Эпизод с результатом теста

00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:12,302

- I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.

- I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too.

00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,304

But surprise!

00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,017

I missed most of the party.

00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,601

Charlie's a girl, right?

00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:25,149

Yeah, she's this new professor

in my department that I did not kiss.

00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:30,070

I don't know why Joey had to kiss her.

Of all the girls at the party, God!

00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:35,534

- Why do you care so much?

- Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so much?

00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:43,500

Because Ross is the father of my child.

00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:47,880

You know, and I want him

to hook up with lots of women.

00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:53,177

All I'm saying is, I don't think that Joey

and Charlie have anything in common.

00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:57,514

I don't know. They seemed to have

a shared interest in each other's tonsils.

00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:02,394

Wow. Joey and a professor.

Can you imagine if they had kids?

00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,022

And if the kids got her intelligence...

00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:08,192

...and Joey's raw sexual magnetism...

00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,778

...those nerds would get laid!

00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:16,075

All right. So, Ross, you're

okay with all this? I mean...

00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,328

It's no big deal.

I just met her. I'm fine with it.

00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:25,042

God, I forgot how hot she was.

00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,045

- I'm gonna get some more coffee.

ALL: Hi.

00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,173

- Oh, you know, I'll come with you.

- Okay.

00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:36,637

- So a professor, huh?

- Yeah. She is cool. And she's so smart.

00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,681

Her mind is totally acrimonious.

00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,898

Guess that's not how she used it.

00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:52,319

I feel like I owe you an explanation.

00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:56,490

I don't ordinarily go around

kissing guys at parties.

00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:58,117

I'm...

00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:02,704

Well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really

hope you don't think less of me.

00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,415

Think less of you? No.

I don't think less of you.

00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,418

I mean, you saw someone you liked

and you kissed them.

00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,964

Those people who like someone

and don't kiss them...

00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,968

...those people are stupid.

I hate those people.

00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,470

Actually, I'm a little surprised

at myself.

00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,849

I mean, Joey's so different

from the guys I usually date.

00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:25,185

They're all professors, intellectuals.

Paleontologists mostly.

00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:28,313

- You know, very cerebral...

- Yeah, I know the type.

00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:33,152

If we want to grab a bite before work,

we'd better get acrimonious.

00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,407

No?

Am I getting close?

00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,419

- Hey!

MONICA: Hi.

00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,047

Hey, you guys.

Look what I just got.

00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,593

Oh, wow! I love those!

Where did you get them?

00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:44,681

I bought them off eBay. They used

to belong to the late Shania Twain.

00:03:47,685 --> 00:03:50,103

Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.

00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,898

Oh, then I overpaid.

00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,860

MONICA:

Hey, what's this?

00:03:57,028 --> 00:04:00,155

Oh, it's a gift certificate

to this new spa in SoHo.

00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:04,159

You can't show Phoebe this. She hates

those corporate massage chains.

00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,870

What, now I can't get a massage?

00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,415

There are so many things

that she disapproves of.

00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,710

I can't eat veal. I can't wear fur.

00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,296

I can't go hunting.

00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,759

- Do you want to go hunting?

- I would like to have the option.

00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,555

- What's that? Hey, Rachel?

- Ah...

00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,516

No, you can't go there!

00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,310

You know how I feel about

these big massage places.

00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,938

They're putting people like me

out of business.

00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,399

She wants to go hunting too!

00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,154

Phoebe, come on,

I don't want to waste it.

00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,532

It would be like throwing

away 100 bucks.

00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,702

Okay, this is not about

the money. Okay?

00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:50,080

It's about corporate greed

destroying our hearts...

00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,417

...and leaving us hollow shells.

00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:57,379

I don't care about any of that.

00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:04,052

Well, do you care about friendship?

I feel really strongly about this.

00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,973

Please don't use this gift certificate.

I'm asking you as a friend.

00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:12,227

Oh, not as a friend. Phoebe!

00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:14,396

Fine. I won't use it.

00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,523

- Promise?

- I promise.

00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:20,277

- Thank you.

- Well, I am going hunting.

00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:25,991

[DOOR OPENS]

00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,535

Hey, honey. I missed you today.

00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,204

CHANDLER: Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. Hey.

00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:36,793

- What do you wanna do tonight?

- Oh, well, maybe we could, uh...

00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,931

Okay, trying to turn me on

by making a mess?

00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:51,683

Know your audience.

00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,646

Besides, tomorrow we're doing

those fertility tests.

