Эпизод, где Джоуи разговаривает по-французски

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- Hey!

- Hey! Welcome back!

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- How was the honeymoon?

- Oh, incredible!

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Oh, champagne, candle-lit dinners,

moonlight walks on the beach.

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- It was so romantic.

RACHEL: Oh.

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- So where's Mike?

- Oh, he's at the doctor.

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He didn't poop while we were there.

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- I'm glad you're back. I need your help.

- Oh, why, what's up?

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I have an audition for this play,

and I have to speak French...

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...which, according to my résumé,

I'm fluent in.

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- Joey, you shouldn't lie on your résumé.

- Yeah, you really shouldn't.

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By the way, how was

that yearlong dig in Cairo?

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It was okay.

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I did not know you spoke French.

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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Oh, oh, you're so sexy.

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- Well, so will you help me?

PHOEBE: Sure.

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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Ha, ha, seriously, stop it.

I'm gonna jump on you.

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- Hey.

- Hi.

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Why are you wearing my apron?

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I'm making cookies for Erica.

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We have to leave soon.

Her plane comes in in about an hour.

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When she gets here, is it okay

if I introduce you two as my wife...

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...and the woman who's

carrying my child, ha, ha?

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No?

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Divorce?

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- Hey.

MONICA & CHANDLER: Hey.

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- Uh, you know where Rachel is?

- Haven't seen her since morning.

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It's unbelievable. She was supposed

to meet me a half-hour ago with Emma.

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- Hey!

- Hey!

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- These are for Erica!

- She's gonna eat all those cookies?

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Well, I want the baby to come out

all cute and fat!

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- So, uh, why is Erica coming to visit?

- We wanna get to know her better.

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And, uh, she's never been to New York,

so she wants to see the tourist spots:

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Statue of Liberty,

Empire State Building.

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Oh, there's always so many people,

and they're being corralled like cattle.

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And, you know, there's always

some idiot who goes, "Moo."

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Well, if it annoys you so much,

then why do you do it?

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ROSS:

Oh, hi! Hi!

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- Thanks for showing up 30 minutes late.

- Ross.

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No, I'm sure you have a great excuse.

What was it, a hair appointment?

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Uh, a mani-pedi?

Was there a sale at Barneys?

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My father had a heart attack.

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While I was at Barneys.

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- Oh, my God, Rach.

- Honey?

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- I'm so sorry.

- Uh, is he okay?

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Yeah, he's gonna be fine,

but he's heavily sedated.

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Okay, I'm gonna go

to Long Island with you.

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- I mean, you can't be alone right now.

- No, come on, I'm totally okay.

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I don't need you to come.

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- I can totally handle this on my own.

- Still, still, let me come for me.

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Okay. If you really need to.

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I bet someone could use one

of Monica's freshly baked cookies.

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- Oh, I really could.

- Oh.

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Oh.

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All right, it seems pretty simple.

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Your first line is,

"My name is Claude."

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- Okay.

- So just repeat after me.

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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- Well, let's try it again.

- Okay.

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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Huh. It's not...

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...quite what I'm saying.

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Really?

Sounds exactly the same to me.

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- It does, really?

- Yeah.

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- Let's just try it again.

- Okay.

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- Really listen.

- Got it.

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Okay.

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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Hey, you guys!

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PHOEBE: Hi.

JOEY: Hey!

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I want you to meet

someone really special.

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- Phoebe, this is Erica.

- Hi.

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- And this is the baby!

PHOEBE: Oh, hi.

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- Joey,EHca,baby.

- Hi.

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Everyone, Erica! Baby!

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- Monica. Calm. Self.

- Ha, ha.

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JOEY: Hey, sit down.

- Thank you.

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It's really nice to meet you guys.

I can't believe I'm here.

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Well, welcome to New York City,

or should I say:

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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...New York City.

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Why would you say that?

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Okay. What are you

gonna be doing today?

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Well, I wanna see everything! Times

Square, Coney Island, Rockefeller Center.

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You should walk to the top

of the Statue of Liberty.

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- Oh, yeah, let's do that.

- Great.

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This baby better be really good.

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Hi, um, uh, excuse me, I'm here to see

my father. My name is Rachel Green.

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- And I'm Dr. Ross Geller.

- Ross, please, this is a hospital.

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That actually means something here.

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- So can we please go in?

- Absolutely.

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Rach, I think I'm gonna

wait out here...

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...because, uh, my throat is feeling a

little scratchy. I don't wanna infect him.

