Эпизод с донором

00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,797

Oh, that feels so good.

00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,843

Oh, lucky me.

Coffee and a live sex show.

00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,720

- I'm sorry, what?

- I'm sorry.

00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,473

- Nothing. I was just reading to Emma.

- From Cosmo?

00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,020

Yeah. Yeah, it's, uh:

00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,189

"Climax Your Way to Better Skin."

00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:28,485

So I have to go shopping today,

which is my least favorite thing.

00:00:28,653 --> 00:00:30,821

I'm so bad at picking out clothes.

00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:35,159

So you need someone who knows

fashion to, uh, tell you what looks good.

00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:37,369

Not me. Not me. Not me.

00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,289

- Oh, hey, Rach?

- Yeah?

00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:44,168

- Maybe you could take Charlie shopping?

- Oh, well...

00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,754

- I'm sure you have better things to do.

- You kidding?

00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:49,631

Rachel loves to shop,

and she has great taste.

00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:53,052

She's the one that taught me not

to wear white after Labor Day...

00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:57,723

...and to always, always, always put

on underwear when trying on clothes.

00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:02,227

If you have the time,

I'd really appreciate the help.

00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,646

Okay. Yeah, let's shop.

00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:09,401

Okay, you are gonna come back

with some very classy clothes. Ha-ha-ha.

00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,820

And some slutty lingerie. Slutty!

00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,575

Okay, great. All right, bye.

00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,827

Pain in the ass!

00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:22,748

- That's off, right?

- What's the matter, Pheebs?

00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:27,044

Ugh, Mike's sister just invited me to

a party tonight and he's gonna be there.

00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:31,757

She was like, "Don't worry. I asked him

and he's totally okay with seeing you."

00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,761

So now I have to go so he'll think

that I'm totally okay with seeing him.

00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,764

- You're not. You're hung up on him.

- Exactly.

00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,351

You want him to eat his heart out,

so you have to look fabulous.

00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,728

I didn't even think about that.

00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,689

Ugh. Sexual politics!

00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:51,026

Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping.

00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,404

- Come and I'll help you find something.

- That'd be great.

00:01:54,572 --> 00:02:00,119

Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you,

trying on slutty lingerie together.

00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:05,499

- That's not what we're gonna do.

- Why'd you ruin it? Who was I hurting?

00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:51,920

Wow.

Fortunately, she has a very pretty face.

00:02:55,925 --> 00:03:01,680

I still can't believe this.

My uterus is an inhospitable environment?

00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,892

I've always tried so hard

to be a good hostess.

00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,895

I can't believe my sperm

have low motility.

00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:12,733

While I was growing up, they sure

seemed to be in a hurry to get places.

00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:14,610

CONNELLY: Hi there.

- Hi.

00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,863

I'm sorry there wasn't better news

from your tests last week...

00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,782

...but I wanted to talk to you

about your options.

00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:21,992

Okay.

00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,246

Even though your chances of conceiving

through natural means aren't great...

00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,124

...you never know,

so keep having sex on a regular basis.

00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,335

Oh, damn it!

00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:36,632

Don't worry.

After a while, you'll tune it out.

00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:41,136

Given your situation, the options

with the greatest chances for success...

00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:45,390

...would be surrogacy

or insemination using a sperm donor.

00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,310

Okay.

00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,773

If you feel that neither of those is

right for you, you could always adopt.

00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,608

Is that a hint?

00:03:54,776 --> 00:04:00,447

Because we love you, Dr. Connelly,

but we don't want you to be our child.

00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:07,746

Wow. Talk about

an inhospitable environment.

00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:13,377

Hi. Okay, you ready to go pick up

Phoebe and go shopping?

00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,630

- Let's do it.

- All right, have a good time.

00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,383

Not gonna find any clothes in there.

00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,927

- Hey, you guys.

RACHEL: Hi.

00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:26,431

Guess who's up for keynote speaker

at the National Paleontology Conference?

00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,934

- Uh, Chris Bailey?

- Yeah, right.

00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,562

When was the last time he made

a submission deadline for an abstract?

00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:33,772

[BOTH LAUGHING]

00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,944

Why are you laughing?

00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,739

Just seeing what it'd be like

to be a paleontologist.

00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,533

It's fun. Yeah.

00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,369

- You're up for keynote speaker?

- Yeah.

00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,329

- Who's deciding?

- Professor Sherman.

00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,666

- I'm meeting with him today.

- He's a pretty tough guy to impress.

00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,294

I think I know how to dazzle him.