00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:59,816

Until then, you need to keep

your tadpoles in the tank.

00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,403

Do we really need to take those tests?

00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,655

We've been trying

to have a baby for a year.

00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,742

I think it's a good idea

to find out if everything's okay.

00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,954

- Just a few routine tests.

- But I don't want to do it in a cup.

00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:17,626

- What is the big deal?

- It's weird! You're in a doctor's office.

00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,128

It's not okay to do it

in a doctor's office...

00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:23,715

...but it is okay to do it in

a parked car behind a Taco Bell?

00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:30,222

I cannot believe Ross told you that.

00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:34,768

And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.

00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,687

Look, I don't want to do

these tests either.

00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,190

But I really do think

it's a good idea.

00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,734

I'm sure a doctor's office

can't be worse...

00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,154

...than on a class trip

to the Hershey factory.

00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,157

Oh, yeah! Rachel talks too!

00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,626

Who says wine has to cost

more than milk?

00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,504

[KNOCKING]

00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,591

JOEY: Hey!

- Hi.

00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,010

- Come on in. How are you?

- I'm good.

00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,888

- Can I offer you a drink?

- Please.

00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:14,349

I have been crazed all day.

00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:17,644

I had a meeting with the dean,

my syllabus for summer school's due...

00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:19,938

...and I'm writing the foreword

for a book.

00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,358

I had a pretty hectic day at work too.

Today I had to open a door and go:

00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,651

[GASPS]

00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,072

So I am just so excited to be here.

00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,492

- I can't wait to explore the city.

- If you need a tour guide...

00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,078

Oh, you mean it?

That would be so fun.

00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,291

Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Okay.

What do you want to see first?

00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,628

We could go see the Kronos Quartet

at Avery Fisher Hall.

00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,467

Okay.

00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:52,637

There's a collection of Walt Whitman

letters on display at the public library.

00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,764

I know.

00:07:56,184 --> 00:08:00,437

- But first, I have to see the Met.

- Okay, let me stop you right there.

00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,565

The Mets suck, okay?

00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,903

You wanna see the Yankees.

00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,780

No. No, not the Mets.

The Met. Singular.

00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:13,366

Which one? They all suck.

00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,702

The museum.

00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,498

I don't think so.

00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,632

- Hi there.

- Hello. Welcome to Lavender Day Spa.

00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,675

How may I help you?

00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,305

Hi. I have a massage appointment

under Rachel Green.

00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:40,268

- Okay.

- And here is my gift certificate.

00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:46,691

- This has been torn up.

- And taped back together.

00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,446

Okay. Well, I'll call you as soon

as your massage therapist is ready.

00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,199

- Okay.

- Have a seat through the glass doors.

00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,620

- Through the glass doors.

- Through the glass doors.

00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,206

Alrighty then.

00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,758

Phoebe, your next client's

in the waiting room.

00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:15,345

Do we have to talk like that

when they're not around?

00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,141

Oh, no. No, no.

00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:24,354

Listen, is there someone

who can fill in for me?

00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,899

- Sorry. Everyone is booked.

- That woman can't know I work here.

00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,610

She's a friend of mine

and I made this big stink...

00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,904

...about how awful

these massage chains are.

00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,700

- Then why do you work here?

- Because it's good money.

00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,868

But that doesn't change the fact...

00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:42,247

...that this is an evil, bloodsucking

corporate machine.

00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,001

Well, I think this is a great place

to work.

00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,505

Okay, are they listening?

00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,927

- Ross. Hey.

ROSS: Hi.

00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,222

I need to talk to you about Charlie.

00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,891

Oh, do you? Do you really?

00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,853

Yeah, I'm kind of having

a little problem.

00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:10,025

Look, if you don't know what the word

"acrimonious" means, just don't use it.

00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,569

Look, you know Charlie, right?

00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,698

- She's cool, funny, her body is so...

- Get to the problem.

00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:21,328

Right. She's just so much smarter

than all the girls I've ever dated.

00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,413

Combined.

00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:28,460

You know? And I just...

I don't want her to think I'm stupid.

00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,882

Are you wearing two belts?

00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,761

Hey, what do you know?

00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,684

You were saying you didn't want

to seem stupid.

00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:49,189

Well, she wants to go

to all these cultural places...

00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:53,610

...and I don't know how to talk about

that stuff. You gotta help me out.

00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,738

I don't want to get involved

in your guys' relationship.

