Эпизод с «мыльной» вечеринкой

00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:09,414

Oh, well, let me see.

I believe I'm...

00:00:09,581 --> 00:00:11,749

Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.

00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,129

Well, my agent hooked me up

with six tickets to a great play.

00:00:16,296 --> 00:00:17,922

I could fall asleep at a play.

00:00:19,090 --> 00:00:21,134

- What is it?

- It's a one-woman play called:

00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:24,304

Why Don '2' You Like Me?

A Bitter Woman's Journey Through Life.

00:00:24,471 --> 00:00:25,513

PHOEBE:

Ooh.

00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:28,683

- That sounds interesting.

- That does sound interesting.

00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:32,145

To listen to a woman complain for

two hours. I don't think it gets bet--

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[SNORES]

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I know! I know. We can drive.

We can vote. We can work.

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What more do these broads want?

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Well, you guys will have a great time.

I promise.

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What? How come you don't have to go?

00:00:46,409 --> 00:00:47,994

I wish I could, but I found out...

00:00:48,161 --> 00:00:51,664

...that I have to be at work really

early the next day, so I can't go.

00:00:51,831 --> 00:00:54,459

But take the extra ticket

and invite whoever you want.

00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:57,545

Ooh. Let's see. Who do I hate?

00:00:59,797 --> 00:01:01,174

Oh, sorry.

00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,967

- Oops, sorry.

- Okay.

00:01:03,134 --> 00:01:04,719

- Okay.

- Okay. Up you 90-

00:01:04,886 --> 00:01:07,096

RACHEL: Oh, gosh, okay!

- All right.

00:01:08,681 --> 00:01:11,434

[RACHEL GIGGLING]

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- Can I ask you a question?

- Yeah.

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Do you think it's possible

for two friends to fool around...

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...and not have it be a big deal?

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No, I don't think that ever works.

Why?

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- No reason.

- No, no. Rachel?

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- Yeah.

- Who do you want to fool around with?

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Nobody! Forget it.

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[BOTH WHISPERING]

Joey?

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Maybe.

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- You can't.

- Why?

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Because.

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[MUMBLING]

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[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, seriously,

did not understand a word you just said.

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- In the hall.

- Okay.

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- You wanna fool around with Joey?

- Yeah.

00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,445

Ever since I had that dream about him,

I can't get it out of my head.

00:02:04,612 --> 00:02:07,240

I mean, what's the big deal?

People do it all the time.

00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,076

Who do you know that are friends

that just fool around?

00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:14,497

Okay. Off the top of my head...

Don and Janet.

00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:17,333

- Who are they?

- I know them from work.

00:02:18,001 --> 00:02:20,295

- Both of them?

- No, just one of them.

00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:22,255

Which one?

00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:25,341

I don't know.

What were the names I just said?

00:02:25,508 --> 00:02:28,303

No, Rachel, things could get

incredibly complicated.

00:02:28,469 --> 00:02:31,931

You're right. I won't do anything

with Joey. I just thought it--

00:02:32,098 --> 00:02:36,936

Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon,

a pound of baking soda and a red onion?

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What the hell are you cooking?

00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,160

- Hey.

CHANDLER: Hey.

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You guys won't believe

what I have to do for work today.

00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:41,918

Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career

of talking about dinosaurs.

00:03:43,002 --> 00:03:46,506

There are these two professors

who are joining my department...

00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:50,718

...and I have to meet them here

and show them around campus.

00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,011

What's bad about that?

00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,889

I just know they'll be

a couple of old windbags...

00:03:55,056 --> 00:03:58,601

...wearing tweed jackets

with suede elbow patches.

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Ross?

00:04:00,853 --> 00:04:03,523

What? These aren't suede.

00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:10,196

Excuse me. I'm looking for someone.

00:04:10,363 --> 00:04:13,408

You don't, by any chance,

know a Ross Geller?

00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:14,617

No.

00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:21,457

Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller.

00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:25,128

- Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler.

- Oh.

00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,840

Oh, that's-- That's--

That's nice.

00:04:29,507 --> 00:04:30,842

It's good to meet you.

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Thank you so much for taking the time

to show me around.

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No, it's no big deal.

00:04:36,055 --> 00:04:40,393

If I weren't doing this, I'd just,

you know, be at the gym working out.