00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:59,423

Oh, you're not gonna to do

a magic trick, are you?

00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,133

Pfft. No.

00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,686

- Hey, guys.

- I want to ask you something.

00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:16,064

I may get to speak

at this paleontology convention.

00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:19,693

If I do, I'd love for you guys

to come and hear me.

00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:24,948

I think I can safely say that we all have

family issues, work and/or are sick.

00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,493

- It's in Barbados.

- But you come first.

00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,162

I'm there.

00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,414

- We'll see you guys.

JOEY: Bye.

00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,459

RACHEL: See you.

ROSS: Hey.

00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:39,963

- So how did it go at the fertility clinic?

- Not as much fun as last time.

00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,592

Apparently, you only get porn

if you're giving a sperm sample.

00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,303

So, uh, what did the doctor say?

00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:50,182

There's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt

her whole life of carrying a child...

00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:54,269

...and she just felt that watching

a surrogate would be too hard for her.

00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,646

- So you're ruling out surrogacy?

- Yeah.

00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,815

So I don't have to learn

what that means?

00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,070

Aside from adoption, the only

other choice is insemination...

00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:05,280

...so we're talking about sperm donors.

00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:09,159

Enough said. I'm there for you, man.

Where is she, upstairs?

00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,205

How do you feel about all this?

00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:18,377

I wish there was an easier way for us

to have a child, but there isn't one.

00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:22,339

Come on, Ross, be a good guy.

Step up and do it.

00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,508

What?

00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:30,013

What? No!

I'm not gonna give them Ben!

00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:39,272

The data we're receiving

from MRI scans and DNA testing...

00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,483

...of these fossils are staggering.

00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:42,734

Mm-hm.

00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,071

I mean, we've been accepting

Leakey's dates as a given.

00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,324

But if they're off

by even a 100,000 years or so...

00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:53,328

...then you can just throw

most of our assumptions...

00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,789

...you know, right in the trash.

00:06:55,957 --> 00:07:00,043

So, what I'm saying is...

00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,045

Is that...

00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:07,050

Is that, uh, repercussions could be huge.

00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:10,971

I mean, not just in paleontology,

but if you think about it...

00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:15,350

...in evolutionary biology,

uh genetics, uh, geology.

00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,145

I mean, truly, the mind boggles.

00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,646

[SNORES]

00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,651

Well, that's not what you want.

00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,200

- Incentive for Men?

- I'll take some of that.

00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,035

- That's for men.

PHOEBE: I know.

00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,829

When I go to the party later...

00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:40,000

...Mike will know I'm over him

because I'll smell like another guy.

00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,127

Yeah.

00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,336

Okay.

00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,007

Oh, good, I'm dating

a Russian cabdriver.

00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:51,428

Seriously, does anyone buy this?

I smell like beets.

00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:58,018

I really like those jackets with the

shoulder pads in them. Where are those?

00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:01,396

Um, on Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:05,275

Um, I think what you want is over here.

00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,278

See, I told you I needed someone.

00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,823

By the way, as a thank you,

I would really love to take you out.

00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,243

- Really?

- Joey and I are going to a movie tonight.

00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,662

- You want to come?

- Oh, I can't.

00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,832

Because I've seen them.

00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:25,545

You've seen all the movies?

00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:29,007

Yeah. I'm a big fan.

00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,634

Of the movies.

00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,928

You know, motion pictures.

00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,471

The talkies.

00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,892

Rach, will you come with me

to a dressing room?

00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,101

RACHEL: Sure.

- Okay.

00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,187

Maybe we could do something else.

00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:46,816

You know, that depends on what it is.

I've done a lot of stuff.

00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,954

So, what were you doing out there?

Do you not like Charlie?

00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:03,083

She's okay. I don't know, I just don't

get a really good vibe from her.

00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,585

- Why?

- I don't know.

00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:10,882

You know, just the way

she waltzed in here all smart...

00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,717

...and tall, you know...

00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:16,388

...and just swept Joey off his feet.

Nobody else has a chance.

00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,931

Who else?

00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:19,808

Anybody.

00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:21,935

You.

00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,770

Me.

00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,273

You know, Monica's mom.

00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,236

- You like Joey?

- Shh! Phoebe!

00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:35,865

All right, look, I do.

I have a little thing for him. Just...

00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,660

- Oh, my God.

- It's just physical.

00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:43,290

I have it totally under control, okay?

It's just when I see them together...

00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,626

...sometimes, I just get a little jealous.

