Эпизод с тортом

00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,924

Honey, I got us that room

at the Woodford Inn this weekend.

00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,928

That place in Vermont?

You can take a hint.

00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,597

You can't go away this weekend.

It's Emma's birthday.

00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,182

- Yeah.

- We're having a party.

00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,351

Can't you have the party

when we get back?

00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,563

- No.

- No. It won't be her real birthday.

00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:27,985

Gee, if only she were 1 and had

no idea what the hell a birthday was.

00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,821

Come on, you guys,

this is really important to us.

00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,991

Sorry, but Chandler and I

could really use a weekend away...

00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:38,245

...you know, to reconnect, emotionally.

- There's this thing I really want us to do.

00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,289

I read about it in Maxim.

00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:44,460

Well, can't you just go

to Vermont the next day?

00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,420

Yeah, we want everyone to be there.

00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:51,800

As much as I hate to delay your doing

weird sex stuff to my little sister.

00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,595

And, I mean, you know, you guys,

this is a big deal.

00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,889

I mean, how can we have

her first birthday party...

00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,891

...without her aunt and her uncle?

00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,186

All right, we'll stay.

We can just drive up after the party.

00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:05,856

Fine. But if we end up not doing

this Maxim thing because of this party...

00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,567

Believe me, that is not why

we won't be doing that.

00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,777

You know, Pheebs, when I was little,

on my birthday...

00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,114

...my daddy would hide a present

in every room of the house.

00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,283

And then he would draw a treasure map

to help me find them all.

00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:01,578

Aw, I love family traditions like that.

00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,957

When Ursula and I were kids,

on our birthday...

00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:09,253

...our stepdad would sell his blood

to buy us food.

00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,423

- Hey, guys.

RACHEL & PHOEBE: Hi.

00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,635

- I brought the camera for Emma's video.

- Oh, good!

00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,304

We had this idea to make

a birthday video for Emma...

00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,224

...and we'll give it to her when she's 18.

- Oh, cool.

00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,726

- Wow, it's like a time capsule.

ROSS: Yeah.

00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:28,397

Oh, just think, she's gonna be

watching that video on a TV...

00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:31,233

...that hasn't even been invented yet...

00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:35,654

...with friends who, right now,

are just, like, babies.

00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:39,700

And they'll be living in a floating city

that the humans built...

00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,451

...to escape the ant people.

00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,914

That's the hope.

00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,335

- So is Emma awake yet?

- No, it's still naptime.

00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,212

- But she'll be up soon.

- Where's Joey?

00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,631

I said, it's still naptime.

00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:59,052

- Hey, there's Uncle Joey.

JOEY: Hey.

00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,139

Hey, say something to Emma

on her 18th birthday.

00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,060

- Eighteen, huh?

- Joey, no!

00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:10,731

What? What? It's for her hot friends.

00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,025

When they see this, you'll be 52.

00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,486

And starting to think about

settling down.

00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,990

Hey, Joey, will you please set this up

for people to put Emma's presents on?

00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,117

Love to. Yeah.

00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,206

- We were supposed to bring presents?

- Yeah. I wrote Emma a song.

00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,666

Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know?

00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:33,212

- Joey, it's a birthday party.

- Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old.

00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:37,925

What's the point? The other day

she laughed for, like, an hour at a cup.

00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,929

Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it,

dressed as a farmer.

00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:47,809

And he's standing next to this cow,

and the cow says, "El-moo."

00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:55,108

Man, that's a funny cup.

00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,112

BOTH:

Hey.

00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,074

- Where's the birthday girl?

- Oh, she's still napping.

00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:06,787

She was probably up all night excited

about the party she knows is happening.

00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:11,250

I know you guys really want to get to

Vermont, and this isn't a big deal to you.

00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:15,379

But it really is to us, okay?

Emma will never have a first birthday again.

00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,756

You're right. We're sorry.

00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,217

Let's wake up Emma

and get the fun time started!

00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,011

No, she didn't sleep well last night,

so we can't wake her.

00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,514

Are you frigging kidding me, Green?

00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,224

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,062

BOTH: Hi!

ROSS: Hey!

00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,482

RACHEL: I'm so glad you came.

- I can't believe Emma's already 1.

00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,901

I remember your first birthday.

00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,029

Ross was jealous of all the attention

we were giving you.

00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:44,283

He pulled on his testicles so hard...

00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,369

...we had to take him

to the emergency room.