00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:42,729

Is he gonna introduce us?

00:04:42,895 --> 00:04:46,232

I think we're just blurry shapes

to him now.

00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,402

By the way,

I really enjoyed your paper...

00:04:49,569 --> 00:04:53,030

...on the connection between geographic

isolation and rapid mutagenesis.

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I wrote that in one night.

00:04:58,870 --> 00:05:01,414

Twenty bucks says they're married

within the month.

00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:04,709

Well, we should probably get going.

00:05:05,626 --> 00:05:07,670

We've got a lot of ground to cover.

00:05:07,837 --> 00:05:10,548

Isn't another professor

supposed to come with us?

00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,426

I don't think so.

00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:16,429

I'm pretty sure.

A Professor Spafford from Cornell?

00:05:16,596 --> 00:05:19,682

Well, he's obviously late,

and the rule in my class is:

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If you can't come on time,

then don't come at all.

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An option that many of my students use.

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- Shall we?

- We shouldn't wait for him?

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You know what, he's a big boy.

I'm sure he'll find us, okay?

00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,073

- Professor Geller?

- Oh, damn it!

00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:46,584

[MACHINE BEEPS]

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JAN [ON MACHINE]: Hi, it's Jan Rogers.

Can't wait for your party tonight.

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Listen, I forgot your address.

Can you give me a call? Thanks. Bye.

00:05:55,676 --> 00:05:57,553

- Hey!

- Hey!

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What's happening?

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It's a real shame you can't make it

to that one-woman show tonight.

00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:06,562

I'd love to, but I gotta get up

so early the next day.

00:06:06,729 --> 00:06:10,441

- You know me, work comes first.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:11,776

[MACHINE BEEPS]

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JAN: Hi, it's Jan Rogers.

Can't wait for your party tonight.

00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:19,575

Stupid Jan Rogers!

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You are having a party tonight?

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I'm kind of having a thing

for the Days of our Lives people.

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You weren't gonna tell us?

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How did you think

you'd get away with that?

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I do it every year.

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You do that every year?!

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I didn't have to tell you that!

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God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!

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That's why you got us tickets

to that play, to get rid of us!

00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:46,936

Yeah.

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Last year is that why you sent us

to that Medieval Times restaurant?

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Yeah.

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The year before that, you set up that

nighttime tour of that button factory?

00:06:57,613 --> 00:06:59,782

I can't believe you guys went

for that one.

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Why wouldn't you invite us

to your parties?

00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:07,665

You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts

like an idiot around famous people.

00:07:07,832 --> 00:07:10,710

Well, then, so just invite me.

00:07:11,294 --> 00:07:14,547

Please, I was trying to be nice.

You're the worst one.

00:07:14,714 --> 00:07:18,718

Joey, come on! Please, please?

Let me come. I will behave. I promise.

00:07:18,885 --> 00:07:22,388

- I will behave. Please, please, please.

- Okay, fine. You can come.

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But don't tell anybody else.

It's up on the roof at 8.

00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:27,935

A soap-opera roof party?!

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I'm going to a soap-opera roof party!

Uh, my God! Oh, my God!

00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,527

And it's out of my system.

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And then my wife and I went

on a cruise to the Galépagos.

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There was a seafood buffet

you wouldn't believe.

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There were clams and mussels

and oysters...

00:07:57,590 --> 00:07:59,884

...and cracked crab...

00:08:00,051 --> 00:08:02,219

...and snow crab...

00:08:02,386 --> 00:08:04,889

...and king crab.

00:08:05,056 --> 00:08:08,184

It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.

00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:12,688

So where did you get

your undergraduate degree?

00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:16,609

- And that's not all I'm allergic to.

- Oh, it's not over.

00:08:16,776 --> 00:08:20,905

I'm also allergic to peanuts

and cashews...

00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:23,240

...and almonds and filberts--

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So basically all nuts!

00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,495

Interestingly, no.

00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:32,166

You're kind of playing it fast and loose

with the word "interesting."

00:08:33,876 --> 00:08:37,546

If you'll excuse me,

I'm going to use the restroom.

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Qh, my God!

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I've lost the will to live.

00:08:44,428 --> 00:08:45,930

- Let's ditch him.

- What?

00:08:46,097 --> 00:08:48,808

While he's still in the bathroom.