00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,033

Oh, dude, please. Come on,

you're the smartest person I know.

00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:04,329

And I really like this girl, okay?

I don't want to lose her.

00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,042

- Fine.

- Thanks.

00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,044

Okay. Let's see.

00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:15,048

- Oh, you should take her to the Met.

- The Mets.

00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:20,220

No, no, no. The Met.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,182

Oh, that's what she meant.

00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,852

If they're gonna shorten it, they

should call it the "Muse," you know?

00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,772

Short for "museum"

and avoid all the confusion.

00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:37,987

Yeah, most days the place is packed

with confused, angry baseball fans.

00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:41,032

Okay. All right,

so I'll take her to the Met.

00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:47,163

Yeah. Okay. There's this great

rare bookstore on Madison Avenue.

00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,791

You know what?

She loves architecture.

00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,545

You should take a walk down Fifth

to the St. Patrick's Cathedral.

00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:57,424

And there, there's this great

little pastry shop that she'd love.

00:11:57,591 --> 00:12:00,218

Jeez. Sounds like you

should be going on this date.

00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,554

But I'm not.

00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:06,266

- And you know what...?

- Okay, slow down.

00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,892

You're going way too fast. Okay?

00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,728

- Just go back to the Met.

- Okay.

00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,605

So you gotta tell me exactly

what to do there.

00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:15,275

When you walk into the museum,

take a right, okay?

00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,026

That's the antiquities wing.

00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:20,488

Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia,

up to the Byzantine Empire.

00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,574

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:27,287

Okay. So I walk in the door

and make a right.

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,261

I have a weird feeling about

this place. How do I know...

00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:47,474

...they won't secretly videotape me

and put it all over the Internet?

00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:53,062

Because, honey, and I mean this

in the sweetest way possible...

00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,690

...nobody's gonna wanna watch that.

00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:58,985

Mr. Bing? Here you are.

00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:02,155

Go into that room and deposit

your specimen into the container.

00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,782

Deposit my specimen?

00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:07,494

I usually have to call a 900 number

for that kind of talk.

00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,625

Thanks. Got it.

00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,711

All right. Honey, my tests

are down the hall.

00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,089

- Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

- Yeah, I guess.

00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,134

Look, I know this is embarrassing,

but nobody cares.

00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:26,095

No one here even knows you.

00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:31,518

Oh, my God!

00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:36,022

Oh, come on!

00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,196

[LAUGHING]

00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,659

How great is this?

00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,829

We're probably fertile.

Let's go home.

00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,083

Why are you here?

00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:58,545

Sid and I are trying again

and we had trouble last time...

00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,549

No, no, no. I mean, why?

Why is she here?

00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:07,428

Oh, someone's a little cranky today

because they have to do it in a cup. Ha, ha, ha.

00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,181

Oh, they gave you the kiddie size.

00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,936

What?

00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,479

[LAUGHING]

00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:22,235

This was fun. But I've got

an invasive vaginal exam to get to.

00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,323

I'd love to stay

but I've got a hot date.

00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:31,578

Please go. Just let me know

if you need a hand. Ha, ha, ha.

00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,586

I think it just fell off.

00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,965

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,218

PHOEBE [IN FOREIGN ACCENT]:

Hello, ja.

00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,598

It's time for your massage, ja?

00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,850

Put your face in the hole.

00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,731

A Swedish massage

from a real Swedish person.

00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,650

Okay, then I'm Swedish.

00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,155

RACHEL:

So, what's your name?

00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,116

It's a normal Swedish name.

00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,951

Ikea.

00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,789

- Wow. What an interesting name.

- Yeah.

00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:18,917

- You know, I...

- Time for your scalp massage.

00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,168

Oh.

00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,589

Wow. I really love your...

00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,049

[GASPS]

00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:31,095

- Is something wrong?

- No, it's just, um...

00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,348

It just feels so good...

00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,308

...lkea.

00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,604

Hey, say, you'll know this.

What's the capital of Sweden?

00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,814

Um...

00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,441

Stockholm.

00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:46,486

Damn. I wish I knew

if that was right.

00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:52,492

Note the painterly lines

and subtle impasto on this canvas.

00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,411

Monet painted quickly,

and usually outdoors...

00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:59,749

...as his elusive subject

was light itself.

00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:05,213

Now, do you have any idea

what you just said?

00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:12,303

No, no. My mouth says the words,

my brain is thinking "monster trucks."

00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,849

Now, remember,

when you get to the museum...