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- Ross, please. Don't be so scared of him.

- I am not scared of him. I'm really sick.

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- He's under sedation, so he's out.

- I'm feeling better.

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[GASPS]

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Oh, my God.

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Oh, oh, wow.

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That ear and nose hair trimmer I got him

was just money down the drain, huh?

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Ms. Green? Your father's doctor's on

the phone if you'd like to speak to him.

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Oh, great.

Um, are you gonna be okay?

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- He's unconscious. We'll be just fine.

- Okay.

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[CHUCKLES]

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- Uh, did the TV wake you?

- No.

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When you put your feet up on my bed,

you tugged on my catheter.

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[CHUCKLES]

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Ouchy.

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What are you doing here, Geller?

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Well, I came with Rachel,

who should be back any second.

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- So, what's new?

- Oh, I had a little heart attack.

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Right. Is it painful?

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What, the heart attack

or sitting here talking to you?

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[ROSS CHUCKLES]

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Let's see if we can get

that Rachel back in here.

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So, what's new with you? Knocked up

any more of my daughters lately?

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Nope. Just the one. Rachel!

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[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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No!

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Okay, maybe if we just break it down.

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Okay, let's try it one syllable at a time.

Okay, so repeat after me.

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[BOTH SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

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Great! Okay, faster.

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[BOTH SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

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[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

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- Okay, it's too hard. I can't teach you.

- What are you doing?

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I have to go before I put your head

through a wall.

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No, no. Don't go, I need you!

My audition is tomorrow!

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[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

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- Hey.

- Hi.

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I was gonna make us some dinner...

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...but all I found in your dad's fridge

was bacon and heavy cream.

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I think we solved the mystery

of the heart attack.

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[RACHEL GRUNTS]

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- Did you call your parents?

- Oh, yeah. Emma's doing great.

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Oh, good.

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Wow.

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What?

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I just can't believe

I'm in Rachel Green's room.

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- You've been in my room before.

- Hah, yeah, sure, right. Ha, ha.

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Like I'd ever be

in Rachel Green's room.

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Okay, I gotta tell you, it's really weird

when you use my whole name.

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- Oh, ha, ha.

- Sorry.

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- You okay?

- Yeah.

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- Yeah, you had a rough day, huh?

- Yeah.

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It's just so weird seeing him like that,

you know? I mean, he's a doctor.

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You don't expect doctors to get sick.

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But we do.

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Well, he's gonna be okay, Rach.

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Aw.

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I don't want him to wake up alone.

I should go to the hospital.

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- What? No, no. Hey, hey, look.

- What?

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They gave him a lot of medication.

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He wouldn't even know

if you were there.

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We'll go see him first thing

in the morning.

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- Really? I shouldn't feel guilty?

- No-- God, hey.

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Rach, you've been an

amazing daughter, okay?

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- Right now you need to get some rest.

- Okay, maybe you're right.

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Good night.

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Wait, wait, wait.

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Would you stay here with me

for a little while?

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- Sure.

- Okay.

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- Thank you for coming with me today.

- Oh, of course.

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Rachel Green is very happy

you're in her room.

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[CHUCKLES]

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- Me too. Come here.

- No.

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I just don't wanna be alone tonight.

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Okay, well, um, I can maybe grab

a sleeping bag or--

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[CHUCKLING]

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No, Rach!

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I'm sorry, I just don't

think this is a good idea.

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Well, we won't know that

until we do it, will we?

00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,490

No, um, uh, look, um.

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You are upset about your father,

and you're feeling vulnerable...

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...and I just don't feel

it would be right.

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I feel like I'd be, you know,

taking advantage of you.

00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:10,962

What--? Taking advantage?

I am giving you the advantage. Enjoy!

00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,424

Look, I'm sure it would be great...

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...but I think one of us

has to be thinking clearly.

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So I'm gonna go.

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Wow.

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Okay.

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- I'll see you in the morning.

- Mm-hm.

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I haven't had sex in four months.

I should get a medal for that!

00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:48,875

Thanks so much for taking me

to all those places. I had a great time.

00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,170

Oh, I'm glad. Listen, I wanna apologize

about Chandler, though.

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- I just did not see this coming.

- New York is awesome!

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- What is with you?

- I've been to these places before...

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...but I've never really seen them.

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Yeah, you miss a lot

when you're mooing.

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- Thanks so much for showing me around.

- Oh, it was our pleasure.