I am begging you.

00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:52,770

Okay. Okay, fine,

but I just have one question for you.

00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:56,023

When we exit, should we walk or run...

00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:58,567

...or prance or stroll--?

00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:03,572

Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow,

but he might pee fast. Okay, let's move!

00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,543

Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie.

00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:18,629

Charlie, this is Phoebe

and my sister, Monica.

00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,966

PHOEBE & MONICA: Hi.

- Charlie will be joining my department.

00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,301

- You're a paleontologist too?

- Yeah.

00:09:24,635 --> 00:09:26,679

Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...

00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:31,183

...of Renyard's new theory of species

variegation in segmented arthropods?

00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:36,397

I think he's a little out there,

but he does have some interesting ideas.

00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:38,357

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:41,402

Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.

Excuse me.

00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:44,280

Renyard's theory of species variegation?

00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:49,618

I saw the article on your coffee table.

I memorized the title to freak you out.

00:09:51,787 --> 00:09:53,456

So did you two have fun?

00:09:53,622 --> 00:09:56,083

Oh, my God. She's great.

00:09:56,250 --> 00:10:00,546

We have so much in common, and she's

just cool, you know? And funny.

00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:04,425

And I don't know if you've noticed,

but she's a hottie!

00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:05,801

Hi!

00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:11,766

- Hey.

PHOEBE: Hey.

00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:15,728

Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what,

I'm not feeling really well...

00:10:15,895 --> 00:10:19,315

...and I don't think I'm gonna get

to go to the play.

00:10:19,482 --> 00:10:20,816

Really? What's wrong?

00:10:20,983 --> 00:10:23,194

I don't know.

I think it's kind of serious.

00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,822

You know, I was watching this thing

on TV this morning...

00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:31,243

...about Newcastle disease,

and I think I might have it.

00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:34,121

Newcastle disease is

a secretion-borne virus...

00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:37,041

...that only affects chickens

and other poultry.

00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,961

Okay, who's this?

00:10:41,504 --> 00:10:44,840

I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler.

She's a colleague.

00:10:45,007 --> 00:10:46,926

Hi. Well, I would shake your hand...

00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:50,387

...but I'm sure you don't want

to get my chicken disease.

00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:54,141

- Rachel, can I see you for a second?

RACHEL: Sure.

00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:58,938

[RACHEL GROANS]

00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:00,606

You're not sick.

00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,733

What? Yes, I am!

00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,361

Okay, then why are you all dressed up?

00:11:05,569 --> 00:11:06,821

[RACHEL GASPS]

00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:11,408

When you're sick, you do whatever

you can to make yourself feel better.

00:11:12,993 --> 00:11:16,288

You just want to stay home

so you can make a move on Joey.

00:11:16,455 --> 00:11:19,250

No, I heard you before.

That is so not what this is.

00:11:19,416 --> 00:11:21,669

Okay, then what is this?

00:11:22,336 --> 00:11:23,379

Okay.

00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:27,633

Joey is having a secret

Days of our Lives party up on the roof.

00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,344

And he sent you guys to the play

to get rid of you.

00:11:30,761 --> 00:11:32,513

What?!

00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:34,598

What? What's going on?

00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:38,394

Joey is having a secret

Days of our Lives party up on the roof!

00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:42,982

He didn't want you to know about it,

but I came over here to tell you.

00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:47,111

- You came to say you were sick.

- All right, professor or detective?

00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:51,824

Wait, Joey's having a party,

and he wasn't gonna invite us?

00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:55,578

He does it every year.

That's why he's sending you to the play.

00:11:55,744 --> 00:11:59,957

That's why he sent us to that medieval

restaurant and to that button factory.

00:12:00,124 --> 00:12:02,376

And that horrible museum tour?

00:12:02,710 --> 00:12:04,503

No, I arranged that.

00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:08,340

[KNOCKING]

00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:11,302

Hey, you guys, I'm turning in.

Have fun.

00:12:14,722 --> 00:12:16,432

We know about your party, Joey.

00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:20,102

- What party?

- The game's over. Take off your robe.

00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:23,063

Okay, I mean...

00:12:23,689 --> 00:12:25,441

ALL:

No!

00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:28,986

Close it up! Close it up!

00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:32,323

Nice to meet you.

