, kind of.

- I can't believe her.

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Did she tell you we were having

money problems?

00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,232

No, no, no. It wasn't because

of your money problems.

00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:28,443

It was for something for her.

00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,320

What?

00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,655

Something personal.

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What would she get for $2000

that she wouldn't tell me about?

00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:36,201

Excuse me.

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Boob job.

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,501

I don't want her to get a boob job.

That's crazy.

00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,629

Well, it's not that crazy, okay?

00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,382

Making them smaller,

that would be crazy.

00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:57,264

Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you

about Monica's little "groomie" joke.

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Well, I think the reason people laughed

is that it's a play on the word "roomie."

00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,061

No...

00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:08,817

I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was.

00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:12,362

No, the thing I want to say is...

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,490

Maybe we should've

talked about this before.

00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:19,995

Us living together,

you're not expecting a proposal, right?

00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,998

- Oh, no, no. Not at all.

- Okay.

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:26,627

We're just moving in right now.

We'll see where it goes.

00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:31,214

Yeah, well, that's the thing.

For me, it's as far as it can ever go.

00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,594

- What do you mean?

- Look, Phoebe, I...

00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:40,140

I love you very much.

But I never want to get married again.

00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,267

Oh.

00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,730

- Wow.

- It's just, my first marriage was...

00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:50,484

...you know, such a disaster that

I kind of lost faith in the whole idea.

00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,695

- Mm-hm. Was it really that bad?

- At one point, near the end...

00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:57,699

-...she deliberately defecated on my--

- Okay, well, that's bad. Yeah.

00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:03,872

But don't you think it might be

different with someone else? Perhaps...

00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,667

...a blond who always uses the toilet?

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,422

Except for once in the ocean.

00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:15,217

Look, it's not about who I would marry.

00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:18,929

I was certain the first time I got married

it would last forever. I was wrong.

00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,807

- But, it just--

- Look, Phoebe, it's not about you.

00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,267

I just never want to get married again.

00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,980

- Ah.

- I'm sorry.

00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:34,069

Are you okay with that? If not, maybe

us moving in together isn't the best idea.

00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:37,739

No. Oh, I definitely don't

want to get married.

00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:41,785

No, I just wanted to make sure

you didn't want to, too.

00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,914

Because, you know, if we move in

and you start changing your mind...

00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:48,041

...there is gonna be hell to pay, mister.

00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,670

- Trust me. I will never--

- Yeah, I get that. Yeah.

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,973

Hi. So you gave in

and decided to call someone?

00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:07,477

Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding.

I can barely use chopsticks.

00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,689

- You're all set.

- Oh, thank you so much.

00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,191

Wait. You forgot your, um...

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,777

Your game.

00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,529

Thank you.

00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:24,786

Hey, Rach. There she is,

my perfectly proportioned wife.

00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:29,666

Don't look at me. I never get his jokes.

00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,961

- Thank you?

- No, no. Don't thank me.

00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:37,090

Thank you. Do you know there is not

one thing that I would change about you?

00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:40,552

Not one single thing.

And definitely not...

00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:43,096

...two single things.

00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,391

Okay, you're being weird.

Do you want sex...

00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,477

...or did you do something bad?

00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:52,314

No. No. No. I just love

the way you look. I am warm...

00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:54,274

...for your form.

00:12:56,818 --> 00:13:00,155

Okay, um, you know the old classics like,

you know, "You look nice"?

00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,448

They're still okay.

00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:05,035

But "you look nice" could mean

that I'm saying, "Your face looks nice."

00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,788

I want to compliment your body.

00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,333

I mean, I wouldn't change it at all.

00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:15,253

And more specifically, I wouldn't

want anything to get any bigger.

00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,964

- Okay.

- I mean...

00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,259

...you wouldn't want any part of me

to get any bigger, would you?

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,056

Don't answer that.

00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:32,896

Just when you thought that dude

couldn't get any weirder.

00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:36,817

I know. Why do you think he was

so worried about me getting bigger?

00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,110

I don't know.

I mean, what brought that on'?