00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:21,020

...Monet is not spelled M-O-N-A-Y.

I just...

00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:25,733

- I wrote that out phonetically for you.

- Phonetically?

00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,029

Yeah, that means...

We just don't have time for this.

00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:34,909

I gotta say, I'm really impressed you

were able to memorize all this so quickly.

00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:37,662

I'm an actor.

I can memorize anything.

00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:39,455

Last week on Days, I had to say:

00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:41,958

"Frontal temporal

zygomatic craniotomy."

00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:46,087

- Wow. What does that mean?

- No idea.

00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,632

But the guy I said it to

dies in the next scene...

00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,719

...so I guess it means,

"You'll get eaten by a bear."

00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,182

Okay.

00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,978

- So let's move on to the Renaissance.

- Okay.

00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,481

Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here...

00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:08,735

...to highlight the anguish

of the central figure.

00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,611

Touch it. It's really bumpy.

00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:16,701

Nuh-uh. Uh-uh. No, no, no. No ad-libbing.

And, dude, you can't touch the paintings.

00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,119

- Come on.

- No. No!

00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,299

My specimen's in the room.

00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:35,720

I just want to thank whoever knocked

on the door while I was in there.

00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,014

Really helped speed the process along.

00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,728

Janice, you're not gone?

00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,230

Sid is still in his room.

00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:50,777

I don't allow porn at home,

so this is like a vacation for him.

00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,989

So did you do it?

Did you make your deposit?

00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:59,452

- Yeah. The hard part's over.

- That's not the hard part, honey.

00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:04,165

The hard part's what comes next.

Aren't you worried about the results?

00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,834

I haven't even thought

about the results.

00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337

I just assumed everything

would be okay.

00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,798

Well, you know what? It probably is.

00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,549

But what if it's not okay?

00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,928

I mean, what if there's a reason

we can't have a baby?

00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,431

Chandler. Look, you and Monica

are meant to have children.

00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,642

I'm sure it's gonna be just fine.

00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:29,565

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I can't

believe I didn't even think of that.

00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:34,320

I guess I was so worried about

having to come here and do that.

00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,823

You can do it

in a Taco Bell parking lot...

00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,492

...but you can't do it

at a doctor's office?

00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,122

It was a Wendy's!

00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:52,296

[SINGS IN MADE-UP LANGUAGE]

00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:58,594

And that's the Swedish national anthem.

Thank you for asking.

00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,140

RACHEL:

Wow, lkea.

00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,184

What a rich culture.

00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,146

You know what?

I have a friend who's a masseuse.

00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:12,024

- Oh? Ja, ja?

- Ja. She's not very good, though.

00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,904

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:20,950

- And why do you think that is?

- I don't know.

00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,328

Maybe it's because she's got

such callousy fingers...

00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,165

...from playing crummy guitar.

00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,920

[PHOEBE CHUCKLES]

00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,759

Or maybe she has trouble

loosening your knots...

00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,388

...because you're such

a high-maintenance tight-ass.

00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,348

- Phoebe!

- You know it's me?

00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,767

Well, for like a half an hour!

00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:49,770

Man, you can lie about Sweden!

00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,982

How can you come here?

00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,694

- Why didn't you tell me you work here?

- I don't have to tell you everything!

00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,364

You do if you're gonna make me feel

guilty for getting a free massage.

00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,783

- Tip's not included.

- Oh!

00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,621

Why did you lie to me

about working here?

00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:11,083

Because I was ashamed, okay?

I sold out for the cash.

00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:16,505

And they give me benefits, like medical

and dental and a four-oh-wunk.

00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:26,682

But, you know, you pay a price.

Now I'm this corporate stooge...

00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,143

...and punching a clock...

00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,187

...and paying taxes!

00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,982

Phoebe, honey,

if you hate it so much...

00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:38,903

...you should walk out there

right now and quit.

00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,697

Be true to what you believe in.

00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:45,493

Honey, you have principles,

and I so admire that.

00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,870

I don't have any.

00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:52,625

You know what? You're right.

I am gonna quit.

00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:55,878

- It's time I took my life back.

- Good for you, Pheebs.

00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,380

Okay.

00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:04,637

If you guys have microphones in

there too, I didn't mean any of that.

00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:07,181

I love you.

00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:13,688

Aha! Got you! Die! Die! Die!

00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,231

[GUNFIRE ON LAPTOP]

00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:22,154

- Respectfully, Professor R. Geller. Hey.