00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,463

Wow. Isn't that ironic

that he liked you, and now you like...?

00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,132

I get it!

00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,552

All right, as long as it's under control.

00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,763

You can't do anything about it.

He's already dating her.

00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,974

She is a nice person.

That wouldn't be right.

00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:04,102

I know, I know.

So it's just not a big deal.

00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,521

- So can we keep this between us?

- Sure.

00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:10,817

Great, because I gotta get out of here.

The smell of beets is killing me.

00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,909

- Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?

- Mm.

00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,789

[KNOCKING]

00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,416

- Hi, honey.

CHANDLER: Hey.

00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,669

I brought a friend home for dinner.

This is Zack from work.

00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:33,131

Oh, of course. It's so nice

to see you again, Zack.

00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,967

- You too.

- You guys haven't actually met before.

00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,011

But, boy, you're both polite.

00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,180

Have a seat. I'll get you a beer.

00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,515

MONICA: I got it.

ZACK: Thanks.

00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,938

- So Zack's pretty nice, huh?

- Yeah, I guess.

00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:53,276

So how would you like to have a baby

that's half yours and half his?

00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,281

Excuse me?

00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,910

We're talking about sperm donors,

and Zack may be the guy.

00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:07,123

Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy,

he's athletic. I mean, he's sperm-tastic!

00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:13,046

Chandler, this is crazy.

Well, what did you even say to him?

00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,508

"Come up. Meet my wife.

Give us your sperm."

00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:20,387

I invited him to dinner so you'd get

a chance to get to know him.

00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,807

With a sperm bank, you never

meet the guy, get to check him out.

00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,393

- Chandler!

- I'm telling you, he's great.

00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,730

I mean, even if my sperm worked fine,

I think he'd be the way to go.

00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,192

I'm not going to be a part of this.

00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,697

You can't bring some random guy home

and expect him to be our sperm donor.

00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:39,906

Okay.

00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,576

- Zack?

ZACK: Thanks.

00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:47,122

Do you have a coaster?

I don't want to make a ring.

00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,457

Tell me about yourself, Zack.

00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,674

Oh, God, do you think she heard?

It'd be so bad if she heard.

00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:01,928

Maybe she didn't hear. I'll go into that

dressing room and talk. You stay here.

00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,055

- See if you can hear me.

- Okay, great.

00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,270

RACHEL: Oh, thank God,

I can't hear a word that you're saying.

00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:15,066

- I didn't say anything yet.

- Well, get back in there and talk.

00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:17,444

PHOEBE:

I'm Rachel.

00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:21,406

It's so annoying when I put Emma

on the phone to talk with my friends.

00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:22,866

What?

00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,494

Well, some things are just hard

to say to your face.

00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:32,000

Okay, well, I heard that.

Which means that she heard it too.

00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:36,129

- We have a problem.

- Oh, what are we gonna do?

00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,131

Just be honest with her.

00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,091

Oh, my God!

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:42,594

It is annoying when parents

put babies on the phone.

00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,763

All right, enough out of you!

00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,059

[PHONE RINGS]

00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,315

- Hello?

- I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?

00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,318

No, she, uh, went shopping with Rachel.

Why? What's up?

00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:02,447

I'm meeting with Professor Sherman

about my being the keynote speaker.

00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,991

- How's it going?

- It could be better.

00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:09,287

He, um... He fell asleep.

00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,457

What? But I already bought

my ticket to Bermuda!

00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,669

- Barbados.

- Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.

00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,964

You have to get that job.

00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,425

What am I supposed to do?

He's out cold.

00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:25,303

In fact, he was just talking

in his sleep before...

00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:29,849

...and evidently he wants someone

named Fran to "spank him harder."

00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,311

- Well, just wake him up.

- I can't.

00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:37,857

If he realizes that I'm the one who

put him to sleep, I won't get the job.

00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:39,526

JOEY:

Ooh, that's a tough one.

00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,612

Oh, wait a minute.

This happened to me before.

00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:48,034

Yeah, I was auditioning for a play,

and the producer fell asleep. I...

00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,328

No, wait a minute.

00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,080

It was me who fell asleep.

00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:57,126

I mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about

a chase scene once in a while?

00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,800

- Hey, guys, dinner's ready.

- I'm gonna go wash up first.

00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,009

Thanks.

00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:12,851

What do you think? I want his genes for

my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones.

00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:16,604

Okay, there's enthusiastic,

and there's just plain gay.

00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,900

- You don't like him.

- I think he's fine.

00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,319

But we don't know

anything real about him.