00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,458

There's something you didn't know

about your dad.

00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:57,546

Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Geller.

Let me help you with that.

00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,924

- Thank you.

- Oh, man, this is great, huh?

00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,636

The three of us together again.

You know what would be fun?

00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:09,182

If we gave this present to Emma

from all of us.

00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,644

Which one are you?

00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:22,112

- I can't believe Emma's still asleep.

- I know. What are we gonna do?

00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,282

I've got a plan. I've got a plan.

00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:29,870

I'm going to ram this platter

really hard into your ribs.

00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,374

You're gonna scream out,

and that'll wake her up.

00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,669

I'm not going to Vermont

with this Monica.

00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,756

Hey, Pheebs? You know what?

00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,799

I was thinking since you wrote a song...

00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,886

...maybe I could do something

for Emma using my talents.

00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,680

So you're gonna hit on her?

00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,393

- No, no, no. My talents as an actor.

PHOEBE: Oh.

00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,687

You know, I could, like, maybe...

00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,107

I could do a dramatic reading

of one of her books.

00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,611

Or you could stick a fork in an apple.

00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:06,365

- Hey, I think Emma might like it.

- Oh, Emma might like what?

00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,034

- Uh, my present.

- What did you get her?

00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,037

- Actually, we prepared performances.

- Separate performances.

00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,373

But equally real.

00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,541

That sounds like fun.

00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,251

You know what, actually?

00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:21,463

People are getting a little antsy waiting

for Emma to wake up from her nap.

00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,924

So would you mind

performing them once now?

00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,759

- Sure, yeah!

- Okay.

00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:29,513

Okay. All right. Everybody,

let's get this party started, huh?

00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,599

Joey and Phoebe are gonna perform

a little something for us.

00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,434

Oh, great.

00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,354

Aren't you gonna be embarrassed

having nothing prepared?

00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,982

I do it every week with three cameras

pointed at me and a whole crew waiting.

00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,946

So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?

00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:50,367

I will be doing a dramatic reading

of one of Emma's books.

00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,829

Oh, okay. Which one?

00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,706

Uh, well, it's one of her favorites.

00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:02,546

"Riding the Storm Out:

Coping With Postpartum Depression."

00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,174

[CHUCKLING]

00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,176

Love You Forever.

00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:16,643

"Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch.

Published by Firefly Books. Printed...

00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,228

...in Mexico.

00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:27,696

Ahem. A mother held her new baby

and very slowly rocked him...

00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:32,909

...back and forth, back and forth,

back and forth.

00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:38,498

And while she held him, she sang,

'I'll love you forever.

00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,752

I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living...

00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,881

...my baby you'll be."'

00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,300

"And while he rocked her, he sang:

00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:53,555

'I'll love you forever.

I'll like you for always.

00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,807

As long as I'm living...

00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:59,352

...my baby you'll be."'

00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:02,981

Oh, wow!

00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,066

That was amazing.

00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:08,195

Thank you so much for that gift.

00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,240

I was not ready for this today.

00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,453

- Amazing. Amazing.

RACHEL: Phoebe, I'm sorry.

00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,289

- Phoebe has prepared something.

PHOEBE: That's right.

00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:23,376

I prepared a song for Emma,

from my heart to hers.

00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:28,215

For there's no greater gift

than the gift of music.

00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,512

[SINGING]

Emma

00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,515

Your name poses a dilemma

00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,683

'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma

00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,727

Maybe the actor, Richard Crenna

00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,021

He played the commanding officer

in Rambo.

00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,982

[SINGING]

Happy birthday, Emma

00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,484

[CHUCKLING]

00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,074

Is that it?

00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,409

No, of course not.

00:08:56,577 --> 00:09:00,747

No, I've also, you know,

prepared a reading.

00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,918

Um, "Sex and the Single Mother."

00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,090

- "Finding your G-spot."

ALL: Oh, no, no, no!

00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,427

Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday.

00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:17,764

Right now, that seems so far away,

17 years.

00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:22,060

Yes. You'll be all grown up

by then, and we'll be...

00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,522

Well, your grandfather and I

might not be here.

00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,108

That's true. This message

could be coming to you...

00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,026

...from beyond the grave, Emma.

00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:36,825

- After all, my parents died very young.

- And my cholesterol's off the charts.

00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,871

Remember, Emma,

heart disease kills women too.

00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:46,042

Okay, cut! Great. Great. That was just...

00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,420

- Yeah.