00:12:42,374 --> 00:12:44,293

JOEY:

Hey, you made it! All right!

00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:46,670

Glad you could make it.

Thanks for coming.

00:12:47,046 --> 00:12:50,007

- Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder!

- Hi.

00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:52,426

I love you!

00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:56,263

Hey. That's why I didn't invite you.

You have to calm down, all right?

00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:58,432

Just get yourself a drink

or something.

00:12:58,599 --> 00:13:01,477

Oh, yeah, that's what you want.

My inhibitions lowered.

00:13:01,685 --> 00:13:02,728

PHOEBE:

Hey.

00:13:02,895 --> 00:13:05,314

My God, can you believe

we're surrounded by all this?

00:13:05,481 --> 00:13:07,024

I can barely control myself.

00:13:07,191 --> 00:13:09,818

You might want to remember

that you're married.

00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,238

Where is Chandler anyway?

00:13:12,404 --> 00:13:13,989

Oh, my God! Chandler!

00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:23,332

Where the hell is everybody?

00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:28,170

Why Don '2' You Like Me?

00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:35,386

Chapter 1: My First Period.

00:13:39,974 --> 00:13:42,059

Hey, Joey said no autographs.

00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:44,353

But if she's getting one,

I want one too!

00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,649

"To Monica." And none of this

"best wishes" crap. I want "love."

00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:53,862

Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was

giving me his phone number.

00:13:54,029 --> 00:13:56,824

Oh, man! lfl had known

I was coming to this party...

00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:58,867

...I never would've gotten married!

00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:02,121

- It was nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,373

- Call me.

- We will!

00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,169

- Look at you with all the guys!

- Yeah.

00:14:09,336 --> 00:14:10,713

I guess you've forgotten Joey.

00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,674

Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten

aboutJoey.

00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:16,218

And clearly, you've forgotten

about Chandler.

00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:19,346

Please. Chandler's

the love of my life.

00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,598

Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!

00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,564

So it's probably gonna be hard

for you to leave Boston, huh?

00:14:28,731 --> 00:14:32,609

Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving.

I just broke up with someone.

00:14:32,776 --> 00:14:35,029

Oh, so sad.

00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:38,282

Still, it can't be easy

for you to leave Harvard.

00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:42,536

Especially after working with a Nobel

Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.

00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:45,748

Actually, Albie is the guy

I broke up with.

00:14:45,914 --> 00:14:49,043

- You dated Albert Wintermeyer?

- Yeah.

00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:52,129

And you called him "Albie"?

00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:57,176

I mean, that's like calling

Albert Einstein...

00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,011

Albie.

00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:03,057

Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.

00:15:03,223 --> 00:15:05,392

You think?

I mean, you dated the guy...

00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:09,021

...who improved the accuracy

of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!

00:15:09,188 --> 00:15:13,525

Yes, and while that is everything

one looks for in a boyfriend...

00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:15,361

...he had a lot of issues.

00:15:15,527 --> 00:15:17,404

Oh, like what?

00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,949

I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry.

It's just that this must be...

00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:25,287

...what regular people experience

when they watch Access Hollywood.

00:15:25,746 --> 00:15:27,498

Okay, you want the dirt?

00:15:27,664 --> 00:15:29,792

Albie was seriously insecure.

00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:33,170

He was really intimidated by the guy

I dated before him.

00:15:33,337 --> 00:15:36,757

Who's intimidating to a guy

who won the Nobel Prize?

00:15:36,924 --> 00:15:38,926

A guy who won two.

00:15:39,468 --> 00:15:40,761

Two? What--?

00:15:40,928 --> 00:15:43,889

Don't tell me you dated

Benjamin Hobart?

00:15:44,056 --> 00:15:45,933

Yeah, for three years.

00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,476

Oh, my God.

00:15:48,352 --> 00:15:52,648

Have you ever dated someone

who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?

00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:55,776

No.

00:15:56,568 --> 00:15:58,695

But there was

my first boyfriend, Billy.

00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:01,198

Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?

00:16:01,365 --> 00:16:04,660

No, but he did just win

a MacArthur "genius grant."

00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,663

What a loser.

00:16:09,248 --> 00:16:11,125

Some more wine?

00:16:15,295 --> 00:16:17,714

Hey, Ross. How's it going

with Charlie?