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We're so much enjoying

getting to know you.

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Well, if there's anything else

you wanna know...

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Oh, uh...

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Okay, um.

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Can we ask you some

questions about the father?

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Oh, sure. Yeah.

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Well, he was my high-school boyfriend,

captain of the football team, really cute.

00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:35,088

- Got a scholarship and went to college.

- That's great.

00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:39,718

Yeah, it's almost definitely him.

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How's that, now?

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Well, there's a chance

it's another guy.

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I mean, I've only ever been

with two guys...

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...but they sort of overlapped.

00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,649

So, what does the other guy do?

00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:58,278

- Does he go to college too?

- No, he's in prison.

00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:00,614

Oh.

00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:04,034

Well, um,

was he falsely accused of something?

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,328

No.

00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,789

He killed his father with a shovel.

00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,667

Other than that, he's a great guy.

00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:15,754

I'll bet his dad doesn't think so.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:26,807

- Are you awake?

- Of course I'm awake.

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,684

Assume from now on

that I'm always awake.

00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:35,482

All right, we don't know that it's him.

I mean, it could be the football guy.

00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,819

Honey, it's us.

Of course it's the shovel killer.

00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,950

Well, all right, let's say that it is him.

00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,785

Would we not want the baby? No.

00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:50,372

- Would we treat him any differently?

- I'd keep an eye on him.

00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,043

We have to find out

which the father is.

00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,003

- How?

- I don't know.

00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:01,299

- They have tests for these things, right?

- Yeah, but maybe we're overreacting.

00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:04,803

Easy for you to say.

He's a father killer.

00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,264

He probably loves his mommy.

00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,976

He's probably got a tattoo that says

"Mom" on his shovel-wielding arm.

00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:18,984

MAN [ON RECORDING]:

We'll now count from one to five.

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:23,905

[MAN COUNTING IN FRENCH

ON RECORDING]

00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:28,285

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,247

MAN [ON RECORDING]: Good job.

- Thank you.

00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,500

- Hey.

- Hey, JOEY-

00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:39,212

Listen, I feel really badly about

yesterday, and I thought about it a lot.

00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,966

No, I was too impatient.

So let's try it again.

00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,885

That's okay. I don't need your help.

00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,013

I worked on it myself,

and I gotta say, I am pretty good.

00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:52,642

- Really, can I hear some of it?

- Sure, sure.

00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,187

Okay. Ahem.

00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,692

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:04,529

See?

00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,324

Right, but you're not--

00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,326

You're not-- You're--

00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,579

Again, you're not speaking French!

00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:18,293

Oh, well, I think I am! Yeah, and I think

I'm definitely gonna get the part!

00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,545

How could you possibly think that?

00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:23,423

The guy on the tape said

I was doing a good job!

00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,347

Hey, Rach, can you grab me

a cup of coffee?

00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,017

Sure.

00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,812

You've been quiet all morning.

ls everything okay?

00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,023

Mm-hm.

00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,693

- You sure you're all right?

- Yep.

00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,154

Okay. Um.

00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,782

Well, I'm gonna go, uh,

grab us some breakfast.

00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,785

- FYI.

- There it is.

00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:59,876

In the future, when a girl asks for some

ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.

00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:05,090

Wait, wait, you're, uh, mad at me

about last night?

00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:08,009

- I was just trying to do the right thing.

- Really?

00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,844

If you had done the right thing...

00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:12,931

...I wouldn't have woken up

feeling stupid and embarrassed.

00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:16,518

I would've woken up feeling

comforted and satisfied.

00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,939

- Well--

- Oh, stop that!

00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:24,776

I can't believe this!

I was just being a good guy.

00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,529

I treated you with

respect and understanding.

00:16:27,696 --> 00:16:29,197

Oh, that is so hot.

00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:32,158

Hey, I was looking out for you.

00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,661

Oh, really? Well, you know what?

lam a big girl.

00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,497

I don't need someone telling me

what is best for me.

00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:38,707

[SCOFFS]

00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:42,335

I gotta say, I've not had sex a lot

of times before. This is the worst ever!

00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:46,881

Oh, oh, really? Really?

Well, it wasn't very good for me either.

00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:49,217

Oh, okay, you know--?

Hey, hey, you know what?

00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,469

To avoid this little thing

in the future...

00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:54,264

...let's just say, you and me?

Never having sex again.

00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:57,017

- What?

- That's right! Sex is off the table!

00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,854

I am never having sex with you again!