JUDY: Oh, good.

00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,089

Ross, uh, don't forget to get a shot

of Emma's cake.

00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,258

- It's in a box in the fridge.

- Okay, sure.

00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,554

You're gonna love this cake. I got it

from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's.

00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:01,016

Oh, my God, that place has

the creamiest frosting.

00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,476

I used to hitchhike there

when I was a kid.

00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:09,065

Well, anyway, they make

these great novelty cakes...

00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:13,695

...in all different shapes. And if you give

them a photo, they'll copy it in icing.

00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:18,158

- Did you do a picture of Emma?

- Yes. On a cake shaped like a bunny.

00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:22,162

Uh, Rach? Does this bakery

by any chance also bake...

00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,913

...erotic cakes?

00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,709

Say, for bachelorette parties?

00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:31,087

RACHEL: Ross, what are you talking...?

Oh, my God!

00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:33,632

They put my baby's face on a penis!

00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,596

Now it's a party!

00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:42,390

Wait, you guys, this isn't funny,

all right?

00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:45,894

If I wanted this cake to be a disaster,

I would have baked it myself!

00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:50,273

Uh... Is it okay that I still think

it looks delicious?

00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:56,738

- Jack, look at this.

- I know what you're thinking, Judy.

00:10:56,906 --> 00:11:00,158

The resemblance is uncanny.

00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:06,331

I am this close to tugging

on my testicles again.

00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:11,419

No, no, this is not what I ordered,

okay?

00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:15,548

I went all the way to New Jersey

so that I could have the perfect cake...

00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:19,678

...for my daughter's birthday.

And I need a bunny cake right now!

00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,723

Ask them if it would be faster

if we cut the baby's face off the penis...

00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:26,559

...so we could put it on the bunny.

00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,312

That is a weird sentence.

00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,817

Oh, believe you me,

I am going to bring this cake back.

00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:36,277

I don't even want it in my home.

Don't touch it!

00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,488

I'm so confused!

00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,118

Yes, I still want my daughter's picture,

but on a bunny cake!

00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,829

Yellow cake, chocolate frosting

with nuts!

00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,831

To be fair, this one does have nuts.

00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,339

Hey, Mon, it was nice of you

to loan Rachel your car...

00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,843

...so she could get the cake.

- It was nice of her to pull my hair...

00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,636

...till I dropped the key.

00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,765

Well, while we're waiting,

you could tape your message to Emma...

00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:09,477

...for her 18th birthday, huh? Okay?

00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:12,313

Hi, Emma. It's the year 2020.

00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,357

Are you still enjoying your nap?

00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,196

We're Aunt Monica

and Uncle Chandler, by the way.

00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,698

You may not recognize us...

00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:25,368

...because we haven't spoken

to your parents in 17 years.

00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,870

We used to be married.

00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:30,874

But then we missed a weekend away

together, and things kind of unraveled...

00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:33,543

...because of you.

00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,920

Happy birthday.

00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,882

Ross, Rachel promised

it would be over by now.

00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,551

We seriously have to go

if we want to get to Vermont.

00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:45,889

- The last train leaves in a half-hour.

- And I have a massage client soon.

00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:48,641

You guys, just, please, a little bit longer.

00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,478

I promise, Rachel will be back

with the cake any minute.

00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:55,231

Monica, remember the frosting, huh?

00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:57,734

All right, five more minutes.

00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,110

[PHONE RINGS]

00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,780

Hello?

00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,948

Oh, no, what happened?

00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,910

Okay, okay, where are you?

00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,204

Okay, I'll be right there.

00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,955

Was that Emma? Is she up?

00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,167

Rachel got pulled over for speeding.

00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,795

She forgot her license.

So I have to bring it to her.

00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:22,008

- If you're leaving, I'm definitely going.

- Wait, if anybody gets to go, it's us!

00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,344

We've been complaining the longest!

00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,931

No, wait, you guys. No, you can't leave.

00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:30,517

Rachel already feels bad

that the cake's messed up.

00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,812

How do you think she'll feel

when she comes back and you're gone?

00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,564

I don't know. You'll tell us on Monday.

00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,694

Joey, you're in charge, okay?

You make sure nobody leaves.

00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,446

Got it!

00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,991

Hey! Where do you think you're going?

00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:48,535

To the bathroom.

00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,745

Well, the rest of you

get comfortable, okay...

00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,164

...because we are gonna be here for a...

00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:58,503

- Wait, there's a window in there.