00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,758

Oh, great. After I finish my wine...

00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:23,846

...I'm gonna blow

my average-sized brains out.

00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:25,597

What's the matter?

00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:30,394

She only dates geniuses

and Nobel Prize winners.

00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:33,355

Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant

earlier today...

00:16:33,522 --> 00:16:37,860

...I put chopsticks in my mouth

and pretended to be a woolly mammoth.

00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,279

I always loved that.

00:16:40,446 --> 00:16:43,949

Of course you would!

Your brains are smaller than mine!

00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,120

I can't compete with the guys

she goes out with.

00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:50,831

They're so out of my league.

00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,458

Qh, my God!

00:16:52,624 --> 00:16:54,585

- Worse?

- Oh, much, much worse.

00:16:54,751 --> 00:16:58,922

I did my impression of Joan Rivers

as one of the earliest amphibians.

00:16:59,089 --> 00:17:00,215

"Can we walk?"

00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:04,720

- Oh, you like that?

- No.

00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,138

What?

00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:09,641

Come on! I think that's funny!

00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:11,935

Woolly mammoth.

00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,812

L'I'S good!

00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:20,110

I bet you're thinking that now would be

a great time for an intermission, huh?

00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:22,905

Oh, yes. God, yes.

00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,407

Well, you're not gonna get one!

00:17:25,574 --> 00:17:28,994

Because in life, there are

no intermissions, people!

00:17:30,245 --> 00:17:34,041

Now, Chapter 7:

Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!

00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,337

How could he leave me?!

00:17:40,088 --> 00:17:42,758

I don't know. You seem lovely.

00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:53,977

Ross, this is one of my costars, Dirk.

Dirk, this is my good friend Ross.

00:17:54,144 --> 00:17:56,563

- Nice to meet you.

- So, what show are you on?

00:17:56,730 --> 00:18:00,108

I'm not an actor.

I'm a professor of paleontology.

00:18:00,943 --> 00:18:02,694

- That's science.

- Oh.

00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,989

Hey, well, listen,

I play a scientist on Days.

00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:09,034

Yeah, my character just won

a Nobel Prize.

00:18:10,953 --> 00:18:15,874

Dirk was wondering about the woman

you brought and if you two are together?

00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,293

Oh. Well, no, but...

00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:22,381

I mean, she only goes out

with really, really smart guys.

00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:25,676

Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.

00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,971

I'd lead with that.

00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:34,059

That's it. Just sign right on the bra.

00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:35,978

JOEY:

Monica!

00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:39,690

Don't worry, Joe.

I won't come next year!

00:18:43,735 --> 00:18:44,987

What the--?

00:18:45,153 --> 00:18:46,446

What do you got there?

00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:49,116

Just some boys gave me

their phone numbers.

00:18:49,283 --> 00:18:51,535

- Oh, really? Let me see.

- Oh.

00:18:52,327 --> 00:18:54,746

Damn, that's a lot of guys.

00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:57,207

Are you a little slutty?

00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,169

I think I am.

00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:04,381

Let me see if I approve

of any of these clowns.

00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,800

- This guy wears a rug.

- Well...

00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:09,386

This guy's Canadian.

00:19:09,886 --> 00:19:12,472

Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay?

00:19:12,639 --> 00:19:17,394

It'll cost you $5000 to get to level three,

and I don't feel any different.

00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:21,064

Pass. Pa-- Oh, pass. Pass.

00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:24,443

- Why? What's wrong with these guys?

- Well, nothing major.

00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:28,030

It's just that, you know,

they're not really good enough for you...

00:19:28,196 --> 00:19:30,407

...and you deserve the best.

00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:32,826

Joey, you're so sweet.

00:19:32,993 --> 00:19:37,372

It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already

know who you're going home with.

00:19:37,539 --> 00:19:39,249

Who?

00:19:42,794 --> 00:19:44,129

Me.

00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,922

What?

00:19:46,506 --> 00:19:48,258

Really?

00:19:48,592 --> 00:19:51,762

Yeah, because we live together.

It's a joke! It's a joke.

00:19:51,928 --> 00:19:54,222

Right! That's funny! I get it!

00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:57,309

- Got you!

- You're funny, Joey.

00:19:57,809 --> 00:19:59,561

Oh, my God.