00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,571

Dr. Green, are you feeling better?

00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,410

- Hey! How was lunch?

ERICA: We had a good time.

00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:18,455

By the way, I wanted

to ask you something.

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,875

It would really mean a lot to me

if the baby was a boy...

00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,127

...that you name him after my father...

00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,421

...Jiminy Billy Bob.

00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:34,012

- Oh, really?

- No! Ha, ha.

00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,598

- You were right. That was fun.

- Ha-ha-ha.

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,435

I'm gonna go finish packing.

00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,062

- Okay.

- Ha, ha.

00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,650

- So is she gonna take the test?

- No, she doesn't have to.

00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,153

- I found out who the father is.

- Oh, God.

00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,281

- It's Shovely Joe, isn't it'?

- No, it's not.

00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:54,532

How do you know?

00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:57,285

Erica didn't pay attention

in sex ed. class...

00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:59,913

...because the things she did

with that prison guy?

00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,165

It'd be pretty hard to make

a baby that way.

00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:06,669

Oh, God, what was it? The thing we

hardly ever do, or the thing we never do?

00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,673

The thing we never do.

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,968

Shovely Joe.

00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,231

- Whenever you're ready, Joey.

JOEY: Right. Ahem.

00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,983

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:39,536

- I'm sorry, what's going on?

- Dude, come on, French it up.

00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,580

Joey, do you speak French?

00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,791

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,006

You know what?

I think this audition is over.

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,635

PHOEBE [IN FRENCH ACCENT]:

Uh, excuse me?

00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,805

Uh, I am Régine Phalange.

00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:03,935

Uh, I was passing by when

I heard this man speaking...

00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:10,191

...the regional dialect of my

French town of Estée Lauder.

00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,987

You really think this man

is speaking French?

00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,573

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,784

[IN FRENCH]

00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:46,561

Good job, little buddy.

00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,274

That was some really good French.

00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:54,277

But I think we're gonna go

with someone else for the part.

00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:57,947

- Oh, all right, but my French was good?

- It was great.

00:19:58,114 --> 00:19:59,532

Oh, ha, ha, see?

00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,534

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,578

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,629

- Emma's down for the night.

- Oh, good.

00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:16,674

- So, uh, I guess I'm gonna take oh'.

- Okay.

00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,594

Hey, listen, uh, just before you go--

00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:22,013

I just wanna say thank you

for coming with me.

00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,598

Oh, no problem.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,768

And also, you know, I, uh--

00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:31,689

I was thinking about what you said, uh,

you know, about the whole sex thing...

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:35,360

Probably not a great idea

to go down that road again.

00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:38,905

Thank you. I'm glad you agree.

00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,407

It's a shame, though.

When we did it, it was pretty good.

00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,076

[LAUGHS]

00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:44,953

Yeah.

00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,455

Yeah, that's true.

00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,792

Hey, um, do you remember

that one really great time?

00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,752

- Oh, yeah!

- You know?

00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:56,172

- It was Valentine's Day.

- It was your birthday.

00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,550

[IN UNISON]

Oh, yeah.

00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:06,891

Well, I guess that's all

in the past now.

00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,686

Mm-hm.

00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:15,108

- Not even one more time.

- Not even once.

00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,945

- No matter how much we want it.

- Even if we want it...

00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,989

-...really bad.

- That's what we decided.

00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:24,075

Yeah, ha, ha, that's right.

00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,580

- It's kind of hard, though. You know?

- Yeah.

00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:34,085

When two people have a connection,

you know, that's--

00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,754

Just seems like...

00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:38,423

...such a...

00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,550

...waste.

00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:45,221

I hate waste.

00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:53,187

- Ross?

- Yes?

00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,189

Just so you know...

00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,026

...with us...

00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:00,737

...it's never off the table.

00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:14,667

Damn it, it's never off the table.

00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:26,846

- Okay, can you really tap-dance?

- No.

00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,057

It's off the résumé.

00:22:29,932 --> 00:22:32,268

- Archery?

- No.

00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:35,730

- Horseback riding?

- Would fall off a lot.

00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:39,734

You can drink a gallon of milk

in 10 seconds?

00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:41,527

That I can do.

00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:45,531

Come on, you can drink

a gallon of milk in 10 seconds?

00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:47,617

All right, watch me.

00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:54,207

- Okay, you time me, ready?

- Ready, go!

00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:25,571

You did it!

00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:35,039

[English - US - SDH]