- Oh, no! He's not getting away that easy!

00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,924

CHANDLER: What are you doing?

Get the hell out of here!

00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,308

Well, that one did not have

Emma's face on it.

00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,185

- No, it did not.

- No.

00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,397

Well, we'd better get going. It's late.

00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,399

Jack's not allowed

to drive at night anymore.

00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,109

He has trouble staying in his lane.

00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:25,238

Last winter I went up on a church lawn

and drove right through a manger scene.

00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,782

The papers thought it was a hate crime.

00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,289

- Anyway, it was lovely seeing you.

- Okay.

00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,624

JUDY: Bye. Bye, dear.

- Nighty-night.

00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,002

JUDY: Nighty-night.

JOEY: Bye.

00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,796

- How could you just let them leave?

JOEY: Hey, hey.

00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,800

I'm not gonna mess with Jack. He's

a great man. He fought for our country.

00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:49,345

No, he didn't. He pretended to be

a Quaker to get out of Korea.

00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:50,680

[GASPS]

00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:55,977

Well, that's it. He's the last one to go.

I'm locking you guys in. Ha.

00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:59,731

You do know I can just turn them

the other way around, right?

00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,358

Oh, I forgot you used to live here.

00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,695

[PHONE RINGS]

00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,199

- Hello?

- Joey, it's Estelle.

00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,620

- Hey.

- So how'd your audition go today?

00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:17,123

- What audition?

- The one I told you about last week.

00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,375

What? You never said anything

about an audition.

00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:27,634

Let me start over.

I just got a call about an audition.

00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,470

I think you can still make it.

00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,599

It's down at the Astor Theater, and you

need to have a monologue prepared.

00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,560

A monologue? I don't have a...

00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,816

I got it. Uh...

00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:46,069

So I'm gonna take off.

00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:48,905

- What?

- What? Wait! You don't get to leave.

00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:52,200

I've got a massage client waiting

outside my door any minute.

00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,328

And we paid for a room

that we're supposed to be in right now!

00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,038

Well, okay, now...

00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,624

...only one of us has to stay with Emma.

00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,127

Okay, and as the person

who realized that, I get to go.

00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,296

No, no, no. No. No.

00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:08,299

Let's figure out a fair way

to decide who's staying.

00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,551

Oh, I got it.

00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:13,805

Okay, everyone pick a number from

one to 10, all right?

00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,474

Whoever gets the highest number

gets to go first.

00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:21,104

- Okay, 10.

- Okay, Monica picks 10. I call nine.

00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,605

Anyone else?

00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,484

- No, let's just draw straws.

MONICA: Okay.

00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,945

Or we could flip a coin

and multiply the answer...

00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:31,698

- I'm begging you to stop.

- Right.

00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:35,368

Okay, how about this? We got

wind-up toys for Emma for her birthday.

00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,913

We can make them race,

and whoever comes in last stays.

00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,332

Yeah, let's do that!

00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:44,419

That sounds more fun than the thing

we were gonna do in Vermont!

00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:48,464

- Okay, everybody, pick your toys!

- Okay. I want the dolphin!

00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,759

- That's a bear.

- I'm too excited!

00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,304

Phoebe, you get the bear.

Joey, you get the robot.

00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,515

- Oh, yeah.

- And Chandler and I get the dog.

00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:02,103

And the race is going to go

from here to here.

00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:05,481

Now, the one who comes in last stays!

00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:07,817

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

wind your toys.

00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:12,238

- Okay. On your mark, get set, go!

PHOEBE: Go! Go!

00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:13,865

JOEY:

Come on, robot!

00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,825

[BARKING]

00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,328

What are you barking at?

00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,586

Well, how is that gonna help?

00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:30,798

I bought you! How did I forget

that that's all you do?

00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,301

JOEY:

Way to go, robot!

00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:36,137

Good job, Alan.

00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:38,890

- Hey, good race, you guys.

- Yeah, see you later.

00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,100

No. No, no. Wait.

00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,685

We didn't lose.

00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:47,440

The rules clearly stated that the last one

to cross the finish line was the loser.

00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:50,735

Well, our dog never crossed

the finish line. So technically...

00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:51,944

They left.

00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,412

There isn't time to go to the bakery.

We're just gonna come home.

00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,040

Everybody left?

00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:09,712

All right. Well, just tell Emma that

we'll be there as soon as we can. Bye.

00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,091

- Rachel!