00:20:05,609 --> 00:20:08,362

So how did you enjoy the play?

00:20:08,862 --> 00:20:13,742

Oh, my God.

Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.

00:20:13,909 --> 00:20:14,951

You should be.

00:20:15,118 --> 00:20:19,331

You missed the most powerful

three hours in the history of the theater.

00:20:19,498 --> 00:20:22,668

- You really liked it?

- Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated it.

00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:27,047

But why wouldn't I? Because as a man,

I've been trained not to listen!

00:20:30,008 --> 00:20:35,180

But after Chapter 16:

Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle...

00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:38,183

...I was uplifted.

00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,352

- Oh, really?

- Oh, yeah.

00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:43,772

I had no idea the amazing journey

you go through as a woman.

00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,901

Tell me--

Tell me about your first period.

00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:50,904

No!

00:20:52,656 --> 00:20:54,282

Did somebody sign your bra?

00:20:54,449 --> 00:20:58,453

So I got it when I was 13.

Very difficult.

00:20:59,663 --> 00:21:04,334

Hey, Ross? So listen,

about you and the dinosaur girl?

00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:08,171

Are you really just gonna let

a couple of Nobel Prizes scare you off?

00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:10,674

What is that?

Come on, a piece of paper?

00:21:10,841 --> 00:21:12,926

It's actually a million-dollar prize.

00:21:13,301 --> 00:21:15,262

Go, Charlie!

00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:18,181

But my point is...

00:21:18,348 --> 00:21:22,269

...okay, so she dated them,

but she also broke up with them.

00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:28,024

Maybe she's looking to, you know,

slum it with some average Joe Ph.D.

00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,989

Yeah, maybe, and I do have

my whole career in front of me.

00:21:34,156 --> 00:21:35,615

I mean...

00:21:35,782 --> 00:21:38,702

I could still win a Nobel Prize.

00:21:38,869 --> 00:21:44,708

Although the last two papers

I've written were widely discredited.

00:21:46,543 --> 00:21:51,590

You're so much more than just brains.

You are sweet and kind and funny.

00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:53,258

And sexy.

00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:56,553

Okay, well, give her a chance

to see all that.

00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,889

Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

00:21:59,055 --> 00:22:01,600

- Thanks. I'm gonna go find her.

- Good for you.

00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:06,688

Your paper on punctuated equilibrium

in the Devonian Era was topnotch.

00:22:06,855 --> 00:22:08,857

Stop going through my stuff!

00:22:11,943 --> 00:22:13,195

- Hey.

MONICA: Hey.

00:22:13,361 --> 00:22:16,198

I just wanted to let you know

I've changed my mind.

00:22:16,364 --> 00:22:18,408

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna kiss Joey.

00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:22,037

No! You can't!

Friends hooking up is a bad idea.

00:22:22,204 --> 00:22:24,247

Please! What about you and Chandler?

00:22:24,414 --> 00:22:27,375

That's different.

I was drunk and stupid.

00:22:27,542 --> 00:22:29,878

Well, hello?

00:22:30,796 --> 00:22:34,257

What about all the guys that you got

the phone numbers from?

00:22:34,424 --> 00:22:37,010

- Why don't you just kiss one of them.

- I could...

00:22:37,177 --> 00:22:40,722

...but I don't want to.

I want to kiss Joey.

00:22:41,389 --> 00:22:45,393

All right. I think it's a big mistake,

but it's your decision.

00:22:50,148 --> 00:22:51,274

I'm gonna do it.

00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:54,361

- And I can't stop you?

- No.

00:23:07,457 --> 00:23:10,710

Hey, Rach, have you seen

Charlie anywhere?

00:23:16,466 --> 00:23:18,844

I'm smarter than him!

00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,478

Hey, thank you so much

for these tickets, Chandler.

00:23:28,645 --> 00:23:33,024

This was a really important experience

for me. I wanted to share it with you.

00:23:33,191 --> 00:23:34,985

You're so wonderful.

00:23:36,319 --> 00:23:38,405

Why Don '2' You Like Me?

00:23:39,865 --> 00:23:43,285

Chapter 1: My First Period.

00:23:45,287 --> 00:23:48,790

I can't believe you guys bought that.

Enjoy your slow death.

00:23:53,753 --> 00:23:55,755

[English - US - SDH]