00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:43,281

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know what?

We're trying to get pregnant...

00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:46,785

...so he's probably starting to freak out

that my body's gonna change.

00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:49,412

- You think that's what it is?

- You heard him.

00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:52,541

"No bigger. You're perfect.

Just don't get any bigger."

00:13:52,707 --> 00:13:55,544

My God, he sounded just like

my high-school wrestling coach.

00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,676

- I'm gonna have to talk to Chandler.

- Yeah. If you don't, I will.

00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:06,596

Of course your body's gonna change.

Your breasts are gonna get bigger...

00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:09,099

...your ass is gonna get bigger...

00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:12,185

...you're gonna lose bladder control.

00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,191

God, it's just such a magical time.

00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:23,738

[KNOCKING ON DQOR]

00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:25,699

- Hi.

- Hey.

00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,034

Listen, I wanted to ask you

something about marriage.

00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,120

Now you're seeking me out

to make jokes?

00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:34,249

I mean, I can see if we're all hanging

out, but to come to my home...

00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,877

No, I really want to know

how you feel about it.

00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,714

- Why?

- Mike doesn't ever want to get married.

00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,425

- Never?

- Never.

00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:46,887

Wow. Are you still gonna

move in with him?

00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:51,808

I want to, but I wanted you to tell me

that marriage really isn't that big a deal.

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:56,396

You know, that I won't be missing out

on anything. That marriage stinks.

00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,150

Yeah, marriage stinks.

00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:05,405

I mean, if you want to see a man gain

weight and a woman stop shaving...

00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,365

...get them married.

00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:11,578

- That's not how you really feel, is it?

- No, I'm sorry.

00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,749

Look, I know it's not what you want to hear,

but I can't help it.

00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,334

I love marriage.

00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,753

Seriously, you? Divorce-0?

00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:25,800

If you have to call me a name, I'd prefer

"Ross, the Divorcer." It's just cooler.

00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:31,056

Look, look, I know my marriages

didn't exactly work out...

00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:34,392

...but, you know, I loved being

that committed to another person.

00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,521

And Carol and I had some good times

before she became a lesbian.

00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,274

And once afterward.

00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,860

Anyway, I'm sorry.

00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:46,446

Ugh. It's okay. That's how you feel.

00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,617

But, come on, I mean,

living together will be great.

00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:53,620

I mean, you guys have so much fun.

And you love Mike.

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,498

- I do love Mike.

- Yeah, see?

00:15:56,706 --> 00:16:00,001

And you were so excited about

moving in together before...

00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,671

...and you know what? You should be.

It's a big deal.

00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,424

Yeah, I guess you're right.

00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,760

Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.

00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,471

The Divorcer to the rescue.

00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,099

- It's not cooler.

- Yeah, I just heard it.

00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,149

Oh.

00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,115

Rash?

00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,500

Rachel?

00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,141

So I can't do anything I like?

00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:58,852

Hey, Rach.

00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:03,773

Ah, perfection.

Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.

00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:04,983

- Honey?

CHANDLER: Yeah?

00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,776

About that.

00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:12,824

- Um, I'm going to change.

- Yes, but, honey, you don't have to.

00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,118

I'm gonna get bigger.

00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,703

Honey, I...

00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,873

I love your breasts the way they are.

00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:22,751

Ugh. Fascist.

00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,379

Well, my breasts are gonna get bigger

whether you like it or not.

00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:30,050

And it's not just my breasts.

My ass is gonna get bigger too.

00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,885

Your ass?

00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:36,181

And don't be surprised if her hands

and her feet get bigger too.

00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:41,478

- They do that?

- It's kind of a package deal.

00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:46,191

God, why? Why would you

want to do that to yourself?

00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,110

I thought it was something

that we both wanted.

00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:53,281

If it means that much to you, I may be

able to get on board with the big boobs...

00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,575

...but the giant ass

and the big clown feet?

00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,871

Oh, my God, Chandler.

00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:03,124

If you can't handle this,

what are you gonna be like in the hospital...

00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:07,504

...with the blood and screaming and the

little person that's shooting out of her?