00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:27,824

- I wish we could get more information.

- All right, just follow my lead.

00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:32,161

- You guys have a great place here.

- Thanks. I'm crazy about our place.

00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,122

Hey, speaking of crazy...

00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:39,252

...do you have a history

of mental illness in the family?

00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:44,799

Uh, no. Although, I did have an uncle

who voted for Dukakis.

00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,386

That's really not the kind of thing

we're looking for.

00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,055

Okay.

00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,268

So, um, tell me, how'd you guys meet?

00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:58,730

Oh, friends first, drunk in London,

you know the story.

00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,607

I've got a better question for you:

00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:04,319

Do you or any of your blood relatives

have diabetes?

00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,780

No.

00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:11,784

Uh, heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout?

00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,831

You guys don't have people

for dinner a lot, huh?

00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,375

We're just making conversation.

00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:23,004

Yeah, well, okay.

I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny.

00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,924

You know what's not funny?

Male pattern baldness.

00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:33,306

You guys have shown a lot of interest

in me tonight, and I'm flattered...

00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:35,767

...and quite frankly, a little frightened.

00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:38,227

Can we just talk about something else?

00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:39,812

- Sure.

CHANDLER: All right.

00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,856

This ravioli's delicious.

00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,277

I notice you're enjoying that ravioli

with a beautiful set of teeth.

00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,321

Did you have braces as a child?

00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,949

- No, I didn't.

- Yes!

00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,496

We're teeth people, Zack.

00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:05,004

Let's just do it. Let's just go

over there and see if she heard.

00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,297

- Good plan.

- Okay.

00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:11,010

- What? Where are you going?

- Oh, I'm sorry, Rachel.

00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:14,514

I don't have time

for your childish games, okay?

00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,266

I still have to find something

incredible to wear...

00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:20,436

...so I can beat Mike

at "Who's More Over Who"!

00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:24,273

[CLEARS THROAT]

00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:26,943

- Hey. Hi.

- Hey.

00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,570

- Where have you been?

- Trying on clothes.

00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:34,575

Oh, really? In the dressing room?

Well, that's so weird.

00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:39,998

Phoebe and I were in the dressing room.

Gosh, it's just such a small world.

00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,709

Rachel, I heard you

two guys whispering.

00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:46,004

Oh, God, you did, you heard.

Okay, look, let me explain.

00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,172

There's nothing to explain.

I heard you.

00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,674

Phoebe likes Joey.

00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,680

Yeah.

00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,560

I don't understand it.

I mean, Phoebe likes Joey...

00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,688

...and then she's here to buy a dress

to impress another guy?

00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:08,651

Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe.

You know, she just wants them all.

00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,696

It's, like, she's nympho.

00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,532

- Wow!

- Yeah.

00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,536

You know, by the way, I heard you

tell her not to do anything.

00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:23,041

Thanks for sticking up for me.

God, you are such a nice person.

00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,418

I try.

00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:36,012

[SNORING]

00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,896

[CHAIR CREAKING]

00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,745

Oh!

00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:08,503

Oh, my God, you really want me

to be the keynote speaker?

00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,130

Thank you!

00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,093

You're welcome.

00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,774

Wow! You look...

00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,944

...stop-eating hot!

00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,240

Which is like the highest level

of hotness.

00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:41,744

Okay, are you sure? Because I am

really dreading going to this party.

00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:42,954

Then don't go.

00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,874

Mike knows I'm coming. If I don't show

up, he'll think it's because of him...

00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:51,838

...and then I'm gonna lose face.

That's a very serious thing in my culture.

00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:57,468

All right, then you go to that party,

and you pretend to be over Mike.

00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:01,180

Afterward, you come to my place

and I'll get you good and drunk.

00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,099

You got it. Okay.

00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,810

But not on the wine

that you made, okay?

00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,897

Because I just don't want to go back

to the emergency room.

00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:20,950

PHOEBE:

David?

00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,702

Phoebe! Hi.

00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,288

PHOEBE: Oh, my God!

- Hi.

00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,291

Wow! You look unbelievable.

00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,209

Oh, yeah, well...

00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:33,838

What are you doing here?

00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,966

Well, I'm back from Minsk.

Uh, permanently.

00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,342

Well, what happened?

00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,344

Remember how I was trying

to achieve...

00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:43,389

...the positronic distillation

of subatomic particles?

00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,016

Yeah.

00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,728

Well, after eight years of research,

I discovered...

00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,397

...that it can't be done.

00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,274

Well...