- Oh, God, sorry!

00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,719

I can't believe they gave you a ticket.

You're such a good driver.

00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,891

- Emma's awake.

- Yeah?

00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,643

I can't believe this.

00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:27,355

This is her first birthday, she's awake,

we're not even there.

00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,775

Everybody left. We still have

this stupid obscene cake.

00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:34,487

Hey, maybe I can fix that. You know,

try to turn it into something else.

00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,323

Oh, don't even bother.

00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,951

We've already ruined

her first birthday.

00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:44,330

And do you know how important these

early experiences are, Ross? Very!

00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:47,500

According to the back cover

of that book that you gave me.

00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,087

Rach, she's not gonna remember this.

00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,340

I guess.

00:18:55,217 --> 00:19:00,847

Oh, I just had such an idea of what

this day would be like, you know?

00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,182

Emma laughing...

00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:07,436

...and everybody gathered around

her cake, singing "Happy Birthday."

00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:11,357

And then we would all... Hey, get out

of the road, you stupid student driver!

00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:12,900

[HONKING]

00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,153

They have to learn.

00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,532

- Hey.

- What?

00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,826

This is not bad.

00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:26,789

Oh, my God. Look, you made it

into a bunny. How did you do that?

00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,917

Well, I just made these

two things cheeks.

00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,464

And then I split this to make ears.

00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,301

Well, I am very impressed.

00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,386

Some can sing, some can dance.

00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:44,015

I, apparently, can turn phallic cakes

into woodland creatures.

00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:50,813

Now, another way to organize

your stuffed animals is by size.

00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,066

I'm sorry, is this a game for Emma

or for Monica?

00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,986

Game?

00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:01,532

Emma, do you even know it's

your birthday today? You're 1.

00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,410

One year old. That's little.

00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,078

[BABBLING]

00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,330

[GASPS]

00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,498

That's my girl.

00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,668

That's how old you are.

00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:16,297

Did I teach her that?

Did I just impart wisdom?

00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,760

Aw, I want one.

00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,721

Me too.

00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,063

There's no one around.

Why don't we just take this one?

00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,607

- And head to Canada.

- I was kidding.

00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,275

I wasn't. Let's get going.

00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:41,030

- Hey, are Ross and Rachel back?

- No, not yet.

00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:44,909

PHOEBE: Good, I didn't miss the party.

- What about your massage client?

00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:50,039

I just felt so bad missing this. So I just

slipped him a little something, you know.

00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,376

As long as I'm back in five

or six hours, it'll be all right.

00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:56,921

Okay.

00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:01,342

If Ross and Rachel ask, I've been

here the whole time. The whole time.

00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,887

I've been here the whole time.

00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:09,475

Joey, we just saw you come in.

You ran past us on the stairs.

00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,522

I don't care that you left. I'm just glad

that you're here. Thanks, you guys.

00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:17,400

Hey, guys, come on. You gotta see

what Emma just did.

00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,902

RACHEL: What?

- Emma, how old are you?

00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,862

How old are you today?

00:21:22,155 --> 00:21:23,572

[BABBLING]

00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:24,740

[ALL GASP]

00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,953

Oh, Emma, that's right. You're that many.

00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,789

Oh, my God, our daughter's a genius.

00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,959

- This means...

- No! No science camp!

00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,630

- Damn it! I'll put a candle on the cake.

- Oh...

00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:45,594

Oh, and, Emma, look at your

stuffed animals lined up so neatly.

00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:47,680

Thanks.

00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,183

Okay, here we go.

00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:55,521

Emma's first birthday cake.

00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:58,607

Go ahead, Emma, blow out the candle.

00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,319

JOEY:

Come on, Emma. You can do it.

00:22:01,486 --> 00:22:04,655

- What's wrong? Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah, nothing.

00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:07,366

These are happy tears. Ha, ha.

00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:09,785

This is just what I wanted.

00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:13,164

Hey, you made it into a bunny.

00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:18,836

What is wrong with me? It looked

more delicious when it was a penis.

00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,511

- Okay. Yeah.

- Okay, you ready?

00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:31,265

- And record.

- Okay.

00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:35,144

Hi, Emma.

Well, your first birthday is over, and...

00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:37,438

[YELLING NEARBY]

00:22:37,606 --> 00:22:40,066

ALL:

Go! Go! Come on!

00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:44,487

Go! Go, Alan! Run, you hairy bastard!

00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,205

[English - US - SDH]