00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:11,758

What?

00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:22,644

Joey, why did you tell Chandler

that Monica was getting a boob job?

00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,522

Because she is.

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,526

- Chandler knows I borrowed the money.

- Mm-hm. For your boob job.

00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,528

- Joe...

- It's over.

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:35,406

Okay, so I'm out $4000 and

nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?

00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:45,834

Hey. Hey, what do you guys think

about this: Ross, the Divorce Force.

00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,878

- Better.

- Yeah?

00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,089

Very cool.

00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:56,553

Hey, Pheebs? You know, I'm really glad

you came to talk to me the other day...

00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,764

-...and I hope I was a little helpful.

- Oh, yeah, you were helpful.

00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,724

- Yeah. No, thank you.

- Good. Good.

00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,270

Because the more I thought about it,

the more I realized...

00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:09,107

...I don't think marriage is necessarily

the right path for you.

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:10,525

What do you mean?

00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:12,777

I know the other day

in the coffeehouse...

00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:16,072

...you were all caught up

in the whole soccer-mom thing...

00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:20,451

...but is that really you? I mean, can you

honestly picture yourself in a Volvo?

00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:24,372

They are awfully boxy.

00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:30,420

I mean, I don't know, you'd be so bored

with marriage. I mean, it's so normal.

00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,715

Uh-huh. Yeah.

00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,466

Hey, can I help?

00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:39,220

Well, we climbed up four flights of stairs,

maneuvered a narrow hallway...

00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:43,725

...dodged a rabid pit bull. But these last

three feet are where it gets really tricky.

00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,314

You know, sometimes your words,

they hurt.

00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,776

Hey, where do you guys want this?

00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,571

Yeah, seriously,

because this is really heavy.

00:19:56,738 --> 00:20:01,159

I mean, not for me, because I'm only

pretending to hold it, but for these guys.

00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:08,875

Just one last time on the marriage thing.

There's no wiggle room? None at all?

00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:12,170

No, but you don't want to

get married either, right?

00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,588

Right.

00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,132

Except that I do want to get married.

00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:19,469

Couldn't have had this conversation

down at the truck, huh?

00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,347

What? You want to get married?

00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:24,182

Someday.

00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,685

And hernia.

00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:35,109

I haven't had a normal life. And I never

felt like I was missing out on anything.

00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:39,697

But it feels like now it's my turn

to have some of the regular stuff.

00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:43,284

If you wanted to get married,

why didn't you say something before?

00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,411

Because I didn't know

how much I wanted it.

00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,581

And I love you,

and I wanted to live with you.

00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,708

I wanna live with you too.

I mean, let's do that.

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,002

But I don't think I can.

00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:57,090

It was okay to move in when

I didn't know what was gonna happen.

00:20:57,257 --> 00:21:00,802

But I can't move in knowing nothing

is ever gonna happen.

00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,722

Can we at least try living together? You

might change your mind about marriage.

00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:07,267

Are you gonna change yours?

00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,311

No.

00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,189

Me neither.

00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:22,115

Um, I think I need to be with someone

who wants what I want.

00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:27,120

But I don't want this to end.

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:29,706

No, I don't want it to end either.

00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:35,712

I can't believe this is gonna end.

00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:41,342

I guess I'll have my stuff picked up.

00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:44,262

Yeah. Okay.

00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:50,059

Okay, so, uh...

00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,408

Good bye.

00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,705

- Take it easy, Mike.

- Bye, Mike. See you later, Mike.

00:22:14,917 --> 00:22:16,461

I'm so sorry, Pheebs.

00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:18,796

We're all sorry.

00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,760

Look on the bright side.

00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:27,347

I mean, at least you

won't have to live with this ugly chair.

00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:30,433

That was here already, huh?

00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:32,852

I love you.

00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:48,117

I did it! I did it! Ha, ha!

00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:50,244

All right.

00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,877

I'd better take all I can carry.

00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,298

Who knows when I'll be able

to get in here again, huh?

00:23:07,178 --> 00:23:09,180

[English - US - SDH]