00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,777

...great that you're back. How are you?

00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,821

- Good. Good. Life is good.

- Good.

00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:02,825

- Well, I'm seeing someone.

- Oh.

00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,577

- Good for you.

- Yeah.

00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:09,123

She's also a scientist,

so she's very smart and pretty and, um...

00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,751

It's actually because of you

that we're together.

00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,795

I mean, I saw what you had

with that Mike guy...

00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,048

...and I just said, "Boy, I want that."

00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:20,551

- Mike and I broke up.

- You're kidding me.

00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:24,847

Because I'm not seeing anybody.

I just totally made that up.

00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,058

- Really?

- I don't know why, I'm sorry.

00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,852

I guess I just didn't want

to lose face.

00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,271

I understand.

00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:35,858

Yeah. Okay. So then, okay...

00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,946

So we're both living in New York,

not seeing anyone.

00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:42,365

- That's so not like us.

- Yeah, I know.

00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:47,078

Well, this is probably a stupid question,

seeing that you look like that...

00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,122

...but, um, do you have someplace

that you need to be right now?

00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,332

Well...

00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:53,668

No.

00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,589

- Well, do you want to get a drink?

- I'd love to.

00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,716

- Great.

- Okay.

00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:05,721

Uh, do you smell beets?

00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:08,641

Oh, all right, stay upwind of me.

00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:14,605

Hey, there's Phoebe.

Is that Mike she's with?

00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,316

No, that's David.

00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:20,236

There's a third guy?

00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,906

Tip of the iceberg.

00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,202

I'm gonna take off now.

00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,913

You're gonna let me go home,

aren't you?

00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,457

Sure you don't want to stay

a little longer?

00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,751

No, I should get home.

I'm kind of tired.

00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:37,628

Are you always tired?

00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,673

Because that could be

a sign of clinical depression.

00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:45,136

No, it's tiring to figure out the age

at which all my grandparents died.

00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,098

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Okay.

00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,308

MONICA:

Bye.

00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:53,936

I think we found our sperm.

00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,480

He does seem pretty perfect.

00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,025

Yeah? You think so?

Should I ask him?

00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,737

No.

00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,531

Why not? Just because his

great-grandmother was obese?

00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,367

Our kid's gonna get that

from you anyway.

00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,705

No, that's not it.

00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:17,335

It's just that when we were asking him

all those questions before...

00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:22,423

...I just realized I don't care if he

is the most perfect guy in the world.

00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:26,260

- He's not you.

- Yeah, he's better!

00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:30,097

No, he's not.

00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:34,602

If I can't get pregnant with you,

then I don't want to get pregnant by him...

00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,354

...or anyone else.

00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:41,233

- Really? Are you sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:43,819

Thank God, because I

don't wanna do this either.

00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:47,198

I was just doing it because I thought

that was what you wanted.

00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,951

I'm the husband.

I'm supposed to bring the sperm.

00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,704

That is so sweet.

00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:55,956

I love you.

00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,712

So you know this leaves us with...

00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,506

Adoption.

00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:06,217

How do you feel about that?

00:23:07,677 --> 00:23:10,304

I think I feel okay about it.

00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,141

Actually, I think I feel

really good about it.

00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:16,310

Me too.

00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:21,232

I wanna find a baby that needs a home,

and I wanna raise it with you.

00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,111

And I wanna mess it up

in our own specific way.

00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:30,157

So this is it?

We're really gonna adopt?

00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:31,992

Yeah.

00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:36,997

- Oh, my God! We're gonna be parents!

- We are gonna be great parents.

00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,416

And it could be soon.

00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:41,752

I mean, think about it.

Right now, somewhere out there...

00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,588

...our baby could be being conceived.

00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:49,301

Wait. If we're lucky,

and we're really, really, really quiet...

00:23:49,469 --> 00:23:53,139

...we may be able to hear

the sound of a condom breaking.

00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:00,062

Hey, Zack.

00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,398

Hey, Chandler.

00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,400

I wanted to apologize for last night.

00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:06,944

I got the feeling

we made you uncomfortable.

00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,279

- No, you didn't.

- Really?

00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,156

No, you did.

00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:12,992

My wife and I have

some boundary issues.

00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,286

Sometimes we ask

inappropriate questions.

00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,037

We're working on it.

00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:20,541

- Here are the boards for Friday's pitch.

- Thank you.

00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:26,505

You wouldn't know if she's planning

on keeping her baby, would you?

00:24:33,430 --> 00:24:35,431

[English - US - SDH]