- Hi.

00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,240

- Hey, how was the Met?

- Oh!

00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,492

- The museum was amazing.

- Yeah?

00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:29,036

Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh?

00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:31,372

Not so much, no.

00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:34,250

He had clearly memorized

all this stuff to say...

00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:37,169

...and some of it didn't

even make any sense.

00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,714

- What do you mean?

- Well, for one...

00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,842

...he was talking about paintings

that were nowhere around.

00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:50,182

Wait a minute. When you guys walked

into the Met, did you go to the right?

00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:54,312

- No. No, we went to the left.

- Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey.

00:21:56,648 --> 00:22:00,234

Still, it seems like you guys

are having a great time together.

00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:03,738

Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.

00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,033

What?

00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:10,703

Actually, Joey's your friend...

00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,497

...and you don't know me that well.

It'd be weird.

00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:16,542

Well, I mean, a little.

But no, what? Go on.

00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,752

Well...

00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:22,506

I'm thinking that maybe Joey

isn't the right guy for me right now.

00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,885

You know, maybe I should

be with someone...

00:22:27,929 --> 00:22:31,682

...I have more in common with.

You know what I mean?

00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,602

Yeah.

00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,607

Yeah, but you know what?

00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,778

I think you should give Joey a chance.

00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,780

I mean, he's a great guy.

00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:48,532

And sure, he doesn't know

that much about art...

00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,410

...but you can always talk about

that with someone else.

00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,829

- I guess that's true.

- If you think about it...

00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:58,167

...he memorized all that stuff because

he thought it was important to you.

00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:01,045

You know, that's the kind of guy

Joey is.

00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,756

He is very sweet.

00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:05,591

Plus, he is hot!

00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:10,429

That was gonna be my next argument.

00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:12,598

JOEY: Hey.

ROSS & CHARLIE: Hey.

00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,850

- You ready?

- Yeah. Let's go.

00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:16,060

JOEY:

Wow.

00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,980

- Thanks, Ross.

- Yeah.

00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:24,777

Hey, Ross. That art stuff worked.

You hooked me up.

00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:27,863

Glad I could help, man.

00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:32,118

Some of the stuff wasn't where you said

it would be, but I made it work.

00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:46,632

It is not okay that I'm aroused

by this now.

00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:48,968

[PHONE RINGS]

00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,303

Hello?

00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:54,765

Oh. Hi, Dr. Connelly.

00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:57,518

No. Well, she's not here...

00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:59,228

...but I can tell her.

00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:02,148

Should I be sitting down for this?

00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:08,279

Oh.

00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,202

Uh-huh.

00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,040

Well, so, what does that mean?

00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:27,298

Okay. Okay, thank you.

00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,091

Thanks.

00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:36,849

Hey, sweetie.

00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:39,268

Dr. Connelly just called.

00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,770

With good news?

Of course it's not good news.

00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,772

You said, "Dr. Connelly just called."

00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:46,984

If it was good, you'd have said,

"Dr. Connelly just called!"

00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:49,320

So, what is it? Is it?

00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:53,532

Is there a problem? Is there

a problem with me, or with you?

00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:57,495

Actually, it's both of us.

00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,414

What?

00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:03,751

Apparently, my sperm

have low motility...

00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:08,797

...and you have

an inhospitable environment.

00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:14,470

Oh.

00:25:16,973 --> 00:25:19,058

Well, what does that mean?

00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:22,770

It means that my guys won't

get off their Barcaloungers...

00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:26,649

...and you have a uterus that is

prepared to kill the ones that do.

00:25:29,444 --> 00:25:31,695

- It means...

- Wait, Chandler.

00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:38,786

It means that we can keep trying...

00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:43,123

...but there's a good chance

this may never happen for us.

00:25:48,838 --> 00:25:50,798

Oh, my God.

00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,593

I'm sorry.

00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:57,012

I'm sorry too.

00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,059

Well...

00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:05,604

...we're gonna figure this out.

00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:10,401

I know.

00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:30,879

- Good morning, Phoebe.

- Good morning, receptionist.

00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:34,592

Here's your schedule for the day.

Your first client is in Room 1.

00:26:34,801 --> 00:26:39,013

"Rachel Green."

Son of a bitch! She came back?

00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:41,098

[GROANS]

00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:47,021

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:50,566

[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]

Are you ready for your Scottish massage?

00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:53,152

Put your face in the hole, lassie!

00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:01,118

[English - US - SDH]